Theory & Essay

The Most Backhanded Compliment Of All Time

Hmm...I'll take one of each in a size 10.

I had a revelation one day. It was volcanic. It was eruptious. It was epiphanic. And it cuts right to the core of why I know so many single women.

Yes, I know…nobody wants to hear again why Black women are single. Hell, I’m tired of talking about. And I think there are two main source reasons why we are all, both men and women, tired of hearing it:

1) The focus always goes right to any and all potential negative attributes of Black women, which frankly isn’t fair and places an undue burden on Black women to get their stuff together and who wants to constantly hear non-sense like that; and

2) It’s just annoying.

Now, as a board certified ninja AND karate expert (do you see what I did there?) and despite being tired of hearing and reading about it, its a conversation that I can’t run from to save my life. Oddly enough, no matter where I go, if there are more than three people gathered in my name at some point a chick’s unfair singleness will come into play. We’ll spend some amount of time talking about why she thinks she’s single, why I think she’s single, and then be unceremoniously interrupted by some person with the best.timing.ever. who will do something like yell out “boner patrol” that will end a conversation that cannot end on its own.

Hmmm…

I know a lot of good single women. And I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time trying to determine why this is. I’ve come up with one overarching theme that I’m fairly certain I can attribute to about 75 percent of the women I come across. But be aware, it’s the most backhanded compliment ever:

So many Black women are single because there are too many good Black women.

Re-read that sentence and then let it marinate.

*Peach Cigarillo break*

Is it pandering? Perhaps. Is it making the word “good” too open-ended? Absolutely. But does it have merit? Sure as shootin’.

Peep game. Me and my boy have this theory that you can find a good quality in nearly any woman if you talk to her long enough. In fact, that’s the running joke amongst my boys and why we refuse to talk to unattractive women. If you talk to her long enough you might fall for her. So don’t do it. Harsh…you bet your arse it is. Nobody wants to be the dude who falls in love with the wolverine when he could have done something about it. Young, sad, and blue.

But if you can find a decent quality in a bustdown, you bet your arse you can find a reason to wife down a good looking woman. Which is where the problems start. Who do men like to talk to? Give yourself a pat on the back and a shot of Patron on yourself if you said attractive women. If you spend 10 minutes talking to most good looking women you can find at least one good reason to get her number (even if you decide you’re going to roll out without getting it b/c that interest isn’t very strong. Word to Panama Jackson.) Now this isn’t to say that these are all women you need to marry, but women worth getting to know better and giving an actual chance to.

And therein lies the problem, every chick most guys come across in the Reading Ninja community have the exact same stats. They’re all college-educated, decent job, fun-loving, individuals who are interesting if you take the time to get to know them. Now, you might find out that the chick you think you want to get to know sucks more thank a pr0n star vacuuming in a black hole, but that’s neither here nor there. Word to Panama Jackson.

The point is, most of the women a lot of us come across nowadays are in effect good catches. Every one’s possibly a good option. So why settle for this one when each one brings the same thing to the table. It’s the reason why men are always claiming to look for something different. Okay, that’s not entirely true, most of us claim to want a chick who’s different than the trifling women we claim to only come across. We are liars. I’d bet that if most dudes thought of the majority of women that they know, MAJORITY NOT ALL, a sizable portion could be good wifey material except that she’s just like everybody else he knows. Nothing stands out.

It’s an odd problem really. All women claim to be different, or at least want to be considered to be different from one another, but on the same criteria they judge us against (the resume, effectively) they all look the exact same. We’re stuck in a sea of look-good-on-paper women.

Which is why every woman who knows how to cook gets a leg up. Bazinga!

Game. Blouses.

So what do you think? Does my theory make sense? Is it possible that the biggest problem in the dating community for us eligible ninjas is that almost all of the women are decent enough making them all the status quo?

For the record, let’s save the: Naw, son, the biggest problem is that most of these broads is busted. It’s not true. And I’m the harshest person most of us know when it comes to that…and I’m a 3.

-VSB P aka YOUNG P THA FUNKY THUG aka SLIM P.A.N.A.M.A. tha SLIM PANAMANIAN aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Filed Under: ,
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • B_Keps

    wow.

    mind. blown.

    but it makes sense.

    • TheRealestLeo

      What’s good? Didn’t know you posted over here as well.

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        *raisedeyebrow*

        Something?

        • TheRealestLeo

          Nah. Not like that.

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

            *lowerseyebrow*

            My bad. Sorry. I’m nosey. :lol:

            • TheRealestLeo

              It’s all good. lol.

              In other news….it’s off to GA for me in a few. Vacation’s pretty much over with…now I get to see what it’s REALLY going to be like living in the States again.

              • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                Well then I’ll send some good vibes your way.

              • Yoles

                TRL… i am soooo happy that you are back…:D wishing you the best, most fulfilling, enjoyable, memorable, smiles and laughter filled time in GA…. *here is to your cornucopia running over with everything that you desire*

              • TheRealestLeo

                Thanks for the well wishes. I get the feeling today is going to be one of the longest days of my life. lol

              • Sandpaper

                @TRL

                I am in Georgia now and per capita, the women here are nice. Don’t hurt yourself making up for lost time.

                • TheRealestLeo

                  Thanks for the heads up.

                  I was never one to go overboard, though. All I’ve ever wanted this whole time was one. I’m far too leery to get in over my head.

                  • CNotes

                    Welcome back TRL! Enjoy your well-deserved vacay. : )

                    • TheRealestLeo

                      Thanks, CNotes. But sadly, today is the last day of the vacay. lol

                  • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                    I hope you get all the Black pum pum you can handle!! You deserve it.

                    • Yaadgyrl

                      lol…there’s a special place in my heart for you.

                    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                      LOL ditto yaadgyrl…ditto

                    • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

                      trois!

                  • Imperfect

                    “All I’ve ever wanted this whole time was one…”

                    *swoon*

              • keisha brown

                welcome back TRL.

            • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

              LOL, you is messy dinna mug Anti-Cool. I luh it.

      • B_Keps

        rarely… but every once in a blue lol

      • B_Keps

        rarely… but every once in a while. but i see you have a following lol

        • TheRealestLeo

          Something like that. lol.

          It wasn’t always this way, though. (But most of that was my own fault.)

          • Mo-VSS

            (But most of that was my own fault.)

            Wow…dare I say, progress?

            You even have a smile in the avi…hope good things come your way.

            • TheRealestLeo

              Progress. Yep, it happens to even the most stubborn of us.

              And I am about as stubborn as they come, as you may or may not know. lol

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      does it make you make mind blowing…decisions?

      i think i feel a heatwave.

      • Lina

        must check iPod to see if I put them on

  • Bouier

    Basic Supply and Demand in an Over-saturated Market.

    Why didn’t anyone else notice this?

    • http://theatypicallibrarian.wordpress.com/ AtypicalLibrarian

      I totally agree. I look good on paper, but I’m great in real life and singler as a mug and I can cook, too. Oh well, more for me.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      its like everybody’s a lawyer.

