The 10 Happiest People In The World » VSB

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The 10 Happiest People In The World

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10.) White People on Bicylces

I don’t know why it is, but cycling just seems to unleash some kind of unparalleled joy on the faces of white people.  Now that spring has arrived, major cities across the country are being inundated with smiling white people on their bikes.  Where are they going?  Who knows.  Maybe to an artisanal mayonnaise shop or to a picnic with tiny sandwiches or something.  But wherever they’re going, they’re on a two-wheeler and they’re happier than you’ll ever be.

(Honorable mention: White dudes hearing there’s beer in the break room)

9.) Old People who just found out they’re getting a discount because they’re old

You ever been at a restaurant with your moms when she finds out there’s an AARP discount?  Bruh, there’s nothing like the happiness of a senior citizen being acknowledged for their 55+ years on the planet by 15% off at Old Country Buffet.  They might even get coffee AND dessert.

(Honorable mention: Grandparents buying pajamas for their grandchildren)

8.) Ques hearing the first eight seconds of Atomic Dog

You can see it in their eyes.  The song starts up and their eyes get big like they’re thinking, “That sounds like… OH SHIT THAT’S IT!”.  Next thing you know there’s hopping, there’s stomping, a shirt’s coming off and your niece’s quincinera is off the chain (and your Mexican in-laws are bewildered).  True story, I once DJ’d a Que wedding where the bride paid me $100 extra to not play Atomic Dog.  That song’s dangerous.

(Honorable mention: AKAs at brunch)

7.) People who still eat pork

Because they can order anything on the menu and you can’t.  Every brunch, you gotta start by asking if they got turkey bacon or turkey sausage or beef ribs.  Not these people, they’re free.  They’re happy.  They’re getting the BLT.

(Honorable mention: Your brother-in-law telling you about the rich/famous person’s taxes he did that one time but can’t disclose any names)

6.) Aunties in Las Vegas

It’s Brenda’s birthday weekend, Tammy’s son just graduated from high school, Wanda got promoted to supervisor and Felicia’s divorce papers just went through.  Watch out, y’all,  the aunties are fitna kick it!  You haven’t really partied in Vegas until you’ve been at Tao Beach with a bunch of 40+ black women who ain’t gettin’ their hair wet in that pool but got good credit and are gonna buy some bottles for they damn selves.  Vegas aunties are the best and they got buffet passes.

(Honorable mention: The guy playing bass in a funk band)

5.) Your sister’s boyfriend

Because he’s an idiot.

(Honorable mention: Dogs riding in cars with the windows down)

4.) People who work at Carmax

They’re not there to haggle, they’re not there to hustle, they just want you to be happy with your pre-owned Volvo S60.  They’re the antithesis of the smarmy car dealers.  I test drove a car there once, didn’t buy it, the salesman (his name was Dave) called me up a week later to ask how I was and then congratulated me on getting a great deal somewhere else.  Who does that besides the happy muhfuckas at Carmax?

(Honorable mention: The receptionist at a dentist’s office who just got flowers)

3.) Athletes who are seconds away from winning a championship

Especially the ones on the bench.  Like, you see them on the sidelines, all smiles and back pats waiting for those last few seconds to tick off so they can trade their Gatorade for champagne.  They know that they’re *thisclose* to confetti, parades, rings, Queen’s “We Are The Champions,” and a commemorative Sports Illustrated fan package.  That’s pure joy.

(Honorable mention: Bougie black people seeing a Starbucks opening in their neighborhood)

2.) Black dudes playing basketball in commercials

Maybe they’re selling sneakers or a sports drink or Icy Hot or maybe it’s time to have a serious talk about HIV.  Doesn’t matter, black dudes hooping in commercials are all abnormally happy be there.  Now that I’ve pointed this out, you’ll never not notice it.

