Theory & Essay

The Guilty Chronicles, Volume 1

Seriously, tha'ts not me.

It was 1993. I was in middle school.

Kids can be cruel? Absolutely. In 1993, it was my turn to be cruel. But understand, it wasn’t my fault. I lost a bet and it was either do my job or get laughed at. So I chose to do my job.

Here’s some backstory though.

In 1993, I was in 8th grade. Yes, that makes me older than you. But so what, you can’t whip my arse! Anyway, back then I was that kid everybody hated. Not because I was a bad person, but because I was “that” dude. I was on all the sports teams (basketball, cross country, track-n-field), got straight A’s, and was the student government president.

I was also like 4’11″. Real talk, I didn’t grow until my junior year of high school. I thought I was going to be a midget. This was a very real fear. It didn’t turn out to be reality but I still can’t dunk a basketball. Thanks mom.

Anyway, there was a young lady who came to my school JUST for her 8th grade year. We’ll call her Sonia. That’s not her name. But it is today. I don’t remember much about Sonia short of her jheri curl. And I only remember that because she smelled like activator. That’s not a dis or a shot, it’s just the truth. It was the kind of curl that almost made you want to light a math to see if it was as flammable as you thought. Poor Sonia, jheri curl, glasses, and pretty sizeable gap in her front two teeth.

For the record, I don’t think a gap is a bad thing. In fact, I think it builds character. Word that up. The look just doesn’t work for everybody. Word that up too.

Anyway, Sonia took a shining to yours truly. I’m not sure why, but she wanted to lay her curl on my pillow…something that I just was not feeling. At all. But she liked me. Awwww.

Well, Sonia ALSO (along with her curl) had some pretty consistently stank mouth. I tried not to pay it too much attention but we sat near each other in Math class. Point is, I got firsthand accounts and experience in her mouth.

Pause.

Or not pause.

Well, one day I made a bet with some other chicks in our math class. I don’t remember the bet at all. Not even a little bit. I do remember that the loser had to give Sonia a pack of breathmints at the SGA party we had going on later that night. I lost.

This presented a bit of difficulty for me seeing as I viewed Sonia as a friend. And she liked me. And here I had to be the bearer of bad news at a public event no doubt. You see where this is going right?

Later on in that evening the party gets going. The sounds of Vanilla Ice and Color Me Badd rock the auditorium when I decide to make my move. See, back then, I had to save face. I couldn’t just get punked into NOT calling somebody out on their bad breath. Oh, how shortsighted was I.

At the party I pulled Sonia into a corner where everybody could see us and then I pulled out the breathmints and gave them to her. In the entire realm of my life, that is one day I felt truly terrible to embarass somebody who did nothing wrong ever.

In the coming weeks and months, we didn’t talk much. She never let that go and I can’t blame her. She just quietly seethed towards me with her jheri curl causing a water hazard all around her desk.

In the most random twist of fate ever, I saw her in Huntsville, Alabama one day. My sister and I ventured to the local military base and upon walking into the door, there was Sonia. Still the same height, still rocking a jheri curl. And that last part is still true.

She recognized me right away and we struck up a short but awkward conversation. In fact, she was so shook that when I asked her what she was doing in Alabama, she told me that she was taking classes at the University of Georgia Tech. To this day I still can’t find any school labeled as such. My little sister immediately busted out laughing.

And I feel bad. I truly wish I’d handled that situation differently, but apparently it wasn’t in me to do so. I embarassed the hell out of this girl for no good reason.

But its in the past so the only thing that I can do is not mess with women with jheri curls.

I have no idea what she’s doing now but I”m guessing it involves DeVry. Which is totally great! Yeah. Okay. Alright.

Anyway, I shared that story to say that I’m learning that I need to say “I’m sorry”. She doesn’t read this blog so she’s short. But maybe one day she will and she’ll come across this post.

I needed to come clean. For the children. I’m sorry Sonia.

So good folks of VSB, what do you feel guilty for doing or do you need to say “I’m sorry” for? I know you got soul.

P.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. MY BAD HOMIE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • nillalatte

    Was this a “Flat Line” moment for you PJ?

    • nillalatte

      I regret things from time-to-time that I’ve done to myself like not educating myself better or managing my life better, but overall, I can’t think of a time (at this time) when I’ve intentionally done something to embarrass someone. Maybe because I was the target of a lot of ridicule and knew how it felt to be put in that position, and therefore I attempt to avoid making others feel that way.

