The 10 Blackest Moments From A BET Awards Show I Only Watched An Hour Of Because It Was Long As Shit And I’m Old » VSB

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The 10 Blackest Moments From A BET Awards Show I Only Watched An Hour Of Because It Was Long As Shit And I’m Old

Full disclosure. This will not be a recap of the entire show. Because I did not watch the entire show. Because I’m old as fuck and took a nap at 8pm and woke up at like 10pm. Because old ass niggas take evening naps. And then for the first few moments of watching the awards, I was only kinda, sorta paying attention because I was eating this really delicious cake and some Bermudian ginger beer. So there’s that.

Anyway.

1. Chance accepting the Humanitarian award, and frontin like he didn’t prepare a speech, like a member of the church choir frontin like he didn’t know this was his week to sing the solo.

2. Chance shouting out his cousins during his speech, who happened to be the Blackest named cousins in the history of Blackest named cousins. It’s like they came from a Black-Ass Cousin Name generator.

3. Michelle Obama’s lying ass saying that her and Barack wished they could be there. Especially when we all know they’re just on the first leg of their Sexin On Every Island world tour. Them niggas got fuckin to do. They aint got time for BET’s ass.

4. Michelle showing us her glowing-ass shoulders to remind us of all the shit I just said in #3.

5. New Edition coming through with their wardrobes from the Seasoned Negro Summer Linens aisle at Macy’s. They were definitely Boat Ride and Cabaret chic. I love them.

6. Tyrese being given like seven words to read and still somehow finding a way to fuck them up. This nigga could ruin the ABC song.

7. The moment when Jada Pinkett Smith, Queen Latifah, Tiffany Haddish, and Regina Hall were up there all glistening and shining and glowing and sparkling and shit like bottles of Maybelline in 170 years of uncracked Blackness. Two fucking centuries worth of creaselessness.

8. When Remy Ma basically made it so Nicki Minaj will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever be on BET again.

9. Bobby Brown’s luxurious bathrobe.

10. The countless snafus and misreadings and gaffes and technical difficulties and the fact that this shit aint end until fucking midnight — proving that The BET Awards show is basically a lit ass cookout where the meat ain’t ready till like 6pm. I love us.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • PurpleIntrovert

    So, did anyone catch Kendu’s tweet after Mary’s performance? He’s a petty guy.

    • AKA The Sauce

      Nope…didn’t even know this event was happening

      • cyanic

        Same here.

    • Michelle is my First Lady

      Doing the most. Just move around, Kendu.

  • Queen@
    • Rewind4ThatBehind

      Grumpy Lite Skin N i g g a of the Decade Award goes to……

      • cyanic

        He has etched a lane for himself out of nowhere.

      • AKA The Sauce

        Bruh…how are we bashing Joe for this one. It was justified. Dude was left off the track and got defensive about it. At that point Joe saw him as a clown and wanted no parts of the interview. He only respects one person out that group…the rest of them are basically part of Prince’s crew on the Chapelle show.

        • Rewind4ThatBehind

          I mean…if we are going to talk about rappers having attitudes, that’s an everyday thing. Plus DJ Akedemiks can’t seem to keep himself out of situations where he says stupid stuff to rappers.

          But it had nothing to do with Joe. Joe just aggy all the time. Why be anywhere you don’t want to be then?

    • Does he hate all millennials?! Or just the ones who are doing better than him?

      • cyanic

        Joe’s a millennial himself.

      • Rewind4ThatBehind

        Joe hates everyone that can’t write a 10-minute rant with bars.

      • AKA The Sauce

        I mean…he had a point.

        • L8Comer

          What was it?

          • AKA The Sauce

            I honestly was with him on this. Why are you being so sensitive when the truth is brought out? You were left off the song…deal with it. Also…calling them a group is laughable af. I literally only listen to one person out of the 3. They fun to watch together but as an entire group…nah.

            • L8Comer

              I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.. who was left off a song or what and I really didn’t hear his “point”. I just saw him eye rolling and then getting up and leaving lol. Either way he looks like a hater and he shouldn’t have done the interview with them if he was gonna be an azz

              • AKA The Sauce

                He was set up to fail.

              • MsSula

                Seriously. I had to read it like 3 times, because it made no damb sense.

                • L8Comer

                  i still don’t know. I think he thinks i do and so it’s like we’re continuing a conversation… except idk where it left off cuz I was never part of it. i really still don’t know, lol.

