Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Theory & Essay

The Intimacy Spectrum

As expected, yesterday’s “The Unspoken But Expected Reciprocation Of Giving (And Receiving) Head” sparked some pretty interesting discussion, as there were many separate takes on what constitutes appropriate oral sex decorum. More than anything else, this conversation just reinforced the idea that sex is nothing but an enhanced from of communication, and if you haven’t or can’t communicate certain things to a potential partner, you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with them.

One of yesterday’s more interesting sub-convos had to do with the different (and occasionally arbitrary) levels of intimacy assigned to certain physical/sexual acts. For instance, while some people consider a kiss — even an open mouth kiss — to not be that big of a deal, others consider kissing even more intimate than sex.

***Admittedly, this — considering a kiss to be more intimate than sex — seems counterintuitive. But, when I think about it, there are women I’ve been with sexually — women I was with a long, long, long, long, long time ago — who I wasn’t all that enthused with kissing. At the same time, I’ve either had an intimate relationship or wanted to eventually have an intimate relationship with every woman I was excited about kissing. Moral of the story? Don’t kiss Deltas.*** 

With this in mind, I decided to create a bit of a spectrum today that lists certain physical and sexual acts from “least intimate” to “most intimate” according to exactly how intimate I deem them to be. This spectrum, by the way, will be totally based on how I feel about certain acts, not how “men” feel or what’s “the right way” to feel. Just judgments and assessments from my own dating and relationship life.

Slow dancing and/or grinding

While you can do a touch-less two step with practically anyone — babies, grandparents, your friends’ ex-girlfriend, puppies, the Pope, etc — dancing closer and slower suggests a certain level of attraction/intimacy that’s not shared with everyone. You may not necessarily want to sleep with this person, but it wouldn’t be the awfullest thing in the world if it happened, either. (And, if she puts her hands around your head or neck at any time — repeat: at any time — she does want to sleep with you)

Lap sitting

A tad more intimate than a slow dance, but not as intimate as what’s listed below, there’s no other act that actively straddles the line between “this is innocent” and “this is, um, familiar as f*ck” the way a woman taking a prolonged seat in a man’s lap straddles it.

A lip-to-lip closed mouth kiss

It’s funny how this act serves two completely different purposes. If done at the beginning of a courtship/relationship, it’s basically a guy seeing if she’ll actually let him kiss her or if she’ll pull a Mr Miyagi and move her head away at the last moment.

But, if done while people are already in a relationship, it becomes a continual sign of confirmation. It’s not done to arouse or test, but to basically say to themselves and whoever happens to be watching “Yup. We’re together and shit.”

Fellatio

Putting “fellatio” here instead of a general “oral sex” was intentional. As hypocritical as this may seem, I consider going down on a woman much more intimate than a woman going down on me. This list is all about scale, and even though there’s a ton of overlap here, if I made a list of all the women who’ve gone down on me and made another list of the women I’ve gone down on, I’ve “liked” the women in the latter list a bit more.

(Also, swallowing has no effect on fellatio’s placement on the list.)

Regular sex

What “regular sex” actually means will be clearer in a minute.

Open-mouthed kiss

One thing I haven’t touched on yet is the fact that there are definite cultural differences in regards to the intimacy spectrum. For instance, (generally speaking) it seems like White people don’t regard open-mouth kissing with the same intimacy and/or reverence that Black people tend to. Not exactly sure why this is, but I think it probably has something to do with slavery.

Cunnilingus

Never not fun.

An “adult sleepover”

Defined (by me) as a planned and sex-less extended make-out session that involves sleeping next to each other, the adult sleepover is only done with people you see as a potential mate. It’s basically the woman saying “I’m not ready to go all the way yet, but I still very much want to be next to you” and the guy saying “I like you so much that I’m going to excuse these blue balls you’re going to give me.”

PDA

Of the possible public displays of affection, the most innocent one — hand-holding in public — is perhaps the most intimate. Ironically, the least innocent one — f*cking in public — is also the least intimate.

Unprotected sex

Although this probably should be at the top of the list, there are a couple things below it that I consider a bigger deal than going raw.

Period sex

Umm, moving on…

Anal sex

Although some don’t really consider this to be a big deal and would have already named this on their lists (and by “some” I mean “catholics and Latinas”), since it’s the one heterosexual act I’ve yet to successfully complete — and since, at this point, the only woman I’d have anal sex with is a future or current wife — it holds the top spot on my intimacy spectrum.

Anyway, people of VSB.com, how does your intimacy spectrum look? Is it at all similar to mine, or would you make any changes/additions?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Don’t forget to tune in tonight to The Blaqout Show on www.blis.fm/theblaqoutshow from 8-10PM tonight as we discuss all things music. We goin’ in. And we going’  ham before the debates.

