90 minutes or so into the godfather, michael corleone–who’s been exiled to sicily–sees his first wife (appolonia) for the first time, and is so overcome by her that one of his bodyguards remarks that he’s been “struck by the thunderbolt“. to drive this point even further, the next scene shows michael asking appolonia’s father for her hand in marriage, despite the fact that he hasn’t even met her yet.
the father accepts michael’s offer, and michael and appolonia meet. he courts her, they marry and, if it wasn’t for an unfortunate plot-device car-bombing, they would have lived happily ever after.
i first watched this movie when i was 8 years old. for the next 15 years, i convinced myself that the love at first sight “thunderbolt” (or “fireworks”, “butterflies”, or “spark”) wasn’t just the right way to be in a relationship, it was the only way. in my mind, any romantic relationship that didn’t involve a perpetual fireworks display when you were in each other’s presence was illegitimate. you were either soulmates or just wasting your f*cking time.
this is where you’re probably expecting to read about some relationship adversity i faced that ultimately led to a “the thunderbolt doesn’t exist” epiphany, and you’d be (partially) right.
my first interactions with my ex-fiancee mirrored those of michael and appolonia. we met on a saturday, and by that next saturday we’d already met each other’s parents and slept together twice.
i had it all, the thunderbolt, the fireworks, the butterflies, the spark…and it was all bullsh*t. i allowed that initial thunderbolt–which was really just a mix of lust, like, and years of built up relationship idealism–to delude me into ignoring multiple red flags. and, thinking the thunderbolt couldn’t have possibly been wrong, i stayed in the relationship a full year past its expiration date.
it wasn’t her fault, really. i was so blinded by the butterflies that once a bit of adversity removed my gaga goggles, i realized we weren’t who i thought we were. but, no one could have lived up to that ideal. we were doomed from the start.
i realize my anecdotal evidence doesn’t “prove” the thunderbolt is bullsh*t any more than watching the godfather or the notebook “proves” it exists. i’m sure there are couples out there who fell in love the first time they locked eyes with each other. some might even be reading this right now, and i salute them and their matching snuggies.
but, while those initial thunderbolts, fireworks, and butterflies are possible, they’re improbable…and you can be perfectly happy without them.
in fact, the vast majority of people in good relationships follow the exact same script:
he thinks she’s cute. she thinks he’s cute. they like each other. they get together. they stay together. they die.
that’s it. no fireworks, no alignment of the stars, and no thunderbolts unless you’re within 10 miles of a cumulonimbus.
wait, actually that’s a lie.
they do eventually come, but not until you’re convinced your life is better with that person than without, and that can happen anywhere from 5 months to 5 years after you initially meet. you don’t build on the butterflies, you build to the butterflies. thinking that you need them in place in order to pursue a relationship is like waiting to win the lottery before you open a checking account.
i always wondered what would have happened if appolonia didn’t die in that explosion. would michael have stayed in sicily? would he have left the family business for good? would their eventual daughter still end up sleeping with her first cousin? who knows?
these questions are futile, though. her death was necessary. the thunderbolt scene resonates so deeply because appolonia’s sudden death fossilized her perfection, allowing the viewer (and michael) to reflect wistfully about the idealized version of what might have been instead of the realistic and nuanced version of what actually would have been. she convinces us that we need those butterflies to be perfect, to be happy, and she had to die to preserve that lie.
—the champ
I’m guessing folks are expecting me to be first…
No.
*Sigh* The day is yours Cheekie…
Ahhh, but “Yes”!
*cues music*
Get your two step on! Victory is yours
VIXEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3
Thanks, Andi
Dope Avi!
Thanks, Wu!
I think her mini-series a few years ago was the last DC books I actually liked. Good character but too bad they should have kept her in the JLA.
They should have. JLA had the most color when it was a cartoon on TV because a brotha was helping put it out. *sigh*
the day after my bday..you wont let me be great??!?!! lol.
i kid i kid. i dont aim for the number 1 spot. ludacris.
ps: black ppl are really good at making money..kinda. why does ludacris have a cognac? why was it being given out for free at a club during ‘bana weekend? so many questions…
Where are the lips??? My daughter is going to be mad.
How was your bday?
@SFG: surrree..your “daughter”. lol.
the bday in all its entirety was WICKED!
thanks for askin! back to reality..
but at least NFL is around the corner!
Drat!!!
Ooo good one Champ! I love the Godfather and I always thought Appolonia was so beautiful and tragic (as beautiful movie ingenues tend to be). I agree whole heartedly with this post though. In my last relationship, we started out as friends and he had to convince *ahem* pursue me. He got me though and they’re were eventual fireworks. I don’t really believe in love at first sight because I see love as an action, and a very involved one. I do believe in infatuation at first sight and we all know infatuation has a very short shelf life….
“I see love as an action, and a very involved one”
good point
@Andi—”I don’t really believe in love at first sight because I see love as an action, and a very involved one.” <—–This is absolute truth!! Love isn't a noun, it's a verb! Relationships are great but they require daily work. Love isn't enough if there isn't communication, trust, patience, kindness and sacrifice.
All I need is 1.
Hey maybe its just me…
damn. i kept refreshing. no luck!
I NoL’ed approximately 4 times while reading this post (nodded out loud).
Now, excuse me while I copy some of the gems of this post into my EverNote (which is, after my spiritual relationship and Google, the single greatest thing to ever happen to me).
Good day.
Now, excuse me while I copy some of the gems of this post into my EverNote
you and your evernote need to get a room
here i am PRAISING your philosophical prowess, and this is the thanks i get? I’m being blackballed by VSB; I know it– I can’t even put a picture up! Crabs in a proverbial bucket, I say.
thanks, big p.
was that better?
You’re an EverNote lover?!?
Pardon me while I admire the fireworks…
I love Evernote too!
*Googles EverNote* Hmmm, I may need this in my life…
“we weren’t who i thought we were” – did you let her off the hook? did you crown her a$$? (sorry..having an nfl moment).
back to the post. i appreciate this to the fullest. mostly because i’ve said here and in real life, that the socialization of little girls and boys is the real cause of all adult relationship problems between the 2…
that being said, you growing up feeling the same way that girls are conditioned to think its very eye-opening. maybe we’re not so different after all. hmmm.. deep thoughts. jack handy.
i presume you usually write from the heart, but this is the first post from you that i felt. (keep in mind i’ve only been a vsb’er for a under a yr).
so kudos, e-hugs and shyt.
i presume you usually write from the heart, but this is the first post from you that i felt.
thanks. i dont know. this was a strange entry for me to write because usually when i write about my past experiences, its in more of a self-deprecating hyperbolic manner. i don’t remember the last time i actually said something about myself without any snark or asides.
so, yeah. it was from the heart and sh*t
i don’t remember the last time i actually said something about myself without any snark or asides
me neither. lol.
but for real, its nice to read.
Awww Champ getting all warm & fuzzy & sh*t. Seriously I appreciate your raw honesty of this piece. It’s a nice balance to your “self-deprecating hyperbolic manner”.
Hey Champster! Yeah I thought this post was very candid of you.. It touched me and sh*t (not like that lol)
By the way, I just saw the Godfather for the first time, like, a few weeks ago.. *Runs for cover from e-stoning*
I’ve never seen it. Read the book tho’.
the book is better
The book is definitely better, paints a picture the movies really couldn’t contain fully. But the first two are definitely classic.