          • MsSula

            Yeah… please explain said point.

  • AKA The Sauce

    All I know about this God awful event (yes I hate the BET awards) is that Joe Budden outed himself as the God of all haters and Chris Brown wears green pants and leans on cars when ish goes down.

    And what did Remy do?

  • Soul Glo Model

    Didn’t watch it. But did get wind of that Joe Budden Chris Brown & Migos supplied the ignorance I feel is needed at these types of events.

    • cyanic

      Ignorance at black functions are counterproductive.

      • Soul Glo Model

        If you have rappers at your shows. Ignorance will follow. Even before that; Safaree and Dreamchasers altercation should’ve alerted people to what time it was.

        • cyanic

          The Source Awards were an invitation for exactly that kind of chaos. BET is a multi-demographic event. And most of the new rappers are weenie hots.

          • Soul Glo Model

            BET knows whats up. They invite entertainers from all over and expect them to navigate accordingly. Sh*ts bound to go left.

            As far as rappers their entourages are concerned. Most rappers don’t fight their own battles, that’s why they pay their weed handlers to get on that.

            I’m just happy people are no longer pretending to like each other for a bag.

            • cyanic

              Were the hip hoppers doing this stuff at the white events I could co-sign. But they choose to boo boo at home instead of elsewhere because they crave acceptance.

              • Soul Glo Model

                I think that’s because Black people know what it is. Even though these things are frowned upon.

                Also, they don’t really see each other outside these events. So its pretty much on site once they bump into each other.

  • Rewind4ThatBehind

    Meanwhile while the BET Awards was being the BET Awards, over here, this happened.

    http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Man-Is-Killed-Near-NY-Moksha-Music-Festival-Authorities-430753733.html

    Saw a video of a woman trying to resuscitate a man after he had been shot. He bled out on the ground & took a final breath.

    So we can’t have anything because feelings.

  • HouseOfBonnets
    • I love me some Asahd! So cute! Such a good baby!

      • KMN

        Meh he a kinda cute baby…he’s cute cuz he’s a baby lmao…I’ve seen cuter…but he’s cute…
        However lets talk about how good jail was to Gucci…he’s moisturized, teeth look GREAT…his suit fits..I can barely see his tat on his face…
        What went down with him in jail? Did he see Jesus? lmao QTNA

        • PurpleIntrovert

          His girl got him on track while he was locked up. She did an interview a while back, and talked about how he would get up when she got up, ate when she ate, worked out, etc.

        • Kas

          So are we pretending homeboy in the shorts jean set in the background doesn’t exist? Who is he, and why is he dressed like that.

          • KMN

            The greatness of Gucci’s teeth blinded me from everything else ROFLOL
            I think he just got whatever invite that MORNING and didn’t have time and said fuck it roflol

          • B-Dot Willz

            Yeah let us not ignore the guy in the Canadian Tuxedo short set.

        • You’re wrong about Asahd, clearly a cutie. When’s the last time you went to your optometrist?

          • KMN

            LMAO he’s cute…but I’ve DEFINITELY seen cuter babies.
            But again I don’t like children so…there’s that (yes I have a child, yes I love her, yes I don’t like her on occasion lmao)
            I mean yeah…he’s baby cute…

            • Kas

              I agree

              • KMN

                THANK YOU!! LMAO

            • I hate children and even I know that Asahd is a cutie patootie.

              • KMN

                ROFL @ hate I LOVE it…

                • Truly terrible creatures. I should know, I was one once. I can tolerate relatives and friends with kids though.

                  • KMN

                    I love children but it’s like more than 2 of yall I can’t…I’m Jim Joneses errbody with kool aid and Benadryl…just enough to get you sleepy…I can’t with all that extra…

                    • I held a one month old this weekend and didn’t know what to do with it. Head flopping everywhere, weird faces, exasperated screams. I was stressed.

                    • KMN

                      ROFL that’s when I hand them directly back to their momma lmao…
                      You should’ve seen me when I held my daughter for the first time…I was SO SCARED…she was in NICU and had wires and tubes all over…I was scared to break her…like how do I do this? what do I do?

                    • Kas

                      NICU is the worst. Can’t imagine if I had to deal with that and my first baby.

