The 10 Blackest Moments From A BET Awards Show I Only Watched An Hour Of Because It Was Long As Shit And I’m Old » VSB

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The 10 Blackest Moments From A BET Awards Show I Only Watched An Hour Of Because It Was Long As Shit And I’m Old

Full disclosure. This will not be a recap of the entire show. Because I did not watch the entire show. Because I’m old as fuck and took a nap at 8pm and woke up at like 10pm. Because old ass niggas take evening naps. And then for the first few moments of watching the awards, I was only kinda, sorta paying attention because I was eating this really delicious cake and some Bermudian ginger beer. So there’s that.

Anyway.

1. Chance accepting the Humanitarian award, and frontin like he didn’t prepare a speech, like a member of the church choir frontin like he didn’t know this was his week to sing the solo.

2. Chance shouting out his cousins during his speech, who happened to be the Blackest named cousins in the history of Blackest named cousins. It’s like they came from a Black-Ass Cousin Name generator.

3. Michelle Obama’s lying ass saying that her and Barack wished they could be there. Especially when we all know they’re just on the first leg of their Sexin On Every Island world tour. Them niggas got fuckin to do. They aint got time for BET’s ass.

4. Michelle showing us her glowing-ass shoulders to remind us of all the shit I just said in #3.

5. New Edition coming through with their wardrobes from the Seasoned Negro Summer Linens aisle at Macy’s. They were definitely Boat Ride and Cabaret chic. I love them.

6. Tyrese being given like seven words to read and still somehow finding a way to fuck them up. This nigga could ruin the ABC song.

7. The moment when Jada Pinkett Smith, Queen Latifah, Tiffany Haddish, and Regina Hall were up there all glistening and shining and glowing and sparkling and shit like bottles of Maybelline in 170 years of uncracked Blackness. Two fucking centuries worth of creaselessness.

8. When Remy Ma basically made it so Nicki Minaj will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever be on BET again.

9. Bobby Brown’s luxurious bathrobe.

10. The countless snafus and misreadings and gaffes and technical difficulties and the fact that this shit aint end until fucking midnight — proving that The BET Awards show is basically a lit ass cookout where the meat ain’t ready till like 6pm. I love us.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • TD

    Excuse my language but… Remy MF Ma. #NuffSaid

    • miss t-lee

      Yass!

    • grabo2003

      U right. Remy stays winning and she got bars for days

  • BrothasKeeper

    Leslie Jones was not funny. I want her to be funny, but she isn’t to me. I wish our people wouldn’t conflate loud with funny a lot of the time. Am I still Black?

    Hearing Future and Cardi B talk makes me pissed at all the years I spent getting degrees.

    The Girls’ Trip cast looked sumptuous. Black don’t crack, indeed!

    If New Edition goes on tour WITH the movie cast, I’m totally paying to see it.

    • SaneN85

      “I wish our people wouldn’t conflate loud with funny a lot of the time.”

      The existence of Billy Eichner tells me this isn’t just a black thing.

    • MsKeisha23

      Going to see them either way, cuz that’s how i roll. And…nah, Leslie ain’t funny to me either.

      • Tanya Lott

        #NE4Life

    • I HATE HOW they make her look desperate all the DAMNtime. it irks me to no end.

      • AlwaysPi7

        Agreed.

      • Brown Rose

        Its the worse. I think this is how they see Black women. No damn pride.

        • Mary Burrell

          Exactly. And that bothers me. I don’t feel like she should have been trolled by Yiannopolis and his band of deplorables but something about her bothers me.

      • siante

        That desperation seems to be hilarious to white people which makes it even more irksome & unfunny.

      • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

        I agree with you.

      • MReneeSimmons

        Yes Leslie is a nuisance. She is loud AND ghetto, which makes her unattractive. If she could find a way to be funny w/o being profane, that would help too. I feel like she overcompensates. She had a cute, sexy jumpsuit on, but a horrible hairstyle and she acted like a dude the entire time. Saw a video where she said if she was lesbian she would have no problems getting some play. I thought that spoke volumes — that no real man (black or white) is attracted to her physically. She’s kind of like a modern day Whoopi, but even Whoopi is softer than Leslie. Also, Whoopi has figured out how to articulate and dialogue without being ‘hood. For most men, Leslie is not the most attractive woman to gaze at, but if she tweaked a few things, she would 1. be funny, 2. find men like her and 3. enjoy herself.

        • WigginsHair

          You sound EXACTLY like the white people that hate her.

          • MReneeSimmons

            … except that out of Leslie’s lips, on national TV, she admitted that no man is chasing her and that she wishes she was a lesbian because she has mad game and wouldn’t be faithful because she’d be racking in chicks. She wasn’t joking when she said she’s having a hard time w/relationships.

