Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

That’s A Catfish!

You aint tell me you had whiskers tho. Youse a lie and youse a cheat and I don’t want ya!

It seems like the MTV show Catfish! has taken over mainstream consciousness now. I’ve read articles about it and before I saw my first episode, no less than five people had asked me if I’d seen it.

For those who haven’t, the show is a spinoff of a documentary called Catfish created by  filmmakers Ariel and “Nev” Schulman who found himself in a long distance relationship via the Internet with a chick named Megan who ended up being an older woman named Angela who’d created a fake profile using pictures of somebody else and maintaned the lie for as long as possible, etc. Shenanigans ensue. Basically, somebody got okeydoked on the Internet.

You know, the usual.

Anyway, the documentary was spun into an MTV series where Nev helps folks connect with their Internet interests who have managed to hide their identities and come up with reasons to never meet up. Now, some of these episodes highlight a darker side of American culture: namely, many of us aren’t that bright. And are extremely, extremely naive.

It ALSO highlights how pressed people are to find love. This isn’t a bad thing mind you, but the amount of red flags people are willing to forego to maintain contact with this person they’ve rarely spoken to and largely only texted or chatted with is amazing. Oh, and in this world, Skype doesn’t exist. This is very important to remember. Or is broken. Skype breaks sometimes.

In most of the episodes I’ve seen, the person behind the love interest is never who they claimed to be and sadness usually ensues. Let’s just say you should check it out. Since so many people make connections via the Internet nowadays (Facebook, Twitter, dating sites, etc) there’s a good chance that a large number of us have met folks in real life that we were introduced to via the Internet. I can’t tell you how many folks I’ve met in the real world b/c of VSB. You know why I can’t tell you? Because it’s a lot.

Well, I figured that I’d tell you all about a few Catfish like situations I’ve found myself in. Because they do and have happened. To be fair, most of these were well before FB existed and before Google even. Yes, all of these interactions were created via the world’s first online night club…

AOL Chatrooms.

Background first. Back in the late 90s everybody was in those AOL chatrooms. I’m still friends today with some people I met in those chatrooms in the late 90s or early 2000s. Like 2000. Two people are folks I count as true friends of mine. The other good friends I’ve met online have usually come via blogging. But back then they didn’t want me now I’m hot they all want me AOL chatrooms were my sh*t. I can’t remember the names of them but they were entertaining. I do remember screennames though. I won’t put them out there like that, but I do remember.

There were two particular individuals who stuck out to me. Now remember I was back in school during this time. So I remember meeting this one young lady via one of those chatrooms and we ended up becoming friends. We’d IM at all hours and have deep convos about life and stuff. We talked a few times…

(By the way, these scenarios aren’t real Catfish moments like in the show…there’s no surprise endings like they weren’t who they said…just not what I expected or odd Internet encounters…)

…and I was like, yo, we should meet up. After all, she went to one of the other schools in the AUC (Atlanta University Center – Morehouse, Spelman, Clark-Atlanta, Morris Brown, ITC). So we set it up to meet on “the strip” the popular hang out spot on CAU’s campus. This one particular day there was NOBODY on the strip. So I’m sitting there waiting. Now, this chick told me she was an athlete. Let me rephrase…told me she “had been” an athlete. So I’m looking for a slender-ish athletic chick to come traipsing up the walk. About ten minutes after I got there comes this rather portly (not there’s anything wrong with that) young lady who looked nothing like the person as had been described to me. She walks up, introduces herself to me and we sit down. Now, I’m not a total douche so I wasn’t rude but I definitely felt untruthed to. She was like 4’11” as well. Basically I was looking for the athlete in her. Anyway, we talk for a second then she looks at me…

…then smells me neck. All up in my personal space. Needless to say I was taken fully aback by this. I distanced myself from her at that moment and she told me that’s how she tells if people are nice. She smells their necks.

Look, I ain’t saying it aint a way to do it. I’m just feeling like there are others ways to do it, ya dig? Well, we chatted for a few more minutes and then I’m pretty sure I bounced quickly. We talked a few more times but that tailed off after a while. I’d see her around campus on occasion. But we didn’t talk much more after that as I stopped reaching out and then we faded to black. Maybe my neck stank.

Then there’s the stripper that chased me down the strip that day. (Yes that happened. And no it has nothing to do with anything).

