Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly Couch

***Hello, VSB nation.We have a treat for you today. S. Nicole Brown is here again to bless the VSB pulpit. Sit back and enjoy***

I like living alone.

With obvious hyperbole, there is nothing like being able to open the door to your home, strip down to the bare essentials–or just to the bare–pour a glass of wine, and listen to the soothing notes of John Coltrane fill each room as he sings an ode to Naima with the pads of his fingers, no voices asking who ate the last slice of turkey, or in an one-sided argument with the TV over a bad call. And you haven’t fully lived (alone) until you’ve grabbed a brush or invisible mic and pretended you were Beyonce at Madison Square Garden or performed “Ain’t Nobody” along with Chaka Khan at the top of your lungs for an audience of no one but your mirror.

There’s a delicious peace in being with and by yourself, happily feasting on a big spinach salad with a side of green juice one night, and questionable Chinese “meat” and Starburst ice cream the next, with no regard to what someone else might want to eat, drink, or have to say about the curious sweet and sour slop on your plate.

But as wonderful as blasting Jazmine Sullivan while eating ice cream in comfy Target-sale Hanes while watching a Bridezillas marathon may be, my absolute favorite thing about living alone, is the ability to decorate a place to my liking. To make the the space within the walls I’ll be inhabiting mine completely, if only for the duration of a year-long lease. To create a home out of the emptiness, with fresh white orchids in the kitchen on Sundays, plush green towels in the linen closet, and Abeena and Ameena, my two very fly bald African priestesses, hanging in frames on the wall in the entryway, greeting each visitor at the door.

Moving to New York presented an opportunity to do just that: mold from scratch a cool, hip space in the greatest city on earth. Having sold or given away most of the furniture I had in Michigan, I was so excited to start anew. I lived on, drew sketches and floor plans of what the finished product would be. I made lists, noted every detail, every piece of art.

A change of plans soon presented a small glitch; I wouldn’t be living alone. But, given the free rein I was assured I’d have if I moved in with Beau, I wasn’t worried.

In my head it was perfect: an autumn-hued living room straight out of a scene meant for Love Jones or a dimly lit lounge where everyone snaps instead of claps. We’d have Mahogany tables with volumes of poetry and philosophy fanned out like literary peacocks, eat from hand-glazed Pottery Barn bowls, and span our impressive collection of Important Books against two entire walls of bookshelves, stacked floor to ceiling. Unique and meaningful art found at cultural festivals or made by me would occupy the walls not covered with books.

See? Perfect.

Of all the decor plans I had, none included the ugly brown sofa that took up roughly one-fourth of the living room, smugly letting anyone who entered know what the prized centerpiece of the largest room, and therefore apartment, was.

“Do what you want.” Beau said as I looked around and squealed in delight upon first seeing the rectangular abode for which the rent was toodamnhigh. It had so much potential: nice hardwood floors, plenty of wall space, a setup not backwards like some I’d seen while shopping. “But I’m keeping my sofas.”
-record scratch-

I felt like he’d suddenly cursed at me. Like he’d somehow just insulted my family name.  In a scene right out of Think Like A Man, He’d actually chosen an old couch over My Vision. “But … It’s brown. Dirt brown. And not even true dirt brown. It’s like an ashy, throw-up, dirt brown.”

He was not amused. “I like my couch. It stays.” I knew by his finite tone and heavy plopping down on the cushiony blob he lovingly and hilariously referred to as Couchneesha, that there was no changing his mind. I was stuck with this impossibly unpleasant sofa.

I ran to my computer, discreetly deleted the beginnings of a Craigslist Ad I’d begun to find what I had thought would be the soon-to-be-orphaned sofa a new home. I’d known he was attached to it, but inseparable? This was not my NYC dream. How could I decorate around such a bland and uninteresting lump of a material?

I sank into its cushions, it welcomed my form like an old friend, its plushness inviting, homey even.

I hated it.