      One night I was talking to a friend and he was telling me about watching American Idol auditions. He was laughing at folks who probably knew damn well they couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, but got on television making a fool of themselves. I just can’t. I can’t watch people purposely embarrass themselves. I makes me uncomfortable.

      He shared a story with me of when he was in elementary school and got on the bus to go to school. He was sitting in a seat by himself and a little girl got on the bus. He said he moved over for her to sit down, but instead she looked at him and said, “You’re fat and ugly and no one will ever love you.” To this day this man still recalls this moment in his life, knows the name of the girl, and he’s damn near 50 years old!

      It’s interesting what some folks never are able to let go of because it had such an impact on their being.

      • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

        “I just can’t. I can’t watch people purposely embarrass themselves. I makes me uncomfortable.”

        Me too. I didn’t mind watching the ones on American Idol that were so bad that they knew it. It was the ones that didn’t know it that made me uncomfortable.

        • Latonya

          Yep me too. It like watching someone going down the stairs and then missing that one step then that person rumbling and tumbling down the stair. Just uncomfortable and entertaining.

      • Juiciest Mango

        Queen,

        I know you say you are uncomfortable, BUT, I urge you to watch this…..*tears*!!
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vv0wO5vxZ-g&feature=related

        Hiya VAL!!

        • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

          Hiya, AM!

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          That was…horrible. She makes William Hung sound like Pavarotti. What makes it worse is that she’s cute too.

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

        “Maybe because I was the target of a lot of ridicule and knew how it felt to be put in that position, and therefore I attempt to avoid making others feel that way.”

        Nillalatte? The target of ridicule? Say it ain’t so…

      • Rewind

        I can’t do it either. I cringe anytime I see an embarassing moment on tv or a movie. Even though I know it is fake. I can handle dudes getting hit in the balls on Youtube but I can’t watch an awkward love scene or people getting caught doing something wrong. Probably the same reasons as you, because my whole life is built on people making fun of me.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        I can watch to a point. At some point I do get anxious and whatnot for them and just go commit a crime to erase the vulnerability i felt coming on.

      • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

        This is how I feel about freestyle battles. I’m afraid someone will be horrible and I anticipate the ridicule. I’m forced to leave the circle.

    • The F.acially U.nappealing C.hicago K.id?

      “Was this a “Flat Line” moment for you PJ?”

      You ain’t slick! We know you only said this so you can secure the first post, without actually saying “First”. I’m on to you!

      • Iceprincess2

        @Nilla That story bout the kids on the bus reminds me of when that girl pimp slapped Champ lmao. I wonder does she look back at that moment with regret like P does….

        • Sweet GA Brown

          BOL. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Dayum!

      • nillalatte

        LOL I read the post dammit! U just mad. :P

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      naw. just something that dawned on me while driving in a car and picking a flower. i was like…man, that was f*cked up. lol. i’d tell you what inspired it for real, but then I’d have to murder your turtle.

      • Nanee

        Good thing I don’t love my turtle…

  • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

    I don’t feel guilty about the bad things I’ve done because in my mind they were either A) for the greater good or B) to serve a purpose.
    Por ejemplo: A guy I was seeing lead me on for months and months. A new girl came into his life and I abruptly introduced her to a friend of mine who was, in all ways better than old boy (just not my type) and watched him go through self-doubt and self-esteem issues. It was great.

    I do regret a lot of “sport dating” I did though, and if I could I would apologize to both dudes I dated briefly just to not be lonely and to prove I could date if I really wanted to. Cause that was kinda mean on my part.

    Other than that? No guilt. Thug life, baby.

    • Justmetheguy

      Well Dayum! Never judge a book by its cover I see lol, nah but selfishness is just a part of life, some ppl u just don’t feel as guilty about doin that way tho real talk. I like ur style tho

      • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        Now I’m curious about what my cover says and sh*t.

        But thank you. :)

        • http://www.twitter.com/mcnairian5 Fiveisthenumber

          “Sport Dating” huh? SMH.

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

            That’s new for me. I’ve heard of sport f*cking- not that I have participated in it, of course…

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              *directs PA to SwingLifestyle.com* Try it…you might like it. Plus in the South, there are a lot of women with a fetish for us. *cackle*

              • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

                Nasty ass, LMAO!!!!

          • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

            “Sport dating,” yes. Mostly to prove a point and have someone fawn over me for awhile. It was never really real on my part, I just wanted to be wanted for awhile. I admit and accept that, and if I were still accepting those random ass calls from NC, I may just run into one of them by phone and apologize…

            Ahh, well.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              I don’t know if I’ve been the victim of “sport dating” but I’ve definitel been the Plan B dude who really wanted the A slot but was too caught up to fall back so I gave her all the attention she needed while she kept dealign with a dude who didn’t want her.

              i was dumb then.

              then i became a motherf*cking pimp.

              • http://www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

                *raises pimp cup*
                Sho muthafcukin’ right.

              • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

                *curtsies to Pimp Panama*

                • http://www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

                  Can I get a curtsy too?

                  • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

                    *deep curtsy to Mr. SoBo*

                    • http://www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

                      ^^ See that folks? Simps take notes.
                      Virtual pimpery at its finest.

              • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

                I don’t think there’s any greater feeling (hush) than when you do away with the nonsense and become a p*i*m*p

        • Sandpaper

          Your cover says that you are one of the few who deserves to be on a pedestal. You’re still gazing down at the masses as far as I’m concerned.

          • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

            #thatgame

          • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

            For someone named Sandpaper, you’re mighty smooth :)

            Thank you.

            • Londa

              Dang. I need a like button right about now. Both Sandpaper’s comment and your reply deserve it.

  • Cheech

    I got to apologize to every girl i met from 2002-2004 and from 2009-2011. I was in an asshole phase both times and the first time my cousin taught me how to “handle” girls so whoops lol. 2009-2011 One bad breakup and it just drained the kindness out of me. so to all those girls that I ‘insulted’ as we hooked up and didn’t reciprocate feelings and other things….Sorry!!!!

    • Jess

      Cues…. Ruben Studdard’s Sorry For 2004

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

        Or Jay-Z’s “Song Cry”…

      • Asiyah

        LOL Ruben Studdard!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      When you say you “got to” does that mean you did it, or that you need to?

      • Cheech

        it means I need to for most of them because i’ve seen two of them that I can remember

  • The F.acially U.nappealing C.hicago K.id?

    Never been a bully, never been bullied before. However, there is only one thing in my entire life that, in hindsight, I sorta feel guilty about. It was back in 2011 and I was in Basic Training for the Marine Corps. There was this short white guy who was the same age (21) as me. He was extremely nice, but also excruciatingly naive and nerdy. When I say he perfectly fit the definition of the stereotypical nerd, I mean it. However, the nerd thing wasn’t an issue. We were all nerdy in some form. After all, I am talking about a bunch of men who, at one point, literally hid in the bathroom from the Drill Instructers for 4 hours, the entirety (when I say “entirety”, I mean this literally also) of which was spent talking about what we’d do in a zombie apocalypse.

    The issue was his virginity. Not that he was still a virgin, we didn’t care. It was the outlandish lies he told in order to conceal it. I don’t remember what he said, I just remember having a different story each time he was asked.

    To be continued….

    • The F.acially U.nappealing C.hicago K.id?

      Part 2….

      So about 5 of us, who was just chilling in the whiskey locker (the room where the cleaning supplies are kept) called him (let’s him Wesker) over to ask him questions about the female anatomy. Very simple questions. My friend drew a picture of a vagina and asked Wesker to circle where the peen goes. Wesker’s response was that he didn’t take any advanced biology classes in high school. My friends started dying laughing. I kept a straight face and feigned as if I was on his (Wesker’s) side and commented that it was okay. The basic knowledge of the female genitalia ranks right up there with Chaos Theory Math and Quantum Mechanics in terms of difficulty. Wesker believed me, this not only induced more laughter, but brought everyone else in our platoon over to the whiskey locker to enjoy the spectacle.

      Still trying to see how long he’d keep lying to us about being a virgin, we started making up incipid sex position names and asked if he’d done them. Which he eagerly replied yes to.

      To be continued…

      • Justmetheguy

        Lmao! Man please stop toyin wit us. Just finish the story lol

        • The F.acially U.nappealing C.hicago K.id?

          Lol, I’m not toying with you. As I said before, I use my PS3 to post, which has a character limit. Which is why you always see me post like only 2, maybe 3 (if they’re short) paragraphs. Because my PS3 literally won’t let me type anymore.

