its a conspiracy. a c-o-n-spiracy.
you see, bobby brown was a prophet, a modern day nostradamus sent from God to warn us all of the merciless nature of the typical woman with his genius “don’t be cruel“. realizing this, the national council of cruel women siced a seemingly sweet-hearted whitney houston on him, stringing him out and making him lose sight of and forget his earthly purpose.
the very smart brothas at verysmartbrothas.com haven’t forgotten, though. taking the torch from grand minister brown, here’s the four cruelest things women consistently do to men
1. keeping friend-zoned guys around
not only are most women aware of the hapless friends they have who are patiently hoping for a never occurring opening, they have no problem with taking advantage of him once he’s in place…and giving him just enough of a tease of a potential opening to keep him there.
there are myriad ways that they do this, but my favorite is the wistfully nonchalant “i wish there were more guys were like you. why can’t i find a good man?” they’ll utter to the emasculated cat driving them to ikea so she can replace the bed her maintenance man just helped her break the night before
bastards.
2. asking loaded questions with no right answers
from “do you think i’m gaining weight?” to “do you find her attractive?”, women love asking men unanswerable questions more than fat asians love pumas. at this point, i either answer by repeating the question “why? do you think you’re gaining weight?” or just saying “jello”
3. flirting with happily attached men
seriously, i really think that they have clandestine national meetings underneath williams sonoma’s every other weekend to discuss which one of us are in a relationship (“at approximately 4:26 eastern standard time last sunday afternoon, james jackson of albany, new york proposed to his longtime girlfriend“), decide when and how exactly to attack (“he’s particularly vulnerable between 12:25 and 12:50 wednesday afternoons right before he has his lunch“), and delegate who’s going to be leading the charge (“kim, since he has a thing for leggy women and is particular about his cologne, we’re gonna need you to slide up to him in line at wendy’s this week and compliment his new kenneth cole black. he also has a thing for business women, so make sure to wear your bangingest pants suit. a slight french accent would be cool too, since he’s infatuated with haitian women“)
while this is extremely lecherous, it’s nowhere as bad as…
4. “the boyfriend”
the boyfriend is the name for the scenario that occurs when a man has spent an entire night talking to, laughing and dancing with, and getting to know a seemingly unbelievably compatible woman, only to be hit with the “hey, what type of movies do you like? i’m really into p*rn, tarentino flicks, scorsese, and old nba highlight films. i love spielberg sometimes too, but not as much as my boyfriend does” right before he’s about to ask for her number.
bastards.
fellas, i know i’m missing a few. do you have any more examples of relentless cruelness you’d like to share? also, ladies, i need to know: why are you all so damn cruel? is it our fault, or did God just make you that way? is it nature, nurture, or the alcohol?
explain yourselves and sh*t
—the champ
the scenario that occurs when a man has spent an entire night talking to, laughing and dancing with, and getting to know a seemingly unbeliviably compatible woman, only to be hit with the “hey, what type of movies do you like? i’m really into p*rn, tarentino flicks, scorcese, and old nba highlight films. i love spielburg sometimes too, but not as much as my boyfriend does” right before he’s about to ask for her number.
That’s why you should ask up front lol.
@Leila,
That’s why you should ask up front lol.
thing is, women say that they hate when guys open conversations with that question.
don’t try to justify your evil.
@The Champ,
don’t try to justify your evil.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! i am so killed!!!! you KILL me!!!
@superwoman,
i always write down and keep your comments in my pocket so i can look at them if im having a bad day.
@The Champ,
*slaps forehead*
Not, upfront as in the very first statement you make to her, but when you are actively in conversation. Don’t wait all the way ’til the situation expressed in your post.
@Cheekie,
*slaps forehead*
Not, upfront as in the very first statement you make to her, but when you are actively in conversation. Don’t wait all the way ’til the situation expressed in your post.
I agree with Cheekie, I usually ask within the first 5-10 mins though so I won’t waste any more time then i have to.
@The Champ,
thing is, women say that they hate when guys open conversations with that question.
That would be funny though…
Man: Psst…hey you, tell me something, you got a man?
Woman: Ehhh, nah, why?
Man: Sup, love, [pops gum and offers her one] how you doin’, baby, my name’s Champ, nice night, eh? How ’bout them Pirates?
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
She’d probably say Pirates suck and keep it movin. If she doesn’t, then YOU should walk away.
@Leila,
“That’s why you should ask up front lol.”
Then we lose points for being presumtuous… We should be told upfront, you know he ain’t approach you to be friends.
@Omar,
i think they should just wear signs
@The Champ,
Hmmm. why would we get mad if you ask that? The question isn’t the problem. The problem starts when after I say Yea, I have a boyfriend, and the dude still keeps trying.
@Selah, oh you all get mad. you all are all like, “why for come you would just go straight there? you don’t respeck me enuff to even ask me how i’m doin’ or try to get to know me first? i’m a laaaaaady.”
yeah, something like that.
