one of the side effects that comes along with intentionally branding yourself as “a person who knows things¹” is that most of the people i interact with care far more about my opinion of things than they do about me. mind you, this isn’t a complaint. my thoughts on gas ovens and the evolution of aziz ansari’s character on parks and recreation are much, much more interesting than anything i’d have to say about anything that’s ever gone on in my life. plus, not having people express polite faux concern about the daily minutiae of my existence means that i don’t have to lie as much as most people do.
basically, a win/win for all.
with this in mind, it shouldn’t surprise you when i say that in the past three weeks, at least two dozen people (give or take 20 or so) have greeted me by asking for my take on the (seemingly) ridiculous romantic requirements expressed by rozonda “chilli” thomas on her VH1 reality show what chilli wants. when i let them know that i haven’t actually seen the show (although, admittedly, i’ve heard and read enough about her “list” to know that she apparently said that she wouldn’t mind dating a wealthy pedophile as long as he didn’t eat pork–or something like that), they press on, attempting to bait me into a discussion by making a connection between chilli’s ridiculousness and unrealistic black women and their respective and equally ridiculous requirement lists.
at this point i usually change the subject to mike brown’s substitution patterns or the surprisingly nice looking 2010 ford tauruses. if i were to answer, though, i’d probably say each of the following things:
1. anyone who’s been famous for half of their life (as chilli has) isn’t normal, and it’s silly to base your feelings about a collective group on the actions of one baby-haired extra-terrestrial.
2. she (and anyone else) can make lists however she chooses to. the title of the show is what chilli wants, not what everyone thinks chilli should settle for. with that being said, we just need to understand that with concrete requirements come consequences. basically, if you limit your options…your options will be limited.
3. the problem with her (and pretty much everyone else’s) list isn’t that it’s too specific. no, most lists actually aren’t specific enough.
i imagine that number 3 is a bit surprising. i mean, isn’t having arbitrarily specific height, weight, and salary requirements exactly what’s wrong with, well, everything?
well, vague specificity doesn’t actually say sh*t about you or your particular tastes, which makes things even more difficult, which is why its so important to be f*cking exact. what’s the point of going through the trouble to make a mental requirement checklist if you’re just going to fill it with the type of half-hearted indistinctions found in a fisher-price boyfriend template instruction packet? think about it. “6’3”, dark-skinned, and handsome” describes idris elba as well as mr. ed.
for instance, while saying you’d like someone “smart and funny” is cool in a mildly retarded way, admitting you desire someone smart and funny enough to wittily articulate exactly why the season three premiere of the boondocks wasn’t really that smart or funny at all is much more sensible, practical, and meaningful.
sure, pretty much every woman would like a “strong and physically fit” man, but strong and physically fit in the “i just want him to look imposing enough in his suit to scare away census workers and jehovah’s witnesses” sense or the “while wall-straddling him, can he hold a camcorder in one hand while keeping me in place with the other?” sense?
i’ve even began to alter the wording in my own preferred mental list. vanilla terms like “considerate” and “curvy” have been replaced by “someone who’ll at least wait until after the game is over to pick a fight about me buying the wrong color place mats” and “do i catch old men sneaking peaks at her *ss when they think i’m not looking?“. even deal-breakers like ”excessively needy” have given way to “if i go 70 seconds without returning her gchat message, will she say “hello! hello!” in caps repeatedly?”
this type exactness and expression might seem frivolous, but its purpose is to narrow down exactly what makes you happy and why. and, if you can’t give any contextual and practical reason why “he must make six figures” or “she can’t weigh more than 140 pounds” is on your list, it’s probably not as important to you as you think it is.
anyway, i’m curious: people of vsb.com, forget about “tall” and “sexy” and “sexually adventurous” and the rest of the aggressively unambitious and meaningless sh*t on your half-assed lists. with the importance of exactness in mind, be creative and tell me, what the hell do you REALLY want?
¹”the weirdo who tries to find meaning in meaningless sh*t nobody cares about” would also fit here
—the champ
“what the hell do you REALLY want?”
I wanna be first.
yep. the rest of the list is insignificant compared to this one point
Hahahaha…you got what you wanted!
YESSS! *fist pump*
Now, to get that man…I’m on a roll, obviously.
Hmm. I dunno Champ. I have a list full of very specific things (you know, instead of “tall” I want 6’3″ or taller)….and when I find those things in a guy I meet, these guys never really pan out to be anyone I actually WANT to be with. I don’t think I am a fan of lists in the very detailed sense. It’s like pr0n. You’ll know it when you see it.
Co-sign, cuz I ALWAYS know. precisely when i see it. And besides, when describing what i tihnk i want, i’m vague on purpose so I dont have to worry bout if mr man aint doin it just to clamp me in
Exactly! Or for me feel it.
The show is called what Chilli wants and it’s crazy to me how some people are angry with her for being honest about what she wants. That was a great point Champ!
I am not going to lie I am into so many different types of men. If I were to get detailed instead of me saying I want a man who is masculine I would say I want a man who is not afraid to tell me where we are going for dinner tonight. Or tell his mother how he feels with respect of course. Or is seasoned and knows how he is as a man. But I still have to make a connection with a man even if he has those qualities.
The annoying thing about Chilli, I guess is that she’s 38 with a son (that she had out of wedlock, nttawwt, but she seems to be on super high moral ground as if she’s perfect), and expects the world…because she was once a superstar? I am having a hard time figuring out what’s with her sense of entitlement. Famous and Fabulous or not, I don’t ever feel like I’m entitled to having the perfect man of my dreams (um, if he even exists). I think a lot of celebs have a warped sense of entitlement.
So…you’re just gonna give up on the list because 10 (100) dudes were douchedivadudes? I don’t know…am I the only guy that KNOWS settling for that which is not on my list is a recipe for failure to commit? Just like pr0n…we can play for a little while…but you gotta go home afterwards if you ain’t what I want.
I’m not settling because I don’t have a detailed laundry list to go by. I’m saying having a list (specific or general) STILL doesn’t guarantee happiness, nor does it get me any closer to happiness than a guy who doesn’t have my list-items.
Many guys look good on paper (i.e. meet list requirements) and are still wack (for me). I didn’t say they were divadudes or douchebags, either. These guys were/are probably otherwise great people (duh, cuz my list isn’t full of crap), just not good for me, or not good for me at the time I experienced them. Fall back.
That being said, my short list of very general things:
1. Have integrity.
2. Have a strong relationship with God outside of showing up to church on Sunday mornings.
3. Have a good sense of humor and be able to make me laugh.
4. Have a very strong work ethic.
5. Be attractive (to me).
See? Nothing on this list consists of specific things like job, career, income, or height requirements (even item #5 is pretty broad in my book)…because I can create those lists till I am blue in the face and they still fail lol.
You are so wrong for that “duh”. I arseumed that you were saying the dudes might not have been the best people personality wise. I have experienced situations similar to what you described and walked away without taking advantage of the situation.
So…did you think about refining your non detailed laundry list because of those interactions. Maybe the 5’3″ dude isn’t all that bad? That’s a healthy thing…maybe? I’m just trying to look out for the miniature dudes due to short women’s attraction to me and that might end up in a short son being produced…and I won’t know what to tell his tiny self while I’m over 6′ tall. Fall forward…
LOL! I’m 5’9″ and used to have a thing for basketball players….but I think I realized guys will break your heart regardless of height (imagine that!). I think people use detailed lists as roadmaps to happiness, and maybe that’s my concern.
There’s so much more beyond a guy who doesn’t eat pork, doesn’t drink, and has a washboard stomach.
You type too fast and you cheated…where’s my edit button? So you would date a small person. That’s so sweet……well…the shat is pretty funny actually. So…would he have to wear heels like Prince?
LOLOLOL. I have dated someone shorter than me. It was strange at times. I was still very attracted to him, but it was awkward when we were out and about. One of my hottest and loveliest friends married a guy shorter than her and she’s totally head over heels in love with him. Her other choice was a tall, fine, smart, successful, rich, black man that many women chased after…and he was/is a total douchebag. Stuff like height measurements seems silly in this case. I would have gone with the shorter dude too.
Plus, my dad is 6’7″, I have some good height genes on my side of the fam for the kids’ sake.
I have felt his pain in the past. I have a thing for long women myself. Wooo jaysus…something about a woman my height in 4″ heels…not the bad built type though…gotta be well proportioned. Trying to bend down just enough to slow dance with my head in her lady pillows…as she rubs and kisses the top of my head. Well…I just developed the need for some ummm…self reflection..before going to sleep so…nice convo…we gotta do it again sometime. buh bye
“I’m not settling because I don’t have a detailed laundry list to go by. I’m saying having a list (specific or general) STILL doesn’t guarantee happiness, nor does it get me any closer to happiness than a guy who doesn’t have my list-items”
this is why its important to have a list that outlines the things that would actually make you happy.
“Hmm. I dunno Champ. I have a list full of very specific things (you know, instead of “tall” I want 6?3? or taller)”
thats the thing. even saying “i want someone 6’3” or taller” doesn’t mean as much as “someone who doesn’t have to stand on their toes when we take pictures” or “someone who’s tall enough to be an undersized nba shooting guard”
“someone who doesn’t have to stand on their toes when we take pictures”
The only person who would have to be THIS specific is Brigitte Nielsen.
I ran into the Houston Comets in a club around the turn of the century. All I gotta say is wow…I asked one to dance…she said “are you sure you want to dance with me”? I said why not. She stood up…I needed new drawls by the end of the night…literally humped her leg…she just laughed and smiled and grabbed on my azz (damm tease)…was too embarrassed to get her number…had to get drunk just to stay there…waved her away in the parking lot. Our kids would have been my height by now…she had me by at least 3 inches…she might have been 6’5″. And I meant plural because that long fine thang had me gone…barefoot and pregnant…that is all. I was too young then…would kill for her now.
First of all, you edit your posts (and thus your points) after people have commented. Not fair to those of us who comment early on.
Secondly, being specific and exact on my list doesn’t help me anymore than it does if I said, “tall.”
I haven’t replied in a while, but I was inspired to do so on this one. In my Mother’s Day Bliss (grandma had the pumpkin for the weekend), I was able to catch up on mindless TV watching with some other childless mom friends and we decided to get up to speed on the reality shows. We watched Tots and Tiaras (aka Pimp My Child for Pedophiles), Family Business w/ Ray J and Brandy (I would’ve rather watched him and Kim K get all Mr. Marcus & Janet Jackme than that madness) and, of course, What Chilli Wants…
I spent the hour (I could only take 2 episodes) wondering what the hell is wrong with her and then it came to me that she was not really looking for a man (at least not in that forum) so I couldn’t even take her “dates” seriously and her friend is a hot man-less (and fashion) mess, so why is she qualified to “hook” Chilli up? That said, I think you hit it right on the head Champ. However, while your comments are funny as hell, that specific list thing is a disaster waiting to happen. Often what we want (read: what you THINK you want) is not what you NEED or in most cases what’s good for you. It’s a crap shoot (albeit it should be an educated/calculated one, but a crap shoot none the less). You have to have an idea, hence the general lists, but you also have to (or should be) open to the unexpected.