The cup of deeply pigmented red Rosehip Hibiscus tea sitting on the coffee table in front of it tempted me to move my arm clumsily, accidentally spill its contents onto one of the oversized cushions. I weighed the consequences and decided I’d just hate Couchneesha in stubborn silence, try to pretend it wasn’t there being the big eyesore in the middle of the room.

Everyday I’d lounge in its comfort and plot ways in which I could convince him life without this sofa was better, only to be reminded that Couchneesha was his boo whom had always been there for him. If anything, I could count on a laugh out of his various responses, but sadly, never a “you’re right, let’s get rid of it.”

…That was a year ago.

Since then, his love for the throw-up brown sofa hasn’t waned. I’ve reluctantly accepted that it will be with us until it decides to kick the dust, or has a tragic encounter with a cranberry juice and olive oil cocktail and needs a slipcover. When I casually mentioned I was writing about his microfibered love, “she’s such a good girl.” was his wistful response.

But  as I’ve learned in living together, there is an endless supply of subjects and items to argue over and about, least importantly a sofa. I’ve learned that huge, pretty throw pillows are the antidote to Couchneeshas. And surprisingly, I’ve decided that the couch isn’t so bad.  It’s soft and plush and has grown accustomed to my form, my pretzel-crossed legs sitting on it for hours-long blocks, typing away on my laptop. The time spent and  memories created (folded into one another watching movies, being tended to while sick, jumping on it and nearly killing myself in an hilarious episode of  Of Mice and Muze) on this admittedly extraordinarily comfortable sofa have begun to slightly outweigh my disdain for its presence.

When this lease is up though…

S. Nicole Brown (aka “Muze”) is a writer of fiction, lover of words, and chronic reader happily living the clichéd under-spaced and overpriced life of a NYC writer. You can find her in 140 or less @muzeness or on her blog, Because I’m Write.

***This Saturday, October 6 is another edition of Reminisce, our all 90s everything hip-hop/r&b/dancehall party at Liv Nightclub in Washington, DC. It’s free before 11pm with RSVP ( and there’s an open bar from 930-1030pm with no dress code. Come to party, leave to remember. Reminisce. Peep the flyer and FB invite: ***

***If you haven’t seen it already, Panama was named the “Hillman College Alum of The Month.” Not sure how one becomes the alum of the month for a college that doesn’t exist, but P found a way to do it. Kudos***

***Lastly, our fundraising campaign is still going strong. Check out our Indiegogo page if, well, today is pay day and shit***

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for and EBONY Magazine. And a founding editor for 1839. And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at Or don't. Whatever.

  • Amos Banks

    I had a 3BR condo in Chicago and I had three TV’s in the living room where I could watch three different games on Sunday Ticket. Coax running everywhere, but so what? Everybody needs to live alone at some point.

    • msdebbs

      ” had three TV’s in the living room where I could watch three different games on Sunday Ticket”

      Smh…only a man would do this. How can your possibly watch 3 games at the same damn time???

      • It’s very much possible.

      • Pseudonym

        Haven’t you ever been to a sports bar? They’ll have 20 screens with 5 different games on each. Totally doable.

      • and you think women are the only ones who can multi-task.

      • I’m not a dude but I would love to have access to more than one game at a time. My ADHD loves that!

    • Thai

      Bwhahaha, Ironically I once dated a guy with a similar set up in his NY apartment. *shrugs*

    • Yo you could easily sacrifice one tv for her shows while still watching two games at once. That sound like the perfect compromise to me.

      • Rewind


        that’s why she can be in the bedroom.

        I kid, I kid. If it was me, 2 of those tv’s will have a video game playing on on, while I watch my shows on the other (Sons of Anarchy, Hell on Wheels, etc). She can have the 3rd.

  • I’ve more or less lived alone for 8 years (the “or less” would be some hard time back at the parents’ house) and I enjoy the solitude. The funny thing is I will leave my own apartment a mess and have dishes in the sink, but when I last had roommates (college) I was a clean freak ready to murder a bish over a knife in the sink. I guess that the difference between your mess and someone else’s…

    • Britico Chick

      LOL! So true! I think it’s about setting standards so that everyone knows what you expect as a minimum….!