Yeah…the book is awesome. I like the Silician and Omerta too. RIP Puzo.
“i realized we weren’t who i thought we were.”
Crown ‘em.
Side question: Has there ever been a worse performance than Sofia Coppola’s in The Godfather: Part III?
@P
great minds!
CO-SIGN Sofia’s “performance”. Especially that “no Dad!” line. UGH, For real? If your pops wasn’t the director you wouldn’t have made it on the lot. She hasn’t gotten better over the years either.
Yussssss! I couldn’t help thinking that either!
Fun Fact: Sofia Coppolla was actually like the third-place candidate for the role; Rebecca Schaefer was supposed to be cast, but was killed shortly before filming. Winona Ryder was also considered, but she took the role in Edward Scissorhands instead.
(I’m a Godfather trivia junkie by default, because my mother’s obsession with Mario Puzo & Al Pacino. she secretly wishes she were Michael Corleone’s bastard black daughter)
I never knew that! I can’t even get through the Godfather III it was so off. & ” she secretly wishes she were Michael Corleone’s bastard black daughter” is hilarious! My sister STILL swears she’s part of the family! haha and that she woulda killed Fredo, too.
SO had to de lurk for this one. We are so >< and I don't even know ya'll. Godfather junkie b/c of my mom (who would rape the hell outta Michael Corleone given the chance) and Godfather III was the most horrific thing I ever saw. I love I & II but damn if III isn't the Fredo of the trilogy.
@ Nicolllleee IDK about killing family, but Fredo's dumb a$$ made me rethink that option. He lost me when he fumbled and dropped the gun in the first one and sealed it with his straight crying ("I'm smaaht") back in Lake Tahoe in num 2. No fool, Forrest Gump had more brains than you. **Rant is now over**
I’ve never been closer to being homeless in my entire life than the moment I told my mother I had never seen any of the Godfather movies.
Fortunately, my brother-in-law had the trilogy, so instead of being disowned I was just banished to the basement until I watched them all.
BTW am I the only one that said “Hell Naw” when Michael went back to Kay? I mean he was in the states for a year before he even said something. I was thinking, “shiddd, he would have some serious splanin to do.”
I hated Kay but I thought Diane Keaton did a good job. There was never a connection with her and Michael, just expectations that he would never become his father. I remember feeling bad for her slash p!ssed at her at the last scene. Really you gon just accept it! She finally grew a pair on II.
She def grew a pair, but even then I was like “What?” She was acting all brand new, but she knew from the get go what his family was about. On top of that, she showed up at the house to give Mike a letter and Hagen told her (in a nice way) that the ishit hit the fan and Mike had to dip. I heart Diane Keaton though, great role but you are 100% right about the chemistry between Kay and Mike was blah. Better than Fredo’s wife though and that Chris Brown hubby of Connie’s.
IDK where my reply is so im gonna post it again.
She grew a pair, but I got pissed b/c she acted all brand new like she didn’t know.
1. B4 they got married, she showed up at the compound to give Make a message. Hagen said hell to the naw b/c it could seem like he knew where Mike was.
2. She knew what the family’s job was.
3. Oh she could read the newspapers, I know she saw that piano-playing montage like the rest of us.
Diane played the hell outta that role and even though you are 100% right about the chemistry between her and Mike not there. A thousand Kays beats Connie’s husband Chris Brown and Fredo’s wife. (Fredo can’t win for losing, as my granny used to say.
“Has there ever been a worse performance than Sofia Coppola’s in The Godfather: Part III?”
hmmm. i think her cousin (nic cage) is actively trying to get that crowd in every movie he’s in. seriously, its gotten to the point that every time i see him, i expect him to turn to the camera and say “you know, they paid me for this already. you don’t have to stay and watch the rest of this. go home and make a nice dinner”
http://tinyurl.com/knowingcage
I swear Nic Cage is THEE worst!!! I don’t know (well I do) how he keeps getting those roles.
On a redeeming note, Sofia is a good director.
Oooh child, she was awful. Too glad when that movie when off. That whole movie was a disappointment.
she was garbage in that role. i saw that movie when I was 10, and knew it then.
That Nic Cage keeps getting roles because he’s a Coppala….too bad Montana Fishburne wasn’t paying attention
Great post champ. Love at first sight/butterflies/fireworks all of it is a crock of ish. You dont know anything until you really get to know the person(not just a good screw but personality).
Love at first sight/butterflies/fireworks all of it is a crock of ish.
lol, see, i didn’t mean to say that it was a complete crock of ish, just that you’d be a fool to base your happiness potential on it’s existence. some people do win the lottery, though
“some people do win the lottery, though”
I did
Since I love GF1/2 this post is fantastical. That’s the beauty of Michael and Appolonia, her sudden death left so many unanswered questions. Sadly, I can relate to that situation. *sigh* Ol’ non actin’ Sofia Coppola prolly still woulda hooked up with Andy Garcia though, I believe…lol. Can’t say that I blame her, cuz he was looking RIGHT in that movie.
The butterflies are real, but in my experience it’s best to acknowledge them, but still tread lightly. When you get swept up too fast, you end up at the drive thru wedding chapel at 3am.
“When you get swept up too fast, you end up at the drive thru wedding chapel at 3am.”
or proposing to a person you havent slept with in 5 months #thingsthatactuallyhappenedinreallife
*singing* You had it, you had it bad!!!
Damn Champie she must’ve had a n*gga sprung..
i wasn’t sprung. i was just stubborn. i refused to accept the fact that it wasn’t working how i thought it would, so i pushed ahead even further.
Sigh… i know the feeling all too well. Relationships suck. No they don’t, I love my SO. I just sometimes question whether I’m cut out for all this relationship stuff. Guys claim to be so simple yet they are just as, if not more, complicated than women.
“Butterflyz”-Alicia Keys +”Butterflies” Michael Jackson+Lust”–Fatty Koo + “7 Days”–Craig David somehow come to mind when reading this, I think some people have an “it” factor, like you just know it when you see it type of thing..idk but Love patient, kind, doesn’t boast..and is being able to put up with someones BS, not trying to change them, accepting them for who they are..I believe in Lust @ first sight.
o_0 @ Fatty Koo…
FATTY KOO was the most underrated reality tv group! was on BET!it was too many people sooo much talent it was like Black Eyed Peas meets City High Lucy Pearl Fugees, thats the best way I can describe ‘em that was pre American Idol when Making Da Band/Otown and Popstars was on..where are they know??!! I wonder what they could have been.. I remember one girl even played cello they were soo unique
I bought Fatty Koo’s CD. I liked it. I should pull it out; its been years.
Brutha are pretty underrated too. and those boys can sing!
**peeps head out of lurkdome*
Cheekie it never ceases to amaze me how often you’re first…there’s should be an award or something…
After reading and not commenting for months this is probably one of my favourite posts… It’s similar to the disney version of love that screws so many people over when they get into relationships. The idea that love is all rainbows and glitter and unicorns and skittles falling from the sky. That shit is work..HARD work and when those fireworks finish lightening up the sky….someone has to clean the mess up. If you’re not willing to stay behind to do that…then a relationship you wont have.