          Which sucks because on a lot of topics, I want to post a Obsidian/Black Medici length post, but can’t. So I have to compress like 10 paragraphs into 2, meaning I end up skipping a bunch of key points/leaving out a lot of details in my response because I’m trying to stay within the limit. It gets annoying when I want to make lengthier posts, like this one.

        • Iceprincess2

          @Jmtg I had went to yall blog, but I didn’t see anywhere to leave a comment…

          • Justmetheguy

            Iceprincess, say whaaaaa? Jay u hear that? What da problem is?

    • The F.acially U.nappealing C.hicago K.id?

      Part 3…continued

      Then (we had been making fun of this dude for about 2 hours at this point), we started asking him for sex advice. This went on for a while, which ended in Wesker teaching us how to lick a cl!toris, funny seeing as how he didn’t know what it was until 2 hours ago. One of my friends told Wesker that we needed a visual aide and to pretend that the tip of his index finger (the friend’s) was a cl!toris. So Wesker literally proceeded to lick the tip of another man’s index finger, in front of most of the platoon (the rest were cleaning the bathrooms).

      This was so hilarious, that I sent one of my friends to go get the rest of the platoon cleaning the bathroom. When they got to the whiskey locker, we told Wesker to do it again, and he did. In front of everyone. Everyone burst into raucous laughter, including myself who, up until that point, had contained myself pretty well (I was told I should’ve won an Oscar). After that we all thanked Wesker, left him alone, and went on about our day.

      Fin…..

      • chameleonic

        so you outed your fellow nerd for being gay?

        your first paragraph though, thats so cool!! when im a homeowner im gonna have a WHOLE ROOM dedicated to zpoc books and toys and movie collections and games and action figures and weapons and its gonna be totally awesome. but i wish you would do longer comments because i love when people are long winded because i can zone out and come into their world.

        • The F.acially U.nappealing C.hicago K.id?

          Lol, no, he wasn’t gay. He was straight, it’s just that he lied about being a virgin, when he didn’t have to. However, as I said, he was very naive, so he didn’t even realize we were making fun of him. He legit thought he was helping us by giving us “sex advice” and such. Which is why, although I feel slightly (very very slighty) bad about what we did, I don’t think it’s that big a deal because he wasn’t embarrassed. He didn’t get his feelings hurt or anything. He was laughing his azz off as well. He was just under the impression that we were laughing with him. No harm, no foul.

          • chameleonic

            you know, when i was younger [strikethrough fail] and still to this day [html fail] i was too naive to tell when a guy wanted to have sex with me, so all my guy friends would mess with me and laugh about it amongst themselves — infront of my face. i thought they were just being friendly so im all….”yeah SURE, ill check the length of your p*nis for grey hairs using this special grey highlighting oil.” i laughed really hard saying that (it never happened) and i laugh thinking about how i was really being goofed with about how innocent and naive i was. it doesnt bother me per se but overtime id get an inkling, then id start realizing, then id start being aware. like oh, OH! geez. and then id be slightly upset bc they let me walk around like that around guys i didnt know. its almost like your buddies not telling you that theres spinach in your teeth so they start making jokes in popeyes voice. once you figure it out youre KIND of upset cuz you had spinach teeth but its still hella funny how your friends busted your balls about it.

    • Aly

      “…talking about what we’d do in a zombie apocalypse.”

      Please expound. *prepares to take notes*

      • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        Rule 1) Keep around children and the elderly, but feed them the least; bait doesn’t need too much of your supply.
        Rule 2) You don’t have to be the fastest. You just have to be faster than one ally/enemy.
        Rule 3) Learn one weapon really well, two if you can. Make sure that the weapon doesn’t need a whole lot of ammo that’ll be hard to find.
        Rule 4) If you love them, and they’ve been bitten, shoot them in the head; a zombie pet sounds all well and good and then your jugular’s ripped out in the middle of the night.

        • Aly

          *nodding head* This sounds about right. Looks like you’re ready for the impending zombie apocalypse Tes.

  • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.WordPress.com maris

    **rediculously random, but I used to sell encyclopedias door too door.
    And I always said I was going to Georgia Tech.
    Maybe she met me and thought it was a swell idea.
    And don’t fret, in ’93 i was in high school.

    • Breezy

      In 93 I graduated high school.

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

        All y’all old ass motherf*ckers, LMAO!!!

        • Asiyah

          PA you’re “old” too lol

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

            I am refined, not old- there is a difference, thank you very much, LOL!

      • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        In 93 I was in law school. I win.

