so naughty. you naughty bear you.
One of the common themes through the comments of the past two days has been the notion of the cocktease. By most accounts, the cocktease is the bane of most men’s existence. But she’s everywhere. She’s in videos standing behind all of the best-selling author video vixens waving at you and winking. She’s at the supermarket making comments about her melons then holding a kumquat asking how to spell it because she always thought it started with a “c” like, you know, the c-word. In effect, the cocktease is a mirage of sexual manifestation…with you.
She’s not all bad actually. But she is a man-eater…well, that’s when she actually does sleep with somebody. Which is generally not you. Cockteases are almost always boning somebody but save their best material for the guys that have no real chance. In effect, cockteases are a**holes like Kanye West and Dame Dash.
By the way, is anybody else worried that Twitter might implode now that Kanye West has officially joined? I’m not sure the world is ready.
Anywho, while the cocktease is the most famous of the tease phylum, the truth is there are myriad others that are worthy of note. And you know what, men are JUST as guilty of being a tease as women are, dontchaknow? Here are some other teases to be aware or:
1. Relationship tease
I’m just going to say this one outright: 98 percent of all men are relationship teases. Sorry, I just had a Lyfe Jennings moment. The relationship tease is the one that drives women the most crazy. You know the type, vaguely keeps a woman around and treats her like a girlfriend but refuses to be locked down into a title…ever. He also constantly mentions that you all are just having fun and why rock the boat and ruin a perfectly good thing. I wish I could tell you what this guy looked like, but I can’t, because he looks like the guy most of you women who aren’t in a “titled” relationship are dating. Right now. Tell him I said what’s up when you go over to his house at 2am this morning.
2. Date tease
You ever met somebody who would CONSTANTLY tell you that they wanted to hook up, but when you made some effort, they disappeared off the map altogether. You know the convo:
Him: You’re fun. We should kick it sometime.
Her: Really? I’m cool with that.
(Exchange info)
Her: Hey, did you want to link up for coffee?
Him: *crickets*
2 days later
Her: Hey, just checking to see if you’re alive.
Him: Yeah, I’m good. Just got locked in a cryonic chamber while working on this album of mine. Yo, we should get up some time!
By the way this entire exchange happened via text. Date teases NEVER answer the phone.
3. Fun tease
This one is not opposite sex specific. This can be that friend of yours who is always up for going out but is then always ready to go home 5 minutes after you get to the party. I hate these people. Mostly because they never drive but are always harping on you leaving no matter how much fun you’re having. The fun tease never rocks a smile. Actually, you know what? Fun teases are never 100 percent on board with going out, they need convincing and always relent and pretend they did you a favor by hanging with them for the speck of time. This tease is also known as Cockblocker Extraordinare.
4. Quality time tease
So I met this girl when I was 10 years old, and what I love most is that she had so much soul. What does that have to do with the price of black CDs in Kazakhstan? Nothing. But I just wanted to spend a little quality time with you.
Rofflle.
Quality time teases are those men and women who KNOW that what you really want from them is a little time to get to know them better who ALWAYS end up finding something else they have to go do or leave to do. Always. Like Atlantic Starr. We also call these people: guys with kids.
Rimshot.
Anyway, those are some teases that are popular in pop culture and society as a whole. Be clear, the cocktease trumps all else on the scale of helldom, but others exist and vie for the proper credit and attention.
So I ask thee, residents of the VSB fiefdom, what are other teases worthy of note and which tease is the worstest?
Inquiring minds would like to know.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka VITAMIN P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
That photo?!?!
You out-firsted me on the day after my birfday?! Blasphemy!!
LOL, this gon’ be like several days later:
You out-firsted me 34 days after my birfday? Have you no compassion?!
lol I’m just as surprised as you are!!!
How was your birfday??? Did you get Idris?
@Andi…better question…did she and PJ make it official????
@Jai,
Even better question, where can I get that hat that man is OBVIOUSLY wearing (I refuse to believe he cut his hair like that) in your avatar so I can get it for Panama’s next birfday?
(See how I didn’t even answer your question yet left room for interpretation? I’m a walking brilliant movie.)
Im late…but I wanted to say HappyBday to u…
Have a great weekend!
I’m so mad at the saucy teddy bear. Anywho, can someone explain number 2 to me? Why even suggest kicking it if you don’t want to? Seriously, why mention it? What do you want?
Number 4 pisses me off when it’s old best friends from hs (who you only see once or twice a year anyway) that always flake out of get together plans at the last minute. This irks me. Don’t be all like “girl! I miss you,” and then when I suggest coffee the only time we’re both in town, get all ghost like. Casper.
@Andi, Tease #2 is a friggin’ enigma. I can’t call it. I don’t know if it’s them trying to front as if they are sooooo busy (negative) or if they realize they are not of substance so they feel uncomfortable you finding that out, or they just ask to see if you’d be up for it to stroke their own ego. I ain’t got that kind of time (Shout Out Nickerz!)
I see you boo!!
I had a date tease a few years back. We talked, text’d, myspace message, set up dates…and then she’d flake. We ended up going out once and had a blast. It was AFTER that when she came clean and told me she “kinda” had a boyfriend. So yeah, as Eff said, the date tease has other options or they just want a little attention that they may not be receiving from someone else.
“I’m so mad at the saucy teddy bear. Anywho, can someone explain number 2 to me? Why even suggest kicking it if you don’t want to? Seriously, why mention it? What do you want?”
I’m guilty of number 2 because I’m also guilty of number 1. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with that person, it’s because I’m usually doing a number 1 (no potty) to someone else who’s always letting me come over late in the evening.
It usually starts with me making plans to go out on a date and 5 minutes later I get a call from another chick informing me she has “a position for me to fill”. This is where probability comes in. The changes of me tapping the girl I’m taking on the first date is very slim. So I end up placing my money on a sure thing.
To make a long story short a n*gga that does this, usually has other side chicks … or he’s cheap or just plain old lazy
@Eff Yo Couch: I know you were just being honest but your comment made me want to kick you in the shin. #ThatIsAll
I’ve always found the smell of new puss more alluring than fully cooked old puss.
I’m climbing mountains for that newnew…
i want to aim higher. i know that’s mean, but i’ve known a few of these. can’t get mad cause you’re not “titled” and have no standing.
coniving ninjas, stop wasting my time. i have and will move right past you.
awwwww eff, i’ve missed seeing you around these parts!!!
thanks for being honest about the relationship and date teasing. goodtaknow. good. to. know. *nodding head*
I just asked about you the day before yesterday! And here you come telling “man secrets”. LOL
Eye Opener. O.O
The honesty of the men on this site always amazes me.
Now I get it. I never appreciated how much the little head made the decisions. Wow. Thanks for the insight.
I feel like someone just shined a light on me from above. This makes soooooo much sense.
I had a #2 who would stay asking me out, and then we’d make plans, and he would then cease to exist for a month or two. After the first time of him coming back around and begging (and I mean that as close to literally as you can get) me to give him another chance, I found it was easier just to make the plans with the knowledge that he’d disappear (especially since I had lost all interest). We ended up making plans about 6-7 times. Eventually he called while I was already out with the girls and came and hung out for a few minutes. Either way, I later learned that he was literally in and out of jail and that’s why he had to keep bailing. LOL
This post is a tease.
Hope you had a great birthday. Tosh.0 is killing me right now. That picture is kinda disturbing.
Because I’m such a fickle mistress, I’ve actually done number 2 quite a few times to guys. It’s probably because I’m kinda “meh” about them in the first place and/or I was drunkenly given out my number all willy-nilly.
The latter of which I fixed by just abruptly changing numbers and changing my life around for the better. My life is changed. It’s like before my number change I was walking by the color purple and not noticing it and now that I’ve stopped getting so wasted that 60-leven ninjas had my number, I have seen the color purple…thus making God pissed no longer. World peace commences.
this comment made my head hurt. but i think i understand and i feel you.
*passes Gem some Advil*
*if Gemmie can’t take ibuprofen, gives Gem some Tylenol*
@Cheekie – man, you did a WHOLE lot. then again, who knows what drunkenly giving your number out means. could be 2 people, could be 2000.
there should be an app for that.
Yes, that’s true. But, I really did have a lot of ninjas calling me at one short time span in my life (when I first started going to clubs consistently) and it was because I was the “nice drunk.” I learned how to calm down on that quick. I still use that number to this very day because in my heart of hearts…I’m still the nice drunk. I just know how to use my weakness for evil (my benefit) now…
You don’t run into the ninjas that’ll call the number on the spot (yes, even in the club)? If so, has anyone called you out on giving them an old number. Do tell.
Actually never experienced that, which is odd because I just KNEW I would. I guess it’s because I automatically pat them on the back on some “keepintouch” sh*t, leave and put my phone in the clutch.
“It’s probably because I’m kinda “meh” about them in the first place and/or I was drunkenly given out my number all willy-nilly.”
Preach.
Touch me tease me?
Numbers 1 and 2 irritate the hell out of me. That’s why I quit all of ya’ll.
I will add to the list: the GAY TEASE. You’re the perfect man……..except you’re gay. Ugh.
I must live in tease capital of the world then.
Atlanta?
indeed.
@PJ…tthat answer could have been DC as well…
yes please add DC to that list
le sigh
Definitely the tease capital. Part of the reason I’m trying to get the hell out if it.
“I will add to the list: the GAY TEASE. You’re the perfect man…..except you’re gay. Ugh.”
The gays are just so awesome. iHeart them. Apart from the super messy ones on Twitter. They can go away.
“I will add to the list: the GAY TEASE. You’re the perfect man……..except you’re gay. Ugh.”
Oh, gawd, yes…I know this life.
“I will add to the list: the GAY TEASE. You’re the perfect man……..except you’re gay. Ugh.”
LOL!!! It is some eye candy gay men out there.
Gosh! You’re on a roll. I knew there were scientific terms for feckless guys. Keep crime fighting and saving hearts from breaking.
Oh and i’m less worried about Kanye on twitter than I am about the c
ast of Jersey Shore ringing the opening bell for the NYSE. That was truly a sign of the end.