Then there’s that chick who told me she looked like a particularly hot African-American comedienne who only sent me pics of her from the eyes up. From like 10 feet away. Who would never meet up with me. Ever.

Point is, we’ve all got stories of mishapped meetings. Or folks who weren’t who we thought they were. Hell, that’s happened here at VSB with folks thinking we were going to be different than we were. Maybe it turned out better – that did happen to me once.

Lawd did that happen once. F*cked up my whole perception of a certain American city I have since wanted to visit.

So what’s your story. Let’s get some levity on this here Friday!

No more drama!

What’s your “catfish” story?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. I AM WHATEVER I SAY I AM aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

 

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • JW

    First! First! First!

    • That Ugly Kid

      Say this, with that same enthusiasm, but while having coitus with a woman. Sh*t’s not so fun now, is it? She looks pretty p!ssed, doesn’t she? Now, imagine her reaction, but multiply it by numerous VSB regulars, and Liz.

      Start repenting, bruh….for the sake of your soul….

      • JW

        Ok whatever you say! Just happy to be first my man!

        • Juiciest Mango

          Congratulations!!!

          TUK, STOP THE MADNESS!

          • That Ugly Kid

            NO! Because I’m never first, yo!

            • nillalatte

              Never? That’s a good man. ;)

            • Manny

              Wow, I’ve been first like 3 times….how embarassing.

              • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

                I aint got no worries…maybe she should’ve been paying better attention and she would’ve gotten hers

      • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

        Is it bad that I like when the man is first? That’s for a different day I suppose…

        • Kema

          He can be first as long as its not over.

          • Sweet GA Brown

            +1

      • Royale W. Cheese

        OMG, the visual. The VISUAL!

        Great, now I have a made-up song stuck in my head…”when my live goes first, first, first” being sung by John Witherspoon.

  • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

    you touch on a good point about the red flags that people are willing to ignore for something. i won’t call it love, but i wont belittle the feelings that they developed.

    i thankfully don’t have a catfish situation (physically), but have been disappointed/heartbroken when a person turns out to be different than they portrayed via phone/net/communications.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      “i won’t call it love, but i wont belittle the feelings that they developed.”

      You won’t, but I will…where they at? LOL!

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

      Like we was saying yesterday, people be knowing they rather hold on to false hope than realize they are jackasses

    • Asiyah

      Keisha baby how’s the baby?!

      • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

        baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        I wanna babysit! Not that we live near each other or you know me.

        Catfish babysitter! shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit…

        • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

          LMFAOOO

          sorry people, got caught up on CNN.
          the baby is great. i kiss him every day. and a little even more today.
          happy weekend. :)

  • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

    Fortunately, I’ve never been ‘catfished.’ But I do not think they will top the episode with Mhissy. I probably laughed a solid hour after it ended. I get a 2 year long vendetta, but how do you carry on a 2 year relationship with someone who also lives in Atlanta and not meet? That show is pure comedy

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      “I get a 2 year long vendetta, but how do you carry on a 2 year relationship with someone who also lives in Atlanta and not meet?”

      Funny…it seems to work for fans of “Star Trek” and “Star Wars”.

      *shots fired*

    • msdebbs

      Yea I couldnt stop laughing at that Mhissy episode. Nev and the camera dude looked confused and scared as hell. Oh and did you see that mattress in the hallway outside Mhissy’s apartment? One word…PROJECTS!

    • Manny

      That was really hilarious!! That girl had NO idea until she threw that flower at her.

    • hehe

      Mhissy is crazy! And that Niqqa Trigga is playing her for fool sitting up in her house and using her car. Watching Catfish is like traveling back to the early 90’s where google image,skype,and gchat wasn’t invented. No one should be “catfished” in 2012.

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        This. People Google, background check, investigate people they *have* met in person. They didn’t even do a little bit of research on someone they talked to for years? This is why I’m wondering if it’s for real. all the reality shows are falling apart these days.

      • Rewind

        Man..fawk all that. That shyte only worked back in 02-05 when most of the hood and rural America was getting put on to high speed internet.

        Now? If a muthafawka even says something stupid like “the camera on my phone don’t work”, you know you talking to a 600 lb ass-hole who’s skin has grafted to a chair.

        • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

          yuuuuuuuuuuup

        • msdebbs

          Yea if they hit me with a b.s. excuse like that he gets no reply.

        • random

          LMAO!!!!

      • qilanobee

        THIS!

