The Gangsta’s Guide To Grocery Shopping

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grocerystoreI’m not a deep thinker. Rather I’m one of those people who sees things a little, oh I don’t know, differently, than others. You see a television, I see little people trapped inside of a moving picture box. Granted that makes no sense whatsoever, but little things fascinate me.

Anyway, that fascination with random stuff inspires me to think about a lot of stuff that normal, centered folks don’t think about. Like what, you ask? Well,like this:

Where exactly do gangsters and thugs go grocery shopping?

Laugh now, but think about that for a second. When was the last time you went to the grocery store and saw a dude who looked like he carried a .45, trying to determine what kind of Hamburger Helper he should get? I don’t know about you but I rarely see that up in my grocery store.

DO they go grocery shopping?

So this all got me to thinking. If I’m a hardened criminal, or the neighborhood thug I still have to eat after a night full of vandalism and thuggery.

So as a service today, I’ve decided to help my fellow gangsters, thugs, and hoodlums. Because I know that it is important to eat and that sometimes he won’t be able to get that gangsta b*tch to go grocery shopping for him (I mean she has to go to school and sh*t), I’ve created a simple and short guide to getting your grocery shop on and being a menace to South Central while drinking your juice in the hood.

1) Location

The first step in going grocery shopping as a gangsta is to basically determine what’s the furthest suburb (since most gangstas live in the city) you can get to without fear of being pulled over by the police for having a suspended license. Why is this important? Well, by venturing to the suburbs to go grocery shopping you greatly reduce the number of black people who will see you in the grocery store. White people are afraid of black people by default and will switch aisles because you are there and let you shop in peace. You know why…

…because either they don’t know, don’t show, or just don’t care about what goes on in the hood.

RICKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Ahem.

And what happens if you see another gangsta in the store. Well, he’ll keep quiet because chances are, he’s trying what you are trying and cannot use that fact against you for fear of being outed himself.

2) Time

Try to keep your crimes confined to about an hour before and an hour after midnight. The midnight hour is a good time to go grocery shopping, especially during the week. Why is this? It’s because non-gangsta types have to go to work the next morning.  So going at midnight greatly reduces the number of black folks you might see, who might question your thugacity, and white folks who might call the cops on you after assuming you are Tupac and don’t belong in their neighborhood.

You still have to go to the suburbs because black folks work the late shifts a lot, so you might get caught slippin’ in the city by little Tinkashawn’s sister looking at just how ripe your bananas are and get called out on the block the next day, thereby fucking up your probation AND parole because you just had to shoot somebody for talking about you and disrespecting you while a ninja was just trying to get his eat on…shit…Can I live…

…I ask you…Can I live?

3) Solitude

You have to go alone. I know this is a hard rule to follow because presumably thugs hang with more thugs (hence gang, crew, etc.) who probably need to go grocery shopping BUT if you go to the suburbs with a bunch of thugs at midnight…you’re going to jail. There are no ands ifs or buts about it. Lastly…in case all that isn’t possible…

4) Just eat at yo’ mama’s house.

Follow these simple rules and you too can shop in peace…then go get yo’ thug or murder on.

So good denizens of VSB, we’ve taught them how to shop for groceries, do you have any advice for the thug who’s trying to get his activities of everyday living on?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

188 thoughts on “The Gangsta’s Guide To Grocery Shopping”

  1. iono where you stay PJ, but on the eastside of the LBC (and the Northside that no one ever hears about lol) thugs Go To The Sto’ all the time. Yes, “Go To The Sto’”, not “shop”

    Granted – you’ll never catch em actually pushing a basket and checking the ripeness of the bananas*, but at any given time you can see one coming out of a vons/ralphs/corner store with a bag or two. how else could they get their swishers and 40s mamas and girls some groceries to cook?

    *this is actually 24.3% ghey. NTTAWWT.

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    • @Selah,

      awwww i miss vons and ralphs. and albertsons.

      in cali, i usually saw gangstas “make groceries” at the corner store and walmart.

