Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Theory & Essay

That’s Just My Friend: Signs They’re Cheating On You With A Friend Of Yours.

Duck. Duck. GREY GOOSE!

By now, nearly everybody has heard about Robby Pardlo’s episode of the A&E show, Intervention, where he’s exposed as an alcoholic. In said episode, he admits that part of his unwinding into a raging drunk was because his girlfriend of years, Claudette Ortiz, dumped her for their bandmate Ryan Toby, who she eventually married and apparently cheated on AT LEAST two times (she has 3 kids, two of which aren’t his, but were both born WHILE she was married to him).

Da f*ck? Where dey do dat at?

While I’ve never knowingly had a girlfriend cheat on me with one of my boys, I did have an ex openly ask me if she could pursue something with one of mi hombres after I broke up with her. Me? I said, “sure, go ahead.” I really didn’t give a flying frog f*ck about her at that point and had she been hit by a rhinosaurus driving a Silverado I wouldn’t have given two sh*ts. Mostly because she cheated on me with a dude I DIDN’T know. But I knew she cheated.

I’ve lost my point. Oh John the Rabbit, oh yes. So, the whole time we were dating, apparently she was scheming on my homey though she never pursued until we broke up. And I knew something was up. How’d I know? Well, I’m a beast, I’m a dog, I’m a motherf*cking problem. But more simply, people will tell you everything you need to know. Follow me.

1. They start randomly mentioning your friend out nowhere.

You ever been out with one of your friends and they can’t stop talking about somebody new they know. But even worse, they find odd ways to bring them up. You need an example, don’t you. Cool.

Shaniquilt: I really love what NASA’s got planned for the future of hydrogen-carbide O-rings and staples.  What do you think?

Shalulu: Yeah, James was just talking to me yesterday about apples and I was thinking about NASA when he  had said…”apples”.

Shaniquilt: Da f*ck?

So imagine that scenario if you and your girl are in the car and you say:

You: Baby I love these Skittles you bought me. They so tart.

Her: James loves Skittles too.

You: Um, yeah. Why’d you bring him up there.

Her: No reason. * whistling *

Sign number one you silly sucka.

2. Not only do they bring them up, they COMPLIMENT them.

If your girl starts doling out compliments to one of your friends all willy nilly, you should definitely give her a stern side-eye and make a mental note of it. Be clear, there is NO reason that you’re girl should be paying THAT much attention to any of your homeboys that she knows what king of cologne smells best on him.

3. They always want to invite your friend to functions.

Beware your gf/bf who ALWAYS wants your homey to be there because “they so funny.” Remember fellas, humor is what charms the drawz off of any woman. Thing is, initially it will seem really benign and actually nice and sweet that they want to hang with your friends but there will come a point where it jus seems odd to invite them – like to the bedroom or ice cream.

Her: I’m tired. You think James wants to come and watch movies with us and then possibly spoon. Don’t you think that would be great? What if he rubbed on my booty too! *shriek* Yay!!!!

4. They find ways to hang out with your buddy without you.

Not sure this needs and explanation, but you should definitely kill them if this happens and any of numbers 1-3 have occurred.

5. You catch them cheating.

Sorry, pal. We’ll see you on A&E’s intervention.

That’s a quick list for you.  Good patrons of the VSB, did I miss any signs???

Lay it on me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • Naomi

    i was gone at your wayne(i think) reference. then iDIED at the names of the chicks in the convo. da f*ck?…. f’real! anywhoooo…I’ll be back with some, or maybe not.

    • Ashleyg

      @Naomi,

      Right! Those names KILLED me too! LMBO!!!

    • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com Slim Jackson

      The names were a riot.lol.

      I sorta think only sloppy women (not in the physically sloppy way) will display some of these signs. I actually think women are much better at operating with stealth when it comes to cheating than men, regardless of who it’s with. Though if my girl did start mentioning one of my boys all the time, there would be a major side-eye and a sudden isolation policy.lol. I think people fail to ignore the early signs sometimes and let stuff happen that could have been prevented.

      Though if she was gonna cheat…well, she was gonna cheat.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Naomi, i dont see anything odd about those names. i used the names of real people i know.

      i do live in DC ya know and crack was rampant for a solid 10 years. people think crack only kills, no crackheads had kids and got to name them too.

      • http://www.dcstreetwear.com ILoveme2

        @Panama Jackson,

        Word to Frankie…I mean, c’mon she named that poor baby “Elite!” And after spending 9th grade rolling my eyes cause this girl name Cquorteshia (pronounced core-ti-sha) got made when ppl said her name incorrectly, I can almost believe these names were real.

        I mean, c’mon…you can’t even pronounce “C-Q…” it’s phonetically impossible.

