Lists, Pop Culture

The Apology: 10 Things For Which Hip-Hop Should Apologize

ludacris_mccain_apology

(Ya know, aside from all the social ills that so many people erroneously attribute to hip-hop.)

1. The Diplomats

They’ve singlehandedly crafted or perpetuated more horrendous trends than anybody: grown men wearing effeminate colors, looking dirty on purpose, “no homo”, non-sensical wordplay, etc.

And above all else, they are responsible for the ascent of Jim Jones who is responsible for everything wrong in the Black community. In fact, everything else on this list is Jim Jones fault.

2. Vibe Magazine

I may never get a mention by Danyel Smith after this, but for whatever reason, some people actually look to Vibe for hip-hop news and their WACK-AS-THE-F*CK Best Rapper Alive Tourney Bracket was the biggest miscarriage of justice since Dwight Howard’s technical for being happy to poo all over Verajao. Vibe owes hip-hop an apology for putting Bow Wow on the list and making Wale have to mother*cking play-in.

3. Diddy’s twittering

I think I hate Diddy right now and his million follower goal made me want to slap him with the Life After Death double album. By the way, I follow Diddy on Twitter. After all, Diddy is…hip-hop.

4. Oversensitivity, which is supposed to be the anti-thesis of hip-hop

If the kids look up to rappers, and rappers are acting like p*ssies, then our male offspring will presumably begin to act like p*ssies – which could clearly explain the uber-sensitivity that has been going around in the black community. The number one killer of black man is not diabetes, stroke, or heart disease.

It is lack of respect. The assumption of lack of respect comes from the overabundance of sensitivity and instigators wanting to witness the sensitivity. Sensitive thugs, you all need hugs.

B*tches.

5. Bad Nicknames

Gucci Mane, OJ Da Juiceman, Trick Daddy, Rick Ross (when the real drug kingpin Rick Ross is getting out of jail), Freeway (see Rick Ross), Papoose (what the f*ck is a Papoose anyway?), etc.

Because of hip-hop, a grown man can be referred to as Tangle Jig P Boo-Boo and nobody thinks twice about it.

6. Spencer Pratt’s burgeoning rap career

You know what, he doesn’t sound terrible. You know why? It’s because he’s mimicking every other craptastic rapper out nowadays. He sounds like the status quo. Somehow, his rap career became an actual possibility.

7. Pure ignorance

To wit:

XXL: One of the things that was eye-catching about the book was the graphical treatment, how some words are emphasized and bold and right in your face. It kinda reminds me of a book I’m sure you’re familiar with, Saul Williams’ “Said The Shotgun To The Head.” What was the reasoning…

Kanye (West) : You know what, I’m not familiar with no books. I don’t know no books, dead ass. That’s what we wrote in the beginning. I didn’t read 48 Laws [of Power], I never read “The Secret.” And Saul Williams is a good friend of mine, but I’m sorry…you know what? There are people who are genius designers that don’t know any other designers’ names.

Then again, he is the college dropout. So who am I to be surprised he “don’t know no books“?

8. Horrible and unintelligible slang

The best slang is obvious, not some over the top intentionally stupid stuff like some of the stuff that comes out of the (Father forgive me), Bay area. ESPECIALLY the Bay area. It’s gotten to the point where even black people don’t know what anybody is talking about anymore.

It used to be that when folks were making up shit, you didn’t have to spend weeks trying to learn it. It all made sense in the context of sentences or verses. To understand some rappers, you need to take a damn class. I already have 2 degrees so f*ck that very much.

Apologies are warranted.

9. Pink

The color, not the singer. Yes, The Dips hip-hop should apologize for introducing pink into hood culture making it possible for me to be held up by a guy wearing a ski mask and a pink polo shirt on it. This is a problem for me. I just don’t feel comfortable being robbed by a man in pink. I just don’t. This is Harlem’s fault. Lots of bad things come out of Harlem, if you think about it.

*shots fired*

10. Lupe Fiasco’s acclaim

Able lyricist with remarkably strange concepts at times (perhaps I’m not deep enough for him – I’m lying, you are full of sh*t if you thinks song about being a hamburger was deep), yet somehow, rap is so bad that people think Lupe is the next coming of Inspectah Deck’s first verse on “Triumph” which is by far one of the best, and most well known, verses in hip-hop (right after Rob Bases’s first verse on “It Takes Two”). Lupe is a beneficiary of wack times.

*****

So, for what else does hip-hop owe an apology??

