The 2015 List of People We Don’t Mess With Any More » VSB

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The 2015 List of People We Don’t Mess With Any More

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Notwithstanding the fact that two very smart brothas (Damon Young and Patrice O’Neal) have instructed me to never trust a Black man without facial hair — we (Black people) collectively stopped messing with Taye for a very different reason. Taye made headlines and our shit list when he said he doesn’t want his biracial son to be referred to as “Black.” I’m always bewildered when stars feel like they need to trumpet their half-cocked opinions to the masses like anyone is checking for real talk from Taye Diggs. Personally, I was tired of hearing all of my homeboys constantly wonder when the dude who was friends with Brown Sugar-era Sanaa Lathan—but never tried to hit — would finally release his philosophies on race and ethnicity. I can logically believe that a man with a white wife isn’t necessarily filled with self-hate, but when that man effectively says, “I don’t want my son to be viewed in the same way the world views me, and my father and his father…” I think someone should step in and say, “You know they’re recording this, right? People can hear you.” We heard you loud and clear, Taye. That’s why we stopped messing with you.

Anyway, thinking about the Diggs made me think about who else would be on this list. Who else did the Congregation of Negros Collective decide to boot off the island this year?

Meek Mills He got bodied by a singing nigga. That’s it. That’s the reason. I know it’s shallow and petty, but if you get beat down by anyone, and that person’s next move is to release a video doing the white-boy shuffle in an empty room wearing a cardigan and Dockers, we can’t fuck with you anymore. I’m gonna reveal a secret to you all: Drake’s beatdown of Meek sent the dark-skinned brother community into a tailspin. First, Steph Curry wins the NBA MVP, then this. One minute Meek was the hottest, hardest rapper, on the biggest tour in hip hop (or his girl’s tour), and then, poof he fucked it all up. On Twitter! It’s almost like his homey Will Smith waved that light pen from “Men in Black” in front of our eyes and Meek was erased from our memories and Nikki Minaj’s vagina history. Meek, you’re from Philly, dog. You’ve dropped below Will Smith on the totem pole of hard-ass Philly niggas to somewhere between Charli Baltimore and Lee Daniels. Speaking of Philly…

Bill Cosby This was a hard year for Pill Bill. When decades-old allegations of rape resurfaced, it seemed like Black people were going to ride with Bill for a minute. Those of us not offended by his “pull up your pants” rants were going to stick up for the man who laced our childhood with memories of Mushmouth and fine-ass Lisa Bonet and pudding pops (niggas wasn’t fucking with pudding before our Uncle Bill made it cool). The Black narrative was, “They” were trying to set him up, because he was going to buy NBC, or start the first Black-owned network with Oprah, or resurrect the corpse of Michael Jackson and Sojourner Truth or some other unbelievable shit. We thought it was just another conspiracy until allegations started coming out of the woodwork like roaches when you turn out the lights at Wiz Khalifa’s house (I don’t care how clean he is, or where he lives, Wiz just looks like he has roaches at the crib). After Jill Scott took back her Twitter rant, the only people left standing in Bill’s corner were Camille, Theo and Rudy (I know, but to Black America those are their real names). Even Vanessa abandoned ship, although it’s still just a case of He said/She said. She said. She said. She said. She said. She said. She said. She said. (Add 42 more)

Donald Trump This list is not just limited to Black people. We used to love Donald Trump, because, like many people we fuck with, The Donald likes gaudy gold shit, owns a lot of flashy cars while living in an apartment, and he loves to brag about how he’s getting money and bad bitches. Now that I think about it — Trump might be a gangster rapper.  Anyway, Donald Trump ran for President and went full Pat Buchanan on us. The truth is, Black people are used to finding out their white friend is secretly racist, but Trump went from walling out and rounding up Mexicans to registering Muslims to okaying the beating of a Black Lives Matter protester. Say what you will about the Orange Fuhrer’s lack of a plan for immigration reform, but his racism is comprehensive as hell. We just can’t fuck with him anymore.