“but you also have to (or should be) open to the unexpected.”
this is exactly what i usually tell women before i sleep with them
I agree. I felt like she wasn’t really looking for anyone with a list like that. Then again…what dating shows are real anyways?
That is what I was thinking. I don’t believe that his her real list. I think she makes it extra for ratings! I don’t know.
I said his her lol…I meant her.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, i’m pretty sure Aziz Ansari’s character is a lot more interesting then anybodys life. If theres one person I’d allow an arrange marriage between myself to, it would be him.
But this isnt about me
, apparently it’s about Chili. And what chili wants, honestly is a bunch of bullshit.
First of all, why is it always the short people who want taller men? I know 5’4 women that will not (and have never) dated anyone under 6’0, while i’m 5’9 and i’ve dated everything from 5’9 and up. People like Chili, (in a ‘i know her as well as anybody whos seen a half an episode of her show knows her’ kinda way) want what they wish they were. You close your eyes, imagine how you would wanna be if you were a dude, and write your list.
What you need to do, is stop asking for things you cant provide. I’m sorry, but I’m not gonna ask for a extra crispy built ripped buff washboard abs kinda man, if I dont even know where the closest gym is. Unless YOU make 100k+, unless you are intelligent, unless you have a sense of humour, ect, you have no business asking for it.
I remember one man I dated, the first couple dates were all “yeah, i appreciate a girl who stays active.” Apparently, the fact that i’m a runner was a HUGE plus for him.. but it’s so surprising that while HE was into that about me, our dates consisted of nothing more than eating and eating. And eating.
Don’t get me wrong, I love food just as much as I love to breathe, but if you demand your partner be ‘active’, for example, your setting up an expectation for YOU yourself to be an active person. Because otherwise your about as misleading as any one of the songs of Trey Songz last album… setting standards so high, that when somebody finally comes along and meets them, you fail them yourself.
The moral of the story… lists are cool so long as you can pass your own.
“Unless YOU make 100k+, unless you are intelligent, unless you have a sense of humour, ect, you have no business asking for it.”
The h3ll is that up there ^^^ ?
Remember the movie “Boomerang”? You know…when fat boy was tagging hammer time toe lady (she had to squeeze real hard to feel anything). She settled because he was successful and a nice guy…but just as soooon as ol boy did something crazy…she started clowning his round behind. That’s what settling will lead to…now just imagine if the situation was reversed…your feeling would be hurt. Don’t ask for what you can not provide irregardless (negro speak) of what you think you can compensate for. I really like the (non) word irregardless…it makes me smile.
There wasn’t a fat guy in Boomerang.
@atltx
I think you meant “Waiting to Exhale” where Lela Rochon’s character was dating the plump dude from “The Wire” (his name escapes me). However, you’ll also remember that late in the movie when she didn’t want him any more and he moved on (quickly) she was at the club with her lip stuck out.
@MsEsquire77
It was “Waiting to Exhale”. I’m a dude so I get a pass…thanks for your help!
“It was “Waiting to Exhale”. I’m a dude so I get a pass…thanks for your help!”
ummm, no you don’t. there are no “i got boomerang mixed up with another movie” passes. one more demerit and you lose posting privileges for two hours
I can’t be getting put on timeout and shat. I’ll just hush…for now.
I dunno about this matching theory either. Rarely do i see power couples exist at 100% every opportunity. Couples are often lopsided, with the man making 100K+ ad the woman not making that much. Or someone who is probably smarter than the other (who measures intelligence anyway?). As P posted last week, all you need is time and opportunity….not matching bank accounts or MENSA scores.
I had to Google MENSA. A brother went all scooby dooby doo for a second on that one. That kinda leads into my statement about matching. Yeah…I (barely) made it through a couple of degrees…but hard work that makes me sweat and leaves me funky at the end of the day is my passion. I love landscaping and steadily working towards making it more than a hobby…but project management aka making shat happen is the money maker for now. So…let’s just say that complex math and finance problems get on my damm nerves. I like women that understand these complex subjects…and their willingness to help me understand said subjects so I can work smarter not harder. So yeah…for me…women are the brains and I am the brawn. Not totally opposites…but not exactly alike…works out perfectly!
“Unless YOU make 100k+, unless you are intelligent, unless you have a sense of humour, ect, you have no business asking for it”
i agree in theory, but basically all a person needs to be able to provide is what their potential mate is looking for.
i agree in theory, but basically all a person needs to be able to provide is what their potential mate is looking for.
That’s it right there! Because there are men who want their women to hold their own as far as money goes. And there are men who don’t care. I have read so many blogs, books and mag articles on what men are looking for. The answers are not always the same. It really depends on the man.
@ Santa Monihey
The moral of the story… lists are cool so long as you can pass your own.
Bingo. I don’t see the hype with Chilli. What makes her so fab. One of the men asked her a questions and she point blank said…”Oh no it’s not about me, it’s about YOU. I ask the questions”…wow
I want a well-read chick (no EJ Dickey) who still cares that Inspectah Deck was the most slept on member of the Wu, Golden Arms effed up by being in jail during the height of their era, and that Kagan’s going to pull the Court to the right for a verr verr long time..
but still ashes on the floor during a Katt Williams special, bc despite (maybe bc of) the tragedy that is his personal life, that ninja’s funny as sh1t.
I want a well-read chick (no EJ Dickey) who still cares that Inspectah Deck was the most slept on member of the Wu
its funny you mention this. i was just thinking the other day that deck might be the 7th most popular member of the wu, but he’s responsible for 5 or 6 of the most memorable and quotable verses (first verse of “triumph”, the verse in “c.r.e.a.m” where he kicks the “speak the truth/to the young black youth/ line, his verse in “wu-tang clan aint nothin to…”, his verse in “for heaven’s sake”, etc)
@Champ
You forgot his verse guillotine on OB4CL. GZA and Inspectah Deck were always the best MC’s out of all them. Although they are the best to me they aren’t my favorite in the group.
Meth, Raekwon and Ghostface always seem to come with songs that were hottest but no question GZA and Deck were the lyricists in the group. I think the Wu was even willing to admit that GZA rapped over their heads a bit
“GZA and Inspectah Deck were always the best MC’s out of all them. Although they are the best to me they aren’t my favorite in the group”
i agree. my personal fav list goes ghost, gza, rza, deck
Gza always struck me as the guy to never rap after in a song. If you go into the studio with him I would do my best to make sure my verse comes before his does.
Eric Jerome Dickey was responsible for Storm and The Black Panther getting married so he is not all bad.
@Dash
I didn’t have a clue who Eric Jerome Dickey was until that happened.
anyone who’s actually had a conversation with EJ Dickey would know that he’s brilliant. and anyone who’s actually read any of his last 3-4 books would know that his writing is excellent, researched and clever. wish people who’ve never picked up one of his books would stop dogging him. not saying that this should be the ONLY kind of book a woman reads, but don’t take away from his literary value if you’ve never read it.
@Muse:
Lies lol. I have read about 80 percent of his books. I took a break in the middle then read/purchased some of his recent ones and….I think being able to call him a lit genius and such has to do with the maturity of ones mind. I used to love love love his books…when I was 20. Real page turners. Now that I’m 28, he leaves much to be desired in terms of plot and character development. I feel like I’m reading a Sweet Valley High novel. It’s not to say he’s a bad writer or has changed his style over the years. I think some people “outgrow” his writings, and the folks here saying you shouldn’t be reading EJD mean, “you should have graduated past EJD books.” That’s not dogging him or not to say he isn’t a nice guy, a smart guy, etc. This is also not to say you can’t enjoy an EJD book from time to time. But to be an adult and think he’s the bees knees of the literary world? That’s a problem for some.
@Liz
LMBO at ‘lies’.
don’t get me wrong. not at all saying he is the best of the best in literature whatsoever. what i’m saying is that you can’t group his novels in the same category as much of the ‘black lit’ that is out now because he actually DOES research for his novels, and they have a very authentic feel, even when set in various ‘exotic’ settings. and compared to his early novels, his work has grown immensely. he writes primarily murder-hitman type suspenseful novels now, and as a writer of fiction i appreciate his wording, style and plots. sure, it’s entertainment fiction of course, not to be looked at as something comparable to Toni Morrison or James Baldwin, but it is still 1000% better than a lot of novels that could be grouped in the same category (i call it vaca/beach reading). everything is not meant to be The Bluest Eye, but if you’re going to write for entertainment, at least it can be well-written. and he does that. that’s what i meant.
How is Kagan pulling the court to the right (more than its being pulled now)?
Basically, w/o being too specific, I want a man who respects me, has manners, and when the time is right, ready to be a REAL Parent. I cringe when I hear fathers say they are “baby-sitting” their kids. REALLY?! Baby-sitting?! More than a husband, I am equally concerned with him being a good father and not putting anything in front of our children. He should be a RIDE OR DIE Dad. Just as involved in his kids lives as I will be. Even if (God forbid) the marriage doesn’t last for whatever reason. He should also be goal driven and open minded. Those are just some requirements. I’m only listing the absolute must have’s. The rest is negotiable.
One of my friends was just ranting to me yesterday about how some men tend to behave as if they’re just babysitting their own children (married or non-married). Sad.
My bro-in-law is this way
especially in the mornin’ when he’s tryin’ to get his daily dose of weed. *sigh* My po’ po’ sister…I cringe when I hear fathers say they are “baby-sitting” their kids. REALLY?!
I hear this too. If they’re your kids, you’re not babysitting.
“I want a man who respects me, has manners…”
what does this mean? be more specific and sh*t
I’m guilty of using the babysitting phrase, but that just means I’m watching them without mommy around.
I was shocked at how many women were offended when I said that though.
I think the list is not exact in that it doesn’t specify character or how he will treat her.
So he’s fine but will he work three jobs to make sure you and yours are taken care of? Does he give up when times get hard?
Will he ride or die with you? Will he. Open doors yet not be intimidated by your independence? Will he love me flaws and all?
The lists ate always about superficial things.
Oh and f!cking co sign on the. Boondocks season premiere.
In order for me 2 even want to consider marriage and having children all of the above things are definitely a given. He should be ride or die for me and our marriage, he should be gentleman enough to open doors and feel threatened by my independance. But at the end of the days, once there kids involved he should be just as committed to our children as I will be. My mother always says “Make sure you know what type of father you are getting for your kids and not just what type of husband will he be to you.” That advice has always stayed with me. My parents aren’t together but they are equally involved in my life, they are great friends, and they usually see eye-to-eye on parenting issues. That is very important me.
I’ve known what I really want, and it’s pretty much been on a case by case basis. I have a general list that I’ve stuck to, but then again there have been times I’ve let requirements slide. I don’t let the main requirements slide (ie employment, sanity, teeth) , but I’ve relaxed a few of them from time to time (children, height). *love the baby hair icons tag…lmao
“the season three premiere of the boondocks wasn’t really that smart or funny at all”
These first two episodes, while still funny, are what I feared would happen when it first became a TV show.
@P. yeah, i’m with you. the show has it moments, but it was never REALLY that good. especially considering how the first two eps this season would have been more relevant TWO YEARS AGO.
