The Gospel of P*ssy Prosperity, Explained » VSB

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The Gospel of P*ssy Prosperity, Explained



In last week’s piece about the Universal He Fine/He Ain’t Shit Matrix, I referenced The Gospel of Pussy Prosperity. I received a lot of follow up from folks curious about it. I sat down with my sister-friend Ashleigh J. (@filthycharm) to get answers.

So Ash. The people want to know. What is the philosophy behind Pussy Prosperity?

When folks hear “Pussy Prosperity,” they immediately think of some gold-digging hoe philosophy. For Pussy Prosperity, you don’t need a man’s money—let me run that back: You do NOT need a man’s money to participate in this.

If anything this is about leveraging your relationships to help you live abundantly, not taking someone else’s money. It’s not about getting all you can from a man; it’s about enriching your life through your interactions.

Our grandmothers would tell us, “You go out with that man, come home with more than just a wet ass.” This is vintage Pussy Prosperity. Back in the day, women had to align themselves with a man in order to have any semblance of social and economic mobility. Things are different now. Modern relationships are based on want instead of need. I don’t need a man to buy a car or a house like my grandmothers might have. I don’t need my imaginary husband’s permission to purchase anything. I’m not restricted from working in my chosen profession because of my gender. Now we have more choices. We don’t have to rush and lock down a husband. So why not be discerning and try to find someone that enriches my life?

It’s interesting that you noted the words of older women. A lot of them will encourage a woman to find a man with “potential,” whatever that is. How does that fit in here?

When it comes to potential, older folks always used to say, “Find a man who has potential and help him get to where he needs to be,” which is great and I support that. However, as I get older, the less enamored I am with potential; you need to be doing something with your potential. Pussy Prosperity is about not just nurturing someone else’s potential. Your potential matters too, and you should be able to receive that same nurturing you give out. Men can nurture us too, ladies.

So okay. What are the tenets of the Gospel? What am I looking for to see if I’m doing this right?

The four ways a partner can provide value are:

1. Knowledge

2. Network

3. Spiritual/Religious Guidance

4. Support

The first is knowledge because there’s no reason to fuck stupid people. Stupidity is contagious. You should be able to learn from this person.

Next is their network. Most business deals are done before anyone ever hits a conference room. Backchannels and personal relationships are where good business happens. This also applies to the bedroom. Assess your potential partner before you lay down with him. See how he acts in different social situations. What does this person do? Can you contribute to their network and become part of it? How can you serve that network with what you do and vice versa?

The third measure of value is spiritual/religious guidance. This doesn’t mean this dude suddenly becomes Pastor Bae, but it’s helpful when your partner believes in something and y’all can dialogue about it. Even if you’re both atheists, you still have some sort of moral code. You all should be relatively on the same page regardless of the belief system.

Finally, one of the most overlooked things in relationships is support. I’ll reiterate that I don’t mean financial support or shacking up support or child support. I mean the intangible little things someone does to make your life brighter, better, and easier. Do they do things just to make you happy? Do they encourage you? Do they contribute to your dream, maybe through time, ideas, or a listening ear?

Part of this may seem transactional to some. So I have to ask, is Pussy Prosperity a feminist concept?

Pussy Prosperity is incredibly feminist. Essentially it’s making women more aware of their autonomy and making moves to increase and preserve it. Frankly, it’s liberation from feeling like you need to entertain men just to be nice on the off chance he might choose you. What’s wrong with being smart about who you lay down with at night? When you’re at your most vulnerable, utterly exposed. The sexual exchange of energy is real. Picture yourself slick with sweat in sheets that belong to your currently-preferred sex provider. How do you feel after you wake up from that post-coitus nap? Do you feel refreshed or do you feel ashamed? How does that shit settle in your spirit? You have to pay attention to how you feel when someone enters you and when they leave.

The right one (for the moment or forever) should leave you feeling renewed and refreshed. You should be happy, strutting, and secure with your choice—no walk of shame allowed.

Can you give us some example of women who have achieved Pussy Prosperity?

Eve. She’s the Queen Grand Dame of this Pussy Prosperity thing. She went from Stevie J to Maximillion Cooper. This man’s NAME has literally has money in it. I’m sure men will say Eve is a gold-digger, but she has been getting money for years before she ever met her husband. That syndication money is damn good. Trust. She showed us that #YouTooCanGraduateFromFuckboys (shoutout to Robyn aka SBG). Move your tassel over, baby.

And Oprah. You thought Mutha O didn’t know the game? Let us not forget that back in the day Ms. Winfrey was doing the news instead of being the news. She linked up with Stedman and went on to surpass his wealth and prestige. He’s always been her champion, pushing her to be her best self, and we have all benefited from it.

