Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

The Moment When Love and Friendships Collide…

Panama’s latest at Guyspeak

I have a lady friend who seems to have become some sort of relationship savant as of late. I don’t know where or when it happened, but it seems like almost daily, she’s dropping some profound thought she’s having about her past relationships and pursuits in dealing with men. The girl is dropping gems. So brings us to her most recent moment of clarity. 

A little back story, a few weeks ago she engaged in a debate with her friends about the age old tale that men and women cannot be friends. She used our relationship as an example that platonic relationships are possible and her friends posited that it only remains that way because we don’t live in the same city.

Read the rest here.

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

    It happened to me like that all the time. I’d fall in love with a guy friend and he wouldn’t be into it or, more often than not, I hung around the guys a few times the girls were out doing something else and suddenly everybody’s in love with me like a Shakespearean sitcom. I think it’s for the reasons Uncle Panama said; you get comfortable in the friendship level and confuse that level of relationship for a different level and throw your hat into a ring where you may not even make weight.

    Such are the causalities of love, friendship and other relationships.

  • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.com Maris

    I read this on my phone, and everyone around me must’ve thought I was crazy the way I was nodding and pointing and “!!!”-ing.
    It is rough trying to turn the “friendship bubble” into a relationship, and it is precisely that lack of accountability that makes the friendship work. The absolute worst is when both people feel that way, but just can’t figure out how to make it work without bursting the bubble that made the idea attractive in the first place (aka the “Brown Sugar Effect”). Man….

  • nillalatte

    And, you couldn’t have written this when VSBer’s were awake? You know we don’t be checking on the weekends — well, most of the time!

    “Panama, he thinks he loves me [because] I’m easy. Well, I’m only easy because I’m not in love with him. If we were dating I’d become less easy because then expectations come into the picture.” BINGO!

    “You have to be responsible for not being disrespectful to another person. Or being inappropriate.” AND, BINGO!!

    See, friends have different expectations – like hardly any. Once you go to the next level, there are certain expectations that each party has about the other. When emotions enter the picture, those are just hell to deal with sometimes.

    And, since, no one is around, I’m gonna tell… about two weeks ago I visited my ‘friend.’ Things got said. Feelings got hurt, mostly mine. And, I blew town as quickly as possible to ‘divorce’ myself from him. I believe he knew I was upset because he timed exactly when I should be getting home and called to make sure I’d made it home.

    Last weekend, I was looking for a lamp and mentioned that if he’s out, please check to see if this lamp is at the store. He has scoured the damn city looking for me this lamp then took pictures of them and sent to me! He said it was because he now wanted one. Okay, whatever. But, all this doesn’t change the fact that I got in my feelings and I know there’s no way we’re ever going to be together. So, distance is the best solution. He goes on with his life, and me, mine. Right? I think so.

    • Dignan

      “And, you couldn’t have written this when VSBer’s were awake? You know we don’t be checking on the weekends — well, most of the time!”

      Yeah, well I read your comment. Maybe I’m too drunk to give you a coherent response, but dammit, I read it!

  • http://rxfitnesslady.com Joi

    I agree with the post. Everything is everything in a friendship because you don’t have the same responsibilities. I also think that’s why people end up cheating. They think the grass is greener but when you have to deal with a person day in and day out, you just have to learn to live with their flaws. We all have them. No sense in screwing a good friendship!

  • Aj Fresh

    I do agree that once this line is officially crossed(because i would assume its been unofficially crossed during the duration of the friendship) there’s no going back. Not saying you cannot be friends but that the relationship will always be something more than what it was before. I do not agree that the expectations of that friend being a good maybe even great person to be in a relationship with will never happen due to the changes of expectations. I believe genuine friends have been just that authentic and original since the beginning not some artificial clone that gives you the same old reciprocated information. If that is the case both parties know what the other will tolerate and will not tolerate and simultaneously understand the scope of pursing more than “Just Being Friends”. Isn’t the saying “Friends Make The Best Lovers” still true these days or does that only relate to sexual intercourse.