Truth, while Black dissent is always welcomed especially when talking about Black Politicians and so-called Black Leaders…….Aaron seems a couple years off from being that much needed dissent. Im not gonna count him out just because he aint come with Dave Chappelle-like wittiness
“These first two episodes, while still funny, are what I feared would happen when it first became a TV show.”
yeah. it almost seemed like i was watching a cartoon made from the boondocks template instead of the actual show. it reminded me of the vanilla rap music they play in the background of an episode of csi when a rapper has been murdered
” it reminded me of the vanilla rap music they play in the background of an episode of csi when a rapper has been murdered”
I cannot take this…*dead*
If you want specifics I could go on forever. I’ll start with, someone who understands and accepts that despite my best efforts, I am a non-verbal communicator, and though unfair, i expect to be clearly communicated to (verbally)
that’s deep but I think I am the say way
“if i go 70 seconds without returning her gchat message, will she say “hello! hello!” in caps repeatedly?”
I’m laughing at this statement this situation happen w/ me last year.
I got so mad at him for not responding…. ended up sayin’ something like, “Well, fine then! If you didn’t wanna chat you should’ve just said so.”
*smdh*
Boy, oh boy did he go off on me!
The friendship hasn’t been the same since.
“Boy, oh boy did he go off on me!”
he went off on you? that seems…excessive
“Boy, oh boy did he go off on me!”
Dang, what he say?
Okay, maybe I shouldn’t say “he went off” but…
he felt I was being a overdramatic (again) and he’d had enough of it where as usually, he’d ignore me ’til I stop. *shrug*
I didn’t read the whole post but I need to vent.
I’m sorry but I can’t watch the show because I’m too busy asking “who da hell is tionna smalls and is she really qualified to give anyone dating advice?”
I won’t even tell you what her book is like. You will be mad.
“who da hell is tionna smalls and is she really qualified to give anyone dating advice?”
I was wondering the same thing.
BOOK???? seriously???? who the he!! does that? Is it open season for anyone to get a book deal? dayum
Tionna Smalls is daughter of Biggie Smalls, duh. I kid, I kid.
Although I haven’t read her book, I’m not sure what qualifies her to be an expert in the match-maker department either. It really boils down to VH-1 finding someone to fit the stereotypical role of Black women that we often see on television. She’s the loud, obnoxious Black chick they need to add a degree of drama because Chilli’s temperment is a little too cool.
“who da hell is tionna smalls and is she really qualified to give anyone dating advice?”
lol, i’m done asking questions like that. the way i figure it, if people are willing to listen to you, why not market yourself as an “expert”?
I’m going to start marketing myself as a throat punch expert.
Heyll…everyone else is getting over…lol
@ n8te: well-read chicks have read EJ Dickey as well as Oscar Wilde and Toni Morrison. Don’t be confused by the chicks who’ve read EJD ONLY for the sex scenes. Some of us read for plot
Anyhow, what do I really want? Good question. I’m still figuring that out. But I know for a fact I want a man who does not smoke cigarettes. Might seem pretty minor, but my dad smokes, and I can’t stand it.
lol. some well read chicks had to read EJD to know EJD is wack (or at least, that there is more than just EJD in this world…)
EJD’s first books were pretty good, milk in my coffee, sisters and lovers, (granted I was like 19 when I read them), everything from Between Lovers on has been awful.
EJD books are great as like starter books in the frivolous black novel genre… But I agree friends and lovers, milk in my coffee were good books to me when i was like 22, but looking back the are too freakin cliche
“well-read chicks have read EJ Dickey as well as Oscar Wilde and Toni Morrison.”
i’d agree. being well-rounded and well-read means that you’re familiar with all things, not just the stuff deemed to be intellectually appropriate. thats why i keep a black men’s mag next to my copy of “Ulysses”
And it goes a little something like this… hit it!
I need a “bi polar” man. Not crazy but one that’s operating on some double consciousness DuBoisian theory- In his attire, swag, vernacular, etc.
Must incorporate the word unpretentious into his daily lexicon and not be pretentious.
Must be a Christian. He can eat all the pork, beef, veal and whatever else is now fed corn, as long as he has the bomb arse life insurance policy.
If he’s short on some Kevin Hart, he cannot have a short man complex.
Witty and well read… a bourgie jack and jill politico would be perfect… no Hill Harper more a Morehouse man sans the MiAKA (all 10 of you stand up).
Christian, personal relationship with Christ.
Able to work with hands, meaning if he lost his financial planner job he could pick up a broom, pair of clippers, hammer etc to make some money working with my Tio Ramon.
At the end of the day it’s like this, I’m willing to give up my list and compromise… NO Settling.Settling to me means doing whatever just to have a man or, just to be able to say “I’m married.” That’s settling and yes, that’s a bad thing! But compromising means that every decision made or dream deferred is for the greater good of the relationship and for our growth as a couple. Aww Hallmark moment!
Lol that was my list as well, I wanted a guy who if he lost his corporate job he could work his hands! In short a real man. Without him being too christiany*
@ Champ
Right now I just want to have a baby and the case worker for our foster kids to stop being a freaking b*tch and let us adopt them!
I want some black women to stop acting as if a degree is recipe to be b*tches, they forget you(I mean me) am more educated than they are!
“One extra hard terrestrial”
That was funny!
I agree with the “not too christiany” sentiment. Have a personal relationship with God as I do, but the ‘holier than thou’ attitude is a no go.
i like this list and sh*t. the list committee approves of it
Those new Ford Tauruses are borderline slider quality vehicles.
My list:
The comedic timing of a vaudeville comedienne.
The ability to take a compliment.
Comfort with periods of silence on my end.
Ability to or willingness to learn how to swim.
Able to kill bugs when I am not around.
Not a Scorpio.
@Dash
Hey Hey Hey… What’s wrong with Scorpios!? :-/
How you gonna just generalize and cut off a whole group just bc of their sign… O_o
Scorpios are evil.
Wow what a horrible thing to say. Clearly you have been done dirty one too many times by one of my sista scorpios, sorry buddy but not all scorpio women (read: I’m not) are evil. This generalized sentiment is a perfect example of what I want:
For men to stop assuming every chick with degrees, or is a scorpio or doesn’t have pr0n star numbers is automatically a pompous b***h or a crazy evil chick or a prude. I understand experiences shape how you deal with someone new, but stereotyping b4 you even get to know the person could have you missing out on someone great.
That being said, I think this fits in with Liz’s point above, having lists to the point where you’re so specific or rigid that you don’t leave yourself open to happiness outside of those prereqs… It could leave you alone with just your list. *shrug*
“For men to stop assuming every chick with degrees, or is a scorpio or doesn’t have pr0n star numbers is automatically a pompous b***h or a crazy evil chick or a prude”
wheres the fun in that?
Not true!!! But we are complex folk so we are not for everyone!
“How you gonna just generalize and cut off a whole group just bc of their sign… O_o”
Ain’t the whole point of zodiac signs is to generalize? lol
umm.. what does swimming have to do with it.. i mean, iknow how to swim, but i’ve NEVER read that on someone’s list..
as daddy would say, “you can’t come from someplace surrounded by water.. and not know how to swim..”
now imagine that in patois..
I love water. Most of my hobbies include it. If my mate wants to be a part of these activities she has to quit worrying about her process and get comfortable with water.
ah.. i got you.. i dealt with someone that had NO problem swimming.. just at the beach.. i was like, “but salt water is HEALTHY and ish!!” i don’t wanna sit by the pool and smell like chlorine on a beautiful day..
i’m one of those chicks that don’t care if i just got my hair done.. if the weather is right, i’m there!! and the ocean will smell like perm and shampoo that day!!
I read the swimming requirement more broadly — as in being willing to try things.
I’m in a job that exposes me to a lot of cultures and I have “extra-curriculars” that net me friends from all across the spectrum. So I know that bringing someone in my life that “doesn’t do” [insert activity/music genre/food/position here] will NOT bode well for a relationship.
All that to say… I get where Dash is coming from.
Don’t hate on that swimmin thang! I LUV the water, but can’t share it with the hunny cuz he’s terrified of it…
waterparks, pools, beaches… all limited to friends & other family, but no hunny!
Dang, Dash I almost thought I was “the one” until I got to the Scorpio comment. That sucks.
One of my classmates recently asked me why Black people can’t/don’t/won’t swim. I’m one of a few Black people in my graduate program and I was the nearest on of us around so I guess by virtue of proximity, I became the Resident Ambassador for All Things Black and Ish. I gave her my two of my opinions one that was more serious and then of course the obvious superficial
excusereason that some Black women don’t swim: our hair. After a pregnant pause she complimented my hair and and asked if I swam. To which I replied, only immediately before hair appointments. This conversation took place at our end of the semester happy hour so I blame her inquisitiveness on the al al al al al-co-hol.I totally see why the swimming thing is important to you since you enjoy water activities and want to do those things together. Better to let someone know up front rather than fault them for it in the long run. I speak from experience as my last SO had an unhealthy obsession with pr0n and not only did he spring it on me, he wanted me to watch ridiculous amounts of it with him weekly whereas before meeting him I had never ever seen it before. I was uncomfortable (not with the pr0n so much, but rather the obsession) and it became a deal breaker.
The Scorpio thing is not cool, though. Overt generalizations are silly to me. Your generalization reminds me this 22 year old trying to explain to me why she didn’t date dark skinned guys, but light skinned a$$h0les are perfectly acceptable.
Don’t take the Scorpio thing too seriously. It is the only throw away thing on the list. Generally the only women who ever start talking about the Zodiac to me are Scorpios. It is one of those things that annoy me a bit.
Yeah, some Scorpios are real quick to try to capitalize on the “sexy/freaky” stereotype that they give the rest of us a bad name!
@AtypicalLibrarian
Exactly!
“Don’t take the Scorpio thing too seriously.”
for real, lol. who knew there were so many sensitive-ass scorpios on vsb?
“for real, lol. who knew there were so many sensitive-ass scorpios on vsb?”
LOL…shhhhh…. I’m not sensitive I’m just tryin to understand why my sign is getting thrown under the bus
Generally the only women who ever start talking about the Zodiac to me are Scorpios
That is interesting that you say that because usually the zodiac is a natural interest to scorpios.
It has gotten to the point where I am tempted to lie about my birthday with them because they take the ideal Zodiac match as a license to move way too fast.
True! I used to have Black Sun Signs on my coffee table as a conversation piece but people thought I was trying to be the next Miss Cleo or something. People were taking the descriptions of personalities, work ethics, and other traits way too seriously whereas I looked at the book as entertainment.
Now I want to known what Dash’s sign is! So far I’ve struck out with a Gemini, a Scorpio, a Pisces, and an Aries.
@AtypicalLibrarian
I am supposedly a Cancer, but the general description for them, though vague enough to fit almost every person on Earth, does not fit me at all.
It has gotten to the point where I am tempted to lie about my birthday with them because they take the ideal Zodiac match as a license to move way too fast
LOL @ tempted to lie about your birthday. I can see why that would happen with a scorpio because you are a cancer and on paper cancer and scorpio is compatiable. But like anything on paper you have to factor in soooo many other things. Like actually liking each other lol. I personally never let a guy know that stuff early on and I am heavy into astrology. So everyone is different. I can see how that can be a turn off.