      THERE AINT THAT MUCH LAW OUT HERE!!!!

      • Shellz

        Why do you think dudes like wifing up strippers lol something new, not everyone can make it clap or slide down a pole with ease (ie. that crap is lot harder than it looks, went to a class for shits and giggles)

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          um…i’m gonna go ahead and wager that men do not generally like to wife up strippers. does it happen sure. but a few white men walked on the moon. doesn’t mean that sh*t happens regularly. no prunejuice.

        • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

          i think the whole pole phenomenon is funded by women just tryin’ to do some “different” sh1t…and it’s cool to have a few tricks up the sleeve but there are SO many other ways to earn my applause other than makin’ it clap (full disclosure: i am goin’ to atlanta on sunday and tentatively have a couple of private pole viewing sessions planned).

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Pretty much….and there’s tons of women doing to the wrong things and making it hard for the good ones.

      • http://chaidiaries.blogspot.com rubysubi

        AGREED! Bishes be trippin (word to awkward black girl) and in their moments of foolery and insecurity do stupid shit like [insert any activity done on Single Ladies], and ruin it for errrbody else. Urgh.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          well looky who made an appearance. lol

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          X____SmartFoxGirl____

      • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

        there are also women who have this off-putting idea of what good/bad is…the kind that talk more about they won’t do than what they’re wanting and willing to do. present company excluded of course…;) you record is well documented.

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          Thanks. *wipes corners of mouth*…I’m willing to be bad in order to be good. ;)

  • Slowmotion

    *de-lurks*

    Agreed.

    *re-lurks*

    • Yoles

      ????????????WELCOME SLOWMOTION?????????????

      please stay and continue to ?

      • Imperfect

        Got your laptop back, huh? Lol

        • Yoles

          yup yup :D

    • keisha brown

      hands slowmotion a #staylurkerfree tshirt

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      SLOW MOTION FUH MEH!

  • http://brotherjamesthetastemaker.tumblr.com ChaoticDiva

    *marinating*

    So who’s firing up the grill? Some pork chops with Worcestershire and dry rub….

    Oh…we weren’t talking about food…

    • LMNOP

      I always wanted to try grilled pizza. Since I heard of it like two years ago at least.
      So I brought pizza ingredients, just in case there’d be a grill.

      • http://brotherjamesthetastemaker.tumblr.com ChaoticDiva

        I have a grill. Bring them, and some pork chops (as collateral), and you can use it. :)

  • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

    That’s that bullsh*t. That is all.

    *sits in salty chair in the corner with a bowl of ice cream*

    • AfroPetite

      lol

      *grabs a bowl and makes motions towards ice cream*

      • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        *spoons some out*

        …alls I’m sayin is, why I gotta be penalized for being a good woman? Where dey do dat at, y’know? Psh…

        • AfroPetite

          Women can’t win for losing though. We’re not good enough and we’re too good….. (0_o) People just refuse to let the black woman be great so fuk’em! lol

          *fluffs fro and eats ice cream*

          • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

            Meanwhile black men get to lay it low and spread it wide while trying to find “the one” knowing damn well they ain’t lookin for “the one” until their sperm is as dry as evaporated milk.

            *shaking my head & eatin my ice cream*

            • Yoles

              HAHAHAHA

              i think you mean “powdered milk” but i get what you are saying Tes sweetie..

              now you know ice cream is my favorite snack so yall need to pass off and come up off some of that… pls&thx :D

              • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

                We got chocolate, we got vanilla, we got cookies and cream and we got mint chocolate chip…

                *passes a bowl down*

                • nillalatte

                  *brought the variety pack of Nutty Buddy’s, takes one and puts the rest in the freezer* Take one if you like.

                  *unwraps the nutty buddy…umm… vanilla, chocolate and nuts*
                  Do not read anything into that! It’s been a long day.

                • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                  I’m lack-toes int-oller-aint but pass me some of that cookies and cream. I think it’s gonna be that kinda day.

                  • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

                    Ma’am…
                    *passes fruity candy instead of anything dairy based*

                    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                      You call me ma’am (ma’am!) AND deny me ice cream? I thought we we’re better than that e-sis. SMH.

                      (takes my fruity candy and goes to pout in the corner)

                    • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

                      I call e’erybody ma’am (or sir) when they on that phlym phlam…but since you’re over there now… :D

                      *slides ice cream*

                    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                      Aw thanks.*
                      *No one can resist my pout power.

                      Yum.
                      :D

                • Andi

                  Haagen Daaz mint chocolate chip…?

                  • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

                    :D
                    *passes down a bowl*

            • AfroPetite

              Double standards are a mutha ain’t they?

            • DQ

              Much anger I sense in you. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

              True this is. Said it before has Master yoda.

              • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

                “Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness; it’s a lot easier to be angry than to be hurt.” – Tom Gates

                • http://twitter.com/Phidelity15 Phidelity15

                  …..and cursing feels a lot better than crying

                • DQ

                  I disagree with Tom then. Pain is the root of anger and/or sadness. To suggest that anger is merely a substitute for sadness (and a cowardly one at that) is oversimplification. One can feel genuine anger & sadness resulting from pain.

              • LMNOP

                but ice cream leads to happiness

                • Yoles

                  :D

                • DQ

                  I’m pretty sure that was NOT in the trilogy or the prequel…

                  …but I still agree.

                  • LMNOP

                    No, its from the Bible.

                    I mean it would have been if they had freezers back then.

                    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                      Someone could always write it in now. Folks used to do that all the time.

                    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                      Yo, they ain’t need freezers. Jesus sh*tted ice cream… that’s why it’s so dayum good.

              • Andi

                I believe the full quote is ” fear leads to anger. anger leads to hate. hate leads to the dark side”

                *pushes up poindexter glasses*

                And any anger you sense is prolly rooted in fear. Fear that maybe Steve, Hill, Soledad, and Obsidian are right and we’re all doomed….

                • Yoles

                  i REFUSE to believe that!!

                  women (all women not just women of color) attract what they put out so once she is ready it will happen…

                  if you build it, it will come
                  -Field of Dreams

                  • Andi

                    I don’t believe it either. But I can see how a lot of ladies would these days :(

                    • Qozmic

                      don’t believe that…

                      Work on being the best version of yourself you can.. then have high standards, and the Universe will send you what you deserve.

                      We ALL get who we deserve… so the smart thing is to work on oneself, so who we deserve is the bomb.

                      If it was easy… everybody’d be hugged up with their dream person.

                • DQ

                  Actually I think it goes: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering….

                  *Adjusts polyurethane pocket protector*

                  Whoever says you’re doomed I say is incorrect btw

                  • http://twitter.com/kjnetic peter parker

                    fear is the path to the dark side. fear leads to anger. anger leads to hate. hate leads to suffering. ~ yoda

                    • DQ

                      Yeah, what he said ^^^^ right there

            • TheRealestLeo

              Hey.