Filed Under: ,
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.WordPress.com maris

    well, thank heaven I’m not Catholic…..

    • Yoles

      Y yo

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      drats!

  • Mr. ∞

    Once had .sex while listening to a J. mix some time around the end of the month.lol

    • Rewind

      Flood the gates!

  • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

    Sex, of any kind, is the most intimate. I’m insecure about my body and for me to show and share all of it with another person means they have earned my respect, love and above all trust.

    Kissing (of any kind). Personal bubble space is important to me. Having a person that close is invading the bubble, and they get to see all of my flaws (perceived or otherwise) up close and in HD.

    Next would be PDA. Hand holding is my favorite, but I do it with very very few people. Think about it; you’ve seen people cough in, sneeze on, scratch their butts with, and rub themselves with their hands, then they go on to put said hands on doors (that have been sneezed on, coughed on, etc.) and other people. Sharing an infinite loop of germs with another person? Intimate.

    Anything else falls outside of the spectrum.

    • Rewind

      Aww Tes has insecurities. Welcome to the club, you’re not alone.

      But maybe that’s why be kissing, holding hands…anything that involves me doing something to someone that’s going to lead to sex…is intimate. My body sucks, so if I let someone close enough to do anything with me, i have to give a damn about you

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “Aww Tes has insecurities. Welcome to the club, you’re not alone.”

        why did i just imagine rewind serenading tes with michael jackson’s “you are not alone”?

        • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

          That corner Uncle Champ.
          That one right there —->

        • Rewind

          Man, I’m not supposed to laugh out loud at work.

          Besides….I’m nowhere near that sensitive. Me and Tes will NOT stand in all white while I touch her as gently as a new born…because [Riley voice] nygga that’s gay [/Riley voice]

          • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

            .*looks down at oversized white t* Oh.

            • Rewind

              Tes, if I touch you, I can’t do it in a soft loving way.

              I believe 50% of my touching will be tickling because something is so damn cute about you that I know I will tickle you.

      • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        Tes does have insecurities, proving once and for all she is not a cyborg, Android, or otherwise manufactured being. :)

        • Brother Mouzone

          The insecurities were programmed into all of the newer cyborg models, cmon’, I thought everyone knew that!

          • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

            Bro, you are determined aren’t you?! lmao What do I gotta do to prove I’m not a manufactured being?

            • Brother Mouzone

              Hmmmmm….let me get back with you on that…
              *rubs chin and looks up and to the right*

        • demondog06

          which means you’re a synthoid…….

          • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

            You too?! What do I gotta dooooooo? I’m not a cyborg, synthoid, android, robot… I’m a real girl! lmao

            • kid video

              Ive seen Bladerunner…the proper name for your type is Replicant.

              • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

                What did I do to make you men suspicious of my humanness? o.O lol

    • Asiyah

      “I’m insecure about my body and for me to show and share all of it with another person means they have earned my respect, love and above all trust.”

      Me too. To the point where the few times I did have s*e*x, I only did it for a quick fix and would keep my shirt and bra off. And then I’d cry afterwards. Um…yeah…lol

      but that was then…

      • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        O__O
        *pats back*

        • Asiyah

          *shirt and bra ON.

          sorry for the confusion.

          the pat in the back was cute Tes <3

      • Kema

        Asiyah… I remember you saying you suffered from ADHD. Sometimes sex is a form or self medicating.

        • Asiyah

          Yeah. I don’t do that anymore, though. It’s been a really long time since I’ve engaged in a one-night stand. I was never promiscuous but I had my weak moments. It’s not as self-medicating as people think!

  • Cheech

    The last two would never make my list…..period sex will not happen and anal i don’t see happening…but near the adult sleepover..i would also add on “letting the partner keep some stuff in apartment or house” because that shows some form of commitment

    • Rewind

      If you do it in the shower, period sex doesn’t even count anymore.

      • Thai

        Ironically an ex told me this and I was still not convinced. #TeamNoPeriodSex

        • Sweet GA Brown

          +1 The shower does not make it any better.

          • Breezy

            +200

            • Brother Mouzone

              +300

              • demondog06

                +400
                that ish is nasty

        • http://www.shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

          yeah im with you on the #teamnoperiods.e.x
          and its not even for me.. i mean it makes me feel a certain way about YOU lol i mean for real its like 5 days in most cases imma need you to be able to contain yourself for at least that long. if not.. there’s a bigger issue cause what happens if im sick or worse yet them six weeks after pregnancy? yeah. no. get it together son

          • Pseudonym

            The six weeks after pregnancy?