“cast of Jersey Shore ringing the opening bell for the NYSE”
I saw that mess on the MSNBC ticker this morning…I was like WTH!!!
Random thoughts:
- Why when I saw that naughty bear I had a thought about inventing a company that will be Build-A-Bear’s direct competition called, “Strip-A-Bear”? PATENTED. Don’t even think about it. Leeches. I hear Cinemax calling for advertising…
- I love you for the Common lyric, P. Cherish this moment because I will return to hating right about…now.
- “Touch me Tease me” is easily my in my top 15 VSB tags. Thanks.
@Cheeks: I’m a supportive e-BFF so I’ll buy one of those bears but mine has to be chocolate brown. Thanks in advance! Also, my favorite tag is: “Can’t help it if I wanted to”. MJ is now singing it on repeat in my head.
General FYI: I detest teases! Say what you mean and mean what you say or I’ll be tempted to set you on fire…shout-out to Nick
I SEE YOU TOO!!!
LOL @ MsEsquire rejecting the light-skint teddy. I am dying. Dying, I say.
Ctfu @ that bear. Nawwwwty lol
#3. Fun Tease.This can be that friend of yours who is always up for going out but is then always ready to go home 5 minutes after you get to the party…And you know what? Caveat fun teases are never 100 percent on board with going out, they need convincing and always relent and pretend they did you a favor by hanging with them for the speck of time. This tease is also known as Cockblocker Extraordinare.
I have a homegirl who is #3. I’m tired of having to coerce mofo’s into getting out and enjoying life. Then when I tell her about an event I went to w/ another fun loving friend w/o her she hits me with the beatbox, then says “Why you ain’t invite me?” Negress please! I’m about to start rolling dolo. First stop, MJQ this Fri (which I told her about, and she’s trying to convince me to wait on her, Girl boo!)
And a tease I can’t stand,
#5. Mr. Cunninglinguist tease. He’s the male equivalent of a cock tease. He’ll go on and on about how his skills will have you speaking in tongues and climbing up the walls, but has never proven said skills of headmastery.
you’re not ready for me.
mmhmm, yep. *and that’s usually when I fall asleep*
MJQ is the SPA-DOT! Have fun and be warey of the gorillas that try to get-up-on-it-from-behind (we’ve discussed this before a few posts ago) they are rampant in that muthafuka.
I’m about to start rolling dolo. .
Giiirrrrlllll it’s the best! It’s a great way to meet and talk with people. And by people I mean guys.
@Yeah- I’ve actually been once before, but I only spent like 15 mins inside & had to leave before it got crackin (that’s a whole ‘nother story). I’ll make sure to watch out for the Willie B. impersonators who sneak up from behind.
@V- That’s wassup! When I mentioned the idea to some of my friends, I get the “Ohhh chile, it’s dangerous out there! Why you wanna go by yourself?” Girl boo! All it takes is using common sense and I think I’ll be just fine. Plus half of them are too insecure to go out by themselves anyway. I will roll to a movie, play, or have breakfast/lunch by myself & have a good time, I just figured going out at night is the next frontier.
co-sign #5
co-sign #5
he runs rampant throughout the ATL….
Do you know what your stuffed animals do when the lights go out?
Married tease!
The mail man who does the mail for my job is such a gentleman. He is so charming,handsome and always stops to say hello. As soon as I start to swoon I have to remember he is married. *sigh*
“Married tease….As soon as I start to swoon I have to remember he is married”
Yes! Big co-sign here. Most of the great guys that I meet are married and I have to keep reminding myself that they’re taken…
Wouldn’t a married tease be the same as In-A-Relationship tease. I kinda see em as the same thing lol
Married tease!!!! :/
soooo tru! that depresses the hell outta me…
Just dealt with this! I’m talking to a guy at the gym, nice convo, he gives me his card, then he mentions he’s there so late because his girlfriend locked him out 0_______O
@ Natsha @ VSS’@VSB
While im sure the married tease can be a pain the ass, I will have to mention one that is even worse:
The “O im actually seeing someone/I have a man” Tease
-This is the women whom a decent VSB might be interested in or possible actually had an opportunity to talk with, but after said conversation seems to be going well, and in some instances a VSB might have bought a drink or two or might have taken the young woman on a date (not me though, Im not dating right now but we can kick it) the women drops the “im actually seeing someone etc”.
VSB’s watch out for this one, shes usually the cute one seeking attention/affection, because she has an A.S.N. at home.
But hey maybe its just me…
Co-signed. I know a few of these but they’re married women.
Girrrrrrrrl.
1000% cosign
If your married wear a ring. What’s up with that?!?!?
There is an overabundance of married folks walking around w/o rings these days.
Amen to this. I went to a “singles” party… the only dude I clicked w/ immediately and talked to all night long – MARRIED. Found out at the end, my BFF comes up to me… “isn’t he great? I hope his son will have as much charisma as him!” I’m like… cool. He got a kid. I can deal. She continues: “Yup. His baby looks just like the wife though.”
*wall slide*
Good Post! All those teases need to hit the bricks. “I don’t have that kind of time” (c) Nickerz. (Thanks for the perfect phrase to leave it alone and make room for those worthy of one’s time!)
I am familiar with the male tease version of those mentioned in the post. I’d like to add Gym Tease to the list. Longing glances, stare downs, and every time you in the mirror doing curls or a shoulder press their eyes meet yours in the mirror. You feel their gaze buring the side of your face when you are working out. Enter the gym, and they peeped you wayyyyy across the room. The minute you acknowledge them in passing (a nod, a friendly “how you doin’?”) they clam up. But ignore them, they are all on you. Hawking! Gym Tease usually has a girlfriend who may come with him to the gym. He will still stare you down when his girlfriend hits a cardio machine or goes to the water fountain. Gym Tease gets no play because he is a tease, but also because he is disrespectful to his girl.
On another pleasant note, Cheekie, how was your birthday? I hope it was fabulous!
The Gym Tease (and the creepy grunting men) is why I went to an all-female gym for a while with the mama. Now I got one in my building. *fist pump* I miss swooning at muscles, tho. It’s why I crave summer because I get to see it for free outside (i.e. the joggers/runners).
And my b-day WAS in fact fabulous. It ain’t over til this weekend over, though.
@ Cheekie….two things…way off subject…HEEYYYY LEO
Hope your bday was fab. I saw the finest jogger running down Halsted and I swear I almost ran after him, unfortunately I had just got done working out and didn’t have a bit of energy left in my soul. I love SUMMERTIME CHI #nokanye
Other Teases….
1. It Doesn’t Matter Tease
Guy or girl will try to act like they can go with a flow and not have a care in the world.
Guy: So what do you want to eat?
Girl: Oh, it doesn’t matter you pick this time.
Guy: Hmmm. How about that ______ place?
Girl: *sucks teeth and rolls eyes* Why we gotta go there? You never take me where I want to go!
Guy: But, but, but you just said—-
2. Mr. Everything Tease
This is the guy who brags and claims he can do anything. He can fix anything, sing anything, drive anything, has read everything, and knows everything about nothing. He usually starts to back track on all his claims as soon as he is called to perform a task.
3. Hook Up Tease
This may be an associate who may work at a place and claim he can get you a better price. For instance, you need a new set of tires or an oil change. The Hook Up tease, who is an assistant manager at the auto place, will tell you to bring your car in and he’ll give you top notch service for a discount. Problem? Yep…you bring your car and end up paying full price. A week later, the hook up tease says, “Yo…I couldn’t hook you up cause my manager was watchin’ and we had just had a company meeting…blah…..blah…..blah.”
The “it doesn’t matter tease” can apply to friends as well. I have a gilfriend who always asks me to pick the place when we go out, but always has a problem with the place I choose. If she does decide to go, she’ll complain the whole time we are there.
Looove the “It doesn’t matter tease.” I saw this all the time when I worked at a soul food restaurant. There were a lot of first dates there, with one party whining that they’re vegan, don’t eat fried food, etc. But they agreed to go to a soul food restaurant.
Hook up teases maaaan.The worst ones are the one who bring it up that they can hook you up, then in the future you ask em on it and they start backtracking like a mutha****.
Now you don’t owe me anything but don’t say you’ll do something, then don’t do it.
You know what the “It doesn’t matter” tease reminded me of? That HORRIBLE 3-dollar bill arse song with Wyclef Jean and The Rock.
Now I want to hear Atlantic Starr. Your just like the sun..chasing all of the rain away..
I LOVE that song. I have to go and play it now.
Party Tease
This person you meet at the club or house. you talk, dance, and hang out till the place is about to close. The person has all-around good chemistry with you. Then one bathroom break later, getting drinks, as soon a your eye is off of them they are gone………..sigh*
I’ve been #3 (tre club!) Too many times. I need to stop with that.
How about the un-tease? The ones who c*ck/cunnilingustically tease, metaphorically comparing your body to foods, cars and inanimate objects, and you give them the bbm sick face? Like, just one big ol O.o “do not want!”
And co-sign on the gay tease. But how many of us chicks are just teasing ourselves?
And yes, ill be using “rofflle.” Thanks.
I know a Date Tease. Everytime he sees me it’s the same old same old. You look good, been thinking about you, we should hook up. Then…nada. After a couple of rounds of that, I was done. His application was shredded and tossed into the recycle bin…currently being used as 1 ply toilet paper by basket weaving midgets in Kandahar.
Sometimes, I am a fun tease but its not on purpose. The idea of going out sounds fun and then you get to “out” and all the dudes are boob level shorties with missing teeth and have on bedazzled faux military shirts with two cell phones and a pager clipped onto their belt with the HUGE belt buckle and a corona in one hand and ‘gnac in the other spilling and splashing on your new shoes (new shoes new shoo-oo-ooo-oooes)….and you just don’t want to anymore. Then you try to have a good time anyway by dancing in the sista gurl circle with your friends but Bushwick Bill starts grinding on you from behind smelling like stale Swisher Sweets and he ain’t even willing to buy you a drank behind that free feel he copped and you end up standing in the corner with the did-somebody-just-fart face. I wanna have fun but these lukewarm Boogerwolf looking ninjas won’t let me. It. AINT my. fault. (Silkk)
When all I wanna do is dance, I have much more fun at the ghey bars.
you REALLY need to go to different spots.