Future If you tied me up, held a rusty knife to my penis and told me you’d cut it off unless I named a Future song, I couldn’t do it. I don’t even know if Future is a rapper or a singer. The only thing I know about Future is that it’s widely agreed that he’s a fuckboy. I can’t say what I would do if I had to listen to Ciara sing every day, so I have a place of sympathy for Future, but having Twitter fights and throwing baby mama shade in the press seems very bitch-nigga-ish to me. Plus, you have to have impeccable fuckboy credentials for a woman to leave you for a man who’s giving her no D.  But, you know, they say it’s not the size of the boat…

Thats what I’d have to keep telling myself after my kidnappers found out I didn’t know any Future songs.

Stephen A Smith We liked Serial-Sayer-of-Stupid-Shit Stephen A. Smith (that’s his official title) before he started building his collection of I’m-smarter-than-you-stupid-niggas idiotic quotes and hyperbolic synonyms. Stephen is one of those people who thinks that intelligence is determined by the number of syllables he can cram into a sentence. First it was his statement that some women get their asses beat because they provoke men. Then it was his Cosby-esque defense of Martin O’Malley and “All Lives Matter” by pointing the finger at Black people. He finally hit an all time low when Kevin Durant called him out for blatantly lying, and Smith’s only defense was to threaten Durant on live TV. Black people took that offense like when a bully picks on the quiet kid in class: Why is he picking on KD? You know Kevin don’t bother nobody, so Black people don’t fuck with Stephen A. Smith.

Raven Symone – Raven’s ghetto pass was actually revoked in 2014 when she told Oprah that she wasn’t Black or African American, but we kinda let her slide because she was Olivia on the Cosby show, she hung with Mr. Cooper and she was so Raven. We gave her the “Great Value” brand version of the benefit of the doubt we gave Cosby for forming so many of our childhood memories, but she couldn’t stop herself. We had our collective side-eye watching and waiting for her to — in the words of her very own father — say “some dumb shit” and she didn’t disappoint. After saying she would discriminate against someone who had a “Black name” and then defending the news anchor who said Michelle Obama looked like an ape, we crossed her off the list of friends who can come to the cookout, and the list of people we fuck with.

Ben Carson – Remember when Cuba Gooding, Jr. —  another dude we sorta don’t fuck with – played Ben Carson in Gifted Hands  and Carson became Black History trivia? We liked the soft-spoken medical genius then, but we didn’t know Ben was a right-wing conservative who went around trying to stab people in the dick while concocting theories about the pyramids being built by historical Jews as self-rising flour. Ben’s litany of falsehoods have been well-catalogued, but after Ben tried to convince us that free health care is worse than slavery and that he saved white people during the 1968 race riots, we left Ben alone. Personally, I cut him off after he threatened my penis when I didn’t know any Future songs. Thank God I was wearing that belt.

Michael Harriot

Michael Harriot is a podcaster, spoken word poet, editor of the daily digital magazine and one of the greatest peanut butter and jelly sandwich makers of our time.

  • IsitFridayyet?

    “One minute Meek was the hottest, hardest rapper, on the biggest tour in hip hop…”

    Hottest? Hardest?

    Did I miss this occurrence?

    • panamajackson

      I agree that there was a bit of hyperbole there. I’ve never felt like Meek was either of those things. Loudest? Sure.

      • brothaskeeper

        He even shout-texts….

      • Jenn Sears

        You know that part where he talks about knowing a future song? This is me with meek. If he was hottest, I feel like this would not be the case.

    • It’s okay, about a year ago I had to Google Kendrick Lamar because I had been under the longstanding belief that he played for the Lakers or the Knicks or something, and then somebody went and put him on the list of greatest ever rappers and I was confused. My husband almost birthed an entire hippopotamus when I told him that and I had to explain, “look, I’ve been off current for a while. We have children. I hear a lot of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse songs and none of them include Goofy battling Donald, so my current culture game is severely whack. So much so that I’m mot entirely sure that people still say ‘whack’.” Anyway, a year later I still can’t name anything this cat’s put out besides a diss record or three, though I’m sure I’ve likely heard more of his work on my Rick Ross/ Jada Kiss Pandora station when I’m taking granny walks to try and stay active. *sigh* I’m old.

