The Dance: Understanding Isaiah Mustafa

Posted on 10 October, 2011 by The Champ

Perhaps I should get back on my horse. It's much safer up there

I came across an episode of the latest season of “The Real World” last week. Although I’m no longer a regular viewer, I watched 10 minutes of it to find the answers to the same six questions that pretty much every black male casual viewer has when learning there’s a new cast

1. Are there any black people?

(If that answer is “Yes” and there’s at least one black female)

2. Are they good-looking?

3. Do they date brothas? (I know you shouldn’t be able to watch a black person on screen for 10 minutes and immediately be able to tell their racial dating preference, but I can and I’m pretty sure that most of you reading this can as well. Also, how much you care about the answer to this question usually directly correlates to how good looking they might be. Basically, we only care whether she dates brothas or not if she’s attractive.)

(If that answer is “Yes, there are black people on the show” and there’s at least one black male)

4. Does he represent? (In this sense “represent” basically just means “Is this a dude I could be cool with in real life?“)

(If there are no black people on the show)

5. Any cute white girls?

(If that answer is “Yes”)

6. Do they date brothas? (Re-read aside #2)

I didn’t watch long enough to find the answers to my questions. (A bit of Google recon did prove that there actually is a black woman on the show — Alexandra, a Zimbabwean-American with an awesome Wiki page.) But, I did watch long enough to hear one of the cast members — a white dude (Nate) so consciously and stereotypically “white dude” that his white friends probably call him “White Nate” — offhandedly describe what he’s looking for in a woman.

(Paraphrasing)

“You know, blond, blue eyes, big boobs, straight teeth, the usual”

I don’t recall if Nate said this in a confessional or to another roommate, but I do remember thinking the following thoughts when hearing it.

A) Generally speaking, blondes are at the top of the average American white man’s pyramid of attractiveness.

B) Natural blondes comprise a very small percentage of the population.

C) Nate is not blonde.

D) Nate will probably never be asked to defend, apologize for, or even explain the connection between #A, #B, and #C.

Now, you’re probably thinking that I’m going to examine why Nate’s preference stays a preference while a person of color expressing a similar preference for a rare and highly sought-after look usually becomes a complex. I’ll eventually get there, but what stood out in particular was how Nate’s statement was actually more of a mental muscle memory exercise than a fully thought out sentence.

I’m not saying that he doesn’t like blond, blue eyed, big tittied women, but the way he responded let me know that I’m sure he knows that’s a “safe” answer — the one that a person with his resume is supposed to give — so he repeats it without giving it much thought.

This isn’t uncommon. We generally know who and what we’re supposed to be attracted to, so instead of making waves, many of us (myself included) will just spout what we think people are expecting to hear. It’s really no different than the “How was your day?” dance we all love to do. The person asking usually doesn’t really want the answer, and the person answering usually doesn’t really want to answer.

This dance — where the steps vary depending on who you’re talking to and why you’re talking to them — is the reason why Isaiah Mustafa (better known as the Old Spice guy) is currently on a “Hey, I came out of a black woman’s vagina! I love black women and shit!” apology tour. Background: During an “E! News” interview a couple weeks ago, Mustafa was asked what he was looking for in a woman. His replies seemed innocent enough, until he mentioned that because of his natural naps, a woman he’d procreate with would need to have “good” hair to balance things out.

Predictably, this statement wasn’t received very well in certain segments of the blogosphere.

Now, aside from his Old Spice work and the fact that he might have the single blackest name I’ve ever seen in print, I don’t know anything about Isaiah Mustafa. But, although I’m a bit surprised that he wasn’t savvy enough to realize how charged and pejorative any mention of “good hair” could be, I don’t see anything particularly harmful or egregious with what he said.

Actually, let me rephrase that. His mistake wasn’t that he misspoke. He misstepped. He just made a wrong dance move.

Consider the context.

A) He’s an attractive actor known for his sense of humor and deadpan delivery.

B) He’s doing a very short and very light news spot for a very light network (E!) about a very light show (Charlie’s Angels) he’s currently on.