Welcome to Cleveland.
This is why I used to travel to party.
Jamaica, Caribana, Essence, Howard Homecoming (not even an Alum), Taste of Chicago.
Anything was better than what the Dog Pound has to offer. Still is. *Sigh*
@INFJgurl..
soo…will you be here this weekend? (here being Toronto)
I wish. But alas, no.
I got too much cotton to pick to sneak away from the plantation without Massa and nem noticing.
Have ALOT of fun for me!
I have been meaning to tell you I love your “Brain” avatar and this post brought me joy! I could picture everything…vividly!
Thanks. I love Brain. Pause. The Animaniacs was one of the most intelligent cartoons I’ve ever watched. I’m working on my own world domination plan so Brain suits me as an alter ego right now
I love Brain. Pause.
Uhn uh… don’t pause that. I love Brain (n.) and brain (v.)… brain (v.) is very very very goooooooood.
Taking applications. Mr. Cunninglinguist teases {(c)I’ll give it a try} need not apply.
@Yeah …So- Gurl, you a mess…..taking applications…LMAO
You ain’t neva lied.
Yeah, you get 598 cool points for the Brain avatar on the real. Nostalgic memories. And it may seem like I pulled the number of points out of thin air, but I did some serious calculations on that. Thanks and you’re welcome.
Thanks Cheekie!
Quick remedy for that un-wanted dancing. Just stop. Stand still. Turn back and give them a look.
Works EVERY TIME. They go away and you can get back to dancing just before B tells you to “pat you weave”.
Get me bodied…favorite Bey Bey song.
I’ve been a victim of the date tease with several guys. I feel like Pretty in Pink. All dressed up, only to have the guy flake out on you. And you’re right about the text messages. They ALWAYS text you. And when you try and talk with them over the phone (you have to be the one to call them), it’s like pulling teeth to get them to pay attention to you. They are either watching t.v., playing video games, on the comnputer, or talking to someone else. These guys kill your confidence.
YES!! Pretty in Pink is my movie.
EEK..based on your description…I think I might be a date tease….yeah.probably.
I’ve been guilty of being a number 3
i’ll be making that picture of the naughty bear my facebook profile picture in 5…4…3…2 ……..
Good to see ya ’round again Eff.
I never left …. I here everyday I just don’t comment. Thanks for the love
*Points fingers, cocks, aims, and shoots* BOOM!!!!!!!!!! to #4. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
oh Teddy…ur so bad!
1. Relationship tease…screw these men! They wanna get close enough to stand on the fence and make u 2nd guess ur status… bastards!
2. Date teasers…dial tone.
3. Fun tease…BEWARE! I went out w/ a friend after 30 mins; I was dancing w/ a dude. Then of course, friend #1 wanted to go… In the car I found out she was off to her boyfriends house. Dammit I had to drive her. Great! She got sum…what about ME!
4.QualityTimetease… lol…guys w/ kids?
yea right! I hope you don’t think I believe that BS…
My Turn!!!
**** 5. Internet tease…people that use friendships on FB, Myspace, Twitter, whateva as a way to play games w/ u. You think they like you… NOT!
Take a number… he/she already got 550 “friends”! :-/
This mayb my 2nd post! If so sorry…
4.QualityTimetease… lol…guys w/ kids?
That’s why I don’t date babby daddies. I’m drafting that piece up rat’ now…
Co-sign on the internet tease. From chat rooms to Black Planet to myspace to facebook to twitter, the evolution of the internet tease is no game. Chatting folks up and getting into a myriad of discussions about any and everything and then clamming up when you all meet in public is not cool.
The worst part about the Date Tease is when two of them try to get together:
Him: We should chill.
Her: Ok, call me!
*they run into each other a month later*
Her: You never called me up!
Him: It’s a two-way street hon, you got my number too!
Her: Hahaha, yeah yeah. We should do somethin sometime!
Him: Sounds good, hit me up whenever!
*rinse and repeat until the end of humanity*
“Him: It’s a two-way street hon, you got my number too!”
that line works every time like Colt 45
that line works every time like S*x Panther…
@I’ll give it a try-#5 cunnilinguist tease
Girl you done mad my eye twitch on this ish! Except it’s the ninja who claims that he will cunninlinguify me but later admits that he prefers not to (all the while pushing my head down).
I met this very nice guy and we went on date one. The convo turned sexual somehow and I let him know that if he didn’t intend on dining at the Meka Buffet (if the relationship was going there), then we should just be friends. He assured me that dining at the downtown buffet was part of his repetoire. Needless to say, two weeks later, he confessed that he didn’t engage in said behavior…all the while trying to convince me that cunninlingus was worse than fellatio for hygenic and STD purposes. WTF!?
Ugh! Now I’m too pissed to sleep!
*****DEAD****** at he didn’t intend on dining at the Meka Buffet
cunninlinguify me
@meka
requests to officially use this at some point in my life. like tomorrow when caribana festivities start.
I have unfortunately been labeled a *cocktease*/ goodgirl. I make it very clear to my significant other what my boundaries are and when they try the game and get shot down then I look like the bad guy!!! And I will admit in my younger days I would make suggestive comments to get a rise*no pun* out of guys… Now I just get told to shut up cause I’m frontin.
Ha! I got a relationship tease going on right now. You’d think dude was my man the way he acts. He even gets riled up if another dude tries to step to me. It really doesn’t bother me because I know how things are and if I need to step on, I’m ready to do so. His excuse for not going into a relationship? His ex was a blue belt in karate and she kicked his ass when they broke up. >_< Fa real? #WhereTheyDoThatAt
I also declare that all cunnilingus teases should be shot upon sight! They're like beta maxes, no one uses that ish anymore!
what is beta max?
oohh.. I’m about to date myself here..
A beta max is what came out before the VCR…
mid 70′s..
@Da Nickster
Don’t feel bad…we didn’t get a color tv until ’82 or ’83. Noone even used beta! The betas where smaller than the VHS and durt cheap. I remember back around ’86 or ’87, my neighbors wanted to bring over the Color Purple but they had a beta and we had a VCR which ran VHS.
***sidebar…my daughter asked if they had televisions when I was a kid…..ultimate pause (is it wrong to side-eye your kid)
In your daughter’s defense, she’s never lived in a world where TVs didn’t have remotes. H#ll, when I was a kid, I WAS the remote…my folks had me changing the channel when they wanted to watch another station. Some kids today would be lost if they had to turn knobs, adjust antennas, or use pliers to change channels (I had one of those TVs growing up…lol).
Technology has changed a lot since we were kids (I think we’re the same age)…
@DG…I heart you even more cuz u said pliers and tv in the same sentence. I too had to take a pair of pliers (which were never used for their real purpose,ie: opening walnuts) to turn the channel once the knob fell off.
Back in those days, we only had 4 channel…abc, cbs, nbc, & pbs. Fox didnt come around for a few years and cable soon followed suit (with 29 total channels).
I dont know if we are the same age, but I just turned 32.
Same age…I’ll be 33 in a few weeks…
I kept a pair of pliers near for my TV…every now and then, I had to watch tv from the side while holding my antenna just to get some reception…
We had a big ol’ wood paneled Magnavox with 12 channels…once we got a VCR, I think we had 30-40 channels. My folks had that TV well into my high school years, maybe even college (it was still workin, so…).
@DG..
that sounds like an August birthday!! When is yours? Mine is next week…
@Jai..
I’m at the condo.. the BANGIN house (with the pool) is next week monday.. I’d throw a birthday party in the bish if ya’ll lived down this way!!!
whatever house it is.. some peace and quiet is great!!
if i could just remember to lock the door… UGH!!
* and girl!! is car permanently had the pliers to wind down the window.. the 3 full size tires in the trunk with the gallons of water for the radiator.. thus, i felt NO WAY when i kicked out his tail lights….
*ToBe19Again
H*ll.. the tv I got NOW doesn’t have a remote!
#NostalgicHouse
and my ex had a pair of pliers to wind down the window in his car.. #LordHaveMercy..
i think we all might be in the same age bracket.. I know about Jai, but DG? your age would be?
@Nickenz (dont know why I want to play witcha name today)
*Are you still hanging at the bangin house
*the fact that he needed to do this for an extended period of time confirms his qualification to be referred to as ‘ex’
*I hope he is at least ova the age of 18…otherwise my debaucherous plans are illegal
@Nickerz, Jai, and DG
I got all of you beat. We didn’t get a color TV until ’85. We didn’t get color and remote until ’87. We didn’t get cable in Detroit until ’87. Before then folks had the HBO, IT, and ON
antennas on the roof. Beta was actually better than VHS.
(o_O) @ I’ll give it a try
damn. how old are you?? lol
24. I’ll be 25 come September (woot!) lol
I just never heard of Beta Max before, so I asked. #knowledgeispower
“what is beta max?”
Exactly.
lol @ beta max. Though I never knew anyone that actually had one (I knew some smart, intuitive folks), I refer to those all the time.
Sooo uuum it seems that I have abt 1 of each person in my life or formerly in my life. Maybe I need to reevaluate some things. *bbm question mark face*
But quick story, all the number 1′s should have their fingers cut off so that they can’t txt, bbm, call, etc u. I had this one dude who was like that. Would call me at 3am “just to hear my voice before bed”. Would skype just to see me b/c he missed me. (Different states). The whole time I’m telling him to stop b/c we’re just “having playdates” and there’s no need to game me. (Right out of college, wasn’t trying to be “committed”) and he’d say no, he really cared in addition to other boyfriend like activities. But the second I show a smidge of emotion towards him, I get hit w/ the “babe we’re just having fun” line. Sooo I ask. Why? What was the point of the mindf*ck? Clearly all I wanted to do was play and u get all emo. But when I get emo, it’s just fun. Pls eradicate the #1′s from this earth.
Ok, I’m done, P took me back for a min. Lol.