        • miss t-lee

          @ILoveme2,
          “I mean, c’mon…you can’t even pronounce “C-Q…” it’s phonetically impossible.”

          *on the floor laughing*
          Trust, I got a few cousins who had their children young (in HS) and now they’re like 20 running around with names with extra silent letters, dashes, unnecessary apostrophes…it’s a mess.

          • http://www.dcstreetwear.com ILoveme2

            @miss t-lee,
            Try one of my friends old classmates…her name was “La-ah,” pronounced (La-dash-ah).

            This can’t be life.

            • Nyki

              I can’t even comment after extra silent letters, dashes unnecessary apostrophes

          • miss t-lee

            @ ILoveme2,
            I’ve been hearing this for years.
            I still refuse to believe it’s true. It’s gotta be an urban myth that refuses to die.
            Until someone produces an actual person, or a birth certificate, I refuse to believe that! lol

          • V Renee

            @miss t-lee,

            I’m with you. I refuse to believe this name until I see a birth certificate.

            Is this La-ah, the same one in all of the emails/FB statuses I’ve been seeing?? She sure is popular because everyone seems to know her!

          • miss t-lee

            @V Renee,

            Yeah girl. :) Everyone knows this chick.
            She’s like ‘Yawnce and isht–everywhere! :)

        • http://shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

          @ILoveme2, how about
          TARSHISH… pronounced.. Tasha
          I kid you not

          • Caballeroso

            @shay-d-lady,

            Jollawashungus was one of my classmates. I can only spell it phonetically; the actual spelling escapes me.

  • http://shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

    or they have long heart to heart conversations with them over the phone….

    I just wrote about a love triangle (possible square) only blog….

    lol

    but for real the key thing is that weird feeling you get when you walk back into the room and feel like your interrupting something…..
    Especially if #1 and 2 have already occurred and
    if #’s 1 and 2 have occurred and the interrupting feeling happens during a #3?
    kill them both, set the place on fire and run out

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @shay-d-lady, or they have long heart to heart conversations with them over the phone….

      basically no sharing of hopes, dreams, aspirations, and goals.

      lol. that’s a good point. how f*cked up would you be if you were talking to your bf about your friend and he told YOU about their hobbies and sh*t. like, “oh she doesnt want to be a stripper anymore, now she’s into veterinary science.”

      might be time for stabbings. or at least a tonya harding.

  • http://shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

    meanwhile I never heard this city high story.
    Thats messed up
    how she gone do Ol Happy Day like that?

    and how ol happy day gone do his boy like that?

    5’5 with brown eyes…
    smile like the sunrise

    • Safera

      @shay-d-lady, Hahahahahaha!

      My sister was talking about this and called Ryan Toby “Oh Happy Day” too. Truth be told I think most people call him that, heck I didn’t even know his name until I read this post. Thanks Panama.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @Safera, you’re welcome. its my goal in life to make sure people know the names of random f-list actors from movies a lot of us forgoet existed. oh yeah, and f-list groups too.

      • legitimate_soul

        @Safera,

        Oh snap! That IS O’l Happy Day!. Dang.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @shay-d-lady, yeah, shes pretty trifling. who knows what lies beneath.

      and that group pretty much seemed corballish as hell too. who knew they were Shalamar.

      • miss t-lee

        @Panama Jackson,
        “who knew they were Shalamar.”

        LMAO!!!! Right?

        • Yonnie3k

          I’m confused. Which one is Oh Happy Day? The one who got the girl or the alchy?

  • RunBabyRun

    Love it. People always tell on themselves thinking they are slick.

    Sloppy cheaters are the worst.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @RunBabyRun, i tend to think that sloppy cheaters really just dont care if they get caught.

      in that sense, the sloppiness is just a means for forcing somebody to pay attention and kick them to the curb so t hey dont have to be the bad guy.

      • Hershey’s Kiss

        @Panama Jackson, It’s either they don’t care or that they’re that damn arrogant and think they’re fooling folks when sadly the only idiot they’re fooling is themselves.

  • http://www.dedicatedtotheblackman.wordpress.com WonderWoman

    Signs:

    When they know your SO’s (significant other) favorite food, cologne, cigar flavor and makes it a point to pick up some of his favorite things…
    That Byoch:”Davante’ loves grape cigars I’m gonna grab a few”
    WonderWoman: I’m gonna grab a few handfuls of your hair while I’m kicking your ass…then I’m headed home to set fire (Waiting to Exhale style) to all his sh**.

    When your friend starts hanging out at your house when your man is there dressed soooo inappropriately…Like wearing booty shorts and a wife beater knotted in the back to make a half shirt and its winter time.