*back into lurker status*
yeah Disney/”FAIRYtales effed up the young female psyche, back 2 life back 2 reality (soul II soul).. WAKE UP(spike lee) I don’t want to get all cynical about romance/love but people fail to realize the reality and ups/downs of relationships….although i knew/know it’s make believe, needy princess/prince in charming, most of the disney princesses had no mother figure Ariel, Jasmine, Hoe I mean Snow White, Cinderella, Pocahontas, etc…funny pattern, but Princess Tiana had momma and daddy
It was decided (via a Twitter conversation) that Cinderella and Tiana were not princesses (nor were Belle and Nala). Just thought I’d throw that out there since we had this discussion just a couple days.
*I fell down on the side of them being Disney Princesses, but I couldn’t argue with the logic presented.
“It’s similar to the disney version of love that screws so many people over when they get into relationships.”
panama actually wrote about this exact concept (even using these exact words) a couple years ago. i remember it so vividly because it’s in the book
anyway, welcome and sh*t
*trippin’ out on Tru TV watching these fools steal cars on camera that cops set them up to take. “Bait Car”…”no officer, I was just gonna move it to the front.”*
True post, Champ. I wonder has anyone kicked someone they genuinely liked to the curb because they didn’t get butterflies? So sad, if they did. Of 3 of the major relationships in my life, only one out of the 3 gave me butterflies initially. Butterflies can definitely grow and come later. After getting to know a person and having our first day of spending time together romantically, then I got butterlfies. It can be the first time they touch you, the first time you kiss. Some times a nice simmer to build to the firworks/butterflies is great. Sometimes the interaction and shared exchange of really knowing a person provokes a higher level of connection. On that level just hearing that person’s voice in certain ways can create butterflies. Because it might not be immediate doesn’t mean its is not there, not coming or impossible.
@legit_soul
terrorist fist bump for this entire message.
@Keisha, Thanks, Lady! How was the birthday? I hope it was the icing on the cake after a great Caribana weekend
@legit (2legit2quit!)
the bday was frickin awesome. i found a gift card i hadn’t used to one of my fave stores, they were having 75% sale, went to din with my sis, found seasons 2-5 of the wire @ my fave 2nd hand bookstore (which they NEVER get/keep for long). and it was payday! dooble-vay-oh-oh-tay! (woot!).
Miss Keisha, did you buy a lottery ticket too? Cause I’m just sayin’! That all sounds fabulous and I am happy your birthday was great. Now when you win the lottery, lemme me hole’ twenny…LMAO!
Great post chica. The slow simmer is where it’s at. *like 2 turntables and a microphone*
Thanks, Miss T-Lee….I
Please know that ya’ll talkin’ about store bought chicken last post made me cop some. It was good too!
LOL!!
My Dad would be proud, another convert.
10000 points for the Beck reference, Twinny
True post, Champ. I wonder has anyone kicked someone they genuinely liked to the curb because they didn’t get butterflies?
i hear about people doing this all of the time. sh*t, i even did it once several years ago. f*ck the godfather
Yup, but it was the lack of butterflies for the entire year and a half. Felt nothing and I was constantly questioning why I was in this disaster of a relationship. Had to dismiss him…
Trizuuuu LS. *malibu hair flip* you can experience it later on. I’m so charged on dude, he can say something or even look at me in a way that has me all hot and tingly. I think that’s special to be past the honeymoom phase and still get butterflies or that weak feeling.
Of course big butterflies in your stomach are real. Or maybe it’s my lactose intolerance
LMAO @ lactose intolerance.
*takes tangent..my soul would hurt if i couldnt eat ice cream or cheese. like for real. lol.
I refuse to let lactose intolerance interfere with my ice cream or cheese eating. No one ever promised that every day would smell like lavender, gardenias, or roses.
LoL. Even if you can work with the “aroma” how do you manage the bubble guts and pain? They make pills for that! (And they work.)
The pills don’t work for me and neither does Lactaid milk, but products made with goat milk don’t bother me at all. Problem – they cost waaaay more than cow dairy
Is there any bigger fall off that the greatness that is Godfather 1 & 2 to the three hours of suck that was Godfather 3? Sophia C’s acting was so terrible, she immediately went behind the camera and stayed there and my brain is happier because of it.
Now, in terms of butterflies, they occur on some Kevin from the Wonder Years/Kid wanting Sidney from House Party/the “Shy Brother” routine from 5 Heartbeats sh*t but they aren’t worth it. Nope, all hype and no action. Like a CD you’ve been waiting for for YEARS to drop and when it does – utter disappointment.
Gotta ignore all those signs, ALL of them and merely go for surface value. She gotta earn this giddiness. A woman isn’t coming in my heart, snatchin’ my people up cause her greatness r*pin’ everybody out here.
*giggling @ the Antoine reference…starting to laugh as I remember the autotune song*
*singing* hide ya’ kids, hide ya wife, hide ya kids, hide ya wife.
*singing* we gon’ find you, we gon’ find you
Champ ran and told that to all his homeboys w/ this post.
I am dead weak at this!! Oh and for the record, Antoine gave me butterflies the minute I heard him speak. So run and tell that!
Homeboy! lol
Like a CD you’ve been waiting for for YEARS to drop and when it does – utter disappointment.
Hello, Detox!
Like a CD you’ve been waiting for for YEARS to drop and when it does – utter disappointment.
this is a good analogy
Butterflies sometimes are caterpillars crawling around in your lack of good sense. This made sense at some point, anyhoo… Butterflies are usually lust or just a really great first impression. And these butterflies are a ncie thing and the person you are with should be able to create them now and again in you. However, a butterfly or any other member of the insect class will not sustain a relationship in and of itself… it is just nice icing on the cake.
However, a butterfly or any other member of the insect class will not sustain a relationship in and of itself… it is just nice icing on the cake.
lol, you probably shouldnt mentioned insects and cake icing in the same sentence ever again. i get your point, though
So much that I ? about this post.
You sharing & sh*t with us this week, Champ.
Something about acknowledging the big “butterflies” lie was rather bittersweet for me…. like I was caging up 5 year old Hawaii yet, no longer so naive.
Something about acknowledging the big “butterflies” lie was rather bittersweet for me
how so?
Well, being the daydreamer that I am… I love the romantic fantasy of “butterflies” but to find out that it’s not real or that the guy is not the one leaves me sour and sadden.
Ok, regarding the Godfather…I really hope you haven’t ruined the storyline by revealing that Appolonia is killed. Between that and knowing that a horsehead ends up in somebody’s bed, I’m beginning to think I might have the highlights already. I’ll probably watch it anyway since I appear to be the only person who still hasn’t seen it. Apparently, from what I gather, watching these movies in addition to Scarface is the key to understanding the lyrics in 60% of gansta rap (do they still call it gansta rap or is that simply rap now-a-days?) Anyway…off to Jamaica, catch y’all next Wednesday if they don’t have wi-fi.
^Don’t worry…it’s more highlights in the films. Have a great trip
You’re awesome; thanks!
@caballeroso
have a great trip!