              *Throws a penalty flag*

              Illegal procedure on Tes….15 yards, loss of down…

              Not all of us men are like that. (#IfIHadADollar….)

              And what sucks is that people look at US like it’s something wrong with US for actually wantin’ just one woman. lol

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              i just need somebody to come up with a working and functional defintion of “lay it low and spread it wide”. it’s BEGGING for an hour long special.

              • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                I agree

            • LA2Tally

              Lay it low and spread it wide. . .

              Using that in conversation. . . soon! Thanks!

          • Nell

            I don’t know about y’all, but can you do me a favor, my strong, handsome black brother? Can you tap that white boy for me?

            • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

              *DEAD* hahahahaha

          • Shellz

            Amen Afro- black women will never be good enough for their own kind. Thats why we need to start dating white men.

            • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

              EXACTLY…’cause you’re more than good enough for their kind–ever since they let y’all start votin’ ‘n workin’ ‘n sh1t.

        • DQ

          You’re not penalized for being good, you’re being penalized for not being exceptional…

          …blame “supply and demand”. :(

          Actually there’s more to it than this, but I felt like being a reductionist for a moment. Anyway Tes keep your head up…

          …that way your hair doesn’t obstruct your cleavage… #justTrying2help :)

          • http://twitter.com/sweetdivalove Mia

            “You’re not penalized for being good, you’re being penalized for not being exceptional……blame “supply and demand”.

            ….well damn. *wall slide* http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llbm0dc70v1qeizypo1_250.gif

            • DQ

              You don’t know this but I think the *Wall Slide* is the funniest thing since “no homo”. I don’t know why but it just makes me laugh no matter what the reason is for the wall slide.

              • CNotes

                Same here…LOL! The “wall slide” gets me everytime!

                • Nell

                  LOL I so feel the wall slide, too!

                  But seriously, tap that white boy for me.

                • DQ

                  I’m trying to think… can you ever go wrong with the Wall Slide? What rice is to dinner, Wall Slide is to Message Board/Blog Conversation…

                  …it just goes with everything.

          • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

            *pulls hair back and continues to e-mope*

            *shimmies for good measure*

            • DQ

              Actually can you put it in a pony tail or some type of Pipi Longstocking braid? That would be awesome.

              *Plays “Jingling Baby” in background*
              *Will literally shed a tear if Tes has to google this song to figure out what I mean*

              • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

                *makes a ponytail while playing Doin’ It instead*

                Please, all the women in my family loves them some LL. ;)

                • DQ

                  Alright… just checking. I know I’m old enough to start experiencing some of that generation gap. I heard a ninja say “Swagu” on Twitter and all I could thin of was, “so the apocalpyse must be back on, if people are actually using this word in sentences”.

                  Anyway, you knew the track so all is well.

                  • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

                    “Swagu?” o.O

                    And you can’t be that old :) I refuse to believe so.

                    • Yoles

                      i googled “swagu” and still don’t have the slightest idea what this means…
                      #myageisshowing

                    • DQ

                      Aight, well just keep me young in your mind. Cause everywhere else (including google maps) I’m old.

                      :)

                      p.s. I am still younger than LL, but that really that ninja’s old too

                  • naturalista88

                    WTF is “Swagu”? Is it like Ragu?? o_O

                    • DQ

                      That was my guess Natty. I didn’t even bother to go to urbandictionary on this one, I just called it “generation gap” material and kept it pushing.

                      #NoSwagu4DQ

                    • naturalista88

                      Hmm, that should be your campaign platform sir
                      #NoSwagu4DQ2012
                      Make it so *lol*.

                    • http://www.aworknprogress.com Diana

                      HA! Swagu is something Kanyeze says on Beyonce’s new song Party. He says, “you drippin swag sauce, you got that swagu…” This has been a public service announcement.

                    • DQ

                      Thank you Diana

                      I still hate that word.

                      But in an ode to that word I think for the next month I will find ways to modify existsing words to incorporate swag – and not for any good reason.

                      Today’s word is Swaganomics™.

                    • naturalista88

                      Reason #1,247 why I can’t deal w/the public @ large; creating ridiculous words like “swagu” and incorporating them into regular conversation. **Looks into buying land on Mars & starting a colony**.

                    • http://www.aworknprogress.com Diana

                      @ DQ – You welcome! Coming up with various endings for swag sounds swagnificent. I mean the possibilities for pure ignorance is endless. Have fun! :-)

                    • DQ

                      I personally am a Swag-a-holic™. And the story of my life will be a Swag-u-mentary™ of epic proportions.

                    • LA2Tally

                      Kanye’s part in that song is whatever. .

                      We need to talk about Andre 3000’s verse! I miss that man! He needs to stop being “different” and go ahead and put somenew music out. . .

                • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                  I miss when LL still had all his s.exy. Where did it go? Where did it go?

                  • Yoles

                    the ultra shine from his lips deflected the s.exy from view with the naked eye…

                    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

                      and the tight face.

          • tezzybaby

            Well d@mn, this places yet another undue burden on single black women, I guess i better step my exceptional game up. Does it really matter that there are too many good women out there or that there are only bad women out there. At the end of the day, you are still single for whatever the reason may be. I don’t think anyone will take solace in the fact that they are just one in a plethora of good women when the outcome is still the same.

            • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

              I don’t think anyone will take solace in the fact that they are just one in a plethora of good women when the outcome is still the same.

              Ay, there’s the rub.

            • DQ

              Yeah but you also might be single because the dude who can accomodate your “crazy” and whose “crazy” you can tolerate, just hasn’t found YOU yet. I mean this isn’t something to despair over (to let me tell it).

              BTW – where you been? You been gone so long I done forgot the secret public hand shake.

              • tezzybaby

                O_O You CAN’t forget the secret public hand shake!! (BTW I think the only part I remember was the *terrorist fist bump*) maybe we can make up another one.

                I was studying for my Boards so I gave up VSB and FB for the sake of my future, so we praying that I beasted that mug right now. But i’m happy to see I was missed and ish.

                • DQ

                  Well I’m happy you dipped for a worth cause. Look forward to hearing your good news whenever you have it give.

                  *Terrorist Fist Bump*

                  *Waits for Tezzy to do the next step*

              • SqueakDaddyKane

                Word i was bout to say this. You aren’t being penalized for not being exceptional. It’s about what the dude who approaches you is looking for. Sometimes a brotha is looking for something specific, sometimes they just wanna have a good time with a cool person. What may be exceptional to one man(chick who cooks, loves hiphop, etc) might be average to anotha i.e. I’m from the South and most chicks i know can cook so it’s no biggie. Chris Wallace.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            but it works.

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            ““You’re not penalized for being good, you’re being penalized for not being exceptional……blame “supply and demand”.”

            Exactly. Even Nat King Cole said that V in “Love” is “very very extra-ordinary.” That sums it up right there.

