***editors note*** before we get started, we’d like to let everyone know that vsb.com was featured in the philly, new york, and boston editions of the metro news, the “worlds largest global newspaper yesterday, and we’d like to thank all of you for helping us grow and allowing sh*t like this to happen. riley, springer, and the wart hogs would be proud.***
The Goggles
Without fail, everybody has worn them before at least once. We never know when we’re actually wearing them, and the realization that we possessed them doesn’t usually come until days afterwards, hitting us like a bag of bricks in the shower, making us voice the universal rhetoric question to ourselves, “WTF WAS I THINKING?????”
This deadly accessory, the opposite sex altering goggle, comes in many forms. We already know about “beer goggles”, so i’d like to introduce you to three others that are just as potent.
1. WORK GOGGLES
Work Goggles describes what happens when you’re in an office environment, and you start making arguments in your head for people you were never really attracted to to begin with. “You know, sometimes when she wears clear heels on spring Wednesdays, in the right light, her eyes seem mysterious and her breasts look pretty ripe. I should probably try to have sex with her”.
Also, if the “new” person (someone who’s recently been hired or a temp) has even a shred of attractiveness, they’ll automatically become that office’s version of Benny Bratt or Gabby Union for at least two months without fail. It’s just like 7th grade, when the new girl from Texas transferred in and everybody broke their necks to see who’d get her phone number first. As soon as the first number is handed out, she’s basically forgotten forever. If you hated junior high you’ll probably hate working in an office.
Work Goggle Plusses: Three words: copy room quickies. Also, there is the possibility that the constant close contact has allowed you to notice an attractive part of their personality that you may have overlooked in a different setting. And, you know, at least you know that the person has a job.
Work Goggle Minuses: Five words: don’t sh*t where you eat. If it (the relationship) does work, then you run the possibility of breaking up just because you’re tired of seeing them 24 hours a day everyday. If you have sex and the relationship doesn’t work, then you create the possibility of your office turning into the West Bank or Newark, New Jersey. There is no greater hell than a workplace divided by someone’s sexual activity or relationship status.
what to avoid
Verdict: Unless you’re convinced that they’re your Neo, try to shy away from this. 9 times out of 10, three months later you’ll be in your cubicle, reading and replying to some horrific Alex Forrest-esque email while shaking your head and asking yourself “Damn. What the hell was I thinking?”
2. COLLEGE GOGGLES
(Since college aged males disgust most women older than 22, “college goggles” is strictly a male phenomenon, and I suggest that all the ladies just move on to number 3.)
College goggles occur when you’re out of school, but you either work near a university or have college students working for or with you. This prolonged contact, along with the viewing of countless Maxim’s, SmoothMag’s and GirlsGoneWild infomercials, causes you to assume that all college aged women are easier than a G.E.D. test for dyslexic kittens. Every 19-22 year old women you see all of a sudden becomes a young Roxy Reynolds in your eyes, waiting to be turned-out by your studly, Hefneresque older-male wit.
College Goggle plusses: Remember this, “…causes you to assume that all college aged women are easier than a G.E.D. test for dyslexic kittens…”? Well, nowadays, that’s probably true. Plus, since most college aged people are broke and living off of cafeteria food and Ramen noodles, a date to the food court at the mall is their version of Spago, and will basically guarantee sex
College Goggle minuses: If you’re over 30, it’s generally not a good idea to date people who aren’t old enough to legally drink. You never want to have to perform “old man duties” (Driving them places, buying beer for their roommates, etc) and having sex in a dorm room when you’re not college-aged is basically a sign of a complete loser.
Verdict: Since you’re basically guaranteed easy guilt-free sex, this isn’t a completely bad thing, especially if you could somehow rationalize to yourself and your God why the hell your 34 year old ass is having sex in the bottom bunk of some 6 by 8 foot dorm room after slithering past the R.A. If you’re okay with all of that, then knock yourself out, lil champ.
3. DROUGHT GOGGLES
you’re horny. he’s waiting
You’re going through a longer than usual (and “usual” in this case is relative. For some it could be two weeks. For others, two years) period of a lack of opposite sex contact. This decreases your usual standards tremendously, but, at this point, you could really care less. The mailman, your kids school-bus driver, your parole officer, DMX, your ex…right now, it doesn’t matter. You just need to get it done, quickly.
Drought Goggle plusses: There’s a chance that you’ll feel 100 times better after you “break your seal”. Once you break that seal, there’s a chance you’ll be happier, more efficient at work, nicer to pets, more prone to recycle and less prone to commit violent crimes.
Drought Goggle minuses: There a chance that you’ll feel 100 times worse after you “break your seal” because you compromised your integrity for something that wasn’t that good anyway.
Verdict: If you ever find yourself with these on, take them off as soon as possible. You’re in a drought for a reason, and wearing the goggles will just be a temporary fix to an increasingly permanent problem. Remember, even a Brussels sprouts and liver flavored milkshake would taste great if you were hungry enough.
A pair of goggles every now and then isn’t such a bad thing. Sure, they’re irresponsible, inherently misleading, and occasionally dangerous, but someone always has to be the butt of the jokes in your circle of friends, the “too old man” sneaking out the dorms, or the cause of World War III at work…why can’t it be you?
—the champ
(happy dance) I’m first! I will admit, I have worn ALL THREE sets of goggles…result…stalker…stalker…STD! in that order! (dropping mic and walking off the stage)
OMG…dayum!
*Sexual Chocolate* drops mic.
(happy dance) I’m first! I will admit, I have worn ALL THREE sets of goggles…result…stalker…stalker…STD! in that order! (dropping mic and walking off the stage)
this is either the best or the worst comment of the month so far. i can’t figure out which
thanks…I think…lol
Congrats VSBs. I for one enjoy the back and forth banner between the bloggers here so it’s good to see you in print.
Now to your post–there should be a ban on goggles.
“Now to your post–there should be a ban on goggles.”
who exactly should we elect to impose this ban?
There would be a new agency–GI-Goggle Intervention–motto: To ban the use of all goggles. If we notice you with them on, we will have the right to intervene and slap some sense into you.
“There would be a new agency–GI-Goggle Intervention–motto: To ban the use of all goggles.”
what if one of the members is caught wearing goggles?
LOL The Champ–then Houston, we have a problem.
Congrats, guys! I’ve worn the drought goggles, but he had nice teeth, so it didn’t count. I will NEVER wear work goggles….I learned that lesson the hard way waaay back when I worked at the park district over the summer in high school. I have friends who still live in Tallahassee, and date college boys. So the guys aren’t alone on that one.
