Lists, Theory & Essay

the first perfunctory race-specific entry

panama and i are both aware that the url we chose, verysmartbrothas.com, is about as nuance-less as a typical tyler perry movie title. we chose it because we figured it would be easy to remember, and also because we’re, ummmm, two very smart-ass brothas. duh. thing is, despite the “brothas” part and the fact that the majority of our regulars are black, neither of us have written anything race-specific yet. sh*t, if you look at our entry topics, this site could have been created by worldlywittywhitemen.com and nothing would be any different.

this is not an accident. i don’t know about p, but for me personally, entries written from a “man who happens to be black” instead of from a “black man” allows for a bit more creative freedom and overall resonance. at the same time, i’m not so naive as to think that my experience as a black man hasn’t uniquely influenced my perception of everything i’ve seen and done, it’s just that i feel like i bring more to the proverbial table from the “man who happens to be black” angle

with that being said, i’m still not planning on writing any race-specific entries (ie “a smart brothas perspective on interracial dating“), plus, the people over at racialicious have probably covered it better than i would, but if i ever decided to put the “black mans hat” on and write a smart brothas perspective on interracial dating, i’d want to bring a couple new points to the table, points such as…

1. it seems as if black women occasionally forget one very important factor when thinking about black men: the fact that we’re, ummm, men, and, for the most part, we’re more loyal to the man part than to the black part.

***don’t believe me? okay, lets do a little exercise. imagine that there’s a gun to you head, and the only thing stopping the trigger from being pulled is a choice you’re told to make: you must either change your gender or your race. (ie, a black woman would have to choose between either becoming a white woman or a black man) without even reading the comments, i bet the majority of black women will keep their race, while most black men will choose to keep their gender. ***

this is paramount in the interracial dating discussion for one reason: men are generally less discerning when it comes to sexual partners than women are, and, since black men are men, physical attractiveness and availability typically trump racial loyalty. this is true for all men, regardless of race. i date black women exclusively because black women are the bangingest women and i’m surrounded by them, but not solely because of any perceived loyalty. sorry.

2. i’ve never bought the claim that white women are less sexually inhibited than other races of women (either i live in a vacuum, or the people who make these statements have just never met any of the women i’ve dated, lol). in my opinion, the basis of this myth all comes down to one factor: ubiquity. easily outnumbering every other demographic group in this country, caucasian women are literally everywhere. you can’t leave the house without tripping over a white woman. sh*t, i think theres one baking a cake in my kitchen right now, and this reality skewers sexual perception.

for instance, lets say theres 5000 incoming freshman at a university. of those 5000, roughly 22-2500 of them will typically be white women, as opposed to maybe 200 sistas. now, lets assume that roughly 10 percent of these incoming freshman women are super freak nasties, willing to do any and everything to any and everybody. this means that while maybe 20 to 25 of the sistas are freaking off every night, as many as 250 freshman white women are budding porn stars, a number which outnumbers the entire black female freshman population, a fact which can easily lead to all types of misconceptions. its not that all white woman are snizzles, its just that theres so many white women that the number of snizzles by themselves outnumbers pretty much everyone else

3. to all the sisters who are deeply ambivalent about stepping out and trying “something old”, its really not that serious. if you’re lucky you’ll be on earth for approximately 80 years, and I’d hate for you to spend a good portion of that time sacrificing your own happiness for some romanticized technicolor loyalty.

do. you.

and don’t worry, you can bring him to the vsb.com barbecue too. we’ll even make him a plate.

i could continue, but this “black man’s hat” is heavy as hell. no wonder i keep it in on the shelf.

—the champ

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't.

  • http://lizburr.com Liz

    I love Black men.

    I like your math analogy. I forgot to look at it form that perspective, and you just might be right.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I love Black men.”

      we love you too

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I love Black men.”

      we love you too

    • As Is

      “I love Black men.”

