Pop Culture, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

The 10 Times It’s Perfectly Acceptable To Say “Bitch”

Earlier this week, the world’s greatest and most important recording artist went on a stream of consciousness tweeting spree about “bitch” and its numerous connotations. Although he drew no ultimate conclusion about his basic premise — Is the word “bitch” acceptable? — the short and largely rhetorical conversation touched on a topic that will never not be relevant to people who enjoy language, all language, and the myriad ways to incorporate it.

Personally, I think that, under certain conditions, bitch is perfectly acceptable. Like nigger/nigga and any other politically charged word, the word itself isn’t inherently wrong, and the rightness or wrongness of its use is completely dependent on context, speaker, and audience.

When exactly is it perfectly acceptable to say bitch? Glad you asked…

When speaking ironically

Example: “Hey man. What’s going on?”

“Just sitting here at my cubicle, filing expense reports, preparing for this staff meeting, mackin’ bitches. You know, the usual.”

“Cool”

When your entire wedding party, including your unborn daughter, has been murdered by a group of ethnically diverse and impossibly attractive world-class female assassins

Although you might not be as adept at tracking each of them down and murdering them as Beatrix Kiddo was, if something like this happens to you, I really can’t begrudge you the right to refer to your would be assassins as bitches. Plus, “I’m going to straight-up murk those bitches” just rolls off the tongue much better than “I’m going to straight-up murk that group of ethnically diverse and impossibly attractive world-class female assassins.”

When asserting dominance over an inanimate object

Examples: “You probably should put a jacket on. It’s getting chilly”

“Don’t worry about it. The approaching cold front is totally my bitch”

or

“What did you have for breakfast this morning?”

“Dude, I made those pop tarts my bitch!”

When alone in the car and repeating the lyrics to any rap made before 2003 by any rap artist hailing from somewhere west of the Mississippi river or south of the Mason-Dixon line

There are too many songs to possibly list that could qualify, but for the most bang for your buck, listen to “Bitch Ass Niggaz” just so you can recite the first couple bars of Hitman’s aggressively homoerotic verse.

When addressing a female dog

And by “a female dog” I mean an asshole cat who’s attempting to eat the shoe off of your foot because the shoe is gray and his dumb ass thinks it’s a giant mouse with a white swoosh on its abdomen”

When paying someone a compliment

Example: “Man, those new foamposites you’re rockin are pretty bitchin”

“Thanks, dog. I didn’t think anyone would notice”

“I always notice, man.”

“Always?”

“Always”

When derisively commenting on something done by a professional athlete

Example: “Kobe’s making his bitch face again”

“Why is Kobe always bitchin to the refs? F*cking bitch!”

“Ugh. I want to root for the Lakers this year cause I love Steve Nash, but I can’t because Kobe is such a bitch”

“There goes Hobe Bitch-ass Bitchyant playing hero ball again. F*cking bitch!”

When talking to actual, real life bitches

Because it can be very difficult to determine exactly what makes someone a bitch — and because most people properly and fairly given the bitch designation will still reject and scoff at said designation — it’s still probably not wise to refer to properly deemed bitches as bitches. You’d be morally, logically, and linguistically correct, but you still might get shanked.

If you’re a hipster, a liberal academic, or a person who shops at Trader Joe’s

Why? Well, if you’re one of these things, you can’t possibly be sexist, racist, xenophobic, or homophobic and nothing you can possibly say could be offensive to anyone in any context because you deeply understand how words can injure and insult and you’d never intend to do that to anyone

When someone owes you money

Doesn’t matter if it’s a priest, a bank, or your girlfriend’s great uncle. If someone owes you money, and has gone a suitable period of time without returning said money — and, for argument’s sake, “suitable period of time” is determined by a complex matrix dependent on how long it’s been, how much you’re owed, and how broke you currently are — it’s perfectly okay to mutter “That bitch better have my money” to yourself if on the way to see them.

Anyway, people of VSB.com, do you think “bitch” is ever acceptable? If not, why not? If so, are there any other situations where using it is appropriate?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Don’t forget to listen to The Blaqout Show tonight at 8pm. Panama will be discussing things that men don’t understand about women on his segment, CP Time! Listen to the squad of Beny, Angel, Malik, Prepster Punk Squad Gangsta Click, Komplex as they wax philosophical on all things waxy. www.blis.fm from 8-10pm EST!!!