      Reply ↓

      • @Gem of the Ocean,

        see, where does this “make groceries” come from? I’ve never heard that around these parts.

        and you’re right, somehow I forgot about Wally World. prolly cuz i hate it lol

        Reply ↓

        • @Selah,

          Reppin’ N.O.LA!!! This is funny.. Thugs in New Orleans make groceries all the time.. Cooking here really is not considered ghey. Men really dominate the culinary culture here. I think I know wayyyy more men who do the cooking in their home than I do women. R.I.P. Uncle Charlie…. that ninja made a vicious pot of RAY’d beans. Here, in any given grocery store, on any given day, you will find in a thugs shopping cart ( which I’m sure they call a basket to prevent limpwristitus from setting in) Onions, bell peppers, smoked sausage, bread, cold dranks (soda or pop for you northerners), fetticcine, long grain Mahatma rice, satsumas, and seven steaks…. Oh! and Crystal hot sauce…. Tobasco is very Louisiana, not so much New Orleans.

          Reply ↓

      • @Gem of the Ocean,

        um….imma need you take the quotes off of making groceries, mmmkay? thanks. tis’ a real phrase and sh!t. ;-)

        Reply ↓

  2. I used to be a barmaid/security guard/stocker (all at the same time)at really hood bar last year and what I realized is that many “gangsta’s” purchase their meals where they purchase their liquor and beer….at their neighborhood bar and grill. Thus they are given the opportunity to throw back a few shots of liquor or thunderbird mixed with cranberry and lemon juice…buy a six back of 24 oz. Old E’s or Steel City Reserves….make a few drug transactions…hit up the illegal slot machines….threaten a few people and call them outside to fight (or inside)….check on their cracked out ho’s that better have their money-because they are also in the bar getting drunk and picking up business…all while waiting for their plate to be finished by the cook in the kitchen.

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  3. “if you go to the suburbs with a bunch of thugs at midnight…you’re going to jail.” LOL!

    Ummm the hood rats round here, they dont eat…it’s why they skinny…and they order take away chinese.

    Or they go down to the corner shop.off licence and buy a packet of crisps and a Pepsi.

    It’s sad but true, hood rats round here don’t grocery shop, they buy weed, and order take out.

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  4. Interesting that this is today’s topic. I don’t know, I always thought thugs went shoppin in packs. That way they can get what they need while still hollin’ at redbones and wreaking havoc in the community. When I see dudes with wifebeaters and half of the group has slide in slippers and socks and the other half has on Jordans and beauty supply store jeans, talkin about “hey, guh! who you fuh?” I assume those are thugs.

    Ooh, also, are there any people in Detroit here? I saw on the news or AOL, something, the other day that there are NO GROCERY STORES in Detroit. Um….is that true? That can’t be true. Somebody school me.

    And, ew, speaking of shopping, late last night I ran to Walmart for some Chex Mix and this fool in a wifebeater and some slide-in slippers with socks takes a belt that he has in hands and shoves it in my face talking about, “Buy me this.?” “Fool! If you don’t take that sh*t out of my face before I take it as a sign of disrespect and whip your a*s…,” That’s what I thought on the inside…..but on the outside I just smiled nervously and slithered away…But the point is, it was late at night and he was alone. He was a thug.

    Reply ↓

      • @Stuff Ghetto People Like,

        Meijer is in the suburbs. They just announced they are opening one in the city a few days ago.

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        • @Humble_One,

          On that note, but not really…. The only franchise resturant that is in the city of New Orleans is IHOP… we dont have a Chili’s, Applebee’s, Fox-n-Hound, Cheddars, Blackeyed Pea, Ruby Tuedsays, Fudruckers,… If you don’t dine in at a local resturant… your only option is … IHOP, Oh! and we have a Waffle House, but who the heck eats there?.. We don’t have a movie theater, and we don’t have a mall…. No Dillards, no Sears, no JC Pennys, no FootLocker… we have 1 Walmart. We don’t have any liquor stores ( we sell yakk at the gas stations) LOL!

          Reply ↓

          • @Lanieanna, sounds more like NOLA proper just doesn’t believe in national chains. Plenty of hood Foot Lockers out here. And I thought Waffle House was a South staple. But damn, nothing in even the touristy areas?

            As far as the alcohol situation, that state has probably the most liberal laws in the country (only MO, NV and KY are seeing y’all). Don’t even need a dedicated liquor store because you can get anything you want anytime of day you want at any stores that sell food and drink. I wouldn’t complain about that, that’s one area Louisiana got it made!

