That Time Getting Hit On By A Lame Dude Made Me Sympathize With Women » VSB

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That Time Getting Hit On By A Lame Dude Made Me Sympathize With Women

Alcon Entertainment

 

Once upon a time, pretty long ago, I used to manage a nightclub in Washington, D.C. At this particular nightclub, Liv (RIP), we had a rotating list of parties throughout the week. On Friday nights, we had gay night. This was always typically a good night for us for a few different reasons: 1) Gay men like to spend money (and they really like to use cash); and 2) It may have been one of the more purely entertaining nights we had at Liv. Not because gay men are naturally entertaining, which may or may not be true, but because of some of the shenanigans that occurred during said night.

For instance, there was the time that a friend of one of the bouncers showed up alleging that the manager of the club (me) had called him to come in and host, with the manager (me) standing right there having no clue on earth who he was. When pressed about who the manager (me) was that personally sought him out to host the party, he couldn’t remember his name because of course he couldn’t. He then followed up that lie with the “Hey, man, what kind of party is this, anyway? Are all the ladies inside? There’s a lot of dudes in this line. Let me go check it out if they’re inside.”

He was met with a very matter-of-fact, “It’s OK. We know why you’re here. Enjoy yourself.” Which I’m happy to report that he did. He was living his best life that night and returned on subsequent Friday evenings for more fun.

There was also the party’s first night when all of our female bartenders had to take several shots because each one of them realized that they would likely have dated more than half of the men in attendance and had no clue they were gay. Let me tell you: I’ve heard lots of women claim to have an accurate gaydar. After working this party, I can safely say that I (and the women working there) have no fucking clue what a gay man looks like. It’s for this reason that now, when people say to me things like, “You couldn’t tell he was gay?” I just say, “Nope,” because after meeting and befriending so many of the folks at this party, I really think that unless it’s painstakingly sign-on-the-forehead obvious, you don’t know until you know. Ya know?

There was the voguing and the immediate and visceral love for Ne-Yo’s “Closer.” And the fights. Oh, the fights; they were epic. There were holes in the wall and brawls. Oh, what a night.

One of the more interesting things that happened while working this party was the newfound sympathy I gained for women being approached and hit on by stanger dangers.

Look, it was a gay club and I’m cute; I fully expected to get hit on a time or two. I had no qualms about this, and being hit on by a man didn’t and doesn’t really bother me. So where did the sympathy lie?

It was the manner in which I was hit on.

Wrote a song about it; like to hear it? Here it go.

I’d like to recount for you one of the lamest attempts at holleration I personally experienced in this dancery. Mmkay? Mmkay.

As the manager of the club, I spent a lot of time behind the bar, fixing tabs and helping out when necessary. On many occasions, when the club got super packed, I’d jump behind the bar and start bartending myself. This was both a gift and a curse. It was a gift because you made tips (which I always turned over to my staff) and a curse because bartenders get hit on in the worst ways ever.

Dudes would somehow grab and hold my hands for extended periods of time while ordering shit like a Jack and Coke, which, said in the slowest manner possible, takes upward of 1.5 seconds. Nope. I had one dude order a Jack and Coke for almost 10 seconds as I awkwardly waited for him to let my hand go so I could, ya know, make his drink. Plus, it ain’t like he was Prince or somebody. To be on the safe side, I didn’t look him directly in the eyes. He did have soft hands, though.

Well, seeing as I spent a lot of time behind the bar, that’s usually where I got hit on. I had folks offering to buy me drinks that I’d get free because, ya know, management. Or ask me if we could go to another bar to talk. I always politely said that I wasn’t interested and kept it moving.

Well, one day, one particular gentleman came to me and asked me if a cellphone had been found and turned in to the bar. I looked around and said no. He left.

Five minutes later he comes back and says, “Hey, are you sure there’s no cellphone back there?” Because I’m a nice guy, I went to look again and asked the bartenders if anybody had turned in a cellphone. Again, no.

He leaves and five minutes later comes back and says, “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Me: Sure, but there’s no cellphone back here.

Him: Has anybody ever hit on you by pretending that they lost a cellphone?

Me: …….

