i’m all f*cked up, and it’s all hollywoods fault.
you see, being raised on a steady diet of sh*t like the war of the roses, waiting to exhale, and fatal attraction led me to believe that all romantic break-ups were brutal bloodfeuds, replete with vicious insults, violent threats, hateful feelings, torn rabbits, microwaved weave, and white women.
this faulty expectation left me ill-equipped and unprepared for real life, where the vast majority of adult break-ups occur while both parties still have generally positive feelings towards each other, a fact that occasionally turns this simple process into a prolonged lesson in passive-aggressive bitchassedness.
because i suspect many of you suffer from this same deadly affliction, here’s the vsb do’s and dont’s of breaking up with someone you still actually like
don’t be scared to let them hate you
i made this mistake once, allowing the fact that i still cared about her prolong the break-up process. thing is, it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with the fact that i didn’t want her to hate me, a selfish thought process which is basically a sure-fire way to insure she’ll eventually hate you anyway, lol.
don’t double dip
because most grown women love keeping their “numbers” down more than crackheads love home depot, if you’ve had a somewhat cordial break-up, theres a chance you’ll be getting that late text, that “i’ll bring the latext, you just bring that great sex” text from her sometime in the next couple of months. you’ll have your reservations, but she’ll swear that she’ll be cool and that it’ll just be sex without any emotional attachment, and she’ll be lying her dimpled in the right light ass off.
unless you want to go through another six months of guilt-ridden “so…you can break my back but you can’t be with me???” texts, just try not to ever sleep with her again¹
do make sure that they’re the first to know
lets just say that its probably not the best idea to discuss your plans in a conference call with her mom and stepdad a week before you tell her.
don’t do any public executions
break-ups should be done as discreetly as possible, with you two as the only audience. with that being said, i’d stay away from secluded areas like the woods, the desert, or detroit just to quell any temptation of murdering you
don’t explain exactly why…unless they ask.
if so, do lie.
they say honesty is the best policy. “they” also told me that ann coulter has a vagina. basically, they are full of sh*t.
seriously, do you really think he needs to know you’re breaking up with him because you realized you’ll never have the type of sex that eddie the pharmacist had with nurse jackie?
do make up your damn mind
although a bit of ambivalance is expected, you’re not doing them any favors by visibly waffling, allowing them to sadly and unsucccesfully grasp at the ghost of relationship past. just adult up, spill the beans, request a quickie for the road, and say your final good-bye. i won’t lie and say that they’ll thank you for it later, but this isn’t about you, right?
i’m sure i’m missing a few. people of vsb.com, any additions?
¹this only applies to men. ladies, if you’ve broken up with us, please feel free to “degrade” us sexually as long as you like. we wont mind.
—the champ
That pretty much sums it up. My only addition…try to stay off their twitter and fb pages…lol.
@Jen,
Try to stay off = remove them/block them.
It would be extremely wise to do so…you know, for when you move on or something like that.
@thismayconcernyou,
yeah. that actually should have been an amendment to the double dipping part. its too difficult to ignore free post break-up booty, so just blocking the number is probably the best approach
@thismayconcernyou,
“Try to stay off = remove them/block them.”
Definitely. In fact, giving the growing simplicity of Peeping Tom-ing into their lives via the internets, I’d say this is probably the most important rule. If you want to avoid, the above must be done. Even before adding a “do not answer” to the phone. lol
@Jen, for who though? if you do the breaking up you’re supposed to remove yourself from their lives?
or for the person who just got dumped?
like if we’re to assume that you still like them, and you dumped them, then there’s no harm in checking out their status and what not. not going to hit might definitely be more difficult, but the fb/twitter stuff probably wouldn’t bother you at all.
unless of course you mean continuously commenting and writing, “LOL Smiley FAce” on their wall and poking them and sh*t. b/c yes that might be jacked up.
in fact, i’m guessing thats exactlywhat you meant which thereby nullifies my whole comment.
hello.
btw, wtf does “poke” mean anyway? as you can see, i dont do facebook for real.
@Panama Jackson,
“Poking them and sh*t” is not what I meant. But yes…that would be problematic.
I should have clarified. It doesn’t matter who dumps who. I guess for whoever isn’t over the break up. When emotions are still high and you’re not over a person yet, you don’t need to see the twitpics of your ex with new, “platonic” friends. You also don’t need to see that all the former bench players are now commenting on all your ex’s statuses and ish. It brings out a nasty, jealous streak in you that can prevent you and your ex from being friendly with each other….not that I would know.
And I still don’t really know what a poke is…I guess some form of flirting. People still do that? I haven’t been poked since like…07 maybe.
@Jen,
“You also don’t need to see that all the former bench players are now commenting on all your ex’s statuses”
That isht damn near gave me an aneurysm. All the hoes that acted like he was “a brother to him” when we were together, tryna befriend me all extra hard started goin hard for the 1! And to make matters worse, one of em looked mad good! She was a hood “model” and had like 6 inches on me! Tall slut!
*cries*
@Me fail english?,
lol, i can relate, and hahaha to this whole comment.
This is a subject near and dear to my heart. I’ve broken up with some pretty fly guys: handsome, smart, etc. etc. (I’ve also broken up with an arse hole) b/c, while they were cool as he!!, I felt a disconnect. I have a bad habit of dragging the break up out, to the point where they start talking marriage (with a few proposing) and then the break up gets ugly.
One thing I learned is that one should pull the trigger as soon as the other starts talking forever. If you haven’t even thought of forever with them, and they are already making plans for it, you should do them the favor and let them go to find someone who is on the same page.
@V.E.G.,
“near and dear to me”
meeeee toooo. Matter of fact. I’m not sure i’m removed enough from the sitch to actually wanna comment any more on this subject. lol i shall read quietly from now on.
@V.E.G.,
I have a bad habit of dragging the break up out, to the point where they start talking marriage (with a few proposing) and then the break up gets ugly
a few?
@The Champ,
“a few?”
Yes. As in three.
@V.E.G., See some people are turned off by a chick that got some stuff so good make a ni99a wanna propose. Im like sign me up for that stuff I can throw in the air and turn into “sunshine” (2 pts for the Harlem Nights reference)
@Blacklaw, can you actually give yourself 2 points for a reference? officially, doesn’t somebody else have to give you the points?
that’s like the dude from chappelle’s show who bigged himself up for what he thought was a dope rap line. lol.
either way, can we get a board to establish proper “point policy”?
@Panama,
“Oops. Pow. Surprise! OOOooooooHHhhhhhh!!”
@V.E.G.,
I actually heard that three proposals is the average number a woman receives in her lifetime. Which would conflict the whole myth of “ninjas don’t want to be married”.
Bond.
P.S. Back from Vegas. AYE! AYE!
@BlkBond, I dont know if one should count the “please baby, baby, please dont take your vagina panties away” marriage proposal, as a legit proposal.
@BlkBond,
I’ve never heard this before. I’d say the average woman would get asked at least once.
@V.E.G., One thing I learned is that one should pull the trigger as soon as the other starts talking forever.
that’s why you break up with them right after you hit for the first time. sets the tone for the relationship early.
