Yung Berg (Jesse Grant/Getty Images)
Watching Yung Berg on Love and Hip-Hop Hollywood last night reminded me of how historically unlikable he is. Which made me wonder where he’d rank on a list of the least likable Black people, which then made me wonder who else would be on the list.
10. Wendy Williams
Has made a career out of being unlikable. Which, in a way, is admirable. Has made unlikability performance art.
9. The woman at the post office who always looks and acts like she’s getting fucked by a woodpecker
You know this woman. Maybe she doesn’t work at the post office. Maybe she works at the DMV. Or maybe she’s an ER receptionist. Either way you know her. And you hate her.
Perhaps she’s a really good person when she leaves work. And perhaps her shitty work disposition is due to some issues at home. But that doesn’t matter to you when you ask if she has a pencil, and you can hear her faintly mutter “niggas never come prepared” under her breath. Or when you say “Hi” and she responds with “What do you want?” and you totally know she’d say “What the fuck do you want?” if she was allowed to.
You start to feel bad about hating her. Because she’s probably someone’s mom. Maybe someone’s wife. And then you ask her for an extra document because you made a mistake filling out the first one, and she acts like you asked her for a kidney, and the hate returns.
8. Clarence Thomas
Hasn’t made many waves recently, but as long as there is a list of the least likable Black people, Clarence Thomas will be on it. He is least likable emeritus.
7. Stacey Dash
Is either the world’s most beautiful fool, or the world’s most foolish beauty. Either way, somehow manages to get 7% less likable every time she opens her mouth. Will definitely play @gopblackchick in a Lifetime biopic seven people will watch. Was also in Moving.
6. Mike Tirico
Extra-skeevy Black newsman for ESPN who doesn’t not admit to being Black. Like, seriously. I am not joking. He does not admit to being Black. Claims to be 100% Italian.
5. The Twitter Motherfucker
Could be a man or a woman. Doesn’t matter. Apparently exists just to diarrhea shitty opinion after shitty opinion. Hates everyone. Except bad bitches and Damian Lillard. Used to live in a basement or with a “roommate” but now somehow actually lives inside of cyperspace.
4. The guy who’s always on the corner
You hate that he’s always there, doing nothing but adding unsolicited commentary, taking up sidewalk space, and doing shit that has never been and will never be legal. He has been selling drugs for 17 years, and has not been good enough at his job to receive a promotion. You hate that women you care about might have to walk past him. You hate that he’s still wearing an un tied wave cap like he’s Method Man in 1994. You hate racial profiling and police harassment, but you are happy to see him get racially profiled and harassed by the police.
3. Lolo Jones
Loses everything except unlikability contests.
2. Floyd Mayweather
Acts like King Shit after winning boxing contests as an 130 pound man, which is like winning a national whipped cream eating contest. Although adult illiteracy is a serious issue, it will never not be funny that Floyd Mayweather — the undisputed douchebag champion of the world — reads like Simple Jack.
1. Yung Berg
Has absolutely no redeeming qualities. None. Not one. Makes shitty music only people fed syrup-laced Similac appreciate. Somehow manages to look like a salamander and a sloth at the same time. Has the most punchable face and countenance in the history of punchable faces and countenances. To call him a piece of shit would be an insult to shit. Shit would be offended and would start a petition demanding an apology.