@Panama Jackson,
LOL I didn’t know we all spoke like that, too. I pretty much cosign everything Happy Meal said down there (insert arrow here)
It shouldn’t be the first question…. but it should be in the top few, i think. Cuz if not, the women have the right to spring that ish on you.
hmmm. Now that I think about it… I only say I have a boyfriend if after talkin to the guy for a while and I feel like he is a lame. Then it’s like NVM! I’m TAKEN! (which should be read as: TAKE YOUR LAME AZZ SOMEWHERE ELSE)
@Selah,
I only say I have a boyfriend if after talkin to the guy for a while and I feel like he is a lame. Then it’s like NVM! I’m TAKEN! (which should be read as: TAKE YOUR LAME AZZ SOMEWHERE ELSE)
if he’s lame, why are you talking to him for a while?
@Panama Jackson,
lol@ the ESL bishes you be baggin. Who talks like that?!
But I actually feel more disrespected when I tell a guy I have a man and he’s like “so”. Da eff you think you are? And what exactly do I look like? Dont answer that or I will be forced to get “urban” and embarrass us both.
@Champ,
because I have yet to learn how to tell a guy nicely to keep it pushin. So I get trapped in convos I don’t want to be in, while “willing them away” in my head
@Champ,
Also, some men just dont shut up. No lie, I’ve had random guys talk my ear off and not ask for my number. I think some ppl just like to make speeches. I call them “older black men”
@Panama,
“why for come you would just go straight there?”
AHAHAHAHA! Who TALKS like that?! First: Stop hittin’ on third graders. Second: If it’s the FIRST thing you ask, then yeah, you’re rude and will get told. “Hi” is the standard first statement in human nature. Don’t jumpstart to a conversation statement right off the back…you gotta get her initial attention first.
I imagine the conversation going something like this with ya’ll:
*Panama walking down the street*
*Lady walks by Panama*
*Panama gawks*
*Panana jumps in front of Lady*
Panama: You gotta man?
Lady: *sprays mace*
@Cheekie,
*Panama walking down the street*
*Lady walks by Panama*
*Panama gawks*
*Panana jumps in front of Lady*
Panama: You gotta man?
Lady: *sprays mace*
This might be an even better plot and script than the one I wrote upthread…
@Cheekie,
you forgot the last part
*Panama then hits lady with haymaker as he tries to get the mace out of his eyes*
*Panama then goes to jail and sings we shall overcome as he’s being escorted away by police*
@Panama,
With your addition, I’d probably go see this play.
@SGPL,
Writing scripts is what I does.
@The Champ,
I’m going to agree with you on this one – 100%. “You gotta man?” is not a cool pick-up line.
In fact, your lameness will immediately cause your invisibility shield to drop into place.
@SexyCool,
I agree. Can we make conversation? Can we share a few laughs? Does it have to be about the chase ALL the time? I would rather a guy talk to me casually than ask me if I have a boyfriend. If that’s part of your first questions, even if I’m single, I am walking away.
@sula is pro-socialism
“I agree. Can we make conversation? Can we share a few laughs? Does it have to be about the chase ALL the time? I would rather a guy talk to me casually than ask me if I have a boyfriend”
this really depends on when and how you meet. if you just happen to strike up a convo in the elevator, thats cool. but, if a guy meets a woman at a club type place where he’s already probably spent money getting in and maybe buying a drink or two, having great convo with cool, attached women isn’t the most efficient way to spend that time
@SexyCool,
yeah that “you got a man” line is so lame to me. I’d rather say “are you single”, idk, you don’t seem as desperate and when you ask a woman if she has a man, most automatically get the impression I want to be in a relationship with them. But if I ask if their single, then hopefully I give off the vibe that I want to get to know you more and see where it goes….
@Omar,
I guess every woman is different cuz I have no problem with being asked if I have a man early on. Dont get me wrong. It shouldnt literally be the FIRST question, before “How are you doing?”/”What’s your name?” but I dont wanna be the presumptuous one if a brotha is just making small talk on the train and I bust out with “I GOTS A MAYNE!!”. Cuz that would make me a douche.
Also, you’d be surprised how many full grown men will hit you with the “Well I aint tryna be yo’ man *smirk*” after you tell them you’re taken. Ninja plz! What a coincidence, cuz I aint tryna be yo’ friend!
Or worse yet, the dude who will actually try to convince you he makes all his friends by staring into their cleavage and asking them to dinner. Yup, GROWN men.
@Me fail english?,
“Also, you’d be surprised how many full grown men will hit you with the “Well I aint tryna be yo’ man *smirk*” after you tell them you’re taken. Ninja plz! What a coincidence, cuz I aint tryna be yo’ friend!”
*Dead* I must file this away for later usage
@Me fail english?,
“Well I aint tryna be yo’ man *smirk*”
After saying this do they say “…I’m trying to be yo’ ni**a”???
@Omar,
LMAO! That dude would get at least another 60 seconds of convo and a smile just for being soo….”ethnic”
@Me fail english?, Also, you’d be surprised how many full grown men will hit you with the “Well I aint tryna be yo’ man *smirk*” after you tell them you’re taken.
i can’t lie. i’ve said that to a chick before. it was true…i was just trying to hit.
@Panama Jackson,
Yeah…we’re familiar with that logic. *laughing loudly*
@Me fail english?,
but I dont wanna be the presumptuous one if a brotha is just making small talk on the train and I bust out with “I GOTS A MAYNE!!”. Cuz that would make me a douche.
lol, no. that would officially make you the funniest black female comedian in america.
don’t feel too good about that title though. right now it doesn’t take much
@Me fail english?,
“I GOTS A MAYNE!!”