*sings one love and other uncle bobby chunes…
“Ok, regarding the Godfather…I really hope you haven’t ruined the storyline by revealing that Appolonia is killed”
lol, nah. this is a minor plot point. not really that crucial to the overall story
and, ummm, i dont know if i’m more shocked that you haven’t seen it yet, or that you asked me not to spoil a movie that’s 40 years old
Good post. I remember that Godfather scene and I, too, was bamboozled, lol. I love the idea of love at first sight and all that jazz and, even though I know it’s a load of crap, it makes for a good story.
I think the butterflies, fireworks, sparks, bolts, etc should happen throughout a good relationship. Sometimes your heart should skip a beat when you see your mate and realise that they are all you need and want. You might feel those flutters in your tummy when you see them after a while apart. It’s all excitement and you should have that at some point. That’s how you know that it hasn’t gotten “old,” IMO.
I think the butterflies, fireworks, sparks, bolts, etc should happen throughout a good relationship
do you think that a relationship can work (and be genuinely loving) without any of that?
I believe women are generally more attractive when I’m wearing beer goggles.
Then again, I don’t believe I can be “In Love” longer than a few hours.
Those awe struck by her beauty relationships usually start heading down the drain when the first serious conversation begins. (hopefully after the sex).
“Then again, I don’t believe I can be “In Love” longer than a few hours”
ummm, brian, i don’t think that’s love
Le Sigh.
I had to stop “dating” because I could not differentiate between butterflies and actually liking a guy!
People! I would force butterflies for a guy because I was lonely or needy and he met a basic need, even though he didn’t like me back, create in my mind/heart space affection, and then be so very hurt in the end when said butterflies floated the f^ck away.
I did this so many times. Ugh.
College was a beeyocth!
Beautiful post!!
What you shared was so honest. I respect that to the fullest and send e-hugs!
Thanks sweetumz!!! Girrrrrl!! I guess you just have to live and hopefully learn
how exactly were you able to “force” butterflies?
It’s like I don’t reeeealllly like a guy, he has some quality that everyone else likes or my best friend was dating his homeboy so naturally I’m supposed to date the friend (oh what a young mind!!!). So instead of keeping it moving, I look into his eyes, into his wardrobe, into where he goes to church or what he drives, or what he does for a living or SOMETHING and FORCE butterflies. Force myself to like him, and after awhile I believe it. But if chemistry was never there, if we weren’t vibin in the first place, then its like I make myself catch feelings, catch them, and then he walks away.
sigh.
So I had reverted to my lurking status but that mentioning of The Godfather has brought me out.
This movie is soooo amazing and genius. It’s crazy how Michael was sent to Sicily to protect him from the crime world in NY but it’s during his time there that he truly become the next don.
Which is like the butterflies. This feeling that supposedly represents the pure essence of love and all that glory may be that single event that completely alters how you perceive love. If you get the butterflies and it all works out or there is at least an amicable breakup, your perception of love at first sight remains. But, like most of us, if it doesn’t work out, we become a bit more jaded when love doesn’t step up and catch up to our desires. Instead of the butterflies being Prince Charming, it becomes the poison apple tempting Snow White. What would have happened if she just chucked that apple at the back of the queen’s head instead of taking that bite?
Hope this rambling makes sense, if not blame it on my sleepiness. Shall return in the morn!
I love the Snow White reference. lol but yes it can definitely cloud your judgement. Love and lust are two diff things and sometimes wear the same clothes.
EXACTLY,Bougie Fruit, your entire second paragraph just about sums it up. I still believe in those kinds of connections, although it didn’t work out with dude but even to this day if I were to see those people, they would still elicit that charge..just the nature of that connection.
“although it didn’t work out with dude but even to this day if I were to see those people, they would still elicit that charge..just the nature of that connection.”
is this a “connection” or just nostalgia?
a connection, my memories ain’t all that sweet/rosy unfortunately. LOL
.just the nature of that connection.
We are here ><.
word. great post. tricks are for kids and a lot of those butterflies and sparks are too. way to get grown on this one.
AGE has absolutely nothing to do with it, smh. matter fact children are too young to truly comprehend, you can be elderly and feel that charge, LOL!!!!
Hands down this site has some of the best writing out of any blog on the internet.
Great Post!!
thanks and sh*t.
I’ve experienced butterflies on quite a few occasions. I can’t say that I’ve ever experienced the reverse…where butterflies come into the picture after having been with someone for a while.
While upfront butterflies give you hope that the relationship will be all that, a bag of chips, some pig lips, a chicken wang, and mint so your breath won’t stank, it usually serves to set you up for one more huge disappointment since no one could possibly live up to the fantastic expectations that your mind’s creativity will conjure up and set as the standard of performance, thereby pushing you towards losing faith in the possibility of such a great relationship based on the menace of the years from life experiences with which you’ve dealt in this regard. Cynicism soon becomes your companion, much like those empty bottles of cognac, and your own shadow that turns on you and follows you to haunt and taunt you – laughing at your persistent failures at love.
This type of butterfly effect can serve to give you a new-found appreciation for cultures with arranged marriages, because in the most simplistic sense of said arrangement (not the more modernized,
Americanized versions where the two know and interact with one another long before the marriage occurs) there exists no preconceived notion of what’s to come. Rather than starting at a point of love (infatuation) that so easily slips into a den of depression from unrealized expections of love, you instead, come to know the person in this union, discover the person for the marvel that she truly is, and slowly begin to look forward to the possibilities that this fresh start has afforded you…God will have smiled upon you. She becomes the rising sun that gradually brightens your day rather that the shooting star that encourages you to wish upon it, only to watch it quickly disappear with all your wishes, hopes, and dreams.
I believe that a love that grows from coming to know a person is much greater than a love which springs forth from infatuation. Whether such a love can result in butterflies remains to be seen, but would be a welcomed guest.
Hi Cab I agree but wanted to add this. I think everyone goes through the initial butterflies stage and then the disappointment stage. That is the reason for the heavy arguing in the first year being the toughest. First you are all excited, it’s new and euphoric. Then your expectations are high. Then the person does/says something to disappoint you. Then comes the arguing because you are only now starting to really get to know each other…and each other’s flaws. If you make it through this and you are right for one another, you will truly last. If not, you break up and comment on VSB about butterflies not existing. lol
Nah can’t say that I experienced this with every dude…really only one.
What you describe SFG is simpy the beginning, when everything is shiny and new, does not equal butterflies tho…..
Did you read my comment? I was referring to the beginning and then I describe what follows. Of course you wouldn’t experience that with every guy.
you said “everyone goes thru a butterfly stage” ?!? no?
a new beginning does not necessarily equate to butterflies,,, and there are racks and racks of folk who have never been there period *orange crush shrug*
I see what you’re saying now. I guess butterflies isn’t the word since it appears to be diff for everyone. The lusties? idk. *fox shrug*
“I think everyone goes through the initial butterflies stage and then the disappointment stage.”
see, i dont know if this happens with every relationship. it seems like the best ones are more of a slow burn to a steady peak. you’re describing peaks and valleys
True. It’s not always that dramatic. I love your posts lately. I heart Champ t-shirts should be made.
