Why this Kool-Aid ad featuring Malcolm Jamal-Warner, brought to our attention by Tonja Stidhum, is the Blackest thing we’ve seen all week.
1. There is no single food Blacker than the Kool-Aid packet. Not greens, not chitlins, not salt, not nothing. Imagine Cornell West playing dominoes at Rucker Park in Harlem. That’s how Black the Kool-Aid packet is.
2. Because, as Black as the Kool-Aid packet is, until this ad, no Black person had any idea there were 15 flavors of Kool-Aid. There is only grape and red for regular Blacks, orange for Bougie Blacks, and blue for that Labor Day your mom invited her White coworkers to the cookout. That’s all we knew about before this ad, and we still don’t believe it.
3. The sweater Malcolm-Jamal Warner is rocking. It’s not quite a Cosby sweater, but not quite not a Cosby sweater. But it does look very warm, and since most Black people are either anemic or grew up in households where the ac didn’t come on unless it was 126 degrees, a not-quite-not-a-Cosby-sweater indoors is Black as fuck.
5. Malcolm-Jamal Warner’s first name is Malcolm-Jamal. He is, quite possibly, the only Malcolm-Jamal who has ever existed. Jamal is Black enough already, but adding a hyphen to it takes it from “dark-brown” to “8-rock.”
6. The Kool-Aid pitcher is empty. The text from the ad — and Warner’s face — suggest someone left an empty pitcher in the refrigerator. This is some Black-ass shit.
7. The Kool-Aid man kinda looks like Charles S. Dutton.
8. There is definitely some type of texturizer in Malcolm-Jamal Warner’s hair. When you think about this and the fact that he’s rocking a not-quite-not-a-Cosby-sweater, there’s no doubt Malcolm-Jamal Warner is the one who drank all the Kool-Aid. Why? Because he’s too fucking hot.