I read this in the voice of Ashley “Smashly” Evans.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
love smashley! she’s the running joke in my circle of friends
@Me fail english?, yeah bein hit with the “ay guh…you got a man?” is not the business. and it happens. alot.
don’t you wanna kno my name? i met a dude named Meat once, complete with matching “MEAT” iced-out chain…and don’t you think that affected my decision to continue a conversation with this guy? it did. similarly if i said my name is chasdizz but they call me throatcutter, you may wanna kno that before we get to if i have a man or not.
actually now that i think about it, i get a lot of out of order questions.
hmm.
@Chasdizz,
*doubled over laughing @ this whole damn post*
When I was younger I used to tell dudes I didnt like my name was”Bruce” in a tenor. I was the only one who thought that ish was funny.
@Chasdizz,
i met a dude named Meat once, complete with matching “MEAT” iced-out chain
how does one get the nickname “meat”?. actually, nevermind. thats probably a question i’m better off not knowing the answer to
@Champ,
he claimed it was short for Demetrius…but he could have been lying.
OMG yes. I hate the ones who think they’re going to be boyfriend #2 or just keep talking when you have a rather substantial rock on your left hand.
@Leila, Of all the times I’ve ever read an “LOL” on a computer screen, this one here:
“That’s why you should ask up front lol.”
…may possibly be the cruelest.
@Leila,
Actually, she’s right. You should ask up front. It doesn’t take a genius to do it.
Say, she’s wearing a scarf.
Guy: “Brr, it’s a bit chilly tonight but you seem to be generating heat here all by yourself”.
Gal: *giggles* “Well, I do my best”.
Guy: “I’m sure you do” *smile* “Though maybe it’s that scarf, your boyfriend has good taste”.
Gal: “Actually, I got that myself. I don’t have a boyfriend”
Guy: *score!*
OR
Gal: “Yeah, he’s that one standing over there”.
Guy: *that explains the burning sensation on the back of my neck*
OR
Gal: “Nah, my boyfriend found this to be too much”.
Guy: *Ah, that explains why it seemed too easy to chat with her*
@kamakula, hahaha, choose your own adventure!
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I love you for the Choose Your Own Adventure shout-out.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
lmao @ choose your own adventure.
@kamakula,
lol, you should have kept it going
well, hell. i have nothing to comment about today. because i do all of these.
@charli skipp,
bastard
@The Champ,
bastard these.
i’ve waited so long to say that. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
@charli skipp, lmao, you have waited so long to say “these”?
@charli skipp,
*sigh* I can’t even give u complete props. It’s “DEEZ!”
@charli skipp,
these deez
@The Champ, thuggie luvvie, and overit
umm………you guys will not steal my joy today. Not Today, DEVIL! lol
@charli skipp,
I love how you got proper on Champ. *standing O*
And FINALLY, we got to witness Champ saying “these deez”. I predicted this way back when we had to ask Champie and Panda those questions. Miss Cleo can kick rocks. Make way for Miss Cheekie.
@Cheekie,
cheek deez
@Champ,
*puts on SARS mask*
@charli skipp,
Are we like related or something? lol…
@charli skipp, wow, admitted suckery. you don’t get that too often.
@Panama Jackson,
wow, admitted suckery. you don’t get that too often.
i do, but its…wait. nevermind
@The Champ,
*smh*
I don’t know why we ask the unanswerable questions. I do it unconsciously… but my boyfriend always says, “You ain’t gonna get me with that one…” He also knows to answer often with, “Girl you know you fine, hush up.” lol…
example convo:
Alise: Does this dress flatter me?
Boyfriend: Girl you know you fine.
Alise: How’s the weather?
Boyfriend: Girl, you know you fine
Alise: What time does the movie start?
Boyfriend: Girl, you know you fine.
(smart man)
@Naturally Alise,
***taking notes***
@Naturally Alise,
LMAO!!! E’s smart indeed.
@Naturally Alise,
Yeah…yeah….like that….(**puffy voice whisper**)
Bond. BlkBond.
We are cruel because ya’ll are mean. Flipping the script:
1) Why do you take a woman out four times then kiss her on the forehead and tell her she’s a pal. You could’ve done that day one so she knew she was in the friend zone.
2) Why do you answer a question with a question and think we don’t notice? “So where were you last night?” Men, “Oh did you try and call me?” FAIL!
3) Why do you wait until we have given up on you and are into someone else to show us you are interested. Now I gotta man and you can’t live without me? Or do you just want what you can’t have? Hmm?
4) Why are you smiling at me, making conversation, dancing and buying drinks when you KNOW you have a Jazmine Sullivan type girlfriend/wife who carries a Glock in her purse?
yessir, this is why we wait until the fourth quarter of the game to tell you “we need to talk”, this is why we sometimes eat a steak before you come home and give you a hamburger, and this is why we changed the ringtone on your phone to play “Say My Name” every time we call and then we call you twenty times while you are out with your boys. We gotta fight fire with fire. Ha!
