the joy of **insert word that starts with “m” and rhymes with “fasturation”**

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i remember like it was yesterday. it was approximately 3pm on a friday, culminating my hectic first week of college, and i was sitting in my dorm, pensive and determined. i knew my roommate was leaving town for the weekend, leaving me all by my lonesome for the first time since i arrived on campus, and i knew i couldn’t take any longer to finally “christen” my room. i wouldnt feel “home” without it. slowly and and surely, i locked my door, closed my blinds, and laid on my twin bed, conjuring up thoughts of that spicy harlemite i flirted with in the cafe earlier that day while the theme song from “trouble man” played on an endless loop in my head.

i won’t go into too many details of my 240 second blissful solo sex-spree, but as you can imagine, it was a joyous occasion. one of many memorable moments with me, my lefty, and God.

an unabashed “remote control clicker“, today the champ wants to share his love of “percussionisting” with you, and, without further ado, here’s four reasons why the champ loves ***insert word that starts with “m” and rhymes with “pastor nation”***…and why he feels that you should love it too.

1. vagina vetting

no sense of humor.

warped sense of self.

smells exactly how courtney love looks.

these are just a few of the many qualities the champ would consider to be immediate red flags and/or deal breakers, yet each of these pale in comparison to the horror the champ exhibits when encountering a grown-ass woman who proudly states that she “doesn’t ***insert word that starts with “m” and rhymes with “gasmerfate“***”.

usually when making this claim, they’ll happily follow up with some variant of “i mean, why would i do something like that when i can just call someone do to it for me“, a statement which basically advertises…

“hey everyone! guess what?? i have a barren and stupid crotch, and boning me would be like watching paint f*ck, only weirder. i also wear jeans to bed occasionally and i keep a fridge full of dad’s root beer“.

there’s no boringer date and worse lay than a chick who’s scared of her own parts, and nothing says “my vagina intimidates me” more than a woman who refuses to ***insert word that starts with “m” and rhymes with “grassy fate“***. trust me. run like you sell drugs in the school zone.

2. kitten control

kittens, with their big eyes, playful dispositions, adorable whiskers, and furry feet are the bane of human existence, stealth mammal spies sent from the devil to steal all of our belts and murder dave chappelle.

i, for one, won’t stand idly by while we allow these cute-ass beasts of prey to destroy our quality of life, so, through my daily “turkey bastings”, i kill at least one kitten per day. its the least i can do.

3. yup. we’re talking about “practice”

when you buy your ak-47′s, you don’t just start immediately and indiscriminately spraying up your block and harassing co-workers do you?? no. you go to the firing range to practice first. why? because even though your own your gun, you don’t know your gun.

maybe your gun has a light trigger-pull, and it doesn’t take much stimulation to fire. maybe your weapon needs to heat up a bit before it’s able to shoot accurately. maybe you need to practice your aim, cause maybe your gun isn’t as powerful as you thought it was, so your ass better be an expert marksman.

since you want to go through life with the least amount of unknown “maybes” possible, doesn’t it make sense to “practice” as much as possible, sometimes three times a day a bit before (and after) the big game? you can never have too much practice. i love practice. sometimes during a game, i’ll be thinking to myself “self, i can’t wait until i get an opportunity to practice this some more!!!!”

4. the multi-tasking test

lets just say that once you’re able to effectively type one-handed coherent. legible, and intelligent thoughts to a client on your blackberry while popping the pepsi can, there’s nothing left to accomplish as a human being. you’ve reached the pinnacle of humanity. you’ve solved the rubic cube, topped the summit, and passed the ultimate test. seriously, you could perish right at that moment and die a content person.

okay. thats enough for today. i have some, ummm, “weeds” that need hedged before i go to sleep.

yeah, thats it. weeds.

i love gardening

—the champ

318 thoughts on “the joy of **insert word that starts with “m” and rhymes with “fasturation”**”

  2. okay.. there was no question so was this just a “getting to know way more than I ever wanted and needed to know” about the Champ piece? I mean not that theres anything wrong with that…..I mean this is your world… and I am just a squirrel ..LMAO aint nuthing wrong with getting a nut, however you can.. literally…

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    • “I mean this is your world… and I am just a squirrel ..LMAO aint nuthing wrong with getting a nut, however you can.. literally”

      lol…this metaphor was mixed like a primo track.

