Relationships are full of moments. There’s the first time you hold hands. The first kiss. (Hopefully) The first smang. The moment where you realize her cooking tastes like an a** sandwich. Or the first time you realize his toenails look like they fought in ‘Nam.
But moment’s don’t just exist inside of an official relationship. What about that moment when you’re talking to somebody and you realize “holy sh*tcakes Batman, I’m smitten with this motherf*cker” and then you momentarily nut up like LeBron James in the fourth quarter. Or the moment when you realize that you have got to have this person for breakfast. Not on some toot it and boot it steez, but on some, “I wonder if she’ll make me brefest…” steez. Or the moment where you realize that you are exactly where you want to be. But not like Donell Jones.
Every aspect of a relationship is defined or spearheaded by some moment of realization. And the end is no different. And the most akward moment for a man is the moment he realizes that he no longer wants to sleep with a woman.
Because that is the end of it even if exists for two months or ten years more. Conventional wisdom states that all men are wanton lustbags ready to rock and fire even if we have no emotional investment in a woman. And you know, that’s true…as long as we never had an emotional investment. If we ever get emotionally caught in a woman, the moment where we realize that we no longer want to do the beatitupright dance is a very confusing and confounding one. It’s enough to drive you to drink. Considering that the way most men tend to “show” their love is through their never-ending desire for their woman (five love languages notwithstanding), it’s no wonder that women lose their sh*t when their man can go weeks without even wanting to touch her. Yeah, we’re going to tell you that we’re fine and just stressed, but the truth is, we realized we don’t care if we see you naked again. Not only do we not care, we actually don’t desire to see it anymore.
And trust me, it f*cks with us just as much as it f*cks with any woman. At that awkward moment that we realize this, we know we’re stuck in a situation that we can’t just walk away from. Breakups either happen quickly via some sort of life altering event (pretty sure between punches, Rihanna said “I quit you”) which is the ideal or they happen slowly with both sides pretending that they’re still there mentally, which is clearly the calendar from hell. And I’ll go so far as to say that most women still are there, as women tend to stick around longer (mentally and emotionally) than we will for various reasons stemming from not wanting to start over to honestly having no clue what happened and refusing to believe that it can’t be worked out. Though I really think that the reason most woman refuse to acknowledge the end is because they don’t want to be wrong about their choice of man.
The relationship-slow-death is the most frustrating downfall ever. You’ve got two sides growing further and further apart while pretending to be as close as ever. But it had to start somewhere, and that’s the moment where the dude realized he didn’t want to let you play with his wang anymore. It’s a vulnerable time. It really is.
And you know it happens before actual relationships start (as referenced above). Dude can be out on a date with a woman that he was vibing with and found stimulating, interesting, attractive, and sexxy and in one fell swoop something can be said or done to murder that whole entire vibe. At which point, the dude might be like, “f*ck, I don’t even want to beat…what’s the quickest way I can get out of this Red Lobster, stick her with the bill, and go find that Kim chick from Cube’s “Today Was A Good Day” song.” I’ve seent it happen with my own two eyes. Trust me. While its purported that women know if they would sleep with a man within the first five seconds of meeting him, the decision about whether or not they will or not usually takes some convincing. Of course, us menfolks on the other hand, if we’re going out on a date with you there’s about a 123 percent chance that we will.
Which is why that moment is so awkward for a man…once you remove the sex from an equation where it’s 3 out of 5 variables, the relationship is dead.
So ladies, start asking the right question when things go south. Instead of asking (as you all do) “do you still love me?” ask the more pertinent question…”do you still want to sleep with me?”
His reaction, not his answer, will likely tell you everything you need to know about the future of your relationship. If that’s gone ladies, so are you.
Fellas, do I speak truth? What’s the moment when you know the relationship is ending?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka BIGHAND PIMPHAND JOE aka YOUNG P DA FLY THIEF aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
Note: A ways back, Liz mentioned that yours truly makes some music for the people and what not. Well tonight, I released one of my projects on Twitter by my “group” Everybody Wants Free so I’m going to do the same here. It’s an album called The Social Loner. The entire project is conceived, composed, programmed, played, produced, mixed, sequenced, loved, and hated by Panama Jackson and his various alteregos. It was conceived of as a sort of motion picture score to a time in my life. Anyway, feel free to download it for free. It’s an instrumental album…a side project of experimental music. Anyway, enjoy. All feedback is good feedback so hate it or love it, feel free to tell me. I appreciate the support either way.