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD 3

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://nrxtbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

    Gold fronts
    The liberal use of ‘baby momma’ in casual mainstream conversation
    Flavor Flav and his franchise of buffoonery on VH1
    Lil Kim’s face

    • http://www.yahoo.com lulu

      @Hostess,
      i cosign on Flavor Flav and the career New York has made out of it

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Hostess, baby momma is actually my third favorite word right after “scoliosis” and “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH”.

      by the way, i’m lying.

    • Gem-balaya

      @Hostess,

      omg i stumbled across Flavor of Love 3 the other day and the mere sight of that lil charbroiled dung beetle made cornea collapse. i was blinded for at least 43sec.

      • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

        @Gem-balaya,
        Yea how did Flav go from Public enemy “F John Wayne” to reality show wacknesss. I memba he tried ta bring tha white chick on stage wit PE and chuck wasnt havin it. Must be tha money.

        • Me fail english?

          @BLUNTBLAZER,

          I may be especially prescient but I always thought of PE as a motley crew and Flav as the jester. I mean even Griff and Chuck didn’t really seem to be in the same group but Flav always seemed clownish to me. I wasn’t shocked at all by the way he was on VH!

    • Dj

      @Hostess, number 5 you may just wanna google before you make your self look dumb
      A papoose (from the Algonquian papoos, meaning “child”) is an American English loanword whose present meaning is “a Native American Indian child” (regardless of tribe). The word came originally from the Narragansett. In 1643 Roger Williams’ recorded the word in his A Key Into the Language of America helping to popularize the word.[1]

      The term also sometimes refers to Cradle boards and other child carriers, which were used by Native American Indians and went by many names, but in the United States and the United Kingdom, the term papoose is used to refer to a child carrier. [2]

  • Gem-balaya

    To understand some rappers, you need to take a damn class. I already have 2 degrees so f*ck that very much.

    lmao i thought i was the only one!!! my kids at church look at me all kinda crazy and full of side eyes when i ask about certain indiscernible slang i hear in some whacktastic music. most times i can barely decipher the syllables let alone the actual meaning. fact: upon first listen, i didn’t even understand the words to my fave alarm ringtone “TURN MY SWAG ON”. then again, i was in the club and all the hoodrats and thug misses were screaming it at the top of their lungs and the noisejust infiltrated my cochlea and had me in disarray.

    • Lili

      @Gem-balaya,
      I will say that I am neither a hoodrat nor a “thug miss(es)”, but I sing along to that song in the club too! Not as feverishly as the aforementioned hoodrats and thug misses, but I do…

      • http://adopefiend.blogspot.com Dope Fiend

        @Lili, me too

        something something beeeeeeed
        turn my swag oooooonnnn yeaaa
        munamamama mirror amamamama gooood

        LMAO!

        • mssmtaylor

          @Dope Fiend,

          “something something beeeeeeed
          turn my swag oooooonnnn yeaaa
          munamamama mirror amamamama gooood”

          *Dead*

      • Gem-balaya

        @Lili,

        oh don’t get it twisted. now that i know (most of) the words i sing too– in the club, in my car, in my room while waking up lmao

        i got a question why they hatin on me??
        i got a question why they hatin on me??
        i ain’t did nuttin to em but count dis money
        and put my team on now my whole click stuntin”

        sad to say, i have also been known to get my bird walk on as well. *hangs head* i think it’s somethin in the water here in pgh…

        • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

          @Gem-balaya,
          reminds me of ePosse f*ckery…

          Hop up out the sheeeeeeedd.
          Put my rags onnnnnnnnn
          Take a look out at the field and say “Oh shyt.”
          Yeeeeeeeahh, I’m pickin’ cotton… oohhhhhhh!
          i got a question why massa beatin’ on me?
          i got a question why he whuppin on me?

          *snort*

          • Me fail english?

            @blackberry molasses,

            <<<<>>>>

            …and looking for this on limewire

            • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

              @Me fail english?,

              can’t. that’s a BBMo OR-IG-IN-ALE!

              Pinstripe Mafia Stand Up!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Gem-balaya, i’ll bet your church kids would think that cochlea is some kind of slang.

      • Gem-balaya

        @Panama Jackson,

        lol

    • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

      @Gem-balaya,

      Soldya boy is not slang it jus pure fukkkery

  • superwoman

    okay, i need to understand what exactly was going on in that photograph….

    mccain looks hilariously pained ….

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @superwoman, during the primary season, Ludacris made a song where he took some shots at McCain and Hillary Clinton.

      i’m sure somebody can find the song and share it since i’m too lazy to look, but it was pretty out of order as far as rappers battling politicians go.

      lol.

