The 10 Worst Haircuts In Black Male History » VSB

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The 10 Worst Haircuts In Black Male History

Earlier this week, Baron Davis made an appearance on First Take and introduced us all to a new hairstyle. It’s been called a Jheri Curl, but I wouldn’t quite call it that. Mainly because it’s not wet enough. It looks more like a batch of collard greens an aint-shit cousin left on the stove too long when he was on the porch drinking E&J instead of watching them. Let’s just call it The “I don’t know why I invited you over and let you sit on my couch.

Anyway, Davis’s luxurious and glorious hairstyle is most likely the worst haircut on a Black man I’ve seen since 2013. It also got me thinking: Who else is guilty of making an historically bad hair decision that will haunt them and their progeny for eternity? If I were to make a list of famous Black men who very obviously went to their stylist and said “EhFuck it“, who else would make the cut?

The Nino Brown

nino

If there was a hall of fame for historically shitty decisions Black men made with their hair, a late 80s early 90s Wesley Snipes would on the first ballot. And the second ballot. And the third ballot. He’d be on all the ballots.

The Pre-rehab and post-probation Chris Brown 

chris brown

This is why you should always think twice about giving light-skinned Virginia niggas money.

The Pre-Ciara Russell Wilson

Wilson

Just to be clear, I have nothing against interracial dating. Some of my best friends have friends who know people who date White women. But I still think its amusing when certain Black men have certain hair that advertises, in no uncertain terms “Yeah…I don’t really do Black chicks like that.”

The Coolio

coolio

Because he apparently was so shocked he won a Grammy that he decided “electrocution” should be a permanent look.

The Kanye West Shag

kanye shag

No.

The Andrew Bynum

bynum

Fuck no.

The MC Hammer

hammer

It’s easy to forget how popular Hammer was 25 years ago. But, if you ever have any trouble remembering, just look at this picture and remind yourself that kids actually wanted Hammer hair. (And yes, I was one of them.)

That’s how popular he was.

The Robert Griffin III, currently

rg3

Just to be clear, I have nothing against interracial dating. Some of my best friends have friends who know people who date White women. But I still think its amusing when certain Black men have certain hair that advertises, in no uncertain terms “Yeah…I don’t really do Black chicks like that.”

The Lionel Richie

lionel richie

There’s really nothing that can be said about Richie’s hair that hasn’t already been said. He is the Vladimir Putin of Black male bad hair; the Adam Clayton Powell of telling your barber “I want to look a damn fool. Can you make me look a damn fool?” He is the GOAT, both because he has the greatest bad Black male hair of all-time and because I think I’ve actually seen his do on a goat before.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • But Nino was clean with his… No?

    • Keisha

      LOL..he was. It definitely could have been worse… #rattails :-/

      • Rat tails were IT! Only the coolest guys in my elementary school had them.

        • Keisha

          …with the emphasis on the word WERE…lol. My brother begged to have one of those…he was on cloud 9 when my parents finally gave in.

          • Ha! One of our teachers threatened to cut off my classmate’s rat tail… That boy cried the Mississippi… lol

            • Keisha

              I’m sure he did…lol

          • Epsilonicus

            I have an uncle who still has a rattail.

        • miss t-lee

          that was a dark period in time.

  • Keisha

    The Kanye West Shag isn’t really that bad…I’ve seen several people successfully pull off that look. If I didn’t have a career in which I hope to advance, I would shave the sides of my head like MC Hammer and rock the mohawk look. It’s looks kinda cool. :-)

    • DBoySlim

      Phil Wade is the only dude I’ve seen pull it off. Him being a comedian might help sell it.

      • Keisha

        Phill is my friend…we went to college together. Small world…

        • DBoySlim

          His Trey Songz impression had me dying. I hope he finds a larger platform for his talent.

    • Cleojonz

      I really wanted to cut my hair mowhawk-ish too. My husband said I’m too old though. He is a dream killer.

      • TeeChantel

        This is actually cute though.

      • Keisha

        This is cute!!!…but I’m single though. So, choose your battles carefully… :-)

        • Cleojonz

          Ironically enough, he likes it all the way cut off, so cutting hair is not the issue. Go figure. You’re right though, it’s not a fight I’m willing to have.

          • Keisha

            Really??? That is strange….lol

          • AlwaysCC

            my husband likes my hair cut off, too. :)

      • Manny

        Your huaband is WRONG. Supposedly women are supposed to cut their hair short when “older”. I don’t agree and don’t know your age but use this as an argument.And weirdly this is more conservative than aohawk.

        • Cleojonz

          We’ll see. I might get brave enough one day. I’m trying to get my big bushy afro back again, although at this point I don’t even like the feeling of hair on my head. We’ll see if I make it through the summer.

      • MsSula

        I am about to get something like that done. Mid Thirties be damned! :-)

        • Keisha

          LOL

        • Cleojonz

          I want to see pictures when you do!