            Reply ↓

    • @charli skipper,

      I am from and stay in Detroit. There are no major chain grocery stores in Detroit. We have Spartan grocery stores but they don’t count. They don’t come anywhere close to a Kroger or Meijer as far as the selection of fresh meat and produce.

      Reply ↓

        • @Stuff Ghetto People Like,

          I forgot. There is one Super K-Mart on the northwest side of the city. It is right on the edge of the city at the suburb city borderline.

          Reply ↓

          • @Humble_One,

            I’m no expert and I could be wrong. But I think part of it has to do with insurance, crime, stereotypes, and demographics. When you look at the demographics of Detroit on paper it doesn’t look like a good place to do business. The problem is that each part of the city has pockets of good and bad. My parents stay in a nice neighborhood but it is surrounded by an area that is wild. If you travel another 5-7minutes west you can be in another nice neighborhood surrounded by a war zone. Where they are building the Meijer is in a middle class to wealthy area. The difference between that area others is that there are more middle class people in the area than there are poorer people plus it borders the suburbs. It’s bad because these Chaldeans come to the hood and open up stores and charge folks rape prices and have poor quality food.

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          • @Humble_One, yeah, and in every hood in this country, ninjas just roll over and take the foreigners’ bullsh*t…got them by the balls like what. Hard not to sound angry about that either….because foreigners have just about zero respect for Black Americans or their intelligence.

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        • @BLUNTBLAZER & Stuff Ghetto People Like,

          I think every hood may be like this. They don’t respect us because they can come into our neighborhood and get money with no problems. I tried to be mad at them but I had to look at us. Detroit ninjas be the first to floss and talk about being a boss yet they have to go to the Arabs to get fed. Negroes can open car washes, barber shops, beauty salons, and churches with no problem. But anything that holds a community down they don’t do.

          Reply ↓

          • @Humble_One,
            if it aint the mex its the jap runnin the sto or the arabs ninja dont own anything except a barber shop and a bbq shaq/garage. in my hood the only sto thas been there longer than i been alive and is still there makin hella bread is the mofo Morturary. sad but true i wish i could buy stock in tha shiii they always got the new cadi’s too.

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    • @charli skipper, Cleveland only has ONE major chain, GhettoGiant Eagle and some minor ones (Aldi’s, Save A Lot, Dave’s, Marc’s). ALL these ninjas in Cleveland and Detroit and look at how janky these joints are. Pathetic, man. Now Cleveland talking HARD about getting casinos downtown because that would bring in jobs and money into the city.

      Detroit has casinos downtown, right? How’s that income working out there, yo?

      Reply ↓

      • @T. Troy Stewart,

        Casinos are not the answer. Vegas is an exception to the rule. They do have decent paying jobs but you cannot bring back a city just off of them. We have had casinos for 10yrs and our economy still sucks here.

        Reply ↓

        • @Humble_One, try telling that to our mayor, the black gold miner and our governor. They dead set on not only getting those casinos up this way, they want to make sure that 18 year olds can gamble in establishments that sell booze with no hassles. This ain’t gonna end well.

          Reply ↓

        • @Humble_One & T. Troy Stewart, only Vegas and the Indians (+ maaaaaaybe Atlantic City) can make casinos work…that’s because they’re resorts that have a little quality vacationing vibe to them. Anything less is an exercise in futility. Casinos haven’t made anyone wanna kick it in Gardena as long as I’ve been alive (hence two of them closed)…so I don’t see them working in C-town or D-town.

          Reply ↓

  5. Interesting that this is today’s topic. I don’t know, I always thought thugs went shoppin in packs. That way they can get what they need while still hollin’ at redbones and wreaking havoc in the community. When I see dudes with wifebeaters and half of the group has slide in slippers and socks and the other half has on Jordans and beauty supply store jeans, talkin about “hey, guh! who you fuh?” I assume those are thugs.

    Ooh, also, are there any people in Detroit here? I saw on the news or AOL, something, the other day that there are NO GROCERY STORES in Detroit. Um….is that true? That can’t be true. Somebody school me.