“Ability to or willingness to learn how to swim.”
A buddy of mine met this cool lady. The two of them seemed to hit it off perfectly. When I asked him a week later how things were going, he said that when he mentioned going to the beach and snorkeling in Cancun, she replied something to the effect of not doing beaches or water activities. He never called her again.
What’s up with the Scorpio bashing??…some scorpios are actually very sweet, genuine and totally uncrazy….I won’t touch the rumored freakiness though…..
I want someone who is just as crazy as I am. He cannot be crazier, I will not put up with someone who is more mentally imbalanced, that’s just not sexy. It wouldn’t hurt if brothaman was over 6 feet tall. Being a 6′ tall woman myself, I grit my teeth seeing all the 5’2 chicks scooping up the 6′+ guys.
I don’t have a list per se, I just look for how his character meshes with mine and if he has anything really annoying, I question if I could deal with this or not.
I’ve finally realized I may never be a wife because I’m not the kind of woman that men are actively searching for. I’m the kind that he’ll be friends with and then realize, hey I like her. Such is my life.
I’ve finally realized I may never be a wife because I’m not the kind of woman that men are actively searching for. I’m the kind that he’ll be friends with and then realize, hey I like her. Such is my life.
oh well. at least you know your eternal lot.
that SAME ish happens to me.. this is usually after they’ve talked to me about the chick they used to date.. and i’ve offerred (sp?) the good advice..
annoys me actually…
Rest in peace to Ms. Lena Horne. Born in Brooklyn, but a “sub” native of Pittsburgh. I can’t believe she’s gone, even though she was 92 at the time of her passing – to me she was timeless. She will be sorely missed.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/10/arts/music/10horne.html?pagewanted=1
Sorry Champale, I just had to put that out there, cause it JUST happened today. I’ll be back to comment on your post a bit later. (I know you’re looking forward to it, lol)
Wow, I hadn’t heard yet. So, sorry to hear this! Love, love, love Lena Horne! Another Soror has passed on to glory (Dr. Dorothy Height). RIP
thanks for the link. lena horne was one of those women you figured were going to live forever, and hearing of her passing last night shocked me
I want a man who appreciates art the way I do, in all forms and fashions available…who can enjoy a trip to the comic book store, the local indie gallery, Avenue Q, Nightmare on Elm Street, or the Louvre without giving me the side eye…who will let me sketch him (nude) without getting all weird on me…who will call bs (but not condescend) on my questionable music tastes (I *liked* Goodie Mob’s “World Party”)…who can deal with the fact that I don’t like phone conversations or text discussions and prefer most communications in real time/life form…has a great, boyish smile, knows it and uses it…has no weird hangups or ridiculous preconceived ideas about women or Black women or is *in process* of working through them…can cook well (preferably French or Italian) and does so often…will dance with me spontaneously publicly and privately…and understands that unlike most women, I don’t enjoy discussing “feelings” or “where this is going” so he will have to pull most of that weight if the silent stoicism makes him uncomfortable…is in the same place in his life (in terms of goals, career, emotional maturity, self-esteem, purging of self-destructive vices, etc) as I am or higher up…is respected amongst his peers…has a gym membership and/or running shoes and will go jogging and/or run marathons with me.
For me, however, the list isn’t an all or nothing proposition for dating someone though. I can easily enjoy being with men who have only some of these things. Plus, these experiences allow me to amend the list, which is more of a living document rather that something carved on a tablet. Nevertheless, these are definitely things I look to for long term.
” I can easily enjoy being with men who have only some of these things.”
which ones are the most important?
The art thing is kind of a deal breaker, since it’s such a huge part of my life. He doesn’t have to be enraptured in everything and anything, but there should be some sort of passion for some form of it.
Little to no hangups about women is also muy important. At this stage, I just don’t have the patience to wait on some guy to reconcile his ideas on gender roles from Square 1. Quite frankly, it’s boring and I can’t imagine spending an entire lifetime in that kind of mental inertia.
The cooking thing would also be great, as I have a lifelong love affair with food, and it would be ideal to share that with someone.
Also, non-negotiable is the same place in life thing. It’s nice to believe that opposites attract and yadda yadda yadda but, as the offspring of rich girl/poor boy love and marriage and its subsequent fallout, I know that does not play out very well in the real World. All of the successful (and let’s just loosely define “successful” as lasting long enough to see the children off to college/adulthood, where the two parties can tolerate each well enough, and with enough reverence and respect to co-habitate peacefully) partnerships and marriages I have seen are between two people of the same value system, with similar beliefs on money, sex, a child-rearing. Love it or hate it, this usually translates to being in the same financial bracket.
“mental inertia.”
Yes. I’m stealing that.
And using it for women as well as men. (Everyone has that one ‘friend’….)
@Liz– I won’t even tell you what her book is like. You will be mad.
Uh oh. Break it to me gently.
Using the term “book” is thinking too highly of it. I still gotta see if Amazon will take this thing back. In her defense, she is releasing a new edition. Hopefully she will have an editor who…edits…
oh wow. are there typos in the book? i hate that. i remember being a kid and seeing my first book with typos. it was weird because i felt sure that that type of thing was illegal. i didn’t even want to keep the book in my house.
1. i want someone who can be just as silly as i am.. i don’t care who is looking at us in Ikea.. i wanna feel like in this hemisphere, it’s just you and me…
2. i’d LOVE for him to love the outdoors.. and not be scared to go jet-skiing.. water skiing.. zip lining, etc..
3. be romantic when it calls for it.. i can’t be the only one planning picnics and surprises..
4. Love God more than he loves me, and understand his role if he’s to be head of household..
5. loyal.. secure.. and ambitious..
6. able to “come and get it”.. (and i ain’t talkin bout dinner..)
i’m SURE there’s more.. but dang if it ain’t 2:45 and i’m still up!! (i’m just sayin!)
“i’d LOVE for him to love the outdoors.. and not be scared to go jet-skiing.. water skiing.. zip lining, etc”
Big co-sign! I love the outdoors – hiking, skiing, white water rafting, etc. I have cut off guys who cringe at the thought of doing outdoorsy stuff.
what the hell do you REALLY want?
The most important is love, trust, honesty, but some of the specific stuff that I look for are…
- Good heart. This is the most important quality. If a man thinks of others above himself, then he’s a winner
- Must work out and have a healthy lifestyle
- Can’t smoke or be a heavy drinker
- Must like the outdoors. I like to hike and be outdoors on the weekends, so this is a must.
- Open to different cultures, foods, etc.
One more big requirement is he must like sports and extra points for football, basketball, and soccer. Growing up in NY, every guy was a big sports fan but since I moved to other cities, I’ve met guys who don’t like sports. This is a definite requirement.
that “open to different cultures” bit is a BIG one.. i don’t want you to take me to T.G.I.Friday’s every week because the thai restaurant doesn’t do chicken fingers and fries..
UGH!!! Trust me, they got chicken EVERYWHERE!! if you’re so concerned~
Can I just find a woman who I won’t have the following exchange with:
Her: “I don’t like potatoes.”
Weeks later…
Me: “Do you want some of my potatoes?”
Her: ‘NO!!!! I DON’T LIKE THEM! WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME IF I WANT THEM IF YOU KNOW I DONT LIKE THEM!! YOU NEVER LISTEN!!!!!!”
weeks later…
Me: ..eating potatoes, mad silent
Her: mean look… “Aren’t you going to offer me some?!?!?!”
me: “You told me you don’t like them”
her: “So?? You still should offer me some!!!”
Wow, really? This exchange actually took place, I kid you not. And to this day it blows my mind. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.
In all seriousness, I want a woman who doesn’t expect me to be a mind reader. And someone I can tease/joke around with and will tease me back, playfully.
Be interested in what I like and put forth some actual effort, like I do when you make me watch those brain-depleting television shows. I’m not saying you gotta be able to name the Detroit Tigers starting lineup and pitching rotation! Just give the game a chance, that’s all.
And if a female happens to write on my facebook wall, why do you need to know her place of birth, SS #, and mother’s maiden name? How about you just trust me when I tell you she’s a friend who I never had anything more with??
Most of all, have a good heart, accept my faults like I accept yours, be mature, support me and my endeavors, know what’s going on in the world outside of bossip and concrete loop, pick up a book once in a while that doesn’t involve vampires, and know how to have fun and loosen up.
I absolutely love this!
LMBAO! Good luck on getting a chic who doesnt want you to mind read! Lol I expect my husband to mind read once in a while ie apologise for not knowing! Typical female expectations
I love this!!
The first lesson my then boyfriend (now hubby) told me was that he is NOT a mind reader…it was life changing.
It opened me up to communication ( & magical feminine) skills I stopped using waiting for y’all to “get it” or “understand”.
“have a good heart, accept my faults like I accept yours, be mature, support me and my endeavors, know what’s going on in the world outside of bossip and concrete loop, pick up a book once in a while that doesn’t involve vampires, and know how to have fun and loosen up.”
I love this!
that “support me and my endeavors” business is SUCH a big deal for a man.. women get caught up in trying to be the “Realistic” one while his head is in the clouds.. TRUST me, the men (most of the time, depending on age) KNOW what the reality is..
however,when we start talking about marriage, then i NEED you to know the reality of a situation..
Exactly. I don’t know about all other men, but I put a lot of though into any major decision I make. Sure, I can understand why I get the raised eyebrow when I tell someone that I decided in my third and final year of law school that I don’t want to practice law. I get that, but please understand that I put a lot of thought into that based on my experiences, observations, and desires in life. I sent my dad a looong email explaining why and he understood. Don’t think I just make decisions on a whim just because it may not match up with YOUR expectations or goals.
“Can I just find a woman who I won’t have the following exchange with:
Her: “I don’t like potatoes.”
Weeks later…
Me: “Do you want some of my potatoes?”
Her: ‘NO!!!! I DON’T LIKE THEM! WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME IF I WANT THEM IF YOU KNOW I DONT LIKE THEM!! YOU NEVER LISTEN!!!!!!”
weeks later…
Me: ..eating potatoes, mad silent
Her: mean look… “Aren’t you going to offer me some?!?!?!”
me: “You told me you don’t like them”
her: “So?? You still should offer me some!!!””
o______________O
Was your previous relationship with Sybil, by chance??
I dunno who Sybil is, but if she’s anything like that, I don’t know if I want to know
Sybil – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075296/
Multiple personalities…
Ahhh Ok, haha thanks.
LOL!
Uhn uhn… I’m mad @ that potato conversation….
Aw man, that’s it. Champ, u r officially psychic. Mr.Man and
I juuuuust got off the phone talking about this exact topic!
Basically I was telling him how disturbed I was
when my homegirl broached the topic of chex and
dome with this new guy she was talking to around
a few of us (friends and another guy). She’s
wondering why he’s acting funny now and I
told her she isn’t presenting herself as potential
mate material, but as jumpoff material. When
u discuss chex candidly with someone u don’t
know…he’s just going to look to u for chex- duh.
So my BF correctly pointed out that she, like most
women have a check list of about 4 things they
want filled: does he look good? Does he have $?
Will he give me what I want? Does he have good D?