        • https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=32012299&op=1&view=all&subj=1067228027&id=45005875#!/profile.php?id=45005875 ProfCourt

          thats EXACTLY what I was thinking.
          Good woman = single bc there are too many of them
          crazy women = in a relationship bc “its something different”

    • Mo-VSS

      Okay, so I thought I was the ONLY one who felt this way.

      *adds Oreos to the ice cream pile.

      • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        *cues You Are Not Alone*

    • Yaadgyrl

      All ya’ll put the ice cream down!!!!! It’ll go straight to your thighs/belly/hips (insert your problem area here) and give you even more reason to be salty…

      Reading all these why black women are single articles make me feel like there’s some underground national black women are single prayer hour where we all dial in to some secret conference call where we open with prayer to find a good man, sing some negro spirituals and recently coupled/engaged/married sisters share testimonials and tips on how we too can capture the prize/myth/legend/optical illusion that is a good black man….

      IT AINT SO….not for all of us anyway. Some of us (me) actually enjoy our season(s) of singleness. Some of us (me) don’t wake up thinking how am I gonna find a good black man today or go to sleep crying cause we didn’t. We don’t go to those places on the list of places to meet good black men wearing what they say we should wear (play up your assets, at least 5″ heels)…..doing the ish those articles tell us to do (smile, look approachable, laugh @ his jokes, like what he likes). We just do the ish we like to do and go on about our lives and guess what, we actually meet men!!! Good ones! I met mr i think you may be great walking down the darn street (on my way to my mani/pedi) wearing a puffy coat and (GOD FORBID) UGGS (not the ugly ones though). And I didn’t giggle or flip my hair or bend and snap. I WAS JUST ME. OI….off my soap box and the question at hand….

      So what do you think? Does my theory make sense? Is it possible that the biggest problem in the dating community for us eligible ninjas is that almost all of the women are decent enough making them all the status quo?

      I do agree that men tend to pass on good in the hopes of great and I actually don’t blame them and subscribe to that philosophy myself. I’m effing great so I’m not going to settle for good enough for now.

      I broke it off with my ex fiance and other boyfriends that followed cause they just weren’t my idea of great and I felt like holding on to someone who was good enough was blocking another woman’s blessing who would think they were great. An ex broke up with me for the same reason. I’m not mad (now – I wanted to kill that ninja then). I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything and I’m happy for my ex fiance who is currently happily married with children and another ex who is engaged and expecting.

      Now that I got all that off my chest, I know I burned enough calories to warrant some of that ice cream…. *reaches in the back of the freezer for the Haagen Daaz Dulce de Leche I hid for days like this*

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        i agree. i dont think that all Black women are out here actively TRYING to get wifed up. notice i said “all” though. let’s no BS ourselves….there are a SIGNIFICANT number of women out here trying to get chose masking a lot of the “i want a man” blues with “i don’t need a man, i’m gonna pick my own afro daddy, i know its flat on one side and i dont need no MAN telling me about it” bravado and overcompensation. and i think thats how i get scooped up into many fo the convos I have. well that and cuz i’m a talker so i naturally end up in those convos.

        that and cuz i’m usually stuck in a basement sittin’ on a tricycle…

        • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

          …Girl getting on my nerves…

        • Yaadgyrl

          there are a SIGNIFICANT number of women out here trying to get chose masking a lot of the “i want a man” blues with “i don’t need a man.

          I know. It makes me sad. *sighs*

          I wish it was more (1) I want to be the best me I can be (2) I want to be happy (3) I want to find a man who adds to my happiness and I add to his happiness (4) If that doesn’t happen, I will be lonely and sad….at times but I’ll figure out a way to still be GREAT.

        • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

          a’ight so i’m gon’ say this real quick…as a man who actually LOVES, adores and enjoys a plurality of women who are okay wit’ the individuality of bein’ their wonderfully flawed selves (and proclaims this loudly/proudly), there’s nothin’ i abhor more than the idea of people tryin’ to “better” themselves for the sake of others. it’s distracting…and usually ends-up dishonest. a man who can’t appreciate your quirks and idiosyncrasies is ALWAYS goin’ to find somethin’ “wrong” wit’ you that needs fixin’…but a man who shows himself to you (no Weiner) in spite of, will, in all likelihood, be the champion and head cheerleader of your self-improvement.

          if/when women learn that your natural affinity for phallus bearers is a gift and not a curse…then all of this conversation about who needs to do what for us to get together will be moot. this is why i’m takin’ my momma to see sade instead of opening the rolodex (that and i have to rescue her from the utter boredom that is my father e’ery now and again)…the pomp and circumstance, hidden meanings and presumptions are thick cesspool that i’d rather not swim in. but being with someone that is entirely comfortable in their own skin is refreshing…e’erything doesn’t need to be dissected and analyzed and all of this magazine, microwave “minute make-over” madness does women a HUGE disservice (‘specially when you consider that half the time the chicks on the COVER are just as–or more–high-strung, hung-up and ran-through than the everyday woman).

          you’re NOT status quo by birth…you’re a beautiful, unique creature with a story someone wants to learn, live and LOVE. so why veil it to appear “good enough” when SHARING it makes you extraordinary!?

          • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

            a n1gga stay in moderation tho’…DAMN.

            • LA2Tally

              LURV this!!!

      • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        I see the rock solid hair game in your avi. Nice! That will help in finding the good menzzz.

        and Haagen Daaz Dulce de Leche is my sh*t.

        • Yaadgyrl

          GURL…. I recently got these darn blonde highlights. I told my hairdresser to surprise me and she went blonde. would have never picked that color. Dang it if kneegrows and non-kneegrows don’t fall out over this darn hair. I guess if you want extra attention, get blonde highlights?

          • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

            I got blondish highlights…I love em. Sometimes you gotta go all the way live.

          • Yoles

            yaadgyrl that hair is looking sooo da*m good… you’re killing me over here…. you go head

            • Yaadgyrl

              thanks honey

          • http://www.twitter.com/makinghisstory Evan McAuthur Kane (Shruggie Low-down)

            teasin’ tho’…;P

            and i, of course, agree/co-sign/stamp/echo e’erything you said.

      • WIP

        glad I’m not the only one that hides ice cream from myself.

        oh, and I agree.

        • Yaadgyrl

          do you get happy too when you forget you hid it and find it when you’re looking for someone else? I feel like I hit the lotto when that happens.

          • WIP

            Yes! Maybe not Lotto, but Cash-3.

            • Yaadgyrl

              lol @ cash 3

      • Atypical Double X

        OMG the bend and snap!!! Works every time!!!