      • superwoman

        @Panama Jackson, oh yes yes, i remember this! barack shook his head sternly in disapproval, right?

        no need to share – the mere memory of it will suffice, thank you and happy weekend!

  • An Island

    “Up in them five star tellies sayin two mic rhymes
    be them average emcees of the times. ”

    Maybe not totally on point but hip hop has jumped the shark. By and large it’s formulaic, watered down, Diddyfied (unoriginal as f*ck and recycled), and devoid of any substance, and it’s being pushed by a bunch of @ssholes who, first and foremost, want to supplement their 401k’s and get their corporations started so they will be able to get into the same golf clubs and gated communities as the wealthiest americans). Hip hop needs to apologize for essentially abandoning the De Las, Brand Nubians, and KRS 1s, and under-promoting the MF DOOMs and Immortal Techniques, while forcing Diddy, Bow Wow, etc. down my f*cking throat. Hip hop owes us an apology for becoming little more than a long f*cking infomercial over beats.

    • Right Her

      @An Island,
      Amen!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @An Island, you know, perhaps mainstream hip-hop has abandoned many of those types of acts but there are lots of artists making the same quality of music as the pioneers you mentioned. hell, in DC we have cats like Oddissee, and there’s no dearth of quality MCs and producers out there.

      hell Kanye still makes good music, 808s notwithstanding.

      thing is, none of that is hitting the mainstream, which is interesting since NONE of those acts ever really saw much mainstream success, though selling platinum on some albums. Diddy took rap from the hood to the suburbs and then everybody was TRYING to make music strictly for the ‘burbs since they were spending money.

      btw, i don’t really care for Immortal Technique. dude can rhyme but for whatever reason, i never ever want to hear another IT song again.

      • Humble One

        @Panama Jackson,

        I agree. I like Immortal Technique I bought his CDs. I just cant listen to him for a long time. He can rhyme but like a lot of dudes that can rhyme he can’t ride the beat.

      • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

        @Panama Jackson,
        Oddisee is my folks

      • Me fail english?

        @Panama Jackson,

        I agree with you on Immortal Technique. I recognize and respect that he has exceptional talent. He just never interested me and I can’t tell you why.

        Other dope MCs that make me take naps:

        Scarface
        AZ

    • Dorian G.

      @An Island,

      You mad doggie?

  • Officer Ricky

    I don’t know if its just Harlem or straight up New York aggins. Everything whack in Hip Hop just seems to be magnified at one thousand trillion when you’re out here. Sorry to beat a dead horse but nuthuggin denim and a pair of ACG’s!!!! I cannot stand these buffons all looking the same!!

    Best damn post for Hip Hop week. Had me dying!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Officer Ricky, its just easier to blame Harlem. Harlem is responsible for Cam’ron, Jim Jones, Puffy, and Mase.

      just with those 4 names there’s A WHOLE lot to apologize for.

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

        @Panama Jackson,
        co-signage

  • Dat Chic

    1) BET- the funding of this station.. just wrong.
    2) Guys in Skinny jeans . some Hip Hop has become so imbarrasing, guys are trying to distance themselves from it. no baggy jeans/loose shirts, now its ankle crushing jeans, and your 9 YO sister’s blouse.
    3) Solja Boy- why the He!! do grown ass people sing along about Turning on their SWAG in the morning.

    While I’m at it, Flavor Flaves teef, CoCo’s camel hoe Toe, boots with the furrr, Three 6 Mafia, Kanye’s Caps lock, Equifax, and Gucci rags.

    IRS
    Hangnails

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Dat Chic, ya know, i’m not so mad at Soulja Boy. dude’s doing what he’s good at. stupid sh*t. but he excels at it like no other.

      and “turn my swag on” is some entertaining ass music. the beat bangs and its so horribly written, its borderline genius.

      “…aint did nothing to ‘em, just countin’ dis money…”

    • Gem-balaya

      @Dat Chic,

      3) Solja Boy- why the He!! do grown ass people sing along about Turning on their SWAG in the morning.

      cuz we can. we grown lol. in fact, i’m singing it aloud as i type…

      • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

        @Gem-balaya,
        My five year old like ice cube better.

      • Me fail english?

        @Gem-balaya,

        Right?!

        I don’t see what the beef with Soulja Boy is about. It’s not like before him people were rushing out to cop Pharaoe Monch and MF Doom. If you like deep music about nuclear fission and burnt up babies go buy it! My grown ass will bump whatever sounds good.

        *Hops up out the beeeeed*

        • V Renee

          @Me fail english?,

          I don’t get the beef with Souljah Boy either. Let that boy make his money.

          • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula

            @V Renee,

            And that’s the word!

        • shay_d_lady

          @Me fail english?, I don’t see what the beef with Soulja Boy is about. It’s not like before him people were rushing out to cop Pharaoe Monch and MF Doom. If you like deep music about nuclear fission and burnt up babies go buy it! My grown ass will bump whatever sounds good.

          *Hops up out the beeeeed*

          exactly!!! like Rocko said.. you just do you.. imma do me, Imma do me…..LOL

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            @shay_d_lady, wow, i think this is the first time EVER that Rocko has been directly quoted using his name.

            somebody call him and tell him he made it in life.

        • Gem-balaya

          @Me fail english?,

          yes indeed girl!!! you feel me!!! i mean i like deep music too. but erry now and then i like to be straight up ign’ant wit it. get my hood rat on. shhhoooo at the end of the day i’m gettin my doctorate REGARDLESS.

          • overit

            @Gem-balaya, i wish u had said IRREGARTLESS.

        • temps

          @Me fail english?, yea but NOTHING Soulja Boy makes sounds good it just get lots of spins so you hear it everywhere but it doesnt mean its good

    • miss t-lee

      @Dat Chic,
      1) BET- the funding of this station.. just wrong.

      I don’t know…before Bob Johnson sold the station to Viacom it wasn’t actually half-bad.
      I’m sure I’m just reminiscing since BET during the 90’s was pretty much the only place you were gonna see Black videos. That and the Box.

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

        @miss t-lee,

        **has wistful memories of Video Soul, Caribbean Rhythms and REAL Rap City…**

        Viacom is the DEBBIL.

      • Me fail english?

        @miss t-lee,

        Yeah I actually think BET is worse now. And not for any socially aware, “think of the children” reasons either. I just really, really hate the Hell Date midget

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @miss t-lee, naw, BET was on the way out before he sold it to Viacomm. He pulled the plug on video soul, news with ed gordon, teensummit, etc all personally for budget reasons.

        THEN he sold it to Viacom.

  • Madame Zenobia

    6. Spencer Pratt’s burgeoning rap career
    See also: Kevin Federline, Brian Austin Green

    7. Pure ignorance
    See also: Flavor Flav

    8. Horrible and unintelligible slang
    Fah sizzle dizzle I readizzle your postizzle and had to commizzle. (Trust me being in Iowa and surrounded my white folk anytime some new “slang” comes thru they love to try it out. They really just want to fit in.)

    Can I add:

    #11 – Redundancy
    See: “It ain’t trickin’ if you got it” can someone please count how many songs out in the last three to five years include this line?

    or

    The same person producing every song on every album in a 2-3 year span or everybody blatantly biting that “sound.”
    See: Timbaland, Pharrell, Lil Jon T-Pain

    #12 – Unpaid Product Placement
    See: Pass the Courvoisier, Swing Ya Rag, Blame it on the Alcohol, Any song mentioning Cristal or Tommy Hilfiger

    I don’t have beef with you telling us the stuff you like, but I’ve never heard of a white artist shouting out ANYTHING with they themselves getting some loot for it. In the words of Petey Pablo “Now I gotta give a shout out to Seagram’s Gin, ‘cuz I drink it – and they paying me for it.”

    That’s what I’ve got.

    PS – Panama, will you take may SAT for me????
    (I really hope you know what I’m talking about.)

    • Madame Zenobia

      @Madame Zenobia,
      but I’ve never heard of a white artist shouting out ANYTHING with they themselves getting some loot for it.

      That should be WITHOUT they themselves getting loot for it. My bad I’m a little sleepy. Nite Nite!

    • http://www.yahoo.com lulu

      @Madame Zenobia,

      “(Trust me being in Iowa and surrounded my white folk anytime some new “slang” comes thru they love to try it out. They really just want to fit in.)”

      kilt me.

      As for unpaid advertising. You are so RIGHT! But these dumb a** ‘rappers’ wouldn’t know the first thing about REALLY getting paid.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Madame Zenobia, you know, K-Fed nor BAG really had much chance to blow.

      Spencer on the other hand does b/c of his reach. He’s an actual name that people know and hate. If he has any talent (and he mimics really well) he just might be able to sell some units. even if he is a total d-bag.

      and unless SAT stands for Scholastic Aptitude Test, I have no clue what you’re talking about.