@OneChele,
1. don’t date gay men
2. don’t ask stupid questions
3. stop playin
4. we want to be saved
“yessir, this is why we wait until the fourth quarter of the game to tell you “we need to talk”, this is why we sometimes eat a steak before you come home and give you a hamburger, and this is why we changed the ringtone on your phone to play “Say My Name” every time we call and then we call you twenty times while you are out with your boys. We gotta fight fire with fire. Ha!”
bastard
@The Champ,
LOL at “stop playin”
@The Champ,
lol. Champ’s in rare form today.
@The Champ, wow, great answers.
she trippin.
@The Champ,
Well played
@The Champ,
“2. don’t ask stupid questions”
The above can be copied and pasted next to each each of YOUR numbers. And your final question.
Also: Don’t be stupid.
@Cheekie,
ALSO, very true.
@The Champ,
Bwahahahahaha…..
@The Champ,
“stop playing” lmao
@OneChele,
“We are cruel because ya’ll are mean. ”
DING DING DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“1) Why do you take a woman out four times then kiss her on the forehead and tell her she’s a pal. You could’ve done that day one so she knew she was in the friend zone.”
Wait. Are you me? Because this exact thing happened to me! This guy that I went to school with made a fool of himself trying to ask me out in front of a group of our classmates/friends. Said he had a crush on me/the whole nine. We go on a few wooooonderful dates and he makes no moves–I figure he’s a gentleman. Until after date 4, when he kisses me on the forehead…….um…..wait. what? HUH!? ouch *sad face* lol
__________________________________________
3) Why do you wait until we have given up on you and are into someone else to show us you are interested. Now I gotta man and you can’t live without me? Or do you just want what you can’t have? Hmm?
“Hmm,” indeed! Men are selfish.
And thanks for the “Say My Name” ringtone tip. I’m going to change my “just a friend” boy’s to “I’m Bossy!” tonight.
@charli skipp, Wait. Are you me? Because this exact thing happened to me! This guy that I went to school with made a fool of himself trying to ask me out in front of a group of our classmates/friends. Said he had a crush on me/the whole nine. We go on a few wooooonderful dates and he makes no moves–I figure he’s a gentleman. Until after date 4, when he kisses me on the forehead…….um…..wait. what? HUH!? ouch *sad face* lol
i’m guessing it took 4 dates to realize…man, i spent all that time trying to get this chick and THIS IS IT?!?! forehead kiss off.
@Panama Jackson,
If the guy was all over you at first, then 4 dates into it, gives you nothing more than a forehead kiss… what does that tell you??
@Roger,
um…that you are mean? bastid.
@OneChele, girl i’m currently going through #3. NOW you want to just call and make small talk? Boy bye!
@melekaj, he wants to see you naked.
@Panama Jackson,
i agree. he wants to do the no pants dance
@OneChele,
Ok, you have described 1/2 of the turds that I have dated in the last year. Wow, apparently I suck at this dating thing.
@chaoticdiva,
why is the image of you out at a movie or something with a giant turd stuck in my head? like, you’re sitting there eating popcorn, and he’s in the other seat, just sitting there, and people are wondering “why is she sitting next to that piece of sh*t? is she insane or something?
thats not maia campbell, is it?”@The Champ, “why is the image of you out at a movie or something with a giant turd stuck in my head? like, you’re sitting there eating popcorn, and he’s in the other seat, just sitting there, and people are wondering “why is she sitting next to that piece of sh*t? is she insane or something? thats not maia campbell, is it?””
LMBAO @ all of this foolishness right here.
@The Champ,
I’m mad ppl are talking about why she’s at the movie with shet rather than questioning the existence of a breathing, man-sized piece of shet.
Also, plz dont joke about Maia Campbell as she is a saint and we know how I get.
@OneChele, “Why do you wait until we have given up on you and are into someone else to show us you are interested. Now I gotta man and you can’t live without me? Or do you just want what you can’t have? Hmm? ”
That is the dayum truth… they are forever coming out of the woodworks.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Seriously I’m gonna need a man to answer this one. Who the hell told yall to keep showin up like herpes?
@Me fail english?, Exactly… because it’s guaranteed to happen.
@Me fail english?, done and done.
we were bored and we’d like to continue trying to see you naked. so we figure, what the hell, its worth a shot. we aint’ doing nothing else and there’s no game on.
@Panama Jackson,
took the words out of my mouth
by the way, saying “took the words out of my mouth” to another man is 34 percent gay
@Me fail english?,
Why grown women need this explained to them is ridiculous to me
@Dorian G.,
Ya know, once I finished typing that I realized…”Wait. I know the answer to this. Why did I ask?” I guess a better question would be why are they so persistent. At some point if Im not even answering the phone/text shouldnt you get MORE bored and move on to the next number?
@Me fail english?, cuz pen*s is persistent.
“pen*s is persistent.”
this could definitely be a t-shirt, but i dont know who i’d market it to
@Dorian G., Me fail….
“I guess a better question would be why are they so persistent. At some point if Im not even answering the phone/text shouldnt you get MORE bored and move on to the next number?”
Men’s persistence is directly related to the amount of attention you retract (there’s an algorithm for this, I believe).
-If you always used to answer his calls after one ring and now he goes to voicemail, he will increase his calls by 3.
-If you used to invite him over for dinners, or otherwise suggest meet-ups and suddenly stop contact, he will increase his calls by 5.
-If you gave him the drawers and then subsequently called to keep in touch but were met with half-hearted “uh huh’s”, when you don’t call him for a month or more he will call, write, show up at your doorstep, apply for a job at your workplace and staple his photo onto every Essence that appears in your mailbox.