And then there’s Hillary Rodham Clinton. Hillary has always been good at leveraging what she has in Bill Clinton as a charismatic leader to get what she wants. She played her role of First Lady to a tee, did the Heisman on the Lewinsky scandal, flipped her time in the White House to a Senate seat, and now she’s Secretary of State with real potential to run for President. Get into her hustle.

Okay, what about for the rest of us? The non-celebs. What does this look like for regular folks workin’ that 9 to 5 just to stay alive?

I’ve benefited from Pussy Prosperity for the last several years. The idea came to me in 2010 when I was out of a brief but bad relationship, unemployed, and heading to grad school. I looked at my dating life and realized I wasn’t surrounded by the right people. So I made an effort to change the caliber of company I kept. The name didn’t come to me until later, and once I put a name to it in NYE 2012, things began to shift for me.

This shit works. I’m the proof. Last year, I went from being a part-time assistant living at my mom’s house to a director living in my own spot in another state within a four-month time frame. At the time, I was in a situationship with someone who was in the same field as me, and he was instrumental in my job search. He’s still someone I speak to regarding business advice because he’s a little older and knows his shit. Combining my hustle and his advice and support is what helped me get to where I am. I don’t deny that, and I’m immensely grateful to him for it. It wasn’t one sided, because I’ve seen him through things, too. I think my current place is a sign of what can happen when you have folks in your life that genuinely want you to be in a good place.

So what about the fellas? How can they live more abundantly? Is there an equivalent to this for men?

Beyoncé’s “Upgrade U” is essentially her putting in an application to be Jay’s Penis Prosperity liaison. Another example? Michelle Obama. Remember the anecdote about the Obamas being at dinner and the restaurant’s owner wanting to speak to FLOTUS? She came back to the table and POTUS said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant.”

FLOTUS replied, “No, if I had married him, he would now be the President.”

(You can read more about Ashleigh J’s gospel at her blog, The Authentrovert.)

Maya Francis

Maya K. Francis is a culture writer and communications strategy consultant. When not holding down the Black Girl Beat for VSB, she is a weekly columnist for Philadelphia Magazine's "The Philly Post" and contributes to other digital publications including xoJane, Esquire, and Sometimes TV and radio producers are crazy enough to let her talk on-air, and she helped write a book once. She cites her mother and Whitley Gilbert as inspirations.

  • Andre


  • PunchDrunkLove

    Imma lay down my good girl image (well not really) and speak. I was raised empowered. First let say I’ve been privy to this movement, mindset, for most of my life. Ingratiatied. Let me first say I don’t knock others, their walk, their journey, plights nor where they’re headed…..just strong in my own. Having said that, never dated a dumb dude. The kid’s dad was lazy but never dumb. I like ’em smart and rock solid.

    Coochie ain’t for sale, but it ain’t free either. Selective keeps you winning. Never had that itch to scratch with any ole dude. Never dealt with the shame afterwards. For me, embracing “wait a while” allows forethought and foresight. And if shame is the would be outcome, nothing ventured nothing gained.

    Stay equally yoked.

    Lastly being a hard worker will not only position you with say so, choices, and benefits, it comes with options. I agree that we are beyond aligning, do right, get picked. I’m digging the shift

    This is probably the best post I’ve read so far

    • How many have you read?

      • PunchDrunkLove

        Not many. I’ve read some good ones, but for me, this was a great write up. I’m talking substance. Posts on rappers, what Bey is doing, the latest craze etc etc etc don’t strike my fancy….not relatable FOR ME. I didn’t say the other writers aren’t talented and well versed. I think they all are, but again for me, this strikes a note. This is okay, right?

        • I was being a smart a**, but yes i will say Maya has at least started more dialogue here

          • PunchDrunkLove

            I caught it, and as was I by asking if I had your permission……if it’s okay that I call it such. I know most believe (you included) they have the patent on being bright. I’m still fairly new in posting so I weigh my words. High road Punchy, high road

            With that Imma take it lurking

            • it was a pleasure meeting you too.

  • Jetty

    Yes…..and this FLOTUS replied, “No, if I had married him, he would now be the President.”

    That really is it.

  • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

    Love this! I’m pretty sure his Oprah timeline is off though. I recall her going public with her relationship well into having her own syndicated daily talk show.

    • Maya K. Francis

      She and Stedman started dating in 1986. She had “The Oprah Winfrey Show” but she wasn’t “OPRAH” just yet. While she definitely had visibility (“Color Purple” was the year before) I’d be willing to wager that Stedman’s profile was still a bit more formidable from a business standpoint.

      • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

        I don’t know what you’re willing to wager, but I just wouldn’t describe him as formidable. I simply recall her doing more than the news when she linked up with Stedman. By 1986 she was with King World, had an hour long talk show bearing her name (the highest rated in the country) and had dethroned Phil Donahue with double the viewership. Great article though.

        • Maya K. Francis

          Hmmm. Well I’m not a betting woman. But, I think, at minimum it’s safe to say that Stedman was no slouch.

