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The 10 Real Reasons Why So Many Black Women Are So Damn Single

Who they all should aspire to be

Who they all should aspire to be

While on one of those time-wasting and slightly creepy journeys through Facebook the other day—you know, when you click on one status and click on a tagged pic and click on another status and all of a sudden, you’re here—I came across this:

3.  Get in shape

We know, we know….we are shallow, misogynistic heathens. But guess what, we are men. We are visual creatures. We know what we like. For most of us sans a small segment of chubby chasers, some of us don’t like the biggens. It is what it is. You can’t realistically be pushing two spins and then wonder why the cute guy on your bus stop with the ripped up arms and flat stomach just doesn’t seem to be into you.

and this…

9. Know your role

One of the primary reasons the fellas will put your ass on waivers is because the woman cannot or will not play her position. I don’t mean be submissive or look the other way if he’s being shady. I mean be a friend if he wants a friend, be a great lover if that’s what it is, be a girlfriend if both of you decide that’s the right thing to do. Nothing will get you put into the “f–k buddy” file faster than demanding or taking privileges designed for someone you are not. If you are not his girlfriend, why are you checking his phone or asking where he was last night? You can’t force a man into anything he doesn’t want to do. Earn his trust and admiration before you earn his ire.

 

…each parts of The Things That Keep A Woman Single — a 10 point list from Chicago-area flame fanner Evan Moore that quite a few of my friends shared on their profiles.

Although reading it felt like I was in a time machine—the piece and the video attached to it felt very October of 2009-ish—I thought Moore made some good points. My only issue was that Moore didn’t do more. (See what I did there?) While well-intentioned, the list was too pandering, too nice, and too thirsty for likes and direct messages.

Me? The only thing I’m thirsty for is the truth, and the only thing I’m nice at is basketball. And while I appreciate Moore’s efforts, here are the 10 real reasons why so many sistas are so damn single. 

1. They’re not Zooey Deschanel.

No piece about the laundry list of issues facing this generation of increasingly faulty Black women can begin without acknowledging their biggest problem:

They’re not White women.

If they’re not White women, they can’t be Ellen Page. And if they can’t be Ellen Page, they damn sure can’t be Zooey Deschanel. And, if they can’t be Zooey Deschanel, what educated Black man in his right mind would even bother retweeting her text?

2. They wear too much damn lotion.

More than anything, this proves how silly these “sistas” are. How the hell do they expect a man to catch them if their arms are too slippery to hold on to?

3. At least one of them slept with the barber of Stevie J’s little cousin seven years ago.

Why buy the cow when you can make it rain with free milk tokens?

4. They all voted for Obama.

Who in their right mind would marry a woman dumb enough to vote for a man who was dumb enough to marry a Black woman?

5. Sometimes, when men visit their houses to pick them up for dates, they might answer the door fully-dressed and invite the man inside for a glass of water. While the man is sitting on the couch and drinking water, he might accidentally reach his hand into the couch crevice and land on an old hair curler. 

IT’S PROOF THAT SOME OF THESE BLACK BITCHES BE WEARING HAIRCURLERS AND SCARVES AT NIGHT SOMETIMES!

6. They make good men wear condoms.

We know they let Ray-Ray the Milkman and Lil Shitty hit raw indiscriminately. We see their bad-ass kids getting caught stealing tennis balls and Naked Juice in Target, so we know they belong to at least one of them.

But, when they decide to date a good man with a good (pre-paid) legal job who wants to bust some good, hard-earned, God-fearing, nuts inside of them, they all of a sudden want to use protection.

7. While they were flicking channels during a Hannibal commercial break last spring, they caught a few minutes of an episode of Scandal

You know what “Olivia Pope” rhymes with?

You ever gonna get married? Nope!” and “Bed wench.”

8. They think they’re too good for Chinese men.

They can rock the Chinese man’s nail accessories, do the Chinese man’s yoga, wear the Chinese man’s wigs, and even eat the Chinese man’s Thai food, but somehow they’re too damn good to be the Chinese man’s wife.

9. They love Black men too much.

I mean, have you seen a Black man lately? I have. Shit, I do every time I look in the mirror. I would not marry someone who looks like me. And, if I wouldn’t marry me, how can I trust someone who would?

10. Someone once told them that going to church wasn’t a bad thing to do if you happened to believe in God. So, some of them go to church. Some even join church groups.

And who in their right mind would marry someone with no daddy and a White Jesus?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Filed Under: ,
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • SororSalsa

    Do #3 and #9 count in your list?