      • AlwaysCC

        i’m going through an identity crisis right now and want to do the same thing! i was thinking about maybe just shaving the back instead since i’m already sporting traditional locs in a corporate setting lol i don’t know how far i can push the “standards” lmbo

        • Cleojonz

          Unfortunately you do have to think about these thing when you work in a corporate environment. Should it matter? No. But it does. My work people like the twists and the fro and the braids. I don’t know I’d be going too far doing this and adding color too.

          • AlwaysCC

            *sigh* oh the struggle. i get lots of compliments on my different styles (i wear everything from bantu knots to crocheted marley hair), but a “permanent” cut miiiiight push them over the edge. i might just end up cutting it all off again lol

      • MzzPeaches
        • Epsilonicus

          Love it!!!

        • Cleojonz

          oooh that’s pretty. I like!

          • MzzPeaches

            I love it too. I’m just not bold enough to cut my hair like this and I’m afraid of permanent colors (horror story).

  • menajeanmaehightower

    Andrew looks like the girl in high school whose mama always forgot to give her a relaxer so she used that big bucket of black hair gel to try to do something with her hair. It never worked.

    • Keisha

      Tuff…lol

    • miss t-lee

      If this ain’t accurate as I don’t know what.

    • IsitFridayyet?

      The Struggle

    • TeeChantel

      I had to scroll up to get a second look.
      I’m officially done with ya’ll today. Lol.

    • Ohm Tomorrow

      I.AM.TRYING.TO.EAT.MY.LUNCH ROTF!!!!!

    • Boo Radley

      Ermergerd YES. Then the next day she’d have it snatched back into that little struggling pony-tuft with a putty colored rubber band.

      • menajeanmaehightower

        The struggle pony tail! YES!!

    • Nick Peters

      I thought you were going to go with the biracial girl with a white mom

    • GypsyCurl

      Yes yes….I have wondered for years about what’s actually going on with “the girl who ALWAYS looks like she needs a touch up”. Clearly God and the relaxer system are telling you to be natural.

    • *on oxygen*

    • Marcie

      LMAO!!!! *falls into casket*

  • PunchDrunkLove

    Andrew Bynum and Russell Wilson are really wearing hats…lol Baron Davis has more head than hair. These pics are reasons why you should never follow fads. lol Looking back might be painful.

    • TeeChantel

      “lol Baron Davis has more head than hair”

      This.

      • PunchDrunkLove

        Guurl….LOL

    • “Andrew Bynum and Russell Wilson are really wearing hats…lol”

      Also known as the Patti LaBelle move (If you grew up in the 80’s, you’ll know why I said that, LMAO!)

      • PunchDrunkLove

        Hahahahaha……yeah, I get it

  • NoPlaysOff

    I am currently sitting at my desk trying my hardest NOT to burst out laughing at these pictures alone…. LOL!

  • Charlisia Nwachukwu

    OH GOD!!! The Andrew Bynum shit shit shit… no thanks! Ew Ew EW

  • Mimzi

    The Russell Wilson RGIII captions were the midday levity I needed today. Thank you for that

  • miss t-lee

    No Gumby? No Kwame? Where’s Kid?
    Somebody started singing “Oh Sheila” yesterday when they saw Baron Davis and I died.

    • deviant

      Nobody better say nothing bad about Kwame.

      • miss t-lee

        hee hee

    • Cleojonz

      No because Kwame and Kid’s hair looked dope. That’s how it should have been done.

      • miss t-lee

        Kwame yes, but at one point Kid’s was a mess. See House Party 3 for reference.

        • Cleojonz

          I refuse to remember that House Party 3 existed lol.

          • miss t-lee
            • Cleojonz

              I hated him with anything other than the high tip fade. Why ruin a perfectly good hat?

            • Kala

              He looks like the ugliest back up dancer from the Real Love video.

              • miss t-lee

                *wilts*

          • HeyBooHey

            The whole world should refuse to remember that House Party 3 existed lol

            • miss t-lee

              nah Bernie Mac is the only reason I remember it.

              • HeyBooHey

                *tears* Remember Bernie, RIP

                • miss t-lee

                  Especially that dinner table scene with him and Reynaldo Rey. #RIP to both of them

  • So that Baron Davis hair is real?

    “But I still think its amusing when certain Black men have certain hair that advertises, in no uncertain terms “Yeah…I don’t really do Black chicks like that.”

    On the other side of that spectrum is the white guy with the “I’m into black girls hair cut and facial hair.”

    • miss t-lee

      It looks like it.

    • deviant

      See Jon B.

    • Yo, white dudes with Caesars were always a dead giveaway.

  • ED

    The Coolio is a tragedy of epic proportions

    • TeeChantel

      Agreed.

    • DG

      Coolio’s hair looks like it’s being gentrified by scalp.

    • legitimate_soul

      *Cues “Let it go” for Coolio*

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