      • LadyIbaka

        So you are saying that Steadman ain’t a gold digger? And he is not kept.

        • Maya K. Francis

          The idea of “kept men,” though I’m sure they exist, seems so foreign to me. I can’t imagine how the dynamic between a man and a woman is sustained with that kind of thing.

          That said, I don’t think he is kept; I do think he plays his position well, though. Can’t be easy being Oprah’s +1

  • Val

    Equivocate much? Just saying. Lol. I’m still not sure how this is different from good old fashioned gold digging.

    Anyway, I was talking with someone about why relationships don’t function as well as they could in the modern Western world. We came to the conclusion that focusing on ‘me’ isn’t the best recipe for any relationship much less a romantic relationship.

    Don’t get me wrong; there’s nothing wrong with expecting/ hoping that your SO will bring something significant to the relationship. But, it seems that the most satisfying parts of life are when we get out of our own heads, out of our own needs and focus outward.

    If everyone did that, it seems to me, relationships would be more satisfying and longer lasting. But, maybe I’m wrong. I have been wrong before. Lol

    • LadyIbaka

      Oh, this ain’t gold digging, this is the epitome of GOAL digging! I’m sooooooooooo very happy for Miss E.V.E. Na na na na! #shakesthetambourine.

      HeYYY!!! *waving*!!!!!!

      • Val

        Hiya, African Mami!

        Lol. Okay, if you say so.

    • TheOtherJerome

      See i disagree. I don’t think she’s talking about gold digging. I think gold diggers actually bring nothing to the table. Now, i may be reading into this a concept i’ve been fleshing out over the last few months (so i could be wrong… perhaps i just focused on networking) But i think she’s saying to find someone who is willing to invest in you…. as much as you’re willing to invest in them.

      Again, i think her hood way of describing such a concept does it disservice, but hey….

      • PunchDrunkLove

        I didn’t either. I saw more of a “movement” coming into play from the days of yesteryear and how woman have evolved and positioned differently, or should/could have. Eve is mentioned but I didn’t get golddigging

      • Val

        Of course gold diggers bring something to the table. They’ve been around since the beginning of time. If they didn’t bring anything to the relationship the concept would have died out long ago.

        Isn’t that what we’re already doing in healthy relationships; investing in each other?

        • That’s what one would assume, but these days every concept has to get memeified

          • Sahel

            Like so

            • John Shannon

              What was the song/phrase circa 2004-2007? Oh yes- Money Makes me Cuummmmm -_-

        • TheOtherJerome

          Point. They do in fact bring something. That something usually doesn’t extend past fake boobs though.

          Not that there is anything wrong with fake boobs…..

      • Snarkychic

        I tend to agree with you TheOtherJerome. I don’t think the author is talking about Gold Digging. And to be clear Gold Diggers don’t bring anything to the table but their physical a$$-ets which is a lot different than what the author is describing. I do think people struggle with women selecting men versus the other way round.

      • LeeLee

        I agree about it not being gold digging. I completely understand what the author is trying to say and I am all the way here for it. I’m usually the person always trying to encourage men in my dating life. The “cheerleader” if you will. Recently I connected with a male friend of my cousin’s and he has really been “pouring” into me professionally. It’s so darn refreshing! And I told him so. He is a leader, knows where he is going and can explain how he’s going to get there. He’s inspiring me to better! I may be in the minority (again) but I like a man who knows more than me and can teach me something. And I can use my strengths in areas where he may be weak. For example, maybe he has connections for me. And I can provide him with a safe space for him to vent his emotions, be someone he can trust or some other exchange.

        • Sahel

          At least you try and make it a two street. And 50 points on use of the word pouring

        • Rachmo

          Most guys I date are a lot smarter than me. #truechainz

        • Wild Cougar

          I hear you 100% Personally I’m tired of these one way deals with people who have potential but no drive and no intention of rising above their state. I’m the cheerleader pushing but they don’t want to be pushed and resent my upward motion and how it reflects on them.
          Then there is the little problem that is caused when my cheerleading causes them to get a big head and think their presence is a gift.

          I’m ready to shift into this p*ssy prosperity model. I like it. It would make my life easier to quit dealing with scrubs. I certainly don’t need a man’s money, but getting dragged down by time wasters is not the business.

          • KKay

            My sister has this issue. Always dating people with potential, but no drive. All it does it all cause her problems.

          • BreakingChains

            Girl yes! Speak that! “the little problem that is caused when my cheerleading causes them to get a big head”

            It’s like being as supportive as I always want to be to a man I see potential in is the ultimate set up, ESPECIALLY when they don’t deliver on something that they had all of the potential to have.

            Then there’s the ones who think encouragement is disapproval of their current place. Just run away from these boys.

        • That’s not the minority at all. The vast majority of women want men above them in all aspects.

