The Jump-Off

Posted on 3 November, 2008 by Panama Jackson

(This post was inspired by actual events of a homeboy of mine. Some folks just never learn.)

It’s happened to everybody at least once. You meet somebody and you hit it off famously…but then you realize that all you really want from them…

…is to hit it off famously.

And thus begins the journey into jump-offism.

Now this is not an easy road to ho(e) as crafting a jump-off situation requires much in the way of nuance and finesse. You can’t just decide one day that you don’t really want any conversation from somebody, but you do appreciate the way they speak into the microphone so you let them keep talking.

You know, I have to wonder what happens the day when somebody – and this probably happens more to women than to men – realizes that they’re the jumpoff. That’s a real moment of clarity, eh? Like, say you’re sitting at home watching Charlotte’s Web or something and you look up and to the left and realize, “holy smurfnickels Batman, this dude is straight USING me as a washing machine – on spin cycle!!!” Seems like that might make somebody violent.

Somebody call Joe Francis, we need to see Jump-offs Gone Wild.

STAT.

Talk about good television.

Anyway, let’s delve into the 5 Jump-off Commandments, a step-by-step booklet for you to get to properly maintain your jump-off relationship.

1) No overnight stays

I don’t care if there’s an F5 tornado mixed with a hurricane and gale-force typhoon winds outside…

…if you can’t drive home, sleep in your car and pray that it isn’t your time to go.

Staying the night sends the wrong message. It says that you actually don’t mind waking up to them in the morning, when truth is, you don’t even want to see them after you finish going for the gold. Get thee gone.

2) Never let them come to your house

Fact is, if you let them come to your house they can find a reason to stay longer than you want them to. If you go to their house, you control the entire situation. Hell, after your done, you can get dressed and be out the door in 2.5 minutes. Sure they’ll be pissed that they don’t even deserve conversation, but really, what do you have in common anyway? If you cared that much, they wouldn’t be the jump-off, they’d be your friend. And friends don’t let friends become jump-offs.

3) No unnecessary conversations

Undoubtedly, the jump-off will expect you to at least talk to them about the days current events. I strongly discourage this. In fact, I think that you shouldn’t spend anymore than 30 minutes of time in their presence fully clothed…at their house (see #2). And especially don’t talk about Hotel Rwanda AFTER you’ve love shacked, because then you may get roped into a conversation that will make you stay longer than you want (see #1), which is what they want.

4) Piggybacking on the conversations, no unnecessary time

Now, let’s assume you want your jump-off to solely be on JO status. That means you can’t go running around all willy nilly playing Connect 4 or going to the mall while she buys shoes.

5) No gifts

To quote the great Joe Buddens, “My jump off never has me going out of my way
And she don’t want nothing on Valentines Day…” In respect to Bernie Mac…’nuff said.

******

Take heed and make sure that you’re according your jump-off game all the respect it deserves.

And if you’re a woman and all the things I’ve mentioned have happened to you (or are happening currently)…quit answering the damn phone when you KNOW all he wants is to see you in your skivvies. Unless that’s all you want too, in which case…

…keep the party going.

What are some other surefire rules to jumpoffism? You know, some thou shall not do XXX type ish.

Tell the truth.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P

P.S. No jump-offs were harmed during the writing of this post.

http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

no phone calls. just text.

theres a dude i know whose voice i have never heard over the phone. its like that.
- SouthernGirl
  
  d@mn shatani. lol. go girl…
- http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.
  
  Sometimes it is like that.
  
  I am ashamed to say that I had a jump off whose last name I did not know. We jumped off for six months (he’s the mini stalker I mentioned a few posts ago…keeps calling though I haven’t returned his call in over a year).
  
  This was before I turned over a new leaf and decided to stop treating men like pieces of meat.
  - SouthernGirl
    
    This was before I turned over a new leaf and decided to stop treating men like pieces of meat.
    
    lol.
    - http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.
      
      lol. It’s sad but true. If a dude wasn’t my boyfriend, I’d give him a nickname, never referring to him by his government name. It was horrible.
      - http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
        
        if by horrible, you mean awesome, then i agree!!
        
        http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.
        
        LMAO.
        
        SouthernGirl
        
        hee hee. everybody gets a nickname regardless of status. that way me and my girl can talk about you on the sly. this can also include hand signals and facial gestures. watching one of my boys friends try to figure out what me and my girl were saying one night was priceless.
        
        http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
        
        yes, nicknames are key….theyre fun and descriptive. i havent graduated to hand gestures yet, though. lol
        
        http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.
        
        my bff and I have a ‘danger’ hand signal we flash when an ugmo is lurking near us in a bar…it’s great. Her husband figured it out, though.
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        “yes, nicknames are key….theyre fun and descriptive.”
        
        yeah…ya’ll are saying that now, but i’m sure some of ya’ll might be singing a different tune if you accidentally saw that you’re labeled”c*m catcher” or “ho fo sho” in his blackberry, lol
        
        SouthernGirl
        
        *side-eyeing the champ and his wet blanket* whatever champ. it’s probably on par with whatever me and my girl came up with. and the point is, if you’re doing it right (as with many things) no one will be the wiser.
        
        http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.
        