@Me fail english?,
herpes indeed.
with no valtrex commercial in sight.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Oooo!!! Really though!
@OneChele,
or worse, 5) suddenly abandon FWB/jumpoff protocol by consistently slobbing me down all up in the face like we married only to be talmbout how you to scared to try and get to know me? WTF?! What you really want from a ninja?!
@Happy Meal,
I applaud the use of any and all DMX quotes.
@miss t-lee,
lol I use it at LEAST once a week
@Happy Meal,
I paraphrased the “I’m not a nice person” quote in my post downthread…LMAO
@miss t-lee,
ya’ll have blood on your hands, cause there’s no remorse
@The Champ,
“Catch you on some cozy ish, running around here with chinese slippers and silk scarves on…”
*snickering*
@OneChele, 3) Why do you wait until we have given up on you and are into someone else to show us you are interested. Now I gotta man and you can’t live without me? Or do you just want what you can’t have? Hmm?
b/c we get bored too. and when we get bored we run down all the numbers to see if we can hit off any body we didn’t manage to poke before. its really quite simple. sometimes, you will get that call. and no, he doesnt want to be with you. he wants to see your pokerface.
@Panama Jackson,
and you say women are cruel…lol
@Happy Meal, that’s not cruel. she already got a man so its really just for sport. now it would be cruel if she LEFT her current man, we hit, AND THEN dropped.
now that’s cruel.
@Panama Jackson,
bastards.
And this is why when i see missed calls/texts from dudes from way back I don’t respond. He ain’t just tryna “catch up”.
@Selah,
He ain’t just tryna “catch up”.
oh, he is. just not in the way you’re thinking
@OneChele,
That ain’t so bad.
What about when women use feeler questions to manipulate you into doing stuff they want you to do. Example:
Woman: “What are you doing later?”
Man: “Nothing, chilling, watching the game.”
Woman: “It’s not the playoffs, right?”
Man: “Nah, it’s way to early for that.”
Woman “Don’t the games only get really good in the playoffs?”
Man: “Yeah, pretty much.”
Woman: “Cool…Um, I need somebody to help move out of my apartment tonight, can you help?”
That right there is wrong. ‘Cause if we try to cut to the chase and find out what you want, since we know you’re not really interested in basketball or our plans, y’all get all huffy and what not.
This is the worst female trait in the world.
@Big Man,
I have a co-worker who hits me with the “Are you busy?” only to ask me to do his work for him. Now I always say yes. Even when Im just sipping hot chocolate and filing my nails.
@Me fail english?,
i had a co-worker who’d get me with that to, but he was clever enough to make his questions so vaguely specific that i wouldnt catch on
“hey champ, do you have any plans for the second weekend in october?”
“nah”
“great. i just bought a new fridge, and i need someone to help me move it”
Four words:
Tight t-shit.
Erect nipples.
Yeah, I went there.
@Anechoic,
i was gonna add a pic like that to the post, until i remembered that we’re trying not to get banned anymore
@Anechoic,
Erect nipples disgust me. Well, unless……..nevermind.
@charli skipp,
Can I delete this?
@charli skipp,
LMAO!
@charli skipp,
Can I delete this?
depends
@charli skipp,
Also, can we pleaaaaaase talk about mackenzie phillips on oprah? WHAT is going on with the 2520 people?
@charli skipp,
No. That’s just nasty…I purposely avoided even watching the show yesterday…lol I read the article though.
@charli skipp,
you made me google her. and i am thoroughly disgusted. I mean come on! That was Fi’s mom on So Weird! Who knew she had them issues. SMH.
@charli skipp,
that situation gives another meaning to the phillips head screwdriver
@The Champ,
Yup. You’re definitely in rare form today.
@Anechoic,
“Tight t-shit.
Erect nipples.”
ummm It’s cold!
@Ivy St.,
It doesn’t even have to be cold for me…SMDH..high school was rough for me, lol
@Smiley Face,
two words
Molded cups.
@Happy Meal,
two more words…
don’t work
My mama ‘blessed’ me with these things, lol..only things that work are those nursing pads . I’ve even tried the bras with the daisies already in them, I can still see the outline….
@smiley face
My mama ‘blessed’ me with these things, lol..only things that work are those nursing pads . I’ve even tried the bras with the daisies already in them, I can still see the outline….
***useless without pics***
@Smiley Face,
I am seriously not trying to be facetious, but what exactly is wrong with erect nipples? I mean it’s not like you want them to be ‘erect’, they are just that… I don’t know it sometimes feels like we are going out of our way for something that’s rather harmless imho…
@Sula,
Harmless maybe to you but it can be uncomfortable when you look up from the presentation you’re giving, wondering why your colleague hasn’t answered you and him staring directly into your chest or being constantly teased about your 2 sets of eyes, I can’t walk around with my arms crossed, lol..meh. When I’m not at work I don’t care but when I am, I prefer to keep my nipples to myself.
@Sula,
I gotta agree with Smiley. That ish is embarrassing. Thankfully it doesnt come up (see what I did there? haha) often.
@Anechoic,
“Tight t-shit.”
All I know is that I don’t wanna wear a t-shit, I wanna wear a t-shirt. The former sounds smelly and uncouth.