    And, ew, speaking of shopping, late last night I ran to Walmart for some Chex Mix and this fool in a wifebeater and some slide-in slippers with socks takes a belt that he has in hands and shoves it in my face talking about, “Buy me this.?” “Fool! If you don’t take that sh*t out of my face before I take it as a sign of disrespect and whip your a*s…,” That’s what I thought on the inside…..but on the outside I just smiled nervously and slithered away…But the point is, it was late at night and he was alone. He was a thug.

    Reply ↓

    • @charli skipper,

      LOL!

      and I have a question. I’ve seen “who you fuh” written a couple times here by VSBers…. and I’m tryna figure out what that means. Who you for?? I don’t get it. LOL. explain?

      Reply ↓

      • @Selah,
        lol. i know that i’ve used this term more than once (i stan for the art of repetition ;) ), but other than that, i don’t think it carries any significance with the overall culture of VSB.

        Reply ↓

        • @charli skipper,
          oh. and that’s just one of the colorful pickup lines that raggedy faced, hood guys use. similar to “where yo’ old man at?” um………?????????????

          Reply ↓

          • @charli skipper,

            “similar to “where yo’ old man at?” ..

            OHHHHH i get it now! good thing I learned what it meant now before going somewhere where dudes actually say that. Cuz I’da looked at someone real foul like and kept it pushing. like “what do you mean, who am I for??? D*mn hooligan.”

            Oh wait. I’d still do that. lol

            Reply ↓

  7. Well, you won’t see them at the fabulous food emporium known as Ralphs Fresh Fare rolling with Tim Gunn…or at the Whole Foods or Trader Joes or Bristol farms or Pavilions. Or Gelson’s. Simply too conspicuous.

    This is why there’s Food 4 Less, Superior, and crummy little independent hood markets where they don’t look out of place and draw much attention. In these stories, they can rock all the wifebeaters and flat, stickery baseball caps or be as blued or flamed up as they like, get in and get out (get what they came fo’!). Generally, a gangsta wants to keep it simple, stick to the basics. And that’s what the well-known hood stores provide for them.

    But after 11, one will need to tighten the belt around their waist, take off the gold fronts, strap up their Air Force Ones, leave the shines at home, pop an Eclipse to shake off the blunt/Henny breath, and tuck in that extremely long shirt to hit up one of those high falootin’ stores on Wilshire or 3rd St….

    That, or that *ss will have to make do with whatever’s at the liquor store with its 50% markup…

    That, or send out a smoker you trust. Good luck finding one. Maybe the one that stole those registration tags for you…

    This is too complicated for most thugs, this is why they’re cool with their more square cousins.

    Reply ↓

    • @Stuff Ghetto People Like,

      oooooo iHate Superior. With a passion. If you want cheap, wack and/or expired food, long lines, incompetent workers and baskets that don’t hardly roll then that’s the store to go to. Since I don’t, I’ve vowed to never set foot in a Superior ever again.

      **WU SAH** I feel better now . lol

      Reply ↓

        • @Stuff Ghetto People Like,

          ooh i know what you’re talmbout – but you’d have to stand in line for 3243243 years and sh*t. i was bout ready to bomb the one by my school last year. but you have fun in there. LOL.

          Reply ↓

        • @Stuff Ghetto People Like,

          LOL! i am DONE with you tonight! hahaha you mentionin ALL the hood spots. the walmart on crenshaw?? iRefuse to go there either never mind the fact that I was asked to please leave there once. lol

          yes, I am done with you tonight. lol.

          Reply ↓

          • @Stuff
            I HATE the Ralph’s in Ladera Center. Matter of fact, I hate that center. But my husband likes it because it’s convenient. I do not care.
            Can’t park, cause the runnin’-their- mouths-employess ain’t cleared the baskets in the lot.
            Can’t get a basket ’cause, well you know why.
            Oh, and then there is the hispanic seafood dude on the weekends blasting music trying to push the special on you as you walk by. And let’s not even mention the kids runnin’ up on you in the lot pushing their CD’s.
            GET AWAY FROM ME!
            Did I mention how much I hate that store? UGH!!!
            Oh, this was about gangsters grocery shopping huh?? Sorry PJ.