The “Don’t I Have a Body” Tease
I used to go out with this girl. She would wear the tightest dress and had the biggest a**. She would walk into the party and circle the room so that everyone could check her out. She would then walk to V.I.P and yell in my ear the whole night about how lame the dudes were because nobody tried to holla. One time a bouncer said that they’d taken bets whether or not she was wearing panties. Her dress was THAT short.
The Know-It-All Tease..
This person knows everything about everything. Will battle you til you’re distraught about the sky being red. This person is also known as the “prison philosopher.” They will spout a whole bunch of big words without fully knowing the definitions. Will also create words of their own and get upset when the person in the group that majors in English (me) checks em.. They sound like that guy in In Living Color.
“So before the white man defecates all thru the colostomy bag of society, let me partologize myself..Suppositorily speaking”
WTF?!
The Throw Your Back Out Tease..
This person talks the greatest game. They got more game than Parker Brothers. Time spent on the phone talking about who is gonna put it on who. How long they can last and how many rounds you’re in for. You get to the moment of blastoff and all you hear is “womp womp womp” (like Tom and Jerry cartoon). Of course, this is your fault. How dare YOU not rise to the occasion! YOU are the reason that he lasted 4 1/2 minutes with a spaghetti peen.
Don’t fall for it!
“that guy in In Living Color.“So before the white man defecates all thru the colostomy bag of society, let me partologize myself..Suppositorily speaking”
WTF?!”- Oswald Bates- I do believe this character is based on a version of Prof. Michael Eric Dyson, or vice-versa…*carry on
“So before the white man defecates all thru the colostomy bag of society, let me partologize myself..Suppositorily speaking”
WTF?!
lmao…that laughed just pushed me —> <—- that much closer to Friday
*edit-laugh
Mayne, the “don’t i have a body” tease runs rampant in Chicago. CHICAGO, where describing our winters as “the coldest winter evah” is like saying, “It’s a little chilly.” Understatement dinna mug. And girls STILL wear the dresses that just barely graze their cooch. I bet they get frostbite down there. For shame.
I hereby submit the Entrepreneurial Tease.
Jack of all trades, master of none, the Entrepreneurial Tease (or, ET, because I’m lazy) is always on the very precipice of witnessing one of his ventures blowing up. When not engaged in his daytime gig–usually ‘party promoter’ or ‘Hertz salesman’– the ET and “his boy” are always about to start up some not-quite-innovative endeavor: a clothing line, a women’s shoe collection, a rap studio, a dry cleaners, or some combination of these (yes; a rap studio where ladies may come and get their shoes dry cleaned).
The ET’s existence can be frustrating, because while higher education may not be for all, and while some people may find success by pursuing a vocation, trade, or independent undertaking…you can’t help but wonder how long the ET will continue to park his leased luxury vehicle at his mom’s house, where he is staying “while he gets some things in order” for his next business (misad)venture to jump off. You may also find it curious that the ET has neither a formal business plan nor necessary capital for any of his schemes. However, these minute details are not for you to understand.
After all, he is not a businessman. And he is not a business, man, either. He is just an Entrepreneurial Tease.
Translation: Fantasia’s brother Teeny
I HOLLERED! LMAO!
I will FOREVER remember Teeny as the dude who abruptly kilt a cockroach in the middle or arguing with (or about…I forget) Fantasia. That was probably in my top 56 TV moments.
love it
although all of us know an ET, i found this particularly hysterical, because i just bumped into one of my LEAST favorite ET’s on the planet, talkin about an idea he had for a black comic book. “trigga don’t you know there are 1.5 thousand black comic books out there?! please get over yourself already. this is NOT – i repeat – NOT an original idea.” my favorite part in the convo, however, was when he stopped yapping long enough to ask me what i was up to and i told him the very basics about my work and personal life, he frowned up like, “man, you gotta be more imaginitive about your life”. like he wanted me to team up with him…YIKES!!!
okay dude. good luck with ‘homie from anotha planet’!
these guys reside in the same city as “the gay tease”….Atlanta is home to the most BS!
Chile preach dat… lol
Why did this dude *deep exhale* come up to me in PUBLIX of all places talmbout “I see something special in you… I helped 12 people make over 5 million this year. I’m worth 7″… while wearing a Publix apron (womp womp)…
-_O SAY WHAT!?! Maaaannnn go that way ——->>>>>>>>
Was he a pimp? What do you see “special” in me while I’m shopping for my T. Marzetti’s?
And don’t walk around the mall alone looking like you just left work. Those “when you are ready to stop working for someone else and start making your own money” Mary Kay/AVON hustlers are quick to approach. FALL BACK. You’ve given me your speech every time I’ve been to this mall. How successful are you if you spend all of your time harassing me. Ugh!
@ Toni Childs-T. Marzetti’s- honey mustard is the ish*** and side note-multi-level-marketing cosmetics is the debil-IMO- I don’t want to offend any of those bishes with the pink cadillacs *snickering
LMAO @ Mary Kay/AVON them beeshes go hard don’t they? smh… I always feel like I’m getting punked when them mofos approach me, like Ashton is about to jump out any sekkint… Seriously homey unless your name is Mary Kay or AVON you working for somebody too booboo!
@bajanflchick
Everyone else in the honey mustard game should fall back because the T. Marzetti’s has it on lock
@Yeah…So
but somehow they don’t seeeee that!
Did people ever try to hustle you in doing pre-paid legal. I remember one chick in college would come at me really hard about trying to do that. Talking about my business is really going well. However, everybody else had a story about how much pre-paid legal sucked.
****sadly I am hear to tell you that that ish is still going on, but sorry ain’t getting me, wanna invite me to some secret squirrel BS, but they can’t tell me up-front what the meeting is about, really , then GTFOHWTDS….
“Why did this dude *deep exhale* come up to me in PUBLIX of all places talmbout “I see something special in you… I helped 12 people make over 5 million this year. I’m worth 7?… while wearing a Publix apron (womp womp)…”
^ e_O BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Fukked up teeth and all… come on son, if I got 7 milli I’mma at least AT LEAST get them thangs pressed out a lil bit. And his long as nails ugh… I kept thinking *Angela Bassett Jackson 5 voice* “Ion’t want cha, Ion’t want cha, Ion’t want cha” *shivers*
I Know him… I promise you I know him!! He works at the Publix on South Fulton Parkway?
Nah, I was way da fuk out there in Lawrenceville… not to say he wasn’t subbing for somebody tho *shrug*… LAWD HAVE MERCY if there is more than one adem running around talkin dat bull!
Yeah…So, you are killing me with all of this Publix Folk BS…seriously …ROFL
@ Toni Childs AMEN!!!
If I meet one more of these guys I might scream. I do have to admit though that I’ve met a few legit businessmen ‘in’ the A. But yeah if I never meet another rapper, producer, party promoter, business owner, general all around hustler it’d be too soon.
side note* my first official comment on the vsb page…shout outs to the whole vsb/vss fam who’s comments add the icing to champ&panama’s cakes (no pun intended)
I’ve definitely been called a relationship tease. eventho this is usually the male in society, i’ve been called the good girl/femme fatale/cocktease as well that wont give it up till he puts a ring on it. Beyonce. Yes, I’m guilty of my own share of tesing, but the one that gets under my skin is…
The Pet Name Tease. This is attractive male friend that insists on calling you “Sweetie”, “Honey”, “Babe”, “Chocolate”(in my case), or any other clever term he can think of to place ownership on you, give you butterflies, and prevent any stepping to other guys. This same attractive male friend insists on telling his lesser-known girlfriend 5 minutes later, “Oh her? She’s like a sister to me.” UGH.
Welcome n sh*t…
I’ma roll out the red carpet for you… but you gon have to roll that ish back up when you done walkin!!
“to the whole vsb/vss fam who’s comments add the icing to champ&panama’s cakes (no pun intended)”
#vsbafterdarkwhenitsactuallyinthemorning
Welcome!! *hugs*
Welcome! *offering a beverage*
Welcome **throws VSS confetti***
I agree about the pet name tease. I’ve had this in conjunction with relationship tease. That and “future talk/we” tease we’re not official but everything is we this and we that. plus you’re making all kinds of future plans like bday trips when your bday is like 6 months away and you’ve been talking a month.
Yeah buddy. I’m totally reading this with my man and coming up with other teases… Number (five)
The flirt tease: As mentioned before, first cousins with c00ktease… Not interested in you. You rarely accept this. They will use you as crash test dummy for their pending c000ktease moments with the dude they’re somewhat interested in… Or isn’t single.
Work tease: Mon-Fri 9 to 5 she is the sexiest flirt you’ve seen… At 5:02pm it’s nothing but blank stares and forms.
Drink ho-tease: 80 proof and up there’s feigned interest. Free drinks included there’s feigned interest. As drinks consumed increase, feigned interest decreases. You go home alone, $60-100 lighter.
The No-tease: Rejection is the objective of their evening. They have gotten glammed up and ready to turn as many prospects (double points for celebrities) down as possible and treat they’re escalating negativity like golf, the lower they score the better.
The sexy tease: Barks and bites and maserati advertisements. Figure it out.
The spin tease: Mad titles, no game. Executive director of custodial stewardship and distributor of essential materials need not apply.
The Co–erfield tease: When the magic of that “one shining moment” is in full effect. Said person will never look/act as good as the moment you encountered them, and you don’t figure it out until it is too late. Consolation prize: A one way ticket to the Friend Zone. The Grand Prize: the ultimate Co–erfield disappearing…trick. Gigglegiggle.
The team tease: You see them with their “folk” as they’ve chosen to highlight them and they seem HOT… Then see them alone, or with the real folk they roll with daily and it’s so cold, so cold… Suits, hats, glitter, lame, spandex and litheness are replaced with cotton, athletic shoes, general unkempt-nessed-ness… Ex-cons and baby mama’s… Good for you but keep it real.
Time to go. None of your business why.
**speaking in David Attenborough’s voice, flipping through pages of the New World’s Mammal Encyclopedia**
Ahh, Sir Panama! I see you’ve done more research.
