Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

That Awkward Moment When The Relationship Ends


Relationships are full of  moments. There’s the first time you hold hands. The first kiss. (Hopefully) The first smang. The moment where you realize her cooking tastes like an a** sandwich. Or the first time you realize his toenails look like they fought in ‘Nam.

But moment’s don’t just exist inside of an official relationship. What about that moment when you’re talking to somebody and you realize “holy sh*tcakes Batman, I’m smitten with this motherf*cker” and then you momentarily nut up like LeBron James in the fourth quarter. Or the moment when you realize that you have got to have this person for breakfast. Not on some toot it and boot it steez, but on some, “I wonder if she’ll make me brefest…” steez. Or the moment where you realize that you are exactly where you want to be. But not like Donell Jones.

Every aspect of a relationship is defined or spearheaded by some moment of realization. And the end is no different. And the most akward moment for a man is the moment he realizes that he no longer wants to sleep with a woman.

Ever again.

Because that is the end of it even if exists for two months or ten years more. Conventional wisdom states that all men are wanton lustbags ready to rock and fire even if we have no emotional investment in a woman. And you know, that’s true…as long as we never had an emotional investment. If we ever get emotionally caught in a woman, the moment where we realize that we no longer want to do the beatitupright dance is a very confusing and confounding one. It’s enough to drive you to drink. Considering that the way most men tend to “show” their love is through their never-ending desire for their woman (five love languages notwithstanding), it’s no wonder that women lose their sh*t when their man can go weeks without even wanting to touch her. Yeah, we’re going to tell you that we’re fine and just stressed, but the truth is, we realized we don’t care if we see you naked again. Not only do we not care, we actually don’t desire to see it anymore.

And trust me, it f*cks with us just as much as it f*cks with any woman. At that awkward moment that we realize this, we know we’re stuck in a situation that we can’t just walk away from. Breakups either happen quickly via some sort of life altering event (pretty sure between punches, Rihanna said “I quit you”) which is the ideal or they happen slowly with both sides pretending that they’re still there mentally, which is clearly the calendar from hell. And I’ll go so far as to say that most women still are there, as women tend to stick around longer (mentally and emotionally) than we will for various reasons stemming from not wanting to start over to honestly having no clue what happened and refusing to believe that it can’t be worked out. Though I really think that the reason most woman refuse to acknowledge the end is because they don’t want to be wrong about their choice of man.

The relationship-slow-death is the most frustrating downfall ever. You’ve got two sides growing further and further apart while pretending to be as close as ever. But it had to start somewhere, and that’s the moment where the dude realized he didn’t want to let you play with his wang anymore. It’s a vulnerable time. It really is.

And you know it happens before actual relationships start (as referenced above). Dude can be out on a date with a woman that he was vibing with and found stimulating, interesting, attractive, and sexxy and in one fell swoop something can be said or done to murder that whole entire vibe. At which point, the dude might be like, “f*ck, I don’t even want to beat…what’s the quickest way I can get out of this Red Lobster, stick her with the bill, and go find that Kim chick from Cube’s “Today Was A Good Day” song.” I’ve seent it happen with my own two eyes. Trust me. While its purported that women know if they would sleep with a man within the first five seconds of meeting him, the decision about whether or not they will or not usually takes some convincing. Of course, us menfolks on the other hand, if we’re going out on a date with you there’s about a 123 percent chance that we will.

Which is why that moment is so awkward for a man…once you remove the sex from an equation where it’s 3 out of 5 variables, the relationship is dead.

So ladies, start asking the right question when things go south. Instead of asking (as you all do) “do you still love me?” ask the more pertinent question…”do you still want to sleep with me?”

His reaction, not his answer, will likely tell you everything you need to know about the future of your relationship. If that’s gone ladies, so are you.

Fellas, do I speak truth? What’s the moment when you know the relationship is ending?


Note: A ways back, Liz mentioned that yours truly makes some music for the people and what not. Well tonight, I released one of my projects on Twitter by my “group” Everybody Wants Free so I’m going to do the same here. It’s an album called The Social Loner. The entire project is conceived, composed, programmed, played, produced, mixed, sequenced, loved, and hated by Panama Jackson and his various alteregos. It was conceived of as a sort of motion picture score to a time in my life. Anyway, feel free to download it for free. It’s an instrumental album…a side project of experimental music. Anyway, enjoy. All feedback is good feedback so hate it or love it, feel free to tell me. I appreciate the support either way.