  • I’m looking forward to move into a new apartment early next year (I make good money, so I can do that sh*t, LMAO!!!). What I want to find is a place where I don’t have to stay around anyone under the age of 35. No offense, but you young people are some annoying and loud bunch of motherf*ckers to be around AND live around- and that’s before alcohol comes into the equation!

    I almost found a good, quiet place to live- that is until I got shafted at the last minute. When I get new furniture for my new place, I won’t be getting whatever that is in the picture. If you ask me, that couch looks like a bed for a teenager, LMAO!

    • nillalatte

      PA, I get the feeling ur an old Rugby ruddy.

      • nillalatte

        LOL…what tha? Sorry. This silly device is making up it’s own words!

        • Aly

          Yet somehow we still knew what you meant :)

      • Lolwut?

    • “No offense, but you young people are some annoying and loud bunch of motherf*ckers to be around AND live around- and that’s before alcohol comes into the equation!”

      But we are soooo much fun!!! You don’t like hearing us talk in our outside voice inside from inside your apartment? Or have a sober party of one while the newest hood song blasts in the background? Or how our trash seems to never make it into the right bins? Or the way we take any parking space and our friends took your spot? As soon as I moved off campus the noise ordinances came rolling in. But I wasn’t loud all the time ;) my roommate made way more noise.

    • Aly

      Cons of living near young people: loud parties until 3 am, losing sleep due to loud parties when you have to wake up at 5:30am, finding beer cans in random places, the smell of weed that somehow finds it’s way into your apartment

      Pros of living near young people: reminiscing about what it was like to be young and carefree, watching the cute young guys and fantasizing about all the ways you’d like to…um, nevermind ;)

      • kid video

        the smell of weed that somehow finds it’s way into your apartment

        I didnt know u would be offended…smiley face.

        • Aly

          *mutters to self* damn kids

        • Kema

          Yo… Pass that

          • nillalatte


      • “Pros of living near young people: reminiscing about what it was like to be young and carefree, watching the cute young guys and fantasizing about all the ways you’d like to…um, nevermind ‘”

        Someone’s telling on themselves…. *snickers*

    • chameleonic

      i wish i could live in a place where young people have moved beyond their party hard phase and are into the deeper more substantial things of life. ive ALWAYS been like that. i prefer hanging around people who are a bit older than me so that i can socialize better because people who are my age, i feel exactly the same way as you. sloppy drunk, drenched in beer, not carrying themselves with dignity or respect, flunking out of school, doing drugs, making generally bad decisions and pretending to be adults. being loud and obnoxious like its cute. having babies for no reason. i just cant deal with that atmosphere and im slightly judging them but only enough to know i want no part in it. i like the mature leveled out crowd and id wanna live somewhere that theres still a way to socialize with folks, but i also wanna live somewhere thats decent enough to call home.

      • Let me guess….you’re 22…

        • chameleonic

          I haven’t been 23 for very long lol. How’d you guess so close?

          • You sound like that typical young adult that that thinks they are more mature than they really are. I know because I used to be one.

            • chameleonic

              lol @ insulting someone who legitimately has a good head on their shoulders as opposed to treating them in the manner in which they deserve to be treated. it gets really old. don’t project on me. what exactly does a mature 23 year old female do? because ‘living the life’ doesnt make you mature. it makes you fast and mistake oriented in your immaturity and blindness. im pretty sure im as mature as i know i am. just innocently naive. huge difference.

              • chameleonic

                im pretty sure the difference between immaturity and maturity is what youre prepared for.

                • I don’t know where in the hell you got where I was insulting you- you lost me there. It seems you’re doing more projecting than I am. This is part and parcel why I refuse to entertain any kind of conversation with anyone younger than me. Y’all are just way too sensitive and emotional for my tastes.