C) He was interviewed by an intentionally attractive woman (Giuliana Rancic)

With these factors in place, it’s easy to see what happened. He wasn’t trying to diss black women (or any woman who doesn’t have “good hair”). Instead, he was just attempting to play on that “I’m a handsome black guy, but I don’t take myself that seriously” persona he’s cultivated by talking shit about his own looks. Basically, he was flirting, and he made a self-depreciating funny — a funny no different than a short person joking that they need a tall mate to balance out their genes — that went too far

His mistake was failing to realize that a black man making certain jokes about himself can very easily touch on an extremely sensitive nerve — a phenomenon further exacerbated by the fact that when a person in what’s thought to be a somewhat privileged social position even jokingly implies that people at the opposite end of the spectrum aren’t mate worthy, a preference has a funny way of turning into a complex.

Now, Isaiah Mustafa may in fact have a complex and may in fact hate everything about his black skin. I don’t know, and I doubt anyone reading this knows either. But, you just can’t make that determination from his statement. A surprising lack of social savvy? Definitely. But not a damning example of self and sista hate.

Anyway, people of VSB, I’m curious: What are your thoughts about this situation? Do you think he’s guilty of serious self-hate, damned with a dumb dance move, or somewhere inbetween?

Also, so we can finally settle this once and for all, what the hell is the difference between a preference and a complex?

—The Champ

http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com Mr. Wee Thomas

People violate preferences all the time. For example, I prefer to date women 5’3″ and taller. However, I in certain cases, I will make an exception. If I had a complex about dating women 5’3″ and taller, there would never be an exception. You could come up with the most fantastic hypothetical situation and my answer would still be no. You could offer me everything I ever wanted plus a 5’2″ woman and I’d still say no.

Franky, you gotta admire people with complexes for their ability to not compromise. Like Republicans. That’s about all I admire about them. . .
- http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik
  
  I would like to do give you some applause. This is the best first comment I’ve seen since I’ve been coming to VSB. Clear, concise, and actually adds to the discussion.
  - Tx10inch
    
    cosign.
  - http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com Mr. Wee Thomas
    
    Umm. . . I actually have plenty of those. . . though under a different name.
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  “However, I in certain cases, I will make an exception. If I had a complex about dating women 5’3? and taller, there would never be an exception.”
  
  makes sense
Sigma_Since 93

I made it to the night time party!!
- Tx10inch
  
  did u bring alcohol?
  - sigma_since 93
    
    I got *ahem* sidetracked and had to tap out early
    - Tx10inch
      
      You make getting “sidetracked” sound like fun.
passion

I saw nothing wrong with his comment. Everyone has preferences. you cant be made at some one just because you dont fit in.
- http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
  
  You’re right but for me I think it’s beyond a “preference” with this guy. If a man says he prefers tall or prefers curvy or prefers long hair, etc that wouldn’t bother me one bit. We all have preferences like you said.
  
  But when a person says “I have nappy hair so I need a woman with good hair to balance things out”…well, that’s some ignorant sh*t. It’s all in context and mind set. He basically said he hates his naps. That’s the same thing as a dark skin person saying they need to date a white/light person to balance out their darkness. That’s fugged up. To me, that spells out bigger issues dealing more with self than a date. Just me, though.
  - http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com Mr. Wee Thomas
    
    Well, he didn’t say he needed to date someone to balance out his own hair – he wanted someone to balance out the hair in his kids. For example, in the skin color thing, how can you expect to balance out skin color if you are dark and date someone darker than you?
    
    Wanting something different from yourself does not imply that you hate yourself.
    - Kema
      
      What does ‘balancing out the hair in his kids’ actually mean? It means he doesnt like his nappy hair and wouldnt want to pass it down to his kids. Complex to me…
      - http://www.twitter.com/smartfoxgirl SmartFoxGirl
        
        Exactly
    - Onyx Lady
      
      By saying that he wants to “balance it out” he’s basically saying that there is something “wrong” with naturally kinky hair that needs to be “corrected”. That’s a problem. We as a people are starting to get way too tolerant of the negative media messages about our appearance. If we don’t speak up for ourselves, embrace our beauty for what it is, and stop excusing the ignorance we’re doomed. And by doomed I mean lost and unaware like black people in Latin America doomed.
      - http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com Mr. Wee Thomas
        
        So if a short guy wanted to date a tall woman (or vice versa) to “balance out height”, it means that they think there is something wrong with naturally short people that needs to be corrected?
        
        Or is it that it’s ok to screen dates by height, but not hair?
        