  • C.D. Beatrice Clay

    I can’t……..stop laughing. All of it’s true except the 10 things you said.

  • ChaoticDiva

    Why do I feel like more often than not, your sarcastic points describe some of the guys I seem to run into (primarily the ones that don’t like black women – that happen to be black men)? Did you do a case study on corn fed black folks from Paleskinville, Indiana? I want a list of names so I know to dodge them like the plague.

    • Sahel

      Camille will know. Shes from those parts

      • IcePrincess

        And Cam will kick your azz, too.

    • keisha brown

      *and some men on twitter. and this blog.

  • iamnotakata

    SOo I really thought we were about to find out why we weren’t getting chose….I thought someone had finally figured out the complicated a*s physics equation that is the struggle of the educated black woman…but okay lol

    • HRH Prince Farouk I

      You know there is probably a complex equation that explains all of this, why hasnt someone created a relationship simulator or some ish like that. lol

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        dont we have to cure cancer and fix the economy first

        • HRH Prince Farouk I

          Lol, true that. But hey somebody somewhere might be the Good Will hunting of this ish

        • keisha brown

          bwahahahahahahahahaaaaa

    • Shamira

      The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything : 42.

  • TheOtherJerome

    You know, the reality is that Black woman and Black men both have challenges when it comes to meeting someone. So why are just the women singled out?

    And uh, Champ….. You should have posted a trigger warning next to that link at the top of the page. republicans give me the heebie jeebies.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      single black men arent singled out because we’re supposed to eat chef boyardee and call it italian cuisine…

      • LMNOP

        Actually, that life sounds a lot worse than a single woman’s.

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

          I’m sleep

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

          I’m sleep

    • Todd

      Eh…on the bright side, if I had to choose between right wing White chicks and left wing White chicks, I’d prefer the ones on the right. At least the humping wouldn’t have deeper political meaning. :)

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

      “You know, the reality is that Black woman and Black men both have challenges when it comes to meeting someone. So why are just the women singled out?”

      I think a lot of it has to do with Black women being the most vocal about it. Then the relationship “experts” decide to have a field day with the topic.

      • Todd

        True. A ninja that’s single is either just busy hanging with his people, pursuing his own interests and checking out PirateBay and KickA$$Torrents for the latest releases whenever he needs a “release”.

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

          Define “release”, Todd. If it is what I think it is, then…well…you know…

          • Todd

            It is what you think it is. LOL

        • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

          theres a small group of men out there butthurt about being single and are on the twitters and instagrams with fake deep quotes about his future #her and how a real man needs a nubian queen…the terry cloth soft dudes ARE out there, i’ve seent em with my own eyes lol

          • Todd

            The thing is no gender is winning this war. Perhaps we should start a service fixing up these fake deep dudes with the fake deep chicks I run into on various social media networks. I figure let them mess each other up, with the possibility of a few of them actually learning what deep stuff is. LOL

            • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

              But seriously, WHAT exactly do you win? If you feel like having to keep yourself company is a death sentence, you’ve already lost. I never EVER understood singledom as a terminal disease. YOU dont even wanna spend time with yourself, what makes you think I want to?!?! Being single and being chose are apples and oranges; they can both be amazing or torturous depending on how you swing it. Outside of having a consistent source for chex and someone to pass time with, being boo’d up shouldnt be that much more amazing than being with yourself….maybe I’m too optimistic and naive in these streets, but I reminisce on my single days with joy and glee lol #RoyalOats

              • Todd

                The sad thing is that so many people need someone to validate their existence, like they aren’t worth without it. Also, there’s a subset within that who gets what little esteem their have based on what they do to genitalia. I figure if they date each other, it’ll leave the world safer for everyone else.

                Though that consistent source for chex is a good thing, no doubt. :)

                • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                  Sometimes being that single squirrel looking for a nut CAN be a full time job, but the fun is in the chase!!!
                  But yeah, validation is a helluva drug lol

                  • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                    problem with the drug of external validation is you gotta up the dose every time. might be subtle but if you don’t break the habit, eventually you may crash and burn. and then you got nothinn except a wreck. which is .. messy. yes. but also, a place to begin again ~*~

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      I think my daddy did a great job raising me to love myself, because being single is like a damn vacation!! I get to lock myself away and write and paint and drink entire bottles of wine and not have to check in with anyone!!! And then when I feel like it, I can venture out and find a warm body to lay under with no pressure or obligation, then go RIGHT back into my reclusion!!