      • TraceyDC

        I still say wack but then again I would also be murdered if asked to name a meek mills or Future song.

  • LongtimeLurker

    Cosby should have sat back somewhere…but noooo, he just HAD to force that “Pound Cake” on folks like someone wasn’t going to notice all the other cakes he was stealing in the back. No matter what good you think you’ve done, you can’t throw stones at people who have boulders of your own to throw back.

    • Well, we would have just learned the scoop after he died.

  • uNk

    Celebrities love failing via Twitter I swear.
    The Drake and Meek dispute reminds me of the types of power struggles you have in high school.

    • tgtaggie

      The funniest part of this story is that Aubrey got nominated for a f*cking grammy over Meek. lol.

      • brothaskeeper

        No matter, because Kendrick is gonna collect all the make-up Grammys that Macklemore took from him.

  • bearbear

    where’s Don Lemon? He must have been on last years list.

  • Africameleon

    R Kelley? Don Lemon?….

    • QuirlyGirly

      Your Avi is too cute. I love it

    • We ain’t ever really fucked with Don Lemon, though.

      • We did ( here in Philly before he went cable )

        • Bad year with Philly cats.

          • Yeah, Philly is going through it.

  • QuirlyGirly

    I vote we remove Meek and Future and add on Stacey Dash and Don Lemon.

    Let just put Meek and Future on punishment for now

    • kneelbeforetigers

      I’ll side with you on Meek — cuz Nicki seems to not deal in foolishness too often, and she can rehab a dusty kneegrow– but Future is a patented fuckboy and deserves all the Heisman moves from humanity. Him and his roving super sperm can take a flying leap off that there cliff…

    • Aw, I agree with the below comment about Future, but it’s sweet to see you side with Meek :)

    • Cori Hoston

      Right where is Don Lemon?… With his playing the devils advocate azz…

  • Pinks

    Nah. I still bangs with Future. DS2 gets weekly spin in my ride.

    *cue Freak H0es as I bounce that a s s and make my knees touch my elbows*

    • QuirlyGirly

      Man – when that song used to come on in the club there was a stampede to the dance floor- that one and The Dip by Freak Nasty

    • I am too dang old (sober) to be listening to ‘Freak H0es”. lol.

      • Pinks

        You’re never too old for Freak H0es lol

        • uNk

          Figuratively or literally? Lol

    • brothaskeeper

      Is that jam or jelly?

      • uNk

        Jim Jones a s s lol

        • Stacie Ford-Bonnelle


          • CozyVon

            Totally stealing this image to represent my reaction to future random acts of tomfoolery, lol.

  • chazb

    Is anyone else afraid that Trump will get the Republican nomination? I was sure before that he wouldn’t but people seem to really be getting serious about him as a candidate.

    • Oluseyi

      The polling base is a fraction of the voting base, even among Republicans. General elections move closer to the center, while primaries and early pre-primary polling is more extremely polarized. What you’re seeing are the dying, thrashing throes of unassailable white majority/privilege. Not that it doesn’t still exist, or dominate, but that it’s steadily under attack now.

      So I, at least, am not afraid.

      • tgtaggie

        Great point. Fringe candidates (such as Trump, Carson, etc) is also one of the many reasons why the Republicans can’t win general elections anymore. Most of the country views are pretty much in the center.

        • There’s also a complete lack of a farm system in the Democratic party right now. Where’s that next generation on the come up? Remember that Obama paid his dues as a state senator. Where’s that next bunch?

