The Five Best Parts Of Lean On Me That Didn’t Involve Crack » VSB

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The Five Best Parts Of Lean On Me That Didn’t Involve Crack

Centric, self-appointed television for Black women, was showing Lean on Me the other day. Bedridden with the flu, I, a Black woman for all intents and purposes, watched the whole motherfucking thing. Commercials for Everest College and Scandal repeats and all. Here are my favorite underrated scenes.

1 Mr. Clark whoops the ass of the nefarious gentleman who was beating the brakes off Kid Ray. Armed with little more than a megaphone and the heart of a thousand lions, old ass Morgan Freeman kicked the shit out of a crack dealer with a switchblade, after running at full speed down, like, three different hallways. Didn’t even break a sweat. GLORIOUS.

2 The sexual tension between Joe Clark and Miss Levias when she confronts him after that meeting. “You know, this doesn’t surprise me one bit, Miss Levias. I have sensed resistance in you since our very first meeting.” Swoon! And no sexier sentence more wrought with unbridled desire has ever been screamed in a high school hallway than “YOU ARE AN EGOMANIACAL WINDBAG.”

“What do you want from me!?” he shouts all up in her face. And, in my heart, her reply is always, “THE D, MY DUDE.”

joe clark

3 Mr. Clark jumping rope with that little chubby guy whose heart is clearly about to explode from so much physical exertion. I can’t jump double-dutch because I’m from the suburbs, but I do appreciate singing along with a good jump rope rhyme. “How you spell Joe Clark? He’s on time! How you spell Eastside? Eastside High!”

4 When Mr. Clark gets arrested and the little chunk Sams yells, “Yo bitch, vote on this!” while grabbing his fat little crotch. Basically I just love that tiny guy. What a cutie. I hope he didn’t squander his money or whatever happens to child actors.

5 “I don’t have to do nothing but stay black and die.” Ask my mother how often she heard that after I first saw this goddamned movie. Then ask me how many times I got chased through the house with a bat afterward. They used to call her Crazy Joe…

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Samantha Irby

Samantha Irby writes a blog called bitches gotta eat and recently published a book of essays called "meaty."

  • He who thinks before he speaks

    That “stay black and die” line was the truth! I still use it today at work, where all the black ppl laugh and white ppl stare uncomfortably.

    • Paradigm

      W/out being specific… Where you work at?

      • He who thinks before he speaks

        The Military/Veteran Resource Center at my college. We gives NO f***s lol.

        • Paradigm

          Yeah ya’ll goin’ in… There’s a good chance I’ll be changing jobs/relocating in the next 9mths… I might have to drop a “All I gotta do is stay Black and die” just for the ‘eff of it before then… Stay tuned

    • jolly

      Would love to be that fly on the wall LMAO

  • Maximillian
    • jolly

      “You will cow tow, you will step & fetch…cause I’m the HNIC…Come on let’s get something to eat.” Well damn. *throws hands up*

  • It hurt my heart to find out that Miss Levias was actually a white, Jewish woman in real life. Talk about ya re-casts… man!

  • I’ve actually crossed paths with people who knew Joe Clark in real life, thanks to my Joisey higher education. Apparently, they toned DOWN his personality for the movie. He’s apparently that freaking crazy. Also, Eastside High still exists and, save for a new extension they built, looks the same.

    Lastly, back when I went to Rutgers, they had separate commencements for the different colleges. Joe Clark was speaking that day…for another college. I had to deal with some boring a$$ veterinarian dude. Heck, I bet 95% of the people who were there didn’t remember that. When I found out that deal, I was tight. Heck, I’m STILL tight. I love ol’ Joe! :)

    • candygirl

      Yeah, I met Joe and his daughter (an Olympic track and field star) about a year ago. She said he was definitely much crazier than the movie–at work and at home. She said that her high school dating experience was……interesting. LOL.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      I used to see his daughters back when we all ran; they were cool. I never brought up pops because everybody did and I know they got tired of being asked about him.

  • Meridian

    My favorite scene:

    “Fair Eastsi -i-i-i-de. *chokes on spit and nervousness* Fair Eastside, by thy side we’ll stand and always praise thy name…”

  • Also, because it’s Friday, and I like to mock my own pieties…. Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Ayn Rand – Ho…:

    • Freebird

      this was brilliant.

      • I find it funny when Republicans mess with her. Like wait… You want a pill popping cougar who was pro-choice and despised religion to ride for you? Did you read the fvcking novels man? LOL

        • Neptunes presents The Clones

          The Fountain Head

          • uNk

            That caption tho lol!!!

          • I’m ALLLL the way late with this one, but gotDAMN! I think I might be swayed by an ISIS pitch by this woman. LOL

  • SuperStrings

    “If you’re so hot on discipline , then start by accepting mine because, contrary to popular opinion, I’m the head n@gga in charge!” – Robert Guillaume

  • Amazonian Midget

    After baby daddy gives this “deep” speech in defense of Joe Clark, Karen Malina White shouts, “Mr. Clark don’t care about you because you don’t take care of your responsibilities!”

    “We don’t want a good principal, we want Mr. Clark!”

    Oh and when Mr. Clark pretty much called Kaneesha stupid for getting pregnant while she’s doing the ugly cry and he’s comforting her.

    You could really go on and on. This movie is great from start to finish.

  • candygirl

    The scene where Charmaine Tyesha Brown says”Mr. Clark , my momma don’t want me no more” is a real tear jerker.

  • justagirl
    Saw this yesterday and my heart smiled.

    • This whole time I thought that the short chubby dude was lip syncing in the movie. He can really sing,

    • MrsT

      That was AWESOME!

    • A. F.

      This made my entire year. Ricky Smiley: The internet thanks you for making this happen:).

    • Meridian

      You found it for me! o/

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