“I have friends who still live in Tallahassee, and date college boys. So the guys aren’t alone on that one.”
out of college chicks dating college dudes. who’d a thunk it
Are you speaking of (plundering) dating only undergrads? Colleges and University’s are a great place to find older more professional students, typical college age dudes think older (who are we kidding~ALL) women are kind of hot. I don’t know why they get so distressed when I tell them I’m old enough to be their mom.
Congrats on VSB making the papers…I may have to adopt an alias as a result
i’m only refering to cats who still actually live in dorms. professional students are a different story
A friend I see when I walk by the mirror is wearing work goggles right now. Its not a relationship, just frequent coital meetings. They dont even see eachother at work (they work in two different departments). How long before it has the potential to get ugly? What are the warning signs?
“Its not a relationship, just frequent coital meetings.”
love that
does that constitute a workplace fling if you fling outside of the office?
“does that constitute a workplace fling if you fling outside of the office?”
ummm…yeah.
so, in your opinion, if you’re not boning in the break room, it doesnt count?
Not IMO.
another shirt idea
tshirt idea was in response to “Its not a relationship, just frequent coital meetings.”
Ladytreez, ur-ruhm, are you sweating my flow?
I think another pair of a goggles that’s similar to “drought” goggles are “birthday goggles” and/or “vacation goggles”…rationalizing to do whatever with whoever just cause its a special occasion never turns out well for me.
Vacation goggles may not be all that bad… except when you have pictures and you look back like “Dang, what was I thinking!”
“Vacation goggles may not be all that bad… except when you have pictures and you look back like “Dang, what was I thinking!””
see, i still don’t know if i had vacation goggles when i went to caribana in 02 because i didnt take any pics. my friend said she was fine though…but he was drunk as hell too.
I had a friend that went to Jamaica w/ vacation goggles, trying to be Stella. I laughed so hard at those pics…
Speak on it! I have worn Vacation goggles twice and with my damn luck one of the men actually moved to the ‘A’ and seriously thought we could become an item. GTFOH!
“one of the men actually moved to the ‘A’ and seriously thought we could become an item. ”
thats some serious, ummm, “stuff” you must have going on, to get a dude to leave his country to find it. damn. i’m scared of that stuff
Don’t be scurrred!
AND I’m LMAO at the visual created by the idea of the old man sneaking past the RA’s room for come college punany…TRIFLING!
“AND I’m LMAO at the visual created by the idea of the old man sneaking past the RA’s room for come college punany…TRIFLING!”
sneaking past ra’s at 20: genius
sneaking past ra’s at 30: goblin
Funnier…when it’s an old ass (30 year old+) college employee (the janitor, one of the drivers, etc.) sneaking into the dorm. It’s like, they could get fired, but they don’t care. I guess that young poon is worth it…
LMAO @ JBoogie. Ya’ll are clowing today
*clowning
“Funnier…when it’s an old ass (30 year old+) college employee (the janitor, one of the drivers, etc.) sneaking into the dorm. It’s like, they could get fired, but they don’t care. I guess that young poon is worth it…”
even worse if its a professor (a seemingly common occurance while i was in school)
Yep…that happened at mine too. We had this one professor from Nigeria…he used to hit on the girls all the time. He tried with me, but I was already hip to the game…I wasn’t trying to mess with nobody that was 20+ years older than me.
seen that happen many a-times!
I have only worn the Drought Goggles in the past. And every single time I end up pissed at myself asking what the fuck was I thinking. On more than on occassion I started asking myself that question while we were still in the act and had to stop it. (But of course by this time I had gotten mine already. Hell, I was in a drought! Had he brushed up against me in the the club while any Mannie Fresh track produced between 1998-2000 was playing I would have likely climaxed.)
“(Had he brushed up against me in the the club while any Mannie Fresh track produced between 1998-2000 was playing I would have likely climaxed.)”
oh yes. i’ve seen many chicks with near orgasmic faces on the dance floor
Oh and please lets not forget the Break-Up Goggles. This is for that old adage, ‘The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one.’
This one comes with all kinds of complications and potential side effects.
“Oh and please lets not forget the Break-Up Goggles. This is for that old adage, ‘The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one.’”
*adding to goggle list*
Break-up goggles should also be known as rebound goggles which have gotten oh so many people in a world of trouble. Damn the rebound goggles.
Have worn these before…took me a little while to take them off, I’m afraid…
I picked up the Philly Metro today just for the crossword and never even read anything else in there. Too bad. I would have cut out the little article and folded it 8 times, placed it under my pillow and made a wish.
Damn my addiction to word puzzles!!!!
“Damn my addiction to word puzzles!!!!”
this sounds like my dad. my dad has actually has crossword puzzle book catalogs mailed to the house
Oh, and I’ll tell you the only plus related to opposite sex altering goggles that matters: Even if you DO link up and smash, you reserve the right to not count that person in your ultimate, lifetime smut tally.
Hmm, that sounds like the topic of a VSB post in the making.
“Even if you DO link up and smash, you reserve the right to not count that person in your ultimate, lifetime smut tally. ”
remember my comment about being allergic to bullsh*t?
well, i’m sneezing again.
LOL @ sneezing again.
“Even if you DO link up and smash, you reserve the right to not count that person in your ultimate, lifetime smut tally. ”
I hate to say this out loud…but when women decide not to count a sexual encounter in their overall tally, it’s chick logic. (Hanging my head in shame for using this phrase) You had sex with another dude and thus, the total tally goes up by 1. Good or bad, that’s one more runthrough. LOL Quit living in denial ladies. You picked him, he counts!
what does it mean when you have stopped counting?
I means that you would be the best person to start a game of ‘I Never’.
gee thanks.
what does it mean when you have stopped counting?
……..
aw dayum.
Nah, hon, they count too…no matter how much you don’t want to count them…
Yeah…that guy I told to stop mid-stroke…I never count him. It seems silly to include him…lol
I bet he counts you though (lol)…
you bet your ass he counts you!
i actually know a chick who tried to tell me she didnt count her first time b/c it only lasted for like 5 minutes…
she swore she was still a virgin. the dude that hit? put her ass on his wall “chicks i done hit off”. strange occurrence when a dude is claiming to have stroked a chick who claims to be a virgin – not just he didn’t hit, but NOBODY has.
ripley’s bitch. believe it or not.
Damn it Jim!!!
LMAO
If you let him in, he counts. It’s not like the 5 second rule when people drop things on the floor. lol
LMAO the vagina 5 second rule: he only got the tip in, or I couldn’t feel him. LMMFAO
I disagree. If neither one of us “arrived” it didn’t count.