                  • chameleonic

                    you doubted my maturity. you started a conversation doubting my maturity. its pretty insulting. i worked really hard and toughed out a lot of things to be who i am and the person i am. calling me immature on the basis of you seeing yourself, and your inability to see me, is insulting and hurtful. but its cool. its just a conversation. and now we know not to speak to each other.

              • hmmm, i like the respond lol

    • A Woman’s Eyes


  • Tes

    I’m planning on moving in with my dude sometime soon but I don’t yet know this struggle (thank goodness). I think he’ll be easy; all he really wants is a bed big enough to fit him, which I can completely agree too (because big beds are amazing).

    Here’s hoping there’s no Couchneeshas in my future. *crosses fingers*

    • CNotes

      “I’m planning on moving in with my dude sometime soon”

      Already, Tes? I thought you two just got together…

      • Tes

        We’re relatively new, we’re at less than a year so I suppose that’s a big deal, huh? o.O

        • CNotes

          It is a big deal. As an e-Auntie I will suggest taking your time and enjoying the relationship without worrying too much about taking next steps. : )

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      so young and so naive lol

    • Around the Way Girl

      Ok, I ignored everyone who told me this…but DON’T DO IT!!! Once you do, there’s no going back (unless you have the “I need my space/let’s take a break” conversation…awkward). And your freedom will be limited. You will be expected to act like a wife. You will have to account for your whereabouts (who wants to do that in their early 20’s???) because he’ll know when you’re not home. You will have to consult with him before making decisions about your own life. You will be expected to think of yourself as “us.” You will have to explain your need for things like alone time, girls night, basically anything you want to do without him. Trust me, every guy will say he’s not and will not be like this, and you’ll think it too. But what happens is, if you have a good guy who’s fixing things and killing bugs and buying sh!t (whether you asked them to or not, they do it just because they love you) and helping you solve your problems and taking care of you when you’re sick and coming home to you every night even when other chicks want it and the list goes on, he will expect you to take on that wife mentality. There’s nothing wrong with that if you’re ready. But you’re very young. You will evolve. What you want out of life in a year or two may be completely different from what you want now. And yes, you can handle this with good communication, but good communication can still lead to pain and heartbreak. Just save yourself the trouble and live alone until you get engaged or something. You can have just as great, or even better, a relationship with separate addresses as you can with the same one.

      I’m not trying to project, I know you and your boo are not me and mine. But some things are just the way of the world. I wish someone had broken it down for me like this a year ago, I wouldn’t be dealing with the thoughts and predicaments I’m dealing with now.

      • Rewind

        True indeed.

        My girl has never lived on her own. I have. I’m trying to get her to understand once our financial situations change and we move away from our families, it is best if she got her own place first. At least for 6 months, to give herself a slice of life she was never granted. But she doesn’t see it my way, and just thinks I’m stalling for progression of the relationship.

        It is like you said, living with someone almost feels like having a parent, depending on who you’re dealing with. No one after 25 should have to answer for what they do or who they are with if they aren’t robbing banks and causing fires.

        • Around the Way Girl

          I think she’ll get it one day, especially since she has never lived alone. She’ll get the itch.

          • Britico Chick

            and then she’ll find it very difficult to move in! LMAO. I can’t stress it enough – live b yourself – be accountable for your space, actions, and lifestyle so that when you’re married, you know exactly what you’re bringing to the table

      • Anastasia!!!

        I’m glad somebody said it!

        DON’T DO IT, TES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


        You are still so young, and I know this is a new relationship but so many things could happen in the time frame of a one-year lease. I beg of you!! You need your own space. You don’t need to be cooking or cleaning for this guy – or being available for his chexual needs – PLEASE.

        I don’t know your situation, but if you have anyone you can go to, PLEASE!! It’s not worth it.

    • Tes

      Ya’ll make it sounds like he’s beating me. O_O

      Ya’ll know me, right? I’m stubborn. I’m smart. I think everything through. In any case, I’ve given it a lot of thought. I’ve got this, aunts, uncles and VSCousins. I’m ready. There’s no real way to prove it to you, but rest assured, I am.