I swear, I said to him: Bro, that’s the best you have for me? You think that would work? Like, of all the game you have in your soul, you thought that would help you get my number and maybe help me want to get to know you better? I’m actually offended that you think such shitty game would work on me.

I walked away in a huff, incredulous and, yes, offended. For one, I’m worth better game than that. I’m certain of this. For B, that shit wouldn’t work on anybody; what I look like? Some random dude? I was really upset about this. He wasn’t funny. He wasn’t charming. He was lazy, if anything. I mean, come the fuck on. Have some respect for what I’m bringing to the table. For cripes sake, I’m the table.

Then it hit me. Man, this must be how women feel all the time. Some unfunny, uncharming, fair-to-middling-looking fellow decides to drop the worst game ever and expects results. I actually walked up to one of our bartenders and gave her a hug and said I’m sorry for all the lames who ever attempted to holler at her … which, for the record, did not include me.

Just like that, I became an ally in the fight against wack game. Granted, as a man, that pretty much ended once I stopped working at the club (actually, when we stopped having that party there), but I never forgot. Because #neverforget.

Ladies, I will never purport to know what you all go through, but for a few shining months, I came face-to-face with the adversary known only as “man.” And it turns out that gay men suck at game, too. I felt real feelings of “How dare he value me so little?” Which is funny because at no point did the fact that it was a man hitting on me cause me to snap back to reality. The lesson here?

The ego is real.

And ladies, I understand.

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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • Kat

    I remember a brotha came up to me and introduced himself with some fake name. I said bro what you momma put on the birth certificate?

    • Mika

      oh, the “stage” name, or “what people call him”. Chile.

      • Asiyah

        word! some guy was like “my name is David” and I’m like ok and then he reveals his real name is Mohammad and I’m like bro…

      • Question

        I live in LA. In my 20s, you got stage names more often then you got birth names.
        *hangs head in shame*

    • so I should stop introducing myself to women via my latin lover name?

      • LadyIbaka

        What’s the name? Lothario? *rolls eyes*

        • where is the love AfricanMami

          • LadyIbaka

            In my heart

      • Tee

        Nah, I think you could get away with it.

        • LadyIbaka

          nah.

          • Tee

            Pretty people can get away w/ a lot.

            • LadyIbaka

              Pretty women.

      • tiggatae

        Depends on the name… ;)

      • Asiyah

        what’s the name? is it Fabian? Julian? Something with an -an

        • It’s just a string of my family names.

    • HeyBooHey

      I love that smh. Guy: “my name OG Gizmo”. Me: *stares blankly* “Let’s try this. What did your mother name you?”

    • AnswerMe

      Yep. When I’m given a wack nickname I always ask what their real name is.

    • panamajackson

      Wait..that happens to me all the time. Panama ain’t my real name. But it’s a name folks know. It’s a conundrum.

      • KB

        All this time I really did think Panama was your real name.

        • Me too. I feel…cheated somehow. Lol

        • panamajackson

          It’s a good name. but alas not the name my momma named me.

          • KB

            I just thought you were part of that group of black dudes who have Spanish names for no reason at all. Ninjas like Sanchez, Diego, Cordozar (snoop’s real name) etc.

            • Val

              Lol

            • panamajackson

              lol. I was born in Panama at least.

          • Question

            But it isn’t IGotStax

            • panamajackson

              I’ve definitely introduced myself PanamaIsAwesome.Com.

              Also, Lightskinned Victorious. That’s also one of my names.

        • Kas

          Same.

        • Ess Tee

          I did, too, until he wrote something for VSB last year. Now, I ain’t asking for no confirmation nor any denials, but I low key think Panama (intentionally?) put his real name in the piece.

      • KB

        Everybody on VSB like

        • Breezy

          KB: I am really not sure where you been all these years. But I am pretty sure 95% of the folks know PJ is not his name. There is a post on how the name PJ came about. Get your toes out the sand mayne.

          • KB

            I’ve been following VSB since about 2010 or so, I must have missed that post.

            • Breezy

              SMH

          • Gibbous

            Some of us, apparently, came after that post and have not yet reached it in our perusal of the archives.

            • Breezy

              Study to show yourself approved Gibbous :)

          • Kas

            I didn’t know either.