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

          *starts doing math on a napkin*

          • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

            I’m old enough to be your mama.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          Fogey! That’s what I get for messing with old women. ;)

    • Rewind

      You sold encyclopedias?

      Jesus what is this 1945?

      Because if it is….thank you for being hot after all this time.

      • http://www.BlackLatinaFabulous.wordpress.com Maris

        My real portrait is in the attic.

        • Rewind

          That’s the theme of a horror movie waiting to happen.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      if you sold them, my parents probably bought them. lol

      • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

        2 sets

    • Asiyah

      Maris you look my age! I’m 28. You seriously don’t look a day over 30. MashAllah.

      • sincereluv4life

        I know you look gorgeous girl! I thought she was mid 20′s. I wanna be like u when I grow up lol

        • Asiyah

          Me toooooo

      • http://www.BlackLatinaFabulous.wordpress.com Maris

        Thank ya kindly!! I’m only 33, five years only ages a person that drastically when you’re the President.

  • Anastasia!!!

    I had a close friendship with a guy named Josh back in middle school. I had a crush on him, but we actually had a very sweet functioning relationship.

    Fast forward 8 years, and we re-connect over the phone. I was living in CA and he in SC. We had a beautiful phone relationship. I found out about his life in the past almost decade, and things he was dealing with (like alcoholism(!!!)) and I felt like our phone conversations were really helping him. We developed a pretty regular convo schedule – Probably like once a week. Later in the year, He was deployed to Afghanistan and asked me to call him before he left because he really needed to talk before going overseas.

    He gave me a date. I let it come and go. And that’s it.

    I can’t find him now. And I’ve tried to find him through his brother and stuff, but I think he might have been killed. I don’t know. I think about him often. He was very special to me. And I’m sorry about that. I think he needed me and I didn’t come through. So there’s that.

    • Justmetheguy

      Lesson here, don’t flake on dates or lie to ppl…not to b a a Richard or anything. Not blamin u. I feel for u, that sux. I just hope u had a decent reason for not showin up…not that u could’ve seen that comin or anything. Tough situation, my condolences

    • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

      Wow.

    • Latonya

      Awww how sad.

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Yeah. There’s no reason to say much more. It’s clear you get the feeling.

    • Rewind

      I’m sorry to hear that. I got something similiar.

      A young girl I used to know named Christina was someone I met around 21. She was a sweet girl, like 17. Had a crush on me after I gave her some advice when she was going through a tough time. Shortly after, her mom died. She moved away. Kept in touch since she was depressed. A few months after that, her dad died. She then stayed with an uncle and his girlfriend. The girlfriend was very mean to her. A year later, her uncle died. At this point, this girl is losing it. All these family members passed away, and she had nowhere else to go. A family friend let her stay with them. At that point, I was going through some extreme shyte myself and stopped calling her or accepting her calls. I didn’t mean too, but I just didn’t want to talk to anyone, I needed to be left alone. Then I lost my phone and lost her #. Never heard from her again.

      I’m aware it wasn’t my responsibility to take care of her or anything but I could just tell we did have a bond and I couldn’t handle it in comparison to my own problems. I had totally forgot about her until last week while talking to my girl.

      • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

        Chances are she’s doing okay and will always appreciate your friendship, Rewind.

        • Rewind

          Val always has the sweetest things to say

  • chameleonic

    wait…..are you lying? this story is all over the place? why would she be at a military base in alabama….because she goes to….GEORGIA tech?…..and then the school doesnt exist? i think its cool you were THAT guy though because i was THAT girl (sans sports and cp but with jocky friends). i wish there was a black guy in the schools i went to that had it on lock like that because even though i never ran for official positions, i always got cool with every crowd so i had a lot of influence and sway when it came to student gov. it was ALWAYS a preppy white guy president. in hindsight it was cool but now i just feel sad cuz i feel like i missed out on having black friends that were just like me. im gonna be a g though and not admit how emotionally affected i am by a black guy getting straight a’s……

    moving on to stuff i feel guilty about…..

    i feel guilty for being naturally gifted because it makes people feel awkward. i also used to be afraid of being naturally gifted because people who were envious were rather cruel to me. even my family. and that was just a land of suckfest. from childhood to young adult years i always felt like i had to stifle and cripple myself around people because id feel guilt for accomplishing stuff with little to no effort.

    once upon a time i felt guilty for being stern towards people. i felt like if i am all this and i have all this and im going for the stars…..and you have nothing? i felt bad. id take so much sh*t from people just because i had everything and i didnt want to make them feel less than because i knew they already felt it. but i really did turn those feelings into philanthropy and altruism and i prided myself on being the champion for the little guy.

    nowadays? not so much.

    i cant stand the very people i once supported because i realize they expect me to do EVERYTHING. i will belittle you so f*cking fast your neck will snap and youll thank me for it. i do NOT feel guilty about it in any way shape or form and if you try to make me i will hate you, i will be disgusted by you, i will know youre trying to use me or disparage me, and i will leave you so harshly in the cold.

    out of my lifetime thats all ive ever had on my consciensce (sp).