            I always assumed that was the time for anal.

            (I have no kids, obviously.)

      • http://www.twitter.com/Bmorebmw Tentpole

        ….and you believed that

        • Rewind

          Those were my experiences. Clearly it doesn’t happen for everyone.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “period sex will not happen”

      I used to think this, too. But, well, things changed

      • Pseudonym

        Everyone knocks it until they try it.

        (Note: It’s not as messy as you would expect.)

        • http://www.twitter.com/Bmorebmw Tentpole

          Then you haven’t met the heavy flow cycle yet.

        • Brother Mouzone

          one word…ewwwwwwwww!

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

        yup, i wouldn’t of even tried, one day she wanted it bad and was like fuggit laid some towels out

      • GirlSixx

        Please let them know. *smh*

        My ex-husband ran plenty of RED LIGHTS.. and your BF/boo thang/Fwb will eventually try too. It’s not something you go around bragging about but it does happen.

        • Brother Mouzone

          “My ex-husband ran plenty of RED LIGHTS”

          THAT is some funny sh*t..!

      • DMichelle

        One night my ex just had to have it, and I had never done it before during that time of the month. It really wasn’t as messy as I thought it would be :)) **towels included**.

        • Adwoa

          Never done it. The mess is a concern, but moreso, the smell. I wouldn’t be able to relax. I’d be too self conscious.

          And yes I did change my regular comment name to make this comment.

    • LMNOP

      ehh, I don’t know, period sex is not that big a deal to me.
      and this is coming from someone who never uses pads because I think they’re nasty…
      But seriously if you strategically remove a tampon at the very last minute, and put in a new one when you’re done it’s not like you’re gushing blood or anything.

      As an added bonus, very low risk of pregnancy.

  • Rayne

    If and when I sit on a guys lap, it usually means one thing, my legs are tired and your lap is the only “seat” available. But its not just with guys, I will sit on women’s laps too. I don’t discriminate.

    • Rewind

      It takes a really emotinally trusting person to recognize sitting on our laps doesn’t mean you want to fawk us.

      • http://www.twitter.com/Bmorebmw Tentpole

        Wanting to and letting you are two different things. It’s right up there with letting you buy her dinner, movie, concert, ect… and they still don’t like you.

        • Rewind

          True. The signs of confusion run high.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “If and when I sit on a guys lap, it usually means one thing, my legs are tired and your lap is the only “seat” available.”

      How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?

    • Asiyah

      I feel weird sitting on a man’s lap because my dad taught me that’s inappropriate. I know that was 25 years ago when I was 3, but it’s stuck with me since. If I ever have to sit on a man’s lap due to circumstances such as a crowded back seat of a car (I’m always the skinniest so by default I end up sitting on a person’s lap) I feel so tense and just creeped out.

      • demondog06

        *in creepy uncle jeb voice*

        “c’mon gurl! come sits on my lap…and reach in ma pocket….got’s some candy fo ya”

        • Asiyah

          :(
          that frightened me! *nervous laugh*

  • thelonius

    “And, if she puts her hands around your head or neck at any time — repeat: at any time — she does want to sleep with you”
    Not if she is from the french west indies, and you are Zouking

    • thelonius
      • African Mami

        YES LAAAAAAAWD!!

        I LOVE LOVE zouk dancing!! *alilililililililililililililililil*

      • Rewind

        Yea but that falls into “cultural differences”.

        It’s like being in Brazil where you’ll end up sleeping up with a person way before you go on an official date.

      • Huh Bruh

        Where they do that at?

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        Couple with the white skirt woman and the couple with the orange belt woman was getting it IN !

        :)

        • DMichelle

          Couple #2 was off the chain!!

    • African Mami

      or from Africa, and you are either kudoroiiing, or kizombaiiing

      • thelonius

        all of that, lusophone african dances are on top right now

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      I wanna do some zouking now

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

      Maybe because im just american zouking be having you ready to slide her off into a bathroom or something to her its nothing….tease n shit

  • Telekendall

    PDA. . . if and when I ever do PDA. . . it will more than likely be at my wedding. For some reason PDA scares the living mess outta me

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      you have nightmares about holding hands and shit?

      • Telekendall

        basically lol. But the one time I tried to hold my ex’s hand he was so shocked he immediately dropped it and asked what he did wrong lol

  • Malik

    Ehh, I “ate” during aunt flo. Doesn’t get more intimate than that.

    • Aly

      *record scratch* Say whaaa?

    • Mel

      why have you forsaken us??!!

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      * justin bieber hurl*

      • http://awordorthree.com Crystal Marie

        I have laughed for 6 minutes at the idea of anyone doing a Justin Bieber hurl.