OH HELL NAW! that is just bad it still counts. Put it in the column marked BAD, never to be revisited again
Congrats brothas! Much continued success with VSB!
I have to admit, ive worn the work goggles and the drought goggles at the same time. (hangs head in shame) Not to make excuses …but I was young and stupid..fresh out of college and on my first job..it had been awhile and he had swagger and nicotine breath…ugh..the more we got involved the sticker the situation got. Thank sweet minty jesus he moved away..lol
NEVER AGAIN..!!
Word to the wise : “Think before you leap!”
thanks for the compliment, and thank you sweet minty jesus for helping aja out
Ok Champ ya asleep @ the wheel. Best t shirt ever.
Thank you sweet minty Jesus!
yeah…you’re right, although i think “thank you sweet minty jesus for the champ”, with “vsb.com” on the back works even better, but thats just me
OMG! not “Thank sweet minty Jesus”… I will be using this one!…
@ Champ…tshirt much?
I’ve worn all and even the birthday/vacation goggles!! I’ve had good and bad experiences with them all! Even now I’m dealing with a few that don’t understand yhat it was what it was and that’s it!!! The college goggles won’t leave me alone although it was good as hell! She made me feel like a dirty old man when I would pull up outside the GSU dorms and I was just 6 years older than she was!!! The work goggles tried to file sexual harassment charges on me, but everybody knew the truth!!! And I’m still stuck trying to get rid of the drought chick!! She was great in bed, but when I found out she had 4 kids, all by different fathers, I knew I didn’t want to be the next making child support payments to her!! She is still bugging me as we speak to come over!! Another drought chick wants to be my girl but while she put me through 7 months of holding off, I find out that she’s gotten over her hump by humping 3 others, which she vehemently denies and gets mad at me when I speak to another woman!!! I’m going back to celibacy!! At least I was happier then!!
yeah…goggles havent been good for you, lol
Damn…never trust a big butt and a smile.
POOOISSSSSSOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
*Smiles*
But how many of us men really take heed to that? I mean, who can resist a big butt and a smile? Not me, that’s for sure! I can barely resist a nice smile alone, so throw in the big butt and it is far more than a wrap!
I find that to be so true!! It’s like Kryptonite!!
DG & Buck…I couldn’t agree more. It’s undeniable…in all honesty, she doesn’t even have to be that cute for you to take notice of that fatty.
I’ve witness many guilla monster’s with ass so phat that you could see it from the front (word to Mos Def)!
And you would know wouldn’t you…lol.
I’m going home to do some sqats tonight. **cheesing**
“I can barely resist a nice smile alone, so throw in the big butt and it is far more than a wrap!”
*nodding head in reluctant agreement*
What if the chick smiling has eclectic teeth? lol
u have to inform me of the eclectic teeth!!
and i’m also a sucka for nice, big, round, firm breast!! get it…a sucker!! LOL!!!
Wow…that was the best you could do mister.
it’s not funny if you have to explain it
Damn y’all are cold blooded! LOL! But it was pretty corny though…..
Congrats on the article.
thanks and shit
Congratulations and sh* t for your recent acknowledgments.
“having sex in a dorm room? when you’re not college-aged is basically a sign of a complete loser.”
Indeed.
“Brussels sprouts and liver flavored milkshake would taste great if you were hungry enough.”
LOL! You and your food references. Love the combinations.
p.s. Yea! Thanks for the editing feature!
“LOL! You and your food references. Love the combinations.”
thank you. i just have a unique palette
Good look guys on that article.
I’m trying to avoid everything that you wrote in the “drought goggles” section, right ’bout now.
DMX though….IDK that’s a hard one to pass up.
Tell em again. I’d let his crackheaded ass bend me … oh, tmi again? My bad.
You feel me Cheryl?
*Arf, Arf!!!*
Oh and if he barked during the act?
Yeah, I probably need help.
Nah Cheryl. You’re fine.
Wait…even now? He looks like he weighs 90 pounds, which includes the 60 pound pair of Timbalands. Dirty Tims…but Tims nonetheless.
You don’t seem to understand I’m 6 months into my drought do you? ::giggle::
Still, that’s no excuse for blindness. To me, it’s on par with finding Paris Hilton hot.
I think you all just keep thinking of the “Belly” scene.
Stuck in the past you are.
Nah…not even the belly. I’m just a fan…I know all the lyrics, I just think he could put it down.
Sadly he can’t. *sighing*
“Sadly he can’t. *sighing*”
further. explaination. needed.
You shol’ right…further explanation IS needed.
Stat!!!!!
just trust me on this one… *bowing my head in shame*
Thanks for keepin it real Teacia. I will now go home and burn my Belly DVD.
Okay Teacia. Gotcha. *pours a lil’ liquor out for my DMX fantasy*
Congrats on the print acknowledgemnt. I saw it in NYC’s paper and joined the blog , as soon as I got to work- let the e-tomfoolery begin!!
Anybody ever where “drunken goggles”???
I personally have never work “drunken goggles” but know a few friends that have AND i learned from their “drunken googgles” incident -which led right into “work stalker goggles” hilarious!
Drunken goggles are the best until you get sober
I have worn the “drunken goggles” and they should add “dont drink and have sex with new booty” to “dont drink and drive”. One time while wearing my “drunken goggles”, I thought I had mind blowing sex. But after sobriety hit, and I decided to have conciously aware sex with the “drunken goggles” recipient, the realization hit me in the face…mind blowing??? not so much….
funny, the particular friend I metnioned whose drunk goggles led to stalker work goggles had one more very not-so-funny compnonent. She was completely out of it and was awakened by a rank odor and the stalker guy being totally appalled- she sharted!!!!!
“She was completely out of it and was awakened by a rank odor and the stalker guy being totally appalled- she sharted!!!!!”
somebody needs to compile a list of goggles horror stories
my drunken goggles story isn’t horrible just a “tad
unlady like”! While I thought I was Ciara on my b-day, I was out with friends and my husband and his friends. On the way home I proceeded to tell him how much our son loved him, in the worst inebriated speech I could muster, told him what a great father he was and I quote “especially for someone who didn’t have any good male role models in their life and those whack ass friends you have who dont’ take care of their kids, ha hah ah -right honey??!!” – did I mention that 2 of the aforementioned friends WERE IN THE BACKSEAT OF THE CAR!!!! I had to get gangsta a few days later and explain my position, still holding to the point that I think they try their best, however, they do fall short often – once again for the people in the cheap seats – nothing good can come from drunken goggles!