      • Around the Way Girl

        Exactly what I said a little over a year ago lol. It’s your life though, and perhaps you will be the exception. I hope so. Good luck!

  • Anastasia!!!

    Not on topic – forgive me but LIIIIZZZ! Where you at girl!!??

    Heather Lindsey, omg, LOVEZ IT!


    • Juiciest Mango

      Just wanted to let you know your [over]use of [!!!!!!!] is such a delight!! :)

      • Anastasia!!!

        chile, when I love something, the e-homies got to understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Thai

      I took note of your e-Love. I e-love you too lady! Send e-hearts!!!

      @Mami, yes she is so live with those exclamation mark. Lol

    • liz

      Haaaa! Glad you like :) Sometimes Heather can be annoying (that girl loves to take a million photos of her face daily! lol) and the blatant homophobia bothers me, but I’ve been able to learn a lot from reading her (entire!) blog :) It’s just refreshing to have someone stand up for what you believe in when it comes to sex and relationships. That’s why I dig my pastor as well.

      • Rewind

        I have a question.

        If you met a man who fully supported your boundaries and religious beliefs, but was not interested in religion himself, would you accept him?

        • liz

          I mean, I accept everyone on some level lol.

          Would I marry him? No. Would I date him? Not for very long, if at all. What I believe is def more comprehensive than just saying, “oh that’s cool, you do do” it’s more about 100% participation as well.

      • Anastasia!!!

        Right, what I realized is some of her principles are exactly what I need. Like FULL DEVOTION to God, and spending time with him etc. I read thru some of the blog posts, and I haven’t caught the homophobia yet, but I’m sure it’ll be cringe-worthy when I see it!

        Also, I’m like still in awe about her first kiss?? For real doe??

        Thanks for the pass along! I appreciate it!

        • I think it’s great that you are certain of what type of man you are looking for. Lots of luck to you in your search, Anastasia, my fellow namesake of sorts.

  • The F.acially U.nappealling C.hicago

    “Moving to New York presented an opportunity to do just that: mold from scratch a cool, hip space in the greatest city on earth.”

    I’m confused. You say you moved to New York, but then say you’re new place is in the greatest city on earth.

    How are you in New York and Chicago…AT THE SAME DA- you know what? I’m not doing it. As tempting as it is, I’ll pass on the meme for a while. I’ll just do it sometime in the near Future.

    • Tes

      I like your new name and see what you did there with it.

      As for the greatest city…I have an unhealthy bias for Atlantic City, Philadelphia and San Antonio. So I’mma just sit over there —->

      • lol Tes, I didn’t even notice his name change.

        • The F.acially U.nappealling C.hicago

          So that’s how it is? I notice when you get your hair done, and all the other little things you do for me. Like when you wear that new shade of lipstick. Or when your booty’s gotten bigger. Or how you haven’t told anyone that my “The Color Purple” case isn’t actually occupied by the cooresponding disc, but by the Bluray disc of “Soul Plane 2: Because You Wasn’t Offended Enough”.

          I notice all these things about you, yet you couldn’t notice my name?! I’m hurt. And so is the Destroyher. You will pay.

          • MJoy

            We’re too busy looking at your face

            • The F.acially U.nappealling C.hicago

              Good save, bestie…

      • The F.acially U.nappealling C.hicago

        Why thank you Tes? Though I’m lost about what you meant when you said you see what I did with my name. I don’t see anything. My name is completely innocent. Honest.

        I won’t bag on you for having Philly as a candidate for greatest city, as my favorite actor (Will Smith) is from there. As for San Antonio though, Ima need you to do better, joe. Ain’t they still hangin’ black folk in Texas? When they aren’t too busy changing textbooks so that Creationism, instead of science, is taught in BIOLOGY class, that is?

        Yes. I do not like Texas. Not one single bit. Get rid of San Antonio and add Charlotte. You KNOW that city is filled with the most easy going, optimistic, nicest people in the world. How else do you explain someone willingly parting ways with their funds in exchange for Bobcats tickets? I can’t fathom such an insanity that widespread.