Everybody Wants Free (produced by Panama Jackson) – The Social Loner: Original Motion Picture Score (mediafire DL link)

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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • Corey

    When you would rather be ANYWHERE but where she is most of the time.

  • Malik

    Mixtape is quality. Now to read the post.

  • MademoiseleOgus

    Newbie to the site! just showin love, absolutely a fan!

  • CaribbeanQueen

    wow. I’d never heard of this before until now.
    what makes a man stop wanting to sleep with a woman? is she sexually boring? just not attracted to her anymore? i’m confused.

    “Though I really think that the reason most woman refuse to acknowledge the end is because they don’t want to be wrong about their choice of man.”

    this is true.

  • LegallySouthern1

    That moment for a woman when we stop seeing that “glimmer” in his eyes when we catch him looking at us. We wonder whether its just a “phase,” a sideline heauxx or if its a sign we should begin the process of emotionally detaching ourselves from his mind, body & stroke.

    Fellas, if she asks to smell your d*ck, the relationship is over. Word to Riskay.

    Caught the mixtape when PJ released it on Twitter. I digs it but I kinda wish there was some obnoxious DJ, like Khaled, hosting it. Don’t judge me, I’m southern.

  • B. Brown

    Haven’t done anything like this in a while, so in honor of tonight’s ESPYs I’ll turn the clock back a bit and offer a special remix of the classic Jamie Foxx performance for Serena Williams back at the ’03…for the e-boo.

    *If anyone is clueless at this point, this clip ( will help a whole lot.

    “Can I be your hockey puck, hockey puck, hockey puck –
    Girl, you got them dumps just like a truck, babe…
    We can skate real slow or skate real fast,
    Can my slide my stick against your…glass…
    Some men wanna be Liz’s thong,
    Mrs. Mariah Cannon – ain’t that wrong…

    (Just don’t look right, that don’t make no sense)

    I’m tired of that Kelly Rowland song…
    Baby can you put me on – let me be your hockey puck…
    We can go first period (horn) second, third period (horn),
    Overtime with you, we’ll play one or twooooooo…..
    You can wear your favorite shoes…baby,
    You can start off in a suit….I just wanna, I just, I…..

    Cut, cut it, cut it: can I be your hockey puck….

    I can’t give you everything, I can’t give you everything tonight.”

    *Yes, I know there was a second part. I also know it was done at the followig year’s ESPYs. Start the countdown.

    Alright, on to the post…

    For me, it’s over when I plain don’t want to be around her anymore. If I’d rather go home and sleep in my own bed (alone, obviously) than sleep with her, then it’s pretty much a wrap. If I tried, I could probably think of the shark-jumping moments in all of my past relationships. Without thinking about them, I know that sometimes I took heed of those moments and ran for the hills…and sometimes I didn’t. Of course, times regarding the latter were more painful.

    If I think that good times can be better without her and that bad times are no better with her, then it’s time to be out. And if it gets to the point where she actually offers and I turn it down? Done. For. Then again, I get to the “I can do without you” point faster than most guys (at least the ones I know) do – so my sentiment may not be that of the majority.

  • Tes

    I think that makes a lot of sense, seeing as we’re first physically drawn to a person.

    I’m not sure what awkward women are for women inside of relationships. Outside there are many.

    1) That awkward moment when your blind date drops something down your shirt and attempts to go after it.
    2) That awkward moment when you are the single friend at a table full of couples.
    3) That awkward moment when your family keeps asking if you’re dating/married/pregnant.
    4) That awkward moment when your friend starts sleeping with an ex*
    5) That awkward moment where you get “Cockroached” by your friend a la “No you gon’ head and holler at him,” no girl you go, “No you, I insist,” aiight then!
    6) That awkward moment where you start to approach a guy only to be usurped by some ugmo dude who blocks you the whole night
    7) That awkward moment where you find your mom’s bootycall bag.

    *Yes, not all women care to the utmost but we’d all be lying if we said it didn’t irk us a little bit in a “respect- thug life loyalty” sort of way.

  • Adonis

    That pic looked like something you would see on Family Guy

    Except it wasn’t…

    I hope they caught the guy :-)

  • Malik

    When you expect to fight over every single insignificant thing and you do preemptive attacks regardless of if she was going to start arguing.

  • Bengemin Grehe

    Funny that I’ve never materialized this myself. But I must say, this is very truthful.

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