Ya know, I actually think that drunk goggles are the precursor to all other goggles. Once you’ve fallen victim to drunk goggles, you realize the possibilities for other goggles to exist.
Drunk goggles are Erykah Badu.
I concur!
@ PannyDrawls Jackson…”Drunk goggles are Erykah Badu.” huh? Panny you got some splainin to do…
Lawd, and another chimes in on the f*ckery that is calling me Panny.
Quickly, Erykah Badu screws up every man’s vision who’s come into contact with her. She’s the original “goggles”.
Now back to calling me Panny…does that sound like the name of a person you’d ever actually speak to in real life?
I think I’d throw rocks at somebody named Panny.
Hmm…I think you just called me a b*tch now that I think about it!
@Panama~I’v always had the strong urge to call u PNimmy
I’m sorry P (Mister Jackson if you’re nasty)…I would NEVER call you a b*tch baby…not unless you wanted me to…(wink) but I digress…no harm, no foul…I am deleting the “P” word from my e-lexicon…
Erykah is that crack…
Badu is from MIC CITY and she still lives here…so we get a healthy dose of the green eyed bandit in the circles I run in…and I have often been told…”don’t look Badu in the eye”…I would afraid…cause I would SO do her!
its jus something about lil Erykah i wanna do. hmmmm. yep she’s probably mental but errr ahhhhh… that lil booty has rounded and plumped all on a skinny frame. took a have ta long way to come get you. Hoooneeeeey. Mamasutra if ur reading this; pappi hot like choclate take a sip. come here and i’ll help you take that wig off and if you’re lucky maybe we can collide and connect or catch me at Cannes cashing Ben Afflecs’ checks. pappi half black and jalapeno. pappi; where amazing happens. im making campbells cream of panties tonight, special invite. paws, draws, applause. back to your regularly scheduled programming.
@GENIUS (whispering) I’d like to do Erykah too…but you are killing me…
“where amazing happens…paws, draws, applause”
I’m doing a show on the 25th…can I put this in a piece if I give you credit? something like… “mind loving like a GENIUS…where AMAZING happens…caressing my lobe…I’m in awe…pause…drawls…applause…”?? please please please…you are my new e-crush!
(blushing and handing over the drawls)…I was way late on yesterday’s post so go check out the bottom…
joanie loves cha-chi. luv u too babe. i’ve been crushed on before but never an e. the spit i kicks ascorbic like vitamin c. say what ya like don’t jus scream my name, spell my name right. g e n i u s k h a n. lets see what you’re talking about over there. hmmmmmmm.
GOODENess gracious woman, read your post from yesterday and it puts new light on your post today. looks like if you had your way i would be a hero. …cause see a hero is a sammich. Toldya GOODENess and Badu wit some Genius in there for good pleasure. i’d like to see Emeril kick that shit up a notch. hmmmmmmm i gotta say i 1/2 ass like how this sounds. tell you what let me do some chefing and maybe we can show them Iron Chefs a thing or two about how to get shit cooking. I got recepies for ya ass. Spiiiiicccccyyyyyyy!
a hero is a sammich…you mean like the sammich I had in the walking at Subway? (wink) YUMMY!
(looking around the room, like I know you for real, cause you’re playing too damn close to home) “SPICY” was my stripper name…quit playing! lol…
BTW…I did an open mic last week and the DJ came up to me and suggested that I see “Cover”…just like you suggested to Toldja the other day…(squinting looking at monitor) where are you typing from again?
mic city huh. kinda wanna see you rock the mic a couple 2, 3, different ways. maybe we collabo on something u can perform on set though 1st. how r ur performance skills ON STAGE with these WORDS cause i got stories and ways for tellinem.
i’m writing from a small planet called earth. yep i claim the whole planet g’dammit. im fluxing in the southeast. although im in ur world im not of your world. i’ve got honeycomb hideouts all over the CONUS and i’ve got diplomatic immunities in some burbs and jects near u. bet? whats really good is, i can be anywhere and everywhere i want to be. now where are you at and is it someplace or somespace i’d want to be? make me know it.
Dallas, TX…(MIC CITY) home of the ride’em right rodeo…
Why so verbose? Are you in jail?
Good Good have you checked out the movie yet? i can only imagine that your set was about some strange relationships. (situationships) let me feel it?
no I haven’t but I plan to this weekend…my sets are usually sensual, rhythmic expressions of life experience…moving…connecting…engulfing…inspiring…to chorus…and shit like that there!
welcome and shit
Word Up on the article fellas…good shyt.
I’ve never seen a positive result from any of the goggles so I make a concious effort to not wear them.
“Word Up on the article fellas…good shyt.”
thanks monk. it always makes you feel good when you get a compliment from someone named “monk” or “priest”
I am guilty on two counts and the Birthday, Vacation, Drunk goggles. Its amazing what impaired judgement (drought and drunkeness) will do, it makes the most physically unatractive people attractive and the most obnoxious people have the best personality. Then there is the next day, when you remember or your closest and dearest (others around you) remind you what you took home. . I agree with a previous post A BAN ON GOGGLES!!!
I assume birthday goggles means that its your birthday and you’re hellbent on getting some? To me, birthday goggles seem on par with drought goggles. If you’re so focused on getting some on your birthday that you’ll sleep with somebody you normally wouldn’t, my guess is that you ain’t had none in a while. Especially since most birthday booty is generally premeditated.
It was written.
Ya know, the birthday goggles seem to be a woman thing…I’ve yet to hear some dude or myself say “You know what…f*ck it, it’s my birtday…it’s MY day and I’m gonna go ahead and bone this chick!”
More like, “It’s Wednesday…I’m horny…and it’s lunch time, let’s see if Lisa wants to meet me for a ‘nooner’.”
@AkShone…Wednesday huh? would those be “hump day” goggles?
LOL…nope, just a “it’s-a-hot-and-sunny-day-and-last-time-I-saw-Lisa-she-had-on-a-fitting-sun-dress-and-she-looked-hot” day.