                    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                      ~ I think my daddy did a great job raising me to love myself

                      this right here ! shout out to all the amazing fathers in this world. shout out some more. YEAAA ~*~

                  • Todd

                    I can’t upvote this enough. Getting that external validation can be like crack, and I know you’ve OD’ed a few times and ended up in a few dumb situations…

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      I dont think validation is my drug. My problem is that I’m insatiable. Ego is my poison. I wanna know I can get you, and I will stop at nothing to conquer someone I’ve set my sights on. I cant get enough of the thrill of the chase…Locked and loaded, and THAT has led me into some REALLY dumb situations lol.

                  • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                    Validation is easy and free online.

                • Yoles

                  i will admit… engaging in physical relations with people who use coitus for self esteem is something else though… i’m telling you vsb peeps, that needs to be on your bucket list!!

                  that.is.all

              • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                ~ But seriously, WHAT exactly do you win?

                ego boost. bragging rights. short term goals fulfilled, long terms dreams deferred.

                • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                  True. I DO brag about my lady to anyone willing to listen lol **whips out wallet full of pics**

              • 321mena123

                I just shed a tear. Well said Bunni. *shouts and gives praise to Jesus*

                • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                  Gmorning sugar….I’ve started a petition regarding your avi. #Justice4MenasAvi #IamMenasFace

                  • 321mena123

                    It won’t happen again. I forgot that i have three friends who read this blog and the comments section. I will not be called out for being on VSB ALL D@MN DAY with yall.

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      I’m on here all damn day too lol…

                      **sniffles, wipes tears away** well, you are beautiful dah-ling. And I need a skin regimen like yours lol

                    • 321mena123

                      Thanks. You are too sweet this morning. The skin is genetics. I didn’t even realize i had it until strangers started complimenting me. However, i have mentioned on this site before that aveeno and CeraVe are the way to go. All of the other lotions don’t work for my skin.

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      My Ambi cleanser and moisturizer has been working miracles as of late, but I’ve heard good things about CeraVe. And Sonia Kashuk has this matte face primer that LITERALLY makes the shiny t-zone disappear!! I feel like a magician in the morning lmao

                    • BreezyX2

                      I might have to check this primer out. A few weeks ago I purchased the Monistat face primer and I am not pleased but I will not buy another product until its all done. #recoveringproductjunkie

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      NO. I demand you go get it. At target, think its like $10. Its not chalky, its like a clear lightweight gel that CHANGED MAH LIFE FO EVAAAA

                      (I attached the pic for reference lol)

                    • BreezyX2

                      *faints* Wait annnnnnnnnnnddddddddddd its in my favorite store too…Bunni don’t you know I am a recovering Target addict as well?!?!? Why must you do this to me!!! I don’t need another reason to go in there. True store, yesterday had force my car to cut across 4 lanes of traffic to stop myself from pulling into Target.

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      The trick is to go in there with exactly the amount of money you need and nothing more. No credit cards, nothing. If that primer is $10, bring no more than $15 cash with you lol

                    • BreezyX2

                      Won’t work for me because I NEVER, I repeat NEVER have cash. Plus I have their Red Card, which is tied to my checking account and that pull of that 5% discount on each purchase is the debil.

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      Dang Breezy, you’re too far gone!! I’ll just mail you some lol….asking you to go into target is like putting gin in a recovering alchy’s hand!!

                    • BreezyX2

                      But there is method to my madness because everything I buy is on CLEARANCE. Red clearance tag or nothing!!!!

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      I just bought sinus medicine on red clearance yesterday…and I aint got nann sniffles lol

                    • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

                      The only reason I started working is to buy stuff at Target.

                    • BreezyX2

                      LMBO…I knew there was another reason why i like you :)

                      *e-hugs my Target sister*

                    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                      Have you ever used glycerin soap? It’s completely natural. That’s the only kind of soap I use on my face.

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      I make and sell glycerin soap, so i def use it, but I try not to get high off my own supply lol

                    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                      Lol. Dang, Bunni, you’re an expert. I wish I could make my own soap. Do you make it all kinds of fancy with fruit and such in it?

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      lol, I’ve made it with oatmeal, lavender buds, and rose petals…but I’ve had most fun just making different color combinations and shapes

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      I’ve never shamelessly plugged, but here ya go lol
                      http://www.TheNewEve.com

                    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                      *Hugs Bunni*

                      Oh my, your site is so nice! I can’t wait to order something!

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      ::smiles:: awww shucks Val :-)

                    • BreezyX2

                      Bunni: What do you recommend for fading dark marks/scars? My daughter’s skin scars easily so she has a lot of spot due to scratching insect bites. Its drives me crazy but I don’t know what to use to fade them.

