Pop Culture

The First (And Last) Annual Wyclef Picture Caption Contest!

Earlier this week, a picture of a surprisingly buff and equally ashy Wyclef Jean celebrating his 43rd birthday hit the internet. Oiled up and straddling a Ducati, to say it seems like he’s having a midlife crisis would be like saying “That bra probably won’t fit Aretha.” (Btw, between Clef, Dr. Dre — who looks like he was messing around with some HGH one day and just said “F*ck it” and injected the entire “Detox” album in his scrotum too, and Busta Rhymes — who somehow morphed into a dieseler version of Tracy Morgan, what the hell is up with these middle aged rappers all of a sudden deciding to get all Ben Johnson?)

Anyway, in honor of Clef’s birthday suit, we’re going to have a contest. Whoever can think of the best caption for that pic will receive a PDF of “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night.”

How exactly will the best caption be decided? Well, I plan to use a completely unscientific, completely arbitrary, and completely whimsical judging process that incorporates which caption gets the best response in the comments, Panama and Liz’s feelings about it, and, well, whoever I just want to give the award to. It’s my contest and I can do what the f*ck I want to.

The winner will be announced at 3pm EST in the comments, Twitter, and Facebook.

Don’t get captured.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

***On behalf of everyone involved with VSB: The TV Pilot, I’d like to thank everyone for helping last week’s Five Dollar Friday be such a success. We managed to raise over $1,500! Although we’re pretty much half way to our goal, our campaign only has six days left. If you haven’t done so already, please visit our Indidgogo page. And, if you can support it, please do. Thanks again!***

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com and EBONY Magazine. And a founding editor for 1839. And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Anastasia!!!

    First of all, I gifted the book to THREE PEOPLE and I want my own copy. :-)

    I don’t have a witty caption!!! **sigh**

    But happy FRIDAY, people! Tis a great weekend in store!

    ¡Mucho Amor!

    • Anastasia!!!

      “Fugee nuh uh! It’s the natural grease when slaying Marleys!

      Fugee nuh uh! It’s the the natural ash that rejects vaseline!

      Fugee na na na na na nana nana naah. Greasy.”

      Either Lauryn sings this or Cassie Combs.

  • Demetrius

    i have the perfect caption for this “Someone Please Call 9-1-1”

    • msdebbs

      “Someone Please Call 9-1-1″

      • Britico Chick

        do u want me to spit out all over my computer in this office? pls, i don’t want to be rushed to hospital

    • Royale W. Cheese

      Aaaaah! Wha da ras a gwan! lol.

    • #murked

    • Addendum: Feel my BODY getting colllld.

      • Sweet GA Brown

        Dead. Came back to life. Died again.

        • Breezy


      • YeahSo

        Perfection Cheeks… I nominate you for best supporting caption.

    • Pseudonym

      I just SCREAMED with laughter!

    • YeahSo


    • Kekanu

      LMAO!!!! Winner!!!!

    • Djuobah

      WINNER!!! OMG, I am dying in my cubicle!

    • onyx lady

      “If this is the kind of ash that my mom used to warn me about…”

  • Savage

    “Just gotta go grab me some milk”

    “Clef for Prez”

  • naturalista88

    This Nyquil got me too f*cked up to think of a funny caption, so I’ll just come back later to see what ridiculous sh*t y’all have come up with.

  • Leslie

    i wish i could caption this….i just have no words at all….lol….

  • Cheech

    “Dear Lauryn, This is what you’re missing!”

  • NipseysKlub

    Did Old Spice decide to develop a limited edition Haitian scent and decided to use Clef as the spokesperson?

    • msdebbs

      I’m Haitian and this would be very believable because my dad uses old spice like it never went outta style.

  • iamnotakata

    Caption “nofilter” I wake up this way, you like my bike?

  • RuthlessWonder

    “Ready or not.Here I come.”

    • If you wrote “cum” instead of “come,” you’d be the early leader.

      • That coulda been epic.

      • Royale W. Cheese

        Ready or nut? heh heh.

      • RuthlessWonder

        Killed by my tablet’s auto correct.

      • Sweet GA Brown

        I think you should give a pass on this one. That had my ROTMFFLMMFAOACATSDT.

        • Third Of August

          ….And the winner for longest laughing acronym goes to….


  • Shauny

    Wyclef: I ran out of emu oil greasing my new muscles, I’ll be right back to finish this photo shoot for my birthday invitations.
    Camera Person: No shirt, no shoes, no service Clef!
    Wyclef: *blank look*

    • African Mami

      * TEARS*!!!

      This conversation is just killing me softly!!

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