            Reply ↓

          • @Stuff Ghetto People Like,

            How can I turn down free drinks? In a few weeks, after the fall semester is well underway, I’m down for some self-medication. VSB Happy Hour, LA style??

            Reply ↓

          • @bballmom, Ladera Center’s fatal flaw is that it’s become the party place and a supplement for Crenshaw in a sense. Ralphs over there is a quality store IMO (though I tend not to go because of the prices), but its customer base is also mostly what you see at the Friday’s and Starbuck’s across the lot. And you know what you get over there with the cruisers, hot mamas, cigar smokers, and motorcycle types…total chaos.

            @Selah, let’s see if Gem can’t get on board too.

            Reply ↓

      • @Maximillian, some of the best basic shopping in town at Food 4 Less. But you gotta deal with some hooooooooooodboogers like WHAT in most of them (usually the broads). Lines can get dumb long some times of day too. Again though, for the basics, meaning you’re not coming to get some deli meat shaved up or fat trimmed off a steak, slap together a salad in-store, or get some microbrew, you can’t go wrong.

        Reply ↓

        • @Stuff Ghetto People Like, food for less sounds like the save a lot down here…
          that joint is extra grimy but you can get all the hood stapes for the low… wonder bread for the .99, chicken legs for like .49 a pound and shyt.. the fruit section is like 5 carts.. watermelon, grapes, oranges, bananas, onion,s peppers greens and cabbages….and aisles of boxed shyt that change from week to week…..

          Reply ↓

          • @shay_d_lady, I forgot the main reason to go is the freezer section though. that joint got all the hot snacks for the low, frozen pizzas, egg rolls, hot pockets etc for way less than the krogers.. but you gotta check the dates and they are often the ‘if you like xxx then you’ll love this” version …

            Reply ↓

          • @shay_d_lady,

            Save A Lot is the business.

            When I lived in Minnesota I used to go to a similar joint out there, can’t remember the name, but I also used to hit up this place that sold recently expired food. Some great deals there.

            Yeah, I’m a cheap bastard, you got a problem with that?

            Reply ↓

      • @Maximillian,

        oh mah goodness i forgot about Food 4 Less. that is hoodrat/mack daddy central. my dad’s office is right next to this hood shopping “plaza” and the F4L looks real nice on the outside — brightly, freshly painted — but it’s havoc on the inside. i just cant bare to go in there. it’s so raggedy inside.

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  8. okay WTF are u talking bout in the post? Gangsta shop at save a lot in the hood with they baby momma or some crack head food stamp card or at the low budget krogers in the hood that aint like the other ones. Ya know aint no organic section the meat case has chitlins, catfish nuggets andchicken leq quarters. That one that smells like dirty mop and water and fried chicken and has a soul food buffet in the deli section

    Reply ↓

      • @Stuff Ghetto People Like, there was no imagination involved with this one. I just left the gangster krogers on cleveland street in north memphis, that was a play by play excluding the homeless dudes loittering and the guy getting his hair braided in the backseat of a “88 cutlass

        Reply ↓

          • @Stuff Ghetto People Like, yall dont have the soul food buffet during lunch hour? most regula grocery stores have chicken wings, potato salad and sandwiches but the gangsta joint have greens, and black eyed peas and chicken and dressin on thursdays….LOL

            Reply ↓

          • @shay_d_lady, maybe two Ralphs in the hood get it in like that…but all the rest, nope.

            Oh, but the damn chicken? The old betties clean that out every hour on the hour. And don’t go to Albertson’s on Sunday wantin’ wings…the line in front of it is one thing, but all kinds of churches have their pre-orders of 50 that get priority clear to 5pm. smh…

            Reply ↓

    • @shay_d_lady,
      you’re right. your description of the smell reminded me of something. gangsta’s also shop at the piggly wiggly. that’s why they have those long poles on the shopping baskets.

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  9. LOL, the other commenters already hit on the usual G grocery run methods.

    #1 method is most definitely the baby mama, cousin, granny, clucker/skezza w/ the food stamp cards….gotta love standing behind mofos with two big ass baskets full of straight up garbage.