        @Champ…
        
        you are right. lol
      - Gem of the Ocean
        
        good rule of engagement. no need to get personal when you just want to get physical. check formalities at the door with your pants, thanks.
      - puff
        
        damn. that’s some cold ish – but to be fair, if all y’all are doing is knocking boots, just an assigned number’ll do. no need to get personal and whatnot.
- http://missmahogany.blogspot.com/ Miss Mahogany
  
  I was JUST thinking this as I read the blog. With all the technology there is you can have dyck-on-demand w/o talking. You get an email, IM or text from me at best. I had a jump off for like three years…til this day he has no idea where I live. And by the way fellas…jump offs don’t get the pretty panties…hmm that made me think of a blog
  LMAO
  - http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.
    
    you wear the big panties for the JO?
    
    lmao.
    - http://missmahogany.blogspot.com/ Miss Mahogany
      
      Nah I don’t wear any I like easy access: skirt or dress. Besides what’s the point? You don’t need all the frills and lace. I just spent 80 bucks today on a teddy, you think I’m going to waste my time attaching my garters to my hoisery for a JO? Hell no. Let’s do what we came to do. Now there’s only one way to get me to backtrack on this….BD….now fellas what you don’t realize is that a BD can make us eat all the rules (w/ the exception of catching feelings bc that’s not BD specific..lol) but as far as cooking, etc. If he’s swinging AND puts it down…I might be willing to put on a little show first. LMAO
      - http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
        
        lmao…i sure dont wear no draws either! lol…and i rock the dresses and skirts. i thought that was just me!
        
        im confused though, whats BD?
        
        http://missmahogany.blogspot.com Miss Mahogany
        
        LOL Nope it’s not just you! BD=Big Dyck
      - http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
        
        “Nah I don’t wear any I like easy access: skirt or dress. Besides what’s the point? ”
        
        to some men this does not constitute “punishment” and being “compartmentalized” …you might as well put on the grannys LOL. I see now why there might be issues with this whole J.O detachment thing.
        
        http://missmahogany.blogspot.com Miss Mahogany
        
        Oh I agree in fact I don’t see it as punishment either. I see it as efficiency. Chances are you and the JO are only working with a limited amount of time.
        
        CTFU!
        
        Yea you’ve got to watch out for those “sticky situations” when dealing with JO’s I’m speaking from old school experience though. I’s growns now….lmao
        
        http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
        
        i didnt intend it as punishment. more of a timesaver!
- miss t-lee
  
  Love it Shatani…lol
- http://tigger500.typepad.com Tyler
  
  Word.
- http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
  
  you never heard his voice via phone??
  
  hm…how does this even happen though?
  
  i assume something has to occur first to push you into JO territory…a recognition that it wont work on a mental level…something. y’all just took it straight there?? all willy nilly?
  - http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
    
    “i assume something has to occur first to push you into JO territory…a recognition that it wont work on a mental level…something. y’all just took it straight there?? all willy nilly?”
    
    ***inserting more people***
http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

The rules to jump-off-ism as I learned them from one particularly sticky situation:

1. Do not keep a toothbrush for them in your bathroom (him)

2. Do not make him homemade mac and cheese or bake him cookies (me)

3. Do not make plans days in advance (both)

4. Do not meet each other’s friends (both)

5. Do not call at 1 a.m. and chat for an hour while on a business trip in ATL (him)

6. Do not initiate a two hr. text convo from New Orleans (me)

This jump-off situation ended very, very badly.

Lesson(s) learned.
- http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
  
  damn girl…that was yo pseudo-boyfriend!
  
  but yeah, i learned my lesson on cookin for mofos. and yeah, meeting friends…not cool.
- Gem of the Ocean
  
  i think you got some good ones, V.E.G. these could also be listed as “ways to NOT turn a JO into a stalker” lol
- http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses
  
  cookin’ for em is a big NO-NO!! that’s just asking for them to stalk you… you can break em off and burn in the kitchen? h3ll, they might try to marry you… that’s how i got… um.. never mind.
  - http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit
    
    “that’s how i got… um.. never mind.”
    
    VSB rule #34507, no “never minds”.
    
    expound.
    - http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses
      
      nope, leaving you in the dark.
      
      *evil laugh*
- http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
  
  yeah, this sounds more like a pseudo-relationship than anything.
  
  one of those relationships where both folks just exist and nobody ever brings up the “title” conversation.
  
  btw, the “title” conversation is a post all by itself.
  - http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
    
    btw, the “title” conversation is a post all by itself.
    
    yeah, it is
http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

some other rules huh?? I mean you pretty much got it covered really. Those are really all you need but heres what I got

1. dont give them your real name
2. Dont tell them where you work, live, or give them any names and info on your friends. Keep convo beige.. Oh I hava friend thats been there.. that sort of thing3
3No landline numbers… that reverse look up is a biatch!!!
4. Dont get whipped/sprung/turned out…Dont bring out the props, dont let them try the newest techniques,/positions on ya… and definitely no love making.. kissing in the mouth, looking deep into the eyes, full body massages and tongue exploration etc….
- http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.
  