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      if you wanna go the natural route, Val was right about raw cocoa and shea butter…but be warned that the fade process is a lot slower that way. Theres also OTC products like Ambi Fade Cream and Bio Oil that I’ve used as well. The marks arent gone, but they are getting lighter….

                    • BreezyX2

                      Thank you!!!

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      Neosporin right after she gets the bite helps, too….the sooner you start treating the mark, the easier it is for them to go away, the older the scar is, the harder (and tell her stop picking and scratching lol)

                    • BreezyX2

                      I have her “patting” instead of scratching :)…but sometimes at night I can hear her RACKING her skin and I go bananas!

                    • LMNOP

                      My daughter does this too, it drives me crazy. She is pretty much polka dotted now. It is so hard to get her to stop scratching.

                    • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

                      waaaait, you make/sell soap?? where?! i drive -_-. I am an addict for scents!

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      Youre in Atlanta, right?? I can def hand deliver your order lol

                    • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

                      chea! looking at your site now and scheming lol.

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      lol, just lemme know mamacita, I have just about every scent under the sun, so if you have a favorite scent, drop me an email and I’ll get it for you :-)

                    • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

                      forrrrrr sure! I just spent two months’ allowance on electronics, so I won’t be able to hit you up til Oct, but then it’ll be my bday, so (drops it like it’s hot) yay!

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      ayeeeee!!

                    • Yoles

                      @bunni_bella:disqus where is the link to above mentioned site?!?!?!?!

                    • BreezyX2

                      Aveeno Positively Radiant product line is glorious!!!

                    • 321mena123

                      People don’t want to spend the extra money for either of those lotions but will get upset when, by noon, their skin feels like a cactus. You should only have to apply lotion ONCE in the morning. That’s it. Also, dark skin is prone to discoloration. I am trying my hardest to stop this before it even starts.

                    • BreezyX2

                      It is definitely worth the investment. Plus I get $2.00 coupons for Aveeno all the time!

                    • 321mena123

                      HOW?!?

                    • BreezyX2

                      They are usually in the newspaper or I get notices of them through this site I follow called: Dealseekingmom.com

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      discoloration fears are what led me to Ambi. Their cleanser can be a lil aggressive, but their daily moisturizer is wonderful to me

                    • 321mena123

                      I have never used their products but have heard that they turn your skin lighter. Is this a myth? I can’t even remember where i heard it from.

                    • BreezyX2

                      My mom has used Ambi for more than 40 years and she is dark skinned….so the skin lightening thing is definitely a myth where she is concerned.

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      I’ve been using it for about a year now, and I’m still chocolatey….but the small marks and discoloration I had arent as noticeable anymore. I think their fade cream is the only one that may legit change ya. #GotALightskinnedFriendLookLikeMichaelJackson

                    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                      Pure cocoa butter, Bunni! It really works to even skin tone.

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      Remember I told you Im a DIY queen, so i have the raw shea and cocoa butter on DECK! lol….coconut oil is slowly turning into my head to toe solution to everything lol

                    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                      I LOVE shea butter!

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      mixed with a lil vanilla oil and it is DIVINE!!

                    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                      That sounds good.

                    • LMNOP

                      I LOVE cocoa butter. And it smells so good.

                    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                      It does smell good.

                    • LMNOP

                      That sounds familiar to me too. Maybe they have a skin lightener too, that they sell in other countries, a lot of skin care companies do.

            • http://www.blackyoda.tumblr.com/ Black Yoda

              “No one wins. One side just loses more slowly.” – Prez :o)

          • Rachmo

            DEAD

          • Yonnie

            A Black man who vocally expresses a desire to have one special Black woman in his life = butthurt and terry cloth soft? Is it any wonder they act the way that they do?

            • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

              Nah, theres a HUGE difference between someone who expresses a desire to have one special lady in their life and the soft men I refer to. The pinterest-worthy cheesy quotes and glittery memes with a couple kissing in the background is doing the most and the very definition of Egyptian cotton silk satin terry cloth soft lol

              • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                taste is like water, it seeks its own level ~

                • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                  To each his own

              • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                Hey, leave Drake out of this.

                • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                  teeehehehehe

          • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

            More than a small group of men are upset about being single. Just a small group of them are willing to admit it.

      • Obsidian Files

        @PA:
        Indeed – what is fascinating to me is that Sistas want to be vocal and stop traffic with these topics, but then get all hot and bothered when anyone other than them notices and decides to opine on the matter – and like I said the other day, the Black Relationship Expert Business Complex(TM) – of which VSB is most definitely a part – is virtually solely geared to Black Women themselves.