        • Freebird

          ” I may be in the minority (again) but I like a man who knows more than me and can teach me something. ”

          Is it ok for women to say this in 2014?

          • PhlyyPhree

            It should be!!!
            And if it isn’t that’s a damn problem.
            Men can have a laundry list of wants and needs for the women they choose to entertain but a woman can’t make a common sense statement about the partner she’s choosing?

            And what’s wrong with wanting someone who can teach you something? She’s not saying she has nothing to offer the man, just that she wants him to be able to broaden her horizons and expand her knowledge base. I see no problems.

            • Freebird

              im team do what you do.
              i dont think any thing is wrong with it. but i know more than a few women with agendas that would turn their nose up to the idea.

              • cakes_and_pies

                In some circles, saying such a thing out loud indicates weakness, not an indication of a willingness to learn and grow with someone else. I don’t understand that, but I’ve seen it.

          • LeeLee

            Freebird, good question. I honestly can’t represent all women. Just myself. And I’m honest enough with myself to know what I want in a man and I’m not afraid of saying that anymore, whether others think its ‘ok’ or not. Everyone has the right to determine the type of partner they want for his or her self. What works for me doesn’t work for all women and I’m fine with that. Women are different. I like to learn from others, am teachable and like to “put up on” things. I don’t know everything (although I wish I did:), have been somewhat sheltered, a little square (sigh), and am humble enough to admit that. So I crave a partner who is a leader, an explorer, who knows things I do not and can help me fill in some of my admitted gaps, from a male perspective. And I”m not ashamed of that.

          • afronica

            I’ve always preferred guys smarter than I am. Always.

          • LadyIbaka

            Ummm, yes Freebird!

          • Rachmo

            Sure is. I am often the pretty yet scatterbrained addition to the relationship and I’m okay with that.

      • Rachmo

        Okay see I thought I was the only one like…hmm…yeah that makes sense.

    • Andrea

      My gendered body feels distressed. Digging?? I almost wish they would have put
      up that Mammy monument on the Mall. Just to remember…..on my way home….some bodies are problems in themselves. DuBois where you at!

      ___digger seems to always magically pop up! And I am like, “Why is this happening?” I’m not quite clear why ___ digger has to show up? I need a resistance strategy err something. I gotta manage my shame. “Despite a legacy of always working, even when we didn’t own our wages or our bodies, stereotypes like ‘gold digger’ are presented as Black women by default.” I feel…. wanting….of an authentic capacity to express self….. In the comments section
      Love the post! I fear Black women aren’t allowed to have conversations like this… less Jezebel, the gold digger, welfare queen, an ‘em show up.

      Shout out to MHP

      • This is fair, the idea of digging is way too engrained in our culture. We all have aspirations, none of them are beneath so why the burrowing

      • I think the fear is that Black women are looking to exploit after years of being exploited. It’s not realistic, but that fear is real. Plus there are a few fools that latch on to the golddigger thing because they think so little of themselves. Sadly, some people think sex is their only come-up.

        • LeeLee

          “I think the fear is that Black women are looking to exploit after years of being exploited. It’s not realistic, but that fear is real.”

          +1! Game recognize game.

      • Wild Cougar

        Gold digging is one of the many terms used to shame women from using what they have to get what they need. They don’t want us empowered in these streets. Recognize.

        • TheOtherJerome

          Well, if you’re a user/vampire type, then you SHOULD be ashamed of yourself. There is nothing mentally/ spiritually empowering in that. I’d argue the opposite.

          • Wild Cougar

            I hear you man, but I’m discovering that wanting people to be ashamed of being selfish isn’t exactly producing any results. They kinda don’t care

            • Kema

              My sister is a bit selfish. I actually envy her ability to continuously put herself first.

            • TheOtherJerome

              I dig. And you’re right, they don’t care. They should though. Because most of these types don’t often get what they want. Playing the “Taker” game is very competitive.

              • Wild Cougar

                You shole said a mouthful with that. I wish I could be a fly on the wall watching two takers trying to extract stuff from each other. It’s probably each of them staring at a dry phone wondering why the other person don’t text first.

    • Gold-diggers are FLIPPERS, we are discussing a long-term investment. Meaning, I put something in…AND I get something out. Something other than the “pride that comes from being your man’s #1 cheerleader”.
      Gold-diggers get what they can from a man with the least amount of emotional effort or support..then move on. We are discussing two people mutually enriching each others lives beyond emotional. Not everyone operates that way, sure. Not everyone has to. BUT you cannot deny that a LOT of people are walking around drained and frustrated in one-sided relationships where they pour all their support, encouragement and effort into a black hole. I’m just not here anymore for vampires, emotional or otherwise.

      • Val

        Okay but read my entire comment. I agree that relationships, healthy ones, should be mutually beneficial. The post however seems to go overboard in suggesting one look for a mate based solely upon what they can do for you. That’s what I found fault with not the concept of being with someone who has something tangible to offer.

