Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Pretty sure this guy is going to lie to you ladies.

I have a serious question. I know, I know. Normally when I say I have a serious question, its not really that serious. In fact it’s the anti-serious, kind of like how painting a macrame scarf (WTF?) can be somebody’s anti-drug. Again, this one is serious.

Ahem.

Have any of you people every met somebody in real life that was actually…breathtaking? Or stunning? Or somebody that actually took your breath away on sight?

See? Serious.

I thought really long and hard about this one day and I realized that I’ve never actually seen a woman with my own two eyes who I’ve deemed as either of those terms. But men especially thrown those words out at women like darts – BONG BONG – when we meet them. Hell, Marcus Graham called Skeletor breathtaking when he met her by the elevators in Boomerang. And it was game then obviously. Mostly because Jacqueline Broyer was not, in fact, breathtaking.

Let’s get this out the way. Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But there are two things that are fact: busted as the f*ck and absolutely banging. At least in the realm of female attractiveness. The middle tier (or the 90 percent non-outliers on the bell curve) all come down to personal preference really. But it never fails, you go out and there is some simp ninja telling some woman who couldn’t take anybody’s breath if she was a starring alien in Lifeforce.

Here’s an anecdote that might refute most of what I’m saying and prove it at the same time. I know I contradicted myself, look I don’t need that now. There has been once in my entire life where a woman has stopped me dead in my tracks. I was at Lenox Square Mall in Atlanta in like 2003 and Mick’s was still open. It was the summer and I was visiting from out of town and I walked into the Foot Locker entrance. I walked around the banister and and saw a homegirl of mine that used to date one of my boys. I saw her from a distance because she was lightskint as all hell.

Anyway, as I start to approach her I actually stopped dead in my tracks and just yelled out “DAMN!” I was stunned for 1.5 seconds by just how absolutely gorgeous she looked.

And she was at work. As a waitress. At a restaurant. Not dolled up or anything. I can honestly say that I’ve never had that reaction since.

Even when I see her now I don’t have the same reaction though she can live off of that one day forever for all I care. Point is, I’ve lived a good long life thus far and have seen scores of women. Definitely at least four score. Now perhaps my standards are a bit high (fairly or unfairly) but superbad is superbad whether your a pr0n star or a librarian. Pr0n star librarians get extra points. That’s what mama used to say. She also told me to take my time young man and don’t rush to get old. But that’s neither here nor there.

All this to say, every time I hear a dude say that some woman is breathtaking or stunning…I think he’s lying. Every.Time.

But my guess is that men say it because women eat it up. Also, I can’t imagine a woman actually telling a man that he was either of those things. That’s too much of a leg up for him. She’ll end up naked before she can spell out whatever word she used to compliment him. I have had plenty of women tell me that they thought some particular chap was “gorgeous” or “beautiful”. I’m never quite sure what to do with that information. In fact, as I re-read what I just wrote, I’m not even sure what to do with that. And I wrote it.

Ladies, if you call me beautiful, I’m assuming that means you want my wang.

Anyway, good people of the V.S.B., have you ever actually met anybody who you’d consider to be breahtaking, etc? And more importantly, ladies, just how much do you think men lie to get you interested? If a man were to tell you that he thought you were stunning, would you believe him? (If your ego wasn’t involved)? Fellas, have you ever told a woman she was breathtaking…and didn’t mean it but thought she wanted to hear it?

Let’s help that chick stuck lonely at the bar people. Help her

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. TELLHERSHEBOOTIFUL aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • Dione

    “some simp ninja telling some woman who couldn’t take anybody’s breath if she was a starring alien in Lifeforce.”

    *dead*

  • Girl Kanyeshrug

    “If a man were to tell you that he thought you were stunning, would you believe him? ”

    Yes ( I would believe that he believed that). But mainly because more than one guy has said it.
    (I know this sounds as if I am stuck on myself, but I’m really not)

  • http://twitter.com/thenaimacyde Naima

    I have definitely seen someone who was breathtaking. I’m a straight female, but I think women are more beautiful than men. This woman who worked at the Clinique counter at Nordstrom was soooo beautiful. I could BARELY remember what I was going to buy. I just kept staring. I don’t know man. My faith in God was renewed.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

    Anyway, good people of the V.S.B., have you ever actually met anybody who you’d consider to be breahtaking, etc? And more importantly, ladies, just how much do you think men lie to get you interested? If a man were to tell you that he thought you were stunning, would you believe him? (If your ego wasn’t involved)? Fellas, have you ever told a woman she was breathtaking…and didn’t mean it but thought she wanted to hear it?

    Nope. A lot. Nope again.

    (gets comfy)

  • Leila

    I met one guy who took my breath away and he’s one of my closest friends now. But I met him at work and I’m not joking, it took three times before I could talk in full sentences around him. All the women in the office were mesmerized by him and he didn’t have a clue cuz he’s real modest, but absolutely gorgeous.

  • Kidsister

    I’ve met guys that I thought were “breathtaking”. This one dude I know, smiled at me when I first met him and I could’ve sworn his dimple made that *ding* sound effect that you hear/see on tv and in the movies…I remember like it was yesterday. MMM MMM MMM…SMH.

    As for men lying to get us interested, I think it happens just about everytime a man opens his mouf to spit game. My cousin’s finance-ee’s opening line was “I just want to take you out for some ice cream.” 10 years later, she still aint got that ice cream #lies

  • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com Sagey Bear

    I’ve seen plenty of women that have simply stopped me in my tracks with their looks alone. Less than 10 I’m sure.
    For me however, a woman could walk by me everyday and look plain Jane as all of perdition until I get to know her. If I really enjoyed her personality, who she is and what she stands for, there is, in no certain terms, a heavenly glow added to everything she touches. Suddenly, she is stuck in my mind like a paradise for my mind’s eye to peruse endlessly.

    Other women tend to lose significance. All I really see is her. Everybody beyond her turns into a place holder.

    Of course, none of that sounds normal. Not in the life I live or the people I talk to. I always hear different perspectives. For me, it is all true and I’ve never needed to lie to tell a woman she was beautiful. If I said it, I meant it because I could see it.

    I’m a natural high kind of guy though, so I might as well walk around hopped up on percocets. IJS.

    To me, the most beautiful woman in the World(here on planet Earth) has as much to do with who is looking at her as it does why it is being said.

  • Mo-VSS

    If a man told me that I was fine would I believe it? Yeah, I’d believe that I was gorgeous to him. Not to all men.

    And my ex the single most attractive man I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m talking on tv, in real life, in my dreams…all of that. Bonafide “off the charts” fine. Body, face…all of it. I used to say that he was fine (to him), but really, he was what every woman thinks of when she says she wants a fine, dark, chiseled man. Perfection. Period.

    Good Lawd, that man!

  • http://www.twitter.com/brotherjames ChaoticDiva

    If I tell a man that he’s beautiful, I am probably thinking about tappin that arse how beautiful we would look as a couple.

    …what?

    …and I’m pretty sure I ran game on half the Air Force this weekend. Never ever put me in a city full of buff men in town for a convention that are all tanned, and ethnic (of all different sorts) and gorgeous. Yes, this weekend I was quite a predator.

    Ok, now I’m snitching on myself. Back to my cave, Alfred is calling me.

  • IsOurChildrenLearning?

    In my Life I’ve seen 5 breathtaking women and two breathtaking men. That’s it. I vividly remember each instance. *I’m a straight woman in case you’re wondering*

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