If any guy fits the list, she’s in….cuz she’s just
looking for someone to fill the position- she isnt looking
for a quality mate. And how basically for her number one
is the money, not companionship, because if it was
she’d be trying to get to know these guys, and not
trying to immediately assess how much $ they
have and if they can “knock it out” after a week of
talking. So……her list is as long and vague as Chili’s
plus she’s coming at these dudes with un-wifeable
(yea I made it up) actions/convos off the break,
and she wonders why none of these situations
are working out…… I tried to talk to her
about how she presents herself, but she dont hear me.
As sweet as she is, no one is gonna take the time to
figure it out if she’s presenting herself as one
dimensional….. All I can do at this point is be
a shoulder and pray for her.
Sorry for all the gaps….damn iPhone.
“All I can do at this point is be a shoulder and pray for her.”
or you can direct her to vsb. that always helps
Novel idea!
why didn’t I think of that?!
That’s a pretty good question….
1. Can talk bout current events and law: You watch the news? Read the newspaper? Read a Blog or two? I’m a sucker for history and social issues in a conversation.
2. Witty, you gotta be able to snap back. I was raise in a family of one-liners who will openly joke bout each other and social issues. You get points if your friendly to the fam….if you make it.
3. On the big side. I’ll put it to you like this: If you shop at Torrid, Lane Bryant, Fashion to figure, Hips and Curves. Yeah I want to get to you before anybody else. That’s my body type (Funny because i’m on he thin side….)
4. Honestly, I want someone who is not afraid to share personal interests. For instance, my SO put me on to Home and Gardening channel, broke-down the Iron man 2 movie wit the extra scene after the credits, and loves her 90s R&B. Now, I’m fan of talking about social issues, anime/sci-fi, and music outside of the America mainstream which lead to couple of cool gifts (For my birthday, my SO got me “TRON 20th anniversary collector’s edition” AND the discography of Asian Kung-Fu Generation, which is really hard to get)
A guy that knows about Torrid AND Hips and Curves…???
…interessante….
- good sense of humor
- doesn’t find honesty to be a challenge (tough one!)
- is independent (not a spoiled mama’s boy waiting for me to do everything for him, ever-leaning on me, sucking up my resources – been there, too long)
- 6 feet or over (though I’ve always dated shorter than myself @ 5’9″), if shorter he’s gotta be secure enough to handle my heels when the mood strikes
- passionate/driven (about love & career especially)
- has a healthy family bond
- wants to marry someday
- has both a job & a vehicle of some kind
- a little nerdy (in that he’s not too concerned w/ appearances, stature & bullshit)
- is somewhat health conscious (if he’s eating crap & never working out, he’ll throw me off my game!)
- no smoking of any kind (I know, I know – lol), drinks but not to excess
- likes live music, open to various styles
- likes basketball (& won’t mind going to see our wack team every blue moon)
- is a somewhat adventurous diner – good, cheap eats are easy to find w/ a little exploration (we’ve all had burgers – expand a little)
- likes to get out, even just for a walk – can’t be too much of a boring homebody
- doesn’t wear sweats all the damn time (a slight sense of style would be nice, but not a requirement)
****
I can honestly say all of the things on my list apply to me (except being 6 ft & having merely a “slight” sense of style, LOL)
I really don’t remember my list since I’m eight years coupled. (I think Miss Moneypenny would be legally married if we lived in Arkansas.) Here’s what I remembered wanting:
1. Must show patience with me and my emotions.
2. Has never slept with Plies. As a matter of fact if she doesn’t become ill at the sound of Algernon’s voice or upon seeing him then we’ve got a problem.
3. Have a good relationship with her family. This is a look into your future with her.
4. Must be able to help flush my transmission.
5. Must have a sense of humor that matches or surpasses my own. (I love funny girls.)
6. Must know how to clean fish.
7. Must eat pork.
8. No baby hair.
9. Must not question why I watch MMA, football, or play violent video games. (I just spent all day dealing with overly educated lawyers who only know what they were taught in school, baby I’m just blowing off steam.)
10. Must not be a suicide bomber.
Making this bullsh*ta** list made me remember how much dating actually sucks.
I just want a man who thinks I am the best thing since sliced bread, ice cream, sharp cheddar…
Who thinks the sun rises and sets on me.
Extra caring. Considerate. Super attentive. Loves to eat. Love black people (but not really) be brutally honest. And if 40YOV is one of their favorite comedies…we all good.
*Get outta my head….”Who thinks the sun rises and sets on me. “…that says it all
Can I throw in the happily mrrrrd for almost 9 years list recap?
I wanted someone as intelligent or moreso than me – a top 10% HS grad who went on to become an engineer. Got him!
Our intelligences mesh, where I’m weak, he’s strong & viceversa.
I wanted someone who was humorous. I’m goofy as heck, so that was a dealbreaker. We can make each other laff in the middle of an argument.
I wanted somebody artistic. I’ve done music, dance, drawing/painting… He’s a choir-boy & director, cook, actor.
I wanted somebody bigger/taller than me. I’m only 5’5″, but I ain’t neva been slim. I was shopping in 5-7-9 in middle school for the 9s. He comes from a family of linebackers. Even the women.
Awww, mochazina! Does he have brothers?
he’s the oldest of the 3 boys (girls cap each end). but neither of us recommend the middle man & the baby boy… well… he comes with reservations. LOL
sounds like ur in love, likes to see that….blk love is beautiful
He must:
Be taller than me
Make more money than me
Not only have Christian values but have a real relationship with God
Be healthy in his body and his mind
Read “real” books
Be kind
Be funny, but not sarcastic
What did I want before I got married?
-Taller than me-hell am 5’3 didnt want no midgets for kids.
-More educated than I was(didnt happen but he is brighter than me, our income difference tells it all)
-less crazier than I am(he ended being crazier)
-loves soccer more than anything, I love machester United more than anything(thanks to my bestfriend, she si Kenyan so that explains it
-A man who didnt mind working his hands if we lost the good jobs to make ends meet
-A man with a great relationship with his parents and relatives
-Loves kids because I adore children!
Bottom line got a good rounded man who loves and is loved. Got some lost some!
I only thing I ever had on a list was “someone to GROW with”. That was all I ever wanted. I believe the purpose of relationships is to grow and love becomes the benefit.
I attracted my hubby to me many moons ago & we’re both becoming the people we were meant to be. He calms the fire in me & I ignite the passion in him. Perfect balance. Everything else we do from running our household, parenting, making love, preparing dinner, cracking up in a Dunkin Donut line is the by product of our unique chemistry and willingness to accept each other as we already are and to aid in the newness that we’ll be one day.
“if you limit your options…your options will be limited.” Awesome & so true…needs a t-shirt.
In regards to Chilli and her list, I agree and don’t see why everyone dogs her list out. It’s what SHE wants and she’s the one who’ll face the consequences (good or bad) for having it. I equate it to people trying to tell other people what to do or buy with their money. Although they may waste it (according to you), it’s still THEIR money to do whatever they please with it.
As far as my specific list (which I haven’t thought of in a while), here goes:
*Must have a great appreciation for music and don’t mind being around it all the time. My favorites don’t have to necessarily be her favorites but she must appreciate dopeness in everything from Earth, Wind, & Fire to Geto Boys to (pre-”Bitter”) Chante Moore.
*Must have an appreciation for art in general. Not necessarily in the sense that we go to a museum and she stares at and tries to decipher the meaning and purpose in a painting of a bowl of fruit, but just recognize the skill set that goes into the creation.
*Must have a good sense of humor to not only make me laugh (and often) but to catch my jokes and laugh often with me so I don’t feel like a jerk laughing uncontrollably by myself.
*Must be respectful with decent manners and lady-like etiquette to the point where she knows how to play her role as the woman in the relationship. This includes checking me when I’m wrong but do it in a respectful way, using words like “thank you” when I open doors or do other gentlemenly shyt, and treating others (such as service professionals) with a level of decency and respect. Cooking and serving me my meal with my drink of choice is also a must as I also will cater to her wants and needs also.
*Must recognize and live her life in accordance to the belief in a higher power named God. This doesn’t mean that they go to church all the time, but God should be visible in their life by their actions and we should be able to have good conversations about our spirituality.
*Physically, she must be attractive to me – cute enough to wanna suck face with and sexy enough to wanna sleep with. And she can’t be white.
“*Physically, she must be attractive to me – cute enough to wanna suck face with and sexy enough to wanna sleep with. And she can’t be white.”
This made me chuckle. Like, for some reason, pairing “and she can’t be white” with the first sentence cracks me up. What a shame.
I don’t know that I’ve ever had a concrete list. Possibly because I married (and subsequently divorced) young. I’ve always just been attracted to who I’m attracted to and it has varied.
Post divorce I’ve tried to compose a list but I find it hard to be specific enough to capture what I really want yet not too restricting that I may miss out on a good thing. I think I’m going to stick to evaluating each individual on a case by case basis, instead of checking off a list. (although some things are a must)
@OftenConfused,
I agree with you. The list thing never seems to work out for me. When I had a “list,” I found myself compromising because the guys had other things that were attractive to me. And although I haven’t found “the one” yet, I don’t feel like my approach is necessarily not working.
What I really want is to know if I can use “if you limit your options…your options will be limited.” as my facebook status (no copyright infringement).
This was a great post and after I do some gubment work and think about it some more I’ll add my two cents. It never occurred to me that my list might not be specific enough and perhaps that’s where I went wrong!
Excellent post and sh*t. This is why I appreciate you.
I must say, I expected the masculine opinion on the mattter (as if it were anyone’s right to judge) to go in a different direction, but it’s refreshing to see some objectivity.
Chill’s list is superficial…..that is why she is having a hard time on this show connecting with a man. She is really working my last nerve…she keeps talking about a man has to be “super fine”, “packin”, “cant eat pork”, “physically fit”, what about the heart and character of a man, I do give her props for knowing exactly what she wants…but, there is no way she is going to find all of these attributes in one man…like Missy Elliott told her “Go date Jesus”..or “one of the Disciples”…because, there is no way she is going to find all that in one guy…..
My list is short but critical: good character, spiritual, kind, honest, fun-loving, humorous, likes kids…..that is pretty much it. It doesn’t have to be a long list…
@Queen T, “there is no way she is going to find all of these attributes in one man…like Missy Elliott told her “Go date Jesus”..or “one of the Disciples”…because, there is no way she is going to find all that in one guy…..”
My sentiments exactly!!!!! That’s what I thought damn near verbatim when I first saw that show.. I’m like, good look finding all that in a man, if you do, he must be Jesus Christ himself.. But then I also thought, she’s basically saying “I want Floyd Mayweather”
yeah, and Floyd ain’t all what he is cracked up to be either….he strikes me as the type that loves a challenge..clearly he feeds of challenge, and soon as he has you where he wants you, he don’t want your azz no more…on to the next.
*Must acknowledge a higher power than himself, and go to church for just more than Easter, Mother’s Day, Christmas, etc.
*Be taller than me. I’m 5’5, so I’ll even rock with a ninja 5’5 and a 1/2 at this point.