(Honorable mention: Beth at work telling you about her Etsy store)

1.) Kids eating ice cream

Seriously.  Nothing happier than kids eating a Scooter Crunch in a park on a hot ass day.  I won’t even open the floor for debate on that.  If you can’t make a kid happy with ice cream, perhaps you need to invest in a house made of gingerbread and a large oven because you’re probably a witch.

(Honorable mention: Uncles telling you about 1983)

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Corey Richardson

Corey Richardson is originally from Newport News, Virginia currently living in Chicago, Illinois with his wife and two daughters. Ad guy at work, Dad guy in life, and whiskey enthusiast, Corey spends his time crafting words, telling bedtime stories, and working hard at becoming the legend he is in his own mind. You can read his paternal musings at FatherlyNoir.com where he chronicles his life doing battle with all of the women with his last name.

    • brothaskeeper

      How can WE be down?

      • Val

        Too late.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too late

          #NoNewFriends

          • Jennifer

            Nah. He can still get into that Super Soul Sunday crew. That’s the new school. “Don’t ever give up. Ride on, ride on….”

      • Probably gotta join the Positivity Illuminati or something:

        Some kind of cult where they read from the Secret while sipping Yogi tea, and listen to some live band continuously play ambient rain music in the background.

        • brothaskeeper

          Wearing monastery robes and amulets.

          • refslady

            You know this episode was on BET this morning….

  • Mary Burrell

    The consumption of ice cream and pork make me happy. It’s all about the simple things in life for me.

  • Courtney Wheeler

    *Honorable Mention* When your hairstylist is done putting in/styling your brand new sew in….

    Lord knows I am!

    http://stream1.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs1/1239718_o.gif

    • Tee

      That moment when you’re about to get your hair washed at the salon. I hardly go to the salon but when I do….. getting a wash makes me the happiest person in the world.

      • Courtney Wheeler

        Oh god…when they scratch your scalp….heaven

        • Tee

          Pure heaven.

        • Kas

          Almost makes me wish I was still getting s-curls. Almost but not quite.

          • Tambra

            Just do it.

          • Courtney Wheeler

            http://pics.drugstore.com/prodimg/444584/220.jpg

            We all have a cousin that looks like this man…

            • brothaskeeper

              Pretty Ricky what they called him.

          • Brass Tacks

            S-Curls need to make a comeback in some form or fashion. I was thing of turning my ‘hawk into an S curled version.

            • Tambra

              You know some things need to stay dead.

              • Brass Tacks

                Let ya Soul Glo in the new Millenia, Tambra.

                • Tambra

                  Sure. After you kind sir!

              • Abby

                Dead and buried.

          • Jennifer

            Pictures or it didn’t happen.

          • Abby

            Please don’t.

  • Ess Tee

    The genius-ness of the shade in Honorable Mention #5, tho.

    • Courtney Wheeler

      My sisters boyfriend was never a idiot…more like a giant dork. haha

    • Brass Tacks

      I don’t have a sister so my initial thoughts were: if you only knew what your sister was doing to him when you were not around harshing all the chex vibes, you would understand why he was so happy.

      • Ess Tee

        So happy, brotha sticking his head out the window as she drives the car.

        • Brass Tacks

          Man lissen.

          You don’t know joy till she gets you right before you meet her folks.

          Have you in her parents house doing the dishes and cleaning out the gutters.

    • Kas

      My sister has never had a boyfriend who at some point I wasn’t tempted to take a bat to.

      • Ess Tee

        But she loves/loved him, Kas!

        • Kas

          Meh.

          • Ess Tee

            lol

  • Val

    All of the people in big pharma commercials. Despite the fact that they’re talking about some sort of horrible affliction and the gross side-effects of the cheerily named medicine that will cure it, they are all smiling and just so happy.

    I really, really hate those commercials.

    • Tee

      They make having Hep C look so good.

      • Tambra

        What about ED? I am trying to imagine what they will come up with if they can figure out a pill cure for Vaginismus.