    When your friend volunteers to either stay at your place with your man white you go to the store for orange juice or butter pecan ice cream, or she volunteers to go with your man to the store to get orange juice or butter pecan ice cream white you stay home…In this case they both can get the fu** out…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @WonderWoman, When your friend starts hanging out at your house when your man is there dressed soooo inappropriately…Like wearing booty shorts and a wife beater knotted in the back to make a half shirt and its winter time.

      my ex from like 10 years ago had a roommate who would walk into the room in a silk robe with clearly nothing else on under it when i was around. i couldnt tell if she was just trifling as hell or if she wanted me to see her goods and want to hit. lucky for me, she looked like this: *^*&%(

      • http://lifeofaworkingmom.blogspot.com/ bballmom

        @Panama Jackson, you are so stoooopid. LMAO.

      • http://www.dedicatedtotheblackman.wordpress.com WonderWoman

        @Panama Jackson, Good…I would hate to think you tainted yourself with the type of chick who would do that…and ugly too? Uhhhh (shudders)

      • mateosmuse

        @Panama Jackson,

        *claps* so happy u noticed she was tryna pull some b#llshyte on yr girl. And even more happier she was butt!!!

  • Naomi

    When their last like 50 texts or so have been from your friend. You don’t even have to read them. Just know that that is too many damn messages. Why do ya’ll have so much to talk about? ugh!

    • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

      @Naomi,

      With the exception of maybe throwing me a surprise party or something of that nature, I really don’t see a reason for my girl and homeboy to be exchanging numerous text messages at all. If they have each other’s numbers, it should only be used for extreme circumstances or emergency purposes, not for just conversing all willy nilly and shyt.

      • miss t-lee

        @Monk,
        ” I really don’t see a reason for my girl and homeboy to be exchanging numerous text messages at all. ”

        Exactly.
        I’m wondering why in the heyll would you ol’ boy even have my girl’s number? If I see 50′ lleven texts back and forth, it’s gonna be on.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Naomi, lol. yeah, Monk’s surprise party is a good example of when its okay.

      true story: back in like 03, my boy and my girl were planning an event for me upon my return from out of town or something. well, my next door neighbor approached me one day (and he was a REAL hood ninja, like he’s in the feds right now on a real charge, not no humble sh*t) like, “yo, i aint trynna get in your bizness or snitch, my ni**a, but your girl and your mans been spending A lot of time together when you aint around. keep your eyes open, my ni**a. you want some weed?”

      • Sula

        @Panama Jackson,

        I am so dead at your story. :lol:

      • JC

        @Panama Jackson,

        Gotta love it! Now THAT’S a good neighbor (no State Farm)

        • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com Reecie

          @JC, sure is! lol

      • Yonnie3k

        @Panama Jackson, Why do I feel like I know this dude? I really could hear his voice in my head while I was reading your story.

  • Ashleyg

    Let’s not forget befriending them on fb and commenting on every single status and/or pic…or those super excited hugs and greetings that last a couple of seconds to long, or the phone calls about the “homegirl” they want said homie to meet who has yet to appear…

    LOL @ this whole post- especially the Robby/Intervention bit that needs a post all it’s on. Never realized dude could sing that well- he was killing on the keys- I hated City High and wanted to break things every time “What would you do” came on.

    • Made In Hawaii

      @Ashleyg,

      I hated City High too! And that damn song, “What Would Do” could almost turn me into The Hulk. It’s on my list of my most hated songs ever.

    • http://ecstaticfreshness.com AkShone

      @Ashleyg,

      I hated City High, also…but I loved looking at Claudette Ortiz, so when the video came on, I just hit the mute button. I hadn’t heard or seen Claudette Ortiz since her King magazine spread…seems like she spreaded for a few kings, herself.

      …two kids while married to that dude that aren’t his? Her medulla oblongata game must equate to her looks…d@mn.

      That ain’t love.

      • miss t-lee

        @AkShone,
        Both of the kats definitely got hypnotized by the good good.

      • Sula

        @AkShone,

        Her medulla oblongata game must equate to her looks…d@mn

        That’s what I was thinking… Like, dang! She must have that kryptonite good good.

      • tolkien negro

        @AkShone,

        please note that the past tense of ‘spread’ is, in fact, ‘spread’.

        that is all

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Ashleyg, i thought about doing a whole post on that intervention and sh*t, then i realized, this is the city high dude, i dont care that much.

      heck, if he didnt have a daughter to take care of, i probably would have stopped paying attention at the name, robbie pardlo.

    • VeronicaCorningstoneD

      @Ashleyg,

      I too hated that song with a fiery passion. esp. the part where they “rap” the chorus sounding all serious and sh*t. matter of fact, i’m starting to get upset right now.

      • Ashleyg

        @VeronicaCorningstoneD,

        LOL! Don’t do it, calm down! LOL!