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  3. Just last week, I found out one of my girls never got intimate with herself and I was like whaaaa? She’s a grown woman! She’s had YEARS to go there! A group of us were discussing birth control and the NuvaRing came up. When she found out she would have to use her hands to insert and remove the ring, she claimed it wasn’t the BC for her. Basically because she had no desire to put fingers into her own vag. Oh boy. We asked her had she at least LOOKED at it with a mirror. Thankfully she had.

    I just don’t get it. I really don’t get how people think that masturbation means you don’t or can’t get sex. Like I think the Champ was trying to say, knowing your own vagina and what makes her tick is invaluable knowledge you can apply to sex with your partner!

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  5. ok this whole joint had me choking on my juicebox (and no, that isn’t a metaphor. i like my lil juiceboxes, don’t judge).

    as for women denying the “starts with an m, rhymes with a “astor station” i think that men doing it has always been more socially acceptable than women, basically because men’s sexual behaviour has always been more openly and freely discussed than women’s (pardon my simone de beauvoir slant). i mean, i come from a culture where female circumcision is still pretty commonplace. there’s a stigma attached to female sexuality. how do you embrace the joys of – ahem – self discovery when half your bits are missing?

    that said, if all of this is is as good as you describe, i might need to start to get to know me a little better…

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    • you had me at juicebox.

      and ummmm….

      “i mean, i come from a culture where female circumcision is still pretty commonplace….how do you embrace the joys of – ahem – self discovery when half your bits are missing?”

      puff, the comeback girl called and said she needs her wet blankets back for a seminar she’s attending later today

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  6. alright i think anything i have to say on the subject is being rejected by the site by virtue of my nasty mind, so i’m going to back to my problem set and juice box.

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  8. i am similarly annoyed by guys who don’t mastu… um… do their part to control the animal population.

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  10. I fully support this message. Folks don’t talk about twiddling enough. Everybody does it and yet alot of folks front like they don’t. Why is this? Twiddling also helps me abstain from calling and/or sending graphic emails to “mr. Wrong” and casual s*x. It’s also good for headaches, mild sedation and boredom. Frankly, I wish more men would own up to the fact that they like to watch. Time for bed now, except I’m not tired yet. I wish i had something to help me sleep…hmmm, i know! It’s good for that too. Zzzzzzz…..

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    • “Folks don’t talk about twiddling enough.”

      wow. i was having this exact same convo with my mom yesterday, except instead of “twiddling” i talked about “voting”.

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  11. What’s funny is that when chicks try to “use what they got to get what they want” as if I’m suppose to do whatever the funk just to get some. Being that I know how to get down (single-handedly) on my own, immediately trumps their card. I will say that there is power in the “pee-you-ess-ess-why”, but the art of ‘jackin” helps me overcome those evil powers.

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    • Though there is enormous power in the P, I do not support leveraging the cooch to get stuff/stuff done. Not overtly anyway. :)

      I believe that ridin your man till he can’t remember his own name and blowin him till his legs stop working THEN announcing that you will be remodeling the kitchen while he is in a half catatonic state is far more effective than promising good chex if he lets you remodel the kitchen or worse, withholding until he gives in. My way, everyone wins and I win twice: I get an O with my guy and I get a new stove.

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    • I will say that there is power in the “pee-you-ess-ess-why”, but the art of ‘jackin” helps me overcome those evil powers.

      **nodding head**

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  13. Qustion for all the smart people out here concerning this subject.

    I’m right handed. I do everything with my right hand.

    The only thing I do with my left hand is this.

    I’ve tried to do it with my right hand but it feels akward. Won’t work. LOL

    Anyone else do the same thing?

    Anyone know why I can’t do it with my right hand?