    • chameleonic

      actually, theres two more things i feel guilty for but i think im gonna admit them to myself and let it go…

      • Iceprincess2

        Todd!! Bring your wife’s leftover meds, quick!!

        • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

          ok!

      • Sweet GA Brown

        Spill it girl. Spill it.

        • Breezy

          Ice and Sweet : Please report to the corner!

          Why ya’ll be acting like that with chameleonic doe?!?!? Fa serious this here place, VSB, is her place of refugee and strength and she is looking to the hills from where her strength comes from…wait, wait,wait….wrong place.

          Carry on!

          • Sweet GA Brown

            lol

        • chameleonic

          @ sweet

          lol, when i was born my family split up and a lot of bad sh*t happened so everytime people argue around me i feel guilty. i also try to “fix” everything and people settle in to me being a leader, so now that im not and im pretty sure i have a brain tumor and i cant really do much but sleep, read and throwup, i feel guilty. an 80 year old man is taking care of me. he isnt retiring, he isnt being cared for or looked after, he isnt having cool old people stuff bought for him…. #guilt

          @ breezy

          i wouldnt say vsb is my strength because im not really drawing strength from anywhere. vsb is just a place thats on par and i find it cool and people make me laugh. vsb makes me comfortable….theres blood in my ears and i feel quite faint but TUK sure is funny and a collective amount of females sure can ALMOST say something intelligent.

          • Sweet GA Brown

            Dont feel guilty. You have to feel blessed. If you have someone in your life that can take care of you at that age that is a blessing for you and for them. There is strength and joy in helping others but when you have someone to lean on that can take care of you that it really the moment where you can give thanks. But at hard as it is you have to try not to feel guilty. You have to choose your emotion. Dont choose guilt.

    • Rewind

      I completely understand. I didn’t ask to be this damn smart, this damn talented, or this damn intuitive. It just happened. How was I supposed to know that put me on another level compared to other people?

      But just so you know…you better find a way to purge those emotions out of your system and make peace with yourself. You don’t need to live a lifetime of frustration or regret like I did. It took spending 2 weeks in a room with recovering crackheads to get an idea that I need to be responsibile for me. And I still haven’t fully accepted the lesson. Don’t be like that. Do yourself a favor and learn to move on.

      • chameleonic

        lmao @ how obnoxious and sarcastic that first paragraph sounds but i mean, thats pretty much it. in the words of sweet achilles,” i chose nothing. i was born and this is who i am.”

        it really is that way for me. i was born and who i am is better than most and i have no say or control over that. i do take pride in nurturing myself and perfecting myself and people HATE me for it. it makes me feel bad and i have grown out of feeling like that because it isnt fair to me to be guilt tripped into self hatred, but i still find it hard to just be me. lashing out on people works…..

        eventually ppl adapt and get better and are no longer bothered cuz now theyre just like me. i find it hard to purge emotions of my family. its hard to be around your sisters and you know theyre protecting their kids cuz they love and respect you more. i dont even think i can identify an emotion for that let alone purge it.

        • Rewind

          I know that first paragraph is seriously big-headed of me..but after all I’ve been through, I’ve earned the right to type something like that.

          Your situation is different than mines, but the end result is the same. With that said, I’m just letting you know, you will have to find the issue at hand and deal with it. You might feel you have some control now, but it only gets worse with age because more responsibilities require you to have your shyte together in order to be better off. If you neglect that, it’s not just you that pays the price but those you care for.

          For all of the things I’ve done wrong, one thing I’ve identified is that my problems are my problems. Taking them out on people who aren’t the problem won’t solve anything, and perhaps make things worse. It’s a balance and it is not easy to find, but it is necessary. Lest you want to be the “crazy chick” for the rest of your life.