  “kissing in the mouth, looking deep into the eyes, full body massages and tongue exploration etc….”
  
  What’s the point then? lol.
- SouthernGirl
  
  I was with you until tongue exploration. Please explain…
  - http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
    
    I was with you until tongue exploration. Please explain…
    
    LOL I meant full body tongue exploration. I feel like this as a jump off….you can kiss my neck, suck a few breasteses go down town but I dont need you kissing me all over trying to memorize my body with your tongue. This is the shyt that turned my JO into my third Long term relationship…..
    - http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.
      
      This, and possibly the mac and cheese and homemade cookies, may explain why many of my jump-offs have turned into real relationships or mini-stalkers.
      
      Sigh.
      - http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
        
        This, and possibly the mac and cheese and homemade cookies, may explain why many of my jump-offs have turned into real relationships or mini-stalkers.
        
        exactly…
      - puff
        
        how you gonna make cookies for a JO? ninja’d be lucky if he gets a cup of water on the way out. i’m just saying…
        
        http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.
        
        I like to cook and bake and if you are there then you reap the benefits.
        
        I know. I know…
        
        Gem of the Ocean
        
        lmao @ “lucky if he gets a cup of water” dag that’s rough!
        
        http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
        
        if you feed the strays, they wanna hang around!!! trust me…i offered one dude some food, and i had a weekend houseguest!
        
        nah, now i make it a point to actually not have anything to eat available. lol…imma look into gettin some “to-go” cups for that water
        
        Gem of the Ocean
        
        lol i ain’t even mad at it tho. have a water “station” at the door like, “here, jo(e), a sip for the road”
        
        http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
        
        lol i ain’t even mad at it tho. have a water “station” at the door like, “here, jo(e), a sip for the road”
        
        one of those water coolers with the triangle cups.. yeah son just a sip.. now get yo a$$ out…
    - http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
      
      lmao! thats how they getcha!
      
      i had one trying to massage my feet and stuff…im like, nah. dont be trying to make me miss you!
    - SouthernGirl
      
      This is the shyt that turned my JO into my third Long term relationship…..
      
      lmao. got it…
- http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
  
  damn, that sounds like shay-d’s tips for rockin the escort service! lol
  - http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
    
    damn, that sounds like shay-d’s tips for rockin the escort service! lol
    
    LMAO.. same principle essentially- exchange of funds.
    but He.ll I gave it a shot. I been out the game going on 8 years.
- http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
  
  lol, shay, your list sounds more like a covert training operation by the CIA on how to sleep with somebody without them ever actually knowing who you are.
  
  like the real name?? so you know before you even speak to them the first time that they’re gonna be a jumpoff?
  
  we don’t believe you, you need more people.
  - http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
    
    like the real name?? so you know before you even speak to them the first time that they’re gonna be a jumpoff?
    
    we don’t believe you, you need more people.
    
    Really? I didnt say dont give them a name period,just not your real one.. actually my list is not actually stuff I have done but stuff I should have done but thats the one thing on the list thats true (well kissing on the mouth too.. I was never big on that even with my SO). Shay is my nickname….LOL most people never know anymore than that especially since my first name is relatively uncommon, making it all the easier to google me.
SouthernGirl

Hmmm…I don’t think I’ve ever had a straight jump off sitch…at least not according to these rules. I have had a “friend with benefits” situation end badly though. VERY BADLY. So I”ll merge the two.

1. If you know what it is, you KNOW what it is. Keep it simple. You cannot change the rules. Renegotiating is NOT allowed and will not be entertained.

2. Jealousy…what’s that?

3. At the termination of said JO/FWB situation, just leave gracefully. No longer wanting to sleep with you does not make me a ho. It just means I’m done with you in that way.

That is all.
- Gem of the Ocean
  
  i feel you on the FWB sitch–having “friends” in the mix makes it a bit tricky. can’t exactly try them like a JO but there’s gotta be boundaries.
  - SouthernGirl
    
    yup. and he soooo crossed the boundaries.
- http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
  
  no re-negotiating ever?
  - SouthernGirl
    
    Renegotiating can be tricky. I’m talking NATO peace treaties, address me and not my client, run-dmc, tricky. I’ve never had one work out.
    