    • Sanen85

      I especially loved her woe is me story that had nothing to do with anything, yet pretty much excused her behavior with Nev. I’m still laughing about that episode.

      • MissRae

        I know right. I was giving her the major side eye when she told that story. That still was not a good excuse for what she did. I know ol girl wanted to whoop her arse.

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Mhissy was a flaming nutjob. If I were her boyfriend and found out the scoop behind this, I’d leave her in a heartbeat. Stuff like that usually results in boiled bunnies or burned clothes on the front lawn.

      • Sweet GA Brown

        I think the guy knew and just didnt care.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

        dude was driving her whip with some other chick while she was playing e-boyfriend. He straight.

        • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

          And him and the other chick will be straight toe-tagged at the county morgue after Mhissy finally gets what the drill is. It will not end well.

    • curlygirl

      I couldn’t believe at the end ot the episode they let her be the guardian of an innocent child. As many hoops I’m jumping through to adopt and they let this crazy chich have a child? I can’t….

      • curlygirl

        *chick

        • Iceprincess2

          Where do you live? How old are you? Are you married? How much us your agency charging you? I might be able to get you some help. I have ties inside the adoption world.

      • Sweet GA Brown

        I dont understand stuff like this but I guess the sister gave her custody and they figured it was good the baby stayed with the family.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        Her mother was the child’s guardian, not Mhissy.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      You’re right. That episode had me stunned. And that chick had like ZERO remorse. All over a dude.

      They bof dum.

      • Iceprincess2

        I feel bad for the other girl. You kno they were prolly sexting & shit. And who knows the deep dark secrets she prolly told her. Embarrassing!!!!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          yeah. thats the worst part. this chick KNOWS you. cuz like it or not, y’all have been keeping up an actual relationship.

          that just make Mhissy a total sociopath.

          • Iceprincess2

            Rite! Look like one, too. That bad wig she had on had a seperate personality all it’s own!

            • Sweet GA Brown

              All red everything.

            • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

              I was staring at her outfit the whole time… I couldn’t tell if she was headed to the corner or the corner office.

              • Iceprincess2

                Lmao!!

              • Sweet GA Brown

                I imagine she checked herself in the mirror first and thought to herself, “I’m a baaaad bitch.” Then she applied another coat of Wet N Wild red lipstick.

              • Sweet GA Brown

                I imagine she checked herself in the mirror first and thought to herself, “I’m a baaaad b!tch.” Then she applied another coat of Wet N Wild red lipstick.

                • Iceprincess2

                  Rite!! Busted ppl tend to have all the confidence in the world smdh lol

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

    Yeah, I’ve been “catfished” a few times- but this predated the internet. Let’s just say that if a person sounds good on paper, they are the complete opposite in real life.

    • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

      I guess classic blind dates are the original “Catfish.” Remember that scene with Smokey in Friday – “she said she looked like Janet Jackson. She came out looking like Freddie Jackson.”

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

        Yeah, that happened to me 20 years ago. A cat I knew had passed my number onto a girl he knew. I talked to her on the phone about a good month or so until we met for the first time

        When I saw her face to face, she looked like…well…her personality was beautiful, LMAO!!!

      • That Ugly Kid
        • http://www.twitter.com/mcnairian5 Fiveisthenumber

          Like I told PJ out in the Tweets, I met a girl through AOL who said she looked like a slim Oprah; she was actually a tall Harpo.

          Meeting folks on AOL was chat roulette in person!

          • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

            wow, LOL

          • Rewind

            AOL Chat was the shyte..until you wanted to get personal. Then you might as well have taken a gun and shot one of your nuts off, because the encounter would end up giving you the same feeling.

            Oye the disappointments I have.

          • GirlSixx

            *looked like a slim Oprah; she was actually a tall Harpo.*

            Oh nooo… *lmaoooo*

      • Brother Mouzone

        Which brings me to this……Ladies, there is a difference between THICK(a good thing) and FAT! When you look like Thea or Monique, YOU ARE FAT! When you have any combination of wide hips, large breastessess, big a** and thighs, and small waist(small waist being the operative word) YOU ARE THICK!…Need examples? Come on down to my adopted hometown of ATL and go to one our many fine “shoe modeling” establishments, preferably one of the more “ghetto” ones…Thank you..continue.

    • mena

      Love the avi!! Musiq Soulchild’s 3rd album cover correct?

