Theory & Essay

The Morning After.

Wow…almost 700 comments on our 100th post and we managed to bring out a gang of folks who’ve never really commented before.

Kudos.  Canons to the right of them.  Canons to the left of them.

And for the record, I largely expect all of you lurkers who came out of the woodworks to start commenting now.  Change…that’s what Obama’s talking and he’s our Democratic Presidential Nominee.  Change, it’s what’s for breakfast.

Two other things – 1) since so many of you do indeed live in the Washington, DC, area I’m going to try to kick off this DC Happy Hour.  If you’re interested in coming, fill out this form with your name (it can be a fake name, knock yourself out Slappy McDufferman) and e-mail address so I can compile a list and send out an evite or something.

2)  We kcufed up.  Yes we.  Oui.  We kcufed up.  I already said that.  Luckily it wasn’t our fault, it was Jim Jones fault and you all know this.  It’s always Jim Jones fault.  And with that said (I will kill ninjas dead)…

The Richard Simmons Award for the commenter most likely to actually meet everybody involved with VSB.com, not in a dark alley (or maybe a dark alley, heh heh heh) and make sure that we’re staying up on our grizzly and give us hugs goes to Intellecutal Hedonist, who has managed to email us with interesting enough things and enough times to make us feel like she’s part of our family.  She’s also the person who’s most likely to take it in stride that Jim Jones kcufed us up.

Funny the same songs helped us right our wrongs.  Forgive we?

On to today’s post.  We just saw the nomination of our first African-American Presidential Candidate.  Wow.  I honestly thought I’d never see the day.  But I did see the day.  Me and about 500 folks packed out a nightclub to watch it.  By the way Champ, Bonequisha said hi and quit coming late on her child support.

Well the nomination got me to thinking about folks in my life that I’d LOVE to nominate for something.  And since we had a gang of nominations (and one erroneous Republican cock-up) yesterday, I figured I’d keep the democracy alive and tell you a story.

Once upon a time, I dated a crazy chick.  No, really.  I mean she was bonkers.  In fact, let me tell you how bonkers she was.  She was so bonkers that though we never actually went on a date, we were dating.  How in Sam Hill were we dating you ask?  Good question.  I know this because her parents told me that we were a happy couple and had been for quite some time.

Imagine my surprise.  I hadn’t the foggiest.

Bottom line though, apparently I was dating a crazy chick.  Just because I didn’t know it doesn’t mean it wasn’t so.  It just wasn’t all-the-way so.  Just so-so.  So So Def.

Well every so often, this nutso broad runs through my mind and I’m prone to stifling a laugh at that situation.

In fact, if I was given only one chance to nominate a person for one award EVER, she’d be the person as I’d nominate her for Craziest Heffa To Grace The Face of Earth for her constant shenanigans and inability to take no for an answer.

I swear, I once told her that I never wanted to talk to her ever again.  She called me right back to tell me that she only thought I was joking and that I couldn’t possibly mean it.

I keed you not.

So my good friends of VSB.com and newfound lurker friends who’ve been outed as of yesterday:

If you could nominate any of your past relationships or relationshipees for an award…what award would you present to them?  In fact, it can be either good or bad.  We all have somebody we can nominate da**it.  I’ll save the good ones for the comments assuming I can get to them.

And by the way, the Ike and Tina Award for Most Punches Thrown in the middle of a Quiet Conversation goes to a couple I just saw walking down U Street, NW, in Washington, DC who I’d swear were completely in love if they weren’t beating the horse’s arse out of one another.  True story.  Even the cop was confused.

Give it to me baby.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST

PS I ordered my shirt today.  Did you?

Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Naturally Alise

    The “This never happens” award sponsored by Jiffy Pop and your good friends at Minute Rice

  • Leila

    First, I have to say that tonight was such a historical moment and I was so happy to witness it. I never thought that I would see a day where we would have an African-American presidential nominee. It really brought tears to my eyes.

    On to today’s topic, I have met those crazy types. Brings me back to ’96 when a man that I casually talked to asked my parents for my hand in marriage and we never went on a date (true story!). I was 18 and he had to be around 32 at the time.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Brings me back to ‘96 when a man that I casually talked to asked my parents for my hand in marriage and we never went on a date (true story!). I was 18 and he had to be around 32 at the time.”

      you were 18 casually talking to a 32 year old?

  • Sugar HeavenHooter

    GO BARACK!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      damn, a screenname containing three of my favorite things. good job

  • http://graywords1000@yahoo.com Dorian G.

    Honestly I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. For the past 6 years I could vote, I truly believed I must be crazy or in the twilight zone, until tonight. Forgetting all the policies, programs and other things for one second, finally someone at least understands the problems, feelings and frustrations that I AM GOING THRU!