        • panamajackson

          Sometimes I forget that folks just got here and don’t know these things. I also can’t find the post where I explained it all.

          • KB

            I’ve been reading VSB for a at least 5 years now, but its only been within the last two years that the computers at work allowed for commenting on this site, so I’m still fairly new to this. I remember when either you or Damon was interviewed on the Michael Baisden show.

      • Val

        I used to work in radio and had a ‘radio name’. It was hard getting used to that. There would be so many situations that I was debating in my head whether or not I should introduce myself with my actual name or my pseudonym.

        Definitely a conundrum.

      • Kat

        My nickname is Kat and I generally intro myself with that but if your country thick (accent and buttocks) self introduce yo self as something like “Sage”…yeah Ima side eye you and and your momma.

  • LadyIbaka

    you can spit wack game to me any day, just do NOT touch me. Jesus! Do NOT!

    • Gbadebo

      Unfortunately, I believe every woman should carry a tazer for this very reason…..Unwelcome touch?? So many many joules flowing into your body son. Good night.

      • Tee

        I keep a bottle of mace on deck very this very reason.

        • Val

          <—– may own a bottle or two of bear spray

          • Jennifer

            <—- Pepper spray. The canister is pink. So cute!

          • brothaskeeper

            Don’t use that on people, Val.

            • Val

              It’s a last resort kind of a thing.

              • brothaskeeper

                Scariest moment ever: last summer I took a student group camping in Glacier Nat’l Park, and we saw a grizzly and her two cubs about 1000 yards away from us on the trail. I almost didn’t pack the spray because I didn’t this fire-extinguisher-sized cannister hitting me on my thigh, but I did, because Black people and the wilderness have never really had a good relationship. Fortunately, I didn’t have to use it.

      • PDL – Cape Girl

        I’m all for anything shy of shooting a dude in violation.

  • PDL – Cape Girl

    I’m 99.9% sure EVERY woman has encountered some lamo at least once. There’s a dude that’s been asking me out in my building since he walked up to me a couple of years ago and asked “you remember me?” I’on remember nothing but getting the heck on cause #iknewwherethatwasgoing.

    I’m so unimpressed with all his lil catchy el lamo phrases, this is every time I see him in the building. Because none of his lines have worked, we’ve moved on to unsolicited compliments such as smart, beautiful, oh and “brains annnd beauty.” Really dude? You’re trying too hard. Stop it. I want so bad to throat punch him. So now, when I see him, he starts walking with me, I’m not listening…..#CharlieBrownsteacher. You can’t take a hint or “no”, be the hamster on the wheel then.

  • Buster Cannon

    I ran into something like this a couple of months ago.

    So I’m in the Georgia Avenue area on the way to a Street Fighter tournament after work. I get hungry and decide to stop at Wendy’s for a quick bite to eat after I get off the metro. While I’m eating I notice that this one dude keeps looking in my direction. My common sense is tingling, but I don’t think much of it, finish my food, and head out of there. I notice that the dude’s watching me and smiling as I’m walking out, but again, I ignore it and start heading over to the venue to play some SFV.

    So I’m a few blocks down from the Wendy’s, and I hear someone call out to me. Sure enough, it’s the same dude. He asks me how my food was, which to me is odd, but I tell him it was good, responding with a “have a nice day”, and I keep it moving. We start walking in different directions, dude says something along the line of “you look really good”, and I just say “thanks” and keep walking (by now I’m at my destination). I hear the guy yell out and ask for my phone number, but by then I’ve already made myself scarce.

    What was weird to me was the fact that there was NO ONE behind me when I left the Wendy’s, I remember looking back and not seeing a soul. Did this dude just sprint after me or something? Ignoring the fact that I don’t swing that way, being followed by random strangers is just all kinds of creepy. At that point I was like “hmm, this must be what women go through on a somewhat regular basis”. Women flirt, but it’s usually subtle (or I’m just that dense lol) and they don’t outright cold approach except in rare instances. With men it’s a much more direct, aggressive approach. This in itself isn’t a bad thing, but there’s a difference between asking for someone’s number politely and outright following them down the span of multiple blocks…just…no.