        • AlwaysCC

          i wasn’t even going to read this post because of the title. but once i read it i was like “so you’re just describing a healthy relationship?” lol i didn’t think it went overboard. so many people i know (men and women) put soooo much in a relationship and get nothing out of it…i think the writer was just emphasizing to make sure you don’t do that. *shrug* but h3ll…i could be wrong, too! lol

        • You should. Because you already know what you bring to the table. If you know you bring [x, y, z] I don’t really see why you shouldn’t hunt based on what they can do for you, then pick the most compatible from that group. It’s not necessarily how I conduct my search but I see the logic. Basically I just don’t think “gold-digger” is the appropriate term for it..because both people are benefiting.

          • Val

            Both people do benefit in a “gold digging” relationship otherwise there wouldn’t be any of those relationships and there are. You can dislike the term but there are those who are doing exactly that.

            And, folks can use fuzzy logic all they want to try to differentiate this from gold digging but that doesn’t change what the post said. If your criteria for choosing a mate is predicated on what they can do for you financially then what is that?

            You can call it by another name if it makes you feel better but it is what it is.

            • In a “gold-digging” relationship the only benefit the financially better person gains is physical. The only place it was implied that physical benefits are the only thing the woman brings to the table in this relationship dynamic was in the sensational title. Otherwise, apples and oranges. Nowhere did she imply that the person is to do something for you financially either, as a matter of fact she clarifies that each woman already brought something to the table and all he helped her do was maximize that and not drain from her. I still don’t get how you see that as gold-digging.

        • afronica

          I think my reaction to the post has more to do with the language used to describe the concept than the concept itself. Applying words of commodification and commerce (“prosperity,” “networking,” “branding”) to relationships seems to be a millenial thing, and it rubs me the wrong way.

          We could be describing a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship or an even two-way trade with symmetrical information exchange. But using the same words to describe a loving symbiosis or what you plan to do with pork belly futures in the third quarter will never sit right with me. There really is something to knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing.

    • Anonymous

      “I’m still not sure how this is different from good old fashioned gold digging.”

      Then, keep living.

  • TheOtherJerome

    Interesting. Not sure if the title is adequate for what she’s describing… it kind of deserves better then that. However the concept is sound. Honestly i’ve been pretty surprised that more people don’t “network-date”. They’re literally separating themselves from financial opportunity. Anyone who actually tries to build with you is worth exploring.

    • That’s my feeling like, the witty title is kinda pointless.

      • LadyIbaka

        I ain’t never seen you this exhausted with a title and post! Maya, make sure not to mention genitalia in an article ever again. SEO be damned!

    • Rachmo

      I agree with this. The title is what threw me off bc there’s a lot of sense in here.

  • Andrea

    Forbes voted D.C. the coolest city last week. They mentioned something bout a Panda. Ethnic diversity and pu$$y prosperity.

  • LadyIbaka

    When I saw the title, I thought it was about prosperity preachers getting poosay which has superpowers that brings them lots of monies, which they’ve come to call prosperity poosay!

    I think every poosay should aspire to be prosperous, whether through a man or self -determination, kujichagulia, no?!

    In all seriousness, this is goal digging at its finest. Can’t be mad.

    • Andrea

      Sapphire, Jezebel, Gold digger and now Goal digger. Do I get to pick more than one? I like this quote from Riya Anandwala, “From the standpoint of the Indian tradition, a family, even today, would want a very well-settled man for their daughter. The definition of well settled may differ from caste to caste, but the man has to earn well enough to feed the wife. To be entirely honest with you, my mother wants a guy who is well settled, earns a good salary, has securities such as a house, good savings. She will never let me get married to [a] man who doesn’t earn “good enough.”

      • Sahel

        Conquering a woman when shes broke is easier than when shes rich..fact

    • you have me over here snickering. kujichagulia! lol

  • Sahel

    This will get hilarious in a few hours…when O checks in. And let me throw this out there,does this sought of philosophy not have a time limit. I mean,people like that chic from TLC seem to be preaching it at her age

    • You cant put an age on it, because here come the “outliers” riding on their unicorns. I will say when you’re past a certain age still talking about potential, there’s a jig up in the sky for you, love

      • Andrea

        I don’t understand the TLC Chili reference. She was talking about long check lists. I missing when they spoke about potential. Except Hillary’s.

        • It was the second point.

          • Andrea

            ” Assess your potential partner before you lay down with him.”? You do not like how potential was used in that sentence?

            • I meant the second bolded point…

              Prosperity is about not just nurturing someone else’s potential. Your potential matters too, and you should be able to receive that same nurturing you give out. Men can nurture us too, ladies.