        I have to concur that for the most part I am completely content with my singleness… There are times when I wish I had a Y around, like trash day, oil change day or when I have to break out the tool box… But… those moments are few and last all of 30 seconds…

        As my homie B will attest (especially since he constantly dogs me about it) I have EXTREMELY high standards and I refuse to lower them… Why should I??? They are not unrealistic… If you’re can’t meet the criteria you will not be accepted to the Ivy League… Please step out of line and allow the one behind you to move forward… Thanks have a good day…

        I know he’s out there somewhere but am I going to spend my time pining away as I sit somberly in a tower hopefully awaiting that someday when my prince will come??? MAN HELL NAW!!! I got better things to do like watch CNN, ESPN, book this flight to LA, plan this trip to Brazil and make these patties and coco bread…

        Note to Prince Charming… Call before you come so I can plan to be home… Please and thank you…

        • Yaadgyrl

          you make patties and coco bread and you’re single? Girl what’s your #? I know at least 10 good men who will marry you based on that fact alone.

          • WIP

            Hell, I’ll marry you if you can make some good jerk chicken patties LOL

        • http://thejahfiles.blogspot.com/ B. Brown

          First of all, I don’t dog you about anything. Stop spreading rumors. Timex Social Club.

          Second, I love your choice of wording about your standards. High. Yaadgyrl: if any of those 10 men you referred to can fit inside a normal-size doorway without having to duck, you can eliminate them from any list of possibles for her.

          And third, we’re going to talk about this patties and coco bread thing. By the way, I hope your dream man works for PPA…and knows Gina.

          • Atypical Double X

            There you go again… The whole doorway thing… :-p

            I had to learn how to make them because I was spending too much money buying them…

        • http://obsidianraw.bravejournal.com Obsidian

          @Atypical Double X,
          “As my homie B will attest (especially since he constantly dogs me about it) I have EXTREMELY high standards and I refuse to lower them… Why should I??? They are not unrealistic… If you’re can’t meet the criteria you will not be accepted to the Ivy League… Please step out of line and allow the one behind you to move forward… Thanks have a good day…”

          O: The Ivy League is overrated, one…

          Two, never let the Perfect be an Enemy of the Good…

          Three, Woman’s greatest foe is her own Rationalization Hamster…

          In this case I can see she is alive and well…

          Thank you & good night.

          O.

          • Atypical Double X

            I think that you comment would be more applicable to me if you had actually taken the time to ask what my qualifications are….

            1. Standards are never overrated… Just because I name mine and others don’t does not mean that mine are more or less stringent than others… Everyone has an Ivy League… All Star… Hall of Fame… Ace… Whatever you want to call it but we all have that one person or group of person who we base our standard on… I just happen to use IVY League this time… You will see me use other terms…

            2. I never said I wanted perfect… I said I have standards… The two are not equivalent…

            3. Where in my statement did you see this hamster pop up??? And more importantly where did you see how I was allowing it to hinder me???

            Willingness to accept anything is an invitation to chaos and misery… You are more than welcome to choose confusion in and pain in your life… As for me… the world is filled with enough hurt and sorrow… No need for me to add more…

            But thanks for the attempt…

      • SqueakDaddyKane

        Real talk, if Coming To America taught us anything, it’s that a woman can be groomed for a man SINCE BIRTH and STILL end up single.

        “I can’t get with this broad man, she like EVERYTHING I like. I need a chick who gon challenge me!”

    • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

      Look, we don’t make the rules, ma.

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        This is so simple, and yet so poignant that it’s t-shirt material. Verbatim.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        lol. that’s deep. but truer den a muhf*cka

      • naturalista88

        Idk why, but I heard this being said in Cam’ron’s voice as I read it.

        • Yaadgyrl

          haha…

  • LMNOP

    I don’t know.
    There are like 8,927 kinds of peanut butter these days. It is hard to choose among all of these good options, but if I go to the store with peanut butter on my grocery list, I am not going to leave without it just because there were too many good choices.

    • http://naturallyalise.com/blog/2011/06/15/the-mj-inexperience/ Naturally Alise

      Word to George Washington Carver. Wait, what?

      • LMNOP

        I should have put a disclaimer
        *this may or may not make any sense.*
        it made sense to me while I was writing it, but that doesn’t mean much

        • http://naturallyalise.com/blog/2011/06/15/the-mj-inexperience/ Naturally Alise

          made perfect sense to me! However, I am a bit off at times… lol

          • DQ

            Made sense to me, and the word to George Washington Carver is undeniably for the win.

            As for the peanut butter, you may not leave the store until you have it, but you also aren’t going to take the first jar you come across (i.e. leaving the store is like leaving the dating game)

            Sometimes you just gotta stick your Reese’s in enough peanut butter to know when you finally got your cup right.

            • Mo-VSS

              Uhm, no. You don’t.

              Ya boy Common said “It don’t take a whole day to recognize sunshine.”

              Y’all negroes see it, but are afraid to “what else may be out there.”

              Newsflash homie…the grass ain’t greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.

              • tezzybaby

                Word.Life. to that last sentence

                • Yoles

                  +1

                • StillSuga

                  +2

                  • Girl Kanyeshrug

                    +3

                    • LA2Tally

                      + 50-lebbin’

              • DQ

                Actually your last line is part of the equation. No one believes that the grass isn’t greener on the other side. You can tell them all day but people have to switch yards (sometimes repeatedly) before they believe it. Truly accepting this axiom sometimes comes with age and perspective. It’s also true that just because you water it doesn’t mean it doesn’t grow weeds, crab grass, and have patches. But being willing to accept that as part of the yard comes with perspective that most only get with age and hindsight. Word to me.

                • nickalee

                  This is me.. clicking my imaginary “like” button..

              • Girl Kanyeshrug

                YEP!!!!!

              • http://www.shesoflyy.tumblr.com muze

                “Newsflash homie…the grass ain’t greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.”

                GIRL.

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

                I know that Common said that, and probably heard somebody else to say that, but that’s just the point…its a lot of 40 degree day women out here. lol.

                word to the wire.

                • Kirk Lazzarus

                  its a lot of 40 degree day women out here. lol.

                  Like my 95% of my office!

              • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

                @Mo-VSS:

                A VSB recognize sunshine.

                But it’s like 8,000,000 suns out.

                Errrrday.

                It’s like being in an ice cream shop, and all the flavors are your favorite.

                Or that commercial where homeboy died and heaven was a white room with stack of giant chocolate chip cookies, but then he opens the fridge and there’s no milk.

                We just looking for the milk.

                • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                  “We just looking for the milk.”

                  And you want said milk to be free. No country for buying cows. ;)

                  • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

                    It ain’t gotta be free. If it’s good milk, i’ll pay.

              • SqueakDaddyKane

                ‘the grass ain’t greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.”

                Dag. That was introspective.

                Real talk, though, this is what keeps brothas from either a) committing, or b) staying committed. You have to embrace the fact that you got the best thing for you and develop THAT relationship. an idle mind leads to destruction. Instead of focusing on what you MIGHT be missing, bruthas should take Panama’s post into consideration that most of the women out there probably rate about the same on paper, after the newness wears off you still got the same old crackers. Word to Eddie Murphy.

                • nickalee

                  and this is why everyone should see “Hall Pass”.. no lie

              • Yeah…So

                Wow! I like that… ALOT!