        SunaoButterfly
        
        *swish*
Vixen

He has a white girlfriend. So its semi-safe to say he isn’t checking for Black women. He’s not that cute NOR talented for me to care anyway. *kanyesrug*
- LMNOP
  
  i didn’t see the interview, but if he has a girlfriend, why is he even talking about what he’s looking for in a woman?
  - A Woman’s Eyes
    
    It’s the Hollywood way. Build the public sexy single man fantasy & keep the girlfriend well hidden unless she is in the industry too.
    - http://twitter.com/wavecapwillis Wave Cap Willis
      
      I can confirm that this is true. I have friends in the music industry who do this.
      
      Putting your relationship status on the auction block is one of the last steps you take towards making yourself a pop culture commodity (and possibly a household name).
  - http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
    
    I vaguely remember Giuliana directly asking if he was single and him mentioning that he was, in fact, newly single. But yeah, he was with a non-Black chick.
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  “He has a white girlfriend. So its semi-safe to say he isn’t checking for Black women”
  
  how does dating a white woman mean that you’re not interested in black women? i mean, if i date a lawyer, does that mean i’m not interested in teachers?
  - http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 herbetteroption
    
    Check.
    - AGDM
      
      and mate
  - A Woman’s Eyes
    
    Thank you!
  - Sula
    
    Alladis.
  - http://dodreamaisha.wordpress.com dodreamaisha
    
    No, but if you were a teacher, said you needed a spouse who works in courtrooms to balance out what profession your kids would be exposed to, AND you were dating a lawyer, you’re basically sayin’ you ain’t too fond of that teachin’ ish.
    
    Or if I lived in a mansion, said I needed to move to a condo to balance out all the damn space I been living in, and lived in a condo right before I copped the mansion, it is PRETTY I have a pattern of not being ’bout that mansion life. Your example is not parallel at all
  - JW
    
    For reals
- http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com Mr. Wee Thomas
  
  One of my exes is white. The ex immediately after her is black.
  
  Who do I hate?
  - Kema
    
    women
    - http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie
      
      *falls the hell out*
      - SugaShane
        
        Bwhahaha!!
    - http://www.becauseimwrite.com muze
      
      *dies*
Iamnotakata

I think he’s damned with a dumb dance move, but…..all things considered, he meant what he said. Typically the first thing out a persons mouth is their actual sentiment, or feelings. So he is looking for a woman with “good hair” which more than likely won’t end up being an African American women. But if she is she will be the type deemed “exotic” or mixed…..Black people have problems with black people
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  “Typically the first thing out a persons mouth is their actual sentiment, or feelings.”
  
  I don’t think I agree with that. In fact, I know I don’t
- http://dietynyota.wordpress.com/ DietyNyota
  
  Why do people think that black women don’t have ‘good hair’? What constitutes “good hair” is my question, because the last time I checked, all hair is good hair as long as its taken care of properly.
http://christinawrotethat.com Christina

I think it was innocent. I recently said, “I want my babies to have white names like Amy and Claire…” and got told off for not loving myself. Didn’t change my mind. I’ll just use the word “plain” or “classic” instead next go round.
- A Woman’s Eyes
  
  Amy and Claire? Lol Over regular names like these?
- Nell
  
  Oh, so because you want your kids to have a job later on in life, you don’t love yourself? Negro, please! LOL
  
  I personally want my kids to have “call-back” names myself (names where, if seen on a resume, the employer won’t balk and place it in the reject pile). Hey, that’s just me.
  - http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
    
    you mean names like barack and oprah and condelessa? (jk, i get the point you’re making)
    - http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 herbetteroption
      
      When Darealyst Jenkins gets elected…
      - http://www.shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady
        
        I personally want my kids to have “call-back” names myself (names where, if seen on a resume, the employer won’t balk and place it in the reject pile). Hey, that’s just me.
        
        hmm i think that if that was ever an issue its a thing of the past. plain names do not equal call backs. my real name is nowhere near common and condolessa aint no better than darealyst. My resume speaks for itself and call backs have never been an issue for me or my
        
        sisters who all have uncommon names. Now I am anti making up names and feel that names are very important and should be chosen with purpose and meaning but picking a “plain name” for the sake of picking a plain name is no different in my book than making up one for the sake of being different.
        
        and if I remember correctly when it was an issue it wasnt the name as much as the names were used to weed out black candidates.. and if you show up to an interview black and they dont want a black.. well aint really shyt your name is going to help you with at that point.
        
        http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/08/05/wait-what/ chunk
        
        +1
        Janiqua #FTW
    - http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/08/05/wait-what/ chunk
      
      …but I’m not… I refuse to name my kids something “classic” just to buck ethnic identity… if when the time comes tiqua keshia monique naja bokeem rhakim or anything else “black” fits the face of what comes out of me, i’m going for it… and if i choose something “classic” you can believe it wont be spelled that way…
      - http://dodreamaisha.wordpress.com dodreamaisha
        
        +1 chunk.
    - http://dodreamaisha.wordpress.com dodreamaisha
      
      Or Denzel, or Londell (a ridiculously successful black entertainment attorney), , or Cornell (someone tell me what a cornell is, and why do black people love ‘em some “ell”s?) , or the MYRIAD other black people who are successful with suuuper black names?
      