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    • I’m a switch hitter..( ambidextrous that is..) or sometimes I just use both…double the pleasure..double the fun! :) Your first love should be self love..and i love myself to death sometimes!! lol

      side note**

      What about the use of toys? I wonder how many men really use those..”devices”.

      I find toys a little cold and impersonal for me.. is that weird?? lol

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      • I find toys a little cold and impersonal for me.. is that weird?? lol

        I wouldnt say it is weird, its just what works for you. I actually like my toys to my hand. But having the man & the toy trumps it all.

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        • Seriously concidering leaving vsb to go to monster or career builder b-cuz my boss is bound to catch on that the sudden laughter outbursts are not because the rainfall data is amusing.

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          • but “rainfall data is amusing.”

            occasionally go into your boss’ office and make that remark or make it in the break room. Then they won’t wonder why you laugh, either that or tell your nosy co worker ( you know the one that spreads erryones biz) that you have turrets, and sudden outbursts of laughter is how it manifests itself.

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      • i started out using my hand, and i later on moved to toys. believe it or not, i come harder when i use my hand. i have a friend that cannot and refuses to use her hands to paddle the pink canoe.

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    • “I’m right handed. I do everything with my right hand.

      The only thing I do with my left hand is this.

      I’ve tried to do it with my right hand but it feels akward. Won’t work. LOL

      Anyone else do the same thing?”

      i’m the same way. i have absolutely no idea why this occurs. none.

      you know, this sounds like a perfect opportunity to implement the “stranger” (sitting on your hand to let it fall asleep, then performing the deed. )

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      • i talked to a – ahem – friend of mine about this who happens to be a lefty and he uses his right to handle his business. also to handle other business, if you get my drift. i think the switch-up adds a little interest to an everyday activity.

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  14. Champ- get out of my head!!!
    I have a co-worker who has never double clicked her own mouse. As a result, she has had more than a few ‘unsavory’ casual encounters. Gawd, I cringe at some of her stories. The impotent pron addicted bi-guy comes to mind *shudders*

    My new project is initiating her to the world of GoodVibes.com. I’m mad that she lived in Japan, land of some of the BEST impliments and never got down.

    I guess she feels that only the s3x starved “self-soothe” H3ll, I gets it on the regular and STILL dig into my Pleasure Chest. Alone and with him. Its fun and a good sedative….and a cure for some of the woman-issue ills…

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    • “I’m mad that she lived in Japan, land of some of the BEST impliments and never got down.”

      I’m mad at her too.

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          • well since you asked so nicely….

            Anyone who has been to Philly knows that the part of Center City between Walnut and South Streets and 9th and Broad is affectionately (and now officially) referred to as the Gayborhood. This is where my co-worker lives, though she is not a lesbian (NTTAWWT). She met an attractive guy at her local hardware store (which also sells other tools besides hammers and the like– if you get my drift). He just thought she was too fine, and even though she suspected that he went both ways, she decided to entertain him. They played cat and mouse for a month… missing eachother’s calls/dates etc, and she was finally done with him. After begging her to hang out one last time, she finally went out with him. He came over to her house one day after they had gone to the Naked Chocolate Cafe (I have to shout this place out… love it!) and they started to fool around. There was a problem however… he would ‘stand at attention’ and then promptly go limp. This happened repeatedly, no matter what she did. Then he broke the news on her… she was only his second woman… ever in his life. He wanted to try women because he had been watching straight pron, and loved the way women were able to get off so many times. So he wanted to try it. He asked if she had any pron around… she didn’t. So as a last resort, he broke out his STRAP ON (why he had this, and just happened to have it so handy, I have no idea) and suggested that it might help with is ‘problem’…

            Needless to say she soundly bounced him out of her condo… AND THEN STILL DIDN’T GET OFF… because she is not a sister in the CoSL

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  15. reader, perhaps your right hand is too predictable and too easily controlled. your body prefers a bit of surprise stimulation during these times so your nondominant hand is a better um… tool for the job? just my thoughts…

    but big ups to left hands- they get WAY less love than they should!