      • http://twitter.com/Phidelity15 Phidelity15

        I have no idea why I’m laughing so hard but this has me in tears

    • Bouier

      In that situation though, you’re not factoring in brand loyalty or the arbitrariness of the decision.

      I feel like that statement is going to cause a lot of problems…

    • Scorpio?

      I hear what you’re saying… And I agree. But if said store allowed you to sample as many types of PB as you’d like before purchasing your selection, who knows how long you’d try before you buy… And THAT is the really reason… I gua-run-tee that if the ladies stopped putting out before marriage (ya know, like it was before birth control and abortion b/c pregnancy was a reality and not just an inconvenience) this whole issue would dis.a.ppear. Now that’s unrealistic, but it’s still true.

      • naturalista88

        But then we’d all be a bunch of women who saved ourselves and still look the same to most men. Eh, menoknow anymoe….

      • LMNOP

        Wow. I have always been against being against sex before marriage, but that peanut butter sampling analogy is the truth. Anything I can smell before buying, like shampoos or air fresheners, I spend a loooong time deciding which one I am going to get. If i spend too long sometimes I jusst get frustrated and decide that actually I’m not going to buy an air freshener today, because I liked the mountain spring scent, but I also liked the mountain breeze and the new zealand spring, and I’m not even sure what the difference is anyway, so how can i decide?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          i feel like you’re having a moment.

        • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com weethomas

          Hmm, yeah, I never take that long “sampling” anything.

          I may not know the exact brand/model soap or shampoo I’m going to buy when I walk in the store, but I have an idea of what I like and tend to zero in on that pretty quickly without having to check out anything else. The only time that happens is if something catches my eye that is new or for whatever interesting, then I may reach for that and do a quick compare/contrast.

          I suppose if you have a hard time making up your mind, then the sampling approach to life may not work for you. . .

        • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

          @LMNOP:

          EXXXXXXCATLY!!!!!!!

          Except where you just put them down and walk away, guys go eenie meenie miney, mo…

          Autobots, roll out.

      • Yaadgyrl

        Interesting angle but I feel like marriage isn’t the holy grail Happiness is. For me anyway. What point does it make to marry the wrong person only to be miserable and ultimately divorce?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          if only more people who swore they believed Happiness was the goal, lived by that mantra.

          we’re all aware that for many women, marriage is the end goal. hell it might be for some men too.

          • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

            Yea but for the boobed (the majority of them), marriage is an essential part of happiness. That’s how they were raised. For guys, its would be nice, but it’s not ALWAYS mandatory.

            A man’s love is life/ A woman’s life is love.
            -Phonte Coleman

            • Yaadgyrl

              I guess my b00bs aren’t big enough cause marriage can’t be all sunshine and birds of paradise and all things I equate with happiness if so many married people are unhappy and so many marriages end in divorce. I’m not saying you can’t be married and be happy but I am saying you can be happy without being married.

              • SqueakDaddyKane

                I feel you. Marriage is what you make of it. There’s unhappy people in UNMARRIED relationships.

              • naturalista88

                +1

          • Yaadgyrl

            you’re right.

      • Qozmic

        I’m not one for romanticizing the past… Just because you wait to have sex with somebody until you get married, doesn’t mean you are marrying the right person. In fact, I think it makes it more likely you’ll marry the wrong person because you are just trying to get it in with SOMEBODY. And wind up jumpin (the broom) for the first person who comes along and isn’t a complete simp.

        Sex is important in marriage. Just like other things. You ever buy a car without test driving it?… I didnt’ think so.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          i haven’t. but i’ll tell you what. i rarely EVER try clothes on before buying them in the store. could just be a man thing though. dressing rooms can be intimidating. all of those flashing…lights…and then the little tiny Asian man who comes by with the mints while i’m trying on my 501s. its all just too much. it scares me.

          • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com weethomas

            Yeah, this whole analogy falls apart when you consider how most men shop.

            • LMNOP

              I am amazed the analogy managed to go this far actually.

              I’m single and not looking to date at the moment, so I try to relate dating to things that actually are a regular part of my life, like grocery shopping.

              • LMNOP

                why am i in e-time out?
                boo.

          • TheRealestLeo

            I feel you….The only clothes I try on are suits. and my military unis. And technically, I get fitted for most of my suits anyway, so that’s a given.

            • http://thejahfiles.blogspot.com/ B. Brown

              I never try anything on because I know what size I wear. Same thing with women. I know who fits me, so I don’t waste time window shopping.

              • TheRealestLeo

                That’s what’s up. I’m still out here trying to figure out the simple ish most people take for granted….like what it takes to go on a date every once in a while, for example. Or why women show up to the club dressed to a tee yet will never give any man that approaches her the time of day. but then dance with three of her female friends. (and we ain’t talkin’ the single ladies’ ‘circle’-type dancing either…..lol)

                • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

                  i just blame Republicans for that.

                  • Qozmic

                    Hahaha!… I don’t even know what that means PJ, but I like the feel of it.

                    “George Bush did it!”….

                • Qozmic

                  Here’s the trick…

                  Look for those group of women that are NOT all looking at each other and having a good time, but instead are all looking outwards into the crowd/club/whatever… That’s how you know their agenda is finding a dude. You walk into that crowd and grab the SECOND cutest one… and you’re in. They’re in competition. You choose the cutest and it’s status quo… choose the second…and you start a controversy.

              • Qozmic

                To each his reach, my brother… good luck with that.

          • Heidi Shultz

            totally do this. So it’s not just a man thing. Although, this is prolly how I end up with enough clothes to fill a house and most of em don’t fit my ass anyhow. Yikes. I hate shopping, so the faster I can get in and get out of that too-bright store with the shitty music playing…the better.

          • Qozmic

            I am an odd size, so I tend to try on everything that I don’t already own something exactly like it… But I’m also a creature of habit so I have about a dozen of the pants that I like….

            But my point still stands.

            How jacked up would it be to marry a broad and find out she ain’t NEVER givin head… or lettin you go down on her….? Or she can only do it in missionary position….? Or her sex game just iggs you out….?

            Maybe it’s me… but some things I just gotta test drive…

            • http://thejahfiles.blogspot.com/ B. Brown

              All. Of. This. Here.

              As someone who’s had experience with someone who fit that entire set of questions, I emphatically and completely co-sign the above.

      • SqueakDaddyKane

        @Scorpio?

        My only prolem with this is that wouldn’t eventually all the peanut butter start to taste the same? There can’t be THAT much difference in the ingredients, i mean its still all peanut butter. U eventually HAVE to make a choice and live with it.

    • Imperfect

      I was gonna say I always go with Peter Pan…but he don’t wanna grow up.

      Maybe that’s the problem…I like Peter Pan

      • sunshyne84

        The last time I went grocery shopping I bought pb/j swirl. What does that mean?

        • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

          That you are a nasty, nasty girl. Nice.