      Please, I got 50 lem degrees and a good thousand percent of the black folk I went to school at my 20 institutions of higher learning were Nigerian or some other continent representer and therefore had as black of names as you could get. Don’t tell ‘em their name held them back cuz they’ll whip their Harvard/Columbia/Yale dual degrees out on dat azz.
      
      Non-ignorant names do not have to be “white” names. I’d love to give my child an African name with meaning. No, Zooquaisha may not get a call back, but Imani just might.
      - Nell
        
        Cornell isn’t a bad name, actually.
        
        SugaShane
        
        Speaking from experience, Nell?
  - Nikki
    
    I feel you. Every time I see someone with one of those crazy made up names or “normal” ones with an unrecognizable spelling I wonder if the parents really know what they are doing to their children later in life. Not saying that all the Shaniquas of the world are doomed, but knowing people who work in HR has enlightened me to the fact that when resumes come across with crazy names they are sometimes (oftentimes) put in a “maybe” pile that almost always ends up in file 13…the trash. Not saying that it’s right (or legal), but that’s how it usually goes.
  - Kema
    
    IMO… Employers that will disqualify you for having a ‘black sounding’ name probably dont really want to hire black people.
    - http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/08/05/wait-what/ chunk
      
      +1
- nillalatte
  
  Just to add on here….
  
  My real first name is not a regular ‘white name’. In fact, my real name is something so not normal that folks think from my name that I’m Hawaiian or Black. My middle name ain’t no better, but is French in origin tho not a lot of people know it’s origin. Hell, I didn’t for the longest and wondered what my parents were smoking when they decided to name me!
  
  My children do not have very common American/white names either. They are a product of a blended culture and therefore they have blended names. I did that purposely because I wanted to represent both cultures in their names. Since 9/11, it has been a bit harder on them with the names that they have, but my kids are real, and like momma, don’t take nobody’s shyt. When kids start calling teasing them calling them terrorists they handle it.
  
  I agree with Shay-d-lady on this one. It’s what I bring to the table in terms of experience and education. If they don’t like what I wear, style my hair, etc., that’s their problem. There are reasonable people in the world who actually make hiring decisions based on KSA’s.
  - http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah
    
    I want to name one of my sons “Hussayn.” I know that’s going to be a problem, but God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle. I don’t see the point in hiding one’s identity to get a job. At the end of the day, they’re still going to talk mad ish about you behind your back or make subtle comments to your face about your race, religion, etc.
- JW
  
  I have an ethnic name, and consciously told myself that I will never “sellout” and put my middle name just to have a “call-back” name on my resume.
  
  With that being said, I was unemployed for 2 years, using my ethnic name, and was striking out all the time. It wasn’t until times got tough, and my unemployment checks ran out, that I had to try something different. So I used my middle name “Robert” as my name on my resume, and that was when I starting getting more calls, and landed a great job.
  
  So the point is, I guess, is to keep it in perspective. Be mindful of the times, and with the amount of resumes flowing around, anything can throw a hiring manager off. Do what you gotta do. There are some idiots out there that will judge you by your name, but sometimes you gotta suck it up, because unfortunately, these idiots control your future. I got in with “Robert”, and made sure once I got to the interview, to please call me by my name.
Notsoanonymous

Sometimes i do believe we tend to over analyze things coming from a black person, i guess its another one of those double standards we just have to live with. Shrug
- LadyC
  
  He could have answered in a more playful way. But I do agree we tend to overanalyze statements about “good hair” especially after the Chris Rock film
Tx10inch

He said nothing wrong. He simply said what he wanted.

