*sung to Muddy Waters’s “Hoochie-Coochie Man” blues standard*
I once knew a man he aint get a fair shake he had a simple plan he just wanted one date But he always got dissed passed over and played so he got really pissed and starting throwing all types of shade! Ohhhh, he got the blues! He got those Bitter Man Blues!!!! Ohhhh, he needs a shoulder and some luck. But everyone just says “Man up”
We all know this man.
He could be your brother, your father, your co-worker, your best friend, or your ex-boyfriend. Sh*t, he might even be you. While his backstory’s beholden to the same sad narrative, his identity’s bound to no specific culture, class, or creed.
Like everyone else, he started off with a completely clean dating and relationship slate. No baggage, no animosity, no propensity for prolonged spells of unprovoked hyper-sensitivity or bitchassness. Even if he wasn’t exactly an optimist, he was confident that he’d find his relationship way, and ultimately convinced of the latent good of mankind.
This man was my dog this man used to smile but he saw too much fog no more sunny smiles for a while I should have listened
I should have paid attention I should have let him mention
but now his spirit’s missin’! Ohhhh, he got the blues! He got those Bitter Man Blues!!!! Ohhhh, he needs a shoulder and some luck. But everyone just says “Man up”
Then, it happened. Maybe it was a particularly devastating break-up. Maybe he was star-crossed enough to cross paths with a series of unfortunately awful vagina-laden people. And, maybe, well, maybe nothing ever happened, and he was just tired of sitting on the sidelines and watching things happen to everyone else. Whatever it was, something happened to him; something that broke something inside of him, replacing his happy nature with harshness and turning him from affable to antagonistic.
“But“, you’d say after hearing his story, “this is common. Most people go through a period of relationship adversity. And, for some unfortunate people, sometimes this adversity is particularly bad. But, you eventually nurse your wounds and get back out there“. And, you’d be right. Sh*t happens to everyone, and sometimes that sh*t happens to be pretty damn sh*tty. What makes the Bitter Man unique, though, is that he never got that chance to heal. His highway had no shoulders for emergencies only.
While luckier and/or more sexually viable men find solace in the hearts and between the legs of silly women with sympathetic ears, and women facing hard times find comfort in the latent emotional flexibility allowed and encouraged by femininity, The Bitter Man had no one to turn to. The relentless stoicism expected from men (and attractive to many women) swallowed him whole, engulfing him with self and societal pressure to “Man up” and “Stop acting like a bitch“. Plus, even if he was willing to purge, he knew no one would want to listen to an average guy with completely anecdotal but completely real gripes of women sincerely lament that he’s been unlucky with love.
Eventually the untended wound festered, turning him from momentarily broken to permanently scarred, leaving him with nothing but a chip on his shoulder, a finger in his eye, and his blues; his Bitter Man Blues.
He was a good guy but now he’s a dick i don’t even try i can’t take his shit It wasn’t his plan his pain, we should have felt should have gave him a hand
he just needed someone’s help! Ohhhh, he got the blues! He got those Bitter Man Blues!!!! Ohhhh, he needed a shoulder and some luck. But… ….everyone just said “Man up”
P.S. One last time for the cheap seats. For all the DMV VSBers, tonight is the finale of the Centric/BET Master Of The Mix DJ reality show competition and Lil SoSo Productions is holding a viewing party at Muse (717 6th Street NW). Panama Jackson is one of the community partners and would love for you all to come out and hang for some free alcohol (open bar from 9-10 on Smirnoff drinks) and there is no cover charge. So come kick it with Panama and just do what you do. Peep a video of the last viewing party where Panama and VSB represented ferociously (and some video footage of the Panamanian one himself). Doors at 8pm. Check the flyer below and hope to see you there. For those who have already let me know you’re coming through, I promise you will know its me when you see me. For those considering it, just let us know via email (firstname.lastname@example.org) or via Panama’s twitter (@panamajackson). See you there.