      Indeed! There is something about those waves, that tight line-up, that beautiful, dark (or caramel-lol) skin under a new, white beater! Lawd!

      • http://www.myspace.com/donteacia Teacia

        Well!!(in my church voice)

      • http://www.myspace.com/donteacia Teacia

        Well!!(in my church voice)

      • http://www.dukesupbaby.blogspot.com Vitamin Be

        Tabernacle!

      • http://www.dukesupbaby.blogspot.com Vitamin Be

        Tabernacle!

      • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

        You better PREACH!!

      • http://liffy.blogspot.com Luvvie

        You better PREACH!!

    • As Is

      “I love Black men.”

      Indeed! There is something about those waves, that tight line-up, that beautiful, dark (or caramel-lol) skin under a new, white beater! Lawd!

  • http://lizburr.com Liz

    I love Black men.

    I like your math analogy. I forgot to look at it form that perspective, and you just might be right.

  • http://www.dukesupbaby.blogspot.com Vitamin Be

    I don’t think that white girls are freakier than us brown girls…they’re just more open with it. Take head for instance… a lot of people are under the impression that black women just started doing it. My 85 year old grandmother knocked that one out the park. “Sucking d*** ain’t nothing new, we just didn’t go telling everybody what went on in our bed.”

    • don giovanni

      while i agree with you on that, there are still some things that are more taboo in the black community than in the white community!! for instance, growing up in the midst of whites and blacks (straddled that fence with great care), i knew what the girls (black and white) were doing sexually and why they were doing it!! the white girls i knew had been told from an early age “don’t come home knocked up” so they did other things (oral, anal,etc.) in order to stay true to their upbringing and not disappoint their parents, where as we as blacks find it too taboo to discuss such things!! the black girls i knew had a problem with oral sex (i had a problem with anal sex), but had no problems with someone trying that all too perfect “pull-out” method when no condoms were available!! it seems no one knew about abstinence back then!! but it these things were nothing new, just no one ever talked about it!!

      • Miss Patterson

        you’re big on exclamation points, i forgot.

      • Miss Patterson

        you’re big on exclamation points, i forgot.

      • http://www.myspace.com/donteacia Teacia

        I guess my household and my friend’s would be the exception to the rule. We were virgins until well into our senior year and before I had sex I told my mother I was thinking about it and she quickly wisked me off to get on birth control.

        She ALWAYS talked about sex(her nasty ass…lol), she was/is a devout Baptist and although sex was supposed to be an ambiguous topic, it was discussed with great detail in our house. Maybe that upbringing has something to do with me embracing and being SUPER comfortable with my inner/outer freak.

        My friends shared the same values, we even had a club, “the V club” from the time we were in 8th grade until we all eventually gave in to peer pressure senior year.

      • http://www.myspace.com/donteacia Teacia

        I guess my household and my friend’s would be the exception to the rule. We were virgins until well into our senior year and before I had sex I told my mother I was thinking about it and she quickly wisked me off to get on birth control.

        She ALWAYS talked about sex(her nasty ass…lol), she was/is a devout Baptist and although sex was supposed to be an ambiguous topic, it was discussed with great detail in our house. Maybe that upbringing has something to do with me embracing and being SUPER comfortable with my inner/outer freak.

        My friends shared the same values, we even had a club, “the V club” from the time we were in 8th grade until we all eventually gave in to peer pressure senior year.

      • Monnie

        “My 85 year old grandmother knocked that one out the park. “Sucking d*** ain’t nothing new, we just didn’t go telling everybody what went on in our bed.””

        LOL!!

        I have an Great Aunt (70) that refused to let this man at church kiss her on the cheek saying “ain’t no telling what he has been eating…” then proceeded to go off on a rather explicit tangent. Old people rock.

      • Monnie

        “My 85 year old grandmother knocked that one out the park. “Sucking d*** ain’t nothing new, we just didn’t go telling everybody what went on in our bed.””

        LOL!!