    Ok, I’ll amend the rule to say proceed with caution. And only if you think the other party is open to the convo or at least willing to hear you out. Or just (wo)man up and get it all out there on the table but be prepared to have said changes summarily dismissed which leads to rule no. 3 where you let it go without all the drama.
    - http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
      
      okay, i can work with that.
puff

i have a question regarding jump-off situations (as i need to re-negotiate my current one, as the ish is not working for a variety of reasons): is laying down rules from the beginning necessary? cos i’m starting to wish i had, as it’s getting messy now…
- http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
  
  yes. we want pre-nup! lol
  
  but seriously. how do you know what the deal is if you never discuss what the deal is? communication is key.
  - puff
    
    i tried to communicate/put an end to it, but his response to me saying “i think we shouldn’t do this any more” was, “we’ll see.” and a smack on the a$$. damnnit this is my fault for getting into a FWB situation – i might need to put an end to this situation … is it wrong that i want a new jumpoff but i’m holding on to the new one until i have someone else in place?
    - http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
      
      wrong? maybe. practical? definitely! its like quitting your job with no prospects…no one wants to do that.
      
      the thing is. if the fwb goes wrong, thats it for that person. theres no more friendship. you have to scrap that whole relationship.
    - SouthernGirl
      
      This is like the sitch I referred to in my post. I too played the “I don’t want to do this anymore” card and he thought I was playing. And then pretty much called me a ho, asked me who else I was having sex with (no one) because that had to be it. And then proceeded to ask me how many people I had slept with and heavily alluded to the fact that I was ho’ing it up around campus (I wasn’t).
      
      It’s not necessarily wrong to hold on but you’re just inviting extra drama, long unnecessary conversations and stress. Either you choose to deal with it until you find some new pipe or just cut it loose. I say cut it loose. And be firm about it but that’s just me. *shrugs*
      - puff
        
        le sigh. you’re right though – especially because this fool thinks it’s acceptable only to be pleasant to me when we’re alone (and naked)… otherwise i can barely stand his a$$.
      - Luvtheshoes
        
        What is it that makes people pull the “ho” card when you want to break it off? My j.o. did the same thing when I said I was over it. We were a little cooler than just j.o.’s but that is basically what it boiled down to (we’d actually have conversations and hang out watching cooking shows on tv and what not). Anyway, when I wanted to move on because I wasn’t feeling the situation anymore his ego shriveled up. He kept on trying thinking I wasn’t serious but once he realized I was, he told me “he doesn’t chase pu$$y, pu$$y chases him.” Yadda, yadda, yadda. Thank you for confirming that I shouldn’t have you around.
        
        So my j.o. rule is when you are ready to end the situation, end it completely and don’t look back. Things can get messy and ugly otherwise.
        
        http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom
        
        You shoulda punched him in the mouth and kept it moving! What typa ignant ish?
  - http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
    
    cos i’m starting to wish i had, as it’s getting messy now…
    
    Messy? that might mean its time to move on if 1 or the other partner wants something else….
    - http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
      
      which makes me wonder.. should there be a time limit on JO’s.. I mean how long can you really expect to lay down and open your self up in such an intimate setting without getting comfortable with each other? And comfort breeds familiarity which leads to emotions and feelings in MOST cases..for men and women I dont give dayum what ya say.
      - puff
        
        i think there should be too, especially in a FWB situation – if you see the person in a regular social setting, play video games/watch movies/drink with them, you’re just asking for trouble. the clean cut should come at a couple months, tops.
        
        ***wishing i could im myself this message 4 months ago***
      - http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit
        
        which makes me wonder.. should there be a time limit on JO’s.. I mean how long can you really expect to lay down and open your self up in such an intimate setting without getting comfortable with each other? And comfort breeds familiarity which leads to emotions and feelings in MOST cases..for men and women I dont give dayum what ya say.
        
        yeah i mean, doesn’t there come a time when you might be hungry? according to these rules you act like yall got a restraining order against the other unless there is a conjugal visit. which leads ME to wonder, are JO’s for every one? at some point you might wanna make a comment about the weather, especially if there is a F5 tornado warning lol. jump offs might be your thing until you meet THAT guy…
        
        http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
        
        JO’s are certainly not for everyone…
        
        Gem of the Ocean
        
        true indeed. myself included.
        
        8th Wonder
        
        Me too, Gem.
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
        
        thats what my last two JO’s said. of course, they didn’t KNOW they were JO’s. LMAO.
        
        by the way i’m joking. except i’m not.
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        thats what my last two JO’s said. of course, they didn’t KNOW they were JO’s. LMAO.
        
        by the way i’m joking. except i’m not.
        
        this reminds me of a patrice o’neal skit
        
        **paraphrasing**
        
        “my girl been with me for five years. but i’ve only been with her for 8 months. its like, “you aint realize that you was a ho for 4 years and 4 months???”
        
        http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
        
        and are JO’s for every one?
        
        nope they are not and the worse thing people do is try to settle for one when its not really what they want. I see chicks get caught up in this all the time.. thinking if they s.e.x him good enough he will give in.. Naw son..you setting your self up for failure. If he wanted a relationship he would have had one…dudes go down this road too. It definitely aint for everyone..
        
        http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
        
        girl, preach! there was a time when i seriously considered that route. but i came to my senses before i did something stupid. i remember the dude was utterly astounded at the idea that i liked him too much to just do the JO thing. i think he still might be! lol but my thing is this….with the JO, the name of the game is Dont Catch Feelings! so, what kind of assjack am i if i get into the situation with feelings already caught????
        
        nah, son. lets just leave it alone.
        