    • http://vanityinperil.com Vanity in Peril

      “Doesn’t get more intimate than that.”

      It. do. not.

    • naturalista88

      This is gonna be an interesting yet hilarious thread to read.

    • thelonius

      Ooh (vybz kartel voice)

    • DG

      • DG
        • Anastasia!!!

          OMG, laughter !!

        • Thai

          bwhahaha…the hamster though

        • YeahSo

          lol

    • http://www.shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

      my guy friend calls it “negotiating the string”

      …meaning tampon string.

      groosssss. yall win. lmao.

      • chameleonic

        pretty much.

        ….but iuno. I MIGHT let a guy do that with a bit of glee and elation like ‘you fuhREA — mmmm!!’ but hey. anecdote to pain just might be pleasure!

      • Brother Mouzone

        I’ve heard it referred to as “getting your blood wings”…I’ll stay grounded, thank you.

        • Asiyah

          Earning your red wings, is what I heard it referred as lol

    • Anastasia!!!

      brrr wwhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???

      O_O

    • Anastasia!!!

      And see this is ZACTLY WHY kissing needs to be like top of the intimacy list.

      Omg.

      idie.com/omg

    • SexyCool

      Flatlined___________________________
      Please resuscitate.

      • Anastasia!!!

        CLEAR
        **Sends electric shock to your system**

        Hope you make it gurl.

    • Medium Meech

      You win. Game over. Unless someone comes out and says they sucked out a placenta you’ve pretty much shut down the thread and set the standard for intimacy. Real question. Did you kiss her afterwards?

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        LOLLL.

      • http://Www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

        LMAO

      • Manny

        HAHAHAH

      • Thai

        I am DYING of laughter at this thread!!!

        • Breezy

          *falls in hole*

      • Malik

        Yup

      • African Mami

        *sucked out a placenta*

        DEAD—————————>body being transported to the mortuary!

        • Medium Meech

          I left out the part about playing it like a harmonica because it was too early for that when I made the comment.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        iLaughed

      • cynicaloptmst81

        *TEARS*

        LAUGH.OUT.LOUD!

    • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People
      • nillalatte

        rotflmao… omg

      • Thai

        lmmfao…I CANNOT breath!

      • YeahSo

        Bwahaha y’all foolin!

    • http://thejahfiles.blogspot.com/ B. Brown

      *Awards AL MVP Award to Malik

      Neither Trout nor Cabrera can make a case that beats that.

      • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Agreed my dude. F the Triple Crown! LOL

    • http://Www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

      Vampires aren’t real my @ss.

    • Rewind

      Me too. I only regret it because of who I did it for.

      And I’ll be damned if you didn’t get the most replies for this shyte alone.

    • http://awordorthree.com Crystal Marie

      But why??

      Why would a woman even enjoy that… at that time? Did she ask you to do so? Did you volunteer your services? Did you know what was happening down there before you dived in? Was it a heavy day?

      Actually, don’t answer any of those questions. I’m not prepared for the answers. I’m just overwhelmed.

      • Crayolagirl

        Malik, please answers these questions because I’m at a loss for how this would actually take place!!!

        • Medium Meech

          Also, did you paint your face like a tribal warrior when you were down there? You earned it.

          • http://Www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

            Or they could have been role playing National Geographic style.
            Maybe he was the lion and she was the zebra.

            • dragonflyy17

              OMG! That is the worst analogy I’ve ever heard (and will ever hear probably)!

          • http://www.twitter.com/black_yoda Black Yoda

            I think the face painting happened while he was down there. :-(

            • http://awordorthree.com Crystal Marie

              As Liz would say, Justin Bieber hurl.

            • African Mami

              awwww Yodie!!—->face painting sounds poetic!

      • Malik

        I volunteered, did not know, and low tide.

        • http://www.twitter.com/SoulaPowa Soula Powa

          *plays Kanye – “So Appalled” in background*

          But, Malik didn’t know.

          OK, when you er.. found out, did you keep going? And if so, why?

        • Kema

          Wait… So does this mean you tasted the flo?

          • GirlSixx

            *Gags*

            OMG

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          oooh you volunteered and did not know. The woman set you up!

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        Very intense orgasms for a cramping horny woman

    • Manny

      No, no it doesn’t. Threw up in my mouth a little.

    • http://lovejonesd.wordpress.com/ Gabs

      damm boy, thats disgustingly intimate lol lol,word boy, not for me thought..wow

      • Brother Mouzone

        Damn!!! And I’m eating spagetti and meat sauce today! THANKS MALIK!