              • Andrea

                Ohhhh. I still can’t get it. There is an age limit on human potential? Like after 60 you can’t grow anymore? The jig is up?
                I guess I don’t agree. I thought that was one of the points of obstacles. New challenges…new growth. And people to learn with you.

                • There’s no end to potential, my point was as far as dating was concerned , after a certain age it becomes harder to take seriously.

  • Medium Meech

    This is to gold digging what escorting is to street walking. No amount of re-branding or catch phraseology will change that. But please preach away, seriously. Us dude’s out here aren’t exactly altruistic so I’ve got no room to judge anybodies motives. Nothing annoys me more than gold diggers hustling backwards and simple dudes recklessly tricking. Adding these sound capitalist principles to romance does what capitalism does best, helps efficiently attach a supply to a demand, and there would be so fewer bitter people (Eve) if these two groups found each other. But please please don’t pretend this is something it isn’t. And while we’re talking honesty please don’t act like Obama is the type of dude this thought process makes you check for. She wasn’t social climbing, like at all. You have to be in it for more than yourself to do the type of building they did. That’s the next level.

    • I was gonna chill, but yeah….

    • Knowledge God.

      • Andrea

        Do you think VSS’ believe Michelle was attempting social climbing?

        • Freebird

          This is a good question. I wonder if she was. What do you think?

          • Andrea

            No. I think she was happy to find her equivalent.

            • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

              As far as Michelle finding HER equivalent; Barack Obama courted, pursued, and eventually married his MENTOR. Michelle was his assigned mentor. And I believe she was also earning more than him for the majority of their marriage, up until his candidacy.

              Barack and Michelle Obama

              When lawyer Michelle Robinson was assigned as a mentor to a handsome young Harvard associate in 1989, she was determined not to acquiesce to his requests for a date, despite finding him funny and charming. “I said, ‘No, that wouldn’t be the right thing to do.’ He said, ‘Who cares?'” Barack Obama finally persuaded his future wife to spend a day with him, and tried his hardest to impress her, whisking her to an art gallery, a jazz café, a fashionable new film and a romantic drink on the 99th floor of a skyscraper. “By the end of that date, it was over,” she recalled. “I was sold.” The couple (above) married three years later, and went on to have two daughters. Although the future US President was elected to the Senate soon afterwards, requiring him to leave his family during the week, he remained devoted to them, returning as often as possible and scheduling regular romantic evenings with Michelle. For her part, she supported her husband throughout his political career, joining him on the campaign trail and penning her own supportive stump speeches. Barack has said that “being married to Michelle… never allows me to underestimate women.”

              • Andrea

                You know how I meant equivalent. I didn’t mean they was in the same exact grade.

              • John Shannon

                Today that would be Doing Too Much, Harassment, and Not Staying in One’s Lane….. It’s Great when things like that Obamas work out but those are exceptions

                • camilleblu

                  doing too much? stay in your lane? nah…how so?

                  • John Shannon

                    Like it was said above, if the Advances are Unwanted, yet POTUS “wore her down” vs in 2014 it’s Harassment and Not Staying in your Own Lane/League/Comfort Zone/Etc

                • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

                  It’s only harassment if the advances are unwanted. I work in an office that boasts 5 plus married, one engaged, couples that met on the job. These are all white couples. What the President and his wife did is common, has been for decades. My (black) parents met in a similar fashion.

            • Freebird

              I’d like to think so too.

        • John Shannon

          FLOTUS was His Boss at one time, took his persistence as Impressive and went on a rate with h to get ice cream. Mrs. Obama saw Potential and Not an Already Established Man, not to mention they BOTH Struggled in NYC before Struggled In Chicago when he was just a Community Organizer.

          Nowadays, Many Ladies are Taraji Henson’s character in Think Like a Man- well , those that Have a Career LIKE Taraji’s Character. If Women Don’t I really scoff at wanting a Completed Guy when you Basic Becky or Generic Gina, same as a Guy that wants a VS Model or Video Vixen but he Average Joe

          • Andrea

            Funny. Now I have a problem with the word potential. I don’t see a 1st year Harvard law student as someone with potential. Edit:(2nd year Harvard law student). I feel that is about as established as you can get. Looking at the Black Community as a whole. That is Over Established demographically speaking.

            • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

              A student is just that, a student. LOL! You see a law student as, “… about as established as you can get”? Ok.

              • Not established but if you’re a law student at Harvard it’s safe to say you have a concrete idea of where you want to be and you are steadily on that path. People talk like homie was 30 year old a/c repair man just thinking about rolling back into college .

                • Andrea

                  THANK YOU!!! And as far as black folks in this country go….. How is that not established? (Connotation)

                • John Shannon

                  That’s Still Potential. I Myself am now a Specialist in the National Guard as a MP, closer to becoming a Federal Agent in 6-7 years but I’m not Established. I’m not a Complete Product and Women in 2014 want a Finished Masterpiece; btw Even a Garbage Guy brings in damn near 6 figures

                  • Andrea

                    You have not met my friends. They don’t date no finished masterpieces.