I want a gurl wit extensions in her hair, bamboo earrings at least two pair…..
- xLadyTx
  
  What about the Fendi bag & bad attitude??
  - Tx10inch
    
    That’s all I need to get me inna good mood…
    - xLadyTx
- Hawaii
  
  Can she walk with a switch and talk that street slang??
  - Tx10inch
    
    You know I luv it when a woman ain’t scared to do her thang!
    - Hawaii
      - A Woman’s Eyes
        
        Sidenote: I love that LL Cool J made it into this discussion.
        
        Tx10inch
        
        He wasn’t trying to diss black women (or any woman who doesn’t have “good hair”). Basically, he was flirting,
        
        Perm in ya hair or even a curly weave, wit ya new edition Bobby Brown button on ya sleeve. I tell ya come here , you say meet me half way cause brothas been poppin dat game all day….
        
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool
        
        Still laying them at your feet I see.
        
        Tx10inch
        
        lol @ TAC.
        
        Not me chica…where u been?
        
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool
        
        Sleeping, actually. I’ve been kind of worn out lately and unable to stay up past ten most nights. And I’m too busy to comment during regular business hours.
        
        I promise to try and do better. I miss you guys.
        
        Tx10inch
        
        gotcha. get ya sleep on. we ain’t goin no where. missed ya too…
- http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd
  
  Ah, that reminds me of the neighborhood I grew up in. Cool.
  - A Woman’s Eyes
    
    *** Happy Birthday ! ***
- http://www.twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl
  
  I was thinking that Ten Pipe…what if he said he likes nappy headed women, would we be mad? Of course not. lol I agree with everyone saying who cares but part of me was offended. I guess I feel like certain things are just insensitive and I’ve learned that Black hair is one of those touchy subjects. A few months ago, I said that nappy hair wasn’t that nice looking and I almost got MURKED. It’s the same thing with Black skin. We just need to be careful when we talk about those sensitive black issues.
  - http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 herbetteroption
    
    we just had this argument in the barbershop, dude was saying how spanish people had good hair and the ninjas wasnt hearing that. so its not even just black women anymore…
  - Tx10inch
    
    A few months ago, I said that nappy hair wasn’t that nice looking and I almost got MURKED.
    
    lol. I remember dat. I just believe we already know the “Taye Diggs” of tha world have their preferences…..unless they’re outright disrespectful or racist with it, why get mad? why be offended? They like the beckys, or a certain “type” of woman and probably grew up that way.
    
    So as a black woman, you’re not going to shame or scare him into wanting you. Just shake yo head, pray for him and keep lookin for that ~~10inchsexGod~~ good black man that wants a good black woman. Hell, after finding all that out, would you really want him anyway???
    - http://www.twitter.com/smartfoxgirl SmartFoxGirl
      
      LMAO. True true. That seems to be the theme today. Thing is, for me, its not about wanting him or whether or not i would date him. To be honest, I don’t really care if brothas want to date white women. What bothers me is the negative and hurtful things some say. It’s the difference between me saying I prefer tall men because I like men taller than me…versus me saying I like tall men because short men have smaller wangs <— that's offensive to short men, especially if I was short myself. Does that make sense?
      - Tx10inch
        
        Yeah, I got whatcha saying and I somewhat agree. But from what I read, I just really don’t believe he MEANT it to be offensive, I just think it’s a very sensitive subject with black women and alot took offense to it.
http://twitter.com/tylerg_thomas tgtaggie

I think ole dude is probably more out of touch with the “black women hair association”. Most black men know that it is almost blasphemy to criticize a black woman’s hair. And if he did he probably will be judged for saying he hate black women (i.e The Old Spice guy)
- sunshyne84
  
  he probably doesn’t hang with too many of us to begin with to even know it would be an issue
  - Mr SoBo
    
    Probably because he’s a good black man, which means too many black women wouldnt have hung out with him in the first place for him to even learn these things.
- http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd
  
  Sad, but true. LOL And this is from someone who LIKES natural hair.
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  I think ole dude is probably more out of touch with the “black women hair association”.
  
  i think this is very possible. there are people who’ve grown up in places where they just never had to learn that there’s certain things you don’t say, and he might be one of them.
  - Cali
    
    & lets face it – he’s in an industry surrounded by people who most likely think the same thing, so he didn’t think it was “wrong” to say.
http://mondaysbaby.com Monday’s Baby

No, it wasn’t a joke. That negro meant what he said.

In the interview when asked about the kind of woman he was looking for he said (among other things), “Yes, it does have to be real hair. I want my kids to have nice hair so she better have good hair. Cause, I don’t know if you’ve checked my hair out lately. Aside from today it’s normally nice. Today it’s slightly nappy,” Mustafa said.