        • Tee

          Yeesh. All I can think about are the side effects.

          • Tambra

            Well these people are always smiling despite the 3 million side effects all of which seem very fatal.

      • Cleojonz

        Don’t they though? I was kind of mad that the majority were people of color. They even had a Native American looking woman in that commercial.

        • Tee

          Always people of color.

      • rahshedah

        Right? The new shortened name Hep C makes it sound all cool and stuff. Like it’s no big deal.

    • Brass Tacks

      Puss and blood dripping from your paynus.

      No worries, life gets better.

      • (0_o)

        • Brass Tacks

          Jus sayin

          • To be fair, the side effects of my acne meds have me sick as dog but I value clear skin more than I care about lightheadedness and violent nausea

            • Kas

              Better to look good than to feel good is my personal motto.

              • That’s what I try to convince myself of in the mornings….still working on actually believing that

            • Brass Tacks

              The price we pay to stay beautiful.

              Just know, I acknowledge and support your efforts, Ruby!

              (Please don’t tell, Malik).

              • Stay? I’m just trying to get to pretty *slides slowly down the nearest wall*

                • Brass Tacks

                  *Squints at Avi*

                  If you don’t hush, woman! lol

                  • Smokescreens and filters and lies is what I’m selling in this avi.

                    • Brass Tacks

                      *Swings at the air.*

                      LIES!!! VSS frustrate me to know end.

                      I’m about to take my talents back to VladTv

                    • I’m ugly in real life. Ask Malik. I be on Skype with rollers and my bonnet looking hit all the time.

                    • Brass Tacks

                      Rollers and Bonnets have never had any negative effects on my libido.

                      I honestly don’t how that concept even works.

                    • -h.h.h.-

                      since its cool to lie on Mondays, i just won megamillions. $80 milly, i got you on school fees…just shake it fast and watch ya self

                    • *side eye*

                    • Tambra

                      When was this rule instituted?

                    • -h.h.h.-

                      its in the Fine Print of the Sokovia Accords.

                      #TeamIronman

                      side note, i really need an extended lunch.

                      http://media.thedailytouch.com/2013/10/Lazy-Person.gif

                    • Tambra

                      Ok. carry on.

                    • Brass Tacks

                      Thank you, 3H.

            • Simone-Elise Charles

              Girl. The acne meds and the bipolar meds got a sister pretty and happy…… and sand dunes in my mouth. So dry. Happy and dry

              • Listen, I ain’t even got to the pretty stage yet lol

                • Simone-Elise Charles

                  Beg to differ, cuz the avi I’m seeing is hot

              • cakes_and_pies

                My retiin A and anti-depressants have me on cloud 9.
                It feels like my face is on fire when I smile, but I’m sticking with it.

            • Detroit Skater

              sorry to laugh, but fun-nay! got tired of acne meds and tried ACV. had a sista’s cystic acne clear in less than 2wks. 2tbs of ACV with 2tbs of juice (100%) twice a day….just sharing ?

      • brothaskeeper

        Just rub some dirt on it.

        • Tambra

          Well a little dirt never killed no one.

          • Val

            God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt! That;s what we used to say as kids when someone dropped their food on the ground and was deciding if they should still eat it or not. Lol

            • Tambra

              ” Wha nah kill does fatten, wha nah fatten does rotten”

        • Val

          Clay dirt. It cures everything.

          • Kas

            Bonus, in a pinch, you can eat it.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Explain.

              • Val

                According to the old folks and Hoteps, you can eat clay dirt. I think it’s supposed to be good for your digestion.

                • I just wanna know who was out here testing dirt out to see if it was edible in the first place.

                  • Val

                    A very hungry person?

                  • Tambra
                  • Kas

                    Ask a Haitian (no shade intended towards Haitians)

                    • Tambra

                      See why poverty is a Crime.