        • I won’t bag on you for having Philly as a candidate for greatest city, as my favorite actor (Will Smith) is from there.

          *record scratch* Will Smith? And Philly? Together? Without mourns of Lamentations?

          Going to Rutgers, I know a bunch of people from South Jersey and Philly. They despise the sellout he’s become. The way the average person from Philly talks about him, it’s like they’re talking about their crackhead cousin. Nah…

          • The F.acially U.nappealling C.hicago

            Of course he’s a sellout to them. He’s a successful actor. It’s Philly, man.

        • Tes

          8+ years of my life in Texas, most of it San Antonio. It’s a bias I can’t shake. Besides, I’ve never even been to Charlotte. Fayetteville and Raleigh, yes, but Charlotte? Can’t vouch for that.

      • Demondog06

        Tes just stop it already…we all know that your favorite place was assembly line #6

        • Tes

          I’M A REAL GIRL! *stomps and sulks into the corner*

    • LOL oh trust, “greatest” is used very loosely in this case. do.not.want. to stay here. at all.

      and lmao at your name. smh.

      • The F.acially U.nappealling C.hicago

        Why not, b? I mean we hear all the time about NY is the greatest city ever, word to muver. No one should want to leave NY, son! They got rats THIS big *points to nearest Prius* yo! Who wouldn’t want that, son?! Like, word is bond…5 borroughs…who can top that, b?

        No one…

        • There may be 5 boroughs, but there’s only one The Borough. And oh, by the way, we almost have as many people as Chicago BY OURSELVES.

          I think someone is about to get sonned today. :)

          • The F.acially U.nappealling C.hicago

            I don’t care how many people yall got. It’s not gonna make your horrible pizza taste any better. Or your rats get any smaller. Or the residents get any nicer.

            • It really amazes me how grumpy people are only attributed to New York, as opposed to, say….most urban areas. And I like my pizza foldable, not a glorified tomato pie. NY Pizza is better – even the Supreme Court said so. Lol

        • And what’s with the New York shade? Why are you abusing slang phrases like that? Ain’t our fault we tripled up on Chicago, and have a nicer subway system. :)

          • Kema

            “New York is an ugly city, a dirty city. Its climate is a scandal, its politics are used to frighten children, its traffic is madness, its competition is murderous. But there is one thing about it — once you have lived in New York and it has become your home, no place else is good enough.” John Steinbeck

            • Demondog06

              And it smells like urine…….word life son!

            • John Steinbeck was CORRECT. Disgusting city. Smells horribly. Polluted. Overcrowded. Expensive. Not all it’s cracked up to be…but man, once you experience it, once it becomes your home…it grabs your heart and never lets go. Even if you leave it you still have a soft spot in your heart for it.

              I never thought I could love and hate something as equally
              And as passionately
              As I do you
              My city that never sleeps
              So strong is my resentment
              And yet I still love you
              Like a battered wife I silently curse you
              And yet I refuse to leave you
              I want to live my life without you
              But I can’t imagine you not being in it
              Oh apple that is so big
              How you have failed me!
              The city of millions of people
              My city of loneliness…
              I complain about your cruelty
              Yet I instantly come to your defense
              When you were attacked I cried as though you were human
              As though it was my mother or father who was bruised
              I bleed when you are abused
              And yet
              You continue to abuse me…
              Oh city of wide streets
              How narrow is my future here!
              How limited are my possibilities
              In a city where the buildings aim to reach infinity
              Oh city that broke my heart
              How can I find true love in your subways
              In your buses
              In your parks
              In your bridges
              All worn out with time
              Oh city that has broken my spirit
              How I saw you as Mecca
              But you did not enlighten me…
              Should I face my greatest fear
              And finally leave you?
              Because I have no idea who I am without you
              Should I finally let go of you
              And just have you as a memory of once upon a time?
              Should I just hold you as the past
              And have my future be elsewhere?
              Not that it matters, city that I hate more than myself,
              You will never feel my absence the way I will feel yours…

              I’ll always love you, New York.