@Panama Jackson,
“that’s why you break up with them right after you hit for the first time. sets the tone for the relationship early.”
wrong.
@V.E.G., but its wrong so right.
@Panama Jackson, WOW…well at least he is keep it 100% real…got to have standards…
If you are gonna break up…take all of your stuff with you when you leave so there will be no waiting to exhale
burningtype ish going on..@MizThickaDenThick,
i usually just cut my losses and leave everything. thing is, for me, everything is usually just sweatpants, drawers, and a half empty bottle of ky
@MizThickaDenThick, that’s why i never left nothing at chicks houses in the first place.
most of y’all got a little left eye lopes in y’all.
@MizThickaDenThick,
Boy, if this ain’t the truth. I watched an episode of MTV’s True Life last night that was about couples on the verge of divorce and WOW! One woman (she had to be the black woman showing her a$$) in this situation basically told her husband that she didn’t want to be with him anymore, but when he came to pick up his things she brought out the Clorox and poured it all over his clothes, was looking for a lighter to set them on fire, poured water into the back of the big screen T.V., called the police on him and told them “some man was in her house stealing her stuff and she was scared” and called her Daddy on him. The police told him he had to pick up what he could and leave! All of this in front of their KIDS!!!
I say, do like I do – wait until the other person goes to work or on vacation, get ALL your shyt and go. Leave nothing to chance!
@MizThickaDenThick, and one chick wonders why I don’t talk to her the same anymore.
Was totally interested at first, figuring we could crate, have some fun…hung out a couple of times. Then she told me she was back with her dude, so I left well enough alone (my policy is once the interest isn’t in me, we have nann to discuss, nothing platonic).
Probably a month passes and we speak. I ask her about the relationship…to make a long story short, she tells me that when they last broke up, she threw his clothes out in front of a place he was staying, then, and I quote, “the Mexicans got to it.”
Then she has the nerve to get mad about me having no interest in having conversations with her beyond curt small talk, let alone taking her out (because they’re done again due to him “cheating”). I ain’t the one for a chick who gets like that.
Not like my stuff’s gonna be over a female’s rest like that anyway, but still….
Ridiculous (and true) as usual.
sigh.
@Liz, I’m just mad that duke said “request a quickie for the road”….
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, LOL right? tho, i don’t think it’s such a bad idea? lolollll
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
lol, its the only time you can ask. you lose that ability once you walk out the door
@The Champ, truth. amazing how that booty window closes toyt like toyger as soon as you cross the threshold of the door.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
LOL, I know! The audacity of some folks…but, it’s genius.
And Liz, I feel ya about this being ridiculous yet true. I think that’s what I loathe (and maybe love) about Champ sometimes. He is utterly ridiculous and very true at the same time.
@Cheekie, that’s the same way i feel about brandy’s hairline.
@Panama Jackson,
LOL…see the above is what I loathe and love about YOU.
@Cheekie, LOL yup that’s the reason I keep the champ around lol.
@Liz,
Haha…that’s true. You do have the power to edit him out. lmao
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, its genius b/c it will either lighten the mood (and you get a quickie) or it will make sure that they might (actually she, only a chick would get mad at this) hate you thereby reducing the work you have to do afterwards to deflect their “but i still love you” advances.
its better if you ask for a quickie, they say no, and then you say, well will you at least yank my chain for posterity’s sake??
@Panama Jackson, equally ridiculous logic, but makes so much sense. sigh.
It took me a while to get better at the break up. I used to want to be really nice about it and ended up just stringing it out longer than necessary and generating ill-will.
Do the break up quick, easy and in person. I did a poll not so long ago on the worst break-up scenarios ever and the worst answers I got back seemed to involve elaborate schemes, Facebook declarations and post-it note/voicemail break ups. If you still care at all about the person, sit them down and cut the cord face to face.
Never go into lengthy detail about the whys and wherefores of the break up (it’s not you, it’s me nonsense). Just rip off the band-aid quickly and roll out.
No witnesses – don’t do it in front of friends or your new boo. No bueno.
Oh, last lesson learned- don’t pull the trigger if you don’t want to kill it. Post buckshot in the rear regret is never a good look. Kind of hard to resuscitate the dead. I once hit the eject button on a relationship in a fit of pique (younger stupider days) and realized I had done too much damage to ever put it back together.
@OneChele,
Oh, last lesson learned- don’t pull the trigger if you don’t want to kill it
good point and sh*t. sometimes the grass is greener because the other lawns are full of sh*t
@The Champ, sometimes the grass is greener because the other lawns are full of sh*t… this should be a t-shirt
@The Champ, good point and sh*t. sometimes the grass is greener because the other lawns are full of sh*t
You just made every girl in my office ‘luvs you’ because it’s so true! Sh*i does make grass amazingly fantastic lookin…I’ve been that sh*tty filled grass before and I had a load of it on me.
@OneChele, No witnesses – don’t do it in front of friends or your new boo. No bueno.
that’s why Lebron left the court without shaking hands.
that was a much better idea in my head than written out.
Don’t do it over text, or email, or using a post it note as seen on Sex and the City. Honestly though, a friend of mine had a guy dump her via text. They are both in their mid 20s and had been exclusively dating for a little over 8 months. He broke up with her with a three sentence text message, ‘Hey, *****. I don’t think this is working. It’s best if we just end it.’ LIKE SERIOUSLY!!! FHisL
@ofloveandotherdemons,
hm…i should have read before i posted….but in my defense (lol),the guy was a jerk and i thought he would change, and i was trying to be nice and take it and take it and take it, and one day, i got the fortitude to tell his a*s off….unfortunately, no fortitude was really required. because i did it via text. lol
@ofloveandotherdemons, you took the words out of my mouth – i was dumped via a long rambling email that i had to read three times to get the point. and then the panty meat refused to explain himself further.
@ofloveandotherdemons, you know, i actually don’t see anything wrong with breaking up wtih someone via text. people think you deserve to be broken up with face to face…on some face your accuser mess.
i disagree. if you’re breaking up with somebody, you should make it as painless for yourself as possible. hell, i think you should send a homing pigeon if you can.
the only wrinkle is is that whole “if you still like them”. but the problem there is that there’s really no way to soften the blow for them unless its a mutual decision, or even if they see it coming. there’s no prize for being a bigger person and it aint like they’re going to go to your next boo and big you up and be like, “at least he broke up with me face to face…thats integrity.”
naw, homing pigeons or morse code homey.
@Panama Jackson,
smoke signals?
@Panama Jackson,
semaphore?
@Panama Jackson,
talking drums even!
@Wanjiru,
Sign language. It’s universal.
@Cheekie,
But from all the comments, keep the Helen Keller type sign language to a minimum
@Panama Jackson,
apropos of homing pigeons… http://tinyurl.com/m8x8xy
Of course you wanna do breakups in places where your stuff is not gonna be. If you live together that does mean absconding with valuables in the night to non-disclosed location (yo mama house) and then commencing with breakup.