    As for the nominations, after watching the Big Red Machine spin tonight, I would like to nominate the GOP for the Camron “U MAD!” award

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “As for the nominations, after watching the Big Red Machine spin tonight, I would like to nominate the GOP for the Camron “U MAD!” award”

      what…you thought it was gonna be easy? naw…they’re gonna make him EARN this sh*t, lol

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    The Orange Jucie jones/eminem stan award goes to the dude that handcuffed me to the closet…….
    The “most likely ninja to be going around playing happy hooker/reason I get routinely tested” award goes to the ninja who had all the “cousins”
    The “makes me wanna lick the rapper” award goes to my husband!!! Who has stuck with me even with my BAC head game..
    My husband also wins the Jay-Z BDS and ” Shut em down and open up shop” awards!! I think these are pretty self explanatory
    I am giving out multiple “you might be young but you ready” Sweat kelly jackson pedophile of the year award to all the old a$$ men that use to offer to drive me home after majorette practice and sing Morris Day’s “Fishnets” to me..
    And the Wesley Pipes quickest way to talk you’re a$$ outta some draws” award and also the Are you serious gold toofus, Rufus, and The T Paine buy you a drink/fell in love with a stripper/bartender award goes to all the random ninja’s I met while being a waitress/bartender at a seedy a$$ strip club…no I aint lying I don’t do VIP’s… I just bring beers and a set up and yes there is a two drink minimum no that doesn’t include drinking my bathwater, sweat or any other bodily fluid
    the That aint nothing but an ultra perm/let your soul glo award goes to all the light skinned men with kinky hair that have s-curls that they try to pass off as their natural hair

    • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

      you truly have a good man, girl! BAC…good man. LMAO!

    • JBoogie

      “the That aint nothing but an ultra perm/let your soul glo award goes to all the light skinned men with kinky hair that have s-curls that they try to pass off as their natural hair”

      i hate this isht myself…it ain’t natural if it’s greasy, f*cktard…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “The “makes me wanna lick the rapper” award goes to my husband!!! Who has stuck with me even with my BAC head game..”

      i’m still mad, in principle, at BAC.

      • shay-d-lady

        LOL you trying to make up for your slow start?? anyway thanks to GOODE I got a manual and some numbing mints…I might up the frequency a bit now….LMAO

        • Intellectual Hedonist

          you should have hubby send Goody Goody Gum Drops a thank you note.

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    oh I got a few more… The “Juneteenth Give us us free Ms Ceely” goes to the 2 house ninjas I work with that let our southernbelle boss do whatever the he-ll she pleases.. (they ,along with my boss also get the yall gone make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here” /bone thug mo murda mo murda mo murda award….Mr ouija are you with me…….

    • V Renee

      @Shay-d

      Thanks for providing me with a hearty laugh before laying it down. Much appreciated! Beware of these mysterious “cousins” running around….Incest is running rampant out in these streets.

    • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

      Mo murda mo murda mo murda!

      i have a couple folks that could win that award too

  • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Naturally Alise

    The “Eddie Cain Jr Award” goes to the ex that started out great, dumped me when he started smelling himself, got hooked on drugs and then tried to holla at me a few years later!
    …. nights like this I-I wish raindrops would fall-all-all-all-all…”

    • http://www.goodeness.blogspot.com GOODENess

      The “Eddie Cain Jr Award” goes to the ex that started out great, dumped me when he started smelling himself, got hooked on drugs and then tried to holla at me a few years later!
      …. nights like this I-I wish raindrops would fall-all-all-all-all…”

      ***on life support***

    • http://vodkaandmilk.wordpress.com Vodka&Milk

      I am crying, I’m laughing so hard…..haha!

      –Sasha Two Pistols

    • d-weezy

      The whole world is an ashtray to Eddie Kane.
      Yeeeannngggg

      • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

        The whole world is an ashtray to Eddie Kane.
        That joint and
        Aint nobody coming to see you Otis!!! from the temptations are some of my favorite movie quotes…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “nights like this I-I wish raindrops would fall-all-all-all-all”

      this is one of the best lines in movie history

  • V Renee

    Speaking of Morning After. Does anyone else love Frankie B. the way that I do? Oooo-weeeee. Have yall seen him looking extra fresh in the white linen?!?! Frankie can get the ‘I will throw the D’s at the stage award’

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      I love Frankie B and nem…..
      My Favorite? We Are One……Yeah he can definitely get the “aged like fine wine” award….

    • JBoogie

      frankie is my man…i don’t care if he is old enough to be my daddy!

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    also thanks for the shouting out one of my favorite Fresh Prince episodes….I have television/radio tourette syndrome.. where I burst out into random song/slash television and film quotes and very rarely do they have anything to do with the current subject. glad to see someone else has the same disorder..we oughta form a support group and get recognized in the DSM-IV so I can qualify for ADA benefits….

    • http://vodkaandmilk.wordpress.com Vodka&Milk

      Yes I definitely would be a patient. I break out with the most randome songs at the most random of times. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this disorder, :-)

      • R’Tyst

        This is how my co-workers and I get through the day.

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    @Naturally….DANG I was thinking real hard on how I can give an award based on Eddie Caine..the only one I could have given was to my father and he is a musician and his last boss was a very famous soul singer that is trying to make a comeback… i would have given them the eddie cain/flash best male cat fight award but I couldnt remember any of the quotes exactly except for Eddie saying “you even trying to Riff like me” and I cant tell the story with out telling the who and the what so.. I

    • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Naturally Alise

      grrrrrrrrrl, the sad thing is I know that doggone movie by heart….

      • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

        LOL I thought I did but I cant remember that scene now…it could be the severe writer’s block/insomnia I am experiencing hence all the posts at 1 and 2 in the morning CST time…