        Cheshire Cat
        
        “so, what kind of assjack am i if i get into the situation with feelings already caught????
        
        nah, son. lets just leave it alone.”
        
        word.
        
        Luvtheshoes
        
        Co-sign and amen. I’ve finally figured out that this type of situation is just not for me anymore. My younger self used to think hitting him off right would make him see rainbows and unicorns and of course, then want to be with me. Learnt the hard way that is not the case.
        
        Better now to just be honest (with them and myself) about what I want and not get mixed up in tangled situations.
      - http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
        
        yes there should be a time limit. anything past 6 months really starts to get murky. at that point there should be a state of the union type address. and if everyone is still on the same page, proceed with caution. but i cant imagine having a JO for a year or more. that, to me, sound problematic
        
        http://cornellwestside.blogspot.com/ Cornell Westside
        
        “but i cant imagine having a JO for a year or more. that, to me, sound problematic”
        
        I recently got out of a situation like this…it was a gray area between jumpoff and friend w/ benefits…it didn’t end ugly, but it didn’t end well either…
    - puff
      
      the problem is he’s an a$$hole, and his behaviour suggests that he is trying to jeopardise my d#ck supply, which makes me mad. i don’t like fools attempting mind manipulation on me, so i’d rather withdraw gracefully now than end up in a situation where i smash his head in but don’t have a replacement JO lined up. i’m a selfish b*tch, i know, but the situation is making me irrational.
      - http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
        
        this seems like a situation where you need to make the clean cut, whether you have a new JO or not. it sounds like he knows how to push your buttons and thats NEVER good. JO shouldnt know you have buttons.
      - http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        and his behaviour suggests that he is trying to jeopardise my d#ck supply
        
        lol at the image of puff’s jump-off raiding her hidden supply of d*cks in her closet and running off laughing
  - Gem of the Ocean
    
    lol i agree with shatani. just whip it (read: “what the deal is”) out and put it on the table. communication is key and the key is for everybody to know they role. no need to pussyfoot around the situation, just be real.
- http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit
  
  puff, you shoulda laid down the rules from jump lol, not once its popped off! you can’t be switching things up once there is an understanding. or you can just be gangsta and be like look here ninja, this is what we’re gonna do…
  - puff
    
    lol that’s exactly what i was going to do, put some discipline and appreciation of the p*ssy in him and whatnot. i think that may be the best path to follow, worst that could happen is i free myself up for a new dude…
  - Gem of the Ocean
    
    or you can just be gangsta and be like look here ninja, this is what we’re gonna do…
    
    that’s how 2520s play it. worked with native americans, slaves, SP’s vp candidacy. it’s apparently very effective.
    - puff
      
      ***flat-lining***
      - http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
        
        *grabbing paddles* clear!!
    - SouthernGirl
      
      oh.my. god. *passes out from laughter*
    - http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.
      
      in a coma
    - http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit
      
      that’s how 2520s play it. worked with native americans, slaves, SP’s vp candidacy. it’s apparently very effective.
      
      lmao, you aint neva lied! 2520s have zero qualms. they are a little too lax imo. i have a 2520 co worker. this girl kills me every monday with her stories cause “brian came over and i was like wtf you know? i mean jason asked ME to come over and as soon as i’m walking out the door you decide to be outside? so i mean, i shouldve told him i was leaving but…i couldn’t let him go home dejected so i let him in for a little while lol. oh well, this is what my 20s are for.” meanwhile i’m sitting there feeling like ugly betty and shyt lmao, but she is always in some shyt, and lovin it! i just don’t know too many ppl who can just not give a d*mn.
      - http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
        
        okay completely off subject but is it just me or has Daylight Savings time happened extra late the last two years?
        
        http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit
        
        The Energy Policy Act of 2005 changed both the starting and ending dates. Beginning in 2007, daylight time starts on the second Sunday in March and ends on the first Sunday in November.
        
        google me bebe.
        
        http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
        
        The Energy Policy Act of 2005 changed both the starting and ending dates. Beginning in 2007, daylight time starts on the second Sunday in March and ends on the first Sunday in November.
        
        google me bebe.
        
        Now see.. thats what I am talking about.. LMAO VSB…were not only the bloggers are smart!!!
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
        
        “Now see.. thats what I am talking about.. LMAO VSB…were not only the bloggers are smart!!!”
        
        word.life.
      - http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses
        
        your co-worker sounds like my bff… who coincidentally is a down-a$$ 2520…
        
        she got divorced a year ago (she married mad young- 19) and its like she’s living her early 20′s now… i can’t keep up with her. at one time she had two trainers, who were “working her out” at the gym and at home
        
        i think she needs to read this. she’s breaking mad JO rules and calling me about what to do about dude sitting outside her house at 4 am texting her like he’s on some romeo type shyt…
  - aja
    
    **giggles**..thats how u put it down!
    
    a closed mouth dont get fed…right?
- http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
  
  you know, its probably smart to lay down rules b/c it gives folks the ability to opt-out. you see, a long time ago, in my more cavalier ways, i straight JO’d this chick without ever telling her. little did i know (i’m lying) she wanted to be my girlfriend…needless to say she took it extremely personal when i’d be out after i was out. lol. and in retrospect, she should have…oh well…
  
  had i TOLD her i didnt want to hear her views on the economy, perhaps we’d still be speaking today. lucky for me, i dont care if i ever speak to her again.
  
  see? jump off.
  - http://desertstorm08.blogspot.com/ RunGirl.
    