As I’ve mentioned before, the male counterparts of creatures 1 & 2: The Relationship Tease and the The Date Tease, belong to the classification ClitKilleris Annoyoramus.
These fellows are known to talk and/or text ad infinitum about the amount of pleasurable activities that may or may not take place within an unknown time-space continuum.
Once they have a hormonal female’s attention, they quickly scurry back to their aforementioned cryonic chambers, to further muse upon new Clitkilleris tactics and read Vertigo comic book anthologies.
Nasty little buggers!!!
**walks away in a huff to have a cup of tea**
The Relationship Tease and the The Date Tease, belong to the classification ClitKilleris Annoyoramus.
LOL at the scientific names of teases. ClitKillerus…smh
Fun Tease is the worst.
Most of my friends are fun teases…they sit around and talk about doing something, but rarely do. When I get excited about an open mic night, jazz music, a party…whatever, they always need to be convinced before missing the 24hr Sports Center loop! Not 10 minutes after we get somewhere, just chilling with drinks, waiting on food, just all around enjoying life…..these mofos are ready to go home.
My boy has a girlfriend who is the worst. She is a buzzkill personified. Always in a f’n rush but doesn’t have anywhere to go or anything to do. I told him to not bring her around me anymore.
The VSB Tease- the dude that you meet out in some social situation who appears to be a real VSB (shouts out to the unicorn posse * PJ, Champster, Wu Young, CBG, MR. SoBo, DG, etc…sorry if I have left anyone off and I’m sure I have ) anywho, they appear to be witty , intelligent etc., adding insightful thoughts , and witty banter your heart gets to fluttering *you hear horns , the heavens open, then you agree to meet up with the VSB Tease in a one on one type situation, and lo & behold, it’s nothin but blank stares, one liners (that he has gotten from Kevin Hart’s Seriously Funny ) sorry boo, I have Comedy Cental too , he’s got NUTHIN, can’t even contribute to a conversation, apparently he has made a trip or two to the site & done his research for the ONE social situation , BUT one on one#FAIL
Thanks for the shout out, I think. lol Good mornin’ to ya.
CBG- you & the rest of the unicorn posse consistently make it more & more difficult, but in a good way….and good morning to you , hope you are feelin all better now that you & SFG have gotten over your ummmmmm…cold or whatever y’all are calling it these days ….:-)
LOL this is exactly why i have no desire to meet any of the VSBs in person (except the ones i already know–champ, peej, kamakula, thatdamnafrican–lol). the reality of them being #womp would change my views of them in the virtual realm forever and make VSB an uncomfortable space. id rather just not face that kind of disappointment.
Bakooooockk *immitating chicken including head bob ground scratch and wing flap*
oh, dang wu, i forget ive met you too!!!
errybody–wu is as crazy in person as he is virtually. so endearing <3 xoxox
Yes, Yes, and Yes Gemie, I too prefer my fantasies to stay as they are, uncomfortable is putting it mildly…I would have to pull a dude formerly known as Prince -or whatever he is calling his-self these days (though I do Love him) and say The internet is so done…if that unicorn posse does not exist !
so maybe that’s the real reason why we’ll never see a VSB bbq?
*throws out planning folder and critical path.
*stomps out of room and back to the kitchen.
why you change your moniker?? i was like “wtf is jump up and wave?”
LOL @ Gem.
Jump up and wave is the activity one does during the caribana parade. It is the heart of every soca/calypso song.
Ingredients:
flag/towel/rag in your hand.
lol the w stood for WHO not what.
my jamaican roomie will be with you up in toronto. have fun and BE SAFE!!!
bajanflchick wins as the best addition yet. Because it’s one of the future. The VSB Tease in general translates to the e-world in general. This tease will become a huge problem in years to come. Eff our lives. lol
Thank you Cheekie, and sadly, indeed Eff our lives..
We’re gonna start some ruckus in October.. and i’m just as loco in real life as i am on these nets!
I just need to remind you about that.. so you don’t forget a plane ticket!
Girl. YES.
Who you tellin. I look demure until I open my mouth. I don’t like the word crazy…I’m eccentric and full of flava!
@bajanflchick
I’m a unicorn!?!?
***looking around in confusion***
I thought you knew, cuz. Yeah, they throw you in the group, too.
@Wu Young -Try & Ack like you don’t know….PUHLEEZE… you not just a member, you the President…(no hair club for men).
@CBG, @bajanflchick
Ain’t nobody much even told me. *mumbling* Bullsh**a** unicorn.
***suplexing nun, whizzing on her habit***
@Bajanflchick & anyone else that cosigned
Speak for yourself.
What I deliver online is only a fraction of my true life personality.
What you read is what you get, and certainly more once you’ve met, Mr. Sobo.
You can count on that.
PJ.. I love it!!
I’ve fallen victim to #1 . *In my best Chris Rock* But the one I hate the most, THE ONE I HATE THE MOST, is NUMBA ONE!!
Picture it, The South, ’03-’04.
Guy: (After dating a few months) How about you come home with me and meet my mom, and enjoy homecoming??
Me: Sure..(Daydreaming..The trip went well. Mom loved me.)
Guy: (Month later, still hanging out) Well, can I spend Thanksgiving with you??
Me: Sure!! (Family likes him, we have a great time, etc.)
Still dating.. My Birthday, X-Mas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, His Birthday all passes and we spend time together..
April. ’04. We had a convo and it ended like this..
Guy: You’re not my girlfriend, but the closest thing to a girlfriend.
WHAAAT??
..And that Is when I had to end it.
THE END.
damn
Girl I feel you with the Relationship Tease story.
I had a relationship / Male Co*k Tease. This man courted me for 6 months – I’m talking multiple $150 dinners, took me on vacation, I met his family and friends and he met mine, he even took me to the St. Regis hotel at $450 a night, and when i tried to give him some…. he was like, “I’m not ready to be in a committed relationship and I don’t want you to feel used so I don’t think we should have chex.”
I was like, “are you kidding me”!!! There are negroes that will give their last dollar to taste my lush and you turning it down”!
Oh well, you live and you learn
“Guy: You’re not my girlfriend, but the closest thing to a girlfriend.”
LMAO. WOMP.
Yeah, end that sucka quick.
Like, how I look putting on my Facebook status, “Cheekie is in a closest thing to a relationship with Tyronium.”
“Cheekie is in a closest thing to a relationship with Tyronium.”- This has me LOL…carry on
@ Ali
I can ditto this whole story, well not really… I was told upfront the was my “non-boyfriend” (his word).
What is a non-boyfriend? I’m not sure exactly. We went on trips, meet his friends, he met some of mine, spent NYE and V-day together, etc… The “agreement was I couldn’t get a boyfriend and he wouldn’t get a girlfriend-basically we were exclusive **side eye**
1. Relationship tease
Momma i’m so sorry, i’m so obnoxious. I’ve done this at least 3 times this year.
But you know what, IT’S NOT MY FAULT. I’m not going to be in a relationship with someone who I aint chexing, seems like hustling backwards to me. Although it doesn’t help that i’m absolutely infatuated with this devout Christian woman. Many times i’ve cancelled dates, JO sessions just to kick it with her. Which leads to me being a bit of a date tease.
3. Fun tease
I hate these ninjas straight up. That’s why I keep myself in at least 3 friendship circles. Can’t have some lame naggars ruining my night.
How about the “I’ll make it up to you tease”
This is the one that played you some years ago only to run into them again on the street. Then said gentleman will go on and on about how sorry they are and can you forgive me. They will want to spend the rest of their day with you. Said person will talk about the future in terms of how they won’t do what they did and will also will become the hook up tease and offer you a deal on a flat screen. They will do all this talking and then poof, you never hear from them again. I mean whats the point of coming up to me and talking all of that. Just stay gone.
co-signing this 100 % – and in Negronia, the disappearing ninja act is also known as the Casper-tease*shouts Nickerz, or as I also call it *the fallin off the face of the earth tease* just big ole fails* absoulutely “Stay Gone”
I’m so in love with the shout outs today…
I can’t even lie..
Thanks for reading….
1st Panama I hate you for posting a pic of Teddy Ruxpin strippin I am scarred for life!!! Now on to read the article!
Can I scar you further? Picture the teddy as The Dream.
*whistles*
Rude.
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
cmon on son i just ate lunch!!!!
“Ms. I Gotta Bangin Body But Don’t Approach Me Tease”
This is the woman that goes out to the club, cabaret (Detroit thing), party, etc. and disses every man that approaches her. She is wearing tight revealing clothes and has a SUPER donk or delicious tig ol bitties. She is with her one friend that doesn’t look as good as her or by herself. Every dude that steps gets John McCain’d before they open their mouth.
“Mr. Get You in the Club Free Tease”
This is the dude that tells you to fall through and he has you at the door. You go to his spot and tell the bouncer who you are and that you know him. He comes to the door and says “my fault my dude, you all still have to pay” or never comes to the door. The next day he says “why didn’t you hit me up? I was looking for yall”.
“Bag of Chips Tease”
You are hungry and want a snack. You buy a bag of chips and open it to find air and 2 chips.
“My Girlfriend is Advertising at Her Time of the Month Tease”
This is when your girlfriend decides to walk around the house or clean the crib in boyshorts and a sports bra or spandex shorts and a baby t-shirt while she is in the red. You are trying to mind your business and keep your mind off of her and watch the 1987 Dunk Contest on ESPN Classic, play NBA 2K or Soul Caliber and she keeps walking pass you jiggling.
The Bag of Chips Tease made me laugh for a good 2 minutes!
dammit Jai…The Bag of Chips tease was funny, but that together with your avi…..I just can’t…I shan’t I won’t….
Cabaret ain’t just a Detroit thing, man. They do them all the time over in Alabama. That BYOB thing works out great. All four of those teases suck.
@ComicBookGuy
Word? I thought that was just a Detroit thing. The BYOB is that deal. You get everything you get in a club minus the expensive drinks.
We do that in Philly too, except those type of parties are usually associated with the older folk. But I will say I have had some good times at cabarets
I have a friend that’s a “promoter” and he LOVES to drop the Get You in the Club Free tease.. This guy loves to pretend like he has some pull, when we only know that even the bouncer doesn’t know who he is. How do I know?