Side note: Only break up if you are sure this person is not for you. The grass is always greener on the other side…what I have learned is that there is no new and different there is just different and and new comeswith the added problem of not knowing the faults and gotten used to them. Try to work that ish out if you can. It is better that you know ol girl has a weird obsession with taking your stuff, cleaning and putting it back; than finding a new chick that just takes your stuff, no cleaning, just takes your stuff. Im jus sayin….bird in hand worth 2 in the bush (biggup to my grandmother)
@Blacklaw,
It is better that you know ol girl has a weird obsession with taking your stuff, cleaning and putting it back; than finding a new chick that just takes your stuff, no cleaning, just takes your stuff
LOL
@Blacklaw,
Good point. Although the working it out and not wanting to start over with a different set of problems is usually what keeps me in my rel’ships far longer than I should be.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave, i think general laziness usually kept me around longer than i need to be.
i just didn’t feel like going thru the emotions of breaking up. that sh*t can be draining and i already didnt get enough sleep.
@Blacklaw,
Really. . . I can go from having regular twosomes to threesomes? Goo thing I’m a bushman!
Don’t cut them off just because you think the grass is greener on the sangle side
unless some broads have been ready for quite a while. If you’re a relationship person and you’re perfectly happy and comfortable, guess what, you probably are better off. Maybe you need to get some married friends or something.Do cut them off if you just too strongly itch to do your thing with other skins, can’t stay faithful, etc. You don’t need to be booed up…go get it out your system while not obligated to someone.
Don’t you dare play “our song,” use the running shticks you and your S.O. had going, go places you would take your ex to, etc. You’re likely to get all verklempt about your ex and not really sort things out the right way or experiment the way you like.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Don’t you dare play “our song,”
do couples really have “songs”, or is this just something that occurs with the elderly and in meg ryan movies? asking because i’ve never had a “song”. maybe a scene from all dat ass, but never a song
@The Champ,
Yes. ‘Gypsy’ is ours.
@The Champ,
“do couples really have “songs”, or is this just something that occurs with the elderly and in meg ryan movies? ”
See?! This why our people ain’t gettin’ married! We don’t have songs for our future first dance*! We gotta have priorities, people!
*This is, currently, wholly inaccurate. Also known as a bold-faced lie. I’m carrying out a few studies at the moment.
@The Champ, i’ve never had a “song” either. though one chick swore we had a song. but that’s b/c she loved 112 and decided that some 112 song that i hated was our song.
we broke up, btw.
@Panama Jackson, having a 112 cut as “our song” is 112% gay.
A straight man has to keep any appreciation for any aspect of a 112 record absolutely to himself. He may as well trade in his Chevrolet for a Cabriolet.
Do NOT send him a text talking about some, “I’m over this relationship. Go f*** off somewhere.” He will talk about yo a*s like a dog.
@charli skipp, coming from experience?
@charli skipp,
“He will talk about yo a*s like a dog.”
Or he’ll just laugh it off and say “You don’t really mean that. You need some breakfast or smthg?”
*urge to kill rising*
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
“*urge to kill rising*”
lol @ the homer simpson reference
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
actually he immediately called and left a voicemail with the sad puppy voice asking, “um…..[voice cracking] i was just calling to um…..um…..see if you’re serious…”lol
@charli skipp,
per champ’s post, in still really liked him, though…
@charli skipp, “I’m over this relationship. Go f*** off somewhere.” He will talk about yo a*s like a dog.
i mean is that the breakup text? if so, then yeah. however, that sounds more like, “why won’t you leave me alone” in which case its more than appropriate.
@Panama Jackson,
you’re exactly right.
@charli skipp, this is true.
*heart singing @ Nurse Jackie reference*…and onto the commentary…
@Jen, co-sign and round of applause on the blocking of fb/twitter pages, tho they will most likely stalk you should you shut off all virtual communicado.
“don’t explain exactly why…unless they ask.
if so, do lie.”
I’ve gone back and forth on this, but ultimately I disagree. I recall one particular instance in which one gentleman caller was a crazy mofo who opted to magically appear in my exact location more often than not after I pulled the plug and decided not to express exactly why…yeah, he needed to know exactly why i’m hollerin (in public, no less) “nah pimp…DON’T TEXT ME/DON’T CALL ME NO MO”…lol
@abreezy27,
lol, yeah. if someone gets all crazy and sh*t, then you can let them know. sh*t, you can even make sh*t up. “you have two many letters in your last name, and i want my kids to be able to spell their own names properly before their 13th birthdays”
@abreezy27, “don’t explain exactly why…unless they ask.
if so, do lie.”
yeah, i agree with you. i think you do need to let people know why you break up with them. do not underestimate the insanity that comes with a bereft party’s lack of closure. closure goes a long way in getting rid of exes. its the ones who dont get that closure who constantly want to know why…and they will find a way to stay around and continuously send you facebook messages asking to be added so they can see your pics and continuously ask what happened, even though its been at least a full decade since i even wanted to remember you were alive.
um…that last long sentence was about my friend.
also, when breaking up you should tell him that he’s still a good friend – even if u werent friends with him to start with…
‘don’t explain exactly why…unless they ask.
if so, do lie. ‘
No guy can lie to meeeee.
Mutual break-ups are the easiest though.
‘but she’ll swear that she’ll be cool and that it’ll just be sex without any emotional attachment, and she’ll be lying her dimpled in the right light ass off.’
Well if the sex was on point, that might be one part of the relationship worth saving… for me it won’t be that I’m emotionally attached to the guy… just to what he brings to the table before another guy comes on the scene…
but that said, i’m gonna haaaate any guy that breaks up with me… even for the simple reason that i didn’t get there first, and that i will have to tell everyone that he broke up with me, knowing that he wanted to break up with me for sooo long. especially if i reaaallly like the guy, i will standardly cut off any mutual links we have… the only time a guy should break up with a girl (like me) is when she cheats… otherwise, just sit me down, talk to me… and we can usually work through it….?
@Ramona,
also, when breaking up you should tell him that he’s still a good friend – even if u werent friends with him to start with…
lol, this is actually the single worst thing to do
@The Champ, word. dont have no dude hangin around thinking you value his friendship when you would like nothing better than to run away from his arse. Cut that dude loose swiftly like ripping off a bandaid
@Blacklaw,
I agree completely. I have a dude from three years ago, never committed to, never slept with who showed up at the airport last week UNSOLICITED to pick me up. I was coming back from vacay with my boyfriend. He left his girlfriend and drove almost an hour to come get me. And dont you know this fool had the nerve to get mad at me???
Thats what a “friend” will get ya.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
edit: I meant my boyfriend was picking me up and this fool was circling the terminal talmbout “which gate you came out of?” Huh?
@The Champ, @Blacklaw
well i find it easier to stay friends with my ex’s… you can’t just cut a guy loose that you’ve spent a big part of your life with … things cant just changeee in secondss…especially if i was in love with him before the breakup… and telling him that we can still be friends means that the door is still open… less hostility and heartbreak.
emotions are involved and sh*t… thats why its best to have a mutual break up lol, or just stay with the guy until it kinda fizzles out…
@The Champ, that’s shonuff a right one. men are some perseverent type people. you give somebody a lifeline. they’re gonna take it.
read: they wont go away.