*Not have any kids. Sorry, but that’s a non-negotiable. My friends keep trying to hit me with “But your Mr. Right might already have a little one.” Then he’s not my Mr. Right. I don’t have any kids, so you shouldn’t either.
*Must NOT be passive. If I ask you where you want to go for dinner, what movie you want to see,
where you want to bust, do you want to go to _____ festival this weekend, don’t look at me blank eyed like “I’on know”.*Must not still be on ya mama’s teat.
*Is just as smart as me if not smarter- That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to have a b.s. & m.a. , but know something about something and be able to carry on good convo, whether we are talking about what Minister Farrakhan’s interview on tv1 or whether Gucci Mane will get locked up again before the end of the year.
I could add more, but I don’t have all day.
Pretty much dead @ the “baby-haired icons not named ginuwine” tag….
I think that people are afraid to get specific with their lists. Being specifiic would actually narrow down the options and and force them to stop dating people they KNOW aren’t right for them from jump.
Good post, Champ.
I agree with you. I don’t have a problem with Chili’s list. I think people forget that she has a child, and she has to keep him in mind while she seeks a potential boo. This isn’t just about her, it’s about her and her son. And if she is raising him in a strict Christian household with no pork, smoking, or drinking, then why in the hell would she want a man who is the exact opposite? I wouldn’t bring a man around my child if his lifestyle contradicts with how I’m raising my son. Absolutely not!!
My list… in no particular order
-Physically fit, with the body of a NFL LB or TE.
-Supportive. I have dreams and goals have yet to realize, and they don’t include getting married and having babies. He would have to support me and my dreams just as I support him and his.
-Everyday Christian, not just during Saturday or Sunday service. Have a real relationship with God, or working on his relationship with God.
-Chivalrous. Sorry boys, chivalry is not dead.
And of course, I want the usual kind, loving, generous, honest, trustworthy, loyal, educated, smart, appreciation for the fine arts(performance and visual), *insert height requirement here*, and high priority of community involvement/community service.
My Chilli (specific) Checklist:
– Be able to appreciate the great — albeit sometimes way out there — humor of Family Guy.
– Be able to appreciate the great — albeit sometimes way out there — humor of me.
– Hate Crocs as much as I do. If you don’t, there is a conflict far greater than political affiliation.
– NOT have Ne-Yo’s hairline.
– Not afraid or “too cool” to dance. I love to dance and no, just standing there and thrusting your pelvic muscles forward and back is not dancing.
– Not so much like me where we’re basically the same person. I think differences — and to an extent, arguing and debating — builds character.
I have more in me, but it’s Monday. #effamonday
Did you watch Family Guy last month? That was hilarious. I really felt bad for Brian in the end.
Sorry, I meant to say last night.
I was out when it came on, but I’mma watch it today.
@ComicBookGuy
I was in tears when he vomited his entire soul out for like 5 minutes
That was too funny. Just the buildup conversation he had with Stewie was made the vomiting even funnier.
@ComicBookGuy
I was dying where Lydia(?) asked Meg where she got her work done
@Cheekie
“Not afraid or “too cool” to dance. I love to dance and no, just standing there and thrusting your pelvic muscles forward and back is not dancing.”
So he has to dance like Farnsworth Bentley?
o_O. No.
Please do an article about Aziz! I love the show and actually know him.
They showed baby pics of him since he’s hosting the MTV movie awards and I must say he was an adorable little kid. Aw. lol
I see there are some straight EJD haters… I don’t know why, but oh well.
His early stuff I loved, and I’m in my 20s, and I don’t find it cliche. But the later stuff I don’t care for. To each, his own. As a writer, I can appreciate the way he can construct a sentence.
Ouch. “Frivolous black novel genre.” You must be reading those hood black books, but I wouldn’t extend such an insult to all black writers.
By the way, did I neglect to mention I’ve watched Chilli’s show and think she’s pretty ridiculous? Again, to each, his own.
ooooooooh. i feel like this is its own subject and I know that i might catch MAAAD flack for this (if im not too late where this thread has already lost its momentum), but imma say it….
I find it REALLY hard to respect a woman’s taste in art if she likes Eric Jerome DIckey, Omar Tyree, Madea movies, or has too many paintings in her crib of pyramids and “black queens” and nefertiti, and ninjas in pharoah suits and ish like its a step show.. like im not just on some super “intellectual” (quotes meant, bc its said in a sarcastic tone..) ish..
but the whole WORLD ain’t never gonna convince me that flo-rida, plies et. al have artistic talent. (im sure they have business acumen among other forms of talent) like, dude, COMMERCIAL POWER does NOT equal CREATIVE TALENT so don’t tell me how much a ninja sells and say he MUST be talented..
,i love ALL hip hop. like not just “conscious” ish, like i gets down with jada, the clipse, lil’ wayne AND lupe, mos, talib, k-os and ‘em.. ANYONE who can spit, no matter what they spittin about.
my problem with the “black art” i named before the rappers is i have a hard time respecting it as good. it just seems like formulaic, un-evolved wack ish, and i dont even wanna like it. It’s mad bunk to me,
some authors i love.. colson whitehead, LOVE paul beatty, norman mailer, shit.. i fcks with mad BLOGS way harder than the wack ish i don’t even wanna re-type..lol. that doesn’t make me uppity, i just think we’re better than that stuff, feel me?
I dig the fact that Chili has a list. However, I see her inability to be flexible as her downfall. I don’t think she really knows what are absolute deal breakers and what she can learn to live with. I also find her a bit rude, but I digress.
Anywho, I actually have a list at home (almost 100 qualities and ish) in a old journal…but here goes some of mine:
-a passion for life. open minded and willing to try new things and travel to different places.
-an appreciation for the arts…be it reading, music, painting, photography, writing, dancing. that’s a big part of who I am and I need someone who can understand that.
-overall good communicator, but is also willing to work on our communication with one another.
-athletic and in shape. i work out about for times a week in addition to roller skating, playing ball, or volleyball. I need someone to be able to hang.
-looks wise, i need to find him attractive. preferably a hispanic or african american male taller than me 6ft or taller
-a desire to constantly learn and brings something to the table in terms of knowledge.
-goal oriented
-a sense of humor. i stay with jokes. i need someone who has them as well. that connection where I can just look at you and we both know what the heck is funny at that moment. he also can’t be afraid to laugh at himself.
-sense of style. he does not need to be a label wh0re…but he needs to know how to coordinate clothing…what fits his body…and not wear Fubu or Pelle Pelle.
Your list does not seem too far fetched or unrealistic. With that said, your favorite unicorn is about to jump on the first flight to Jersey to come get you, with a tin full of chocolate chip and walnut cookies, that we can eat under the volleyball bleachers. lol
I kid, I kid. Good posts on your blog. I think B.O.B has another hit with Airplanes. He had the #1 album last week. Good to see that kid get his shine. Hope you enjoyed your birthday.
@ComicBookGuy
See man, don’t kid like that! How many ladies get to say they got a unicorn for a birthday gift?!! Lol! Those cookies sound good though…smh @ my sweet tooth
Thank you, thank you! I’m listening to his album right now. His track “Bet I” goes hard! And T.I. is on it (I’m a T.I. stan)….I think I felt a tingle in the love below while listening to it,lol
My birthday was good thank you! Lots of good food and company…and I looked fab in my birthday dress,lol
@LaBakir
He can’t be 5’0″, 300lbs, with eyes like Brandy and a boot mouth? What about 6’10″ 160lbs with hair like El Debarge?
he does not need to be a label wh0re…but he needs to know how to coordinate clothing…what fits his body…and not wear Fubu or Pelle Pelle.
WHAT?? No FUBU or PP??? How about Karl Kani and/or Cross Colours then??? lol
LMAO! Only if he has one strap hanging on his overalls
OK like how about I just spent like 15 minutes writing a freaking comment (while logged in, mind you) and when i hit submit, I got an error saying to enter my name and e-mail…. I went I clicked the back button on the browser, my comment was GONE. DAMN YOU VSB!!!!!!
I used to have a laundry list of criteria citing all the must haves and must not haves of a potential significant other. With experience I realize that, while some things become staples of my criteria, other things that I believe I must have are really not that important. Too many times I have decided that she must have “x”, only to meet someone later who doesn’t have “x”, but has “y” and “z” and makes “x” no longer seem all that important. Now, my list is simple and has only three items. She must be someone who accepts me for me, must be someone who I could see myself with for the rest of my life, and must be able to fill a B-cup. With that, all other criteria is met.
A woman who
1. Enjoys having arguments about topics such as “toilet paper, over or under”, “how would the world be different if unicorns did exist?”, and “What single person could we go back in time and assassinate to make the world a better place while insuring that we still get conceived?” without taking things emotionally and becoming angry during the argument.
2. Has friends who at least pretend to get along with me when I hang out with them and doesn’t make excuses to get out of hanging out with my friends.
3. Can lose to me in a board/card/etc game without getting too sad – but can also beat me in board/card/etc games as well. If you can never win, I’ll stop wanting to play with you.
4. Has a field of knowledge of which I know nothing about. In general, this manifests itself as having worked beyond a bachelors degree but it also could be that you are in a specialized field – like nursing or glassblowing.
I’ll stop for now. I think the reason some lists are vague in their specificity is because one constructs these lists with the idea that the person for them will meet every single one of the items. In the lists that I make with 10 or more points, I instead only expect to find people who can meet some smaller subset of the full list.
Never really made a list, and this sounds like fun so…
Cute: Not overdone like Beyonce but like low-key around the way cute. Think Sanaa Lathan in Brown Sugar. Oyea, a pretty brown round too. Nassatall (aka longbackness) is not a good look.
Hip but not hood: A girl who can twist a L (or at least not mind if I do), understand slang and likes Gucci. If she can do this withouth being loud and wearing bright red weave then we good.
Funny: She dosn’t have to be a stand up comedian, but at least understand and appreciate sarcasm. Hey, Im from NY, its like a second language for me. And a lil goofyness don’t hurt either. I like to bug out too.
Caring: Know that the world exist outside of you, and that people are generally nice if you give them a chance to be. Bitter and angry are immediate causes for dismissal.
The “lists” are like guns. In the proper hands they are vastly beneficial to one’s safety. You can also kill urself with one lol. I think that it is important to list those things that u truly cant go without in a person. That’s what I like to call “looking for a foundation”. After finding that person who embodies those essential qualities, you truly can build on that. Loving someone is all about compromise/molding. Ur NOT gonna like everything about ur mate (as in wife/husband). That doesnt mean u won’t love them…
I can sit here all day and say that I’m not picky…but I think most people (not just women) are; especially if you can afford to be picky. That’s human nature and perfectly okay to have specific likes. With that being said, it’s a thin line between being realistic and unrealistic.
Let’s be honest, Chilli can’t afford to be picky. Sorry if I seem like a hater but she’s not ALL THAT pretty to me. When she tried on the wigs, I realized her hair accounts for half of her attractiveness. (in my opinion)Secondly, she’s getting up there in her years.
What I didn’t like about the show was how she treated the men. That was tacky dating 101. A woman, even if you are above average in looks and actually have your ish together, should NEVER treat a man like she’s better. I’ve gone on dates where I knew what I didn’t like about the man but I would never say nor grill him like that. Basically, keep it to yourself and move on. Be polite unless he is rude to you. She comes off as rude. I think when you act like that, you open yourself up to getting yourself played….cause I kept thinking “and what makes YOU so great Rozonda?”