He invited us to his wackalicious party. Me and my friend got to his club at 12:05, called him from the expressway to ask if there was gonna be an issue, he said “nah, just hit me up.” When we get there, we can’t reach him but it’s cool because he’s sitting outside on the porch STARING us in the face as the bouncer tells us “$20 each.”
Me: “He’s right there.” *points to chair less than 10 feet from me*
Deb: “Then why the hell doesn’t he get up?!” *we turn to leave*
He got us in, after arguing with the bouncer. I haven’t heard from him since. I’m thinking it’s because he was outed as a fraud with no pull whatsoever..
Ms. I Gotta Bangin Body But Don’t Approach Me Tease”
This is the woman that goes out to the club, cabaret (Detroit thing), party, etc. and disses every man that approaches her. She is wearing tight revealing clothes and has a SUPER donk or delicious tig ol bitties. She is with her one friend that doesn’t look as good as her or by herself. Every dude that steps gets John McCain’d before they open their mouth.
Maybe all the guys were just whack to her. Wouldn’t it be more of a tease to indulge someone that you have absolutely no intention of talking to or only using the guy for drinks.
@Deeds
You maybe right. IDK. I do know that I’ve seen this played out millions of times. It’s just odd that the video vixen in the club always seems to shoot down every guy.
@Humble
That Bag Of chips Tease is Real!!!
The bag of chips tease is funny. I’m sorry but I read somewhere we are our horniest during our period. I dunno if that’s true but just lay a towel down.
Usually about 3 days before in my observation. It’s your body’s way of saying “hey, this egg’s about to expire; get it fertilized quick!”
Regarding your avatar, NO!
Maybe its just me, but all lights are GREEN all the way from day 12 through the sighting of the first drop. Which is basically a solid two to two and a half weeks every month of raging hormones creating a serious affliction far worse than beer goggles….
@Cab
You don’t like Gracie? She is the Ultimate h b.i. ish in this place!! Don’t hate. You know you want this p*seeeee. (Boomerang)
@Infjgurl
I am DEAD at your post. llllmmmmfffaaaaooooo
““Bag of Chips Tease”
You are hungry and want a snack. You buy a bag of chips and open it to find air and 2 chips.”
*DIES*
This is subtitled, “Doritos”
Bag of Chips made me laugh out loud where my co-workers asked me what was so funny.
You are hungry and want a snack. You buy a bag of chips and open it to find air and 2 chips
dies.
*off to find a bag of popcorn instead.
That stripping teddy bear would have been funnier with $1s all around it
The Comic View Tease (aka Mr. or Ms. “It’s Not That Serious” or “I Was Jus Playin’”:
This is a person with whom you are most likely in some sort of relationship. Because they are passive aggressive, they choose to initiate every serious conversation about some serious issue with some ridiculous joke and when you sense the truth in their jest, no matter how you try to convince them that it’s okay to have and discuss the issue at hand openly and in a straightforward way, they can’t help but insist that they were “…jus playin’”. That is, until hours – sometimes days or weeks – later. When they quietly admit that they just had trouble saying what was on their mind.
I hate that person! I feel like nothing is really a joke…there’s always some truth behind it.
yeah…it’s such an effin’ headache when they come with the whole “oh yeah, about the other day” mumbo jumbo. it’s like, save it sucka, it wasn’t that serious then so it’s not that serious now. tell your sob story walking.
Lmbo…that’s when you give the side eye o_O
Dang, I know a dude that is all of those “tease” titles above. LOL! That’s why we don’t get along.
The relationship and the date tease are the worstest
Fun teases don’t get under my skin b/c I don’t really depend on others for my entertainment. I’m quick to leave your @ss. I’m not the friend that tries to convince you to go out. If I wanna do something, I’m going…deuces.
The Good Song Tease- You’re listening to your jam on the radio or in the club and the DJ cuts it short before the song gets to your “part”
The Info Tease- I HATE when people talmbout “we need to talk” or “I got something to tell you” ….LATER! WTF…tell me now! Enough with the theatrics!
Oooweee I hate both of those teases with a passion. I be wanting to choke a dj for turning off “my song”. Did he not see me put my hand in the air, yell “owwww that’s my soonnnggg” and get low?!?! I’m convinced some dj’s are c0ckblockers in disguise. They know I’m about to tear that dance floor up and try to stop me from getting my shine on. ROTFLMAO!
@V Renee
Pretty much! I hate when your waiting for that ONNNNEEEEE part, and he just goes to some other wack @ss song!!!!
OOHH!!!
The wackadoodle dj’s out here are GREAT for that…
How you gona play “butta love” RIGHT AFTER you was playing “poison” and you KNOW that’s my “get it” song.!!!
Don’t make no bloomin sense..
my mom is GREAT for the info tease.. She’d call early in the morning and tell me we needed to talk when she got home. I’d spend the whole day wondering what she done found out and from who.. We sit down and she’s like “do you want chicken or steak for dinner on sunday..” WTF?!?!
@Nickerz
My BFF is an info tease although we’ve had many convos about it…she insists on doing it.
OR she’ll be like “Did Mo tell you….oh never mind”
me: what?
Her; Nah its just that…I’ll let her tell you
THIS is what we go through, just for her to tell me anyway
My moms is an info tease as well. She always boosts up something she knows…talkn bout Ooh I got something really juicy to tell you…oh wait I’m not supposed to tell. Just tell me already. Or we’ll be talkin and she’ll tell me part of a story and then say I’ll tell you the rest next week. Not even later, but next week.
The Good Song Tease- You’re listening to your jam on the radio or in the club and the DJ cuts it short before the song gets to your “part”
I hate this!! Do not cut my song short while I’m breaking a sweat on the dance floor. Once, a DJ did this, and it ruined my entire night. I was so pissed by it. Partially because he was a crappy DJ already, but when he finally plays something I like, he cuts it short. smh…
@LaBakir or when they try to mix your song, but end of fcuking it all up..
*your jamming..excited your song is on
*dj starts to mix it and u can kinda, sorta, not really see where the dj is trying to go
*you stop jamming all together and listen with the screwed ‘wth are they doing to my song’ look
“The Good Song Tease- You’re listening to your jam on the radio or in the club and the DJ cuts it short before the song gets to your “part””
YES. This also happens when them mofos make them bootleg CD mixes and they don’t know how to properly make a CD. Causing one song to overlap into the next track. My sis got Trey Songz’* Gentleman’s Club from one of those stores that sell everything and the entire tracklisting is a fail. It’ll say it’s one song, when it’s really another. And some of the songs cut off when it gets to my part. I be pissed as hell.
(*somehow, putting a possesion apostrophe after ‘z’ don’t feel right)
I’m with you on the bootleg CD issue. That’s the very reason I don’t f*ck with bootleg DVD’s anymore. I still have no idea how The Blindside ends.
@LaBakir,
Both of these are sooooo on point! On the Good Song tease I hate that you hear the song and you are making your way to the dancefloor and working your way to through the crowd and the DJ switches it up! Dang it! I haven’t even gotten to the dance floor yet!
I hate when the Info Tease “forgets” what they had to tell you e_O It was sooooo important, but your can’t remember.
The Info Tease- I HATE when people talmbout “we need to talk” or “I got something to tell you” ….LATER! WTF…tell me now! Enough with the theatrics!
The dude HATES it with a passion… but I have to warn folks before I start on with my speech though? No? *looks around*
Both of these ate so true. Why with the good song tease is it always some whack a$$ dj that cuts your song (that errybody is jamming to) after the first verse but plays the all of the extended version of say….trapped ‘in’ the closet o_O!?!?!?
I’m guilty of being the info tease. I think I get it from my momma.
@LaBakir..
UGH!!!! SO TRUE!
this is becoming a worser and worser phenomenon in da clubs. Fiddy.
#5: The Sex God/Goddess Tease
Some of the others have touched on parts of these ninjas but they all get lumped together for me. You know ladies know that guy that swears on a stack of Bibles he’s got a six inch golden tongue that can bring you to your knees? The ninja that says “You gotta use three hands to handle this package, lady” and says he can go for DAYS. Then you get into the bedroom then the tongue is made of copper, the package is smaller than the post stamp and he’s down and out before the time limit for round one is up.
Men have troubles with this tease too. The ladies that tell a man of all the “other men” she’s brought down in minutes or seconds with her Hoover Mouth. Claims she’s got that golden grail between them thighs. Tells you all the freaky stuff that she’d do to you and that you can’t handle her. But you get to nitty gritty annnnnndddd…the suction on the hoover is out, the grail’s dented and brass, shoots down all kinky ideas and complains cause “you’re taking too long.”
This one SHOULD have made that list unless there is a separate article for them alone.
Dead at *rofflle*…please resuscitate.
I’m beginning to get the impression that I’m the only one in here who has no clue about what *rofflle* means or refers to.
@Caballeroso,
roffle = ROFL = rolling on the floor (usually followed by LMAO)
I heart your username and avi. Kudos
thanks SFG!
no prblm Caballeroso & NicoleN.
Good looking out Ms. Brown.
thanks i was slow with the rofflle too
What does LTR mean? I’ve seen it used on here so many times, but I have no clue what it means.
Long Term Relationship
*to the oscar myer bologna theme song*
I know a blogger who’s a fire starter
He’s Panama
Oh yeah he’s a 3 but so cecksie *pause*
It’s tangle jig P
Cuz fighting crime is what he do
Hahaha I have been wondering what the deal was. But oooooh vitamin p jackson got a plan (bear with him he does so.) What’s the deal w/ these flighty folk. Everybody tryin to leave like it’s so much better home alone w/ the t.v. some take out a couple cold ones the pron stash sleep number bed a.c. just right… Lol You can’t chill your life away people. Get out there talk to some people. My granddaddy a fellow aquarian (R.I.P.) would say a stranger is just a friend I haven’t met yet. Open yo mouth and talk to someone. *charlie murphie style* & follow through. Rinse and repeat sap sucker…
WuDaMan is the building, droppin’ knowledge as always.