    • mateosmuse

      @Ashleyg,

      “Let’s not forget befriending them on fb and commenting on every single status and/or pic…or those super excited hugs and greetings that last a couple of seconds to long, or the phone calls about the “homegirl” they want said homie to meet who has yet to appear…”

      co-sign 1005 on the above…what bullshyte- what they think u were born yesterday.

  • Tenchi

    I wish a mickeyfickey WOULD…

    Oh wait, this happened (in a way) to me before I handed my SO’s homeboy a steak knife with the specific instructions to slice lengthwise and deeply…
    It went a lil something like this…

    Babyluv stepped out to check the mail. Slimeyarse strolls in the room shirtless rubbing his mantits and says, “Is he treatin’ you right?” I look over at this Jabba The Hut stand in and say, “He’s treating ME like you treat YOUR FIANCEE (slimy bastid!). He just smiled and slid out of the room…

    Long story short dude engineered random run ins for an ENGAGED YEAR AND A HALF…(slimy bastid) culminating in showing up at a fast food joint across the street from my job.

    Anytime a “friend” constructs reasons for you two to be alone is a big red flashing neon pink and halo green sign that s/he’s a SLIMY BASTID!

    • Sula

      @Tenchi,

      Errrr… You did tell your SO, right? Because if not, then I can see why he thought you were down for it.

      • Tenchi

        @Sula,

        Yeah, after the “run in” near my job, I saved up the potential bail money and spilled the beans…
        SO knows me pretty well, so he was already aware (especially since I’m famous for my ability to accurately hurl eye daggers), which explains why dude ramped up the “run ins”…He knew not to continue bringing that shiggity to the crib…

  • Made In Hawaii

    1.) I didn’t know Claudia Ortiz was keeping busy. I was wondering a couple of weeks ago what happened to her… I see now.

    2.) You have GOTS to come up with normal names sometimes.
    Dying from laughter over here at the names doesn’t allow me to finish the post but I manged to this time. :)

    3.) “1. They start randomly mentioning your friend out nowhere.”

    Yes! I always knew when a friend of mine was crushing on my brother because they never fail to ask about them. Needless to say, they never got invited over but one of my besties recently told me how she crushed on one of my brothers for years. I told her I never had a clue and she told me that at first, she just thought he real fine but was too shame to mention it but once she started spending time at my house (which was almost everyday) she started crushing on him but knew better than to mention it because she saw how I reacted to our other friends that did and she didn’t want her visits revoked. *smh* ….that heifer! Love her.

    4.) “Oh John the Rabbit, oh yes”

    Had a mighty bad habit, oh yes.
    LOL!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Made In Hawaii, so your brother hit her off, huh?

      • Made In Hawaii

        @Panama Jackson,

        Ewww!
        No, my brother did not hit her off.
        She fell in love w/ another guy and got over the crush.

  • P.

    “had she been hit by a rhinosaurus driving a Silverado I wouldn’t have given two sh*ts.”

    I’d at least be a lil upset that this wouldn’t show up on YouTube or something.

    Anyway, this is exactly why I’m not buddy-buddy with any of my boys’ girlfriends. I don’t hate you, I don’t mind talking to you, and I kinda sorta care about you since you my homie’s girl, but we ain’t best friends. No need to randomly hit me up about a whole lotta nothin all the time. In fact, we really don’t need to be having each other’s numbers in the first place.

    A few weeks ago, Friend A tells Friend B that Friend B’s girl inspired a song that he (A) wrote. There was almost some furniture movin up in that joint.

    • Ashleyg

      @P.,

      A few weeks ago, Friend A tells Friend B that Friend B’s girl inspired a song that he (A) wrote. There was almost some furniture movin up in that joint.

      *stares at screen for several seconds*

      …dang

    • http://www.twitter.com/Stank_0 Stank-0

      @P.,

      You know what, should have been some furniture moving.

      bout to start breaking shyt in here!

    • Sula

      @P.,

      Friend A is gangsta with his. Lol!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @P., A few weeks ago, Friend A tells Friend B that Friend B’s girl inspired a song that he (A) wrote. There was almost some furniture movin up in that joint.

      when keeping it real goes wrong. some sh*t you just keep to yourself, Harper Stewart a** ninja.

      • Hershey’s Kiss

        @Panama Jackson, Why did that ninja think it was a good idea to write a tell all book about his rendezvous with his boy’s girl?! He wasn’t even clever about it because everybody knew who the characters were! Then he had the nerve to say they would have been in wedded bliss by the time the book came out. Like oh yeah, that would have just made all the difference!

      • Soula Powa

        @Panama Jackson, Yes! The Best Man, all snitching on yaself- a$$ ninjas! Can’t stand them and I don’t keep them around me.

    • Yonnie3k

      @P., I’m tryna figure out why there was ALMOST some furniture moving. I mean, what did Friend A say to Friend B to diffuse the situation?