“Ya know, the birthday goggles seem to be a woman thing…”
i agree. i think women are actually more pressed in general about birthdays than we are, but thats another topic for another day and sh*t
I think you are correct, birthdays for most women are an all out parade replete with a new outfit, special hair, extravagant shoes and a litany of fabulous events lined up, none of which the birthday broad pays for!!! I personally feel there should be a national holiday in my honor on my born- day!!
my birthday falls on a national holiday (Memorial Day Weekend) or often on that weekend which is also the unofficial beginning of the summer season so I actually celebrate all summer long in honor of me. But on my birthday I do say it is NATIONAL ANA DAY and expect to be treated in a manner befitting royalty and not have to come out my pockets to do so. I think that is why the birthday belly bumping isn’t such an issue for me since I usually celebrate all weekend (truth be told I start celebrating on cinco de mayo)
you start celebrating on cinco de mayo- LMAO!
a lot of women seem to be more psyched about holidays period and i believe that beween them and the shopkeepers of the world birthed santa (btw those same letters make satan, for what its worth) the easter bunny, (WTF) valentines day and a myriad of other non-sensical bullshit. (being stoned to death….. help, hel
cinco de mayo is my crossing anniversary… and since my birthday is 21 days later I figure what the hell and it falls on one of the biggest cookout weekends of the year… it has nothing to do with Holidays its really all about me using the resources around me… so if anything I am exploiting them. (that sounds bad)
btw I totally agree with you regarding the shopkeepers and hallmark, its a retailers dream to rope women in, cause then they know we pressure the men to buy stuff for us on Valentine’s Day, Christmas, New year’s our birthday, etc…
“birthday goggles seem on par with drought goggles” on a personal note drunken and birthday goggles have collided in the past. This past birthday (2 weeks ago) I spent alone intentionally.
I wore birthday goggles a few years back and still have parts of the night I dont’ remember. Luckily it didn’t end up wit me proclaiming “who’s d*ck is this” (a la Martin-you so crazy) the morning after. The goggles did render me absolutely delusional by thinking my grown @$$ was Ciara re-enacting the slowjam video with the chair and mic stand. Did I mention, my singing voice is horrible- even my son doesn’t want to hear it- awesome – Drunk goggles prevail!!!!
You know, I have never had birthday sex. EVER! Even when I was in a relationship. Heck, eventhis year I missed it by 15 mins. My girls always end up getting some on my birthday and I go without. That is our running joke. After each one of them finishes, they call me to say Happy Birthday and Thanks! Last year every single one of those heffas had good sex on my birthday and I didnt get any.
“After each one of them finishes, they call me to say Happy Birthday and Thanks!”
you have funny friends. cold, but funny
I too have worn…vacation goggles…drunk as hell goggles…and bifocals of two..I will call them BAYOU CLASSIC 2002 goggles!! no stalkage or STDness from those bad boys…but I did get an offer for an NO apt (rent paid) and a call from an irrate girlfriend in the week that followed!
“I will call them BAYOU CLASSIC 2002 goggles!! ”
this made me choke on my donuts and grits.
tsk tsk tsk…all them carbs!
That really is super great on the article. t-shirts here we come.
You sound all nice and shit over here, but back at home(home being SBM) you’re all hostile and shit…lol.
“You sound all nice and shit over here, but back at home(home being SBM) you’re all hostile and shit…lol.”
lemme find out we’re getting the comeback girls representative
yep, she has the pr rep working overtime over in dese hur parks!
I feel sad to say that I’ve suffered from all three. . . at the same time.
Anyway, at my last place, we had a term for the first one: work hot.
We realized this when we started seeing some of the “hotties” from work at the club and then saw how they compared to other girls there. . .
Even before this though, we started telling each other to “stop putting pu**y on a pedestal”. That was our catchall for any of the dreaded opposite sex goggles.
Ya know, the funny shit about work goggles is that for me, it has generally subsided the second I’d step outside and been reintroduced to natural air. Something about the air inside of buildings isn’t conducive to quality thought about the opposite sex.
Panama said’Something about the air inside of buildings isn’t conducive to quality thought about the opposite sex.’
I agree 100%!! I don’t know if it’s the chemical in the carpet or the fact that you’re only required to use 4% of your brain. So hard to stay focused. After about two hours I’m really hot and bothered.
I have a question. Is Valentine’s day googles the same as Birthday googles?
ooh Valentine’s Day, I would say that is even worse. There is more pressure to acquire some on Valentine’s Day, though I have never worn Valentine’s Day Goggles.
I’m most guilty of valentine’s day googles. It’s the getting flowers in the office or get flowers in general. I love fresh flowers and my husband is the only man that has ever given me flowers. Crazy. When I was single I would be so sad on valentine’s day because I wanted flowers and it wouldn’t happen. Then the next man to say anything that resembled a compliment (included things like “hi lady” , “how are you today” or simply “happy valentine’s day” would give access to the panties. I’m so glad that part of my life is over. I vow never to be that desperate again. Ban the Googles.
Something about getting nice flowers at the office. Emphasis on nice because I’ve seen some tacky arrangements arrive as well. It’s just romantic.
Valentine’s Day goggles do exist for women. It’s like around February 1st, the goggle police just start passing them out. Don’t put them on ladies. It’s a set-up.
happy wednesday Nut. welcome to today. Congratulations it’s me!
sincerely,
originalis abstractus blackness
Umm what @ Genius Khan
whatever it is does it come with fresh flowers? If so..
Hi you!!! are those for me. xoxo (in all the right places)
don’t forget, If you do a good job, there will be pancakes!!!!!
Man, ya’ll should just call it holiday goggles and call it a day. I’ve never went without on my birthday or any GOOD holiday!
That little black book always gets used if I am NOT in a relationship and the person on the other end already know the deal.
Somebody said men don’t do b’day goggles and I disagree. A dude wants to get laid on his b’day, just like a chick.
E, that’s true, but I mean in the rational sense. Some women will rationalize the reason they slept with somebody (i.e., “I don’t know why I let Tyrone get the honey-pot…but what the hell, it was my birthday!”)…for most men, no rational needed. If I want her and she’s down then let the stomach slapfest begin (as pre-battle gladiator horns sound off)!!!
“I feel sad to say that I’ve suffered from all three. . . at the same time.”
oh gosh. i’m just glad your made it out alive
Congrats The Champ and Panny on the recognition! That’s whats up!
The goggles that get me caught up the most is the “I Am Woman” Goggles. Should I wear said goggles with my favorite Vodka Goggles … I WILL curse myself out the next morning. Unless he is extra uber fine and was worth the time. Nah imma still be mad at me.
I’ve never really worn work goggles. I have had crushes on men at work, but never followed through until after one of us no longer worked there.
When I was in New Orleans in April – had my parents and my children not been with me – I would have had on many different pairs of vacation goggles.
Hey Cheryl…I think you just called me Panny.
Ouch.
Yes I did just call you Panny.
Someone else had called you Panny on a previous blog comment, and therefore henceforth forthright you shall be so called – Panny.