      • chazb

        You are correct of course in how elections work. I think I am just disturbed by the blatant ignorance that is on display right now. I’m pretty sure Trump doesn’t want to actually be president, I feel like he is doing this to entertain himself in a twisted way.

        • Oluseyi

          Well, it’s been a steady trend, and hopefully this is its nadir. The bubble of one-sided information that we’ve been told over and over was made more possibly by customized news feeds occasioned by the web is more routinely being challenged by facts and events disseminated through social networks that contest the resulting world views.

          Effectively, I’m hoping this is the worst it ever gets, and it starts to rebound.

      • Epsilonicus

        I’m afraid. What you say is correct but I believe that if turnout is low, Trump could win.

        • Oluseyi

          The turnout would need to be beyond low; it would need to be hyper-partisan as well. Do you really think all these kids out in the streets protesting, putting their bodies on the line for causes they believe in, won’t turn out to vote and ensure a hateful monster like Trump isn’t elected?

          Cruz (who is a disturbing candidate of a different kind) is already catching up to Trump, and Carson’s numbers have started plummeting. The normalization has begun.

          • Amber

            That’s another issue because presidential election turnout is always relatively high. I don’t think republicans are really focused on presidential elections like they should be because they’ve had greater success at the state and local level which has been far more detrimental to people of color than what Donald Trump as president would be in office.

            • Yep. Like I told someone else on here, you can’t complain if you only show up every other election. The Republican vase shows up for every election, while the Democratic base only cares about the presidency and whatever is down ticket. States and local governments have a lot more power than people realize (see Ferguson Missouri for an example), but it’s hard to get politicians to listen if you aren’t there. They like their jobs too.

            • Oluseyi

              Everything you wrote. Plus, people overestimate the power/influence of the presidency, even in this era of executive orders.

          • Cruz is who scares me more than Trump. He’s been quietly maneuvering for his spot in the event that he flames out. Plus he’s smarter and crazier than Trump. Things might get real.

            • Oluseyi

              Exactly. People are talking about Trump being a Hilary decoy; he’s far more effective as a Cruz decoy, blinding people to Teddy’s deeply amoral malevolence.

              • Another thing I don’t think Black people realize is that there’s a legit chance that the Republican nomination might end up going down to Cruz vs Rubio. Cruz running one on one against anyone is dangerous, considering that he’s considered the GOAT of college debating. Two, it creates a great visual for the party that’ll allow them to brush off Trump’s BS. Out of the chaos, the Republican party might actually mess around and win. Yikes… But then again, to quote Chuck D, neither party is mine, not the jacka$$ or the elephant.

                • Oluseyi

                  Also, Hilary isn’t that inspiring/exciting, and for all Bernie’s liberal bonafides, he seems old and vaguely “un-presidential.” So there is a legit risk that a Republican who is better able to present a clear vision to fence-sitters would mess around and win.

                  Even though I kinda think he’s an idiot, I’d rather have Rubio than Cruz. Rubio seems naive, but sincere. Cruz is like the Emperor Palpatine of the Senate.

                  (Man, I wish Elizabeth Warren were running. Or even Jon Huntsman; I realistically could have voted for him in 2012, when Obama didn’t earn my vote with a highly cynical campaign.)

    • Amen

      Not at all. Not even one little bit. Republicans outside of his base are distancing themselves from him. And his base is small. Very loud, but small. Even if, by some horrible accident, he won the Republican nomination, he would get slaughtered by Hillary.

      • chazb

        I think my faith in the people who live in this country has been steadily going down, especially over the last few years. The ignorant rhetoric and just nasty behavior has really made me sad. I’m hoping that in this next election a turnout similar to the last really stands up and makes their voices known so that the established people are once again shocked that their anointed candidate doesn’t win.

        • Oluseyi

          Does the increase in ignorant rhetoric reflect an increase in the number/proportion of people who believe such things, or an increase in coverage/transparency? I feel that, spurred by competition for audiences with the web, cable news networks have grown more extreme and desperate in their programming, giving more and more airtime and attention to more and more fringe views, leading many of us to think there’s a significant shift in attitudes held by the population.