                  • refslady

                    I always wanted to know how I would recognize a craving for dirt. I mean, I know when I want tea, I know when I want ice cream and I know when I want ribs — but dirt??

                    • Tambra

                      I guess like how you crave for say red velvet cake, or an ice cold Sam Adams.

                    • refslady

                      I crave what I’ve tasted and enjoyed. If I had never tasted dirt, how would I develop the desire??

                    • Tambra

                      I guess it hits you just like so.

                • MsSula

                  Full disclosure: I am Hotep-adjacent.
                  However, clay in certain areas are full of minerals and can help supplement when the food supply is lacking.

                  • Val

                    I never said it wasn’t true. Lol Old people know stuff.

                • ChokeOnThisTea

                  Not so. My grandma used to eat it back in the day when she was pregnant with my youngest auntie. Allwgedly, poor Aunt Dot came out the womb covered in it. Allegedly.

                  • Tambra

                    I’ve heard pregnancy cravings are strong and weird.

                    • Ess Tee

                      My mother apparently had this craving while pregnant with me. It’s supposedly something to do with iron deficiency. (Similar to eating ice.)

                    • Tambra

                      Ok. Never knew the cause. I had a cousin who through out her pregnancy used to crave breadfruit. She use to clap her behind as she expressed her cravings. Her daughter had 2 big birthmarks on her behind when she was born.

                    • KMN

                      My mom ate TWO rabbits when she was pregnant with me, every week on Saturdays. I currently have a rabbits foot on top of my left butt cheek…I’m planning on tatting a chain to it lol
                      I also have rabbit-esque features…but I can see that happening.

                    • Love thyself

                      Yes in the medical field a strong craving for non-food items is called pica and results from mineral deficiency including iron, magnesium and chromium. The latter minerals are major reasons us ladies crave sugary, starchy foods during during menses.

                      P-lease
                      I-ndulge
                      C-raving
                      A-ASAP

                      Etched it in my memory real good.

                    • Ess Tee

                      Pica! That’s exactly what she called it.

                    • KMN

                      I had a cousin that ate flour and corn starch during both pregnancies…ugh…
                      All I wanted was big macs and all the meat…ALL the meat lmao

                    • IlikeHotCheetos

                      My mom worked with 2 ladies like that. Slurping corn starch from a box. ?

                    • KMN

                      ew lmao…I can’t even…I’m not even a fan of corn starch thickening gravy like that much less eating it straight from the box…I’m so glad I ha normal meat cravings lmao

                    • IlikeHotCheetos

                      Yeah, idk what that’s about. It doesn’t even taste like nothin!

                    • KMN

                      EXACTLY!!! I mean it’s good in a PINCH when I don’t want extra flour taste in gravy and need to thicken it up but when I use it it reminds me of Chinese food gravy or that fake mess they sell in the stores lol

                    • IlikeHotCheetos

                      ??? SMDH.

                    • Love thyself
                    • KMN

                      YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS!!!! LMAO

                    • Love thyself

                      Lmao!!!

                    • Mary Burrell

                      Shaved ice

                    • Love thyself

                      I have coworkers that keep a cup full of shaved ice.

                    • Abby

                      That’s what I heard. I used to eat dirt as a child–I still remember the taste. Mineral deficiency/weird kid? Six of one…

                  • Val

                    I have no idea what to say to that. Lol

                  • Kas

                    Eff that allegedly. We family here. We will cosign that tale and fight anyone who say it ain’t so.

                    • Tambra

                      Calm down Kas

                  • L8Comer

                    Sounds like pica (sp). When you’re anemic, common in pregnancy, you crave dirt, coal, ice, detergent

                    • ChokeOnThisTea

                      I don’t know if she ate it as a result of pregnancy cravings or poverty. I always heard black people ate it back in the day if they couldn’t afford food.