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  16. No problem with asturbation-may, but I’ve spoken to several male friends who have complained that they can’t seem to reach the mountain top with a female. Two of them in particular have blamed it on their mutliple s3x partners lack of expertise, but upon further investigation, I’ve found that they are serial jackers and it seems that their hand is the only thing that can please them. This is why I do not encourage this 3 times a day jackfest in which some people engage.

    Go on and touch yourself but don’t overdose..please.

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    • “Two of them in particular have blamed it on their mutliple s3x partners lack of expertise, but upon further investigation, I’ve found that they are serial jackers and it seems that their hand is the only thing that can please them.”

      i read a study about this once, and it stated that when this occurs, its not about the physical stimuli. its the fact that theres usually some visual stim (read: p*rn), and they’re unable to climax without those same images.

      my suggested solution: drink more milk

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    • the same ailment has been know to affect people who get their “still going and going and going” on, also…

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      • “the same ailment has been know to affect people who get their “still going and going and going” on, also…”

        As I said a bit further down, I don’t find this to be an ailment . . . knowing that I probably will not, allows me to take the time to feel a woman’s rhythm and learn how to satisfy her . . . this feeling, IMHO, is better than her doing it for me (aside from the occassional blue bolas) . . .

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  17. Now as someone who is still in possession of her v-card, do you think its weird that I don’t tickle my own keys? The guy i’m “dating” didn’t believe me when i first told him that I don’t do it. I just have no desire to (maybe that will change after having sex).

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    • I wouldn’t say its weird.

      But, self-exploration is important – mentally and physically. So I encourage you to try it – set the mood for yourself if you aren’t in it.

      You’d be amazed at the mental clarity you’ll gain afterward. The answers to some of your life’s problems will make themselves clear. lol.

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      • “You’d be amazed at the mental clarity you’ll gain afterward. The answers to some of your life’s problems will make themselves clear. lol.”

        yeah meleka. this could actually be stunting your career growth. you might have astronaut potential, but you’d never know because your thoughts are too foggy to see it.

        clear those thoughts

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    • It won’t change after sex because the sex is going to be…. not so good. I say not so good because since you have not taken the time to find out what is pleasing you will not know what to do during sex to ensure a pleasurable time. On the flip side, once you have sex you might get sick of not getting good results and be forced to “experiment.” Good luck.

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  19. I fell asleep early and now I can’t sleep and this post just gave me the motivation I need to find the ever elusive sleep

    on another note I never realized how men truly enjoy watching a woman demontrate her “demonstration” (replace demon with mastur…)

    I never understood women who don’t or have said they can’t insert fengers-I mean do u really know urself?

    i’m going to get a little better reacquainted right now

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  20. I have no problem saying I engage in self-love: to cure a headache, to de-stress, in front of my guy…basically whenever the mood strikes and when legal/safe to do so. lol.

    I have two friends, both of whom, during separate, individual conversations, say they’ve never had orgasms. After grilling them, I learned that neither had ever self-pleasured. They are in their late 20s and this blew me away. I mean, I was popping myself off well before any man ever did/could. *blushes*

    I am a firm believer that if you don’t love yourself first, no one else can. You got to figure out the rhythm you need to take you to the promise land.

    I not only encouraged them to finish their drinks/food and rush home, I told them where to stop off to pick up some toys to help the process along.

    Since I didn’t want to hear any reports on their experiments, I can only hope that they listened.

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    • “I have two friends, both of whom, during separate, individual conversations, say they’ve never had orgasms.”

      This is so sad.

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        • Yeah…one of my homegirls had even told me she’s wasn’t sure if she even liked “xes”. I was like dayum.

          I told her, I don’t think you’ve been done right, if you don’t know if you like it.

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          • I feel for women like this. I really do…
            I have one who still has her v-card at 29… which is fine. That’s her personal choice. But when I asked her how she survived this long, she said… prayer. I thought it was a euphemism…. it wasn’t. I have another to initiate into the Church of Self-Love. What in the H-E-Double hockey sticks is she gonna do when she finally gets some? The thought of the possibilities perplexes, enrages and amuses me all at the same time…

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              • “I love the Lord. I do.
                And I pray daily.
                But that love is different from my love of an O. ”

                I co-sign.