    #2 is no doubt the corner/liquor/package sto’

    #3 is the cut-rate grocers

    Reply ↓

    • @Srgt. Vernon Waters,
      i always notice that ppl with EBT cards buy nothing but JUNK! I have my buggy of recession brand foods and these ninjas got steakums (really saw a broad with SIX boxes!!!) and lobster tails! Aint that some ishbull! And they wanna be in the express self checkout lane with 13 carts of food!

      Reply ↓

  10. He should just let one of his baby mama’s or jump offs do it.,

    but if he absolutley MUST do it for himself, I don’t want to see him in the veggie section, squeezing melons or cucumbers for hardness.

    Reply ↓

      • @Stuff Ghetto People Like,

        i feel this way about going to a grocery store i dont typically frequent. i’ve learned my neighborhood store’s layout, and having to hunt down stuff and back track in a store is so annoying to me.

        Reply ↓

        • @Gem of the Ocean,
          “having to hunt down stuff and back track in a store is so annoying to me.”

          Exactly. I hate this and dodging whole familes while I’m trying to get my handbasket full of stuff for the week…lol

          Reply ↓

    • @miss t-lee, I go at 2 AM so that all elderly people and children are home. However,this depends on the hood you’re shopping in cuz we all know ghetto babies dont have a bed time!

      Reply ↓

      • @mad scientist,
        Yep…I’ve pretty much resorted to going at 7am or so on Saturday morning. Ain’t no one in there but the stockpeople. I love it. :)

        Reply ↓

  13. Panama,

    I respect this effort. It was thoughtfully written.

    However, I submit to you (and the rest of the VSBs/VSSs) that thugs/gangstas/hoodlums don’t go grocery shopping; they all go to the carry out (or “curry out,” if you’re from DC/PG) after doing hoodrat stuff. Gangstas don’t care about how cost-effective their food purchases are.

    I don’t know where they go to get the cold cereal to build up their energy beforehand; that requires more thought. But the easy answer now I guess is that they just eat whatever’s in their mom’s cabinets.

    Reply ↓

  14. East Over Shopping Center at the Giant..lawd..whole thug FAMILIES shop in there…bad arse lil 2 yr old maymay walkin round stealing candy from the shelves and sh*t…lil tink tink (po lil tink tink) runnin around breaking sh*t…Big D asking the butcher why come he can’t have just one rib…Big shirley in the beauty s’ply section buying hurr (yes, last time I was there, bout 4, 5 years ago they sold hurr)…

    I lurve my peoples man.

    Reply ↓

    • @Smiley Face,

      I’ve had the pleasure of shopping at this Giant. You actually get propositioned by strangers to use their EBT card, give them cash and you get your groceries for half off. Oh and there’s no way the music they play in there is sanctioned by Giant. Then when you leave the store you get bombarded by riders (hood taxi) … no thanks I think I’ll pass on getting in that beat up old van with you, I’d rather walk.

      Reply ↓

  15. seriously, idk where gangstas and thugs shop. but i also don’t know where the law abiding lower class black folks shop. there are no grocery stores(that i know of) in the hood here in Raleigh. Granted, I don’t live in the hood, and I only drive through it to get to the NC Farmers Market on the other side. Interestingly enough, I don’t see a lot of hood residents at the Farmers Market, which is unfortunate b/c the food, at least the produce, is pretty cheap in comparison to produce in the grocery store and it’s fresh. Not sure where I’m going with this comment…other than that it’s pretty unfortunate that people have to get groceries (tons of processed shyt disguised as food) at the corner store.

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    • @N.I.A. naturally,
      there is a super wal-mart. it’s pretty far out, though, on the edge of the hood, but not in the suburbs. it’s probably the closest grocery store to some folks living in SE raleigh. I think there is a kroger out that way, too, now that i think about it.

      Reply ↓

    • @N.I.A. naturally,

      yeah, the area i live in does not have a grocery store. and the closest ones takes at least 1 bus transfer to get to. the hood has it rough, man.

      Reply ↓

      • @Gem of the Ocean, you must live in an isolated part of town I’m not aware of…because even the grimiest residential areas I can think of have some kind of serviceable store to buy produce and meat, even if it isn’t a supermarket. 99 cent store or something (the chain, not those bootleg ones!)