He’s equating nice hair with not being nappy. Non-nappy hair is good hair. Never mind that he could have children with a woman who has “good” hair and his kids could still come out with nappy hair. His statement sounded ignorant. Why not just say he wanted a woman with long straight or wavy hair? Why did he have to categorize it as “good” vs. nappy (“bad”) hair?

Sometimes people have physical preferences. But don’t be so disingenuous as to ignore what shapes those preferences…especially for black people who have and continue to live under a system of systemic white supremacy.
- http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd
  
  White supremacy? So what shapes the White guys? Is there some secret organization that determines White beauty standards? Is it the same one that decides the fashion trends that year? Maybe we can lobby them or something.
  - http://mondaysbaby.com Monday’s Baby
    
    Actually, white supremacy is what shapes white people’s standards as well, Todd. Hitler and Nazism is an example of that concept taken to the extreme. Hitler wanted to create a nation of “pure” blonde-haired, blue-eyed Aryans.
    
    Stop trying to be cute.
    - http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd
      
      Hey, I get hegemony and all of that. The problem is that all the hegemony in the world won’t get it up for me (or anyone else, for that matter). Also, I don’t have conversations and share a life with hegemony. I have conversations and share lives with actual people. In order to do that, I have to be comfortable on some level with them. I’m not so dense as to think culture doesn’t shade our choices one way or another. However, I also know that hegemony doesn’t tell me what’s attractive. My individual experiences within a culture tell me that. Simply put, you can’t wish away someone’s impulses.
      
      Oh, and http://youtu.be/WFY2kJ96jNY
      - A Woman’s Eyes
        
        Rotflmao
      - http://dodreamaisha.wordpress.com dodreamaisha
        
        Nope, we can’t wish away someone’s impulses. We are free to do what we wish. And therefore no one can wish away my impulse to slap him upside his nappy azz head.
        
        Nevertheless, to act like one’s impulses are completely void of cultural influence and take place in a vacuum is obtuse. Cultures, like physical preferences, are not some instinctive, genetic phenomenon. They are shaped by a multitude of factors, media being one of them.
        
        I don’t love to travel, eat alfafa sprouts, mangoes, and plantains just because it “gets it up for me.” I like these things because I had a world traveling/hippie/Panamanian momma who exposed me to this type of stuff growing up, and I have positive associations with them.
        
        If you’re surrounded by one particular brand of pleasant all the time, it’s pretty safe to say other types of pleasant may not be on your radar, and you may not even think you like it all that much cause everything else you grew with was so darn fabulous.
        
        Our ideas of attractiveness are kinda like that.
        
        http://mondaysbaby.com Monday’s Baby
        
        Basically. +1
- http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ
  
  “Yes, it does have to be real hair. I want my kids to have nice hair so she better have good hair. Cause, I don’t know if you’ve checked my hair out lately. Aside from today it’s normally nice. Today it’s slightly nappy,” Mustafa said.
  
  see, i guess this is just a exercise in perspectives, because i look at that statement and see a guy trying too hard to be funny/charming. i guess this is a Rorschach test
  - Kema
    
    “i guess this is a Rorschach test”
    
    *looks at statemen* I see self-hate shaped like a butterfly
    - http://www.styleillusions.com WIP
      
      Reading that and knowing absolutely nothing else, I’d say he probably meant his hair had rolled up (is beedy-beed offensive?) That’s what nappy hair tends to do when it’s short. But the obvious (clear as mud maybe) implication was that his peasy head didn’t consist of “nice” hair and that he didn’t want that for his children. He didn’t say those words but that’s how it sounded. It’s to the extent Sesame Street had to try to get y’all straight. LOL It’s just an outdated way of thinking.
  - http://www.styleillusions.com WIP
    
    LOL- the real quote is even worse.
  - http://mondaysbaby.com Monday’s Baby
    
    I suppose it can be seen as such.
    
    As a black woman, I filter things through my lived experiences and knowledge about the world. Women are judged much more based on their levels of (perceived) attractiveness than men are. Black women are not the mainstream standard of beauty. Hence, a black man going on a mainstream media outlet and yapping about desiring “good” hair in a mate so that his children will have “nice” hair is beyond wack in my opinion. Have your complexes and preferences but don’t open your plantation baggage in front of Miss Anne.
    
    You say to-may-toe, I say to-mah-tow.