          • chameleonic

            oh no! dont get me wrong, i liked it. i like when people speak honestly and highly of themselves i just meant if i were to say that i would sound sarcastic in my expression of emotion and people would assume im being obnoxious.

            “woe is me im better than you” but there legit is great suffering in being a great person so, i wasnt saying anything towards you speaking highly of yourself.

            that was some really….like VERY sound advice. im gonna take it to heart and cry about stuff and mull it over. theres a lot of wisdom in that and a lesson its time i learn.

            • Rewind

              I know you was just playing around, it’s all good homie. I just tend to share my revelations with other people because you never know who could actually appreciate it.

              You’re a lot more mindful of things then you let on. That’s really good. It means you’ve matured a lot more than people give you credit for. Pat yourself on the back for that.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      i lied about nothing dammit. lol.

      • chameleonic

        lol. i bet youre just uncomfortable apologizing and SHE was lying, which threw me off. youre still a cutie pie though even if you were a bully! =x

    • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

      Sometimes I feel really guilty about being so fine.

      • chameleonic

        sometimes i pretend to be ugly because it isnt fair to other women how much of a redbone thoroughbred i am. tone down the sexy, give everyone else their shine.

        yeah, i AM wearing sneakers and a tshirt, youre welcome.

        • chameleonic

          no bullsh*t though i actually do feel guilty about my looks.

          • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

            I don’t :p

            • chameleonic

              aaaaaaah, get em. i aint mad atchu though. let me find out you be proudly stuntin on ppl.

            • chameleonic

              thats not awkward for you though?? i always feel really weird and self conscious and insecure. and then i feel guilty cuz a guy will be pushing a baby stroller next to his wife, breaknecking to watch me. and then i feel guilt. or sinful. something akin to ‘its wrong for me to look this way.’

      • Justmetheguy

        You should, stingy muhfugga! All these unfortunate lookin females and u ain’t donate none of ur aesthetic wealth to charity smh

  • msdebbs

    I got made fun of alot in school because I was the chubby one. It never really bothered me much because I would find a flaw on the person that was making fun of me and rank on them too….thanks mom! If she was smart she should I have taken those breathmints and offered you one too….

    • Rewind

      Can we see cute chubby Debbs?

      • msdebbs

        um yea no….those pics are packed away never to be seen.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      she should have.

      i immediately felt like sh*t. i should have listened to my parenting and not been so evil. glad i grew out of that shit.

    • Asiyah

      msdebbs,

      I was made fun of a lot in school for the opposite. You can’t please people.

  • msdebbs

    I got made fun of alot in school because I was the chubby one. It never really bothered me much because I would find a flaw on the person that was making fun of me and rank on them too….thanks mom! If she was smart she should I have taken those breathmints and offered you one too….

    • LeonieUK

      I was the chubby/athletic one, with a ‘S’ curl and a gap and was all of 4’6…But I had big boobs and a bigger mouth.

  • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

    I’ve never been a bully. In fact I’ve always befriended people who were bullied or made fun of because they were awkward, etc. when I was in school. I have a soft spot for strays and off-beat people.

    • Juiciest Mango

      you do Val, you sooooo do!! :)

      • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

        :-)

    • Latonya

      Are you still friend with the one that have been pick on in school? The one that bully me or made fun are now trying to talk to me. And I have to give them the ni@@a please look with a smile.

      • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

        I’m facebook friends with a couple of people that used to get bullied back in school. They both seem to be doing fine these days.

        Sorry to hear you were bullied in school. But, as they say, the best revenge is living well! Lol@ninja please.

    • CrayolaGirl

      Me too. It hurts my heart to see people getting picked on for silly reasons.

    • Kema

      Thanks Val! I knew people like you when I was picked on in school. They were cool enough to hang with the ‘in’ crowd but chose to be my friend.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      You have a soft spot for strays? So…you do like dogs, huh?

    • Rewind

      Val = the sweetheart

      So when Val finally goes off the deep end, that means we have to call the National Guard.

    • Asiyah

      Awww Val! We thank you <3

    • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

      I used to beat up the bullies. Can’t stand a bully. Yes, I’m a hypocrite.

      • Asiyah

        A great plug for your site!

        • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

          lol I see that you see what I did there… although not intentional

          • Justmetheguy

            Damn Asiyah, I didn’t even catch that but you’re right. She’s accidentally awesome and sh!t lol, but yeah I remember her tellin me stories about punkin bullies for other ppl, I was touched…pause