          • chameleonic

            when I think of New York I think everyone is a thug. like that city is legit, no joke. you dont live in NYC you hail from NYC. you dont move out of NYC youve *survived* NYC. ppl from New York always make me think of them like war veterans. Chicago on the other hand? I always think of saxaphones and brick streets with golden glows from blues shops and zoot suits. i always think of old school chicago and the beauty and the culture and how just generally moody and awesome it is but at the same New York just has this air of age and character and importance. im team rural though. =x

          • New York is rude and loud and dirty and fast for no reason and smelly and insane.

            i don’t hate it at all. but i wouldn’t raise a child here or make it my permanent home.

            i feel like it’s only for self-absorbed 20 and 30-something professionals, old money families, and aspiring actor/singer/model/writer people.

            • New York City != Manhattan. The rest of us folk in the Outer Boroughs see the people in Manhattan for what they are, and keep it moving. Dealing with them is kind of the price of admission for all the cool stuff we have nearby. :)

              • Rewind

                Exactly. Non-New Yorkers will never understand this. They got caught up by fancy stuff on Sex & the City and think they will come here for dreams. But that’s just 20 blocks of Manhattan. The rest of NY is a beast, and should you survive it, you are a completlely reformed person.

                No place like home, which is why I need to move the fawk out of this city again.

              • you know i looooooove Brooklyn. before i moved here, i’d only been to BK, really.

                now i live in Harlem and i think i’ve been to BK maybe twice in a whole year. womp.

                maybe i should get out there more. i don’t like the Bronx and Queens is like a citysuburb.

                • Queens is like a citysuburb? Hey, it’s been my home for all but 2 1/2 years of my life. Come on out! The streets are cleaner, but we have functional mass transit!

                  • As someone who grew up in Manhattan, I was shy on moving to Queens, but now I love in the Ditmars section of Astoria and love it. Super residential but twenty minutes away from the heart of Manhattan. Best of both worlds, really. (Except for whenever I’m trying to make Brooklyn moves….when you don’t have a car that commute is cumbersome as a mug)

                • Muze, the Bronx is a heck of an experience, let me tell you! But I grew to love that place. Its rough exterior masking its internal vulnerability. The real concrete jungle. It’s eat or be eaten and yet it feeds you some nice moments at times. Maybe it’s because the Bronx is the least liked of all the boroughs. Even Staten Island gets a bit more love. I always root for the underdog so the Bronx grew on me. It doesn’t compare to my love, Harlem. Will I raise my children in the Bronx? Doubtful, but I learned so much in this borough that I think I can survive pretty much anywhere at this point.

              • I actually love the outer boroughs. Don’t get me wrong, Manhattan is awesome. I grew up in Harlem so Manhattan will always stay with me, but I truly love Brooklyn and the Bronx. Queens, not so much. Hate Staten Island.

            • As much as I love NY, I’m with you on not raising a family here. Seeing how this city can swallow people up if you don’t have a strong sense of self firsthand, I wouldn’t want to roll the dice on my kids. However, I would definitely want to make sure they were city adjacent – I’ve also seen to many friends come from too sheltered environments and not be able to handle themselves when they get to “the big city.” Wouldn’t need to be NY, but I’d want to make sure that we had relatively easy access to a major metropolitan area so that they get some exposure to it.

            • Britico Chick

              thank u! even though i’ve been to NYC, i don’t understand the fascination with it. but y’all might say I’m a snob coz i’m from over the pond – from the grand United Kingdom. LOL

          • Medium Meech

            NY is like Paris; expensive, glitzy but kind of dirty, rude, superficial, stays up all night, everybody wants to run through it in their 20s but nobody wants to commit to it, and it will burn you dont protect yourself. Yup, just like Paris Hilton.

    • Juiciest Mango

      Dear MY crater inducing lover,

      The combination of our current names with a [the] in between, is phakkin epic.

      F.U.C.K. the Juiciest Mango.