Cosign SmartFoxGirl! I do think there is a point when you get to see behind the curtain of another person so to speak, and you realize one of two things 1)this person isnt what I thought/expected/fantasized and I’m out; or 2)this person isnt what I thought/expected/fantasized but I’m interested in knowing more. In dating there is always a certain level of projecting your own feelings and experiences on another person. It seems like people subconsciously are trying to see where someone fits into the pattern of their life and in doing so compare and contrast from their own ideals and history. Once you get past all that though, I totally believe there is room for actually accepting the person that you have as they are, and that’s where the real butterflies kick in.
I remember that when the father of one of my friends passed away, his mother said that over their 40 year relationship, she fell in and out of love with him thousands of times. I always thought that was dope. They clearly maintained a love for each other consistently through the years. And while the in love–you make my heart pitter patter-feeling would ebb and flow, they were always able to come back to the butterflies. Beautiful.
Champ–great post! I have been reading for awhile but this one really compelled me to respond. Thanks for the food for thought.
You’re welcome! I always say this. I want to be married to a man that even after decades have past, he still gets that warm feeling for me. It does exist.
Agreed Smart Fox. That “in love” feeling is temporary. The real LOVE that comes after (if you decide to stick it out, because love is a CHOICE, not a feeling) is what creates a real foundation. I have been tempted to throw my S.O. out of a window from time to time but real talk…I’d just have to find someone else to do this thing with…rinse, lather, repeat.
So, he remains and so do I. I got butterflies when I met him. I still have them, but it’s not the same. Not bad, just not the same. I realize that he’s just a man, with flaws, faults and good qualities.
“She becomes the rising sun that gradually brightens your day rather that the shooting star that encourages you to wish upon it, only to watch it quickly disappear with all your wishes, hopes, and dreams.
this is poetic and shit
that kinda touched me too..
Agreed. Poignant and poetic.
Wow champ, your really opening up your Vishuddha and Anahata gates there. I just read yesterday post, thanks and sh*t for talking about the positives in a relationship.
Your so right about appolonia “portrait” as the fairy tale love. This post reminded my about this season’s the bachelorette finale. That episode alone define “butterflies moment”. I’m not sure if anyone else here seen it but, it was a play-by-play fairy tale ending. Right down to the to “lonely nice guy looking at a rainbow”
“your really opening up your Vishuddha and Anahata gates”
You ain’t gotta cuss at the man like this. Oh you not cussing? Aight then. (-__-)
*taps mic*
*clears throat*
Butterflies are for suckas!
*drops mic*
*moonwalks out to “Starting Something”*
it would have been much more ironic if you moonwalked to “butterflies”
I’ll have to watch the movie and come back to really appreciate the post and the comments…so far behind.
*presses play*
“Everything is cool….when looooooooove is alllll brand neewwwwwww”
“Well, I guess I’m just, caught up in the newness….but truth be told I think she is the oooooooooooone, even though, I know ( I know) It’s just the neeeeeeeeeeeewness”
Sorry, let me turn my iLife down. My soundtrack is a little too loud right now…carry on.
I’ll have to watch the movie and come back to really appreciate the post and the comments…so far behind
you don’t have to, really. that scene is applicable to any screen depiction of the thunderbolt/butterflies
“I always wondered what would have happened if appolonia didn’t die in that explosion. would michael have stayed in sicily? would he have left the family business for good?”
—Exactly! I also pondered these questions…
I think that moment’s suppose to show us Michael’s softer side. The side he shared w/ Kay. Once Appolonia died apart of him died; it was time for him to grow up. When he return to America he was a different man(more serious) and he began his evolution to become “the Godfather”.
But yea “the thunderbolt” is totally true and totally false all at the same time! I think that it is apart of growing up and realizing that theres more to life than immature emotions.
Ohh, this post was excellent. I’ve always been the big eyed dreamer. Growing up on movies like Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast didn’t help either, so I have been expecting this perfect, idealized relationship that never comes to fruition. It all makes sense now.
My mama used to say that hollywood done spoilt people in regards to love and i do agree with her, the whole love is blind and butterfly sh*t needs to die, butterfly turn to some wierd stuff. Such stuff sets us for failure mainly because no one could ever live up to that expectation.
I never watched godfather I should make a date and watch it.
Champ, I must say this was an excellent post and you could hear every beat of the heart behind every written word. I’ve been singing the proverbial “Butterflies” song for far too long in far too many of my relationships. All it takes is a slick-talking smooth-walking soulful brotha to walk past my way before I get that first-drop-down-hill-on-a-rollercoaster feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then…all it takes is a 5 minute conversation to realize those butterflies were a load of garbage when I find out that same dude is just an unemployed college drop out with a creative side.
Now, butterflies are a caution sign for me. They’re meant to bring joy for a fleeting moment, but if I’m still smiling hours after they’ve left my presence, than I know it was someone worth remembering.
Humans, your mating rituals are so bizarre I am surprised your species has managed to survive for so long.
Great post.
Actually, I adore that part in the film. It’s the way he looks at her all gooey eyed and in-love-looking *clutches heart and sighs * It’s the look of LOVE, or how I would imagine it to look. Al Pacino is a great at using his eyes to convey emotion!
But yeah, this shouldn’t always be used as a potential relationship yardstick. Put it this way – great things could come out of a relationship starting with all this ‘butterly fever’ but so could an extremely terrible relationship and one could wish they never even set eyes on the person. Don’t think it’s a fantastic foundation upon which to build a serious relationship on.
I know from experience that butterflies/initial attraction aren’t a necessary catalyst for a great relationship. I met my 1st love through a mutual friend and initially I thought he was a cool but I had zero romantic interest…until months later when he kissed me for the 1st time. It felt like my spine had been electrified and things were on from there! We didn’t work out long term but it was wonderful while it lasted and he’s still the benchmark for what I’m looking for in a man. Lust and chemistry are great (and absolutely necessary) but they fade if you don’t have friendship as a foundation.
Also, Champ between yesterday and today I feel like I’m learning so much about you! You’ve been especially transparent this week and I’m loving it. Keep up the great work
I cosign this: Lust and chemistry are great (and absolutely necessary) but they fade if you don’t have friendship as a foundation.
Life and growing up taught me this. My ex and I had crazy chemistry and the lust was through the roof but we argued alot. It wasn’t until we learned to build on our friendship that the arguing decreased. Now he’s my best friend but we are 300 miles apart and not together. Such is life but I learned alot. You have to have a solid foundation. You and humble one should meet up already.
“you don’t build on the butterflies, you build to the butterflies”
**stencils this on coffee mug**
I guess I’m the odd (wo)man out in this post. I believe in all of it, butterflies, the thunder bolt, love at first sight, happily ever after…my thing is I don’t believe it’s effortless, or faultless, or blind. Nor do I believe that these things stop or should after that first jolt but your discernment and responsibility is to know who you are and how to react to it.
My life is my fairytale and I am the sole author of it.
My life is my fairytale and I am the sole author of it.
I like this…
I agree Smiley Face..doesn’t mean your in some sort of dellusion or alternate reality, just means they enchant you honey, and someone can enchant you and it be real and lasting. Rare but true!!!!
My life is my fairytale and I am the sole author of it.
Pretty much.
“you don’t build on the butterflies, you build to the butterflies”
This needs to be on a billboard.
Or a t-shirt. Or Both.