Morning Panny.
“Someone else had called you Panny on a previous blog comment, and therefore henceforth forthright you shall be so called – Panny.”
Yeah, I’m gonna have to go on and disagree with that statement. It was frowned up on then and it’s frowned upon now. For one, it ain’t a good nickname…at all. For two, it’s just a bad name or word in every sense of possible meaning.
However, if it’s in your heart to refer to me as Panny, feel free. Go on ahead. I won’t stop you. But I will conjure up my own nicknames. And I’m evil. My comebacks are legendary.
I.Declare.War.
(Mostly, I just don’t like it. Stop it. Thanks for playing.)
Well I can’t have you conjuring up evilness on my behalf. So I will most def have to find a new nickname for you. Please feel free to submit ideas.
kthxmeanie.
LOL…I died laughing when I saw you called him Panny. Awwww Panny, it’s all in love…lol!!
my bad…TEESH started it…I jumped on board…I revoke my former reference to you as “PannyDrawls Jackson” and will either come up with something you can dig…or go back to the name you gave yourself…(waving white lace boyshorts in place of white flag) PLEASE no nicknames for the GOODone…please and thank you!
PannyDrawls Jackson?
p, you’re not gonna stand for this, right?
LMAO!!!! I just love PannyDrawls Jackson and is glad to know that I had something to do with the creation!!
Man this editing feature is HOT!!!!
I feel like I’m watching the old school cartoon where the goofy looking guy (clown like) is poking and harassing the lion in the cage and the narrator keeps telling him to stop so clown dude walks away and then comes back when the narrator is focused on the other animals in the zoo and continues to edge on the lion… nothing good is going to come from this. I can foresee the ending
you need to straighten this shit out quick. now i don’t know u like that but i can’t imagine you want to be called panny. next it will be puss then pie. barney Phife this shit a.s.a.p trust me. i like panties and they are ruining my visualization of them. fuck is they doing b. look at ur face p. this aint you man. just let me know and i’ll come with the verbal assaults. i feel a wave about to curl right now. true killas move in silence and violence. im coming out of stealth mode if this shit don’t end forthwith. you don’t have women changing your diaper and dressing you in lil gay ass knickers and shit, do ya? come on b. for the young men out there, let ya nuts hang.
I just love you man!!!! You alway supply me with the right amount of foolishness to make me laugh out loud (sometimes ya gotta say the whole thing like tribe called quest). Panama know that this man has your back. Ladies I would back down if I were you. He said it before he does not negotiate with terrorist.
congrats on the publicity. and you’ve only had the site up for what, 2 months? you just might take over the world lol.
i’ve experienced all of the above (except college goggles in the form written here) but only acted on the drought goggles. ugh.
i’ve had college goggles when i was in college and there weren’t many black guys so certain ones became “cute” that actually weren’t when compared to the rest of the population.
[edit] you have an edit feature! YES!
“i’ve had college goggles when i was in college and there weren’t many black guys so certain ones became “cute” that actually weren’t when compared to the rest of the population.”
lol…as much as i hate to clown my own city, i think those might just have been “pittsburgh goggles”
the absence of black men in college often leads to something i like to call “something new goggles” [see the movie] a.k.a. “white boy goggles”. and trust me it doesn’t always have to happen in college…
You had me at Roxy Reynolds. Good Lawd.
roxy’s the gift that keeps on giving, and giving, and giving…
oooohhhhh!
ooooohhhhhhh! does she kiss her mother wit a mouf like that.
I’d also like to add club goggles. It is my recommendation that whenever you meet somebody in the club, you walk them OUTSIDE to see them in some sort of non-strobe-intended-to-make-everybody-look-like-Halle-or-Idris-light.
So, so true…damn you Club 112!!!!
akshone…you took it back. club 112!!! in the atl? in s.w.a.t.s…whoa, i almost forgot that place!
Yeah…that damn 112. I moved here in 2002 and that spot had me open! Some good experiences there and some…not so good (lol).
Not to be a geographical killjoy or anything but Club 112 ain’t never seen NO parts of the SWATS. That shit was on Cheshire Bridge Road which is North Atlanta in Buckhead and then it moved to Peachtree in Midtown.
SWATS clubs??? MBK back in the day and after hours spots full of naked women with stab wounds…
RIP Montreats!
I speak of the Cheshire Bridge location…never checked it out once it moved to midtown. LOL @ MBK…I heard about that spot.
Montreats!!! lol. my bad, you’re right about 112 but there was a swats club with numbers in it…i think it was called 559, (that was drunk goggles central, but i knew better even then…all you have to do is wait for the lights to come on!) but that may have been before your time P… as was the warehouse downtown.
Yeah, you’re speaking of 559 (RIP). And I don’t even know how that place was drunk goggles central. Everybody there looked bad drunk or sober. That shit looked like every bad hood movie had weekly reunion of all the stunt doubles and babymomma understudies.
559 was the shit. And don’t even get me started on The Warehouse. For a college freshman, that club was THE spizzot. Not to mention the Nike Pavillion.
P…you gotta copyright some of the sh*t you say man…”That shit looked like every bad hood movie had weekly reunion of all the stunt doubles and babymomma understudies.” so true, so true. But 559 & the warehouse were the sh*t and i loved to go dancing there!
SWATS clubs??? MBK back in the day and after hours spots full of naked women with stab wounds…
But they was makin they money!!!PanamaJackson!!! I am still laughing about this. Do you remember club 559? Listen it was a hole in the wall but it was the jump off for a broke AUC student in my day. ‘shawty swing my way… sho’ look good to me….good times good times
Yeah, Club 559 was the spot. Hell, every AUC student who came in 1997 and before knows about 559 before the fire.
Only place where lime green and tangelo were intended to be worn in public. Booty and braids.
Whatever happened to KP and Envy anyway? Guess they got jobs at Mrs. Winners!
WHAT ABOUT BEER/ALCOHOL GOGGLES?
i figured everybody already knew about those. (read: we’ve tried to have somewhat of a word count limit here, and the beer goggles piece would have pushed me over 1500, lol)
Long, long ago, I fell victim to work goggles…well kinda. Maybe it doesn’t count if he was gorgeous outside of work too. However, he turned into a stalker. Even now, he is married with children and tries to email every so often…and it’s 11 years later. Champ, you are right…
I support the ban on all goggles…my rule is don’t sleep with anyone that you could potentially be forced to have a relationship with for 20 years. It makes perfect sense sans goggles.