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

        Yep- on vinyl, no less!

        • Rewind

          Soulstar?

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

            Yessir!!!

            • Rewind

              Word to me, I don’t love any R&B album the way I love that album.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      That isn’t completely true. I’ve met a few folks via the Internet that I honestly couldn’t believe were lurking in chatrooms or on blogs and sh*t b/c they were so hot.

      I also realize that last sentence is stupid.

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

        Here’s the thing though: I stated that it was before the internet, not during or after.

        I’m speaking from experience when I say that people aren’t always truthful online. Trust me on this…

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          you right. lol. i agree. im just saying that i’ve been shocked.

          SHOCKED!!!! lol.

      • Iceprincess2

        I mean, I’m on this here blog everyday, & I’m pretty damn hot soooo…. :-)

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          i was just about to say that.

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

          Once again…pics or it’s bullsh*t.

          • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

            im saying

          • Sweet GA Brown

            But really though, PA?

            • YeahSo

              lol

          • Brother Mouzone

            +273

  • JW

    Had a moment too in college, around the same time (we’re the same age). Picked up a couple chicks I met in the AOL chatroom, to bring them to a party I was having. A friend and myself go to get them. When we pulled up, they were the most hideous chicks we’ve ever seen. We went on a wild goose chase, only to eventually taking them back to their house, and bouncing. Was not gonna roll in with these girls. Even if they were ok, I would of rolled with that. But not even. A story I will always remember, and why I never picked up chicks on the net ever again.

  • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

    Funny thing about that… I’m a catfish. Or my boyfriend is a catfish. Well not really.

    See, he found me here, and thought I was nice. Read and followed my blog (unbeknownst to me) almost since I’d started writing it, but he thought I was e-coupled for some odd reason and never really went for it. In any case, Twitter happened, and during a rough patch he was a great friend. And fast forward, I fell in love. Fast forward some more, we plan a trip. Fast forward to now, it’s been almost a year and I gave him some very special gifts (You guessed it, VINYLS!) and I’m still in love with the guy.

    Now see, the thing is, it could’ve ended up terribly. He could’ve been some 580 pound strip club apprentice named Oily Earl or some sh*t. I could’ve been an axe murderer. But with taking things (relatively) slow and getting to know one another we avoided that (also pictures. Up to date ones. I’m talking time stamped. And Skype.).

    Lastly, I feel bad for the Catfish’d people every single time.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      “See, he found me here, and thought I was nice. Read and followed my blog (unbeknownst to me) almost since I’d started writing it, but he thought I was e-coupled for some odd reason and never really went for it.”

      There’s a name for that kind of behavior- I believe it’s called “stalking”…

      • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        Or a passing interest in an interesting girl ^__^. Not to toot my own horn too much, but I think I’m actually quite intriguing :) *shrugs*

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

          Bragging much? LOL! I’m kidding Tes.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        It’s only stalking if you aren’t interested in them. duh!

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

          So you say *snickers*

      • KENYADIGIT

        Its only stalking if your unattractive.

    • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

      Tes let a man out of the FrIeNd ZoNe.

      • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        He’s very very far out of my friendzone. Don’t get me wrong, he is one of my best friends, but I don’t want to have sex with people I’m just friends with. And I wanna have sex with him all the time.

        Very very far out of the friendzone…

        • Asiyah

          awwww Tes <3

    • chameleonic

      a love story, awww. see. this is how i imagine internet relationships to be. you find someone interesting, get to know them, take things slow, then you do something fun together when both people are comfortable. crisis averted.

    • LMNOP

      That’s a really sweet story, and I’m glad that worked out for you guys, but I’m pretty sure that is like the opposite of catfished. It’s more like a 21st century disney princess story.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        right.

        • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

          A Disney story? ^____^ Cool!

  • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

    Funniest “Catfish” story I heard (lady in question was on some TV special on horrible dates) Basically, she got totally wasted at a party, and hooked up with some guy there. She gives the guy her number, and they meet for coffee the next day when she was hungover. Dude was kind of an emo rocker guy with eyeliner and whatnot named Rocky. Turns out Rocky’s friend was a the coffee shop, and called Rocky ‘Rebecca.’ Yes, Rocky was a chick. lmmaaoooo

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Wow…

    • YeahSo

      :-(

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    Everyone I’ve met off the interwebs has been pretty much exactly who they have presented themselves to be.

    • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

      Same here. My screening game is flawless… so far (knock on wood).

      • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        Me three

        • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

          me four woot woot!

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

      Screen game proper.

    • Asiyah

      Mmmhmmm same here!

      • MissRae

        Your avi is too cute.

        • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

          Cosign MissRae

        • That Ugly Kid

          +1000

          • Brother Mouzone

            All ya’ll LYIN!!! lol…I kid, I kid..

            • Asiyah

              lol yeah yeah yeah

          • Asiyah

            thank you all thank you all! :)

  • Pseudonym

    I tried match.com a couple years ago and I’m convinced most guys I “met” on there have a live-in girlfriend.

    • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

      lmao! happened o a college friend of mine. He brought her over, and the apartment is full of AKA stuff. He said they broke up 2 years ago…but she still lives there. Okay.

      • msdebbs

        It was probably her house!

        • YeahSo

          *dead*

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          I’d bet everything. He probably still lived there, LOL.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

        there’s this girl on Instagram thats been trying to holla for a while now…her ex still lives there, but they aint together. Oh and she has a 1 br studio. Like -__- go home before i tell your husband

        • http://VSB StaceLDN

          How do you try to holla on Instagram!? She been overly liking your pics or something!? lool

          • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

            i use the same screenname for everything and she done hit me up on them all…except playstation network im safe there

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          lol. dead.

  • That Ugly Kid

    Only twice have I been Catfished, but one I’ll never forget.

    Happened back in like, April of this year. Some friends and I were sleeping over another friend’s house. Females were there too. Well, one of the prettier chicks texted me and wanted me to come to her room at midnight for…midnight stuff. And that she wanted to do it with the light’s off because she was “kinky like t

    • That Ugly Kid

      D*mmit, Continued.

      “kinky like that”.

      Turns out it was a switcheroo. The very ugly bestfriend, was using the prettier one’s phone. She starts going down on me. Now, I had on thin dark blue basketball shorts, and my phone was in my pocket. When I get calls/texts, my phone lights up brightly. And that light bleeds right through the basketball shorts. My mom texts me as this chick is giving my d*ck the mouth hugs. The light hits her face. I’m an Atheist, but literally gasped “Jesus f*cking Christ!” and grabbed her head to stop her.

      She muffled “what’s wrong”? I didn’t want to tell her that the reason I suddenly lost interest is because she was about as cute as an ingrown toenail. Mainly because she still had Galactus The Ultimate Destroyher in her mouth. And I didn’t want her to get upset and bite down on my peen because…well…she’d shatter all her teeth. So I told her I had to pee. She said okay and asked if I was coming back. I told her no because I just remembered that I had AIDS. I bounced. Quickly.

      • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        I think it’s cute, the names men give their peens…

        And I also think instant AIDS didn’t fool her. LMAO

        • That Ugly Kid

          “I think it’s cute, the names men give their peens…”

          Ah see, that’s where you’re wrong, youngster. I did not give him that name. It was the Goddesses of Mount Olympus that bestowed the title upon him. Although before he was crowned such, I was seriously contemplating naming him “Ivan The Terrible”.

          “And I also think instant AIDS didn’t fool her.”

          Didn’t stick around long enough to see if it did, lol.

          • http://www.alltherightquestions.com Witty Pseudonym

            I love you, you nut.

            • That Ugly Kid

              I love you too, you….acorn?

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

        I’m dying over here, LMAO! You told the girl yoh had AIDS? Dman, lOL!

        • That Ugly Kid

          You didn’t see her face, bruh. You didn’t. See. Her. Face.

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

            Was she that hard on the eyes- like Venus Williams hard?

            • Juiciest Mango

              Out of curiousity, which chick is SOFT on the eyes for you mr.man?

              • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

                I will not take the bait…I will not take the bait…I will not take the bait…

                • Juiciest Mango

                  urrrrrrrrrrgh! Just ansa…what’s all this baiting, abeg just ansa!

                  • Breezy

                    TUK: This story is too funny!

      • msdebbs

        OMG you are so wrong for tell her you had AIDS. I know she was probably buggin out after that.

        • That Ugly Kid

          I highly doubt she believed it. Though she was probably p!ssed as f*ck that I bounced like that though. Don’t care. She tricked me. Hard.