    • Women flirt, but it’s usually subtle (or I’m just that dense lol) and
      they don’t outright cold approach except in rare instances.

      Among the general population, yes. At the parties I go to, well I could do a twelve part series on VSB on that. LOL

    • Sigma_Since 93

      I had a dude leave me a note on my car letting me know that he understood my situation, wife and kids, but if I ever wanted to “get away” he was available.

      The wackest thing that happened to me was when I worked at a film developing kisok. Dude came in with pics of him giving brain to another dude; by law we couldn’t print those pics. He asked why wasn’t his whole roll of film developed and I told him. He then asked if I liked what I saw and that could be me on the receiving end if I played my cards right. I straight clowned him. Was I wrong??

    • Brooklyn_Bruin

      Street fighter tournament? Color me intrigued. Is it a weekly?

      • Buster Cannon

        Yep, there’s a place in DC that runs a weekly every Friday.

  • DBoySlim

    Man I’ve had this happen to me a couple of times. Dudes came with the lamest of game. I understand women a lot better now. I also understand why some single women wear wedding rings.

    • OSHH

      I don’t wear a wedding ring but the unwelcome ice grill when I don’t want to bothered.

    • fxd8424

      I used to wear a ring until I found it makes no difference.

      • DBoySlim

        One of my boys tried to holler at a woman once. She wouldn’t talk to him because he WASN’T married.

  • Ernest Owens

    DON’T COMPARE: Mixed feelings about this. It’s cute that the author goes out of his way to prove that he is comfortable with his sexuality enough not to get offended by being hit on by a man (those sarcastic ally claps for humanity)…but the conclusion he draws from it is much more unsettling.

    You shouldn’t have to get hit on by a man to sympathize with women, and your experience doesn’t compare at all in the least bit. This account is a shallow understanding of rape culture and the real present physical danger and concern women actually feel when approached by creepy men…

    It’s more than just being thrown a dumb pick up line, it’s the harassment and the entitlement that such men have over women’s attention and body that’s the least appealing. I think the writer misses the patriarchal differences between a man getting hit on by the same gender vs. a woman.

    As a gay man who has been hit on by men I wasn’t interested in, there was a power and male privilege that I had that women don’t possess often in these situations. These men would back off after being rejected and most of the time I was never physically threatened or concerned with the consequences of what would happen if I said no.

    Unfortunately, women don’t have that luxury in society. They can really risk physical and immediate harm or harassment if they are not strategic in how they deal with these situations. You can try to say “oh, this guy is getting too deep with this” but that’s the very sexism that progresses the rape culture we live in today.

    This article was a total and unfortunate reach.

    • Mika

      um, ok.

    • Wizznilliam

      Of course you are right. And that is a serious point in a serious discussion. I think though that the article is more of a comedic take on getting hit on versus the very serious point of many men not taking rejection appropriately and over step boundaries. Again, I do agree that is a VERY serious problem that women have to deal with that most men will never understand.

    • AnswerMe

      He’s written about how vulnerable women are before and as a father, brother, friend, and boyfriend, he hates the fact that a man could approach one of his female loved ones in a violent and or threatening manner. So I think he’s well aware and “gets it.”

    • Cleojonz

      Yeah you are clearly new to the board and the game. If you knew of the author’s sentiments you would also know that this is just one of the MANY ways he sympathizes with women. This is just ONE topic of conversation. Why so salty? And why come all the way over here just to express said saltiness? YOU sir are the one who is reaching.

    • panamajackson

      Ok. Cool.

    • True … but LET US LAUGH! Life will remind us how hard it is soon enough…

    • brothaskeeper

      Lighten up, Francis….

    • Rex_Magnus

      I suppose NBA playoff season is as good a time as any to go this hard in the paint.

  • -h.h.h.-
    • -h.h.h.-

      #donttalktoanyonemovement

      • LadyIbaka

        #YoutalktoGoddoe?

      • Real talk though, my older brother was lamenting to me how it’s so different now compared to back when he was a teen (late 80s-early 90s) in terms of talking to women on the street. He said it’s just that much harder these days. I’m more of an internet baby than him, but I have to agree on that one.

        • -h.h.h.-

          i stopped trying.

          win win for all parties.