    • Thai

      *double take* I just choked on an apple laughing at Aly’s response. The hell u mean?

    • Namia

      OMG!!……………..

    • Sweet GA Brown

      Malik…you have earned your red wings. As we say in the Navy “BRAVO ZULU and a job well done!!!!!”

      OAN: Yuck!! -2 Chainz

    • Breezy

      Malik: Please to call Always and Kotex and tell them you a new genius idea for a commercial!

    • Marshal

      ……………………………………………………………………..
      (* No words right now, as Marshal has just upchucked his breakfast and last night’s dinner- Seriously*)

      -_-

      Thanks Malik, you’ve made Wednesday so much less colorful, and I will forever feel nauseous whenever I see Red………

    • http://www.twitter.com/Bmorebmw Tentpole

      Malik you not alone on this, your just the first to admit it.

      • Sweet GA Brown

        And admit it like its okay. Is this a norm? Maybe she was going of fand only spotting. Maybe he stayed at the top and didnt go to the…bottom.

        • Kema

          I have had it done… Stayed at the top. Never tasted my flo

          • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

            I think it sounds worse than it is, I’m guessing most women, like me, have times where it’s very light and negligible. The thought just turns me off so it’s not an option.

            • Aly

              The more I’m reading the responses to this, the less I’m grossed out by it. Just don’t kiss me after and we’ll be ok…maybe. Ok, nevermind. I thought I could get with it, but it seems better just to wait for the all clear.

              • Breezy

                exactly!!!!!

          • Sweet GA Brown

            Okay that makes a lil more sense then. But I have heard about guys earining their red wings the hardcore way.

          • gemgirl

            I’ve also had it done, tampon in, stayed at the top, felt good

    • kid video

      Never ate during tha flo…but i’ve played with the string and it was kinda a turn on…

      • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Agreed. It’s fun to gown up and go for it that time of the month. But kiss the Love Below when Aunt Flo is visiting? Nah son. Not me.

      • chameleonic

        to me, someone massaging my pelvic area when im all bloated and such would be a really sweet gesture and getting a lil naughty with the string play would make me smile. it shows how comfy a guy is with a natural womanly thing so itd make me feel a lot more comfortable with him just in and of myself. eating me though? comPLETELY unexpected suprise. 5 gold stars for voluntarily going above and beyond. period sex was never on my radar but its kinda one of those things a man would put to me and id follow his lead. definitely not gonna stop him if he wants to be that close.

        • Rewind

          It’s not something we put on our “Shyte We Have To Do Before We Die” list.

          But if you are dealing with a woman and feel completely comfortable with her, then you see her as a person. That means the farts, the boogers, the period…all of that, you recognize it and don’t feel a need to be digusted by it because you know that’s part of her being a human being. And if she’s feenin during the flow season and you don’t mind pleasing, then yea you give it a try. If we don’t like it, we won’t do it again, but I’m not going to act like a kid in 6th grade screaming EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

          • chameleonic

            right. exactly. I mean I know its definitely an acquired position to be in but at the same time its just really comforting to not have to be all wound up and tense around a guy. it feels good that he can chill on that level with me and like you said if its not his thing. cool. but its nice to be a man about that kinda stuff. shrug it off and what not.

            • Rewind

              It’s just a level of maturity. The human body to me is purely digusting, so if I start making exceptions for it based on biology, chemistry, and overall needing to bust a nut, THE LEAST I could do is view a woman as a human being, just like I am, and not pretend she is majestical doll that needs to be perfect at all times.

              I think this comes from me having a frail body and I’m very sensitive about my looks because my body is horribly scarred. So then it feels like “how dare I treat her like she should be perfect, when I’m in such bad shape? That’s not fair”. Plus I realize the body images so many women have, that they really appreciate it when a man takes the time to break down the walls of fear they build about their bodies.

    • http://www.twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

      Does it make me weird that I find everyone elses reaction to this weird?

      • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Yes.

        • http://www.twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

          ;) teehee

      • LMNOP

        I don’t know if I find it “weird” but definitely seems like a flashback from middle school.

        • sincereluv4life

          we must’ve went to the same middle school lol

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          lmaooo

      • http://www.twitter.com/SoulaPowa Soula Powa

        Yup.

      • Ree

        nope, I’m with you.

        I had to stop lurking and let you know. You are not alone. Neither is Malik, I know a guy who, and the girl that let him..and we both survived. Nobody threw up.