      • http://www.minoritymenshow.com Mr SoBo

        TUK my man, you are one hilarious story teller. Real talk. You should consider putting a collection of your Charlie Murphy’esqe tales of hilarity in the form of a book. Call it, ‘Tales From The Tuck’. Or ‘The Misadventures of Tuckleberry Fin’, or some sh*t like that.
        You are something else bruh. lol.

        • That Ugly Kid

          Lol thanks, man. I’ve already said too much on here lol! I’m definitely not gonna gather a collection of embarrassing tales!

          • LMNOP

            You could make it a “fictional” collection of cautionary tales.

        • http://www.twitter.com/SoulaPowa Soula Powa

          Co-sign on the tales of hilarity. Make a blog and I’d visit.

      • Tx10inch

        She muffled “what’s wrong”? I didn’t want to tell her that the reason I suddenly lost interest is because she was about as cute as an ingrown toenail

        I call shenanagans TUK. You bounced in tha DEAD MIDDLE of gettin topped off?!?! Really? I don’t care how facially challenged she is, no dude’s gonna dip until his kids come up missing!

        • That Ugly Kid

          Nah. As I said.

          1. I stopped her.

          2. She wasn’t that good. So it wasn’t hard at all to bounce.

          • That Ugly Kid

            And 3. You didn’t see her face.

          • Tx10inch

            I don’t like running 5 miles either but if I start I’m not gonna quit 100 yards from the finish line! lmbo. ijs

            • That Ugly Kid

              You would if a row of grizzly bears stood in front of the finish line…

              • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

                ROTFL that you compared homegirl’s face to a row of grizzly bears.

                • Breezy

                  ikr!!!

        • msdebbs

          I’m with TUK on this one. Can you really stand being pleasured by shrek??

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

          i dont know as long as she had a vagina i would’ve let her cook

          • chameleonic

            i dunno i kinda like that his d*ck was too good to suck. it gives it an aura of superiority.

            like ‘no vile woman! you shall not taint the greatness with your insipidness!’

            • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

              Some of the things you say make the words “PUA bait” flash in my head, sweetie.Well, better you than me.

              • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

                lmao

              • chameleonic

                what does pua bait mean?

                • Sweet GA Brown

                  Pickup Artist…i think…

                • chameleonic

                  @ sweet

                  yeah, i decided to just look it up.
                  @ wc

                  [*squints eyes in feigned anger *] i am NOT pick up artist bait. ill have you know ive been successfully defending my body from predators for over a decade. its impossible to run game on me. pff. YOURE the one picking up dudes fresh out the womb.

                  • Wild Cougar

                    I didn’t mean to make you mad. It’s just that pick up artists often like to use reverse psychology on women by pretending their perms are precious and rare and you need to prove you deserve to get some. These are men who have trouble getting a woman to have a conversation with them……so……any body who would deem any man’s peen special would be the sort of woman they would go for. But as for me picking up men from the womb….what of it? I like young hot men and they like me. I fail to see the problem.

                    • chameleonic

                      lol, i wasnt mad at all. thats why i said ‘feigned anger.’ but i did feel like i had a mirror held up to my naivety for a second when i saw what ‘pua’ meant. im admittedly oblivious to sexual attraction but i am good at keeping males out of my personal space so it balances out and i dont worry too much.

                      i dont really think much of the cougar thing, i was somewhat implying a much older woman picking up younger males is probably pick up artisty. aaaaand maybe a while back i wondered if that meant you were a pedophile in your younger days but then i thought about demi moore/ashton and figured it was more like a second coming of sexual revolution. not like, you were 25 liking younger males and now its just cougarized.

                      but its your life to live. i dont really think much of it. everybody needs some good d*ck. [*shrug*]

        • GirlSixx

          “I don’t care how facially challenged she is, no dude’s gonna dip until his kids come up missing”

          *SpitsOutCoffeeAllOverScreen*

          ican’t with ya’ll today…

          Dead

      • chameleonic

        i actually read that without averting my eyes!! [*pats myself on the back*] but LOL @ “well…because her teeth would shatter.” youre silly, smh.

      • Aly

        This whole thread…. *tears*

      • Namia

        ha ha ha ha ha… i so needed to laugh wow!

      • MissRae

        Wow, lmao

      • YeahSo

        lol… you rude.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        well damn.

    • Juiciest Mango

      my crater inducing lover……LOL!

    • Asiyah

      TUK! That story! ahahahahaha