      Yours In Wanton Undress,
      Juiciest Mango-from the coastlines of the Indian Ocean

      • The F.acially U.nappealling C.hicago

        I love it. This is proof that our union will be one that topples the likes of Jay-Once’ and KimYe.

        Well done my Nubian Goddess. Well done. When this world is ours, the first thing on the agenda…is to make all of the Shrimp Scampi is the world mine forever.

    • Please. Chi-town is great, but it isn’t NYC. NYC is terrible, but you gotta love it!

      • The F.acially U.nappealling C.hicago


  • nillalatte

    Living alone is awesome & can be a lil lonely sometimes. I was 22 when I moved into my 1st place. An apartment that was on the top level & had a birds eye view balcony. At the time I was really into plant life (stop). I had 18 tropical plants in my apt. That was my decoration – a forest.

    I had a 10 piece sectional and spent a lot of my free time moving shyt around. It was so freaking fun for a good while. But sometimes friends found it hard to leave my jungle paradise & I had to literally put they arse out- in the cold too.

    I haven’t lived alone since. I guess the next time will be in an old peoples home… lol… shyt happens.

  • Juiciest Mango

    I once lived with a dude who possessed multiple personalities. JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Talk about a motherphakka.

    Living alone means ownership of sanity and clarity of mind.

    NB:// There is absolutely no way on earth I would live alone in the motherland. What?! That shyt kray!!

  • The F.acially U.nappealling C.hicago

    Me personally, I like living alone with a room mate. Especially when he’s a close friend. The whole doing whatever you want to thing is the sh!t. Plus is always turns me into a neat freak. When I’m by myself, I’m junky as hell. When I got a room mate though, I do a complete 180. I’ll be the neatest person you know.

    Moving in with a female though, a girlfriend to be exact, is a different matter entirely. I enjoy doing what I want to do. And I usually spend hours a day playing videogames/drawing art/writing stories. Females demand a ton of attention and will usually invade whatever I’m doing to get it if they feel like I haven’t given them enough. Not saying I won’t spend time with her, I will, A LOT, but I need some “me” time, you know? That’s why I’m hesitant about moving in with a girlfriend. A female room mate who I’m just friends with, though? I can get into that. In fact, I plan to move in with one hopefully early next year.

    • Thai

      Moving in with a significalt other actually freaks me out.

      • Rewind

        Same here.

        It will probably happen next year, but it just doesn’t feel like it’s the right time.

      • The F.acially U.nappealling C.hicago

        Me too, actually. I’m afraid they’ll drive me crazy…or since I wake up next to them every day and see them every day I’ll get bored/annoyed with them, etc. I think we’ll have more cobflicts and such.

    • This screen name… *falls out*

      • The F.acially U.nappealling C.hicago

        *Resuscitates by putting Harolds chicken with mild sauce near your nose.*

        You aight, joe? What happen?

    • me time is imperative no matter what, though. living together doesn’t change that.

      it does help that we’re both writers in some capacity.

      there are hours spent in complete silence aside from the click of keyboards. lol. i like to sketch too. can’t wait to bring my easel here.

      • The F.acially U.nappealling C.hicago

        Easel? Like, the big ones people paint on? I don’t have one of those. I’m a pencil and paper artist.

      • MJoy

        I just used to tell my ex to go away. He’d do the same. Then you have your “me” time.

  • This sounds like my parents. My pops has the grossest couch in the living room that mom has been trying to destroy. She can’t lift it and none of us want to deal with his whinning so it stays in the living room.

    Living alone creeps me the hell out. No matter how long I do this is will always be foreign to me. I currently live in a tiny studio apartment which is the bane of my existence. Never again! Next year hopefully I can find a better place but since I’m skedaddling out of the country we’ll see. It is hard finding a place abroad with the ‘wrong’ passport. The main things I need in my space are two big bookcases so I can get my reading on and an oven to bake like a bawse.

    • ooooh where are you moving?

      • I’m leaving Korea for England or France. I’m ready to sign dem papers my time here is way overdue. lol

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