        I have an Great Aunt (70) that refused to let this man at church kiss her on the cheek saying “ain’t no telling what he has been eating…” then proceeded to go off on a rather explicit tangent. Old people rock.

      • Fly…

        “My 85 year old grandmother knocked that one out the park. “Sucking d*** ain’t nothing new, we just didn’t go telling everybody what went on in our bed.””

        Tell your grandmother to hug herself. I have so much respect for a lady that knows how to be discreet. We need to go back to those days.

      • Fly…

        “My 85 year old grandmother knocked that one out the park. “Sucking d*** ain’t nothing new, we just didn’t go telling everybody what went on in our bed.””

        Tell your grandmother to hug herself. I have so much respect for a lady that knows how to be discreet. We need to go back to those days.

    • don giovanni

      while i agree with you on that, there are still some things that are more taboo in the black community than in the white community!! for instance, growing up in the midst of whites and blacks (straddled that fence with great care), i knew what the girls (black and white) were doing sexually and why they were doing it!! the white girls i knew had been told from an early age “don’t come home knocked up” so they did other things (oral, anal,etc.) in order to stay true to their upbringing and not disappoint their parents, where as we as blacks find it too taboo to discuss such things!! the black girls i knew had a problem with oral sex (i had a problem with anal sex), but had no problems with someone trying that all too perfect “pull-out” method when no condoms were available!! it seems no one knew about abstinence back then!! but it these things were nothing new, just no one ever talked about it!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “My 85 year old grandmother knocked that one out the park. “Sucking d*** ain’t nothing new, we just didn’t go telling everybody what went on in our bed.””

      okay, ummm, when can we meet your granny?

      • http://www.dukesupbaby.blogspot.com Vitamin Be

        I’m keeping my grandma far away from you, Champ.

      • http://www.dukesupbaby.blogspot.com Vitamin Be

        I’m keeping my grandma far away from you, Champ.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “My 85 year old grandmother knocked that one out the park. “Sucking d*** ain’t nothing new, we just didn’t go telling everybody what went on in our bed.””

      okay, ummm, when can we meet your granny?

  • http://www.dukesupbaby.blogspot.com Vitamin Be

    I don’t think that white girls are freakier than us brown girls…they’re just more open with it. Take head for instance… a lot of people are under the impression that black women just started doing it. My 85 year old grandmother knocked that one out the park. “Sucking d*** ain’t nothing new, we just didn’t go telling everybody what went on in our bed.”

  • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

    *tipping my “black man’s” hat to you*

    First, your exercise, I believe, is very much on point. I’d much rather be a white man as oppose to a black woman. I’m going to ask people this question throughout the course of the day (minus the gun to the head part) and see if it rings true.

    Secondly, I’ve never dated a white chick, but experience tells me that freaks definitely come in all shades and being less sexually inhibited is not just a “white thing”.

    Thirdly,
    “caucasian women are literally everywhere. you can’t leave the house without tripping over a white woman”
    When reading this, I caught a visual that has me cracking the fuck up right now!!

    • aja

      “i date black women exclusively because, to me, black women are the bangingest women…”

      *doin the cabbage patch @ that..lol*

      I’ve dated men out of my race and ur right.. men are men. They all act basically the same except for some cultural differences. But there is something very unique about the Black man that women of any race cannot resist. (and i hope its not the wang stereotype because that aint always true… lol) You can be compatable with anyone reguardless of race. It’s a preference if you want to date within your race or not.

      “Love is what u make it and with whom u make it with..it aint rocket science” … – that dood from Love Jones..

      that is so true..

    • aja

      “i date black women exclusively because, to me, black women are the bangingest women…”

      *doin the cabbage patch @ that..lol*

      I’ve dated men out of my race and ur right.. men are men. They all act basically the same except for some cultural differences. But there is something very unique about the Black man that women of any race cannot resist. (and i hope its not the wang stereotype because that aint always true… lol) You can be compatable with anyone reguardless of race. It’s a preference if you want to date within your race or not.