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://stanoffewords.wordpress.com Tristan

    First b*tch

    • http://www.twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

      Totally acceptable. lol

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        the committee agrees as well.

        • Jamaicangirl

          I second that motion.

          P.s
          Its totally ok to say ” This B*#&% getting on my damn nerves” in reference to your Boss at work.

          • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

            well played trizz. LOL.

    • nillalatte

      BOL… priceless.

      • Kema

        Happy belated b-day Nilla!!!

        • nillalatte

          Thanks Kema! :)

    • Royale W. Cheese

      Dang! aka, “son of a b*tch!”

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_YHV5fdUiQ

      • http://twitter.com/kjnetic Sith King Jordan

        survey says… “son of a b*tch” is acceptable!

        *plays Family Feud theme*

    • Adonis

      Thanks Tristan for the thread space, I like the view for here

      (Finished @ 10:27PM)

      I do not care what today’s post is, I did not get a chair in this “What The F*ck Happened To VSB?” thread, so I am Hijacking this thread.

      No you’re not.

      —Management

      • bhillboy

        Boom!

      • http://kareemking.com Kareem

        This is the first time in a long time that I’ve read somebody bring up MGTOW in a comment/semi-article. You have to tell the people that it’s not about doing your own thing out of some spite for women. It’s a lifelong commitment to productivity and focusing on the advancements of science, art, culture, etc. Just look up the greats like Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Rafael. They weren’t just ninjas but masters of their respective professions. There are several men that practice this and chose career over family and we shouldn’t hold them in a negative light for that sacrifice.

        • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

          And the Game-ification of VSB continues. MGTOW is not my thing, but if that’s your thing, go for it.

          • Adonis

            @Todd

            Respect. Whatever works for you.

            Game is going to be shoved down your throat (pause) whether you like it or not. We are not in a culture that supports healthy relations between the genders. American city girls crave a Super Saiyan 4 form of dominance YMMV. That is inarguable. You can cower before their feet.

            I am gonna give them a personalized form of “Fifty Shades of Adonis” (I am trademarking that sh*t)

          • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

            It’s funny, today is the first time I’ve ever heard of MGTOW. Can’t say I’m surprised that it exists though.

            • Justmetheguy

              What the hell is MGTOW? I been reading this thread backwards and I’ve seen it mentioned 4 times now, each time my face got even more scrunched up thinkin I missed somethin important ( context clues tell me it’s somethin game-ish but I can’t tell what)

              • demondog06

                for the love of kiesha browns lips and the white baby jesus!
                can someone tell me dafug is a MGTOW?

                • Rewind

                  Men Going Their Own Way. A simple Google search works everytime.

                  • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

                    What disgruntled texting fingers keep making up these doggone acronyms and expects us to learn them all? If they can do it, I can too.

                    TISFBS

                    • Kema

                      Funny thing is I was able to figure yours out but couldnt with that tow thing even though I knew it was related to game

                    • Rewind

                      buahahahahaha

              • sincereluv4life

                +1

              • SweetSass

                It’s guys who couldn’t get laid to save their life… like Urkel saying, “I meant to do that!”

                Sure thing, bros. ::wink::

                • Justmetheguy

                  lol, sounds like what I expected

                • Rewind

                  I’m not going to front…after reading the websiite descripition….tha’ts exactly what it sounds like.

          • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

            All words that exist are acceptable when. Whether people like hearing those words or not is a different story. I mean, in private, Janet Jackson popping out a titty is acceptable; to the vast public though, there might be some objection – at least on the surface.

            • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

              Wrong spot

        • Adonis

          @Kareem

          MGTOW is not a matter of choice, we live in a hostile anti-(black)male society, so men gotta do what we gotta do. Action, not argument.

          But getting women & white knights to understand is fruitless, they don’t respond to reason or logic.

          When they criticize or use shaming tactics. Just ignore them. Don’t engage.