        So…what’s the big deal that others wish to give their take as to how and why so many Black Women are so single and so upset about it?

        Could it have anything in the least to do with the remote possibility that at least some of those outsider observations could have a ring of TRUTH to them?

        Hmm?

        O.

        • keisha brown

          no.

          • Obsidian Files

            YES. Please see today’s commentary by yours truly above…

            O.

        • Rachmo

          Hola. I was single for 2.5 years and got all kinds of unsolicited reasons and advice and so on and so forth. And then my very good Black male friend summed it up for me. I was single bc I wasn’t able to find the right fit for me. I know plenty of not so nice women of all races with very nice bfs/husbands bc the guy just digs her. Why? Heck I don’t know but if he likes it I love it.

          IMO it comes down to two people meeting each other by happenstance and then deciding they can handle each other’s crazy. That is why I personally get so annoyed when people tell me why I’m not married and what I need to change. I think it’s easier for people to accept themselves how they are and look for the other person that can rock with it. Maybe I’m just a dreamer but when the timing is right, and the right man for me comes along, and all will fall into place.

          • Obsidian Files

            @Ms. Rachmo:
            If I may, by definition my comments were NOT aimed at YOU, due to what you said above; I am talking about those Black Women who are indeed quite vocal about being single/alone/etc. I am addressing them.

            As well I should.

            O.

            • Rachmo

              **rereads O’s comment** I see what you’re saying. However I’d still rely on not the right time/right guy defense as there are tons of a$$hats getting chose daily.

              • Obsidian Files

                @Ms. Rachmo:
                Yes, timing IS a very important factor in the mix that I’ve found both Men and Women seem not to take into account when considering matters of mating and the like; and yes, A$$hats do get selected quite a bit by the ladies. No doubt about it.

                Nevertheless, a HUGE reason as to why so many (vocal) Sistas are indeed single, has at least as much to do with their own decisions, than anything else. I’ll have more to say about this in the thread following my “today’s commentary” post above…

                O.

                • Rachmo

                  “and yes, A$$hats do get selected quite a bit by the ladies” Hahahaha I got the eloquent Obsidian to say a$$hats which I count as a victory. Welcome down to my level O, there’s Miller Lite here.

                  • Obsidian Files

                    @Ms. Rachmo:
                    Admittedly, such crude language is so not my style, but I wanted to be sure we could understand each other.

                    Also: no beer for me; I’m a strictly suit and tie wearing, tea drinking fellow…

                    ;)

                    O.

                    • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

                      “Admittedly, such crude language is so not my style, but I wanted to be sure we could understand each other.”

                      :::Dies laughing:::

                    • Jane Doe

                      You’re an idiot

          • JayRich

            How many men and women of the black community have to die alone before we get it. WE have the highest out of wedlock child bearing in America, We have the 2nd highest divorce rate in America. The sad thing is that we are the minority in this country and if we weren’t we would have the highest divorce rate for sure then. We have the highest high school dropout rate and the lowest college graduates. We have the highest same race on same race killings. We have the highest population in prison. We have the highest high blood pressure rate, we have the highest heart disease rate. We have the highest HIV/AIDS growing cases in America. We have the highest growing Gay minority rate in America. We seem to have the highest worse stuff in America. We have resorted back to the coon attitude. Look at us on television shows. For money we do just about anything. Hey I don’t care about the numbers and stats of the other ethnicities. This is about us, and so until I see different I will focus on the short comings of us because for some odd reason we as a people seem to believe we are doing alright. When I walk outside my house and I see married couples 9 out 10 they’re non-black. I hear being single is the easiest way to have a baby momma or a baby daddy. But this is becoming the norm, forget the child, as long as we can do what we feel because being single means freedom. “All the daddy has to do is pay child support!” half don’t and when they do that doesn’t make a difference in the kids mental well being. Or you hear “I don’t have to live in the same house as my kids, whatever they want I got them!” On top of all that Mothers are teaching their kids UNKNOWINGLY though, to be terrible wives and their sons to be terrible men. I say the mother because she usually is the one that ends up raising the kids by herself. I know what you guys are probably thinking the man should’ve been there or should be there, but I say this, if you are so strong of a black woman why is it that your excuse for be single and raising a child by yourself the black mans fault? The kids need a man and you don’t, but the kids suffer cause you are a strong black woman right? The kids may not need their biological father because he may not be fit to be father but they do need a man. Contrary to what a lot of us believe you can find a man to be an influence in your kids lives and it doesn’t matter what race he is as long as he is willing to be a father figure in a principle driven manner. Now being single is a choice but it definitely is a choice out of fear! Why is it fear? Because when most people say they are single by choice it goes just like this, ” I’m single because I haven’t found the right one!” or “I’m single because God hasn’t sent them to me!” or “I’m single because it just hasn’t happen yet!” or I’m single by choice because I not going to settle!” or “I’m single because men are no good!” or “I’m single because women aren’t no good and they’re selfish!” All those excuses or “choices” are based on outside influences. The real excuse should sound like this, “I’m single because something outside myself is influencing me and I have no control over my choice and plus I’m perfect and if I let just anyone in my life I will be settling and then I’m destined to lose!” If no human is perfect WHAT IS settling? Women are falling for that WAIT preaching from the pulpit! Men that preach are still human but some are two “God bless you!” from being a manipulating pimp, playing on that emotional string attached to your heart. Most women I see were raised by their mother only and most men I see were raised by their mother and so what do we get, a woman and a man that were both raised by a single woman who was raised by a single woman. Imagine the dilemma or just think about your life. Now I’m not trying to relieve a father from his responsibility but when it’s a woman’s “choice” to be single even when the father has NEVER claimed the kid nor been around he can’t be blamed for the way HER daughters and sons behave. Now he can be blamed for the way they look! lol Fear is the reason most of us are single either we are afraid we won’t measure up or we are afraid that someone out their will probably not fit the script. It’s out fear either way. But God has instructions to get past fear. So if we wait on something to fall out the sky we have God mistaken!