    You can get away with so much more telling the truth, than with a lie …
    
    They may not respect you, but they will respect your gangster/authori-tie/willingness to give them an option.
    
    You never know, you could start a mutual jump-off situation. Insert Tyrese “Its Better to Know”
Gem of the Ocean

I don’t care if there’s an F5 tornado mixed with a hurricane and gale-force typhoon winds outside…

…if you can’t drive home, sleep in your car and pray that it isn’t your time to go.

this made me chuckle.
- miss t-lee
  
  This is ice-cold game right here.
  Get out my house!!!!
- http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
  
  can i call you, Chuckles?
  - Gem of the Ocean
    
    that sounds like a clown’s name. so no.
Suga&Spice

Here are good Jump-Off Rules. Most come from personal experience.

1. No cooking for him. The most you can provide him with is a Red Bull before and a Gatorade after. That is all.

2. No chit-chatting in public. If you see each other out at your friendly neighborhood nightspot you can nod, wave or even give a quick hug but nothing more. You can then arrange to see each other via text message.

3. Dont take anything said while doing the deed to personal. I have had jump offs tell me everything from they love me to they hate me while we are getting down. Take it for face value, never mention it again and keep it moving.

4. If by chance you have to spend the night with one another you must always, always have some type of physical contact. There can be no nights of just cuddling!

5. There is to be no slow music or candles. This is not a relaitonship. We will not pretend it is one.

6. Dont be salty if the plans change at the last minute. After all, you are the jump-off. Know your position and play it properly.
- Gem of the Ocean
  
  Know your position and play it properly.
  
  so profound. this statement fits just about any and every situation. as it relates to a JO–please properly play your position like a PRO.
  - http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
    
    you know, i’m guessing that the crime and civil lawsuits would dwindle exponentially if everybody would just play their position and/or know their role.
    
    its one of those things that should be on that “everything i need to know i learned in kindergarten” poster.
- http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses
  
  “The most you can provide him with is a Red Bull before and a Gatorade after.”
  
  this damn near made me fall out the bed laughing…
  
  get him energized before and rehydrate him after you spent him… NICE!
  - http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
    
    “this damn near made me fall out the bed laughing…”
    
    commenting on vsb.com @207am from the bed…somebody doesnt have a jumpoff.
    - http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses
      
      nope… if you been paying attention, this somebody is MARRIED… we got done, he fell asleep, i was still awake.
      
      nuff said.
      - http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
        
        touché
http://www.seventeencents.blogspot.com QB

My items to add to the Jump Off Rules list…

1. no snuggling/cuddling/hugging
2. no kissing on the lips (stated above already but very important)
3. all small talk. nothing deep or important
4. no dinners out
5. no hanging out in public in general.

and there is a difference between FB/FWB And a Jump-off.
- http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.
  
  I’ve broken all these rules.
  - http://www.seventeencents.blogspot.com QB
    
    We all have that’s why we now know they are the rules.
    - SouthernGirl
      
      LMAO!
    - http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
      
      say word! life’s lessons are in the mistakes. lol
  - http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
    
    I’ve broken all these rules.
    
    thats because you have relationshipitis… LOL you just need to stop being scared and get you one to commit to instead of leaving this trail of torn broken men. You whip it on them, feed them full course meals and bake homemade cookies? They know that shyt is hard to find….so they latch on for dear life.. can you blame them? LMAO he.ll I almost want to marry yo a$$. I could go for a warm chocolate chip cookie and a glass of milk right now…..
    - http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.
      
      awww man
      - http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
        
        lmao! its hard being a relationship-oriented commitment-phobe….in much the same way that its hard being a lazy perfectionist! i know all about it….
        
        genius khan
        
        damnisha said:
        
        “lmao! its hard being a relationship-oriented commitment-phobe….in much the same way that its hard being a lazy perfectionist! i know all about it….”
        
        dam nisha if this is noncelebrity rehab and VEG is Tawny Kitaen and you’re Gary Busey and Im Dr. Drew then which vsb’ers are the embodiment of Rodney King, Steven Adler, Amber Smith, Nikki McKibben, Jeff Conway and Sean Stewart etc.???
        
        heh heh heh (inhales) whoooo!
    - 8th Wonder
      
      “he.ll I almost want to marry yo a$$.”
      
      LMAO! Shay-D, why must I cry?
      - http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
        
        i’m with you. that was hilarious.
  - puff
    
    yep, ditto. darn it, i had a DMC with the dude like 3 days ago… i’m just setting myself up for failure.
- SouthernGirl
  
  this—>and there is a difference between FB/FWB And a Jump-off<—is true.
  - http://www.seventeencents.blogspot.com QB
    
    this—>and there is a difference between FB/FWB And a Jump-off<—is true.
    