  • shay-d-lady

    Apologize for the fact that for whatever reason I can only access this post from my phone
    Also
    The tragedy that is KRS 1 delusions about still being relevant and his teef

    PLIES for turning reg ordinary chicks into buss it babies by bombarding us with thousands of songs using a catchy hook and any available falsettoed ambiguously gay r&b singer

    Wiggers

    Corny white people using “izzle”

    PSA’s that use rap as a way to show how cool their message is ala if you wanna be my peer please respect my ears don’t curse!

    Oh and I hope the SAT comment want calipari directed…to soon to soon. Sniff why cal? Why?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @shay-d-lady, LOL. yo, anybody who didn’t think Memphis was on some shadyness was smokin’ stacks anyway. they basically had a damn NBA team in 07-08. and them boys, with the exception of Derrick Rose couldn’t talk. lol.

      and KRS-One does need to just go ahead and let it go…he stopped being a good rapper at least a decade ago. at least.

      • maximillian

        @Panama Jackson, KRS-One does need to just go ahead and let it go…he stopped being a good rapper at least a decade ago. at least.

        That would almost coincide with his last commercially viable release, I Got Next, with the single “Step Into A World”, complete with (horror of horrors) a Diddy Remix!

      • shay_d_lady

        @Panama Jackson, yo, anybody who didn’t think Memphis was on some shadyness was smokin’ stacks anyway. they basically had a damn NBA team in 07-08. and them boys, with the exception of Derrick Rose couldn’t talk. lol.

        first off lets be real, most star atheletes do not take these standardized test..I took ACT/SAT’s as a hustle LOL so dont be targeting memphis like we the only one and this aint an unspoken rule.. Cal was wrong though to leave us with no recruits, and the fall out from this though…

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @shay_d_lady, i’m not targeting them personally. THEY ARE BEING TARGETED and i’m just responding. hell, if we were talking about some other program, like say UNLV or Michigan, then i’d single them out. but as the crow flies…

          …MEMPHIS is on the clock.

          • shay_d_lady

            @Panama Jackson, THEY ARE BEING TARGETED and i’m just responding.

            yeah I wasnt talkin about you personally, I was talking in general.. LOL my bad I go hard for my city!

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              @shay_d_lady, its okay. memphis has had some hard times.

              i mean, you all a responsible for crunchy black.

            • shay_d_lady

              @shay_d_lady, i mean, you all a responsible for crunchy black.

              Yes and we are not ashamed..he is quality ignorance at its finest or worst depending on how you look at it.. LOL plus we are also responsible for Ball and G.. it balances out…

  • http://wrdsbikmplx.blogspot.com kmplx

    everyone coming up to me at my desk at work, and feeling the need to go “yo”!
    i work in london (england not canada), with a whole bunch of white british people who wouldn’t know hiphop if it slapped them in the face, and yet still see me, and feel the need to go “yo”…
    like what the flip is wrong with “hi”, “hello”, “howdie doodie?”???

    so mine would be “causing white people to act stupid and lose their d*mn minds” – see friends episode where rachel and ross sing “i like big butts” to their baby. *shudders*

    • http://adopefiend.blogspot.com Dope Fiend

      @kmplx, AAAAAAAAOOOOOWWWW! BIG UP THE LONDON TOWWWN MASSIVE!

      lol.

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

        @Dope Fiend,

        Alright… as an expat, Imma have to ask my Brits to settle… SETTLE…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @kmplx, that was a funny episode though.

      true story. i remember one night in Adams Morgan in DC, at like 3am when all the clubs were letting out, this cab full of white dudes rolled by and one of them yelled out of teh cab, “DAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarkness…Charlie Murphy Charlie Murphy”

      me and my boys laughed for 10 minutes. then we cried.

      i blame Jim Jones for this.

      • kmplx

        @Panama Jackson, LMAO – now your episode is funnier… i would laugh and then weep too.

    • Blacklaw

      @kmplx, don’t think we can blame hip hop for this wyt folk loves everything about being black except actually being black if it wasnt hip hop it would be some other ish we just got to own it

  • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. naturally….

    Hip-Hop should apologize for allowing the production of mediocre music to become the norm rather than the exception. hip-hop should apologize for mainstreaming mediocrity.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @N.I.A. naturally…., yeah, that whole making money BS is totally for the birds. lol.

      • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. naturally….

        @Panama Jackson,

        lol!! you are right. that’s why i’m working on my very first single now. I already get paid for being exceptional at my day job, but i can get PAID for putting out mediocre music with a danceable beat. Make a couple of appearances on 106 & Park, and I am set for life. Thanks Hip-Hop!!!

        • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

          @N.I.A. naturally….,

          4 real where is MR 106 and park now?