Yeah I know the lesson cuz I live the lesson. Short of the sleep number bed tv and by pron stash I mean actual shrimp. Yeah I’m a schmuck sort of in a way kindof maybe. Lol
help please? i is confused again
Lol. I forgot, you’re still pretty new. What WuDaMan is trying is trying to say is that people who tease act like they can just chill their lives away a tease people, leaving those home at night drinking and watching pron. People need to put out there how they feel and talk to each other not tease people. Oh yeah, don’t be afraid to meet new people, like his grandfather said “A stranger is just a friend I haven’t met”. At least that is what I got out of it. Don’t worry. You’ll catch on.
thanks i almost had it but understanding slipped through my grasp at the last second!
Yeah NicoleN I got a wierd way of saying things. & I don’t have much of a hemispherical dominance…
More teases
“the banging @ss single wack album tease”
An artist has a hot single but when the album releases it is trash. I’m talking about you Pitch Black but there a lot more in this group.
“the chic with wide hips and thick thighs and no arse”
I’m not sure if this is a tease or trick. You see her from the front and your mouth drops but she turns around and it’s nothing but disappointment. E.g. Beyonce.
Hey! I’m sort of built like Beyonce and I think that comment is just mean. We all can’t have donks!!!…and she has an arse, not a big arse but a medium sized arse. AND your twitter pics are a tease.
@SmartFoxGirl
How are my twitter pics a tease? Beyonce does not have a medium sized @ss, she has a pancake @ss. You probably have more @ss than her.
Especially since she let Hollywood get to her and lost weight. It’s a shame because she still can’t act. Shoulda kept her jelly that ninjas weren’t ready for and whatnot. Guess she didn’t have the foundation?
She has a pancake arse? Then sista must be wearing some bootey pads. smh…that’s false advertising. Change that, I aint built like her.
that Pitch Black CD wasn’t totally wack … that song “Shake that” was my booty bar anthem for the summer of 04
@eff yo couch
Nah man, outside of “Its All Real” that CD was wack. I would still buy that CD for that one song. It is one of my all time favorites and is arguably hip-hop perfection to me.
agreed .. dope lyrics over one of Primo’s best beats … that song should be played when you look up “hip-hop” on something like wikipedia
“the chic with wide hips and thick thighs and no arse”
This is a huge tease…makes me wonder if I’m doing it. Cuz’ my thighs though…
o_O
“This is a huge tease…makes me wonder if I’m doing it. Cuz’ my thighs though…”
^Ditto, Cheeky!
@Humble_One – i’m guessing htat the only song you liked on that Pitch BLack album was “itz all real” which was the SOLE dope joint. i bought it off the strength of that one song too.
Sigh guess Im a tease. Hey we cant all have big booties!!!
I do squats but alas still no onion
Running builds gluts. Observe the women who run track.
i hate running i’ll rest on the fact that i got D’s and thighs oh yeah and edjumacation
D’s are nice; I like D’s. Oh, smarts are cool too.
I’ll admit, I’m somewhat of a c*cktease…except half the time I’m not really teasing. I did get the nickname CT or DT back in the day. I’m just honest! If I’m close to you, (or if you’re a vsb/vss), I will always tell you what’s on my mind and 90% of the time won’t back it up…unless it’s on CBG. Oops! There I go again. Hey, freedom of speech. I’m nice though. I promise you I’m the craziest nice
nastynormal person you will ever meet. I told ya’ll my guy friend won’t even let me hug him anymore.Let’s see. I think Panama is a tease with the VSB barbeque. Even though I’m scared to meet half of ya’ll in real life. I invision all of the VSB’s to be strapping mandingos with big shoulder muscles and that cut in the hips and you all show up with no shirts and small loin cloths carrying heavy rocks and sweating…and I can see the tip peeking out of the cloth….and…huh? If I go to this bbq and see you are all swamp donkies…I’m going to be sad.
You are too funny. I hope you are feeling better, too., I had to take NyQuil again last night so I am still kinda hungover a little. It’s been raining over here all week so I am trying not to get sick. Oh yeah, I am going to have to weld that goodies trunk of yours shut so you won’t get any ideas with those beads. Not only are you pretty but you probably have this aura about you that probably pulls men in like a bug zapper, only to get zapped with no nookie.
Boy you can’t even open my trunk with the combo code, finger print and eye scan needed. I aint pretty, who you trying to seduce? I look like Grace Jones and fierce…don’t hate. Do you want this p*sseee. (boomerang) I am a man eater and will make you, Sobo and DG my horses. Who wants to play?
I’m just now starting to feel better but I’m hoarse though. Don’t worry, it’s sexy. I keep finding reasons to talk so I can hear my hoarse voice…and I got a killer cough. Hope you feel better pookie pooh.
On the Grace Jones thing: I don’t believe you. You need more people.
I don’t want to open your trunk. I want to weld it shut so you don’t get any crazy ideas when you get loopy from cold medicine. Does your hoarseness make you sound like Eartha Kitt or something?
Oh you better not EVER fall asleep around me…I don’t know what I sound like but it’s scruffy. lol
Girl, please. I got an engineering degree. I laugh at sleep on a regular basis.
Note to self: If ever in the presence of SFG and offered a drink, use portable chemical testing kit. Just to be safe.
Me too!..well laughing at sleep that is. I don’t go to bed until 1230-1am and I wake up at 630am. I’m an animal I tell ya! We’re like soulmates. You don’t need the kit. I’ll just watch you sleep
psychoGrace Jones style.LMAO. I am so done with you. You are hilarious. Psycho style is actually a bit more comforting than Grace Jones style.
I’m sorry I’m over here laughing. Can’t you just picture me sitting on my trunk at the edge of the bed watching you fall asleep? Lmao. I’d feed you til you were full and get you nice and drunk. You’d be comatose. That’s the only time men truly relax anyway. Then you’d wake up hurting and sore. lol I need to stop messin with you before you think I really am crazy.
O.O
You aren’t crazy. You just know what you want and apparently you are a freak. Trying to give a brother the itis and then take advantage of him. That’s terrible. Waking up hurting and sore sounds exciting, but I’d kinda like being awake. Just stay away from the chute. That’s kinda sacred.
@SmartFoxGirl
I’m am temporarily disowning you at this —–>”swamp donkies”
I MUST intergrate that word in my daily vocabulary
LMAO!!!!
I stole that from someone on here. Can’t remember. lmao
My sentiments exactly….swamp donkies? LoLoLoL.
I’m excited to meet some of the infamous VSB’s & VSS’s (if there ever is an BBQ). Especially the out-spoken ones (lurkers will be embraced too).
***sidenote–Let it be known not to eat the Ruffie Fried Chicken that I bring. It is only for DG so that I can take advantage of him in the porta potties!
@Jai
Best believe my greedy @ss is taking a wing…sorry DG,lol
Help yourself, girl…help yourself…
All I wanna know is, who made the potato salad?
Just don’t drink my rum punch…it’s special for CBG. I’ll bring Sky juice for the rest of ya’ll.
@SmartFoxGirl
“If I go to this bbq and see you are all swamp donkies…I’m going to be sad.”
I’ll tell you right now I’m half swampdonkey half
Alf and proud of it.
I’ll tell you right now I’m half swampdonkey half
Alf and proud of it
you need more people
BS! I know you’re sexy. You probably look like Amistad.
“Give us free.” LMAO!
Sorry, it must be said after any mention of Amistad (Cinque).
LMBO!!!!!
@Humble. So you’re mixed? You know black folks LOVE black folks that are mixed
I’ve got indian blood in me. No, really, I do!
What does indian blood look like? Aint it red like reggin(read it backwards) blood? (c)Frog Princess
Naw, it’s more of a hybrid between ruby and cardinal with a splish-splash of candy apple.
Oooh we sweet. Is that red dot or feather indian? *snicker* I’m red dot and jerk chicken combo.
I imagine all the VSBs to look like Jai’s current avatar. (I love how this comment will live on and folks who read it late will see a different avatar every time) lmao
The Break-up Tease
A few months ago i broke Playa Rule #2478 – Never leave your cell phone unattended. Any way the whole day went by and she had my cell phone. When I finally got to her house, she answered the door wearing some sexy outfit and smelling like she just stepped out of bed bath and body works. She was very casual acting as if everything was normal for about 30 minutes until she dropped the bomb on me. “So you know I went through your phone right?”
I swore up and down that I was going to GTD (get the draws) that night. F-ing tease!
Oh Sh!te! Turrible turrible what she did to you. smhh
@eff – That’s what you get. Neva, I mean neva leave your phone with us. Me ex boyfriend got drunk and passed out at my house with his cell phone accessible. I went through it and what I read almost drove me to drink.
I got so mad that I sent text messages to every girl he was sextexting with. The message went like this:
“Hi this is _____. I hate to notify you in this fashion but I got tested for Herpes last week and the results are positive. I think you should go get tested also”.
I’m going to hell for this
Yeah, you are def going to hell…
but LMFAO!!!!!
So do you really got the herp? Turrible turrible what he was doing to you. You don’t deserve that. & why was he super drunk and you wasn’t high too. I’d share my drank w/chu boo.
@ Wu. Naw man – I don’t have the Herp – and I got papers to prove it
He was drinking at a house party and I was his designated driver since I don’t drink that much.
Why do I feel the need to explain all of this to you WU? I’m getting nice in my old age
I’m going to hell for this
I think you may get your own private lil’ cul-de-sac down there for this…lol
Too smooth. You get top honors for this one lololololol!
Wow! You are not to be F*CKED wit’!!
@Caballrso – I’m really not. I’m a scorpio and we can be vindictive. However, I always go to church afterwards and let the blood of Jesus wash over my sins
No really
How about the BIG D**K Tease.