                    • KMN

                      Listen it took me a whole DAY to go see her….I was shook…trying to recover (51.5 hours of labor after her being 2 weeks late and a C-section ugh)…I honestly thought I did something wrong…but thank goodness she’s flourishing and makes me want to kill her daily lmao…that’s my BabyGirl

                    • Oh I handed him back immediately. I like babies once they hit that 6 month mark and have more weight on them.

                    • My daughter was in the NICU when she was born, and it was the funniest thing. Now, they didn’t suspect anything really was wrong with her, but because of some meds her mom was on while she was pregnant, they wanted to monitor her a bit. Anyway, I go in there to hold my daughter, and she’s surrounded by these kids on all these different machines. My daughter has like one little monitor attached, and she’s entertained by all these different flashing, beeping machines. It was the wildest thing to watch.

                    • KMN

                      Awww….BabyGirl was in there because she swallowed her meconium and they wanted to make sure she was breathing well…she was all good though thank God…trying to breastfeed her though was a CHORE….I wasn’t producing and my momma swore up and DOWN I was trying to smother her ROFLOL

                    • UrbanNortheast

                      I don’t like infants, especially that young when they don’t really do anything. I like them once they start talking. Toddlers in the “kids say the darndest thing” stage crack me up.

        • Gucci did what you’re supposed to do in jail, but few people actually do: get his act together. He got off the drugs, started working out, and it has definitely changed him.

          • KMN

            COMPLETELY for the better

      • HouseOfBonnets

        I love him lol

    • Michelle is my First Lady

      I love that DJ Khaled is so happy that he’s a father now. And he’s letting it be known

  • HouseOfBonnets

    Also was Tamar lipsyncing?

    • AlwaysPi7

      yes.

      • PurpleIntrovert

        :(

  • Is anyone have problems with VSB & Discus?

    • Val

      Nope, not at the moment.

    • Kas

      I was. Closed my tab and opened a new one.

  • Val

    “…Black-Ass Cousin Name generator.”

    Lol That’s funny

  • AKA The Sauce

    For folks clowning Joe….here’s how it all started. Ackdemics started it…dumbo fell into the trap by getting into his feelings about being left of the song…JOE HAD ENOUGH. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxlCRz0GHVI

    • Joe is a clown and Alphabet whoever can kick rocks for acting like he couldn’t understand what Migos was saying. Just disrespect all around

      • Kas

        I was having problems following him and I come from a long line of people that chew their words.

        • Even if you were having issues, just nod your head and move along. Continuing to say “huhn” was so counterproductive and rude. Who left the gate open for these weak blogger types to “conduct interviews”.

          BET is so lazy with production on all fronts.

      • AKA The Sauce

        Right but everyone talking bout Joe…Akademics gassed that whole thing up.

    • Val

      *wonders who this Joe Budden guy is?*

      • Why is he always so angry though? His blood pressure must stay high alluh da time.

        • Val

          *still wondering who he is?*

          • Some old man seeking validation for weak raps of the past.

            • Val

              A rapper named Joe Budden? That was his rap name?

              • Are you being funny or serious Val? I can’t tell

                • Val

                  Seriously, never heard of the guy.

                  • Pump It Up? That lame song? Consider yourself blessed.

                    • Val

                      Listening to it now. New to me. *shrug*

                • Kas

                  I thought she was being funny.

            • AKA The Sauce

              He has great raps now though

              • NO ONE IS CHECKING FOR A 50 YEAR OLD RAPPER OUTSIDE OF JAY Z.

                • AKA The Sauce

                  Snoop?

                  • You actively seeking out new music from Snoop? No.

                    • AKA The Sauce

                      Snoop no…Snoop Lion…yes

                    • I see you’re just going to continue to try and counter for the sake of countering. You got it man.

                    • AKA The Sauce

                      Thanks because I was running out of ammo.

                    • I was starting to like you but now….

                      https://media.giphy.com/media/ToMjGpO94i2u4PXVUQ0/giphy.gif

                    • AKA The Sauce

                      What list did I make?

                    • The same one Dustin is on.

                    • Val

                      Wow.

                    • AKA The Sauce

                      Super harsh

                    • AKA The Sauce

                      I’m not that bad…yikes

                    • Perspective. YOU don’t think you deserve to be on that list, but it isn’t your list to determine :-)

                    • AKA The Sauce

                      Whatever…you love me…everyone does

                    • My love is reserved for HHH….speaking of, where is he?

                    • AKA The Sauce
                    • Are we ever really done?