You know, upon further reflection, I might make allowances for drunk goggles. I think the love of my life actually kissed me because he was wearing drunk goggles. Sometimes alcohol relieves people of their inhibitions. Best kissin ever…It only took 11 years.
hmmm…a goggles bcs. (best case scenario). i wonder how many of those stories we have lurking around
Congrats on the article guys…good times!
graci
I am so proud/excited/happy for your Metro mention. Get it fellas!!
thanks and shit, wisest one
I have been guilty of drought goggles. NEVER.AGAIN.
I ended up marrying mr. drought goggles. While the sex was mind blowing…the rest I could have done without.
I’ve also done the Vacation (Cruise) googles- ended up having amazing drunken cruise ship sex. I plan on trying those again later this summer.
“I’ve also done the Vacation (Cruise) googles- ended up having amazing drunken cruise ship sex. I plan on trying those again later this summer.”
ive heard that these are the strongest goggles known to man
Man, yall have been super busy this morning. Congrats on the print…it’s a big deal. I had an ex/friend ask me this morning about my craziest sexual encounters entry from last week and I didn’t even know he read your shit…so much for me being me on here…lol.
Now to the goggles….GUILTY AS CHARGED!!! I work at a college campus and I haven’t had sex in a minute…so you know the goggles are getting a little steamy.
thanks and shit, ms teacia.
and yea, maybe its time to remove the frames
omg drought goggles always get me… a married ex-con *thumbs up* a football player while i was away at college *thumbs down* a very sticky ex *2 thumbs down* and omg countless others who were just *10 thumbs down*
work goggles, never just because i m paranoid about it getting around the office and honestly i never worked with anybody that hawt *although* when i was a bartender i commited the mortal sin of messing with a patron, which, as i predicted, became common knowledge after a while on his part. what i never understood was why he told every1 when he didnt even beat; he went out like a chump. spent 300+ on a hotel room to hump on my back all night. if i was a dude, i woulda kept that to myself, but maybe being able to say you slept in the same bed as me *pops collar* was enough of a statement to make?
another pair of goggles i am guilty of wearing are the “aint-seen-u-in-a-while-and-u-look-better-than-the-last-time-seen-u-which-doesnt-actually-mean-u-look-great” goggles… i went to check my friend who was doing a party to show him some support and for some reason he look like he dropped a good 20 lbs and put in some work at the gym. so i said, lemme find out, and invited him over like a couple weeks later only for him to look like the same fat fark i always knew him as. damn.
“aint-seen-u-in-a-while-and-u-look-better-than-the-last-time-seen-u-which-doesnt-actually-mean-u-look-great”..that is almost as bad as “hey I remember we used to have great sex” and discovering “oh wait that wasn’t you”
DAYUM! (hanging in head in shame…well really hanging head to hide naught smirk) been there…done that…
bum ba ba da COLD dum dum dum dum BLOODED! I’m not that far out from the randoms that i would mistake one for the other so i can’t say i know that feeling, but, lmao damn.
“if i was a dude, i woulda kept that to myself, but maybe being able to say you slept in the same bed as me *pops collar* was enough of a statement to make’
this is where lying helps. we believe honesty is overrated at vsb.com
or just not sayin anything at all! i think that would have been the best way out for him!
gotta learn to live with regret. i aint saying its right and im not sayin its wrong, and im not saying don’t learn from your debacles. i know 1 thing. no. i know many things and 1 of them is regret goggles of any sort would not be a topic of discussion if the fuck wasn’t being worn out of them. so take that ugly dude home and use him like a 1 trick pony, let that chick at the receptionist desk give you a smoothie at lunch, show that young girl at Do U what those young boys cant; just know what ya doin and how to do it. we gotta learn to live wit regret.
I feel you on that! I don’t regret nothing I do…even that dude at the swinger’s club that was sexy as hell when I was cum drunk and “hunting”…but looked like he was the line leader of the short bus afterwards… YIKES!
LMMFAO @ “looked like he was the line leader of the short bus” I promise to quote you when I use this
cool…I like to be quoted!
heh heh heh….
Ok here are some goggles that really only apply to women. “Bouncer Goggles”!
You see I have a second job as a bouncer in one of the major clubs in D.C.. And my research shows that women think bouncers are sexy no matter what they actually look like. I have seen guys that look like Mighty Joe Young Jr.’s second cousin get numbers from women that wouldn’t have looked twice at them on the street. And the only difference is, he’s security at the club. So maybe some of you ladies can tell me what it is about club security that you love so much. I am not complaining by any means, bouncer goggles probably accounts for about half of the stories I have told in previous posts. So by all means keep loving us for no reason!
That’s an easy one Buck…club access (no charge for entry, possible V.I.P., access to [place overrated rapper or actor’s name here] and stuntattentionwhoritis (the affliction of stuntin’ for the sole purpose of being the center of attention)…at least this is what two of my friends who are bouncers say. Not that they complain either (lol).
@ BUCK and AK…nah..that’s not true…I like to be bounced by a bouncer…but not EVERY bouncer…some look like my future baby daddy…and others look like they are about to have a baby themselves…no room in ShannonLand for a man that needs a sonogram!
“no room in ShannonLand for a man that needs a sonogram!”
Try saying that 3 times…hey, and it kinda ryhmes!
alliteration son!
Bouncer/security goggles exist, good add. I know this for a fact. And I understand it in a way, never did it but understand it. I will try to talk or hug my way in but no panties for you. Now I do have a weakness for a big man lookin like he’s gonna be startin somethin’ but mostly standing in line in my cute shoes is not what is hot on the street.
I did club promo for a year and saw women throw themselves at the nastiest cats. One dude smelled so bad all the time and got soo much a$$ from beautiful and not so beautiful women it was mind blowing!!! Ban the goggles.
word.life.
try being a manager of a club. or worse yet, the owner. i’ve seen women’s eyes glaze over when the owner of the club i work at says, “i’m the owner”. all of a sudden they’re throwing panties at him, pointing at his girlfriend like, “would you like to fuck me or her first tonight?”
we can just lump that all into “power goggles”.
why else would most 90 year old politicians be able to marry 22 year old floozies. well, aside from the impending death and insurance money.
ya know, i have to wonder, is a man having a heart attack and dying while he’s smurfing you not the worst shit to happen ever?? would that f*ck up your mental ability to smurf for years to come?
Panama :ya know, i have to wonder, is a man having a heart attack and dying while he’s smurfing you not the worst shit to happen ever?? would that f*ck up your mental ability to smurf for years to come?