                    • L8Comer

                      Leave it to poor black folks to find a way to make do with nothing. I bet it has some minerals or something. My mom told me that in the bush / country they used to put spiderwebs on open cuts or wounds… turns out it has some healing / binding properties that promote healing… I wanna say fibrinogen? Coulda made that word up tho. Also something about picking the rust off of dutch ovens to eat… cause iron content is high.

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  Well…to those who do it…godspeed to them. Cause I can’t.

                • Mary Burrell

                  Cackles

              • Brass Tacks

                In Ga, the red clay was known to be soo good. That they would literally eat it.

                #facts

                • RewindingtonMaximus

                  I have definitely learned something new today

                  • Brass Tacks

                    Yea. My mom would tell us about it, and my brother and I would be like… really? But she swore by it.

                    She says she wouldn’t do it now because the way water pollution is set up.

                    • RewindingtonMaximus

                      Well yea this aint the 50s & 60s anymore, I’m more than sure it’s toxic in this parts

              • Kas
        • Cleojonz

          Put some windex on it.

          • brothaskeeper

            Cleo, I didn’t know you were Greek. LoL

            • Cleojonz

              LOL. I live in a very multicultural area :)

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Throw some Robitussin on there

    • brothaskeeper

      “Side effects include: loss of teeth, jaundice, a n a l prolapse, shrinkage of nipples, appreciation for Wale, and death.”

      • Val

        But those side-effects doesn’t stop them from selling their half-baked drugs.

        • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

          I agree.

      • cancergirl08

        “appreciation for Wale”
        aw, man!

      • PriceIsRightHorns

        The risperdal lawsuit commercial is the worst. “If you’re a boy who has grown breasts as a result of taking risperdal…”

        • brothaskeeper

          Da fack? And WEED is harmful. Tuh.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        That Wale shade…………..Wale tho

      • orchid921
    • Cleojonz

      They think they’re slick sliding in that LONG list of nasty side effects like DEATH with the happiest music ever lol.

    • Lol, I can’t lie…the fact that these work, especially viagra-ish commercials, never ceases to amaze me. Smiling Bob is still one of the greatest (as in worst of all time):

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxBbT_j-4p4

      • Tambra

        Robot much?

      • Ger Wil

        The dag on whistle song too!!

        • Lol, honestly, I’m relunctantly impressed, at how much racial innuendo was fit into one minute of video.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      They smile even though the commercial for the flu says the pills will give you b u t t cancer.

      It’s so refreshing.

    • Junegirl627

      yessss to this!!! the pharma rep used to call before showing up to ask us what we wanted for lunch during their UNSCHEDULED visit.

    • Dougie

      folks that have herpes and run in grass fields are SOOOO happy.

  • 1.) Me after I drop off my baby cousins to their biological parental units.
    2.) Me when Chipotle has a BOGO promoion that I can partake of
    3.) Me when my blow out and press lasts me a full week

  • Tee

    CarMax got a ton of happy folks. I love CarMax tho; bought my last car there and I won’t go anywhere else.

  • Brass Tacks

    The good folks that work at Chick Fil A.

    I be like: All I ordered was a grilled chicken sandwich, some waffle fries, and a lemonade.

    So why do I feel like I should be leaving y’all a tip.

    • Tee

      I feel so special when I go to Chick Fil A.
      Got me like:
      http://www.kappit.com/img/pics/201501_1320_ccade_sm.jpg

    • I’ve never had an issue at this establishment ever! I love them so much.

      • Tee

        Same. You can order 20 different sauces and they’ll get it right. And they give out free hand sanitizer wipes. Can’t get that at BK or Mickey D’s.

        • Even if they mess it up they’ll offer you their first born child as compensation for your trouble! Idk what their hiring process is like but they only hire sane teenagers and train them extremely well.

          • Brandon Allen

            They beat them with bamboo sticks in the back.

            • Gbadebo

              ….while screaming scripture in their face and blasting Nickelback loudly, just below the point of actual physical ear pain.