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

            …And this I assume would be the theme song for MGTOW *snickers*

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RF-TZ2pQcys

            I’m sorry, but I couldn’t resist, LMAO!!!!

            • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

              ROTFLMAO…Wow! And to be fair, I could see it the MGTOW being positive or negative. All I would say is that these dudes better not act surprised if a woman finds their way attractive. *kanyeshrug*

      • Adonis

        http://www.twitlonger.com/show/j5v1ol For those who missed it.

        Good Day Management

      • thelonius

        Broly

  • msme

    The last two points are EVERYTHING! I’ve heard missionaries say “b*tch better have my money” on some real ish tho. A good chuckle

    • msme

      to clarify, I meant actual church missionaries that go on, well you know, missions and such

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        as opposed to missionaries that work the door at youngstown strip clubs?

    • GypsyCurl

      When is it acceptable to say b!cth (and in that order)?

      When you really want to get in a fight. Ya know cuz sometimes you really wanna fight. (Or is that just me? #ineediyanla)

      When refer to an actual female dog. Not Champ’s version.

      • Fivegirl

        I almost cried at #ineediyanla

  • Marshal

    I wanted to approach this in a Serious manner, a la Lupe’s “B*tch Bad”, but those 10 reasons, added with Kanye’s tweet made this impossible and killed any Common Sense argument I had. That and the Kobe/Lakers Hate is just Sad and Pathetic in All Honesty

    • http://stanoffewords.wordpress.com Tristan

      Laker hate is always warranted.

      • Marshal

        In the same manner that Notre Dame gets 1.3 million for being a Crappy College football team, the Dallas Cowboys still being America’s Tema but won Nothing since the 90s, the Yankees being title contenders Every YEar but gets beat by the Ranges, Rays, Red Sox, Philly, Cleveland, etc; and Cryami Cheat/LeQuit James Bandwagon fans??? if it’s like that, I agree, if not my statement still stands-Kobe/Lakers Hate is as lame as a Mime being a professional gig

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          Most people actually liked the Lakers before Kobe got there and will continue to like them after he leaves. It’s not about the Lake Show. Just the bitch-ass Bean. The Lakers hate is just collateral damage

          • Justmetheguy

            +muthaf*ckin 1! When they had Magic I liked them (u think I was cheerin for Larry Bird??? B!tch please!) and when he’s gone and it’s just the jolly brown giant there with a new roster I’ll probably be a casual fan of the Lake show then, but as long as Korny Bean Bryant’s there I’m ridin with the field lol

            • mellow.

              B!tch please = acceptable usage regardless of venue!

        • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

          You just named like a third of the AL man. Yanks won in 09 either way man. Let’s not pretend it was some far off time long ago.

          • Third Of August

            Agreed. I dislike the Yankees as well, but “sorry” teams don’t make the playoffs 17 out of the last 18 years….I can’t hate on that.

      • Justmetheguy

        +1 On Laker hate always bein warranted. Can’t stress that enough lol.

        But since you mentioned that Lupe song, I have to point out that just this evening a guy that would usually never have mentioned any type of conscious rap of any sort asked if I had heard that Lupe “B!tch Bad” and he was impressed by the song (thought it was a lot deeper than we reading ninjas did obviously) Looks like whoever made the point about it reaching the right audiences rather than the picky @ss choir was right…Sometime you do have to dumb it down…

      • http://twitter.com/tylerg_thomas tgtaggie

        Laker and Duke hate is always warranted….

        • http://www.twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

          *throws handful of salt into crowd of Lakers fans (who aren’t from the West Coast)*

      • legitimate_soul

        No, it’s not. (Yeah, I said it!) I’m reasonable fan up in dis b!t¢h! :-D

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “That and the Kobe/Lakers Hate is just Sad and Pathetic in All Honesty”

      stop bitchin

      • Deviant

        Approved.

        • Justmetheguy

          +2 Kobe fans always b!tchin lol

          Unfortunately I think that b!tch might get his 6th ring this year smh

  • http://stanoffewords.wordpress.com Tristan

    I will only use it ironically. Like the N word i know that it offends others so i use discretion when doing so,

    • Just me

      Haha! Exactly!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      Yeah, I still don’t think I’ve ever called a woman a bitch before. C*nt? Definitely. But, it was the most affectionate c*nt ever.