      “Love is what u make it and with whom u make it with..it aint rocket science” … – that dood from Love Jones..

      that is so true..

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Secondly, I’ve never dated a white chick, but experience tells me that freaks definitely come in all shades and being less sexually inhibited is not just a “white thing”.”

      **pews**

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Secondly, I’ve never dated a white chick, but experience tells me that freaks definitely come in all shades and being less sexually inhibited is not just a “white thing”.”

      **pews**

    • http://oget Treezy F. Baby

      I personally would actually choose to be a white woman rather than a black man. I remember having this discussion with a friend once…I asked her if you had to be another race besides being black what would you choose? I don’t recall her response but I know mine quite well. While, I LOVE being black and I would if I had the choice choose to be born black all over again, even with all the bullsh*t it comes with. We are some friggin’ gorgeous, talented, strong, redemptive people! But if I was forced to be anything but black: Latino, Asian, or other various such nationalities, creeds, colors in this country? I’d be white anything…man or woman. I figure why CHOOSE to be dealt the raw end of the deal in life if you don’t have to. If I can’t be black f*ck it, let’s see what the other half lives like for real…although knowing my luck…I’d be that white person with two teeth, some overalls, named Bertha or Billy Joe living in a trailer park in Kentucky somewhere. Sigh.

    • http://oget Treezy F. Baby

      I personally would actually choose to be a white woman rather than a black man. I remember having this discussion with a friend once…I asked her if you had to be another race besides being black what would you choose? I don’t recall her response but I know mine quite well. While, I LOVE being black and I would if I had the choice choose to be born black all over again, even with all the bullsh*t it comes with. We are some friggin’ gorgeous, talented, strong, redemptive people! But if I was forced to be anything but black: Latino, Asian, or other various such nationalities, creeds, colors in this country? I’d be white anything…man or woman. I figure why CHOOSE to be dealt the raw end of the deal in life if you don’t have to. If I can’t be black f*ck it, let’s see what the other half lives like for real…although knowing my luck…I’d be that white person with two teeth, some overalls, named Bertha or Billy Joe living in a trailer park in Kentucky somewhere. Sigh.

  • http://myspace.com/thomasforbes Monk

    *tipping my “black man’s” hat to you*

    First, your exercise, I believe, is very much on point. I’d much rather be a white man as oppose to a black woman. I’m going to ask people this question throughout the course of the day (minus the gun to the head part) and see if it rings true.

    Secondly, I’ve never dated a white chick, but experience tells me that freaks definitely come in all shades and being less sexually inhibited is not just a “white thing”.

    Thirdly,
    “caucasian women are literally everywhere. you can’t leave the house without tripping over a white woman”
    When reading this, I caught a visual that has me cracking the fuck up right now!!

  • bballmom

    Wow. Very insightful. And I agree with you on all points. uh, oh….

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “And I agree with you on all points. uh, oh….”

      lol…this isn’t a good thing?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “And I agree with you on all points. uh, oh….”

      lol…this isn’t a good thing?

  • bballmom

    Wow. Very insightful. And I agree with you on all points. uh, oh….

  • philly2dc

    I have an older cousin , that I grew up around who is currently dating a white woman. Hes a really cool guy, handsome, funny.He has many of the qualities black women go for he graduated college a few years back and he is doing pretty well. While I understand the figures that you(Champ) pointed out there are still at least 5 single black women in this city he could be dating. Having attended an HBCU, I cant say Im against interracial dating, but I prefer black on black dating.. When I asked him why he was dating her he said ” O, Im just havin fun” . So I guess the point I am making here is that black people especially the men dont date outside their race looking for serious relationships …They’re just “havin fun”…but Hey, what do i know ..

    • http://starkept.blogspot.com Suga&Spice

      Keep in mind that your cousin might have gotten accustomed to giving that canned ‘havin fun’ answer so he doesnt have to hear everyone’s opinion on his choices.