        As far as red lights, I guess I’m the only one who gets really really “hungry” during that time, and doesn’t mind putting the towel down (with my bf because, yes that is intimate, but like gross intimate… if that makes sense)

        • chameleonic

          a man farting during dinner intimate

    • http://Www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

      You know her stuff is good if a ninja turn into C*nt Dracula on it.
      The foreplay must have been madness. What you do, braid the tampon string with your tongue?
      If so, you got some talent boy. Strolling to the bathroom looking like you just ate a bucket of ribs. I aint mad at ya.
      That pork is the devil I tell ya.

      *sigh* I’m so stupid

      • Sweet GA Brown

        Stop it I say. The folks gonna find me dead in my cubicle. LMAO

      • Thai

        DEAD

        • Breezy

          SOBO…yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, yoou just made me spit out my Grannysmith Apple all over this desk.

      • GirlSixx

        *Dead-n-Buried*

        Lawwwddddddd..

      • Rachmo

        **faints** **wakes up disoriented and rereads this comment** **faints again**

      • gemgirl

        mine said it tasted like iron…….shrugs! his willingness was sexy

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      did it taste any different?

      • Breezy

        *throws up guts*

      • CrayolaGirl

        I would think it would be a bit sweeter.

        • Sweet GA Brown

          I would think that it would take like a penny or something.

          • CrayolaGirl

            You might be right.

          • sincereluv4life

            LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

      • http://www.twitter.com/Bmorebmw Tentpole

        salty

      • Medium Meech

        Probably depends on if it was chunky or original.

        • Breezy

          OOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGG!!

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          done.

        • http://www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

          Meech. You are cracking me the fcuk up today man.

        • GirlSixx

          CTFU!!!!

          ican’t….

        • Ree

          noooooo!!!!!!!

        • jaytee

          CRYING

        • African Mami

          @ MM,

          I didn’t get your statement, you mean her lady lips?! Or….

      • http://www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

        Taste? 0_0
        What about the…… ‘fray-graunce’?

        • Breezy

          annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddd rigamortis!

          PLEASE SOBO and MEECH just stop!!!!

          • Sweet GA Brown

            Breezy please send them to the corner. Im dying a slow death.

            • Breezy

              *clears a corner for SOBO and Meech* Ya’ll two ninjas need to remain in the corner until further notice.

      • Rewind

        Lightly salty. That’s all.

      • Rewind

        Lightly salty. That’s all.

    • http://www.co3studio.com Cadet

      ok, so i just had to stop eating my raspberry danish.

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        This response.

        I see y’all gonna be off the chain today.

    • Adanaesq

      Now I have New Edition playing in my head. If it isn’t love…

      • Breezy

        …that’s the shid…IT AINT LOVE….its more like Janet Jackson…”Nasty”

    • GirlSixx

      Ummm *tapsMalikonShoulder*

      You’re not suppose to say this OUT. LOUD.

      ewwwwww.

    • http://twitter.com/thepopculturist thepopculturist (aka BKSweetheart)

      WOW you people are making such a big deal of this. My ex-bf did this plenty of times..

      I think you guys are envisioning him down there during heavy flow all up in the labia and nooks and crannies slurping it up.. (Envisioning Malik looking up afterwards and it was like some True Blood sh*t and his fangs are still out and blood all smeared all around his mouth)

      This is the successful way to pull this off:

      1) Take a shower right beforehand, wash thoroughly

      2) Put in a fresh tampon, tuck the string underneath or out of the way

      3) Guys licks only cl*t area and slightly below. Does not go beyond that

      4) Everyone’s happy

      Although i must say I probably wouldn’t attempt this during heavy flow though.

      • http://www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

        -_- Aint enough winter, spring or summer’s eve in the world sweetheart.
        Nice try, but please,…have a seat.

        • http://twitter.com/thepopculturist thepopculturist (aka BKSweetheart)

          LOL.. he volunteered. I would never ask anyone to do this

          • http://www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

            But I bet you he has the nerve to order his burgers well done when ya’ll dine out though.
            This n*gga!
            *smdh*

      • Rewind

        Thanks for being reasonable.

        These folks..I can’t tell if I’m back in junior high yet.

      • demondog06

        No….

      • gemgirl

        cosign!

    • Brother Mouzone

      RRRRRRRRRRRRRoooooo!! *Scooby Doo voice*

    • http://youtu.be/DsTAKhgtmvA Huh Bruh

      Back in school, the 2520′s used to call that getting your red wings. When you finish drinking from the gates of hades, you come back up with facial paint.

    • Not So Sensitive

      No need to make voodoo spaghetti in this case….

      • Breezy

        You from the islands huh?

        • Not So Sensitive

          Not from the islands at all, I’ve just heard rumors about it *looks up while whistling and walking away* :)

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      Tampon was in, after a shower, right? *snickers*

      • http://twitter.com/thepopculturist thepopculturist (aka BKSweetheart)

        I have a feeling A Woman’s Eyes knows something about this….