Those breakup lies are so horrible. The “its not you, its me” speech; the “I just don’t have time for a relationship”; “I like you better as a friend”. Oh my goodness, the list just goes on and on. And the worse thing about it is that both sides know that its a lie, but neither side wants to delve into the real question of why we’re breaking up. Then what winds up happening is that she talks to one of your boys and hears through the cracks that yal broke up cause she wouldn’t do ____ or cause she talks too much or whateva the real reason was and then you’ve gotta deal with the real her and the whole side you was tryin to avoid in the first place.
@afterthought,
you’ve gotta deal with the real her and the whole side you was tryin to avoid in the first place.
lol, no you don’t. you break up so that you dont have to deal with sh*t
@The Champ,
Well, I guess that depends on how she handles it. I feel like the break-up lies are always the way to go, but make sure you tell a good one (or a partial truth) cause if you tell one of the ones I mentioned, then she’ll go investigating and asking questions or maybe hit you with one of those conversations 6 months later like “I know what really happened, but…”.
And what gets me is that women seem so much better at these breakup lies than men. Its like they couldn’t care less about our feelings, while we try to spare theirs.
@afterthought, Then what winds up happening is that she talks to one of your boys and hears through the cracks that yal broke up cause she wouldn’t do ____ or cause she talks too much or whateva the real reason was and then you’ve gotta deal with the real her and the whole side you was tryin to avoid in the first place.
that’s why i only dated chicks to of town and went to see them. location and information control.
The double dipping one is the truth! Sex after break ups is so delicate and should never be done…. NEVER – One person always loses out.
Additions:
1. Don’t get mad when you find out she/ he is dating (re: Don’t ask questions that you really aren’t ready for the answer for).
@Nicki Sunshine,
“Don’t get mad when you find out she/ he is dating (re: Don’t ask questions that you really aren’t ready for the answer for).”
This is gospel. I’ve had exes (in my younger years but I’m sure this still happens amongst all age groups) who have inquired about how my “new” girl look..on some ol’ “does she look better than me” type shyt. Do you REALLY wanna know the answer to that? Really? If they don’t ask directly, they’d even go through the lengths of asking mutual friends and associates.
Why?
@Monk, cuz breakups cause ppl to be gluttons for punishment. You dont want to know if next ni99a is better, bigger, last longer, smarter, cuter, making more money, has good credit, fresh breath….none of that
@Blacklaw,
“has good credit, fresh breath”
HAHAHA!
Sidenote: I was just reading a blog about some girl talkin about how she found she got upgraded on. That’s gotta suck. I NEVER wanna know that info.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave, Exactly!!! That’s why I never ask!!! Ignorance shole is BLISS.
Might I add, I never ask if single… if I’m boo’d up, it doesn’t sting. lol
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
Really, what blog was this?
@Phoenix,
Dont even remember. I was scrolling thru a ton cuz my flight got delayed last week. Womp my life!
@Monk, WOW… wtf would they want to ask a question like that for? What do they expect you to say- no? I agree with blacklaw- gluttons for punishment.
@Nicki Sunshine,
1. Don’t get mad when you find out she/ he is dating (re: Don’t ask questions that you really aren’t ready for the answer for).
even if they’re dating your mom?
@The Champ, LMAO.. that betta not eva’ happen. See you on Maury.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“LMAO.. that betta not eva’ happen. See you on Maury.”
Naw, see you on Jerry Springer. I wanna be able to fight that ninja with limited interruption. Preferably to ol’ dude’s sound effect machine. Ding, ding, ding!
@Cheekie, YESSSS! lol… I need all the body guards to stay the effe back.
@Cheekie, hell, it can be on both…they’re taped at the exact same studios now.
@Nicki Sunshine, The double dipping one is the truth! Sex after break ups is so delicate and should never be done…. NEVER – One person always loses out.
two words: threesome.
@Panama Jackson, LMAO. EWWWWWW.
I recommend having someone on call that can take your crazy freshly broken-up mind off your ex so you don’ t go drunk dialing, drunk texting, showin up at the job etc…..note if you decide to date said other someone down the road, keep in mind that it is still a rebound relationship
@Blacklaw,
Aah, rebound relationships. Yeah, those can come in handy. But they still don’t prevent that drunk dialing. I’d recommend either deleting her number from your phone (nobody remembers phone numbers any more) or at least putting something like ZZZZZ in front of her name in your phone so that you don’t see it when you’re bored and scrolling through your phone numbers looking for somebody to call.
@afterthought,
Yes, I agree with the ZZZZZ. I’ve deleted dudes numbers before. The problem is, if they keep calling you and the number starts popping up it gets burned into your brain.
DAMN THAT MR. BIG!!!!
I personally have three guys named “Don’t Answer” in my phone book and two “Stalker”‘s. It keeps the number off my screen and tickles my mom and girlfriends.
@Me fail english?, the runaway slave,
LOL! I thought I was the only person that did that…. Except, I don’t reprogram as “DONT ANSWER”… I reprogram mine as “HELL NO!”
@Lanieanna,
LOL! I need to try that next.
@Me fail english?,
And if you want to go the extra mile, you can always add a picture ID of something repulsive so you can have a visual of why you had better not answer that call!
@Lanieanna,
I also recommend getting creative with your phone entries outside of Do Not Answer (for the ladies):
Possible entries:
I Said Hellll Naw (variation of Lanieanna’s because it’s such a good one)
Vienna Sausage
His Mama’s Man
America’s Most Wanted-prone
Chris Brown
Tightie Whities
Skinny Jeans Emo (the ones where the pants are so tight he can’t even fart…lol, that ish still cracks me up…my high school friend said that about some alcoholic ninja that used to roam my block with tight-arse pants)
@Lanieanna & Cheekie,
Yall are killing me here. If I saw “Chris Brown” pop up on sum1′s phone I’d just faint from laughter.
Oh, and a picture of his easter sweater and bowtie would put me under.
@Cheekie,
DEAD @ ALL THAT ISH!!! Pwahahahahahahah! Girl, you made me choke on my tea!
His Mama’s man! HA! Chris Brown! Ha-HA!
How about…
Coupon Cutter ( for the cheap azz dude)
Hoopty (for the dude with the clunker)
Eddie Kane (nights like this…. Ah-ha wish… Rain drops would fa-a-a-a-allll) a.k.a. the drinker.
I just found something new to do today on my lunch break!
@me fail,
LMFAO @ Chris Breezy’s “easter sweater”. He will forever be known in that get-up. It’s like the Thriller jacket except it is a massive fashion fail.
@Lanianna,
HAHAHAHA @ Hoopty.
I seriously love the idea of creative phone entries. Especially if ol’ dude brings you nothing but grief, he can at least bring you ONE smile when he calls you and you see your brilliantly hilarious entry.
@the girls, why not just tell these dudes to go pound sand and put ‘em out of their misery?