            It gets worse when we wait, UNLESS! You know that saying, ” Good things come to those who wait!” That was a lie on God. Good things come to those who work hard at living a principled driven life. You know the that life that is sought after through the instructions left by God. God gave us free will but he also gave us some instructions for growth and greatness. A Good man or Good woman doesn’t just come along and fall in our lives! We have to be ready, in other words, we have to be the man or woman that A person with God given sense, I mean a person with a conscience, you know a character that screams look at me I have integrity, and I will keep your trust and what you see is what you get and my transparency proves it! This type of person, you know one that could place their current life style on display and could be a star witness for Jesus. Now if you don’t believe in Jesus and I’m not talking about the white guy with long blonde hair and blue eyes but the Man that’s written about in the Bible, please excuse me then.

            • saywhoandwhat?

              THAT”S NOT HOW FRACTIONS AND PERCENTAGES WORK SIR!!!! Yikes.

              “WE have the highest out of wedlock child bearing in America, We have the 2nd highest divorce rate in America. The sad thing is that we are the minority in this country and if we weren’t we would have the highest divorce rate for sure then.” NO SIR. Percentages are about ratios so even if our population grew and our divorce rate grew at the same speed then the percentage would remain exactly the same whether we were minorities or not. Lawd have mercy. Its just math. Also your statistics are just wrong. The out of wedlock birth rate of YOUNG black women (AND MEN because the stork doesn’t bring babies) is higher than whites but the overall rate (ALL AGES) of single mothers ( not just st the moment of birth) is still higher among white women because their marriages go bad ASAP. Also Pew has some interesting stats on the success rates of black and asian women’s interracial marriagesas compared to those of men and white women. DON’T worry, we know how to keep a family together fellas you just gotta help out by proposing in the first place.

              • Loe

                I went back to that part too, and thought similarly. Although, I get the gist of what JayRich is saying, and agree with the basic message. You made me think, saywhoandwhat. :-) Well said.

                Yes, if the number of divorces grew proportionately to an increase in population, then the divorce rate (which can be viewed as a percentage) would stay the same.

                Divorce Rate = #ofdivorces / population

            • OlderWoman

              Your comment is one of the best, most heartfelt, most honest comments I’ve read in weeks. Thanks and God Bless You.

          • PoeticObscurePretentiousName

            Hands down the most intelligent, real, heart-felt and beautifully articulated comment I’ve ever read. Blessings sis.

        • saywhoandwhat?

          I think the problem is that just because some black women have a problem and are vocal about it, it doesn’t mean that all black women consider it a problem. That’s stereotyping. That’s why I don’t like it. DOn’t tell me something you heard some other black lady say about her life like that mess is supposed to be relevant to me and I’m not allowed to be an individual with my own life and reasons for making the choices I’ve made about which men to marry and not to marry.

      • 321mena123

        I do know men who would love to have someone to come home to that understands them. Both gay and straight. They have given up too.

        • h.h.h.

          can’t speak on the gay, but given up is an accurate sentiment.

