Featured, Pop Culture

The Draylor (Drake And Taylor Swift) Dating Rumors, Explained

Who is Drake?

Drake is a walking, talking text message read receipt.

Who is Taylor Swift?

Taylor Swift is White.

Why are they in the news today?

They’re both very famous. Drake for crafting the soundtrack for feckless millennial fuckboys (like him) and somehow, through sheer force of personality and recent beardedness, convincing America that’s not exactly who he is and what he’s doing. And Taylor Swift for sprinkling her brand of intentionally obtuse privilege on our populace and pupils and public radio stations like powdered sugar on post-racial funnel cake.

Anyway, earlier today a rumor hit the Internet that these unfathomably famous Anthropologie co-workers might be dating each other.

Wait, isn’t Drake dating Rihanna? How are these rumors even a thing?

Drake is “dating” Rihanna the same way Jorah Mormont is dating Daenerys Targaryen. I’m sure there’s love there, but Rihanna would much rather burn huts and ride dragons. I’m 99% certain she saw “Drake and Taylor Swift” trending, smiled, said “Good for Aubrey,” and continued watching shark attacks on YouTube.

So what happens next?

I’m going to finish drinking this ginger ale sitting in front of me. And then I’m going to the gas station. Because my car needs gas. Maybe later I’ll get a slice of pizza and…

No, I meant what happens next with Taylor and Drake?

I’m 99% certain this rumor is not true. A percentage that’s only matched by how desperately I want it to be true. Can you imagine the glorious and ridiculous and angsty and overwrought tweets and status messages and thinkpieces that would generate? And not just articles and blogposts, but I can totally see them creating a joint album together and naming it Thinkpieces. Which would only be released on a GroupMe called “The Wind” where they’re the only two members.

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com and EBONY Magazine. And a founding editor for 1839. And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Other_guy13

    Yea…sooo…Drake gone stop dating Ri Ri for T-swift….http://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/vulture/2015/01/16/surejan.w529.h352.jpg

    • miss t-lee

      This is a downgrade like a muhfuh.

      • Tambra

        Musical chairs, at some point he will get it right.

        • Adrienne_in_MTown

          See, I thought he had it right with Serena. He was taking tennis lessons and everything.

          • Tambra

            That’s too much woman for him. Taytay may just be what he needs.

          • Mary Burrell

            I knew that wouldn’t work she’s too much for him she would crush him.

    • Glo

      I heard they broke up about two weeks ago anyway.

      • RhetoricalReverie

        Yup, just like last time he fudged it up.

    • Madame Zenobia

      I’m saying! VSBs of VSB talk to a VSS. In what world do you go from Rihanna to Taylor Swift? If you’ve been chexing RiRi or she’s been allowing you to entertain her time do you go to Taylor after that? Naw, you gotta move to another GOAT in their field a la Allyson Felix or an up-and-comer like Aja Naomi King. But you don’t go from the Dutty Winin to Cotton Eye Joe-ing, right? http://i.giphy.com/MzSX8qYrvjO9i.gif

  • Courtney Wheeler

    http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/11/Oh-My-God.gif

    It’s like Taylor Swift purposely wants to annoy me for the rest of my life.

  • Tambra

    Hallelujah a new post!

  • Tambra

    Why the Lord Friendzone shade? Jorah can be cured to that greyscale and then they will walk off into the sunset together. # relationshipgoals.

    • Brass Tacks

      Kalabresie? aint checkin for, Jorah. Like ever.

      Drake was able to put numbers on the board.

      Ya gotta respek it.

      • Tambra

        Do we really know he has been putting numbers or just fronting?

        • Brass Tacks

          He is. I would be a straight hater if I said Drake aint getting it. Drake is the biggest thing in Hip-Pop…

          Drakes track record is pretty well documented. Simping or not he’s getting it in heavy.

  • RaeNBow

    Taylor would make a better album off the breakup though

    • Janelle Doe

      hahaha, my thoughts exactly (I ‘m also lowkey curious about the song titles)

    • Madame Zenobia

      Would she? Or would it just be mediocre and White mainstram music critics would rave about it as if it were the better album?

  • Suddenly this pillow fight between Drake and Cudi sounds interesting

  • Cleojonz

    If this is really a thing I’m never listening to another Drake song again in life.

  • Me

    I feel like Taylor Swift keeps trying to infiltrate blackness with the most passive aggressive strategies known to White. How is it that I can know absolutely zero of her songs, yet her name keeps popping up in my space?

    • Junegirl627

      Passive aggressive strategies know to White- ???? dead??????????

    • Mary Burrell

      Shake It Off and Blank Space.

    • NonyaB?

      She’s just tryna keep up with Amy Sh*tmer and Lena Dumbham in that respect:Sh*t over Black culture/people/space in some way for the buzz.

    • pls

      You are absolutely right. This ho name been in my mouth far more than I’d like.

  • Glo

    While I would greatly prefer for this to not be true, if it is, I am going to have to acknowledge the fact that Taylor has much better game than I give her credit for.

  • Drake and Swift dating is like the oatmeal packet with no flavor or sugar or anything in it.

    • Tambra

      Harsh MM!

      • brothaskeeper

        He’s not wrong.

      • Mary Burrell

        And when they break up Taylor Swift will write a song about it. She does that with all the guys she breaks up with.

        • Tambra

          Well if she has a winning formula why mess with it?

        • theblacksauce

          Yeah, I also wonder if they date and then breakup after 0.580347580350138 seconds are is Drake finna come up with a diss track or maybe even a couple after Taylor writes her own little teenage white girl breakup song?

          • Melissa

            Marvin’s Rhode Island Beach House? I’m listening. Heck, he could just do an album called “Fix Your Implants, Please”. Add in the fact that she’s basically made from the stem cells in Drake’s waving YOU-YOU-YOU finger and we’re in business.

        • Mochasister

          That’s why I say no better for him. If he still dates this woman knowing that she treats her songwriting like a teenage girl treats her diary, then he deserves whatever happens.

          • JennyJazzhands

            But, isn’t he the exact same way?

        • Yay Radley

          This, THIS is why I so desperately want this rumor to be true. They are both at the head of their respective games with writing passive-aggressive post-breakup hate missives and disguising them as heartbreak anthems.

          Can you imagine the simpering drivel they will produce?! The pop charts will implode.

      • But where’s the lie?

        • Tambra

          None.

    • Mary Burrell

      I don’t know anything about Drake except that he has a song called Hot Line Bling that Obama dad dances to. And that he was the guy in the wheelchair on Degrassi High. He must be a boring guy Serena Williams and Rhianna dumped him.

      • Come through.

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      • Mochasister

        You forgot about him being b**** slapped (allegedly) by P.Diddy.

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    • DSim

      Or water

    • Yes.

    • And Activia.

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