@Cheekie,
Nobody wants me to keep my damn job. I dont know if its the jokes or Im still drunk…
*logs off*
@Me fail english?,
LOL, Girl, my bad. I support folks keeping their jobs. Folks also includes ‘me’. This is all Champ’s fault.
@Cheekie,
its not my fault. the g-20 hysteria here s making me crazy
@Me fail english?, “Nobody wants me to keep my damn job. I dont know if its the jokes or Im still drunk…”
I know my boss is wondering because she just sent an email talking about mandatory work on Saturday and Sunday and I’m in here crakkin the fukk up like that sh!t is cool. LoL FUKKIT! LONG LIVE VSB! y’all muffukkas are hilarious
@Cheekie, taking a t-sh*t would be a neat trick, however.
Pfft. I don’t intentionally flirt with taken men…sober. And…and…and….nevermind.
@chaoticdiva,
bastard
@The Champ,
bastard deez. aoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooww!
@charli skipp,
LOL!
@charli skipp,
*Dying* @ “aooooooo… [to be cont'd]“
@The Champ,
Aww, you know I can’t help being a flirt. However, I don’t do homewrecking activities. And I’m indecisive. Because of this, I don’t keep boyfriends…I’m scared I’ll lose interest.
…ok, so I see I’m not really helping my case at this point, so I’m going to take the foot out of my mouth and find a book to read.
@chaoticdiva,
Aww, you know I can’t help being a flirt.
lol, yes you can. you just don’t want to
@chaoticdiva,
i do. sober and not. its good sport. i kinda do it as revenge for the 4 dates and forehead kiss. yeah i might be wrong but eh, they dont have to participate.
Women are considered cruel?
Thank you, I take that as compliment…
@h3avensent08,
bastard
@The Champ,
Is this gonna be your response to every woman’s post today? Who pissed on your toast?
I know, I know.
“Yes…bastard.” and “Toast deez”
@Me fail english?,
quote deez
@ champ…
Women aren’t cruel…men are stewpid!
1. you know you are in the friend zone…keep it moving
2. you may not know what to say but you damn sure ought to know what NOT to say
3. You like it and flirt back and where’s your ring?
4. Does it really matter? if i’m here all night with you then…
@Caramel Eclair,
“Women aren’t cruel…men are stewpid!”
I’d like this on a t-shirt in an XS. Please and thanks.
@Thuggie Luvvie, Give me one in a smedium… Please and thank you.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
YES, definitely a t-shirt!
@Caramel Eclair,
4. Does it really matter?
…more proof
@Caramel Eclair,
I find it hilarious that the men in the friend zone don’t quite get that the “friend zone” is a nice way of saying “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but you’re not my type”. My friend zone guys generally have asked me out, and I’ve told them no, but they stick around anyways, because apparently I pronounce “no” like “maybe in a week I’ll be interested”… I’m always left wondering if I missed something.
@chaoticdiva,
(deadpan) – Apparently, we know the same dudes.
@chaoticdiva,
“apparently I pronounce “no” like “maybe in a week I’ll be interested”…”
I wonder this myself… Men are some persistent little creatures…
@chaoticdiva, i realize that on this here site we apparently get all of the (allegedly) “most sane” women in the world (somehow) who somehow never fall into the stereotypes we claim of women, but let’s not BS ourselves here either. most women do not just have these guys who REFUSE to take no for an answer (unless you’re in the club and that only lasts for say, 4 to 5 hours). when you all have men that just won’t go away its probably b/c you offer some glimmer of hope somewhere knowing full damn well that we’re looking for a glimmer of hope. you get mad when we refer to you all as just a “friend” but have no desire on having any conversation about feelings. women like having “friend zone” dudes b/c it allows them the companionship they want while they don’t have the boyfriend they want.
*and i know NONE of you all would dare do such a thing.
you’re lying.
@Panama Jackson,
I’ma give you this one. But I will say that those male friendships are those that I find safer to invest in. That said, I give and do as much to/for them as they do me….why? Because guess what? I actually consider them friends. I believe there are plenty of great black men out there but all of them are not meant for me. So as sordid as it may sound, they serve as pleasant reminders that there is a black man out there for me and I spoil them and remind them that they shouldnt settle for a woman, of ANY ethnicity that isn’t going to treat them at least as good as I do, if not better, cuz they can do bad all by themselves.
@Happy Meal,
Damn. That’s commendable. I’m mostly just a user. *shrugs*
@Happy Meal, so as to NOT be cruel, you keep these great men around as reminders that there are other great men (that aren’t the ones around you pining away for you) so that you can give some great man a chance b/c of the great man you have as a friend?
is that about right?
that’s like me saying, “girl, you’re so perfect, i hope i meet a chick like you so that i can get married and be the family that i know i always wanted. buck up kid, you give me hope for women out there. i dont want you, but somebody just like you will do just fine. just not you. you’re my friend and i don’t date friends, though i hope that the chick that i get, who’s of course, JUST like you will become my friend…thank you for beeeeeeeeing a friend and giving me hope. first Obama and now you! wow, how can a guy be so lucky!”