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              • DAMN! 29? She got it sewed up huh? Lol!

                you can’t miss what you never had. like, i wouldn’t crave for a shrimp and bacon burger now if i had no idea what it tastes like.

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            • One of my best friends is a v-card member at 29 as well.

              And I am pretty sure she has never even thought about touching anything. Good presbyterian girl that she is.

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    • “I am a firm believer that if you don’t love yourself first, no one else can”

      ***insert monthly shout-out to the prevailing word world outreach center***

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    • lol i didnt start bullying the little guy until long after i lost my v-card, and i will admit, i didnt climacks until i then, but since, the chex has just gotten better and better, lol.

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    • “I mean, I was popping myself off well before any man ever did/could.”

      pretty darn much…i was still scared of the dack when i first started…

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    • ***lurker coming out of shell*** I was 25 when I had my first O and had lost my v-card long before. I also got my first bullet that year. I feel the two are definately linked. Thinking about it, I learned alot at 25.

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  22. I feel sorry for grown women who still haven’t learned that simple lesson…you can’t love someone else until you learn to love yourself. Although, I find it hard to believe that someone over the age of 20 hasn’t made that commitment to self. Maybe these are the “insane” women that are talked about on here. I say go for it, have fun, learn to squirt, teach him to make you squirt.
    Dang can I say that on here? Oh well who cares…I had a good weekend. Loving “me” since 1985.

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    • “Although, I find it hard to believe that someone over the age of 20 hasn’t made that commitment to self.”

      I have a few friends that swear up and down they “don’t do that”. Sad. lol

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    • Dang can I say that on here?

      “squirt” is ambiguous enough of a term that it wont get caught by our filters. for all they know, you could be referring to a squirt gun or squirting gel on some skin or squirting from a hose into a wide-open pool.

      again, there are myriad ways to incorporate squirting.

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  24. “Go on and touch yourself but don’t overdose..please.”

    I concur with this statement. I frequent manola and palmela often, and I am not shy about it. Problem is, when with a woman, I do not bussit on most occassions. I do not really consider it a problem because there is no mess, no unplanned children running around, and this allows me to concentrate on the woman. The only problem that arises is that women tend to think that something is either wrong with them or wrong with me. I would like to say, “no I’m fine, watch” . . . but I havent dealt with enough open minded women that I would feel comfortable about breaking it out like that. Normally, it takes for me to get used to a woman before the climax can happen every time . . . that’s when the sexual chemistry is off the charts . . .

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    • ” but I havent dealt with enough open minded women that I would feel comfortable about breaking it out like that”

      And that right there might actually be your exact problem… Get yourself a free-spirit, and you’ll be good. :)

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    • actually, i’d have no problem with watching myself…and mutual pleasuring does have its benefits too

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  25. For women, the biggest plus to “pastor nation” is it will make getting an orgasm easier for you in the future. This is actual scientific fact (Dr. Ruth said so). So get it poppin yourself and then call a handsome lad over to help. Oh boy!!!

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    • “For women, the biggest plus to “pastor nation” is it will make getting an orgasm easier for you in the future”

      its amazing that so many otherwise intelligent women don’t realize this. me thinks this would be a great vsb psa

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  26. This is the perfect post to follow up P-Money’s I’m having a baby post. Polar freakin’ opposite. ;)

    As I’ve mentioned before that I have no problem “handlin’ up”. There’s no problem with it, and frankly I think it makes the world a better place.

    signed,
    Queen of the Castle

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  27. As a rule, people who claim not to ever ‘get better acquainted with themselves’ scare me. And the ‘i won’t touch myself, i need a man for that’ line sounds like something sarah palin would say (ie, dangerous nonsense that sounds ‘cute’ at first, to the uninitiated).