          At the same time, the Internet and social media allow for unfiltered, unmediated expression, and so we see more and more intentional and unintentional displays of ignorant rhetoric. This, too, can make one feel like there has been an increase, but are we perhaps merely exposing what was already there?

          The feeling or perception of an increase in ignorant rhetoric is absolutely correct: more of it is being expressed, everywhere. But I don’t know that it represents an increase in absolute quantity. Just because the lights were off didn’t mean the roaches weren’t on the floor.

        • But then there are midterms. People notice the president, but don’t realize the midterm mostly decided who runs state legislatures and Congress. Kind of hard to run things if you only show up for half the elections

          • Amber

            Yeah i said something similar below. Local elections are where is at for republicans and has resulted in many terrible policies. Look states like Kansas or what’s going to take place in Kentucky or Ohio. Low voter turnout and people voting against their interest gets wins for the radical repubs.

            • It’s funny how the Democratic party doesn’t put more money into that. In a nation with divided powers, the Presidency isn’t worth but so much if the Republicans run everything else.

              • Amber

                Democrats are terrible when it comes to recruiting and grooming new politicians. They put all their eggs in the obama basket now their doing it with hillary.

    • It is very possible.

      A lot of things depend on events that happen over the next couple of months. One of the things that put Obama severely ahead of McCain was his poor handling of the stock market crash. Traumatic events greatly change political decisions. The appeal of Trump is more in line with the right wing version of the appeal of Sanders on the left.

      There’s a feeling of stagnation in the country, regardless of what the stats or job numbers say, and there’s a desire for a shock in the political system. If we have more terrorist-oriented attacks, Trump is going to look far more attractive on the right. If we have another crash in the economy, Sanders is going to look a lot more attractive on the left. If we have anything close to the Paris attack in the next couple of months…Trump will be the next president.

      Independents, nowadays are whom decide presidential elections, and they tend to vote less in terms of ideological grounds, and more in terms of who they think is most competent to deal the cause de jour. If the fear of foreign influence continues to go up, which it is, Trump has set himself up to look the most competent to deal with it in both parties. Not because of his ideas, but because of branding (which is the cause of the dumbing down of political thought and debate – brand over argument).

      I’d actually hope that terrorist fears die down, because if they don’t, I’m pretty certain that Trump will win, and that does make me anxious. Outside of all the racist stuff he says, which the media loves, people missed the fact that in that same speech he talked about banning Muslims, he also talked about getting all the big names in Silicon Valley and basically making them develop methods of completely taking over the internet so they can deal with the problem of encryption and the dark web. That’s something even the NSA didn’t even mess with openly.

      • chazb

        I was just discussing this with someone, how the events of the day really impact how people vote. Obama was a calm intelligent alternative to Bush. Now Trump and his ilk get to use the fear people have over terrorists and illegal immigrants to push his agenda. I think the fact that these terrorist attacks have gotten such a strong response from people speaks to a very xenophobic state of mind within the American people, especially middle American whites. I also find it highly ironic that we have more to fear from white men with guns than any other population in the US since they make up most of our domestic terrorists but all it takes is one radical Muslim for them to be up in arms about foreigners. Must be nice to be the majority and can therefore write the narrative as you see fit.

  • Lmao @ Trump trynna get rid of immigrants when he clearly married two of em…

    • CozyVon

      Weellll, they’re of the Caucasian persuasion, so they get a pass….

  • Eff Stacy Dash too….
    ( Alrho she ain’t bad on the eyes)
    Even though we BEEN stop fuching with him….O.J. really sealed his fate when he tried to be black, and posse up and go to that hotel room and get his “sports memorabilia ” back.

    • That situation was a real Black History Failure. Like you knew that they were going to throw the book at you if you got caught JUST BECAUSE you beat the murder case. Fred Goldman was in the courtroom cheezing his a$$ off.

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