      • Kandi

        Ahhh yes Cun+ or as like to call it the 2520 woman’s kryptonite, only to be used to completely shut down any opposition.

        • GypsyCurl

          Lol the C word. I had never heard of it until uttered by 2520s. A male 2520 driver called me a c^nt and I laughed so hard because it had no effect on me as a black person yet he said it to try to rouse me. If we weren’t in cars I would have told him next he would have been better off calling a black women a B, as C is not part of black slang. But then I would have had to explain that he should also be prepared to fight after calling a black woman a B.

          • JessicaL

            Lol I got into this debate with the boyfriend. He said he’d seen black women get really made over being called a c u next tuesday. I say the word doesn’t offend us. I didn’t even know what it meant until 5-10 years ago. Black women respond more to the b word.

            • Justmetheguy

              “I say the word doesn’t offend us. ”

              Right, black women ain’t trippin about c*nt, mainly because nobody black uses it unless they’re jokin. My sister just learned the word about 6 months ago and calls us c*nts all the time now. Shows u how silly it is that we place so much emotion into the words other folks say because a white person that walked in the room would’ve been all wide eyed expectin a confrontation when they heard me and her exchangin it like it was a greeting. It really is a strange and funny word to hear tho lol

          • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

            That’s funny because I would have the same reaction to a man calling me a C word. Laugh. I would also find it funny if someone called me a bish, because I use the word so much, referring to myself, everybody else and my dog. But I would recognize that it is a fighting word and take it as my cue to start fighting.

            • demondog06

              That’s how i feel about nigga..i use it so much…i’m that dude that’ll walk into a room full of elderly white ladies and casually refer to all of em as niggas!
              this white dude called me a nigga, i just laughed at him and told him that he could do better than that

              • Rewind

                Funny thing about that is, nygga is the only deragatory term people use to describe other people that it wasn’t meant to describe. You won’t call an Indian a kyke, or a white girl a chink..it doesn’t feel right. But just coming to any spot and saying “damn, look at all these yella nyggas”…it just sounds RIGHT.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          The first time I heard that word, I was in 7th grade. I wasn’t playing particularly well in this tournament we were playing in, and at halftime my coach called me a “scared sh*tless c*nt.” I didn’t even know what it meant until maybe three years later

      • Rewind

        Caunt is such an awesome word. We need to be more like the British and just use it liberally…because we all run into situations when it’s not only warranted….it’s muthafawkin mandatory.

      • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

        OMG!
        i’d rather be called a bitch than a c*nt anyday.
        it’s such an UGLY UGLY word. ugly. ew.

        then again, i also don’t take people seriously that can’t use their words in an argument and have to resort to name calling.

        *shrugs*

        • Rewind

          Just because I’m falling for you does not mean you get to take away one of my favorite words.

          I can’t do it.

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

          Maybe its a canadian thing, eh?

      • Nanee

        I read somewhere that in London, where c*nt “originated”…it’s not a derogatory word. It’s funny that North Americans use it as such.

    • Njnear

      I agree with using the N word ironically. Are there caveats like where the person saying it is from or the color of their skin?

      I feel like there should be no caveats, either everyone can say it ironically or no one can say it ironically.

  • jojee

    as with n*gga, i know saying b*tch is kinda wrong but at least i don’t use it in mixed company?? (people that might not understand where i’m coming from when i use it.) makes me feel a little less guilty about using both.

    i’ve tried to retire the b-word (as i tried with “n*gga” when barack was elected). so far, no dice. *kanye shrug*

    • Justmetheguy

      “so far, no dice. *kanye shrug*”

      Right. Same here. It almost feels pointless sometimes. As long as a word is familiar and evokes the emotions that the speaker wants to evoke it’s not goin anywhere. That’s what expression is all about…but people do need to be ready to deal with the consequences of using politically charged words tho

      • jojee

        RE: consequences: agreed.

      • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

        +1

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “i’ve tried to retire the b-word (as i tried with “n*gga” when barack was elected). so far, no dice. *kanye shrug*”

      how long did you last?