@Happy Meal,
I am with Me Fail here… Yes, sometimes I keep some guys around for fun… not on purpose though. It’s just that I realize it after the fact…
@Panama Jackson,
when you all have men that just won’t go away its probably b/c you offer some glimmer of hope somewhere knowing full damn well that we’re looking for a glimmer of hope
inglorious bastards
@The Champ, and @ Panama,
spare me! Ninjas do similar things all the time i.e. you’re great and all but i’m not ready for a serious relationship ….only to end up engaged and giggly 3 months later. Are you really tryin to tell me all your female friends ( if you have any) are people you don’t think are relationship material at all? i’m not saying my man friends are or are not perfect, I’m just saying I don’t think they’re for me… Either I see things in them that i dont want from someone i’m going to date, or we just don’t click like that….
just cuz i don’t want it don’t mean i gotta knock it
@happy meal,
the champ doesn’t have female friends, just women he slept with in different lifetimes.
@Panama Jackson,
I have coined the phrase “mind whore.”
This is what those dudes are to chicks. They provide all the mental stimulation of a boyfriend, which allows chicks to ignore the fact that the ninja actually laying pipe can’t remember their last name half the time.
Just like men have slores, women have mind whores. Unlike us, they can’t be honest with themselves about what’s going on, and like to pretend that we’re the ones who fooled ourselves. Of course, we men do say the same thing about our crazy jumpoffs.
It all works out.
@Big Man,
That’s genius. Good look Big Man. I have seen this process, and naming it has eluded me, however, your definition of mind whore will suffice.
Bond.
@Big Man,
Unlike us, they can’t be honest with themselves about what’s going on, and like to pretend that we’re the ones who fooled ourselves.
You know what I will have to agree with you.
@Big Man,
good point and sh*t
@Caramel Eclair,
This is all gospel truth. Some men refuse to acknowledge rejection. I had a guy “date” me for like 2 years when I was younger, without so much as inviting him over to watch the grammy’s. Sheeit, I was in college wit no dough and he just kept taking me to free, good asz dinners. What did you expect me to do?!?!
@Me fail english?,
“What did you expect me to do?!?! ”
Order the Surf and Turf
@Ivy St.,
With the Lobster Bisque.
@miss t-lee, this woulda got someone stabbed. not necessarily u but someone
@ Peysonic Temple,
LMAO!!!! Bring it!!!
@miss t-lee,
LMAO @ Peyso randomly turning around to stab another patron as I ordered the bisque.
Unrelated: I almost got hit with broken glass in Red Lobster one time. The girl who caught the brunt of the shards (an innocent bystander) had to get stitches. It was gross. But we kept eating.
@ Me fail english?,
That sounds like a hood azz Red Lobster…lmao
I’m *dying* that ya’ll kept eating though. Can’t waste pefectly good food huh? lol
“It was gross. But we kept eating.”
sounds like dinner at ivy street’s
@miss t-lee,
And my homegirls had the nerve to try to get the meal free for the “inconvenience” of being in the middle of the fight. I told their dumbasses you can’t keep eating and get it for free. You gotta act shocked and appalled…and dump the rest of the crab meat in your purse…
And I think ALL Red’s are ghetto. This joint was in Times Square, 2009. smh but lmao
@Me fail english?,
Wow y’all are evil.
@Dorian G.,
LOL
3. flirting with happily attached men
eh, i noticed couples like to just make up ish sometimes, i figured it spices things up. there is blatant flirting, but sometimes people assume based off the most benign conversation. womp.
@overit,
womp deez
@The Champ,
“womp deez”
Naw. Aif may get jealous.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
May your fro never grow.
@overit,
I call BS on this one too. You know how you’ll be standing next to a guy and a woman comes up and makes friendly conversation, and next thing you know, it’s all about “she wants me. See how she was flirting?”… Ermmm… no she wasn’t!!! She was talkingto you. Like a real chick. And, then of course you get hit with ye olde “Oh you didn’t pick it up as it was a bit subtle. But we men know when we’re being hit on”.
Please! Show me a woman who can’t pick up on the 25 hues and 567 permutations of flirting, and I’ll show you a man who just had a secks change operation….
@wanjiru, i call BS on your BS. if a chick rolls up on a dude, she’s flirting. y’all got too much pride to just roll up on a dude all willynilly and not flirt as to ensure he won’t play you.
women don’t take rejection well.
now, my sister is the type to roll up on a dude and just start talking. but she’ll flirt with a tree.
oh yeah, you know how we know most of y’all are flirting. you invade the F*CK out of our personal space..
@Panama Jackson, Mmm, this depends on where you’re standing. If you’re at a crowded bar, I’ll just strike up a conversation with you so that you’ll give me room to order my drink.
@overit,
I know some women who really get off on telling their significant others about the random dudes that hit on them throughout the course of a given day. I never understood this concept. It’s funny to me cause trust that they always tell us about the ones that tried to holla that they didn’t like. They don’t say shyt about the ones who they actually DO like.
@Monk,
They don’t say shyt about the ones who they actually DO like.
bastards
@Monk,
Um, that’s because they want you to KNOW that there are men that want them. Do not want YOU to get too comfortable or take them for granted. And women never tell you about the ones they DO like…why? So you can get pissed that they didn’t mind? Because you know you would be, lol.
@Lady Chi,
Word. why the hell would I tell you about my potential next man?
haha, j/k (sorta)
@Me fail english?,
LMAO. I know right.