          • 321mena123

            Which makes me sad and discouraged.

            • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

              Don’t be. You will find that special someone but the will be a person you least expected.
              Case in point: It’s well documented here that I ridiculed short women on a regular basis. I have a preference for taller women and when I found Miss Alchemist, she was everything I wanted in a woman- except that she was five foot three. Her positive qualities far outweighed the fact that she was short.

              • BreezyX2

                Didn’t you know that the best gifts come wrapped in small packages :)

                • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

                  I figured either you or Kema would say something like that, LMAO!!!!

                  • Kema

                    She beat me to it! I did a little dance in my seat hearing about your short missus. :-)

                    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

                      Did that little dance involve a slight twerk or a violent shimmy? LOL!

                    • Kema

                      There was nothing slight about my twerk. lol!

                • Yoles

                  Nope

                  • BreezyX2

                    LOLOLOLOL….I mean in terms of height Aunty Yoles…only height. I know your package is a

                    voluptuous plus size :)

                    • Todd

                      She’s also 5’11” Breezy.

                    • Yoles

                      5’9 1/2″ but we call it 5’10” to make it easy ;)

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      ooohhhh you’re stacked!!

                    • Todd

                      Down Bunni! You’re a taken woman now! Down I say! No motorboating!

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      I will forever be a motorboating dirty sailor!!! Dont you try to clip my wings…let me FLY!!!

                    • Sahel

                      SMH

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      here YOU go!!

                    • Sahel

                      This is a post for single black women. You should go to the corner and look pretty

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      oh, so youre a single black woman I suppose?? #BoyBYE, youre lucky i love you like a play cousin!!

                    • Sahel

                      Am a lesbian. Got a problem with that

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      That didnt answer my question, Smelvin Van Peebles!!

                    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                      a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. intriguing ..

                    • Sahel

                      Its not that bad. Other than constantly wanting to soap Bunnis boobies and motorboat them,am good

                    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                      but the soap will get in your eyes that way….safety first, Sahel. Grab some goggles lol

                    • Kema

                      With our respective heights her boobies come to my face so yea I can confirm… she’s stacked all right. lol!

                    • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                      Shes so ergonomically sound!!

                    • BreezyX2

                      *removes foot from mouth* Oh wow, I had no clue Yolie was that tall.

              • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

                LOL. I’d say ouch, except preference is preference. I’m tempted to ask what your ridicule for my short sistren looked like :). I honestly think I’ve heard everything in the book.

                • Todd

                  Well, I’m afraid of hurting them by accident and/or being accused of $exual assault/pedophilia. I’m not Jerry Sandusky or R. Kelly thank you! I need women who are built Ford tough, not Hyundai tough.

                  • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

                    Bruh, I’m a Smart ForTwo.: made of air and highly flippable.

                  • Kema

                    *waves a dismissive hand at todd* I’ve dated taller with my 5’1.5 self.

                • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

                  As you know, most short women have a tendency to run off at the mouth. So I hit them with a death blow. Instead of going in like I usually do, I issue threats to them. Basically, I tell them “Keep talking and I’ll hide the nearest ladder and phone books from you!” LMAO!

            • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

              Miss Mena ~ don’t mourn what is not yours to grieve. those who deny themselves love have none to give and are unwilling to receive. an open heart will never close even if it needs time away. but for those who close and shall not return, death is all but a waiting game ..

              • 321mena123

                Knowledge dropped. I agree Esa. It’s just sad that people have given up. I tell people all the time, once you leave school, it simply becomes harder to find someone b/c the available in your face pool just isn’t there anymore. That doesn’t mean you should give up though. It will just take more time. EVERYTHING in life is about luck and timing.

                • h.h.h.

                  ” It will just take more time.”

                  for some, time is fleeting. and the hourglass cant be turn’d upside down again.

                  • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                    time is an illusion. if you believe it to be fleeting, it is. thoughts can be dangerous if they are less than positive.

                    • h.h.h.

                      i see what you’re saying….but …

                      nvm.

                    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                      Mister Triple, you are, i am sure, much younger than me, so if i may say, time is what you make it to be. i’ve found that age has only served to improve my life on each and every front. it is, of course, your choice to believe or disbelieve, and i’m not here to tel you how to think, only that purrhaps you might wish to consider that there are other approaches, ones that uplift rather than disappoint ~*~

                    • h.h.h.

                      you’re right, m’lady.
                      :)

                    • Rachmo

                      This is weird, me and my sister are having the exact same convo on gchat as we speak. I’m Esa and my sister is you.