          • Imperfect

            …Better than what I was gonna say…about how it looks piled on top of bread…
            *shutters at the thought* Maybe I’ll try Jif, that sounds like a good wholesome name

          • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

            “That you are a nasty, nasty girl. Nice”

            LMAO! You know I scroll through the comments looking for your avi so I can die laughing right? Ok, just thought you should know

            • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

              Really? That makes me happy inside. Not outside though. You know we ain’t supposed to smile and sht.

              Aw what the hail… :D

      • Yaadgyrl

        Introspection is always a good thing.

    • Yaadgyrl

      BUT….I wouldn’t grab any ol peanut butter…If I want super chunky and the current store is out, I may try something that looks like super chunky or more appealing than super chunky and if I don’t like those, Imma go elsewhere to get the super chunky I want. Now if I get tired of looking for super chunky and I NEED my peanut butter, I may accept chunky but I am not going to go with smooth and expect it to somehow turn into super chunky.

    • keisha brown

      me likey this post!

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

    But Barney done already told me I was special. You calling Barney a liar?

    • http://naturallyalise.com/blog/2011/06/15/the-mj-inexperience/ Naturally Alise

      If you can’t trust an extinct eggplant colored character who can you trust? Le sigh…

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        That’s what I’m saying. And I hear that Barney is at least a 4 so who should I believe, really?

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        Barney ain’t eeem that special. He just wish he were a velociraptor.

    • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM

      No, AC. You are special…. just like everyone else.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        LMAO. nice.

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        As long as y’all acknowledge my specialness. No short bus. On Thursday.

  • SororSalsa

    I think there is a lot of validity to this. I’m finding that when I go on first dates, I get the “So…why are you still single?” question from almost every man. Perhaps the plethora of good woman options have left ya’ll confused. Well…more confused than usual.

    I keed, I keed.

    • http://naturallyalise.com/blog/2011/06/15/the-mj-inexperience/ Naturally Alise

      Those guys that ask that tho, I have never gotten un-single with any of them. Things that make you go hmmm…

      • AfroPetite

        “Those guys that ask that tho, I have never gotten un-single with any of them”

        -____- story of my life!

        • Imperfect

          We must be the same person

      • LMNOP

        hmm…

        a lot of guys do it, but that is kind of a dumb question to ask, maybe these guys stay single because of their awkward social skills.

        • SororSalsa

          Talk about your back handed compliment….I think those guys think they’re giving one when they ask why you’re single.

          But the implication is, “So, what’s wrong with you?” Cuz you must be [insert negative adjective here] for some man not to have snapped you up already.”

          • TheRealestLeo

            I actually have never asked a woman why she’s single. Nothing good could possibly come out of the ensuing conversation/argument.

            It’s so much easier (and secretly more satisfying) for me to figure that out through casual conversation and getting to know her…..lol

            • naturalista88

              Smart man you are *lol*. I don’t get why you would ask anybody why they’re single, just comes off as arseholish if you ask me.

            • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 herbetteroption

              i ask sometimes, i’m intrigued to see what she says about herself or she go with “ni**as aint ish” route (red flag btw)

              • TheRealestLeo

                Now that is definitely a red flag. And I could see asking just to see if a woman goes that route.

              • http://twitter.com/Phidelity15 Phidelity15

                Well what would be an acceptable answer to a question like that? I get asked that question alot and I usually just say something along the lines of I haven’t found the one yet and he hasn’t found me.

                I’m starting to think that any answer to such an awkward question would be seen as a red flag.

                • TheRealestLeo

                  Somewhere along the lines of “I haven’t met the right one yet” would work for me.

                  As long as she isn’t blaming her singleness on the entire male gender or anything stupid like that, I have no choice but to accept that answer.

            • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 herbetteroption

              i agree there are A LOT of good quality wifeable women out there, and good brothas well we’re a dying breed (i consider myself one, thus the screenname) so simple logic says when we pair off alot of women gonna be dancing alone

              • TheRealestLeo

                I think that good men are a dying breed as well…..But there is a disconnect between good men and good women…..because I don’t see too many women in my demographic actually showing good men (which includes myself) much love in real life.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              my reason for never asking is simpler than that…she won’t know anyway. how many dudes break up with a chick and then tell her why she’s single…she agrees…and then is self-aware enough to take that knowledge forward and do something about it (assuming the dude was right)…and then remains single?

              very few.

              most of the single women i know are single b/c they lack a lot of self-awareness and its easier to play woe is me. not all. please believe i dont mean all women. i know some very self-aware women..and you know what, most of them have male suitors like a mug. assuming they don’t look like my telephone.

              • Yaadgyrl

                gospel

          • Caballeroso, P.E.

            “Talk about your back handed compliment….I think those guys think they’re giving one when they ask why you’re single.

            But the implication is, “So, what’s wrong with you?” Cuz you must be [insert negative adjective here] for some man not to have snapped you up already.””

            I get this question from women I’ve dated a lot. You’re right that it possibly implies “So, what’s wrong with you?”, but I don’t take offense to it because I know that any reasonably intelligent person is aware that if it looks too good to be true….

            I take it as an attempt for them to give me the opportunity to sell myself (kinda like when in a job interview you’re asked about your weaknesses). Besides, you never know when somebody may actually tell you that they’re crazy…and you’d be wise to listen.

            • LMNOP

              I think “Wow, I can’t believe you’re single.” is a compliment.

              change the words around a little to a question and not so much.

              • WIP

                My current said that to me several times after we started dating and I wasn’t quite sure how to feel about it. It kinda felt like he was waiting for a reason to say “ohhhh, now I see why” LOL

              • Dee

                Yep! That’s a much better way of putting it.

            • RG

              Another reason you don’t mind is because men usually don’t get offended by the question. Most of the time a single cat is single by choice because he’s not ready to settle down. We just take the question in stride and keep it moving. No offense taken.

            • http://thirtythoughts.wordpress.com thirtythoughts

              I asked a guy why he was still single, but got the obvious answer, ” I just haven’t found the right person, I guess.” When in actuality, the honest answer (I learned) would have been “because I choose to be.” He too has found it difficult to choose a suitable brand of peanut butter, and I’m sure he’s having a ball “shopping.” Lol

              The honest answer would have saved he and I both a lot of time and energy, but of course would also have gotten him nowhere as far as the goodies go, so que sera sera…

      • Caballeroso, P.E.

        If you’re single though, doesn’t that mean you also didn’t get un-single with the ones who didn’t ask as well? Just curious.

      • https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=32012299&op=1&view=all&subj=1067228027&id=45005875#!/profile.php?id=45005875 ProfCourt

        #Co-sign

    • Mel – The Bone Collector

      “So…why are you still single?”

      I always answer this with, “Most likely, the same reason you’re still single.”

      • http://twitter.com/kjnetic peter parker

        *checkmate* lol

      • SororSalsa

        Touche.