    • http://twitter.com/inomallday Shamira

      I can’t e’em breathe y’all!!! I’m bout to get fired for cackling/gasping at my desk…it’s too early!

      My only question is this. You didn’t feel some kind of way that she didn’t warn you? Or did she not know herself?

      That said, you went above and beyond. *hands medal of valor*

      I don’t get why people are surprised by secksual acts happening at red lights…I dunno about y’all but when I’m not feeling bloated/crampy/disgusting….I’m like a cat in heat. That said, I haven’t ever gone through with it (save for an accident here of there,so not intentional)…but the urge exists. *shrugs*

    • demondog06

      eeew nygga you nasty…..yuck…

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        LOL, honestly I think anything is game in an adult’s bedroom but personally I’m OK leaving some things a mystery.

    • DMichelle

      WOWWWWW!!! That’s a whole different level!! I’d freak out if my man tried that. Doing it during that time …yes…. but going that route I would panic!!

    • YeahSo

      Ahhh Malik… pay them no mind.

    • Cali

      this thought & response is some priceless ish!

  • African Mami

    “And, if she puts her hands around your head or neck at any time — repeat: at any time — she does want to sleep with you”
    -BULLSHIGGIDY!

    -How is kissing more intimate than sex?! Jesus. I don’t get this at.all. Actually, I don’t take you seriously.

    Sex is such an intimate act, it has the potential of, actually has been responsible for bringing forth life. It is a physical act in which body fluids are not only exchanged, but emotions and in some cases, a spiritual convergence occurs. Moreover, it is such an intimate act that it sometimes clouds mental aptitude! On the other hand, while kissing may be considered by some as a very intimate act, I just cannot for the life of me, wrap my head around the idea of it outranking sex. Someone help a sister out.

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      easy….most pr0n does not incude a lot of kissing but lots of sexing.

      at least that’s what i’ve heard.

      • African Mami

        Girl, that’s an extreme case. Nrop, is a JOB. They actually get paid to do this. The rest of the mortals, are not out here making a living out of chexxing.

      • Medium Meech

        Pretty sure I saw a real sex where a drug addicted prostitute who has probably done everything under the sun for her next high said that she didn’t kiss because it is too intimate.

        • African Mami

          *blank stare* I don’t believe her.

        • Rewind

          I remember that episode and called bullshyte.

          Then I tried to figure out who’s going to feel special about her kissing them.

        • http://awordorthree.com Crystal Marie

          Research shows that the hormone “oxytocin” is released by women when they kiss someone. Women who regard sex as a job, in this case prostitutes, don’t want to release that hormone and create a bond that they are not interested in developing. Men are less likely to release oxytocin in general, but when they do, they latch on! )(So ladies if you wanna trap someone, maybe you should inject some oxytocin in their dinner?) Look it up. I be knowing.

          http://www.wisegeek.com/what-does-the-oxytocin-hormone-do.htm

          • Thai

            “Research shows that the hormone “oxytocin” is released by women when they kiss someone.”

            Bingo!

            • Marshal

              Oxymoron question, but does it make it intimate if your kissing Slow as opposed to kissing Fast when you’re horny as hell and can’t wait to strip and get to doing the damn thang? I think the former is more “special”

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                I LOVE that question, Marshal. LMAOOOOOO

                • Marshal

                  I kinda do want to know though, cuz I try to be a Gentleman and not rush to get it in so I kiss Slow, but when i get extra hard I’m rushing and kissing while taking off clothing…..

                  A Nymph/Freak is ALWAYS in the Mood

      • http://lovejonesd.wordpress.com/ Gabs

        you sure u just heard lol, and yes u r ryt

      • kid video

        most pr0n does not incude a lot of kissing but lots of sexing

        If poRn had lots of kissing and hand holding, it wouldnt be poRn…It would be “The Notebook”.

        • Brother Mouzone

          On the rare occasions in my life where I actually watched *pron*, the ones where they kissed made me go…eeewwww, yuck! Don’t judge me…

    • chameleonic

      this is why yesterday I said even though Ive had a sexual whoopsie before I still hold true to the beliefs and sanctity of sex and marraige. this is EXACTLY why. exactly.

      + infinity

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      You have to look at someone to kiss them. To hump, you don’t really have to pay them mind. Also, the personal space around your face is the space people will do the most to protect. If they’re afraid of getting hurt, you won’t see that space.

      • Marshal

        Not always,

        If you Really LOOKED at someone while you’re kissing them (the whole time), sometimes you start Thinking, and Thoughts tend to ruin the whole thing

      • African Mami

        “Also, the personal space around your face is the space people will do the most to protect.”