” When she tried on the wigs, I realized her hair accounts for half of her attractiveness.”
I noticed the same thing as she tried on those wigs.
“What I didn’t like about the show was how she treated the men. That was tacky dating 101.”
It’s crazy that she was so rude to many of the men YET, she’s trying to teach her son to be respectful. Practice what you preach, Chilli!
I agree. Men, at least me, dont mind being with a woman who makes a lot of cash, or used to make a lotta money, whatever. But no self-respecting man is gonna deal with a woman that crass, and full of herself, no matter how much money she might have. Thats just not in our nature.
A few things from my list…
-at least an undergraduate degree
-ambition for his profession
-straight
-i’m physically attracted to him
-believes in god (ideally more spiritual than religious)
-not homophobic but also not on the DL
-fun, outgoing, funny
-adventurous, tries new things, likes to travel
-dines at hole in the wall places to fine dining restaurants
-into movies, arts, books, festivals (art, film, african, etc)
-respectful of all people
-committed to black families
-faithful
-has patience (willing to teach me how to play pool, play station)
-no anal sex, menage e trois sex
-sexually experienced (as in knows what to do vs been with 250 women –No Tiger Woods)
-self-respecting/proud of being a black man
No anal sex? Damm…you just like Chilli…boooo
I think a female that has such a ridiculous list of “requirements” has either
1) Gone through wayyyyyyyy too many sorry men…
OR
2) Never have a man
I MEAN REALLY DOE…. DALLAS AUSTIN…. USHER????
The only thing that either one of them probably have is a big ding-ding… and I am only saying that, because I have never seen them and am willing to give them the benifit of the doubt. Dallas always looks like he needs to bathe, and Usher has a MILF fetish.
If you just take a lil mental survey of the people that you know… I bet the folks u know that are “that way” are probably not as happy or content compared to the others that are open to new things..
I am currently in a relationship now, but when i was dating… I went off of chemistry. the list of requirements that i had were so basic, practically any man had an oppertunity to get to know me if he was interestd… here is my list:
1) must have impeccable personal hygene
2) must have a strong legal source of income
3) must be single
PERIOD! That is it!
I never would have pictured the man that I am with today to be the man I saw myself with in my mind. He is 12 years older than I am. His oldest child is only 7 years younger than I am. He is an entrepruner (all women know it is a challenge to date a man that works for himself.. lol), he has 3 children from 3 different women ( 18, 20, and 23 )and has a felony ( it happened in the late 80′s.. but the ninja still has a record)! He is concerned about my well being… he is very kind and endearing to my child, protective of the both of us, he cuts my grass, cooks for me, buys groceries for me, pays some of my bills sometimes, all around treats both my daughter and I like queens… and he aint even trying to shakk up or move into my home. We go to church together. He has replaced the imaginary man in my mind, and when I think about him.. I feel like he is the man of my reality… which beats a figment of my imagination anyday!
Nice post! Everything you said is right on the money. I have no list. I have to be physically attracted to you, then we can talk and see where it goes. If you like a man…you just do. There isn’t one particular thing that change that unless he has raped/pedophile/gay/murder rap sheet.
True story: While in college I was working for a elementary school. I used to flirt with this guy who worked there. We exchanged numbers and stuff and began to get to know each other. The obvious next step was to meet outside of work. We went to lunch and there he proceeded to put out a notebook that was filled with 3 pages of FRONT AND BACK requirements for a woman. These requirements ranged from the mundanely standard (height, weight, hair and eye color) to the insanely crazy (must not chew gum in public). I.Kid.You.Not!
So, I decided that day that no matter how attracted I was to him, he was crazy. I was glad he showed it to me that early on so I didn’t have to waste my time thinking there was anything more.
Lists are stupid. If you want a good woman/man, come up with things that make sense for YOUR life. There doesn’t need to be a laundry list of things they need to have, especially when you haven’t worked on yourself. People are always looking out to the other person to be a “10″, when they’re just a “6″…no bueno!
if you limit your options…your options will be limited.
I love that statement Champ because it is so true! U guys give me sooo much insight about how men think, & confirmation that I am not too picky. Although I know I’m not, I just get tired of people suggesting that that could be the reason why I haven’t found Mr. Right. http://proverbialmindcandy.blogspot.com/2010/05/top-10-place-to-meet-mr-right.html *Sigh* But that’s another story for another day.
I’ll have the special, please.
An honest,drama free, mature, God-fearing, moral compass bearing, family oriented, genial man who would support me being a stay at home mom to any future children we have.
I have to wonder if Chilli ever had a bad run-in with a ham sandwich or a rough night with some Cuervo
but who the hell hasn’t? doesn’t mean I’m not still gonna get slizzeredbecause her list seems to me like a bunch of reactionary mandates.A man burned her with his cigarette… no smokers.
She got smashed in the head with a bottle of J-Walk… no drinkers.
He lost a leg a la Big Mamma in “Soul Food”… no porcine partakers.
See how this is sounding like a plotline to a made-for-TV movie on the WE Network?
I can’t knock her for wanting an attractive or successful man. It’s not absurd to think an attractive and successful woman would demand the same from her partner… and truth be told, even the negro with no teeth at the corner of MLK and Gunshot Blvd toting the bottle of Thunderbird wants a fine broad by his side to share his cardboard box with. #noshade but we’re all shallow.
I just wonder if she realizes how UNATTRACTIVE she is making herself by being so excessively picky. I’ve watched the show. Some men were irritating, I concede this. (Especially that personal trainer one who was EXCESSIVELY aggressive and competitive and was working her out, literally, and not in any kind of a pleasurable way.) But the decent ones? She nagged them to death about a jigger of Henny they were sipping or the bacon on their BLT, rather than get to know them as people.
So I really hope this doesn’t happen, but it probably will. Chilli will find a man who doesn’t eat pork or like sack races or any of the other trivial shit she requires from a potential suitor… but he will probably be a serial killer.
“A man burned her with his cigarette… no smokers.”
I know you’re being funny but what a reach! Smoking is just a gross habit to lots of people, LOL. & LMAO @ “the corner of MLK and Gunshot Blvd”!! Sad but TRUE!
No, I totally get the smoking thing. It’s a really awful habit and especially for people with respiratory issues, it’s a valid dealbreaker.
My issue with Chilli’s taste (and my point) was this: caring about dumb shit nobody else would think twice about (why should I care if his left ear is pierced versus the right one?) makes the important shit you care about that other people could actually recognize the significance in seem trivial, too. If she doesn’t want her boo to drink, cool, that’s something that a lot of people care about, but amidst the FUCKING OCEAN OF PICKY-ASS SHIT she cares about, it looks persnickety and ridiculous.
again, #imjustsaying
I haven’t really figured out the difference between the “wants” and the “needs” in a person that I have on my list. But I can wholeheartedly can say that she can’t be lefthanded.
LOL!
is it just me or is evey1 “curvy” nowaday? from 99 to 450lbs every woman wanna claim they’re “curvy”. fellas you better learn to ask more questions when you meeting theses women on Craigslist!
mute………………………………….
@Stustustudious
No. Its not just you. Every woman is “curvy”, “healthy”, or “thick”. Especially on the internet. Somehow nobody is fat yet I see fat people all over the place when I step out the house.
Lmaooooooooooooooo
“smart”: someone who can win a game of spider solitaire with all four suits, doesn’t rely on GPS, and won’t look at me funny when i explain to him that the reason i was late was cus Le Show with Harry Scherer was particularly scathing this week and i had to sit in the car till the end.
I believe she WANTS to find a flaw in these men. There are some people who cannot be satisfied and she comes off as difficult. At this stage of my life, I am not ‘as’ caught up on the physical side as opposed to how they treat me and how well we get along.
***better question is why is she damn near 40 w/the whole baby hair thing going on and who is this ghetto tig ole bitty girl (no homo…they are just distracting me) who is trying to set her up…the true set up was when they went wig shopping and Chilli went on that date with some kind of animal on top of her head that appeared to not have been fed in a while….
Emotionally mature/doesn’t have a loud/violent temper: Includes yelling, clapping of hands to emphasize points or physical threatening. If you can’t have an adult disagreement without turning into Ike Turner (especially since that’s not how I conduct myself)… we will need to resume our status as strangers.
Not a sexist or a homophobe. and if he has those tendencies, keeps it to himself. Chooses words carefully. If you introduce any thoughts with “no offense, but..” see you later. Which leads me to:
Knows that all gay men aren’t obsessed with f*cking him.
At ease with all types of people, in any social situation
Taller than me
Well used gym membership
Has a few life goals that don’t get in the way of him living life.
Smart with money (knows when not to sacrifice needs for wants)
Trustworthy
@RocktheCatbox
“At ease with all types of people, in any social situation”
“Smart with money (knows when not to sacrifice needs for wants)”
We are eye to eye on these two. I have BAD experiences with these two and I will NEVER EVER deal with a woman long term again that has these issues.
I really wanted to say cheap as hell, except when it comes to dating me, in which case no expense should be spare. He’s out there somewhere…diving into a pool of gold coins…so what if he’s a duck with a scottish accent.
@RocktheCatbox
” He’s out there somewhere…diving into a pool of gold coins…so what if he’s a duck with a scottish accent.”
LOL. DuckTales is my ish. My brother and I were just talking about how silly it was. What was funny is that you could only swim in the money if you loved money.
clapping of hands to emphasize points
LOL! Made me think of a Kevin Hart stand up
that is exactly what I had a visual of when I wrote this, lol. Kevin Hart is funny as sh*t!
Round of applause…nice list. LOL
That’s a pretty good list. Doesn’t seem to be too much to ask from a man with a decent head of his shoulders. By the way, how is your radiator? lol
Oh, it broke suddenly. So when did you say you were coming by?
Funny that you would mention that. I just got off of the phone with a customer up there and I will be around in June. lol Might have to bring up a bag of tools to take care of that radiator.
Bravo! I love this post, I recently was with someone that I thought fit my list, but the truth is he didn’t at all, superficially he did, he was good looking, tall, had a job, had a car, had his own place e.t.c. but the more and more we spent one on one together the more and more I realized that the connection that we had was just that superficial, I will make sure that I make a mental note to make my list a little bit more specific now. it makes it easier to weed out who you want to spend time with!
Just a few things that I precisely want from my list
1)Someone with a good relationship with their family.
2)Be strong and the ability to deal with adversity.
An understanding that life has its ups and downs and has the ability to roll with the punches.
3)Politically or socially aware. You don’t have to be Angela Davis but i expect you to be able to hold an intellectual conversation about cuurent events and social issues.
4)A nice BIG round bubble @ss.
5)Unselfish.
6)Understand that that the world does not revolve around you and your comfort and happiness.
7)Doesn’t expect me to be a carbon-copy of their father.
8)Willing and open to try new things.
9)Has hobbies and activities of their own.
10)Doesn’t expect a man to be responsible for their well being or livelihood.