    SouthernGirl I also think that most FWB situations turn into Jump-Off situations, and then usually fizzle.
    - http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
      
      SouthernGirl I also think that most FWB situations turn into Jump-Off situations, and then usually fizzle.
      
      I would say its the opposite..
      most times FWB start off as friends or jump offs
      and end as
      enemies..(not all but most) LMAO
      - http://www.seventeencents.blogspot.com QB
        
        Most of my jump off situations have gone from friends to f/b to jump-offs to just not around each other anymore
        
        http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
        
        Most of my jump off situations have gone from friends to f/b to jump-offs to just not around each other anymore
        
        hmm.. yeah I can see that being the other side of the coin too…
    - http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
      
      I also think that most FWB situations turn into Jump-Off situations, and then usually fizzle.
      I would say its the opposite..
      and I would say its usually the guy that moves it to FWB territory.
      we had this discussion before about women and men and women not being able to keep their emotions in check. In reality women who are into having JO’s (and not been tricked into them thinking a relationship is to come) often know what to expect and deal with it. its the guy that starts to spend the night and get territorial and shyt thus changing the status from JO to FWB and at that point the chick then begins to see potential for a relationship because if we can jump the hurdle from JO to FWB only 1 more hurdle to go to SO…but then I am not really fond of the whole FWB thing the more and more I think about it….
      - http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
        
        im not a fan either. in situations where youre just meeting the person, the “friend” part is superficial and truly unnecessary. and in situations where youre friends with someone a good while before getting to the fwb situation, nothing good can come of it. unless both people are equally commitment-phobic and just fooling themselves into thinking that this isnt going into relationship territory, then one will catch feelings and the other will not. and theres rarely ever a chance to go back to just friends. not truly, not comfortably. like i said before, you really just have to scrap that whole relationship.
        
        SouthernGirl
        
        this whole thing is for the birds. in my case, well, the FWB that i mentioned earlier only happened once and i learned my lesson. and i only did the JO thing twice in undergrad and regretted it. well, one was a JO and other was a FWB that ended just fine. i think if that’s what you want it’s cool. but i’m really a relationship girl so i’ve learned that it just doesn’t work for me.
        
        i think i get caught up in FWB more because i haven’t really gotten with strangers (which could be a problem?). i was just thinking about this the other day. i have never met and been involved with a total stranger. and by that i mean a person that has no other ties to my life. it’s always been somebody i went to school with, was in my neighborhood, a friend of a friend or someone i’ve known casually for years.
        
        i don’t think the FWB turns into the JO necessarily. maybe a JO can turn into a FWB but in my case it was all just complicated anyway. long story short, we were best friends for years, took turns liking each other at the wrong time, were kinda together at one point in between our other relationships, but not really, i really wanted to be with him then got over it but was still physically attracted to him. with our complicated history we should have just left it alone but we talked about it and acted on it. it was cool for awhile but then he started wildin’ out. and i realized that i wanted to be in a relationship but not with him. on top of the other drama he was bringing it was just too much and i had to cut it loose.
- http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit
  
  1. no snuggling/cuddling/hugging
  2. no kissing on the lips (stated above already but very important)
  3. all small talk. nothing deep or important
  4. no dinners out
  5. no hanging out in public in general.
  
  and there is a difference between FB/FWB And a Jump-off.
  
  this is so sad lol. i’m a people person da*nit. jump offs sound like the worst arrangement ever. i know my mailman’s name and general life story lol, but i preciate yall’s gangsta about the situation. all yall are on some gin n juice ish.
  
  So turn off the lights and close the door
  But for what–we don’t love you howes
  V’s up hoes down while ya motherf**kas bounce to this…
  - http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
    
    this is so sad lol. i’m a people person da*nit. jump offs sound like the worst arrangement ever. i know my mailman’s name and general life story lol, but i preciate yall’s gangsta about the situation. all yall are on some gin n juice ish.
    
    no doubt it relegates s.e.x to its most primal function.. the satisfaction of a physical need..no emotional or spiritual connection…
    - http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit
      
      no doubt it relegates s.e.x to its most primal function.. the satisfaction of a physical need..no emotional or spiritual connection…
      
      so true. which is why JO’s are not for everyone.
- http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
  
  “and there is a difference between FB/FWB And a Jump-off.”
  
  Q, I’m glad you make the distinction here. J.O’s are the absolute lowest common denominator. And I sincerly hate to wet sham, duvet cover this reply…but why not shoot for more up the continuum.
  