                  • I get what you mean but people keep saying it like Obama wasn’t going to be anything without Michelle.

                    • John Shannon

                      I guess. Does anyone have that mindset for the City/Civil Rights Activists out here that Choose to Help in Urban Areas? If that’s the case then How Shallow and Potential Wasting are Black Folks indeed……

                  • “Women in 2014 want a Finished Masterpiece”

                    Then find one who doesn’t.

                    • John Shannon

                      When I Find a Woman who is Finished Themselves I’ll Congratulate her. Til then I Won’t get Newt Gingrich about my Own Folks and whatnot; The Black Community is everywhere on the Social Spectrum and I can stereotype Women the same way Ladies are generalizing Guys. I’m not looking to have that “conversation” on a Friday

                    • lol! what conversation? I just offered you a solution. I wasn’t trying to rap.

                    • Sahel

                      I follow you on I.G,what’s with the flower photo

                    • flowers make me happy.

                    • BROWSE YOUR FOLLOWERS AND FIND HIM FOR US…..but tuh, bet he doesnt have any pics posted there either, hmph.

                    • I saw when he signed up. I know which one he is.

                    • Andrea

                      I’m just glad he didn’t ask me about none of mine :)

                    • Neptunes presents The Clones

                      Saw you holding those balls girl

                    • Is he really a chubby dominican girl who lives in Tulsa? #Catfishery

                    • Lea Thrace

                      I halfway want to get an IG account just so I can snoop on Sahel…

                      (and maybe some other VSBs too)

                    • Val

                      I heard there were just a bunch of blurred photos on Sahel’s IG.

                    • camilleblu


                    • Neptunes presents The Clones

                      How,i only follow Dara,nobody else

                    • John Shannon

                      I know you weren’t being snarky and I wasn’t intending my response to be in return. The Ray Rice incident and Stephen A. Backlash created a week long theme of folks looking to answer the Questions of Gender Conflicts. I’m one of 3 guys and 2 Ladies that aren’t exactly on Status Quo or hopping on the latest Controversy and moving goalposts. Out of the 5 of us I’m the only one that hasn’t written a thesis, Married or Older than 29. We all are Black in a 50- person group of Black, White, Latino and varying Experienced, Religious Faiths and Ages. More folks my age range are on the other side of my Opinion

                      Let’s just Say doing this thing in Cleveland is NOT the same as doing this in DC or ATL or LA

                    • Rachmo

                      You’re not a finished masterpiece until you’re dead.

                    • #Hotep indeed.

                    • i am here for your levity today. lol. I think I need #husbae.

                    • How glib?

                    • As glib as the idea of all women in 2014 wanting a finished masterpiece.

                    • Naw it’s just always fascinating on how women’s advice to men is always just find someone who likes you but would never say just find a man who likes you to a woman. Tis fascinating.

                    • i’m not well versed in dating politics.

                      Why wouldn’t we say “find a man who likes you?”

                      To your point, I think we tell women to make themselves into the woman their kind of man would like. But I’m interested in hearing your answer.

                    • Because women are empathetic to women’s dating problems but only respond with iteration to men discussing dating problems because men who vocalize dating problems ate considered unattractive.

                    • AlwaysCC

                      my uncle told me “find someone who loves you more than you love him”

                    • I’ve heard that too…doesn’t sit well with me. How do you quantify more or less love? And does that translate to less commitment? And in that vein, is it fair to the other person? (shrugs.) me no know.

                    • AlwaysCC

                      i keep trying to find the words to translate what i thought he meant. but none of it makes sense when i reread it lol

                    • LadyIbaka


                  • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

                    What women want varies by the woman. You make good points however. I just felt the notion of an established student was ironic. The law students I know would agree.

                    • Andrea

                      Are they at Harvard?

                    • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

                      I don’t know what circles you travel in. We’re an ivy league family. Lawyers have to do praticums, clerk with firms, as well as completing school and passing the bar. As long as you continue to throw in, ‘for a black person’ there’s no reason to continue the dialogue. You and I obviously don’t share a similar wavelength. But from here until eternity, students of any color are NOT established.

                    • Sahel

                      Just out of curiosity,are you a dude

                    • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

                      I have a vagina.

                    • Sahel

                      Duly Noted

                    • Andrea

                      Sorry If I was rude. Offended. Just out of curiosity. When do you consider someone established? Does it depend on property owned? Debt owed? I guess you answered education. No students allowed correct? How do you define being established for yourself?

                    • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

                      3-5 years of full-time employment in a position with growth potential; incurring no new debt for education and paying down existing education related debts. For the self-employed, 5-8 years of operating in the black, again full-time, with consistent client growth and an increase in net earnings; while sustaining/renewing existing clients and contracting new ones. Again, no new debt, especially not for operational purposes.