      • nickalee

        me2

    • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM

      I’ve been asked the “why are you still single” question quite often. And it’s always the same answer. I haven’t found anyone to make me want to change that status yet. Simple, concise, and true.

      • WIP

        Listening to some radio DJ and he recalled when he decided to settle down, he felt like he HAD to take that woman off the market.

      • R.C

        Good answer! I gotta use that one, credits to the author of course :)

    • Qozmic

      Honestly… I don’t ask that question. I usually just assume there’s something wrong with you. Mostly I assume it’s trust issues. I know that’s not fair, but that’s 100%

      • Mo-VSS

        And you know what? THIS (trust issues as the reason why many men and women are single) I can 100% agree with. The more relationships a person has that end (no matter what the terms), the more chances a person has to deduce that all relationships will end the same way. Thus, a person becomes jaded and begins to think “when will the other shoe drop” and that line of thinking definitely doesn’t bode well for building anything long-term.

        • Qozmic

          Exactly!

  • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

    your theory makes sense. now my question to you is what makes a man decide to settle on chick a versus chick b if they are both “good” women? don’t worry i’ll answer for you. he believes that he’s actually missing out by not being with her or she has a s*x game that is unparalleled (yes its that simple).

    • pglstt

      I agree it comes down to who can get it on best

    • Yoles

      s*x game that is unparalleled (yes its that simple).”

      hmmm in my longitudinal scientific study me just being nosey and asking men that i know their private business i have found many, many men that engaged/married woman who were NOT their “best” sex partner! now i am not speaking of the closeness and tenderness that comes with making love with someone that you love yadda, yadda, yadda… i’m speaking about the chick that changed your whole outlook on s.ex, the chick that did things that made you have to tell somebody, the chick that had you doing things and reacting in ways you never thought you would…. most of the men i ask (away from their S/O) admit that she isn’t the one that they wifed up… now this… hmmmm

      • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

        yeah those dudes lost.

        • Mo-VSS

          Most dudes don’t wife the greatest sex they ever had. Not to say some haven’t, but a large majority that I know haven’t. So….

          You need more people with that one.

          • Rogman

            Yes I dont know where he is getting that info from. That is a goddamn fairy tale

            • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear

              My greatest smang partners weren’t really keep-able. They would have anchored a brother with their limitations, which were far beneath my own and smanging was and still is not the great equalizer. Such a heartbreaker…

      • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

        You betta preach, Yoles.

        I think it’s because its also about timing with guys. We could meet a PERFECT woman, but if we ain’t ready to check out, we’ll pass. Adversely, when we’re ready to settle down, we’re ready, so we wife up what’s around. And seeing as how all women look the same on paper, we often feel as if we aren’t losing.

        Bottom line, you p*ssy could have sunshine peeking from your panties, but if dude is 25 and isn’t considering marriage until 30, you might as well take a 5 yr vacation, cuz if he ain’t ready, HE AIN’T READY.

        • nickalee

          add this one to matthew, mark, luke and john.. cuz micthemessenger is preaching the gospel truth

          • LA2Tally

            And the church said. . AMEN!

    • Yaadgyrl

      right there.

    • Qozmic

      I disagree with that. That’s the WORST reason to choose one over another. That’s not how it is gonna be years into the relationship. Women put it on you at the beginning, … then they slack off once they got you.

      • Caballeroso

        My drill sergeant said that if you put a nickel in a jar on the headboard everytime you and your wife have s.ex for the first two years of marriage, then remove a nickel everytime thereafter, you will never empty the jar. That does not inspire one to marry!

        • WIP

          LOL, damn!

        • Classy6ft5

          Hmmmm……How big are these jars?

          • Caballeroso

            I like the way you think. ;)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      i agree with the first half. every girlfriend i’ve had has been because i couldn’t NOT be with her. i just had to.

      re the s*x game though…that might get you in the game…but it wont keep you there. a chick with a crazy s*x game and nothing else stays losing in the long run.

      • Classy6ft5

        re the s*x game though…that might get you in the game…but it wont keep you there. a chick with a crazy s*x game and nothing else stays losing in the long run.

        How I read his comment…is that both women are good on paper, but one trumps the other because her sex is better. Correct me if I’m wrong please.

        Men don’t fuk paper. And I’m not taking about AKA’s (no shots fired. none.)

        • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

          no you’re right. that’s exactly what i meant.

      • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

        i thought that was the point of the post though. the woman with the crazy sex game is a “good” woman. meaning she has all the other things you look for in a woman and on top of that she’l have your toes curling.

    • http://www.greenafrodiva.com Green Afro Diva

      I going to go with he believes he’s missing out for $200 please.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

    But for serious, I don’t agree with this post but I need to think about why I don’t agree with it.

    I may be back, I may not.

    • DQ

      Cliff hanger posts? Really TAC… that’s what you doing post Zombie Apocalypse? You making us wait to see if you’re gonna come back?

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        I think I kinda like the idea of you waiting for me.

        • DQ

          I think I kinda like having a DVR-OnDemand version of TAC, that way I can fast forward through cliff hangers, and rewind funny comments.

    • http://twitter.com/sweetdivalove Mia

      Yuup you pretty much summed it. up.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        but umm…she aint sum up anything. lol

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

      I know that us women aren’t as superspecialunique than we want to believe.

      However, upon further reflection, I think maybe I don’t agree with this post as a whole simply because it feels like I shouldn’t. But I can’t explain why I feel that way.

      It seems that I, too, can be stuck in the muck of inexplicable chick-logic.

      • Yoles

        + Yoles

      • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

        It seems that I, too, can be stuck in the muck of inexplicable chick-logic.

        that seems correct.

        Can yall turn chick logic off?

        Nevermind, stupid question.

        • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

          I can’t turn it off but I can override/overrule it with regular logic and common sense usually. If I’m not all up in my “feelings” and things. It’s much harder to fight my chick-logic then.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          “Can yall turn chick logic off?”

          That’s an illogical question.

          • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

            See what i mean?

      • SqueakDaddyKane

        @TAC

        This presents a conundrum for me as a father b/c what do i tell my daughter? U special but not really? U only special to me? I gotta build her self-esteem for some ninja to come tearin it down on some “u aint all that” tip. IDK man.

        I feel like it’s my job to build her logical self esteem as much as possible. To tell her otherwise would have more devastating effects. It’s irrational for women to go around thinking “i’m not special, i’m just like everyone else, when really it’s just the dude who recognizes ur sunshine(word to Mo-VSS via Common) aint arrived yet.

        • Mo-VSS

          Right…like what is the point of women thinking “we’re all the same” other than breeding more insecurities than we already naturally have.

          Uh-uhn…I’m fabulous and if you don’t think so, who cares? Cuz someone damn sure does.

        • LMNOP

          I think as a parent you try to build your kids up so they have a strong sense of who they are when life inevitably tries to knock them down. You don’t want your kid thinking they’re better than everyone else, but I think its good if sshe thinks that she’s great and that most other people are too.