sometime last week i decided to put all of my kanye-influenced music into one itunes playlist. from “this can’t be life” to the original version of “homecoming“, anything that had any type of connection to the arrogant one is now compiled in one neat little pocket, like a card case or a bottle of ky. while doing this, i came across the forgettably underrated “drive slow“, a track from late registration featuring paul wall, which immediately reminded me of a conversation i had with a friend a couple years ago. this friend, who’s usually a cross between undercover brother, “hooper x” from “chasing amy”, sonja sanchez, sister t, and tookie williams, surprisingly had no issue when finding out that mr. wall was married to a black woman.

“he gets a pass” he remarked, “any n*gga with a degree with a song on their album titled “Sip-n-Da Barr” can bone whoever the hell they want. he gets a black pass”

loosely defined as the possession of status that allows a particular white person to bone/date/marry a black person with general approval (on both sides) from the black community, the doleing out of the black pass is as synonymous to black culture as grape kool-aid, long-winded church names, and grade school playground acorn fights around the swings.

in true vsb.com fashion, we’ll identify and examine a couple members of this elite club.

bobby deniro

claim to fame:

like the champ, deniro is a living icon, one of the five greatest actors of all-time.

reasons for making the cut:

—black women love portrayals of bad boys on film, and no one has ever done this better or with more swagger than bobby d.

—he’s been romantically linked with black women for basically his entire adult life (chris rock once joked that the only thing a white chick could do for robert deniro is tell him where the sistas is at)

—at least one of his movies (goodfellas, the godfather part 2, casino, a bronx tale, heat, or the adventures of rocky and bullwinkle) is on basically every black males top ten movie list

honorable mentions:

al pacino, james gandolfini, quentin tarentino, pat riley, steve nash, bill maher, jon b circa 1995, peter north, terrance howard

tina fey

claim to fame:

an award winning actress, writer, director, and producer, fey is the funniest woman in america, and has been for at least the past five years.

reasons for making the cut:

—fey combines a level of sharp-ass wit that all women of color appreciate with the exact right amount of non-threatening sex appeal that allows black men to openly and freely profess that she get it while in the presence of black women...who will actually nod in approval or co-sign (“yeah. if i had a w*ng i’d bag her too” ). an astoundingly ground-breaking feat!!!!

—three words: sarah palin impressions. each palin snl skit extends fey’s black pass another 15 years. at this point she could shank tristan wilds at the emmy’s and it still wouldnt affect her standing

honorable mentions:

teena marie. this is it. there have been no other white women in the history of white womendom to receive black passes other than teena marie and tina fey. sans pink for a day or two in the summer of 2001, no one else has ever come even close.

am i forgetting anyone?

—the champ