                    • Andrea

                      Cool! Thanks for getting back to me. I apologize again. I’m a little cranky this morning. It is a chemo day. I bark at people. That is no excuse.

                    • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

                      Please, no need to apologize. Stimulating conversation with a most desirable outcome.

                    • “3-5 years of full-time employment in a position with growth potential incurring no new debt for education and paying down existing education related debts.”

                      For reasons.

                • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

                  I work with law students and law school graduates. Being a law student is not as established as you can get. That is all.

                  • Was never said or implied. Reread what I wrote.

                    • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

                      Re-read the thread. My initial response, that you replied to, was a retort to someone who said just that.

                    • And I was clarifying what she meant insofar as”established”. Your response to me is nonsensical considering neither her nor I meant a law student was “established.”

                    • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

                      How are you clarifying what she meant? Are you in her head or in her house? She specifically said a law student was as established as you can get. I assume you can read, correct? Established and potential are in no way analogous or similar. College athletes have a trajectory in mind, are they established? Save it bruh.

                    • Andrea

                      I love you!

                    • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

                      I’m so sorry that you are struggling with cancer. Love and blessings to you during what I know is a most trying time. I have several friends, too many in fact, battling various forms of the disease. Cancer is heinous, unrelenting, and horrible, and I hate it vehemently and with a passion.

                    • Andrea

                      Thank you so much.

                    • She agreed with my correction. Reread.

                    • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

                      Try rereading the dictionary. You can’t redefine the word established for your own unique and miniscule purposes in the comments section of VSB. Feel free to continue to try though, I don’t wanna dull your shine. ????

                    • I’m not redefining the word though. She used the wrong word but I knew her intent and what she was trying to communicate so I classified and elaborated on what she meant. I hope pray for all your ivy league mentees.

                    • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

                      Yo! If you wanna date her then ask her out. You don’t need to cape for her, speak for her, decipher for her, or put words in her mouth. She and I already had an adult conversation about this topic, WITHOUT YOU. Women are completely capable of having a dialogue, we don’t need penile interpreters. This exercise will win you no enlightened woman’s favor. I pray for your swagger, or lack thereof.

                    • Not caping. Didn’t feel your response to me was warranted and I’m attempting to explain to you why but you desperately need this online win so you got it.

                    • DefinitelySmarterThanYou

                      You responded to me. I replied to her and you responded to me, THEN I replied to you. My reply to you essentially echoed my original comments. Nothing about your involvement in my discussion with her was warranted. And your feelings have been showing from the gate.

                • Rachmo

                  I know a Harvard Law grad. if you’re a woman you’d be shocked at the hurdles thrown at you even with all that intelligence.

                  • NomadaNare

                    Real Life.

            • John Shannon

              Any Grad Student is still a student with bills; Hell, the Obamas finished paying their loans off in 2006- he was a State Senator then!!! I was Graduating HS back then and never heard of Barack Hussein Obama and was not paying attention to Politics at all outside of the Stupid Iraq War. I never heard of his books or anything Obama until he declared he would run for President- something Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson tried and failed to do.

              POTUS was the 1 in 43-1 ( for those who still watch WWE that was my Brock Lesnar pun at beating Undertaker’s streak at Wrestlemania, 21-1)

            • BreakingChains

              Many people with no higher education go on to realize their dreams beyond the initial goal. Many people with Master’s degrees still can’t find a job. The real potential of a person has to be seen in their daily actions and habits, their intellectual capacity, how intuitive they are, how quickly they learn and adapt, and how the nuances about who they are add or subtract to their ability to do what it is that they are on the path to doing. Not to mention the whole larger piece of the pie about that person’s potential to compliment YOUR life.

          • I don’t think I understood the last half of your comment…

            • Andrea


            • John Shannon

              Some Women aren’t the Final Product themselves as far as Career having and Own Anything but Renting but want a Career Man that Owns it All. Next thing you know they FSKW because he is Busy with the Career that attracted them in the 1st place

              • I must be tired. :( What does FSKW mean?

                • h.h.h.

                  ‘feeling some kinda way’ #Quan

                  • asdfjk;


                    • LadyIbaka

                      And what does asdfjk mean? The only one I know is WwJD?

                    • asdfjkl; are the home keys when you type. She was expressing frustration.

        • I pray that they don’t.

    • *bats eyes and sighs*

      Speak on it, Meechie.

    • Wild Cougar

      Nobody is pretending it is something it isn’t. it’s Leverage, the smart dater’s way of doing things.

    • “This is to gold digging what escorting is to street walking.”

      Don’t agree. Because you are implying the woman she is talking about only has chex to offer for the support she’s asking for…and she’s not.

      • Anonymous

        I have come to the conclusion, having read most of these comments, that individuals who cannot differentiate between what the OP discusses and gold-digging…just basic.

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