        Say warrrr now?! Protect from what? iCan’t with some of ya’llz explanation about kissing being more intimate, not making sense at all. Are you possibly talking about vulnerability? Or, is he going to hit her after kissing her? I’m sooooooooo confused!

    • http://www.twitter.com/Bmorebmw Tentpole

      Question: Does kissing make you wet? If it does then you have your answer. Next. How many times did they VJ had to be made wet when there was no kissing before hand and you weren’t in heat.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “And, if she puts her hands around your head or neck at any time — repeat: at any time — she does want to sleep with you”
      -BULLSHIGGIDY!

      i call bullshit on your bullshiggidy

      • African Mami

        I, African Mami, call BULL FECAL MATTERS on your bull shit!

    • Asiyah

      There’s a biological need in most, if not all, of us to have s*e*x. Continuing the species and such. There isn’t much of a biological need to kiss, though. How does that continue the species? Only if it leads to s*e*x. That is what makes kissing more intimate. It isn’t so much about a need as it is a strong want.

      That was scientific Asiyah.

      Real Asiyah thinks kissing is too intimate because she has intimacy issues and feels kissing shows more affection and ewww why would I want to show affection to someone I like then that would make him think he has power over me and then he’ll use me and manipulate me and months later he’ll wake up in his ex’s bed and actually have the nerve to tell you about that.

      • Medium Meech

        You’re on to something here. Sex can be an intimate act, but the base motivation to have it is independent of any need or desire for interpersonal intimacy or affection. Those other things can contribute to the experience, but are secondary. Kissing is in an intimate interpersonal act that can be used to compliment the desire for coitising a chick.

        • Asiyah

          To me, friends are what fulfill that interpersonal need. So does family and children. That’s why I prefer to marry a man who was my friend prior to the relationship. Not too close of a friend. I’m not talking best friend. That would be weird. But a friend nonetheless.

    • demondog06

      ” -How is kissing more intimate than sex?! Jesus. I don’t get this at.all. Actually, I don’t take you seriously.”

      i don’t need to like you to bone you….but i can’t kiss you if i don’t like you…..

      • African Mami

        Mmkay. The reverse could be said of sex.

  • http://lizburr.com Liz

    Honestly I think my spectrum is just like yours…the only weird thing is the lap sitting. It’s not that it doesn’t belong in the place you put it….it just seems a bit out of place on the list in general. But on the other hand it is intimate.

    • Rewind

      Not really. Sitting on laps is a big mind fawk. You can’t tell if the person is interested or if you just got used as a free seat.

      Most guys have to have one experience where a girl sat on his lap, and he actually thought things might be going good from there on….and afterwards nothing happened.

      • http://www.twitter.com/Bmorebmw Tentpole

        all it really means is that she is confortable with you

        • http://glippost.wordpress.com Darrk Gable

          Which means you’ve possibly been *drum roll* friend zoned.

          This list reminds me of the Best Man with that left frontal lobe kiss. *Flashback* yeah, that ish don’t work.

          • Rewind

            I don’t care about being friend zoned. Those days of stressing over that are gone. But don’t do things that basically tease the idea of flirting. Some of us get it, but for most men, it takes a time or two to figure it all out.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

        it really is a mind fawk sometimes, i guess it depends where she sits, closer to you knees she just needs a seat, a lil back she tryna feel something, all the way back yo ass is just a chair lol

        • Rewind

          And I’ve had all 3, with a big question mark above my head for each one.

    • Manny

      It is a big deal, it’s lower body touching. I don’t even let my leg rest against someone elses when I sit down or sit close to them if we’re not good friends. Lap sitting is very intimate I think.

      • http://lovejonesd.wordpress.com/ Gabs

        seriously, ur butt on my dick, now thats intimate as ever, sh!!!!t i am growm as man , you dont pull that on me ..

    • http://www.shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

      @liz right i think that might be a woman v man thing and manly because of the type of experiences we will have had with “lap sititng” vs men.
      i mean as a girl and pretty petitie teenager i would sit on peoples laps all the time, in cars that were over filled, on bus’s, my uncles, granddad etc. there is familiarity there but never have i looked at it in the same spectrum of anything s.e.xually related even as an adult.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “the only weird thing is the lap sitting. It’s not that it doesn’t belong in the place you put it….it just seems a bit out of place on the list in general. But on the other hand it is intimate.”

      the lap sitting was included because, like everything else on the list, it was graded on a “how much do i like you?” scale. and, to allow someone to sit on my lap, i have to like them a bit more than someone who i just slow danced with