      • jojee

        umm, until his inauguration i think? i remember him walking outside the safety of the bulletproof car and thinking something like “this n*gga better not get shot…they better not shoot this n*gga…” over and over.

        i’m horrible. :(

        • Third Of August

          This was actually unintentionally hilarious. lol

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “umm, until his inauguration i think? i remember him walking outside the safety of the bulletproof car and thinking something like “this n*gga better not get shot…they better not shoot this n*gga…” over and over. ”

          that’s actually all i thought about during his first speech the night he won. i just wanted him to hurry up and get off stage

          • Deviant

            That was a sentiment shared by many.

            • JessicaL

              Its kinda of like what Katt Williams said it was something like thank you white people you let him serve a whole term and you didn’t kill him. I was praying for him on that day especially.

          • britico chick

            I was suffering hypertension watching him on TV in London, UK and just kept on praying that nothing was about to go down !

          • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

            co-sign.

    • Kandi

      BTW there was two seconds (literally 2) where some hip hop personalities tried to appeal to our better natures by call each other “my obama”.

      • jojee

        no, *THIS* was actually unintentionally hilarious. lolololol

      • thelonius

        don’t forget my michelles

    • Rewind

      It’s pointless to retire words. You’re not supposed to censor yourself, you just say what you feel as long as you know what you are saying and understand the intent behind saying it. The only people who should keep their mouth shut are people who can’t control their mouths.

      Til the day I die, nygga, biooootch, shyte, caunt, muthafawka, and any other cuss word I can think of will be a part of my daily productive vocabulary, and will sound even more awesome if I grow to be an old fart.

  • Iceprincess

    Man, b*tch is an interchangable word. Anything goes. “B*tch, please.” B*tch azz n*gga.” “B*tch, BYE.” So thats my two cents and im out this biiiiiitch!!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      tu motherf*ckin shea

    • nillalatte

      B*tch you always trippin… :D

    • Thai

      Aint this a b*tch

  • Justmetheguy

    Did yall read Champ’s post on VSB yet? That joint was b!tchin….nah, I don’t like that one. But I don’t see how you forgot when talkin about food. “I’ll take a doublecheesburger no pickles….oh yeah, and throw some bacon on dat b!tch” lol

    But seriously when a dude is actin annoying or complaining, it’s always fair game to say “stop actin like a lil b!tch man”. It’s fine because there’s no hurtful gender connotations to be concerned with (just hurt feelings)…lol

    • Royale W. Cheese

      “B*tchin” as an adjective is the most creative use of the word I’ve ever heard. I think I first heard it from Bill and Ted’s Awesome Adventure.

      • Vee Woo

        “B*tchin” is also the name of a pretty good album by the Donnas.

      • Royale W. Cheese

        Oops. Excellent Adventure.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I’ll take a doublecheesburger no pickles….oh yeah, and throw some bacon on dat b!tch” lol

      Damn. I forgot about this one. Bitch is never not cool when used with food.

    • Deviant

      http://youtu.be/iRwz65vKHiU

      Throw some cheese on that b*tch!

  • http://challyshares.tumblr.com Nei Jae

    not a Kobe fan, huh? lol

    i actually had a comment, but i forgot what it was. ain’t that a b*tch

    • Justmetheguy

      Nice. I like what ya did there lol

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      i respect kobe.

      and that’s all i’m going to say about that

      • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

        And in that regard Champ I thank you. I understand y’all don’t like Kobe but if you respect him that’s what’s up.

  • She Who Reads

    The fact that the purpose of this post was to mercilessly attack Kobe Bryant months before basketball season, though? Genius, Young Champ. Genius. As you were.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      shhh. his stans are coming. i can smell the purple and gold stench from a mile away

      • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

        Sir can I get a legit reason why you detest my ninja Kobe?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          no

        • Deviant

          He’s a b*tch. That’s reason enough.

      • She Who Reads

        Not here! I bump for Bosh.

  • http://www.twitter.com/mcnairian5 fiveisthenumber

    The generic “ain’t that ’bout a bitch” and it’s derivatives come in handy in many situations that require the use of irony, sarcasm, and the like.