Sounds good but It doesn’t work that way SMH
Butterflies are overrated…that will never ensure a relationship will last..thats for sure. It’s a good start..but, after that the real work begins.
Good post, Champ.
My personally I don’t believe in butterflies. Never did. I would never even consider getting serious with a woman until I felt that we were past that infatuation stage.
In my mind, idolizing anyone will eventually lead to a serious let down.
I agree you have to work up to feeling like you can’t do without someone, that feeling isn’t there from the start.
definitely well stated, but I think it’s based on the couple. Honestly, the length of a relationship is not some milestone of accomplishment to me. A good successful relationship seems like the ability of one person to put up with another persons bullsh*t…I mean shortcomings and flaws.
why the title change champi?
he does this all the time. drives me nuts.
he still writes the best posts ever tho!
You don’t need butterflies and fireworks in order to say it’s true love but they do exist. I will say you realize you love the person in a BAM, slap you in the face feeling. At least for me. I never forget we were walking and stopped to get into our convo. I was saying something to him (can’t remember) that made him laugh and then he just stopped and started staring at me. I can’t describe the stare but it made me feel weak
and moistand light like. He wouldn’t stop staring at me so I said “what??”…I never forget he said “i want you”. I’m like O.O. He says “I want you in my life. I inlove you”. I felt hot heat no lie. I knew I loved him too but I was waiting for him to say it. He got real close to me grabbed me and kissed me that made me feel AWESOME. It does exist. You just don’t need it and you should experience it at least once.” I will say you realize you love the person in a BAM, slap you in the face feeling.”
I couldn’t agree more. For me it just happened one day when I was sitting at my desk thinking of the person. I was thinking “d@mn, I’m all caught up (in a good way).” I feel like the “butterflies” catch by surprise over time as the relationship progresses and you realize just how blessed you are to have that person in your life.
Yeah when you catch yourself daydreaming and thinking about them alot, that’s a sign. You feel lucky almost.
@Dee
Good convo + good sex = love. I really do think so. I love to be there with someone mentally.
@Cris
Thanks! I eat peach oatmeal every morning for breakfast. I love it.
Awwwww…..
Yeah I agree with the ‘when’ moment. It’s always because he’s said something ‘smart’ and made me realize I could talk to this person for a while. For me, being able to talk is the most important thing….it’s up there with sex.
Your post made me all weepy. Great story.
<—returns to lurking & her oatmeal
awww.
i wish i could share things. lol. i’ve directed too many people to this blog. lmbo.
but that’s a lovely story. i know the feeling.
This post was on point.. that’s all..
I’ve never had butterflies happen to me..
#SuchIsMyLife
Butterflies..
I love em and I hate em. I spent my life chasing them. I thought I found them a few times. While I was admiring the butterfly I caught, there was a tsunami on the horizon.. but I didn’t see it. This happened a few times before I realized not to go chasing butterflies in the direction of the tsunami.. And just to complicate this metaphor more, there’s a ninja in there somewhere..
Anyway, this is similar to the idea of living hard and fun, or living slow and average. If u find butterflies, they’re gonna be dead by the end of the week.. and that shit is gonna hurt. If u look for something more reasonable.. like a rock.. Well, that shit will be there till the end of time, but it’s not as exciting. Either way, watch out for ninjas.. They want to decapitate you..
This read like a poem. They want to decapitate you? Like drive around with your wang in our glove compartment? or de-man you? Lmao. Love aint a battlefield.
Jordin Sparx
Oh noes!!!
Jordin’s version sux, gotta go with the Pat Benatar.
Yeah I was thinking of Pat. lol
*memory goes straight to the video with a young Pat belting out “We Are Young!…”*
And just to complicate this metaphor more, there’s a ninja in there somewhere..
That’s hilarious.
But I totally feel the sentiment of your post… Some people are built for excitement even if short lived (points to self) and some can manage being quietly happy and steady. (not I)… So it’s a matter of finding what works for you and making sure it absolutely works for you… or else, a few hearts will be broken…
Bruh, I kno this phrase is about two years past relevant but thats some “real talk” right there. This post just made me re-evalutate my approach to my relationship. And I’m married and ish.
The one part I do not agree with is the butterflies WILL come, NAH son not hardly, if you get with someone and ya’ll match up pretty good or whateva, its a good relationship but you never experienced that rush of excitement with them, that electricity electricity(school house rock!!), thats not something that just shows up, even if you love the person and are exremely found of them. its a totally different kind of dynamic..don’t sell dreams young LLS!
Your avi is making me smile
!
@The Champ,
You’re just now learning this? You’ve probably got about 5-6 years on me. What’s going on here?
This is an issue I’ve been struggling with badly for about the last 3 years. Off the top of my head I’ve deaded like 3 or 4 “relationships” with girls who were cute, cool, and very into me, all because I didn’t necessarily go to sleep at night dreaming of them.
I think in my case this happens because I didn’t date much during my teenage and college years. I was basically on the bench, watching other people learn how to push up, how to date, what to expect from dating and what not to expect.
When you get that late start like I did, all you know is the fantasy and the dream (not the radio killer). The fantasy starts to feel good and it becomes easy to mistake it for real, tangible joy. It’s like a drug – you become addicted to it, and anything short of that fantasy-joy is whack and insufficient.
That’s why I advocate that teenagers and young people date and talk to the opposite sex, especially boys. You need to learn about the reality of dating early, make your mistakes, learn the ropes, etc., so that when the real game starts in adulthood, you know what’s up and you can make better decisions and have your mind be right.
I def agree with you here. I was a late dating bloomer and it totally messed me up. i feel like I would have been way smarter in the game had I been dating (or trying not to hide my dating lol) early on. It’s like i was afraid of boys my entire childhood, and then my 20s dating suuuuucked lol.
I believe there are different types of butterflies and some are more meaningful than others. The physical butterflies, I haven’t felt since maybe middleschool or highschool. I associate that with more infatuation and lack of experience with the opposite s3x. As an adult I have yet to feel these physical butterflies, because I think my brain filters and process the relationship/interaction to the extent that it couldn’t as a young teenager. I can say that I have recently had more of a emotional and mental (cognitive, for the neuroscientist out there) butterfly effect, which seems to be more long lasting and meaningful in a relationship. It goes well beyond the physical nature of the relationships and far past the first few months of courting. Honestly, I can’t explain it, but it exist because I feel a pull when I’m near or far from my SO. I always think of the Usher song “Caught Up.” (That might not be the title but it is definitely in the lyrics.)
That’s a good way to define butterflies. I can get the butterflies watching Boris Kodjoe in soul food. It all has diff meaning.
I feel the same way (about Boris). I think it’s a mix of hot flashes, heart palpitations, and the shutters than the butterflies.
Honestly, I can’t explain it, but it exist because I feel a pull when I’m near or far from my SO.
A pull is the exact way to explain it… It’s like magnetism and gravity all rolled up into one… but it’s also peaceful and calming.
First, that part of the movie bores me. Seriously, if I wanted to watch a romance, I would watch the Notebook. However, I agree that the scene proves your point perfectly. Michael stopped dead in his tracks as soon as he saw her, and knew he wanted to
have $exmarry her. It was a beautiful thing.I believe in butterflies, thundebolts, love at first sight. However, none of those things can ensure you have a successful relationship. The problem begins when people allow butterflies to do the work in keeping the relationship strong. I think if the relationship is good, then your S/O should always make you feel butterflies. The butterflies don’t die, they multiply.