            I had a black man tell me the other day that he and his boys don’t sit around talking about finding a woman who is more manly than them. Men like women to be docile (not weak), b/c it’s sexy. If you read my comment, you would see that there is value in when she glams up, but then she’s laying out on a stage with her legs cocked trying to take an Amber Rose selfie. You see both Kanye AND Whiz left Amber. Brother’s keeper complained about Leslie not being funny b/c she’s loud, but you didn’t say he sound like white people. He sounds like a man who doesn’t find Leslie attractive and most of that is because of her approach. Dwayne Johnson will go hard all day for Leslie, but you see what pretty young, dainty thing he goes to bed with every night. In fact, pick the hardest rapper around then check their baby-moms. NONE of those women look like Leslie. They are feminine+sensual.

            Girls can grow out of their Tomboy stage and become more attractive to guys w/o it sounding like someone white telling them to be weak or proper. Leslie had on a Green dress before the awards and her hair was styled differently. The hard melted away in that dress. Really what we’re saying is if she’s into guys, she clearly has to be more girly; feminine, soft+ sexy. You see nobody picked up Chyna. Her husband left her for a docile, quiet white teenager! When pretty girl Ayesha Curry went to mouthing off on Twitter, hubby shut her down. You didn’t hear a peep out of her OR Riley this season. Facts are facts.

          • tisave

            Uncannily. Eerily. Similar.

        • SororSalsa

          Did you see the little curled swoop Leslie had near the end of the show? It made me wonder if someone wrestled her into a styling chair and threw those curls in.

      • DetroitMocha

        NegraWithTumbao !!! YASS!!! It’s SO counter to her righteous indignation that no designer wanted to dress her for the red carpet!!! Chick!!! YOU the one staking out the position of desperate, unwanted, stalking loser – then you wonder why you’re not seen as glamourous. She and Whoopie – 2 BEAUTIFUL black women when fixed up!!! – KILL ME by ceding beauty to another culture and embracing these horrible personas!!! Whew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • THIS! I just had that discussion.. Nobody wanted to dress her because SHE presents herself as a clown.

      • foxyroxy

        Her stand up shows have the same desperate theme, but only funnier

    • ~*V. von Schweetz*~

      Why did Leslie keep screaming at us tho?! Lol Geeeeez

    • StillSuga

      Yup to all of this

    • Alessandro De Medici

      Am I wrong for still thinking Monique was the baddest black woman comic I’ve yet seen?

      http://www.bet.com/video/betawards/2004/host-moments/host-monique-does.html

      • Wise Old Owl

        No, you are not. If she wasn’t Blacklisted she would have been an excellent host last night, because Sisters Jones is not funny!

        • Kimberly Breaux

          Mo hosted for several years in a row in the past. I think they are kind of giving different people a chance to do it. I loved it every year with Mo though. I never understood why they ended their contract with her, since it happened before the whole blacklist thing.

          • Wise Old Owl

            You are right and I recall that she was funny as usual….I guess now with the Blacklisting that we will not see her again as host…

            • HickoryDickoryDock

              Stuck on that blacklisting thing huh? If you bite the hand that gets you you can’t be mad when they’re not calling you for jobs.

          • Janelle Doe

            The year she did the Bey song and video routine was too funny.

            • grownandsexy2

              Yes it was. I’m still cackling thinking about it. lol

              • Janelle Doe

                Back when DMX had a chance…

          • applesauce_2100

            simple answer: Her husband did her in!

      • Brina Payne

        Really? Sommore used to KILL it

        Mo used to sound too “winded” when she did stand up

        • Sweet Potato Kai ?

          Yes she did!

        • Monica Harris

          Agreed on Sommore. My personal fave

      • Brother Mouzone

        Yes, you’re wrong. The baddest Black woman comic is SOMMORE. Fight me….

    • Deeds

      I hate how self deprecating she is.

      • Val

        She takes it way too far.

        • Deeds

          Exactly. It’s one thing to have a joke or two about yourself, to show that you can laugh at yourself, but her whole act is it and it’s just too much.

          • Kas

            I’m always amused when the eyes talk to each other.

          • Wizznilliam

            I’m only just now realizing how much it is.. And yea it is kinda a lot.

          • It’s the reason why I don’t like Kevin Hart

            • Hammster

              He’s definitely not funny doing standup. I can tolerate little dude on RHOH

              • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

                Chris Tucker’s comedy in his prime was more natural than Kevin Hart. Hart’s comedy seems to be forced.

                • grownandsexy2

                  Hart’s my home boy but tis true.