    But I think some women don’t do it cause they’ve never been able to do it to completion, so they give up. To that I say, if at first you don’t succeed…

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    • “And the ‘i won’t touch myself, i need a man for that’ line sounds like something sarah palin would say”

      you know, i bet sarah palin waters her grass at least three or four times a week. cats from irrelevant states need to do something to entertain themselves, so i assume they get it in as much as possible between rounds of wildebeest hunting

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  28. you are crazy… i was with you on everything except the multitasking… i aint got tie for all that.. i just want to wallow in pleasing myself and not concentrate on anything else…

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    • ” i just want to wallow in pleasing myself and not concentrate on anything else…”

      this is a chica after my own heart

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  29. “there’s no boringer date and worse lay than a chick who’s scared of her own parts,”

    I concur. The above statement caused me to run a check of my past conquests, categorizing them by who did and didn’t “twiddle their thumbs” and the ones who did were much more fun to play with. By. FAR.

    Actually upon further examination the ones who didn’t were damn near wack…and we all know that poon is ‘great’ by default. ‘ok’ and ‘aight’ aren’t even available ratings.

    Ladies make the world a safer place and know thyself.

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    • “I concur. The above statement caused me to run a check of my past conquests, categorizing them by who did and didn’t “twiddle their thumbs” and the ones who did were much more fun to play with. By. FAR.”

      yeah, i did my own analysis and came to the same conclusion.

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  30. Top Ten Reasons Lil’T Loves to Play Her Fiddle:

    1.) to get to sleep
    2.) to beat the commercial breaks
    3.) to make my work day go faster (go kegels!)
    4.) to keep me off the slutty tip. No fires in this tunnel.
    5.) to help me learn what pleases me (when i was a young gal)
    6.) to make me feel like Mr. Marcus is in my hands, not just on my screen
    7.) to help me quit smoking (idle hands…)
    8.) to tease my man
    9.) to make people wonder why I’m always smilin’
    10.) just.freakin.cuz.

    Ahh. that feels better.

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  31. masturblation is a touchy subject for some. (big puns) many who claim they don’t do it are lying and or they’re sexually inhibited. unfortunately many of the many who make this “no masturblation” claim are women.

    ladies it is sooo very sexy to be with a woman who is in tune with herself and is salacious and determined enough to get off with no hangups. im drawn to a woman that is turned on and not afraid to get hers. when i see that look in ur eyes as ur using me for a personal orgasm tool, its a BIG turn on for me. loose urself on c*ck if only for mere moments.

    kiss urselves, touch urselves and if ur lucky i’ll do it for u.

    a.k.a hood heffner

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  32. I think the best thing since sliced bread is when a women “rasterflates” while servicing you, thats some quality multitasking, vice versa is always good too.

    One a side note, notice how many “words” rhyme with the pastor late? Thats funny

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    • One a side note, notice how many “words” rhyme with the pastor late? Thats funny

      yeah. there’s literally thousands of word combos you can use

      ass-her-face
      master-rate
      castor-late
      faster fate

      …i could continue, but i think i need some more toast

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  33. I have a friend who doesn’t do the deed. If it weren’t for the fact that she’s been my homie since h.s. I would drop kick her dumb arse. Seriously, ladies – who the heck doesn’t do it? If it’s you, trust that you are boring with a capital B and you are responsible for sucking the joy out of many people’s lives. You may be to blame for depression, world hunger and the current nuclear threat from Iran and N. Korea. Also, you’re definitely a bad lay.

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  34. I will say this-I have (a) engaged in self-love since a VERY early age and (b) it’s one of the most awesome things that you can do to get in touch with what turns you on. For women, it’s the best gift you can give your guy…knowing and being able to COMMUNICATE what it is you like. GO CASTERFLATION!

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  35. First:

    Champ, I hope you hedged the hell outta them weeds.

    Second:

    While I do thank my good friend Hector for the relaxation (hell, I got some good zzz’s last night), there’s nothing like a man. I just can’t get there the same without a deep voice, some teasing, some touching, and a umm…strong mouthpiece.

    Umph umph umph.

    This is 8th’s TMI post for the 08 year. Holla.

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    • “I just can’t get there the same without a deep voice, some teasing, some touching, and a umm…strong mouthpiece.”