        • Ille Jay

          I agree to an extent…women have literally heard it ALL by now….

          on Facebook, on that trendy New Blog site…in a magazine they peruse (does that still happen in real life?)…20yrs ago all this information wasn’t being siphoned and spread ad infinitum for the world to see…game WAS Sold, now most is just ‘Stold’!

          Remember I used to have my paper and pen on my person at all times, eff a Pistol-Grip! Ahh, Memories.

        • SiennaS

          But can you blame us though? I don’t remember all of these news stories of women getting murdered because they rejected a man back in the 90s. I mean, honestly, as a woman I am on guard because some men will straight up assault or kill you even if you politely turn them down. Men arw afraid of the rejection, women are afraid of getting killed.

          • We’ve become more narcissistic as a society since the 90’s.

            Narcissists think the real world should magnify the world in their mind, and when it doesn’t, they either respond with rage or distance themselves from reality.

            So you end up having a dude whose coming at you, and he’s already imagined in his mind that he’s Rico Suave and that his words and swagger are going to overcome your sense and get you all hot and bothered from smacking his lips like pre-Uncle Denzel. When you respond with irritation, distance, indifference or even a kind rejection, rage ensues. How dare you crush his dreams?

            On the flipside, we as guys deal with the same thing, though the violence isn’t as pronounced. A woman already has the achetype she wants in her man: his height, skin tone, composure etc. And when she walks out in public she expects that only that guy will have the b@lls to come at her, only to end up having “Broke Kevin Hart” pulling the Rico Suave routine. In this scenario she snaps, and then dude is like “I was just saying ‘hi’.”

            Narcissism doesn’t care about privilege.

            People can debate and lament this, but outside of becoming a less narcissist nation, I don’t see any solution to this kind of thing.

          • I think it’s more the knowledge then the actual acts. Chicks were probably getting bodied back then, but it was acknowledged much less.

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          They communicating with one another. Creating even higher barriers and then get mad when no one gets over the wall.

          Over the years I’ve worked with hundreds of them. Heard all the stories. No good men, lame game

          You can’t tell them nothing, they know everything.

          Sitting in a big house, nice car, great wardrobe, looking at that Big Sisters application.

          Meanwhile no game Gary is putting rims on the Chrysler. When he would really like to be taking training wheels off a bike.

          Shrugs

          • The strangest thing about my current dating situation (where I occasionally dabble in “vanilla” dating) is how it’s way easier to have a regular conversation with my freak circles then regular ones. In the latter, the arms race mindset is so powerful that it’s hard to ha e a straight conversation. On the flip side, since we all know what we’re hear for, more traditional game methods seem to work better.

            • Brooklyn_Bruin

              Man…
              That is the whole game right there.

              Dante would say that most people dating are just having their representatives meet. Six months down the line the real people show up, and both sides realize they don’t like it, but they’ve already invested 6 months

  • KB

    Honestly, I’ve never tried to talk to a woman at a club. Between the loud music, the crowded area (dance floor or bar) and the fact that fiddy’lem ninjas done tried to holla at her and she has probably accepted 5 numbers that night, it just isn’t the right scene. Not to mention that if either or us are tipsy when we exchange numbers neither will probably remember it the next day so yeah I don’t go to the club to pick up women.

    SN: I’ve been to a gay club before. Years ago I used to date/kick it/whatever you wanna call it with this lady who invited me down to Charleston for the weekend. We stayed at her cousin and his boyfriend’s house, who btw the way had a nice a$$ pad. That first night there we ended up going to a drag show at a gay club (cant remember the name). It didn’t bother me because 1) I’m not gay and 2) I was there with a woman so in my mind I was good. Needless to say it was very interesting to just sit back and observe.

  • HeyBooHey

    I heard the greatest lame lines when I commuted in NYC. But the best and GOAT lame line will forever be:
    Him – you got a man?
    Me – Responds yes regardless of actual status
    Him – is you happy?
    Me – responds yes regardless
    Him – so…can you have friends??

    N*gga….

    • LadyIbaka

      Yap. That’s NYC dudes all day.

    • DBoySlim

      Can you have friends has to be the worst. I’m always honest. I have enough friends.