Nut Yes and no. Calling 911 from under the corpse would be the lifetime no smurfing clincher for me. Having a dead naked body on my naked body is a close second. Would freak me out!!! What do you say to the emt My shit’s killa
“What do you say to the emt My shit’s killa”
Yes…that’s exactly what you say. Or…
The Cat killed the curiosity.
“The Cat killed the curiosity.”
LOL!! T-Shirt!! Or AIDS awareness PSA……
LOL!
“power goggles” the ultimate of all goggles just ask Bill or Monica for matter. Cant say I would’ve gottten with either of them had Bill not been the Prez
I wore the work goggles at one of my college summer jobs and was attracted to a White man who WASN’T Ben Affleck *shudders*.
Drought Goggles could probably be the name of my autobiography.
Am I the only broad who still has a little penchant for college boys? Granted, I am only 23 and only about a year off the campus (technically). But I like tenderonis….I feel like I should be able to ‘win’ with them. I still be losing though.
I will admit, they don’t make ‘em like they used too…I find myself straddling the cougar/p3d0file fence sometimes…but I wouldn’t act on it…there are grown men that can’t handle it…WTF than a kid do for me?
You’re only 23 @sister toldja; still a young tenderoni yourself!!! I would say have at it. Now if you wer 32 it would be a different story.
This is an ironic statement to me…as I was 23 when I first experienced an older woman…and she was 32, go figure.
I was 16 messing with a 23 year old lass. Didn’t realize that it was a crime at the time.
Yeah, I did that too. I was 27 he was 19. Great sex!!! Amazing sex!!!! He was dumb as rocks though. As long as I kept his mouth full we were ok. Told me he loved me after two weeks he had to go; he wouldn’t agree to the no talking rule. He stalked me for two years. Ban the Goggles i tell ya.
LOL! That is true. My rule is 3* years down, 6 years up, as far as dating people outside my age goes. Sadly, most of the men I meet are mid 30s and I am sooooooooooo over that.
*I’d probably mess with a hot 20 year old, but I couldn’t really date one.
I think the rule of thumb should be 5 years out…if your are 27, 28 and don’t work at said institution of higher learning, unless you are at an alumni program visiting you have no business lurking past some RA’s door.
and the winner is….. Toldya fu** Hova. so young so tender. keep livin ma, not just alive. i know older chix way hotter than the young chix in my circle. some cats say the cooch has a; “best by date” on it. hmmmm let me see. i thinks not. goody goody comes in diff ages for certain. i have some youngies that cant touch my granny luvs. bet?
“Drought Goggles could probably be the name of my autobiography.”
another great t-shirt idea, but one that we probably wouldn’t sale on this site
“a White man who WASN’T Ben Affleck *shudders*”
i know, i know ‘to each his own’, but can we get a better white man visual? here’s some for ya:
Justin Timberlake, Christian Bale, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Patrick Dempsey, George Clooney.
yeh, that should do it.
OMG… Johnny Dep could get it all day any day and three times today. I just saw Chocolat the other day for the umpteenth time. mmm mmmm mmm! He could so get it, I would cross back across the color lines for that. sorry y’all Im in the middle of a drought
In the least offensive manner possible, I have to say that the idea of a White man touching me for anything beyond a friendly hug or handshake makes my skin crawl. For some reason, Ben Affleck has always somehow escaped this feeling, but if I were actually in the position to do something about it with him….I’m sure the skin crawling would kick in.
Sister Toldja: loyal to Black men only because she simply doesn’t like anybody else. Le sigh.
skin crawling??? deeeeeeep. but i forgot one more Domenic West.
LOL! It’s not so deep. It’s like a non-homophobic male who is turned off by the idea of guy-on-guy sex. It’s fine for you to do, I am just naturally not inclined.
LOL @ sister toldja, gurl you are a tenderoni your damn self. I you have only been able to vote once in your life, they are a tenderoni.
“I you have only been able to vote once in your life, they are a tenderoni.”
good point
darn! I actually had the metro in my hand and meant to congrat u on it, but i got so caught up reading the masochistic 2 comments i failed to post…booooooo….you beat me to it…anyway! Big Ups! (yes, I’m older)
thanks for the congrats anyway. we appreciate it and shit.
ayo. Champ, P, i toldya from the door the blog was splendifferous effervescent even. …and i just mentioned the other day that whatever the magazine reports, you all are bigger than that. f**k that though keep your head down and keep putting in the work. check for me in the winners circle or we can slap palms on the victory lap. if you need to draft superstars, i’ll ride herd for ya. that’s enuf backslapping back to work. Salute!
Oh Yeah, Congrats!
All jokes aside, I really think the T-shirt thing needs to become reality. VSB shirts would be a huge hit! And it would tickle me to death to see people wearing something i possibly wrote in a blog! I know some people, maybe I will get some prototypes made up.
Hey if you can work out the design elements. I have a good friend who owns a t-shirt printing company. I am sure we can work out a good deal. Just let me know.
I would like to suggest that the shirts all have a tag line… something like “brought to you by verysmartbrothas.com”
I agree with that. No matter what, VSB.com will be on the shirt. I want people to see the shirts, laugh, and then be drawn to check out where it all started.
Congrats guys!
I’m wearing drought glasses right now. Bifocals even. Every dude looks tasty. Good thing I’ve got some live-in c*ck blockage. My little girl is home from school for the summer.
“live-in c*ck blockage”
I gotta get me some of that before I make some bad decisions.
Take mine. Please.
heh heh heh…
Poor thing! Live in c*ck blockage is rough when you really want some. Luckily for you, any man worth giving it to probably has his own place to take you!
Congrats VSB!
I’ve guilty of the goggles (except the college one).
Dear VSBs,
Nothing made me more proud than to see this blog in print in somebody’s paper. We finna be major!
<3,
Liz
As someone who’s probably a little longer in the tooth than many of the commenters here, believe me when I say that as you grow older, the goggles become microscopes. You become far more attuned to things that you’d have gladly ignored or may not have even noticed 10 to 15 years earlier.
Toldya asks: “Why so verbose? Are you in jail?
i see you’re reading it. probably biting it. i see ur overbite, it puts an ugly ass bite in an apple by the way.
no im not in jail not unless you count the false arrest made by the Sister Toldya thought police.
i’m a writer. how can i know what i think if i don’t read what i write. you must like it or maybe just love to hate it.
well what you gon do i just stepped all over your maximum word count rules. now what. talk black to me. LOL!
you inspired us ..so we decided to write about Boredom Goggles.. Those are the goggles that get you in the most trouble…
Its the case of the GOTCHA GOTCHAs
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