@Stuff,
Some men are harder to get rid of than others. I used to tell dudes point-blank I wasnt interested in friendship with them, but even picking up the phone to say THAT keeps the lines of communication open. So I tried not picking up or replying to msgs at all. So far it makes the msgs less frequent but doesn’t get dudes to kick rocks altogether.
I’ve lamented on Twitter all summer, the lack of proud men who get insulted, get pissed and then drop your ass like a bad habit. I was debating whether I should post this one dude’s number who wont leave me alone somewhere on the internet and letting mayhem ensue. But then I punked out.
@SGPL,
me fail is right in that some ninjas are hard to get rid of. There is no “keeping it moving” if they keep following behind you. Thus, the blessing of phone entries.
My own mama is goin through this mess right now and HE broke up with HER. She can’t get rid of him. And he’s in his forties.
@afterthought,
nobody remembers phone numbers any more
I’ve gotten enough “who is this?” responses to texts to amen this. And I’m not even Christian.
What is this “Break up with people you actually like?”. Are adults really doing this?
You end it if it does not work or if you do not want to work at it. After my relationship from undergrad, I decided that in all future relationships, I would severe ties completely, otherwise it simply drags out and becomes more tumultuous.
Bond. BlkBond.
@BlkBond, Strong believer in the severing of allllllllll ties. And I would appreciate it (not really an option) if my current PYT cuts all ties as well. Co-sign
@BlkBond, some folk feel as tho you can still be friends, but thats always tricky and messy unless you are a sadomasochist(sp) and just like pain, giving and receiving it LOL..you can still be cool with people but I find a clean break is often the best policy.
@BlkBond,
“What is this “Break up with people you actually like?”. Are adults really doing this?”
I think it has to do with extenuating circustances outside their personality. Like, say, geography for instance. And it may be because you were friends first. Then again, there are some folks that believe that once intimacy has entered the picture, the friendship is thusly doomed. Whatever boats your float.
@BlkBond, i’m with you homey. i usually dont want to talk to my exes after i break up with them. hell, its probably talking to them taht caused us to breakup in the first place.
@BlkBond,
“What is this “Break up with people you actually like?”. Are adults really doing this”
lol, i alluded to it in the first paragraph, but most adult break-ups arent all fire and brimstone and sh*t. sometimes you still actually like the person, but you just dont want to be in a romantic relationship with them any more. sh*t happens and sh*t
@The Champ and BlkBond, I clap to both of y’all’s sentiments. Seems juvenile on paper, but it’s often the right thing to do.
Don’t apply the jedi mind trick, in other words, don’t act like a complete douche bag until they break up with you to save yourself the guilt of ending it. This prolongs it, brings feelings of “hate” into the mix, and opens the door of karma to possibly swing your way.
A good rule is to break up with someone in the way you would want to be broken up with.
@Monk,
Man I’m learning if you still like em use that to your advantage. You still like em so tell em to find someone who appreciates what you don’t and part like two fingers, “deuce here baby!”
@Monk, A good rule is to break up with someone in the way you would want to be broken up with.
this is a great suggestion and works perfectly in an emotion-neutral world.
@Panama Jackson, yeah, you absolutely can’t control how they might react.
That was the timeliest ish ever…lol. Just had a situation like that last night. Breaking up on good terms puts one in a weird plane
@Bob, we talking like a Wright brothers plane or like a different spatial plane…like the 4th dimension?
but i do agree. its like, did we really just break up and we’re both smiling?
makes you wonder if you actually broke up properly, doesn’t it? or if the message really got across.
Also, don’t try to be their friend right after the break up. Give it some time. You can still be cool in a “holla at ya every now and then to see how’s life” type of way, but the calling, texting, seeing each other (although this should probably not happen at all or only under extreme circumstances), emailing, and such needs to hault before you resume a regular friendship with the person.
@Monk,
This is The Truth! May I also add that this is why friends and family were invented? People to listen to “Nothing compares to you” (on repeat) . It’s also reason # 3433878348634 to hold on to your friends (other than the obvious) as really friendship takes effort dam.mit! I ain’t willing to invest that level of effort towards an ex. Cordial, cool? Yes. Indifferent- now that’s what I’m talking about. Catching up on FB/ text/ IM to commiserate on job loss? Still invested and still tied up in his/her life. Moveondotcom is a good look.
@Wanjiru,
Thank you! I got better isht to do with my life than keep looking up Pookie an ‘em to figure out what’s goin’s on in they life. And these ninjas was barely callin they mamas when we were together, much less asking about my day at work. All of a sudden after the break up they wanna hear all bout my day, thrice a week? Negro, please.
FORWARD MARCH!
@Monk, You can still be cool in a “holla at ya every now and then to see how’s life”
wondering the consensus on this b/c i’ve heard that many women do not actually understand why dudes stay in touch. they’re always like…”why he calling me?”
i’ve heard chicks on this site echo that same sentiment. i think most women believe that every time we contact them, there is an agenda of some sort.
Don’t break up to make up! Be firm and mean it, no flip flopping, don’t be swayed by the pleasebabypleasei’lldobetteripromise…if you were doing better we wouldn’t be breaking up..duh!
Be firm but don’t be an @ss especially if you’re breaking up because y’all just don’t suit.
@Smiley Face, Be firm but don’t be an @ss
that was the original name of the hip-hop group “nice & smooth” until trigger tha gambla told them that it sucked.
@Panama Jackson, Trigga the Gambler knew Nice & Smooth back in the 80s?
good list. i’ve been guilty of the double dip a couple time. what can i say? the flesh is weak. but i swear it’s not worth the hassle in the long run. if a woman says she just wants to have sex with no emotional attachment, its a lie (considering you already have some type or prior relationship).
@Tunde, if a woman says she just wants to have sex with no emotional attachment, its a lie
for some reason, despite history proving it to be a lie time and time again, and civilizations falling and the whole bill clinton “thing”, men refuse to accept this as fact.
its truly baffling.
@Panama Jackson,
Some women hide it better than others. Like my roommate in college used to proudly declare to anyone within earshot “[She] think[s] just like a dude”, meaning she was capable of having sexual attachments without forming emotional ones. To her credit, I’ve seen it actually work. She’d sleep with a dude and he’d be the one to get open. However, it usually only happened with the lamest of lames. Ya know, the guys most chicks would be embarassed to say they took his calls. If the guy was halfway decent I could tell she was getting her feelings hurt.
The men kept it going cause she concealed her hurt well enough for them to not feel THAT bad. “Eh, if she’s gonna keep up the tough facade, they may as well play along” (Me Fail’s note: I don’t think that’s right, but I assume that’s what they were thinking) …although I’m sure they knew deep down she’d caught at least a little feelings.
@Me fail english?,
these women kill me. If they maintained this thought process naturally, wouldn’t it go without saying?
Bond.
@BlkBond,
My roommate in particular was one of those ppl that just never liked to admit to “losing”. So any small “victory” was a promise to turn the whole thing around. Think: gambling addict $7,000 in the hole but sticks around cuz he just “won” back $200. She wanted to be able to say she slayed the beast (don’t most people, in some respect?).