@overit,
I agree. I’ve been accused of flirting with men, women, children, old ninjas, cats, all types of isht. No negro. Its called making eye contact and smiling. Ya kno? Like how regular humans communicate!
@Me fail english?, stop flirting.
@Panama Jackson,
lol. I used to work in sales. I think it sometimes just seeps into my convos as my way of making ppl feel comfortable around me.
@Me fail english?, so you admit it.
@Panama Jackson,
No.
I was not flirting with that Girl Scout. And I didnt plan on making my bf jealous buying those cookies. I really just smile, make eye contact and (try to) remember the names of everyone I speak to. It’s not my fault she thinks I’m sexy.
@Me fail english?,
the eye contact and the smiling messes me up every time. Just cuz I acknowledge your presence doesn’t mean I want to get to know that presence. Thanks.
@Selah,
stop playing
@The Champ,
LOL! So i’m supposed to what? Walk around with a frown on my face? Growl at men that I’m not interested in? i’m just polite sheeeesh.
@The Champ,
Stop acting brand new. Smiling at folks doesn’t equal flirting. If that were the case, the baby in the stroller thinks I want him to put a ring on it just because I acknowledged him. Smiling is acknowledgement. Smiling with bedroom eyes is something else. Ya’ll must decipher the two. Too bad.
@Selah,
Exactly! And then when we grimace we’re some “angry black women”. Smile, and we’re being frisky.
Everytime we move we lose.
@me fail english,
Everytime we move we lose.
which is why barefoot and pregnant still remains the best move
@Me fail english?, thank you! i wasn’t feeling that particular point cause i’ve had the same experience. i like talking to people, smiling, and i cannot tell you how many times my brand of communication has been interpreted as flirting/making moves.
@Me fail english?,
Word. This whole flirting business can get out of hand I promise. It’s almost like people expect you to mean-mug everyday. Can’t help it if I like to smile. Geesh!
@Me fail english?,
I’m still confused by this. I always assume a woman smiling is happy or that is just her demeanor. Then I get knocked for not recognizing a smile and a SMILE from a woman I don’t know.
@Humble_One aka $5 Footlong,
Yeah, I dunno the secret formula for when a smile is just a smile as opposed to an invitation to get my #. Im not even sure about the subtle differences in the signals I give off.
I just happen to be a woman who talks too much and smiles a lot.
I might catch some flack for saying this but after a certain … Say around 23-25ish and you still find yourself being put into the friend zone you deserve it! I think by the time every male has reached that age range, you should have been schooled to the game … Or at least part of it
@Eff yo couch, i think that works in theory. but you know, you can’t always be sure when you’re being put in the friend zone. hell, i’ve put chicks in the friend zone and not even realized it until i asked them to come clean my kitchen…
…and they did it and i was like, you’re such a good friend.
@Panama Jackson,
you can’t always be sure when you’re being put in the friend zone.
This verifies Eff yo couch’s theory… If you don’t know it, then you’re lame. End of story.
@Sula, verify deez.
@Eff yo couch,
Say around 23-25ish and you still find yourself being put into the friend zone you deserve it! I think by the time every male has reached that age range, you should have been schooled to the game
How so? I’m well versed in the game, starting pg in fact, and it still happens to me. (Though a lot less than when I was 20 granted) Unless your name is Pimpin Ken, It Can Happen To You (PSA voice)
@Tone Capone,
I think what’s complex about the friend zone is sometimes it takes a while for a dude to get friend zoned. I know dudes like to say “women know in the first 5 mins if they’re humping or not”. But that ish just aint true. At least not for me.
If it takes me til the 3rd date to figure out you’re a ho-bag, a whiner, or just fakin jacks (takin em back!) in general a potential romance can get banished to the FZ indefinitely.
@Me fail english?, well, the great I-N-I teaches that brothers that fake jax get laid on their backs. now, in the song they were talking getting clapped back and sh*t, but i’m gonna make it sound like women often sleep with dudes who are faking the funk anyway.
i really just wanted to shout out I-N-I b/c Pete Rock produced them and Grap Luva is my homeboy.
@Tone Capone,
Well in all honesty because you should know from early on whether or not you gonna be given a chance to get game action. Maybe not the first date or whatever, but seriously a month later you still ain’t so much as kissed her and she ask you to go grocery shopping with her because “its more fun with someone”, you in the friendzone buddy. Shouldn’t be happening to an experienced dude.
@Tone Capone,
welcome and sh*t
@Eff yo couch,
you know, i actually agree. all of my friend zone experience happened in college. once i graduated though, if i was feeling a chick and she wasn’t interested, then i just stopped dealing with her.
basically, you can still get “friend-zoned”, but you shouldn’t stay there anymore.
@The Champ,
Yes. I place this blame of the dudes post-undergrad. Alot of times, you may be filed in that ‘d*kc in a glass’ category. You get that 2:23 a.m. phone call that goes like this:
Me: Hello?
Her: It’s hot. I think my air is broke.
Me: You should call someone in the morning.
Her: I was actually hoping you could come over.
Me: How hot is it?
Her: I don’t have any clothes on.
Me: I’m on the way
Bond.
@BlkBond,
lol. This sounds like the beginning of a porn “plot”. I can hear the cheesy music now.