        Reply ↓

        • @Stuff Ghetto People Like,

          i’m sorry but if it’s not a “super market” it’s not a grocery store in my opinion. yeah, there are a few bootleg stores that sell food, but most of it isn’t good or even healthy. in fact, i don’t believe any of the stores in my neighborhood sell meat.

          this was a big debate in pgh, becuz the city was talkin about building a casino here — and many of the residents were pissed becuz they can’t even get a decent GROCERY store, but they’re shelling out millions for a casino.

          Reply ↓

          • @Gem of the Ocean, at least they raised a stink about it…most folks in the inner city don’t even bother.

            Anyways, I guess I’ve been such a creative shopper so long that I don’t really notice unless I go into the deep hood.

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  16. Round here (up and through Dallas), we have specific stores that we have “renamed” to make everyone aware of the frequency of hoodiliciousness. For instance, about 12 miles east is the “Gangsta Wal-Mart”. First clue: police Winnebago posted up in the parking lot. 15 miles south in the Barrio is a store called Fiesta – nuff said. They just shut down the “Ghetto Albertsons”.

    Seriously, my 90-year old auntie last weekend, “Sweetie, you gonna have to take me to Gangsta Wal-mart, it’s the only place I find those big bags of collards, mustards and turnips alreaady washed.” You wanna see something hilarious, watch hard-as-hell thugs trying to act right while a 90-year black woman with a cane walks by. Classic!

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    • @OneChele,
      Funny…here in Austin…I live by the gangsta wal-mart. That store is tehe main reason I hate shopping.
      Does your gangsta wal-mart sell hurr too? LOL
      All of our Albertson’s have closed up shop. All we have left are the Wal-mart’s and the HEB’s…lol
      I love Fiesta even though it is hood, it’s the only place I can get a raspa and my roasted corn.

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  18. I am DONE with you Panama for “Tinkashawn”. DONEness in 3…2…1…

    Anyhow.

    I always thought gangstas/thugs just stood outside on their crib’s stoop and screamed “I’m hungry, nicca!!” and then food just came running to them because they got it like that or something.

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  19. In my old neighborhood we had:

    Murry’s – with their freezer burned overly processed foods

    Tiger Market – Asian owned. The entire store smelled like bad meat (or good cheese?? but this was highly unlikely). Everything was over priced with questionable expiration dates. The only thing that they had a full stock of was blunts, oodles of noodles, baby formula & Newports.

    Carry Outs-Used after the Tiger Market closed which was around 8pm!!

    The Ice Cream Truck – Please dont sleep!! The icecream truck around my way was like a mini grocery store. They had everything from bread to potted meat!!

    We were lucky to have a vehicle so my mom SADLY could drive MILES to a decent grocery store!!

    On a related note….I recently saw this “fly” chic and her “thug” boyfriend in the grocery store. He was pimpin up and down the aisle throwing things in the cart left and right. None of it was real food by the way. I have this sick habit of looking in people’s cart to get an idea of WHO THEY ARE. But they both were like ghetto superstars walking up and down the aisle. She had on heels and sh*t!! They get to the register & I happen to roll up behind them. Dude looks up at me and kind of disappears. She whips out an EBT card looks at me like she just pulled out a AMEX Centurion , rolls her eyes and hands it to the cashier. I just chuckled to myself. I tried hard not to judge because there could have been a bunch of scenarios to why a girl carrying a Gucci bag and her baller boyfriend are paying for their groceries with my tax dollars.

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  20. Ok now you trippin dogg
    for 1) location: no shii ininjas gotta go to the burbs we aint got no grocery stores in the hood only liqua sto’s. and real gangstas dont need groceries they live off of fast food and doritos and beer. and those burritos ya get from tha ghetto mart. aka d-boy supreme xtra value meal= 4Ooz, doritos, burrito, nowlaters

    for 2) time: if you a gangsta walkin in a grocery sto in the burbs at midnite you crazy or jus wanna get pulled cause u prolly drunk/faded and got some stuff ya not supposed to have on u. so again jack in the crack stay open 24/7 and so does 7/11 just watch ya back at those red lights.

    for 3) solitude: are you serious only time im ina grocery sto with my boyz if if i need them to help carry some drank/bbq to the car cause we bout ta hava function. ninjas that shop together are 85% suspect anyways.

    and 4) yea mamas house always got grub and she lets you raid her fridge cause she misses u and wants to talk even tho u dnt say shii cause ya stuffin ya face fulla fried chicken and shii. hint*only works if you dont live at ya mamas house*

    I guess gangstas dont grocery shop. I went into the vegetable section of the store for the first time in my life (except when i was lil rollin wit moms) and was like WOW so this is what its like over here. took me 15 min to find some dam lettuce. but i found out a few hidin spots for chicks.