      We’ve talked about this before.It’s good, just not the same way as with a man. But, it the meantime-in-between time…you know the deal. :)

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  36. I gotta disagree with you on the practice tip of cash for nations. I found out at an early age, that its a lot harder to hit a moving target then it is when you’re by yourself. Going into the game I thought I was a contender because I could easily go 30 to 45 in practice.

    Stepping into the ring, I realized why they call it the preseason, because in the real thing shortie knocked me out in a clean 90 secs. Embarrassed I was able to get my man back up off the canvas, yet even on second wind (and guys all know about second wind), I only got up to 3 mins before the boy threw up the white…flag.

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  38. I love this post!

    I was just talking to one of my homegirls about this on friday. I was shocked that she found out about, well, “popping the pepsi” can so late. She was 15. By that time I’d already been on it for 5 years. To each his own I guess. Practice makes perfect ; )

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  39. ummmm…..yeah something that starts w/ “m” and sounds like “yes sir nation” (hey…i tried to rhyme) anywho….it’s against my religion if i don’t sooo all i do is just obey the word..lol

    before bed….gives me a great night sleep; waking up after praying; ummm anytime i’m gettin’ it done…lol

    celibancy is a hard thang ya dig! lol!

    Reply ↓

    • Lucky~ I have a question me and a close group of gal pals were talking about recently.

      Are you being celibate if you are “mastering nations”?

      what is your take (and other fine VSB writers and you too Wu a.k.a whoever you be today)?

      Reply ↓

        • Well no your not being celebate. How in the hades r u vowing to deny yourself this particular need and then circumventing the other person only by stand in. And then Jesus was all like ‘if you gaze upon a woman you have already commited a sin.’ or something like that. Well by that logic all you porn watchers and or thinking back on past cecksual xperiences. Your essentially faulking them again in your mind. Your mind, your biggest cecksual organ. I mean for real what are you really looking to achieve by saying you are celebate?

          Reply ↓

      • I think it’s one of those things people need to define for themselves. Depends on the reason why the person is being celibate. Whether it’s religious, personal, spiritual, just for safety measures…

        I did a self-imposed 6-month sexual fast, but it was more so to look objectively at my emotional life and such. So you best believe, my toys library grew a thousandfold. :)

        Reply ↓

      • I think you can get off on a technicality with this one. Just like some v-card holders argue that they’re still in good standing even though they’ve done everything but int.er.course.

        Depending on the logic used, one could say if there was no other party, then it doesn’t count. But if you had a “O” then….?

        Reply ↓

      • Shoot, Hector masters my nations on a somewhat regular basis, and we’re exclusive, but seeing as how Hector requires batteries and men do not…I’m celibate.

        Reply ↓

      • in my terms i believe its starts with “m” and rhymes with “yes sir nation”

        yes this is celibancy b/c nothing is entering the garage and parking of some sort….i guess

        i do it b/c i dont want to keep breaking my spirit having start with “s” and rhymes with “lex” with a dude or what have u and i’m not going to marry dude

        but not to say i’m gonna wait till marriage b/c i honestly dont know…ya dig….that might be coming in years and ummmm….yeah

        this is a hard thing but i made a promise to I and GOD…ya dig….i’m maintaing but i meditate…

        going STRONG people…lol

        Reply ↓

  40. I think self love may be the only thing on earth that can put you to sleep and wake u up . . . Thats some MAGICAL ish right there.

    Reply ↓

    • What about the “M” act makes work a safer place?

      it makes you less tense, and also decreases the chance that there will be rouge kittens scurrying around the office, stealing peoples shoelaces and hot pockets

      Reply ↓

  42. As Champ and GK and so many others have said, the big “M” makes for a sexy woman. Knowing your body and what pleases you makes you a much, much better partner in carnal crime. Any decent man would be frustrated by a woman who can’t position herself/direct him to lead her to the promised land. Part of his pleasure is knowing that you are getting yours, too (and if it’s not, give him the peace sign).

    It also makes you a better person. I am certain that my personal love fests have stopped me from shooting a mo fo (that and, well, not having a gun…), fighting/cussing some trick at work out, beating my nephew half stupid and more.