          • HouseOfBonnets

            True story: A former employee came in during a summer afternoon rush and caused a defcon level 5 commotion (She shoved a poor girl down to the ground). After resolving the commotion they came directly to my table to apologize and offered my boys(who were unphased because waffle fries) a free ice cream cone…..We have been fans ever since.

          • IwanttobeaRizpah

            Lmaoo!! Rubyyyyyyy you trippin.

          • inYOface

            Investment in their people!

    • BrownBearBear

      Honorable mention: In n’ Out. Same feels. We just getting Chick Fil A round these parts. And they’re usually not somewhere you want to be.

    • brothaskeeper

      I was about to say! They’re like the lollipop guild!

    • A.G.

      Trader Joe’s too. My local one has amazing employees. I’ve gotten free flowers and chocolate before.

      • Ess Tee

        Trader Joe’s really does have some friendly folks working there.

        • A.G.

          Yes and the prices are so cheap!!! Good feelings all around.

        • Question

          That’s cuz they’re getting benefits. #JusSayin.

      • Medium Meech

        Yeah, same thing happened with my pre-paid lawyer.Turns out she was dating one of the workers and he just hasn’t told you yet. Congrats.

        • A.G.

          O_o hahaha!!

    • KNeale

      I worked at chick fil a in high school and have mixed feelings. Of course I was forced to say “my pleasure” and that was aggravating. But my many years of experience poisoning my body with fast food has shown me that no other company focuses on customer service like those homophobes do. And its a shame. Everybody needs to prioritize customer service like them fools. But at the same time fugg them cuz I hated working there.

      • IwanttobeaRizpah

        I don’t think there is anybody who likes working at a fast food place.

    • Helga G.Pataki

      I had already ordered in the drive thru when I realized I didn’t have my wallet. Those blessed hands at Chick Fil A gave me my food for free and still said my pleasure! I wept over those waffle fries that day.

    • AshAlly08

      Is it cause they don’t work Sundays? I’ve been wondering for awhile now why is it that Chick Fil A employees are always so happy to serve me my 3-piece tenders, waffle fries and frosted lemonade?? You go to McDonald’s, Burger King, Taco Bell, Wendy’s and it’s a 50-50 chance that you’ll get an employee(s) with a bad attitude. They don’t even get salty when I ask for 3-4 packets of that Chick Fil A sauce. Sometimes they give me 5-6 packets, while wearing a smile!

  • Steve Harvey on pay day, or him just buying a new suit.

    https://m.popkey.co/9c4970/eLN8Q.gif

    • Tee

      This is actually me on pay day. Getting paid once a month sucks to me.

      • Ille Jay

        Teacher?

        • Tee

          No. Contractor.

          • Ille Jay

            There are others… We Cry Together!! (Did)

          • Mr. Mooggyy

            I worked for a contractor that did the same thing! It sucked for the first couple months! Then you get used to it!

      • MsSula

        Reality for the rest of the world. How I miss my biweekly paychecks. Le Sigh.

        • I dread the day I’ll actually start working for an organization that has me on a monthly payroll :-(

          • MsSula

            You will be surprised how common it is around the world. Le Sigh.

            • I currently temp for the state and all full time employmees are on that monthly payroll. Some of my coworkers are hurt by week 2 of the month.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        Once a month?

        Are they holding you hostage? Do you want me to call the National Guard?

      • cakes_and_pies

        It is the worst. I’ve been doing it for 14 years and I still hate it. I stopped paying everything at the beginning of the month because it was making me anxious.

    • HouseOfBonnets

      accurate

      • brothaskeeper

        Accriate*

        • HouseOfBonnets

          I see what you did there lol

  • (Honorable mention: Dogs riding in cars with the windows down)

    This has to be number one. I’ve never seen another living thing showing as much joy as dog with its head out the window, mouth agape, and tongue wagging.

    • IwanttobeaRizpah

      Agree!!!!!!!!

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