      • LadyIbaka

        I’m like sure and proceed to give him a fake number. be blessed and have a good day honey.

        • Mika

          nah they don’t even let you do that anymore, “call me right now so I can save your number in my phone.”

          • LadyIbaka

            My phone dead.

            • Mika

              LMAO

          • Jennifer

            My google voice # has come in handy for these situations. I can replace that number easily.

            • Mika

              lmao. I always forget about google voice.

        • DBoySlim

          You gotta be careful with that. We men got hip to the game. Call my phone will kill that noise.

          • LadyIbaka

            Bih, it dead doe.

        • DeebaCee

          Nah, that fake number routine stopped working circa 2010 when people started immediately calling/texting you so “now you have my number too.”

      • HeyBooHey

        Ive asked “how friendly are you talking?” Stumps them and I exit stage left

        • Ille Jay

          Like Chris Rokk said on Crunk Juice…”The Friend that’s needlin you in the rear!!” (PC Translation)

        • fxd8424

          I tell ’em I don’t have friends I sleep with. Gets them every time.

    • Mika

      Love the friend line.

    • Ugh… You’re right, that is GOAT lame. Guys really think they’re gonna trip you up by asking if you’re happy and open to having new “friends.” Nah. Nope. My imaginary, make-pretend-so-you-leave-me-alone boyfriend is the CRAZIEST.

      I’ve even looked around and said, “He wouldn’t even like this line of questioning, sir. Save your self.” and kept it moving while they look over their shoulder.

      • HeyBooHey

        Lol!” Imaginary boo will pop up at any time, save yoself!”

      • Jennifer

        “He wouldn’t even like this line of questioning, sir. Save your self.”

        LOL! Borrowing this line. Gives me a reason to bring out my arsenal of accents. I’m imagining it with the inflection of a “Southern Belle catching the vapors.”

        • lol Yep, it’s all so ridiculous, you might as well have some fun with it.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      Some dudes don’t get that if a lady was looking for some side action, she would seek it out herself. At a minimum, you letting her know that you are available to be the side piece just killed your chances of being the side piece.

      • Mika

        Thank you.

      • Ille Jay

        Gotta Shoot Your Shot! Some Men don’t have it down pat like others. Haha

        • Sigma_Since 93

          But he’s aiming too low. I’ve never known a woman who is attracted to a man who thinks / puts himself second. Even in the courtship of the side piece, dude acts like he’s auditioning for the lead role.

    • Glockenspiel

      They say that every time! Every. Time. EVERY.GOT.DAMB.TIME.

    • Qris_10

      This kills me dead every time…….Ready to drop kick a fool into the pit in 300….

    • rhymeswithbrucelee

      That’s pickup line number one in The Lame N***** Handbook

    • IlikeHotCheetos

      Oh yes, I can have as many friends as I want. But I don’t wanna make your acquaintance!!!

  • Gay men flirting is kind of cool to me. For whatever reason, I come off as Super Saiyan straight, because 80% of the time, when they hit on me, they hit me with the “I know you’re straight” line before spitting. Two, it’s useful to learn the points where you F up in the game. You realize that such and such lines either work or don’t and use that to improve.

    On the flip side, dudes with wack game have a purpose with women too. I’ve learned what type of women have and don’t have sense thanks to Wack Game. A woman with sense will politely brush someone off unless they get to threatening. A woman with issues treats a meek hello with the same mindset as a dude who straight whipped out his peen and tried to shove it in her mouth. It doesn’t mean you’ll hit on said woman if she’s polite, but she’ll get on the Aw H3ll Naw!!!!111 list if she’s the latter.

    • LadyIbaka

      Agree with you one hundid on a woman with sense and one without it!

    • OSHH

      You know that actually happened to me once, at a club that used to down here in SW. A gay club on a straight night, Tracks…dude followed me in there and exposed himself at the bar.

      • I’m not sure I’d want head from someone who would have accepted that situation. Lots of things could have gone left with that…

    • Asiyah

      “I know you’re straight” is a weak line and I’m not here for that weakness! Get it together, fellas!

      • Kas

        I was thinking the same thing.

        • Asiyah

          It’s like nobody’s even trying anymore! What’s the point?

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