  If having a J.O is what a person wants, they could always go to one of those mythical pron bookstores/video places (urban legend or not) and back up to a random and literal hole in the wall, making sure that either the banana or the pen!s was wrapped in a condom or saran wrap or if its a dude, look through the hole making sure a saw or a manother man’s @zz wasn’t on the other end (“NTTATWWT” with the latter- if thats what he’s into)before placing his wang in there.
  
  voila..you have J.O se!x minimizing all unnecessary attachment. And you can even request that they have a bar over top of the hole so you can bring your laptop, read a paper or play tic/tac toe.
  - http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
    
    its not urban legend. lol
  - http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady
    
    voila..you have J.O se!x minimizing all unnecessary attachment. And you can even request that they have a bar over top of the hole so you can bring your laptop, read a paper or play tic/tac toe.
    
    LMAO!!!!
    Exactly
  - 8th Wonder
    
    Co-sign on this whoooole joint, CBG. That’s why I can’t do it.
    
    Sometimes I wish I could, mayne. But I’m just not made that way.
    - http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit
      
      Co-sign on this whoooole joint, CBG. That’s why I can’t do it.
      
      Sometimes I wish I could, mayne. But I’m just not made that way.
      
      hey scoot over, neither am i.
  - V Renee
    
    CBG – While this seems like the logical thing to do, Im still feeling rather disgusted at the imagery of it all. EWWWWWW. It could be a unicorn on the other side of the wall, with an extra thick horn..Or a homeless guy wanting to get his rocks off…No thank u, there are just too many different scenarios.
    - 8th Wonder
      
      “It could be a unicorn on the other side of the wall, with an extra thick horn..”
      
      OMG, I’m done with you.
      - http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
        
        lol…those are the chances you take backin that @zz up to a hole in the wall.
    - http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
      
      It could be a unicorn on the other side of the wall, with an extra thick horn
      
      go to the corner, immediately
      - V Renee
        
        What did I do???
  - http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
    
    If having a J.O is what a person wants, they could always go to one of those mythical pron bookstores/video places (urban legend or not) and back up to a random and literal hole in the wall, making sure that either the banana or the pen!s was wrapped in a condom or saran wrap or if its a dude, look through the hole making sure a saw or a manother man’s @zz wasn’t on the other end (”NTTATWWT” with the latter- if thats what he’s into)before placing his wang in there.
    
    somebody’s been to the GloryHole International site.
    - http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
      
      P-Fiddy..what you know bout Glory Holes???
      - http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson
        
        I’ve got the internet. And pop-ups are terrible.
        
        no pun intended.
        
        8th Wonder
        
        *Snicker*
      - http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        ummm, cb-giddy, what do YOU know about glory holes?
        
        http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl
        
        well champie- skip -to -my -lou-poo-poo…
        
        my babysitter had a son who was a drag queen and for my bedtime story..i would make him recount to me all of the salacious happenings at the bu@tt necked bookstore.
        
        http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
        
        there are some things that i wish i could unknow. this is one of those things
        
        shay-d-lady
        
        my babysitter had a son who was a drag queen and for my bedtime story..i would make him recount to me all of the salacious happenings at the bu@tt necked bookstore.
        
        LOL whats funny is it wasnt my babysitter. .but my uncle was a drag queen and use to tell us those type of outrageous stories and to that my cousin who is a prostitute masquerading as a stripper and with whom I lived with for 2 yearsI found out Its a whole underworld of ridiculousness out there..
- Ivy St.
  
  Even if you’ve broken all of these rules, it is still possible to be considered a jump off though right? I mean anything that isn’t a serious relationship or a strong friendship is a… D) Jump-off
http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Regular Ol’ Alise

i have a jumpoff that i have had for many many years, the in-between relatioships fix, and we know that and it works.
when i am in a relatiohsip we may chat online or talk if we see each other out and about, but we know everything else is off limits when we are in relationships, no calls, no texts, nuffin…
they just weren’t relationship material, we have very little convo potential (neither one of us is shy, but when we get around each other we aint got a whole lot to talk about), perfect for jumpoffism…
- Gem of the Ocean
  
  regular?? does this mean regular alise has regular pets??
  - http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com/2008_10_01_archive.html Regular Ol’ Alise
    
    naw, even regular Alise is spectacular and majestic, how ya love that?
    - Gem of the Ocean
      
      phew *wipes brow* i was worried there for a sec. glad to know you are still spectacular and majestic when you’re “regular” hehe
charli skipper

ooh, i have one: never go to school with your JO….or never make someone you go to school w/ your JO.

and i’m not talking university, where there’s miles and acres to separate the two of you. i’m talking tight-knit, grad school setting, where you take daily classes w/ this person…after that mess ends (very badly b/c said JO was trying to boss up on a ninja like he’s actually the man and got cussed back, forth and yonder), your peers will be sitting around feeling like uncomfortable step-children during the breakup of the blended family. i mean, they don’t KNOW what’s going on, but they can FEEL that something just ain’t right.
- http://myspace.com/shatani shatani
  
  ive frequently been made a “child of divorce”…it is most certainly not fun
- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom
  
  This is too true. I never dated anybody I went to school with, and I sure wouldnt JO with one. Too sticky.
  
  When the Jumping is done they’ll be putting ya business all in the streets, printing it in the campus paper, writing class essays about it and what not. Im good.