                  • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

                    Facts.

            • Mary Burrell

              I don’t get his brand of comedy either.

            • Brother Mouzone

              To this day, I don’t get the whole Kevin Hart thing.

      • Darren Nesbitt

        I think this is funny to white people hence big gigs like SNL and Ghost Busters. I laughed a few times but not many.

        • nolaboy504

          Nah

          • Darren Nesbitt

            Yes, she is on SNL and has other gigs because white people find her funny. Like how is she famous in 2017 then? Her jokes no longer land with black people.

            • abreweryofhops

              uh. i don’t find her funny…
              [x] white

      • Mary Burrell

        Exactly and whites love that.

    • Leslie, has never been funny – even in her comic view days. I wish peopel woiuld stop trying to make her funny!

    • Val

      Leslie’s humor, or lack of it, has always rubbed me the wrong way. I hated those State Farm commercials.

      • Looking4Treble

        Indeed. That part one in one commercial when she leans over to the guy in the car next to her and says “You want my number?” just reeks of desperation born of a need to put herself down or make herself a caricature before someone else does. Fall back, sis. I am aware of your struggles, but you’re trying way too hard.

        • Olu Bukonla

          And she is cute. Black men miss out by not stepping up to tame wild Phillies like Sheryl Underwood and her. #acceptachallenge

        • Brother Mouzone

          Yeah. She should have just said PLEEEEEASE find darkies like me attractive….pleeeese.

      • KMN

        @disqus_QGKOTi1oX5:disqus @Looking4Treble:disqus OMG YES Those commercials ALWAYS made me feel so SORRY and embarrassed for her…like dang love…it’s somebody out there for errbody…cut it out lmao

      • They were the fukking WORST!

      • Wise Old Owl

        She is not funny AT All…My wife says that she is just loud…I want to support Black Women and Black Actors, but I am sorry, she is not talented and it is disgusting to see a Dark Skin Sister always acting so thirsty over any and All Light Skinned and White Male in her presence…we get it…you are dark skinned and in need of love, affection and attention…

        • Charles Johnson

          she has some funny parts on SNL

          • Wise Old Owl

            Are you sure? Believe me, I tried to support her, but she is just not funny to me…sorta like Tracy Morgan…My favorites are Dave, Chris, Monique, Somore, Bernie, Eddie and Richard…

            • Charles Johnson

              I can’t name many scenes off the top, mainly cause i’m not a true SNL fan. I was only hesitant about her because of her overuse/dependence on self-depricating humor as open to Samatta who was just an underutilized actor on the show. But I remember her loud brashness was honed to work in her favor

      • UrbanNortheast

        Oh, I like them! “I see you, car!” got me every time.

      • Mary Burrell

        Those just make me cringe. And I feel bad

    • LyricMeThis

      Thank you for saying this! I really wanted her to win but she is just never funny to me. Everything she does is over exaggerated.

    • ValerieTheTenderoni

      Hearing Future and Cardi B talk makes me pissed at all the years I spent getting degrees.
      LOL not everyone is meant to be gutter. You’re blessed.

    • Brown Rose

      Leslie Jones…you are right. She epitomizes the worst stereotypes of Black women and its grating. Its made worse by the fact of how severely she was attacked on Twitter by racists, due to her looks, so I have tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. BUt no she is not funny.

      • Elissa Malaikah

        Much respect to all y’all, but I love Les Dogg!. And I hate how she can’t get no wins, nowhere, even amongst her own. She been in the game for decades paying her dues on chitlin circuits. Let that sister live, and let her see Black folks boosting her up.

        And yes, I can agree that not all her jokes are funny, but whose is? She’s finding her way in an industry clearly not designed for her type, and to a degree, she does it on her terms. WE (meaning society) call her a big, Black sister, whether in our minds or out loud. I’ve even said it in jokes, no malice. But we’re mad she clowns herself? If her whole was that of a petite Halle Berry type woman, we’d be saying “umph, she playin’ herself, who she think she is”. And I’m not generalizing all y’all, but you know damn sure, SOME of y’all.

        The same was said BY Black people about Hattie McDaniel and Stepin Fetchit, that they cooned too much for White folks. But what were the alternatives? They say it about Tyler. My question is why should we be bustin’ our butts clearing up stereotypes that 1. shouldn’t be, and 2. don’t define the whole lot of us? And if we got rid of Leslie, would that resolve the chronic pattern of disrespect that Black women have received for centuries?

        • Brother Mouzone

          Here’s a solution, just.Be.Funny. She ain’t…

    • will_the_thrill

      Unpopular opinion: I find Leslie Jones funny. I find loud people funny; not all of them, but if I did, who cares? And I think anyone who has a problem with her solely because she’s loud or acts too much like a stereotype has a problem with respectability politics.