Question: Does being mesmerized by the “D” (and overlooking an epic failure of a relationship) the same as having ‘butterflies’? #thingsthathappenedinreallife
Yes…it’s the “he goes so deep cause he knows me”
then turns into “i tink i lub hing”
Nah…I don’t think so. Being dyckmatized and having butterflies are two different feelings…LOL
@miss t-lee…true, but both are amazing things to experience!
Nope that’s not the butterflies AT ALL…. That’s being “dyc.kmatized”. Alexis.
damn why u gotta call out my gub-ment.. do i know u?
My theory is the less you know someone, the more capable you are of butterflies for that person. Once you get to know him/her, the veneer wears off and you see that he/she is a regular old person like you. It explains why I had consistent “butterflies” for the guys who were emotionally unavailable to me. I realized later in life that had they been more open and more available, I would have seen them for their true selves and might not have liked them at all. Sometimes butterflies are confused with the desire for something that you can’t have. At least in my case, they were.
PREACH!
very interesting.
you may just be on to something…
but what if the butterflies persist even after you know that person well, and know that they aren’t good for you logically?
that was my problem once upon a time.
@Muze
“but what if the butterflies persist even after you know that person well, and know that they aren’t good for you logically?”
You fell for a pimp or the dude with 7 kids and 6 baby momma’s
@Muze
Did you ever fully feel like that person reciprocated or where you always wanting a little bit more?
I ask because in my case, its that “little bit more” that I always wanted but couldn’t get that created the so-called butterflies.
This blog always has a knack for posting something just when I really need it. Loved it!
If you chase fireworks, all you’ll be left with in the end is smoke and useless bits of paper.
Great writing, as usual. I’m not one to pratice the most popular catch prhases, but “keep it in the middle of the road,” is appropriate for the pursuit of a relationship. Grow butterflies!
thanks for spoiling the godfather for me. hmph.
I never thought I NEEDED butterflies, but I definitely have gotten them before and used them as my compass to guide me by determining if a relationship was meant to be or not. Basically, if a relationship or situation was going bad, I’d deduce that I needed to stick it out, because I had butterflies and butterflies are all-knowing.
Yeah and butterflies stay getting me in trouble.
I guess butterflies used to drive the logic of my mind, and then over the years, I realized my butterflies are often not on the same page as my brain. And that’s ok. Knowing is half the battle.
This speaks to the post you wrote two weeks ago about liking someone being a CHOICE. I don’t think it’s a choice. My butterflies are usually doing the choosing, and they’re not very smart; they’re often what my flesh & shallow mind desires despite what my heart & mind really want and desire. I want butterflies but now I let my brain override any butterfly decisions. I am more at peace that way.
P.S. i luv you champster and you write the best posts ever
@Liz
“P.S. i luv you champster and you write the best posts ever”
I think I will help my fellow CLC f/ Sub3 member from under the bus he was just thrown under. Lol.
Ha. I know nothing of what you are referring to!
See, i have always had the opposite experience… Most of my serious relationships (except the current one) were brain-based decisions. The guys were nice, great on paper, handsome and enamored… There were little to no butterflies to speak except for the warm knowledge that I would be cared for (for the most part)… so it was… nice. Middle of the road nice… I attempted to go all the way in one case and just.couldn’t.do.it. Like Orange Star said above, I just couldn’t “build to” the butterflies… no matter how much I tried. Maybe the term is not butterflies in this case, maybe I just didn’t love him… but really, really liked him.
So depending on who you are, the no-butterflies solution might not necessarily be the best one…
Yeah this is where Champ’s theory breaks down. If butterflies aren’t there, they are likely not to show up after the fact either. I’ve never had butterflies appear later. I just think butterflies are lust and in some sense lusting isn’t the best motive in figuring out who to be with in the end. I’ve had men grow on me over time, but not to the extent where I have butterflies everytime they call or walk into the room. In the end, I don’t let my butterflies rule, if they’re there at all.
I see what you mean though. I once (or maybe a few times, who knows) was with someone because I couldn’t find anything wrong with him. I mean, they didn’t give me butterflies at all, and he wasn’t ugly but he wasn’t super fine either; he did “everything right” (calling me all the time, came to see me, took me out all the time, etc.). Even though there were no butterflies I stuck around because my brain said, oh this is a good thing. Sort of. My intuition told me something else, and my intuition was right lol. Either way, I vowed to not get too clinical in thinking about my own matchmaking because that doesn’t work either lol.
so, i LOVE this post. i think i’m going to email it to myself and then email it to everyone else i know. such truth.
i’m a BIG believer in sparks and butterflies, but you have a point. building to butterflies is more realistic and usually creates a stronger and more lasting bond than the ‘ithinkthisisloveatfirstsight’ type of attraction.
great great job Champ.
p.s. your ex-fiancee story is almost identical to mine. this does explain why you feel the whole ‘sleeping with him too soon will make him not like you’ theory is bullish too. lmbo.
Hmm.. i loved this post but i do have to disagree with the nic cage comment! I have in all honesty, witness some roles that weren’t his best pick. (or maybe he could’ve done better with the role) Nevertheless, I like his weird, predictable sort of style =)
Hmmmm I never thought about it this way. Actually I always say that I’m waiting for that guy with whom I feel a deep connection with & who gives me butterflies. I know what it’s like to feel like I have a special connection with a guy & before I’d experienced that I didn’t know what I was missing.
I would like guys but never fully give myself to them and I thought that it would be damn near impossible for I guy to get past my walls and into my heart. Only one did and we had those butterflies going on even though it didn’t work out. LOL Although I think you have a valid point Champ, I still want the connection. Maybe if I were to settle for a guy that didn’t give me butterflies I wouldn’t be single now. LOL *shrugs*
Yeah, those damn butterflies and thunderbolts. They make people do stupid, stupid, STUPID things resuscitate a dead things or keep something around that’s no good.
There is less than a handful of women that made me feel this way. I knew they weren’t good for me so I kept my distance. I get criticized sometimes for being emotionless or robotic but keeping my “butterflies” in check has saved me a lot of grief and embarassment. I think a real long lasting relationships happen after getting to know someone for a while. I didn’t have butterflies for my ex instantly. In the beginning all butterflies are are lust, newness, fantasy, and not knowing that person.
Not true! Not true! Not True!
If your birthday falls on a Monday, do you dread it, or look foward to it? My point is, a lot of this shyt is in the mind. If you want to have a good day, wake the hell up, turn your cable to the throwback jamz station, get yourself together and have a great day. I have been with my dude for 2 years ( we got engaged June 26 ) and I still get excited.He is 41 years old, never been engaged, and never been married. I think one of the reasons why I still get excited about having him in my life, is because I appreciate him. Even when he is getting on my last dayum nerve, I am not trying to take those moments of “trash” and let it be someone else’s treasure. I am grateful for him, and I let him know it. I still get excited when he tells me he will be home early. I still can’t believe that this man, this tall, handsome, sexy, georgous smile havin’, smart, grounded brutha actually thinks that I’m the shyt! I think sometimes, we can oversaturate realistic views of a relationship, through too much experience, or sometimes not enough experience. I think I got lucky, and found a man that wanted what I wanted, and understood the fact that no one is perfect.
you don’t build on the butterflies, you build to the butterflies.