    Reply ↓

    • 1. I’m glad you know how much we love the feedback (signifycation that the deed got done) 2. that your nephew can grow to become a vsb in his own right. thank you and keep on tickling your taco

      Reply ↓

  43. Fortunately or unfortunately (depending upon how you look at it) I have Dom beat in the game…mine started at 5. I didn’t know what it was, but it felt great. This “great find” at such a young age is what makes me such a lovable and happy person. Of course I paid a price for my loving ass ways, I got caught and beat by my mom. Those beatings did absolutely nada.

    Reply ↓

    • “Of course I paid a price for my loving ass ways, I got caught and beat by my mom”

      Aw!!!! That ain’t right!!!
      I’m glad I never got caught, I’m almost positive my azz woulda gotten tore up…lmao

      Reply ↓

    • growing up an only girl has its perks… bath time was AMAZING! thank goodness for creaky floorboards

      Reply ↓

    • Has anyone else gotten caught by someone they didn’t want to get caught by??

      I’ve had a few close calls, but I’ve never been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

      Reply ↓

    • I got caught once too…I think I was about 7 at the time. It was a whole big deal, she told my aunt about it, etc and so forth. It most certainly didn’t stop anything-I just learned to be MORE covert about it lol.

      Reply ↓

    • Listen The Champ is only responding to the national ferrel faulking cat epidemic. These wanna be muguai are not good buisness. Hey where’s Bob Barker when you need him.

      Reply ↓

  45. I know someone mentioned this, but I really need to know, is there a such thing as self loving TOO MUCH?? What’s the daily maximum?

    Reply ↓

    • I think anything more than 2 seperate times per day is a lil much.

      I mean damn, can’t twiddle your life away, folks.

      Reply ↓

      • Yeah…I’m thinking you’re right 8th.
        I mean, I don’t have that kinda free time, for more than twice…lol

        Reply ↓

      • I second this …

        i too am a proud member of the CoSL (shouts out to Blackberry Mo’… but more than twice a day means someone has too much time on their hands… or is on vacation.

        Reply ↓

  46. “I know someone mentioned this, but I really need to know, is there a such thing as self loving TOO MUCH?? What’s the daily maximum?”

    There should be no limits on self love . . . if your instrument can stand it . . . you can never love yourself TOO much.

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  47. Real talk I think everybody did this as an infant. Shoot soon as that cold air hit the jewels errbody was reachin pullin tuggin rubbin @ they stuff. Some of us stop and some of us don’t. How many lil kids you seen rubbin grindin hunchin on the monkey bars or while climbing a tree. It’s natural.

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  48. Well now that i know that I may have the cure for cancer somewhere under all the “fog”, I must attempt to release it. On another note, if I told you ladies what I have been declining from ole boy for months now you might want to choke me and sh*t.

    p.s. Congrats panama on the great news, I know i’m late.

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  49. This was the best thing I’ve read all day! I know I’m late & the conversation seems just about over, but I had to let you all know how much I enjoyed the discussion on my favorite past time.

    I had an early start “saturating”, I think I was 4 or 5 and it was by accident too. Watching TV and my hands were cold, once I got “The Big Tickle” it was on from there.
    I think all women should do it, curses on the ones that don’t, I think it’s insane! Also fun with your partner, my friend got the biggest kicks when I would do it in front of him, oh it made for great nights.
    Toys are good but I “know” me better than anyone or anything, plus I think I need to feel flesh…oooh I gotta a tingle just typing that…

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  50. wow…ummmm…I HATE not having the net at home! you see WTF I miss?!?! a post on one of my favortie past times… I haven’t read the comments, because the moment has passed and I the banter is over…however, as a woman who has killed 2 bullets so far this year I consider myself the President of the Texas Chapter of the DIY Association…all I have to say is…

    “My name is GOODENess, I am a proud ‘mass debator’ and I approved this message!”

    CHAMP!!! this entire post has earned you head points for the rest of the year…salute!!!

    Reply ↓

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