      It’s even more problematic to suggest that my people shouldn’t find her funny because of those reasons. Let Black folk laugh.

      • Kat

        Or they have a problem with her screaming weak azz jokes.

        • will_the_thrill

          Sis, you missed the point.

      • Darren Nesbitt

        Her yelling is funny sometimes, but these BET scripts were awkward throughout the whole 30 hour show. I felt bad for her more times than I laughed. The “I’m old and don’t know these young bitches” bit would have been funnier if it was just a joke. . .but she really doesn’t know the current culture that well based on those weak jokes.

        • Photoshop’s a helluva drug

          I think this is weak writers not weak Leslie. Same thing happens when Kevin hosted MTV. But I can’t blame them for taking the money.

      • PinkRose

        I agree 100%, I LOVE LJ!!

      • Olu Bukonla

        I like her. And I think she is cute with. Those dimples…

    • Brina Payne

      Honestly…LJ been on that amplified steez since ComicView years…the only thing that changed is her celeb status…

      She still talks “not getting the man but she know how to hoop” jokes and etc.

    • Mina Mee

      On Leslie…I feel as if she doesn’t feel she’s acceptable unless she is being over the top and it sucks, and it’s uncomfortable to witness, cause there’s no dignity–not even a smidgen. And, she’s clearly lovable, and dynamic and more than this caricature she offers the world.

    • Kay

      Playing into the stereotype has been and continues to be better and more lucrative than going against it. Especially when being famous is the only goal.

    • Your Mama

      she wasn’t funny to me there or on any SNL skit I’ve seen or anywhere else ..mostly because she plays up the very same stereotype all the time. Just loud and in heat all the damn time for no good reason..

    • foxyroxy

      If you know Leslie she is known for her raunchy, profane, and vulgur stand up where she is hella funny! She does not and should not do any venue that doesn’t let her do that. Family friendly, poliItically correct and no cursing events are not her thing at all. (It’s like a radio version of “It Ain’t No Fun” by Snoop Dogg and the Dogg Pound)

      • BrothasKeeper

        I get that. Still, there are more than a few profane comedians/comediennes who can code switch at a moment’s notice, ex: Wanda Sykes, Mo’Nique, Chris Rock, Jamie Foxx, etc. Like I said, I want her to be funny, I salute her glow-up, but her shtick is just not there for me.

        • foxyroxy

          Yeah I agree many comics can code switch but not allcomics can and Leslie is one of them, she clearly struggles with code switching and should not do shows like these. I see her more in movies.

    • BrownKitty289

      COSIGN ALL OF DIS!!!!

  • Debra Lee calling Chicago “The Chai”.

    No ma’am.

    • HouseOfBonnets

      We are not on the Starbucks menu lol

  • Ccinkissimmee

    I loved everything about the awards.. but Xscape was the highlight of the night for me, sprinkled with New Edition.

    • Tamar and Bruno Mars for me.

    • Jennifer

      I was a bar listening to a go-go band while they showed the awards on mute. XScape came on during the band’s break. The bar turned down the DJ music and turned up Xscape. That entire place was singing along. A. million years later and these ladies still get everyone going.

  • iByron

    DeJohn, DeQuan, DeZhay, Tasha, Bimm-Bimm, Potato Mustard, & Jaden

    Word…

  • ElephantInTheRoom

    Yara Shahidi is everything. Laz Alonzo is bae. MC Lyte doesn’t age. Debra Lee looked great. Gucci Mane’s fiancé is absolutely gorgeous. Remy Ma looked amazing and I thoroughly approve of her pettiness level.

    Did I miss the gospel performance?

    People hate on the BET awards, but where else could we see El DeBarge perform in all his fineness?

    Tamar is so talented to be so extra.

    I feel like we had a New Edition tribute a couple years ago when they reunited.

    Leslie Jones is soooo unfunny. I liked her ComicView days better. They coulda let Deon Cole host.

    I don’t know none of these new rappers. They got good skin tho..

    Smokey Robinson looks so unimpressed. Like he finna join the Too Cool To Come To the BET Awards club.

    How is this Chance’s first BET Awards?

    I’m glad the upcoming artists got more performance time. I mean they still got cut off mid-lyric but they’re getting more time tho!

    The lil girl dancing with French Montana is TOO cute!

    This Boyz II Men Geico commercial gives me so much life.

    What was going on with Ralph Tresvant?

    • cyanic

      Ralph maybe the least stable of New Edition. How are you the finest but aged the worst?