                    • AKA The Sauce

                      I’m not rooting for you.

                    • BrothasKeeper

                      Neither/nor.

                    • AKA The Sauce

                      Let me live

          • Deeds
            • Val

              Never heard this. Somehow I missed his career. Thanks.

              • Val, how? Lol this song was everywhere when it dropped. Unless you weren’t listening to the radio at the time.

                • Val

                  Prolly wasn’t listening to radio, especially not rap radio.

              • AKA The Sauce

                How?

        • AKA The Sauce

          Because he continues to see people with less talent with him thrive in the industry that darn near killed him. I honestly think he needs to get out the game for his own peace of mind but I doubt he will.

          • That sounds like a personal problem. Being mad at the success of these young men isn’t doing anything for his pockets. People love talking about how “Millennials are killing XYZ” and here we have this geriatric reject behaving like a 2 year old who can’t have a candy bar.

            • AKA The Sauce

              Agreed….he could find his own lane. Joe speaks the truth and people get mad. He’s basically an older….angrier CTG. He should stick to podcast at this point and keep it pushing.

              • The delivery is everything, why would I be open to what you have to say when you present it with such vitriol and disrespect?

                No.

                I hope Migos keeps thriving and that Joe continues spiraling down whatever dark path he’s set on.

                • AKA The Sauce

                  Yikes….that seemed heartfelt

                • Val

                  Migos aren’t one hit wonders?

                  • No ma’am. They’re on the tail end of a very lucrative summer tour with Future.

                    • Val

                      “They’re on the tail end of a very lucrative summer tour with Future.”

                      That was funny to me for some reason. Lol

                    • Either waaaaaaaaay they’re doing well still. Unlike Joe Budden’s salty behind.

                • You’re right. The problem is that Joe Budden threw away his own chance at success due to his own issues, and he needs to find peace and move on.

                  • Why is that so hard for him? You’re not going to be a household name for rapping. Let that hurt go.

                    • Unfortunately, he isn’t the only person having trouble letting stuff go. He’s wrong for what he’s going through, but let’s not pretend he’s the only dude out there for hip-hop, let alone what other fields there are.

                    • But we are talking about him today not those other people. We all know there are men in hip hop who need to put their proverbial d i c k s away and realize that the pissing contest is over for them.

                    • Kas

                      We don’t say this often enough, but you have the best skin. Carry on.

                    • Awww Kas, that’s so sweet of you! Tell your wife that you deserve a nice meal of your choosing tonight, maybe some tail to go with it!

                    • Kas

                      Not necessarily in that order. Wink

                    • Would you have the energy to eat after that? What’s your workout regimen like? I thought about going to the gym this morning but ehhhh

                    • Kas

                      Yes I would, I’m a well preserved 50. Workout routine, 4 to 5 times a week. Hour of weight and 40 minutes of cardio.

                    • Like a fine wine huh? Lol That’s alright. Keep up the good work

      • PurpleIntrovert

        His body of work as a storyteller is great, but he admits to not having it all together. He struggles

      • Talented MC, but crazy. He’s not even crazy in an interesting and compelling way. He just has capital I Issues with mental health. It makes for great reality TV (see The Situation coking the F out on the last season of Jersey Shore), but it doesn’t make for a functional human.

      • He hits girls too…allegedly.

        • Val

          Okay, now I have a reason not to care who he is.

    • Kas

      For the record, no way I’m letting 3 guys dressed like them beat me up. It’s the principality of the thing.

      • AKA The Sauce

        They look like they wanted to hang out with Prince.

    • PurpleIntrovert

      Yea, it was the other guy that started it off. I’m a girl, and it’s no way in heck Imma let some throw up/mashed up/Starburst looking group of guys with permanent yeast infection pants run up on me.

      • Kas

        I said something similar below.

    • Jae Starz

      Someone give Joe a hug. I get it. New “hip hop” is trash but you don’t have to be disrespectful to them. But also don’t be no punk bish. They are dressed like my Grandma’s living room furniture.

    • Rewind4ThatBehind

      Still not vouching for Joe on this one.

      It was all Akadumbass.

      Joe aint even have nothing to gain from being that annoyed. That’s tough guy sh*t on both ends but that’s all on Akadoodoo.

    • Courtney Wheeler

      That video was a whole lot of nonsense and egos…

    • Lucille A Bluth

      Akademics tried it, and Budden is extra.

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