Any small bit of interest, a mere text, an invitation to a nice dinner and she’s thinking “Look who has the upper hand now!” *insert maniacal laughter*.
But yeah, it all begs the question: if that’s how dudes think, shouldnt it follow that none of these men have feelings for you???
@Panama Jackson, i’ve personally fallen victim to that trap plenty of times.
there’s this ne-yo song that describes this situation perfectly. it’s called “don’t fall in love”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AH7SfPS8CJM
You know what… for me, it has always worked to lie, and blame yourself. For the most part, usually there is a specific reason why a person wants to break up with their partner, and that reason, is usually something that your partner either can’t or not be willing to change. It is either something physical, or part of their character. They may be too possesive, too jealous, too broke
, too ignorant, not sexual enuff, not affectionate enuff, not endowed enuff 
, ….. the list can go on. Here’s how i would do it
Example:
First of all.. All breaking up needs to be done on a Thursday evening.. It minimizes the chance of that person doing something crazy. More than likely, the other person has to go to work the next day, so it minimizes the chance of them doing something crazy in the middle of the night, and they get a day to think about it. You are also doing them a favor, because breaking up n a Thursday gives the other person a chance to have the weekend to self medicate!
me: Hey! how ya doin?
*click*_____________________________________
him: I’m good hunni, what’s up?
me: well, I have been thinking about the progress of this relationship, and I don’t think its going anywhere
him: what do you mean?
me: well, I feel really bad that I don’t put in the time or the effort to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.. You are a wonderful man, but I believe you deserve a woman who can really appreciate everything you bring to the table.. your fine, sexy, smart, funny, and I feel like your potential is limited, and your time is being wasted being with me. I have had a blast, I’m just not good enuff for you. You deserve a dime, and I’m just an 8.5…… Call me if you need me
him: hello?………. hello?………… hello?
No hard feelings, and no bridges burned!
Oh, and for the ladies…… when you have no other options… just tell him his d**k is too big!
Sorry about the repitition in the first post! Today is my Monday.
@Lanieanna,
LOL!! that’s cold… see, you gotta watch’em…
Bond.
@Lanieanna, All breaking up needs to be done on a Thursday evening.. It minimizes the chance of that person doing something crazy. More than likely, the other person has to go to work the next day, so it minimizes the chance of them doing something crazy in the middle of the night, and they get a day to think about it.
you must live in a world where people don’t have sick days.
@Panama Jackson, that world is called America, where cats in our demographic are strugglin’….I’m sure there’s no AIG execs posting here.
LMBO!!!! This is SUCH perfect timing. Hewhoshallhavnoname and I broke each and every one of these cardinal rules so it’s probably safe to say we’ll hate one another for life. Thanks Champ! Your honest truth never fails!
I’m SO sure that the next time I’ll take the adult route and skip the shinanigians: Thanks for the great time. This ain’t working. Peace!
And ditto to everyone who suggeted cutting all ties- at least in the beginning. If not, it makes for SUCH a mess! UGH!……..Happy Breakups!!!!
….
@Daydreamer,
Thanks Champ! Your honest truth never fails!
if i had a dollar…
I just thought about it and I’ve never had a reason to lie about a break up. All my boyfriends knew exactly why I wanted out. If you’re communicating honestly and often enough with your partner about what it is they can never be blind-sided, duped, etc. I think that honesty is why none of my exes ever really leave me for good. Honest ppl who know you well and care about you are plain rare.
@Me fail english?, I agree here, I’m not an advocate of lying esp to folk you are suppose to care about ….thats the cowards way IMO. I find honesty works best tempered with love…even when you have to say goodbye.
@Me fail english?,
No one should have to lie, but the problem with having ex’s that NEVER GO AWAY, even if it is just a mutual friendship, is when you make the decision to explore another relationship, you have to explain to your new BF, why all of your X’s are so comfortable with you. Even if you are being honest about it, this may make your new partner feel uncomfortable. I would not say that it would cause a huge issue with me, but I don’t think I would be 100% comfortable with my man having connected plutonic relationships with all of his X’s.
@Lanieanna,
I hear what you’re saying. I could see how this turns into a MAJOR issue.
I think the reason I’ve never had a problem with the new guy getting used to old guys calling is cause Im generally aloof to it all. Most of the time they call I dont pick up and when I do I dont flirt or giggle. I talk to my exes like I would my lil brother. The plus is I dont call, text, IM, tweet, smoke signal none of em at all. I just dont get along with men like that to be making “friends” and shet. My new boyfriend knows I’m so reluctantly friendly to ANY man I don’t call “baby” or “Pops” that it doesnt make a huge difference.
cont’d
Haha. Sorry, I aint mean to click that all quick.
But it helps not to act like a naive arse when the new guy starts asking “Who is he and what is he to you?” (c) Me’shell. I think one of the reasons my bf loves me is cuz of my honesty and the fact that I got my head on straight. My bf knows I dont say silly isht like “We’re just really close friends now. Why r u so jealous?” as if my head is in the clouds.
I’m an attractive, cool chick. He’s always gonna have “competition” looming. As long as I stay smart and keep my wits about me I wont even put myself in a situation to get in trouble. He’s just gotta trust you.
@Me fail english?,
Just one of the very many DOWNFALLS of being a cool-azz-chikk. Good for you, life has definitly sent rational men your way…. Me on the other hand…. Well, I live in New Orleans *crickets*________________
I sell franchises for a living… There are nothing but men around… Men wanting to purchase a franchise, male executives above me, male executives I am responsable for.. the closest female I have to me, as far as position is concerned, is all the way in Miami. Feeding a man’s ego WORKS!!! It is not so much WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. I think I have a special talent for delivering bad news in a spirited fashion.
@Me fail english?, naw homey. lies are the foundation for which this country and every solid relationship was built upon.
@Panama Jackson,
Between not being a good liar and just thinking (at least, by time the breakup rolls around) “this ninja aint even worth the lie”, I cant help it.
Plus, I have a pretty thorough screening process so if I find some isht later on I dont like about you (lack of ambition, pettiness, etc.) I WILL share with the group!
@Me fail english?,
Tell ‘em, ED!
@Me fail english?, have you ever been the one that got cut off?
You, Champers, always have these profound statements that leave me wondering like Jadakiss, “Why”:
“because most grown women love keeping their “numbers” down more than crackheads love home depot”
Do tell. Why do crackheads love Home Depot? Are they attracted to the smell of wood chips in the morning? Are they enraptured by the ceiling fan display? Do they like to browse color palettes for their crack den? I recommend burnt sienna for those cracked walls, by the way. Goes well with the puff o’ smoke. But, I digress, wholeheartedly. What do they like about it?
“don’t explain exactly why…unless they ask.
if so, do lie. ”
I agree with this. We’re adults, and as adults, we have to sugarcoat ish. White lies, as you will. Don’t divulge everything. Keep some details to yourself. Like, I always say (somewhat tongue-and-cheekly), witholding the truth ain’t lying. You actually have to speak to lie. lol We know what happens when you tell the truth all the time. You end up in a courtroom mollywhopping yourself a la the climax of the film, “Liar, Liar”. No one wants that.