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    • @BLUNTBLAZER,

      “1) location: no shii ininjas gotta go to the burbs we aint got no grocery stores in the hood only liqua sto’s. ”

      Truth. Word to Furious Styles in “Boyz n in Hood”.

      “took me 15 min to find some dam lettuce. but i found out a few hidin spots for chicks.”

      Yeah, don’t sleep on grocery stores, BB. I was just in the grocery store with my mama yesterday and she called out this one chick saying she was “trying pick up men at the grocery store” and I retorted, “Well, Ma, this is the perfect place for it!” and she was like, “Yeah, but she’s too obvious”. And she was. Hiking her skirt up while walking past the butcher section yet had her little boy holding her hand. LMFAO @ that foolishness.

      But, anyhow, point is…the grocery store is the eating man’s pickup joint. You betta find a reason to pick up some lettuce more often. lol

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      • @Cheekie,
        this old chick tried ta hook me up wit her daughters at costco tha otha day. she had three 25-30y/o girls in heels walkin wit her and they hella checkin me out but she talks to me like your a nice lookin yung man which = take one of these chicks wit you im tired of they ashes still livin in my house. I didnt holla those were some broke super hood rats. they look good but you cant trust a big but anda smile thas broke at 26 stil livin wit moms

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    • @BLUNTBLAZER, the freaks come out during the day (no whodini) at the supermarkets AND the 99 cent store.

      4) yea mamas house always got grub and she lets you raid her fridge cause she misses u and wants to talk even tho u dnt say shii cause ya stuffin ya face fulla fried chicken and shii. hint*only works if you dont live at ya mamas house*

      It’s like the Black version of that scene in Goodfellas. Substitute weight and trash bags of clothes for the tied-up dude in the trunk.

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    • @BLUNTBLAZER,

      lmao @ this whole comment!!! oh BB you slay me!!

      and this…
      we bout ta hava function.
      i know you from cali cuz you said “function”. awww i miss home!

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  21. Gangstas have always grocery shopped. How else could you explain their constant references to food when they pretend to rap about cooking cocaine. Sometimes a line about baking pies, is actually about the delcious custard they made the night before. Bonecrusher’s appearance on “Iron Chef America” and exposure as a foodie, opened the door for gangsta’s to openly grocery shop. No more would they have to hide their appreciation for the none Coke-based culinary arts.

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  22. Whole Foods is the gangsta of grocery chains now. Every fool in town running up in there having to put second mortgages on their momma’s house just so they can say they bought some agiago cheese flavored crumpets & salt water beer and ish.

    Is it just me or does Whole Foods have some kind of new Middle Passage thang going on because every one I’ve been to seem to have about 15 fresh off the boat Africans on the payroll? Them fools are bagging and getting them mini cooper shopping carts out the parking lot, acting uppity towards me like I got dirt on my face.

    “Heh, you’re not a pure African like us *throat sounds clock clock clock clock* heh, heh”.

    KMA, Kofi with your Third World Arse, man.

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  24. Funny….I know gangstas don’t grocery shop in my neighborhood….but neither do normal attractive single black men…who don’t have that much gangsta to uphold….where do they shop…seriously??? I mentioned this lack of males in the grocery store in my own blog one day…. do men just let their women do the shopping or only shop at the corner store and the drive-thru??? just curious….

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  25. Humble One not so Humble.

    Listen Son, the Chaldeans you speak of are the only investors that have been committed to the city of Detroit for the past 40 years. Just because corporate America has left the city for dead, does not warrant your comments. They pay our city taxes, which is the highest rate in the state, they maintain there properties, and they spend the majority of their week working long hours in the city, while at the same time, being shot at by the thugs that run our city. So we need to appreciate their dedication to our corrupt city. sleep on that son.

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