                    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                      Psychic Friends Network ~*~

                  • 321mena123

                    I agree with this. I am no longer “young” but patience is something that’s needed in life.

              • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                **praise dances in the aisles**

                goodness gracious Esa!!!! I gotta remember to talk to my fiancee about you being our officiant!!!

                • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                  (smile) i wanted to tell you ~ i am having problems with that email address i gave you. so whenever you are ready to chat, let me know and i’ll make sure to get you an email that works ~

                  • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

                    You best believe I shall!

            • h.h.h.

              why? everyone make their own choices, for every action is an equal reaction. some cats will never get that.

              just don’t let their energy infect your vibe.

              • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

                *singing*
                B*tch, don’t kill my vibe…b*tch, don’t kill my vibe!
                I can feel your energy from like two planets away…

          • Yoles

            Noooooooooooooo don’t you’re a great guy

            • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

              Yeah, you’re a bagful of yes lawd, dont give up hope!

            • 321mena123

              He has me intrigued.

          • Obsidian Files

            @Mr. Triple H:
            Please see my commentary above; something tells me that you may just be able to relate…

            O.

            • Yoles

              Obie don’t you dare go & start whispering evil in HHH ear & making him strongly dislike women & want to avenge any previous heartache or non choosing that happened in the past on some unsuspecting women of the current!!!!!!!

              • Todd

                *Movie Trailer Voice Guy Voice* In a world…where women do men dirty, one man has decided to strike back. *man strides up to the camera and stares at it* Nurture THIS, b*tches! *montage of dude slaying women in bed, then leaving them, hustling out their money and generally leaving women in tears* Revenge Of The Nerd. Coming This Christmas.

                Though considering historical events, I would like to have a few months of that revenge fantasy. LOL

                • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                  revenge fantasy……exactly.

        • “M”

          You tell the nice straight ones to come holla. A good sista is on the lookout. :-)

          ?

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        The media sensed it could make money off of Black women and that’s why we hear so much about it, PA.

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

          That’s why I said what I did in the second sentence. You’d be surprised at how much money one can make off another’s pain and suffering.

          *looks at medical lawyers*

          • Sahel

            Gotta get paid man

    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

      ~ So why are just the women singled out?

      people tend to feed off attention and women are socialized to make men’s attention the center of their world.

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

    I guess, Champ, you knew if you introduced this as O’s first guest post many of us VSS would have clicked back to netflix. Smart move.

    • Oshun

      *HeYYyyyy*!! *waving* :)

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        Hiya, AM!

        *waving*

    • IcePrincess

      Bwahahahahaaaa!!!

    • Todd

      Wow…so you think O doesn’t like Black women at all, huh? LOL

      • Obsidian Files

        Ms. Val can’t help it – “O-Man on the brain” happens quite frequently with the ladies.

        Just didn’t know it worked on those of the Lesbian persuasion as well; hmm…

        O.

        • keisha brown

          again. no.

          • Obsidian Files

            There, there, Ms. Keisha; no need to get emotional…

            O.

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          Now, see, I didn’t know you actually had a sense of humor! That was funny. Lol.

          • Obsidian Files

            Many things happen once one stops assuming…

            O.

  • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

    The Olivia Pope/Bad Wench had me cackling.

    • Sahel

      Dude,Lupe defended NY from the onslaught of K Dots control verse.Chi town got your back lol

      • IcePrincess

        Lupe is slick hating on kl.

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

          lupe the a*shole always reacting

          • IcePrincess

            I’m sayin! *sings* kl got sensitive rappers feelinsum type of waaaay. Don’tlook like that!

            • 321mena123

              I just heard the song this morning. I had to clutch my chest and turn the station to NPR after his verse. I said out loud “well d@mn.”

              • Rachmo

                Hahaha I went home last night and listened. By the end I was clutching my pearls like oh ok then.

  • I Am Your People

    #1a – You negresses aren’t white women, and keep running up the water bill by using washcloths instead of soap on skin

    #11 – you sleep in headscarves. It’s 117 degrees out, but you got a scarf on?

  • To’Mas Que Fuego

    #6….FIF!

    Number 8 was hilarity. To be honest though, I root for that to happen, but I wouldn’t bet my hard earned money on it lol

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      aint eem right dahntay and nem be crying broke so they dont gotta spend 7 dollars at cvs.

  • JayIzUrGod

    All that was funny. I brought kerosene just in case. Works well with those headscarves and curlers from number 5.

    • IcePrincess

      Daaang, y’all going IN today! Rotflmao