Whispers “amen”, sighs and sht.
“you don’t build on the butterflies, you build to the butterflies.”
I tried to tell Kenya Moore and Melyssa Ford that but they weren’t trying to hear it.
@Humble…was this before or after the restraining order?
@Jai
“was this before or after the restraining order?”
This was before the restraining order but after they found me hiding in the bushes at both of their houses.
Just a little PSA…I just read a story about 6 black teens from Shreveport LA that died in a river today because they didn’t know how to swim. It’s high amongst our people for the obvious reasons. If you have a child, teach them to swim or look up free lessons by the city.
YES! I read about some children drowning in either MS or Louisiana yesterday. They cousins who couldn’t swim went in to save their drowning cousins. Teaching children to swim is VERY important. I don’t know why we don’t teach our kids. My parents made us learn at the young age of 3.
I was a fish growing up but we had a pool. Many black children do not nor do they have access to a pool at all. It’s something for the priviledged unfortunately. I just prayed for this family as it hurt my heart. We must find a way to teach our kids. My dad threw me into the pool when I was 2 talmbout “PADDLE!”…that ninja was crazy.
Yes! It broke my heart to read that, especially since the parents stood on the shore and watched. I was so angry at them because who takes their kids to a lake and lets them get in if they don’t know how to swim? Underwater topography is a bia, you can be standing in 2 foot deep water one second, walk and inch and be standing in water 5 feet deep. Sad indeed.
BTW I’m a fish too and my kids will be fish also.
I feel like I always say this, but the posts always seem to get better and better. And they’re always real talk.
You sounded (read?) really earnest, The Champ.
The butterflies/lightening phenomenon are so overrated (not unimportant, just not the end all be all) all relationships take sustained energy. Energy being fed into them and thus produced. So the lightening you get struck with is the lightening you have to recreate constantly.
Addendum: how do I get an avatar
gravatar.com
i left those thunderbolts go on for 8 long years…and when i finally grew the f up i realized that he didn’t love me at all – he actually hated me. there is truly a thin line. martin lawrence.
I believe in butterflies (I’m a sucker for love). There are people that make you feel that tingling sensation…no STD…and there are some that you will not feel the spark until you really know the person. The chemistry and the connection will vary between individuals. These feelings will not sustain a healthy relationship, only time and commitment will do that, but it is a great start. Even if the feelings don’t last, it is good to say that you experienced it (experiencing that good shyt right now
)!
Enjoy!!!
People keep saying you can create butterflies, build them or whateva but you cannot, even if you have decent chemistry with someone after getting to know them, you can’t create lightening in a bottle.
@Jai
Finally someone saying what I was saying! There’s a whole lot of debbie downers on her. I think mostly scorned or love lot. I believe in it. I’ve experienced it and everyone should at least once in their life. I feel tingly looking at your avi and for once I don’t want to know who/what that is. Lmao
Agreed…. and enjoy!
Champ, thank you for tackling the tough stuff! I agree wholeheartedly. Chemistry and attraction is important, but not enough to get started, nor is it enough to sustain you. I bet the same folks who fall for the lightening bolt also believe you can “accidentally” fall in love with people too. There’s always more to it than a glance or sparks… Mutual development and openness if it’s real.
umm most people esp men have to be attracted and have some type of chemistry and compatibility to get pass GO or one night or two. LOL but yes it does take much more sustain, like it takes more than love to make a thing go right, its the same thing!!!
@Orange star, definitely women too. (Me!)
You’re right, chemistry and attraction are must haves. As the post said, folks looking for a relationship (<–important distinction!) will need more than that to start building.
Sustainable is like the word of the day for the Nation: Housing/Building/Love/Economy/Jobs/Relationships…
I digress.
LOL, word and ORDER of the day indeed!!
I see what you’re doing champ. You’re basically doing what the networks do during Oscar sweeps. You pull out the big guns just in time for voting. Well sir, you have my vote. I waver, no more.
I won’t share too much today. Mostly because I forwarded the post to my SO, and though he’s already read it, he might peruse the comments.
I can’t tell you how timely this post is. I embody the principles of unicorns, butterflies and rainbows. I wear rose colored glasses ALL THE TIME. The SO recently asked me to take them off and really look at what we have. I maintained that there was no EXPLOSIVE element and that maybe we “weren’t meant to be”. I’ll spare you the commentary I received from him, but suffice to say, that I won’t be as close-minded about what love is and how it works. Your post validated that I have to continue evaluate how important “the Lie” is to my relationship and to my life. I’m not interested in chasing butterflies right off a cliff. Fireworks be damned.
If you have somthing good with someone it’d be crazy to sabotage or sacrifice that for unknown, for something you might not ever encounter. I wouldn’t call it a lie but to you, I’d say appreciate what you have!
I absolutely do. I’m amazed at what it is now. I just wasn’t sure if it was on some forever type stuff.. That’s all.
nothing new to add, just love the post!
Wow there was all type of prolific shit in this post! you managed to be honest and candid w/o being self-indulgent and dramatic…Dope.
anywhooo I wish I could relate to developing a fantasy filled ideal of relationships and love, I however had the opposite messages. I was pretty much taught that marraige is where a woman’s soul goes to die, and love was just a diversion from reality.
That being said Ive had the lightning bolt, thunder, and butteflies..all that shit before when I was 16. My first love. Guess I never questioned its authenticity because it was so unexpected. 10 years later, and I still have the same effects..whoda thunk?
Very good point indeed. Though i’ve never seen the Godfather and I’m kinda pissed you’ve ruined some of the story for me (yeah i know, how could i have not seen this movie…that’s not the point!) you bring up a very good point indeed. I’ve been in like, lust, and love, and still never experienced this so called butterflies or thunderbolt. Maybe it’s b/c i never this movie (and at this rate don’t see the point since you’ve dropped an epic piece of movie juice…her first cousin though…fukin’ gross!) that i never really subscribed to this nonsense. I’m a fan of good chemistry. I think he’s cute, he thinks i’m cute, and there’s a jene sais quois that doesn’t move mountains, but makes him memorable. or maybe it’s just been too long since i’ve seen the Notebook. I wanna be a bird!!
@ Nadette, Hi…The woman he falls for and marries is not his cousin. Champ was referencing something else
“you don’t build on the butterflies, you build to the butterflies”
I’m super late posting as usual. Stupid work responsibilities won’t let me be great…..but this right here is truth.
Another great post Champ.
I watched Laura Bush on Oprah yesterday and had a revelation…she met GW, thought he was cute, she was older and more inclined to settle down because of societal pressure and so they married after 3 months of dating! Yes 3 months!
No butterflies. No wild romance/courting. No Vera Wang Dress (she went and bought a skirt and a blouse for her wedding). They have been together since then and will probably die together.
It’s not about the butterflies. Never is. It’s about compatibility. Humans are destined to pair up. It’s how we we’re built. You might not want someone but you will need someone when you are older.
I also believe that no one ends up with their soulmate.
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