11) It wouldn’t hurt if she could be like her
http://filesll.fluxstatic.com/00D3A4CB01AAEA1B000776D8FFFF/TN1/Jpg/B-10122/AR590x590,Resize/633930739200000000
Nice list, it shows you’re looking for a normal woman..then you throw in a pic of a top AND bottom stacked woman w/ legs and the whole nine. lol
@SmartFoxGirl
Thanks. I tried to be brief. Actually a lot the VSSs listed the same wants I wanted to list. I put the pic in for humor. If she has all the other chraracteristics I want she doesn’t have to look anything like the woman I posted.
Nothing wrong with having demands….but the thing is, you need to have something off equal or greater value to offer. Chili has all these demands but what does she bring to the table? She’s 37, child out of wedlock, her money is not that long…..but she is still cute. That’s her only bargaining chip. She’s lucky to have good genes which has given her good shelf life but what happens when that fades? Then you have nothing.
Life is very fair. You get what you work for. For every action there is a reaction. If you are the type of female that has worked and put in the time to build a functional relationship, you will get it. What doesn’t work is when you are out here doing whatever the hell you want..being sluts, running the streets without any repercussions and than want to settle down after your ass is damaged goods. What man of means is going to settle for that crap? Maybe a hood dude who doesnt care about anything.
Good point, but that works both ways.. Personally I think you get what you advertise for. If you’re all about the flash, cash, cars, and Hoes..then don’t be mad when that is what you attract. Same for women, if you’re superficial and all you have going for you is your looks and your body, then don’t be mad about the type of brothas that you attract..
Lists are great to have, but we must recognize that items on that list will change depending on where you are in your life.. but at the end of the day..you have to take a look at that list and decide what can you live with and what can you live without. No one is perfect, not even the list writer.
1 – *Gets* me.
2 – Employed and makes enough to take care of a household.
3 – Makes good money decisions.
4 – We have things in common.
5 – Has friends and interests outside of me.
6 – Is a good and considerate lover.
7 – Is attractive to me.
8 – Is kind to children and old people.
9 – Loves me like I love him
10 – Possesses integrity and knows how to be committed.
My list obviously is made up of mostly intangibles and I could go on listing qualities all day….
But probably the most important thing, he wants to bring me his best self and makes me want to give him the best of me.
yeah I was scratching my head about Chili’s choices of Dallas and Usher too but I kind of understand them. She got with Dallas because he was there, period. His d8ck game was probably not even that great. He happened due to long nights in the studio with no other male contact or time/opportunity/ability to date. Usher… flashy, famous diva dude, so he probably attracted her by treating her like a queen one day, and sh*t the other, which her inexperienced, simple ass took to mean he’s just deep and complicated and she should hang in there since she got the benefits of being in the spotlight.
Is it me, or does she just not come off as a very sexually experienced person (maybe it’s just the baby hair fooling me) So…like Champ said, being famous means she’s basically from outer space! I don’t think she’s ever had to actually date to find men–her PR person sets that up–which is clear since she sucks at actual date conversation. Her dating “coach” (who has no man, btw, she’s just some random, loud, monster-tittied chick who blogged about getting dumped) needs to teach her how to talk to men. It’s the blind leading the blind over there, lol.
That is funny and so true.
“monster-tittied chick”
hmmm. maybe I need to watch this show after all.
Yeah, her tits are sexy they way Oprah’s were in the Color Purple. So…ogle at your own risk..
Her whole show, including her “list,” is nothing more than a gimmick for her to make money (she gets paid per episode), generate ad revenue for VH1 (via commercials and various product placements on the show), and cross promote books, music, careers, etc, for her and other “characters” on the show… including Tionna Smalls.
If the ratings are high enough this season, then the show producers will find a way to bring the show back for another season where we will all be waiting to see if Chili gets what she “wants.” And based on the popularity of other “characters” on the show, there’s also the possibility of a spin-off (see: Flava of Love, I Love NY, Charm School, G’s to Gents, Real Chance of Love, etc.)
With that said, one shouldn’t really take her “list” seriously. I think Champ made a great point about not just making generalized statements on our “lists,” but delving deeper, and getting specific, about WHY we want what we want… which helps further differentiate b/t what we “want,” what we “need,” and what we can compromise and settle for.
Another thought, maybe our “lists” give us insight into who we really are. Perhaps our lists are combinations of who we are, what we hope to be, and what qualities we bring to the table. A wise man once told me, “If I am bringing certain qualities to the table, then why settle for less than MYSELF?!”
The problem with mosts lists is that they are based on what we hope to be, instead of who we actually are. Some of us aren’t bringing any of the qualities to the table that we want in a potential mate.
“if you limit your options…your options will be limited.”
I need to reflect for a moment on how great that tidbit of wisdom is before I comment…BRB
“I just want a girl that still looks good with no make-up…”
I’m just going to quote my boy Keith when it comes to this show “What Chilli Wants is to GTFOHWTB and get a grown ass woman’s hairstyle!!!” (dude had me CRYING with this one)
…I can’t breathe
Ok now for my list…I’ll leave off all the mundane stuff pertaining to character, intelligence, etc
I’m looking for someone who:
1. Watched Sesame Street when he was a kid and can jump in and sing along or the very least won’t look at me like I’m crazy if I start singing “Alive”
2. Isn’t totally grossed out when I start eating blue cheese dressing with my fingers after the celery or chicken wings are all gone
3. Understands that my decision to not wear heels unless they’re super comfortable/ it’s a really special occasion/ the outfit absuolutely demands it is a good decision for both of us
4. Is capable of giving me a real run for my money on the Scrabble board, but doesn’t always beat me (actually I want to win most of the time but I want to know that at any moment he could sneak a win in)
5. Won’t give me the evil eye if I take one (or 5) of his french fries even if I initially said I wasn’t hungry
I’m sure there are more these are just the deal breakers LOL
My bad. The response below is for you. lol. Been a long day.
Let’s see:
1. My favorite Sesame Street songs are by Cookie Monster: The Healthy Food Rap and C is for Cookie, that’s good enough for me.
2. I do that with a bowl of nacho cheese did when I run out of chips.
3. Don’t why most women don’t wear heels. You like you are in constant pain. It’s okay to be 5’5″.
4. My mom is an English teacher so playing Scrabble with her and my two sisters was like verbally flogged as a kid. I actually scored one time with the word “Id” like on the first episode of The Simpsons.
5. I am not the biggest fries person anyway, so snatch you a few.
Ok. Where do I sign up? lol
Good list.
LOL
It’s okay to be 5′ 5″
Well I’m 5′ 0″ so when I don’t wear heels I’m REALLY short…but I decided that my mood is better when my feet don’t hurt…and most guys who date me like short women anyway…
Hello! I’ve always cringed anytime I’ve been asked this question by a potential Significant Other – it’s one of those direct inquires that requires an honest and evaluating response. The thing is, I always get caught up in how open do I want to be with the person asking and what will be the consequences of what I say/don’t say. Basically, its a loaded question – in a developing relationship. But one that should absolutely be asked and answered (you gotta give to get, right?). Anyway, here’s what I want, a man that understands me. He doesn’t have to agree with me or even like my stance on everything- but I need him to be perceptive enough to understand where I’m coming from. I think that if I can establish this as a foundation in a relationship, then a lot of the other wants/needs will be met.
Even the tags on this post are funny. Love it!
Chilli is as hoe and a slut. It is known in the music industry that she has fucked and sucked. These women come up with these to list so they can make themselves feel good. there are reasons why alot of famous women wont be getting married. Look at kim kardashian.
Some things should be a given for everyone’s list: good hygiene, drug/disease free, intelligent, non-abusive (mentally or physically).
Here’s a few from my personal list:
–must be an active Christian
–we must be mutually sexually attracted. I don’t have a particular type but if we’re talking “ideal” someone like Dwight Freeney would fit the bill.
–gainfully employed in a career, not just a job
–must want at least 1 or 2 kids and be prepared to put in work to be an excellent parent, not just a financial provider
–must not judge me for my love of the Disney channel, musicals and board games
–must know how to cook and keep a clean house (I’m a beast in the kitchen and have an apartment that Monk would be proud of but I’m not doing all the work alone)
–must communicate well (speak your mind and listen when I speak mine)
–must get along with my family, especially my Mama
Im still kinda knew to this site but l just had a light-bulb moment.
Champ, I see what you are doing and I appreciate it. I will try not to spill the beans.
As for these lists…It reminds me of the old saying “90% of the women all want the same 10% of the guys.”
Most of these lists contain too many code words.
This is what you VSS’s really mean.
1. Ambitious, goal oriented and has a career – not a job = $Money$ (the good ole princess syndrome)
2. Christian, Spiritual = You think they will be less likely to cheat (you’re wrong)
3. Works out = has to look better than your friends SO’s
4. Can cook/clean = You ultimately want him to pay ALL of the bills and do HALF of the housework. GTFOH
5. Must be willing to try new things = must be willing to finance YOUR dreams
6. Must be over 6 feet tall = I need an intimidating man around so I can talk as much sh*t as I want to
I will stop right there. I could go on for days. I said I wasn’t going to spill the beans but I can’t help it. I call out nonsense. Thats my sh*t
Champ made a great statement and not only should it be on t-shirts, it should be on billboards!
“if you limit your options…your options will be limited.”
I guess that didn’t register with some of you. Some of the items on your list are beyond petty. Someone even said they dated a guy that met their paper requirements…but they still didn’t like him. And we wonder why that certain number is 70%
Don’t get mad. Take my comments as comedy if you need to. smh
Oh yeah…I can also tell by some of these lists that some here are bisexual. Is there a way to contact them offline? lol
no, seriously
Bare with me people, this is my first post on ANY blog, but I have to say this….Lists can be a good blueprint for the things you MAY desire, but in all honesty…lists can generally mean NOTHING at ALL if you don’t know WHO you are. Poor Chili…She’s been searching. She’s been searching for Mr. Right when she’s not at peace with herself. I think both men and women seriously don’t pay much attention to who they are. While they are out here aimlessly searching for someone who fits the list, I feel they are only trying to compensate for those things they lack in themselves in hopes their mate will fullfill that area. Even WITH a list…if you’re not right with you…guess what…you’re list might as well be null and void. You’ll find a man/woman with EVERYTHING you want and it STILL won’t work. Being true to oneself is most important and you will find that a list can’t even BEGIN to describe ALL the true attributes of greatness of a human being. I think many need to get complete first. Stop making demands, cause with love there aren’t any. Well at least there shouldn’t be.
Great point!
You have to not only Know who you are but be comfortable with who you are. I often tell people, If I don’t like me then I can’t expect anyone else too. You can’t be half a person and expect someone else to complete you. You have to be whole first.
My BIGGEST thing, after my most recent dating experiences, is to have guy who is OKAY with having responsibility and who doesn’t flee from being accountable. Someone who believes in doing what’s right rather than do whatever the heck he feels like doing just because he can. That trait is a combination of being considerate, having integrity and having a strong personal moral code. The only thing is that these aren’t traits that are as readily identifiable as height and earning potential. On the other hand, using them as a guidepost weeds out the riff-raff much quicker.
That said, what I’m looking for seems to be hard to come by…especially in this city (DC) and at this age (26)…. *veronicashrug*
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