      If I have to listen to one more person(male or female) attempt to talk me out of dating outside of my race, I might catch a charge! And since I have never been the type of chick who explains herself to folks, I have canned the response ‘Just trying it out, ya never know.’

    • http://starkept.blogspot.com Suga&Spice

      Keep in mind that your cousin might have gotten accustomed to giving that canned ‘havin fun’ answer so he doesnt have to hear everyone’s opinion on his choices.

      If I have to listen to one more person(male or female) attempt to talk me out of dating outside of my race, I might catch a charge! And since I have never been the type of chick who explains herself to folks, I have canned the response ‘Just trying it out, ya never know.’

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “While I understand the figures that you(Champ) pointed out there are still at least 5 single black women in this city he could be dating. ”

      just five? thats it?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “While I understand the figures that you(Champ) pointed out there are still at least 5 single black women in this city he could be dating. ”

      just five? thats it?

    • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

      There are five black women he could be dating and 500 white ones. I’m not sure the black women win numbers wise.

    • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

      There are five black women he could be dating and 500 white ones. I’m not sure the black women win numbers wise.

    • genius khan

      thats what your cousin told you to escape the wrath of khan. what he said to you he probably would have and could have said about any woman you had a question about. …and that’s just one black man’s opinion.

      • JustasIam

        Being divorced myself, and back in the dating world Your doing good to find LOVE in the world no matter what color it comes from(heel its good to find like)!!!

      • JustasIam

        Being divorced myself, and back in the dating world Your doing good to find LOVE in the world no matter what color it comes from(heel its good to find like)!!!

    • genius khan

      thats what your cousin told you to escape the wrath of khan. what he said to you he probably would have and could have said about any woman you had a question about. …and that’s just one black man’s opinion.

    • bella

      no black men dont just date white woman for fun…
      they just cant seem to leave us alone and want a good woman to come home to drama free..

      this taboo subject can go on and on..nothing is ever going to change..people feel the way they feel because its their choice..we date interracially becasue it is our choice..let it go already..

      there are may reasons why black woman think black men date white woman. and there are so many different reasons why white men think we like black men or that white men think black men date us to get ahead..not

      people are going to think what they want..some are just not ready to handle the truth black woman and white men have so so many dam issues when it comes to nterracial dating..black woman think their men, lol, their men abandoned them, white men think we like balck man because of the size of their penis..lol.thats a joke..its a falisy no true at all;

      why can it just be

      i date interracially because i can..because i want to cause its my choice cause thats what i like

      period

    • bella

      no black men dont just date white woman for fun…
      they just cant seem to leave us alone and want a good woman to come home to drama free..

      this taboo subject can go on and on..nothing is ever going to change..people feel the way they feel because its their choice..we date interracially becasue it is our choice..let it go already..

      there are may reasons why black woman think black men date white woman. and there are so many different reasons why white men think we like black men or that white men think black men date us to get ahead..not

      people are going to think what they want..some are just not ready to handle the truth black woman and white men have so so many dam issues when it comes to nterracial dating..black woman think their men, lol, their men abandoned them, white men think we like balck man because of the size of their penis..lol.thats a joke..its a falisy no true at all;

      why can it just be

      i date interracially because i can..because i want to cause its my choice cause thats what i like

      period

  • philly2dc

    I have an older cousin , that I grew up around who is currently dating a white woman. Hes a really cool guy, handsome, funny.He has many of the qualities black women go for he graduated college a few years back and he is doing pretty well. While I understand the figures that you(Champ) pointed out there are still at least 5 single black women in this city he could be dating. Having attended an HBCU, I cant say Im against interracial dating, but I prefer black on black dating.. When I asked him why he was dating her he said ” O, Im just havin fun” . So I guess the point I am making here is that black people especially the men dont date outside their race looking for serious relationships …They’re just “havin fun”…but Hey, what do i know ..

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