“do make up your damn mind”
From the crypt of Transylvania, John Kerry nods enthusiastically. He knows better than everyone the consequences of being labeled a flip-flopper.
@Cheekie, I strongly disagree, omission of the whole truth that would esp effect other people, is lying…ask the DL dude.
@OrangeStar616,
Yeah, that’s why I said it somewhat tongue-and-cheekly. There are exceptions. But I’m being technical with semantics (and annoyingly difficult). To lie is to actually SAY something. Not saying something is omitting the truth. Doesn’t matter the label to me, both are wrong. Folks just like the harshness of the word “lie” more. I, however, think both are just as bad. I’m not lessoning the degree of hurtfulness by saying it.
Besides, with the DL dude, everything he DOES say to you, such as “You look good baby” is a lie. lol
@Cheekie, LOL, naw the bi dude can still very much desire and be attracted to women honestly, LOL, despite his appetites or whateva for men, hence the danger in omitting the whole truth in this particular scenario…..thats the thing about deception, sometimes it has many layers…..
@OrangeStar616,
HAHA, true. And yeah, I agree, deception has many, many layers. The whole, “omitting the truth is not a lie, you have to speak to lie” thing is just a tongue-in-cheek joke of mine…being technical. A lie is a statement according to the dictionary. lol
It’s just a look into how people view words/phrases. When I say that, though, people think I’m lessening the degree. I’m not, though. As if saying “omitting the truth” is less wrong than simply “lying”…because it’s not. They’re BOTH and equally wrong. It’s just semantics.
@Cheekie, What do they like about it?What do they like about it?
CHEEKIE!! They like Home Depot cuz they get work there!! They will load ur drywall on your car for $5.00 or build ur whole deck for $100.00 if they are skilled. I don’t always recommend addict labor for big jobs cuz it can just get ugly… but that’s why they be at home depot
@pgh muse,
“I don’t always recommend addict labor for big jobs cuz it can just get ugly… ”
Or they just walk off without finishing yo ish! My auntie’s fence isnt just gonna re-anchor itself!
@Me fail english?, Exactly. Never eva eva eva eva eva pay them dudes up front. u pay them in INSTALLMENTS!
u ever try taking a crackhead to the magistrate? LMAO…
@pgh muse,
Dayum, I didn’t even think of that. Out of all the possibilities I thought of (see above)…working didn’t come to mind once. Then again…I rarely use “work” and crackheads in the same sentence (except just now).
Great point, though. And so true.
@Cheekie,
people with addictions (crackheads) gotta eat too 
and pay for crack.
@pgh muse,
They eat?
No, lol, lemme stop. ‘Tis true.
“you realized you’ll never have the type of sex that eddie the pharmacist had with nurse jackie?”
Nurse Jackie is gangstah!! I LOVE THAT SHOW!!!
My only additions to the list….DO MAKE A CLEAN BREAK! Even if you arent having sex I think sometimes you feel guilted into doing some of the same relationship sh*t. Just go your seperate ways…no more wake up calls, changing of tires, good morning texts..none of that.
DOI set rules/boundaries for your family. I was in a relationship where his ex was really close to his family (I will admit that they are good people!!). When we started dating she was still hanging around. One day I went up to his mom’s room to say hello & his ex was sprawled across his mom’s bed taking a nap! After we broke up I made an effort to stay connected to his family but set limits so that I wouldnt make his new girlfriend uneasy.
@Yaa,
One day I went up to his mom’s room to say hello & his ex was sprawled across his mom’s bed taking a nap!
sounds like the first scene in one of zane’s sex chronicles
Realest Break-up Lines Ever:
1. You got lucky. You caught me at a time when I was willing to settle. But like Drake said… my reality just set in.
2. You’re a 7.5 on a scale of 1-10. You’re smart. You’re ambitious. You have a good job, and a lot of good things going for yourself. The chex is even good, ya know? But I think I can get at least an 8.
3. I’m just not that into you.
4. Honestly, I’m selfish and I just want to sleep with as many women as possible.
5. Come on! It’s college! Who gets serious in college?
6. Rap music has poisoned my outlook on life. After countless hourse of listening to Wayne & Drake, I now live by the mantra, “Money over b*****s.” And you, sweetheart, aren’t money.
7. I just feel like I can do better.
8. I used to have a jumpoff who got it in like her name was Pinky Cashmere Lane. Whew! Now you’re good, but I wish you got it in like that. The crazy part about it is I would look at you differently afterward. Guess you can’t win for losing, huh?
9. My mama don’t like you.
10. You hook up a mean baked mac’ n cheese while naked with heels on. You’re an upgrade from my ex who was a 7.5. You’re an 8. My boys drool over you. You can throw back shots of 99 Apples and write an opinion piece on why public healthcare option actually promotes competition. My mama likes you. Your head game is guaranteed to get you at least 4 karats. You keep it right & tight. You’re perfect!… but you’re not a virgin.
We live our lives constantly in search of an upgrade. How did this happen?
@SouthernCharm,
lol@ these.
If a man told me any of the above, I’d go straight Bernadette on his ass! Not because I wouldnt have seen it coming, but because he had the audacity to actually say this isht to my face!!
@Me fail english?,
“If a man told me any of the above, I’d go straight Bernadette on his ass! Not because I wouldnt have seen it coming, but because he had the audacity to actually say this isht to my face!!”
Hilarious!
It is pretty blunt, but it’s what we’re really saying w/o actually saying it. LOL
@SouthernCharm,
You’re a 7.5 on a scale of 1-10. You’re smart. You’re ambitious. You have a good job, and a lot of good things going for yourself. The chex is even good, ya know? But I think I can get at least an 8.
Now what is this? See, CSI too much of a reality check. I mean, what are my options after hearing this here line? Honesty is way overrated. LIE dammit! Although, 20-25 years in an American prison is probably do-able (and they got that good behavior clause). So, yeah… try that line…
@Wanjiru, this is why i think women claim to want to hear the truth, but really don’t.
women…just like to hear voices.
@SouthernCharm,
Damn you just wrapped up my last 5 relationships, minus #10. I think if I found #10 it might be a wrap for ya boy.
@SouthernCharm,
“10. You hook up a mean baked mac’ n cheese while naked with heels on. You’re an upgrade from my ex who was a 7.5. You’re an 8. My boys drool over you. You can throw back shots of 99 Apples and write an opinion piece on why public healthcare option actually promotes competition. My mama likes you. Your head game is guaranteed to get you at least 4 karats. You keep it right & tight. You’re perfect!… but you’re not a virgin.”
LMFAO at this entire list. Especially the above. And *mouth watering* with the baked mac n’ cheese. ‘Tis the only way to make it. I’m too spoilt for that Deluxe and Velvetta hot mess. I want my ish homemade.
@SouthernCharm,
*slow clap*??
@SouthernCharm,
I’ve used 3-5, LOL…I LOVED college….
Bond.