      • Cuz Ronnie always been the finest and stayed that way

        • cyanic

          Ronnie looks the youngest but isn’t he the oldest?

        • Zil Nabu

          Ronnie was my boyfriend in 1988.

        • Kas

          Kind of like being the tallest at a midget competition.

          • Amazonian Midget

            Hey now…only we can use the “m” word!

            • Kas

              Ma’am you are 5′ if I remember correctly. “Short people” is 4′ 10″ and below.

              • Amazonian Midget

                Curse you and your amazing memory…

      • Val

        Drugs and alcohol?

        • cyanic

          It was suggested despite all of the honesty on display to make the New Edition movie some held back. Obviously Ralph and Johnny.

          • Kas

            Johnny? Joking

          • wanderlust

            Wait. What? What did Johnny do?

            • cyanic

              None of the other members have rumors about their orientation but him.

      • Reemo

        Ralph wasn’t completely washed but he was right on the edge.

        • cyanic

          He likely struggled the worst being the heartthrob and lead vocalist of the group. Unable to gain momentum with the public solo as the others.

    • AlwaysPi7

      I thought that wig was gonna fly of Tamars head as she lip syncing for life. Too much.

      • LyricMeThis

        The real MVP is her wig cuz I have no idea how that joint stayed on while she was doing the MOST!

        • grownandsexy2

          I was wondering about the same thing. It was annoying and distracting but it looked better than a wig I remember her in awhile back, looking like it cost $19.99.

    • PurpleIntrovert

      I was thoroughly disappointed at Tamar lip syncing.
      Gucci married the his girl a few weeks ago.

    • Val

      El performed? Missed that, I was busy watching the DeBarge Unsung episode.

      • He sung George Michael’s Careless Whisper

      • ElephantInTheRoom

        He did a wonderful tribute to George Michael in which he hit every note and looked like Clark Gable doing it!

  • The FunkyFunky Child

    Let me explain to y’all why New Edition is Boston (read:Roxbury/Dorchester) as it gets. Damon describes it here without even knowing it.

    They quite literally most definitely those Summer Linens at the Macy’s in Downtown Crossing most. Likely in preparation for WBQT’s summer Boat Cruise in the Boston Harbor and he Carnival/Cabrera After Party at the Quincy Shipyard…the whole scene is West Indian carnival-goer meets Irish nautical influence…the linens will be sullied with blunt ash and curry. The white shoes will bear faint brown outlines of Henny puddles, and the top hat will be lost.

    They sometimes stay at the hotel I work at and I see them around here and there. Every thing Damon said was uncomfortably accurate.

    • Sir, are fur stoles in the dead of summer, Boston too?

      Because Bobby Brown was wearing that hot shyt like his life depended on it. ???

    • MsSula

      Not West Indian carnival goer meets Irish nautical influence. Bahahahahaha, I am dead.

    • Kas

      You say Dorchester, all I think is hot Cape Verdean women.

      • Val

        We see you.

        • Kas

          How are you even up?

          • Val

            You’re up. Morning, Kashmir.

            • Kas

              Good morning

      • Rewind4ThatBehind

        Hot Cape Verdean women?

        I’m afraid to Google search right now for fears of how many hours I will lose.

        • Val

          Start with Amber Rose. Morning, Rewind. :-)

          • Rewind4ThatBehind

            Morning Val.

            I won’t because her bush is burned into my memory and this is a work PC for unfortunate reasons.

      • The FunkyFunky Child

        Firmly 40-50% of the women in my part of Dorchester are Cape Verdean, of those, firmly 70% are outrageously sexy. Lived here my whole life and it still boggles my mind.

        • Kas

          Yes, indeedy

        • Bah Debo

          Sounds like I need to go on vacation…

  • BM, President of Fuckery

    Joe Budden is a fuckboy’s fuckboy and as the President of Fuckery I would know.

    • PurpleIntrovert

      Because of the Migos thing?

    • Geechi_Luciano

      because he wasn’t there to give an interview migos wasnt there for having?

    • AKA The Sauce

      I mean…Joe has a point but he should let the Migos be great.

  • theaythmonth

    New Edition (all of em) with the all white sets!!!! Black excellence!!! I didn’t watch the rest of the show, but what happened with Issa Rae/SZA?

    • PurpleIntrovert

      Lyte called out the wrong presenters. Issa Rae walked out. Introduced Sza. There was a tech snafu that made Sza restart her set.

  • theaythmonth

    11. Black Twitter doing what Black Twitter always does at these type of award shows. Recapping it so I don’t watch to watch.

    Also, I don’t like how predictable the “Winners” list is. You can spot who will win from a mile away. But oh well.

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