Oh yeah, some more important ones:
If you were dumb enough to buy and still use those Boost Mobile phones that had tracking capabilities, you might wanna yank ‘em
take out all the numbers of the new freaksand throw ‘em up under a steamroller at a nearby road repair project.Stay as busy as possible so you can’t do a single favor for the ex that turns into hangin’ out all day. An awkward high-pressure tactic of some sort is bound to come out of the pocket.
Don’t take the majority of their calls.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
add – and dumb enough to invite the ex to “share your location” on the android/g-phone? Yup! Chuck that one too.
@Wanjiru, hell, should you share your location that kind of way with anybody? Only folks who possibly need that in a way that isn’t for evil is parents and their kids.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Hell nah, my parents dont need that kinda info. What if i’m at the strip club or buying crack or smthg?? Then what?
@Me fail english?, how did you read what I said to mean “parents and a grown frickin’ woman?”
Also @Me fail english?, in the immortal words of Goofy, sumpin’ wrong here! if you’re 17 or younger strippin’* or buying crack…
*Going to see strippers is OK.
Or perhaps the best way to break up with someone is to write a post on your blog about how to breakup with someone. . .
@kamakula, shots fired.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
lol. That woulda been funny/mean if that’s what he was really doing. I was wondering why the rest of the title said “someone you still actually like”. I’m with Bond. Who the hell breaks up with ppl they still like? I gave that isht a major side-eye like, Negro, please. Are you tryna soften the blow as you type???
Alternate title:”How to break up with a very special young lady when it’s not her, it’s you. And she has her best years ahead of her. Matter of fact, alot of guys would love to marry you..er…her one day but the timing just isnt right and…”
Champale wouldnt do anything that transparent though. I dont think…
@Me fail english?,
I’m with Bond. Who the hell breaks up with ppl they still like?
lol, everybody does. i alluded to it in the first paragraph, but most adult break-ups arent all fire and brimstone and sh*t. sometimes you still actually like the person, but you just dont want to be in a romantic relationship with them any more. sh*t happens and sh*t
@The Champ,
I hear you. Maybe I was having trouble with it cause I NEVER wanna continue a platonic rel’ship. Once I say this doesn’t pass the romance test I have no desire to still hang out or speak.
@Me Fail,
I just said that in my comment that was put in moderation. **shaking fist at screen** grrr! I’ve never broken up with someone that I actually still liked.
@pgh muse,
Word, ED. I might think you aight but I def don’t LIKE anyone I broke up with. I’m too picky to be dumping dudes I like.
It won’t be fire & brimstone, just frigid indifference.
@ me fail and pgh muse
lol, i never said anything about continuing sh*t. once its over, its over. still, a lack of romantic feelings doesnt necessarily mean that you hate or even dislike the person, and breaking up with someone you don’t hate (yet, at least) presents an entirely different dynamic than breaking up with someone who kicked your best friend and slept with your dog. hence the title and sh*t
@The Champ,
Gotcha. I think what we’re saying is that the opposite of dislike and hate is not “like”. It’s actually indifference. Just cause I don’t hate you doesn’t mean I still like you. I’ve got plenty dudes I used to talk to, date, whatever that never kicked my puppy. I just plain don’t give an eff about them. And I wouldn’t classify that as “liking” them
@The Champ, this is an interesting MALE perspective. Girls don’t break up with men they still like because dudes who don’t do foul shyt, and are patient enough to love and adore us, and that WE actually like are few and far between. Lots of women don’t do anything to wrong or bad to their partners and are generally decent people – that their partners are just tired of
@pgh muse,
ahh, yes the gender divide may account for this difference. Also, I dont think women would describe a man tehy grew tired of someone they “liked”. Maybe a “nice guy” but a “guy I like”. Semantics anyone?
@kamakula, LMAO.
by the way, that would definitely go down as “the realest shit XXX ever wrote” if that were the case.
hmm so this is making me think. i was with this dude and we’ve been best friends since high school. we liked alot of the same stuff…i’m talking wildin’ out together, acting a fool, partying everything! till someone mentioned that he got feelings 4 me and i was like hmm…he’s my best friend, anything happen and he’s the 1st to know. makes sense to be with him. so we tried it…worked 4 a couple months b4 i cracked cuz sometimes i would still c him as just my best friend, in a weird kinda way. anyway, so it’s been a year and it turns out neither of us could get over the s*x! we wanna ‘hook up’ again but i’m thinking….would it be selfish of me to do it? cuz i know i wouldn’t get attached emotionally, heck i just wanna f*ck! but i’m not so sure about him *help!*
@nikki87, anyway, so it’s been a year and it turns out neither of us could get over the s*x! we wanna ‘hook up’ again but i’m thinking….would it be selfish of me to do it? cuz i know i wouldn’t get attached emotionally, heck i just wanna f*ck! but i’m not so sure about him *help!*
he’s a dude, he’ll be okay with it. as long as you don’t go around cavorting with other cats in front of him.
then you get that OJ treatment.
@Panama Jackson, lmbao!! duly noted…but sometimes u kinda kno how something’s gonna play out b4 it actually happens and u still go ahead anyway, that’s me right now. i’m too tired and waay too busy to ‘get to know’ somebody new all over again and go thru the same stuff just to get some! so we came up with a temp. fix.
@nikki87,
I believe you should have a threesome with him. Where you all can appreciate each other, but you can put the intention on someone else. Sounds crazy, but it might work.
@The Hallway, but would that someone else be a woman or a man? Only pron stars and really horny dudes with good homies are down for the latter.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
It should be another chick, this is not a hard leg party. He might OJ her if she tries that, but another woman he would go. And she can try the guilt trip if he still wants to be together, because she gave him the 3some.
@The Hallway, lol! u know the thought has crossed my mind!
@nikki87,
Im telling you its the answer. U get what you want, and he gets what 99.9% of men wont turn down.
The key to breaking up is not doing so at all. You can then inturnn have s*x with all your exes, because since you strung them along for a ridiculous long time before you consider each other ‘together’, but you then drift away (less calls, less hanging out) make it seem like a natural rather than a forced happening let them get interested in other guys/girls. And then they want youback, because its no like you.
You have to be the sh*t, for this to work.
@The Hallway,
You have to be the sh*t, for this to work.
Well, commentators on this blog at least try dumb hard to come off like they are.
I couldn’t resist.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I am the sh!t, but I’d rather let those of you(SGPL) readers have a glimpse of hope to be as sh!tty as I am.
Tissue anyone. Hence is this not a sh!t throwing contest.
on topic: I have nothing to add. I’ve never broken up with someone that I still liked. If I broke up with him I didn’t like his a$$ anymore. It hasn’t always been ugly and all drawn out. But we definitely weren’t “friends” afterward. I’m not “friends” with any of my exes. I gotta baby daddy that I talk to… but those are extenuating circumstances.
off topic: I LOVE Blueprint 3. Love it.
On Blueprint 3, someone come thru my site and send that to me.
I’m definitely guilty of not making up my mind. I get in a place after the fact where I’m second guessing the break up like, “hmm…maybe if we just tried THIS method it could work out” and then we both make attempts to reconcile. It’s terrible.