– He wears a size 15 shoe
– Has Big Hands
– Walks with an extra confident swagger
– Kisses you passionately
– Let’s a Trojan Magnum fall out his wallet while paying for dinner
– AND HE’S AN OMEGA
So you date him for awhile and on the 91st day (yeah I said it) yall rolling on the bed, you’re horny as hell and you reach down, slide your hands in the frontal slit of his Calvin Klein draws and ……… womp, womp, womp – your hands envelopes his schlong like a number 2 pencil. Ugh – I hate when that happens
lol @ He’s an Omega
LMAO!!!!!
trust, the ‘touch, grab, pull, grind, rub, gyrate’ test has to be done before you even go ‘there’. You can always stop if you not ready but things like this are important know
…and knowing is half the battle
G.I. Joe
I’m gonna have to quit you for “and he’s an omega”
@ Cheekie – I luv the Bruhs (please don’t judge me)
I know an Omega that is hung like a hamster
no bueno
“– AND HE’S AN OMEGA”
*this Delta just fell out laughing*
as did this delta!!! *laid out beside soror*
Hey, Soror! *still laughing* The Bruhs ain’t gone appreciate frat not reppin’! But I guess everybody can’t be slangin’ and swangin’.
DEAD @ slangin and swangin
*pours out a lil likka for the “half steppin” bruhs* tragic
As a Bruh, I would say something on dog’s behalf….but Man Law just won’t let me comment on another man’s wang…I can’t…I just can’t.
*Ya’ll wrong for laughin, sorors.
@Frog Princess
on the 91st day (yeah I said it)
LMAOOOO. The award for best use of previous days post goes to you! Yell Queensbridge.
Thank you, thank you … I first want to thank God – for giving me a nice hip to waist ratio, next I would like to thank my mom for long hair and giving me and education and religious upbringing. And then finally I want to thank my VSB family for teaching me the game. (applause……Raising award and exiting stage left.)
One word for that…tragic. So small, so sorry, so sad.
In my experience if he is indeed packing, HE lets that be known, EARLY chile, in ways subtle and not so subtle, mofos like to leave that on your mind so its never a guessing game unless, *makes scrawny peen gesture* LOL
First-time poster… just wanted to say relationship teases are the WORST & this is one of the best posts in awhile
The I look like I work out but I am actually rocking the Body Majic tease
the devil is a liar*
ROFLMAO at your Avatar and your post (ha, ha, ha…….)
@TFP…he TRYNA look sexy
him and his barber are about as epic examples of failures as the ghey azz ‘shake weight’ commercials
@Humble—Under Armour (the body majic for men) does wonders for some…it diesels you out..regardless of whether you’re frail or jiggly.
@Jai
That reminds me of when my told me and my boy about her hooking up with a dude she thought was diesel. He took his shirt off and she said it was pudge city.
That reminds me of when my told me and my boy about her hooking up with a dude she thought was diesel. He took his shirt off and she said it was pudge city.
@Humble,
I was a victim of this. It was this dude in one of my Lit classes who used to wear these fitted sweaters *dontjudgeme* and me and my friend used to speculate on what was going on underneath cause he looked diesel. Fast forward to Spring semester and we see him hooping on the court shirtless. Not only was he pudgy, but had nappy peas on his chest. #womp
Not only was he pudgy, but had nappy peas on his chest. #womp…y’all are killing me today seriously…..
#s 1, 2, & 4….ugh. Been there, dealt with that.
#1…I understand the benefits. But what’s up with #s 2 & 4??? Why do dudes bother teasing when there isn’t much in it for them?
Please advise…
Hella late (wow I love Cali) but I’m commenting.
1. Relationship tease- All women have experienced this at some time or another. The key is to know what you really want if you’re cool with no commitment bc this is your weekday guy and you’ve got a weekend guy or he’s a fun guy you like to chill with or you’re just trying to get some free food, you’re good. However, if you’re falling for him and would trip if you saw him out with another chick you need to walk away.
2. Date tease- I’ve had this happen a couple if times and really don’t get it. Once there was even a date scheduled that was canceled and never rescheduled. After maybe the third back and forth I gave up and figured “he’s just not that into me” **kanye shrug** then he started tripping when he saw mr with someone else. MEN…sigh
3.fun tease- I have some female friends like this, but my sis is the worst. Even at family functions we take separate cars (we live <3 miles apart). She always ready to go after 30mins and she NEVER drives, she just annoys you to the point you can't have any fun and might as well take her home. I finally learned it was my fault for making her go out.
Oh, I meant to add I don’t get #4 so I’m off to the comments for some clarity.
The Research Tease
You’re collecting data for weeks and everything seems to be going well. You analyze it and it looks even better. You get props form your advisor & you start feelin yourself *woop woop*. Come to find out that one of your parameters was off or the analysis was missing something that ends up making your data useless. >_<
The Text/BBM Tease
Someone hits you up over text or BBM with a "how's it going?" or something similar. Then after you respond to their question, following normal social etiquette, you ask them how they're doing. No response. Days go by. Seasons change.
YES! YES!
The research tease is the worst!!! Analyze the data only to have a p value of 0.058… *SMHDH*
After further manipulations and teasing out poor monkey behavior, the p value changes to 0.055.
ahhhh the research tease sucks in grad school till u get in the real world and realize u can mess with the numbers so they say anything u like as long as u leave such a muddy path that no one can check behind you.
**evil laugh**
@ Ivy St. & @ TDA….get a room!
im assuming you know all about the text/bbm tease. you are ALWAYS on that damn phone of yours *smh*
p.s. the research tease and i have never met. my data looks bad from the jump *ultimate sad face*
p.s. the research tease and i have never met. my data looks bad from the jump *ultimate sad face*
\____/ dead lol
My name is Aif Wondra. And I have been date-teased. This dude KILLEd me, yo. We had instant chemistry, awesome conversation, all systems were go. I met him almost a yr ago, we haven’t gone out YET. I finally had to cancel his ass like Nino, because this whole cylce of months going by, then him hitting me up talking about he is thinking of me, and wishing we could spend time, only for him to vanish yet again was for the birds.
Maybe it was Karma, because while I am not a date-tease, I sho nuff am a tease*. And you can interpret that…any…way…you’d…like.
*I mean, not that you won’t ever get past the being teased stage, but it may take you a while. My bad.
girrrrrl you aint said nothin but a word. there is one guy i see EVERY time i go out to this club (the one we took you too). and every time i see him he says “oh my gosh you are so beautiful. and so cool. we need to hang out, im really feelin you” (-_O) this has been going on a year!!! are you really feelin me?? sorry sir, you need more ppl.
What about the Cook Tease.
Man: “Shawty what you doing”?
Woman: “Oh, I’m just whippin up a little sumthin, sumthin in the kitchen (pots bangin in the background)
Man: “What are you cookin”?
Woman: “Oh, just a rack of lamb, marinated in an orange, mustard, rosemary sauce garnished with mongolian turnips and 12-cheese macaroni and cheese with a 7-pepper bacon biscuit.
Man: “Dam girl! You over their cookin your as* off”!!! Im bust tonight but can I come over this weekend and have dinner with you?” I’ll bring the vino”.
Woman: Sure
Weekend comes..
Man: It sure smells good in here, what’s for dinner?”
Woman: “Spaghetti”
LMFAO (he lucky he even gets that)
*franks & beans
lmfao @ spaghetti. With Ragu and sh*t.
This killed me dead. bwahahahahahahaha. Men can be so oblivious sometimes. Or how about they said they were coming, you cooked all this food, and they don’t show up.
Next time you get cereal and milk.
@SFG – Girl that Florida sun has really tanned you
This reggin (read it backwards) did that to me once. Cruel, just cruel.
or cereal and water.
Syrup sammich and suga water…….I kid, I kid!
bully beef and rice!!!
you can’t forget about the masochistic tease
this is the person (and by “person” i mean “woman”) who allows themselves to fall for someone, despite the fact that his relationship status, homosexuality, distance from her, years left in prison, or the fact that he died 18 months ago basically ensures that they’ll never, ever, ever be together.
Champ is STOOPID. OMG, you need to stop…
“or the fact that he died 18 months ago basically ensures that they’ll never, ever, ever be together.”
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! dead!
Co – sign.
Or the: I’m Going to Leave My Wife Tease.
He spends countless, dates and phone conversations complaining to you about how his wife don’t cook, clean, fu*k and he’s sick of her and is leaving her when Lil Johnny and Lil Jasmin start kindergarten, graduate from high school, finish college… well after 2/5/10 years of being his side-piece, he’s still with his wife and you’re beyond your reproductive years, reputation sucks, self-esteem is non-existant and the church ladies have stopped talking to you.
Ladies – close your legs to married me! #nene
DEAD @ The Champ for this “or the fact that he died 18 months ago basically ensures that they’ll never, ever, ever be together”.
“the fact that he died 18 months ago basically ensures that they’ll never, ever, ever be together”
@Champ
please call my time of death at 2:08PM EST.
great post.
RELATIONSHIP TEASE!
As an addendum to the relationship tease description: even though the guy who is like “nah, let’s just keep this simple and carefree” is a Bad Person, the guy that says “i want to be someone you could fall in love with” discussing long-term plans and stuff but NEVER makes a move toward a title—HE IS THE WORST-WORSTEST. Why would you say that to a woman? And before anyone answers “so he can get it in”….for my situation specifically, he knew that wasn’t happening any time soon (though I’m sure he held out a mustard seed of hope). But for a lot of dudes to say that kind of stuff is like emotional kryptonite for a woman!!! We want to beliiiieeeeve!! lol
The Takeout/Fast food tease:
You’ve been feenin for your item of choice (i.e., two piece, double whopper, etc.) all day…mouth all waterin’, stomach grumblin. So you go to your spot, hit the drive-thru to get your food, pay for it, get HALFWAY back to work (cuz you’re in a rush) and realize that your fries are stale/cold, your drink got more ice than beverage, and they gave you a McRib sandwich instead of a Fish Filet (and you don’t even eat pork). Ultimate FAIL…
I know ya’ll can relate…
@DG
I got one better than that. “the anticipated meal tease”. You have a steak, a plate from a BBQ, dinner, etc. You are at work or sway from home thinking about tearing into your food. You get home and some one ate your food.
“You get home and some one ate your food.”
^This has happened to me and salty ain’t the word. Especially if you had a thuggish ruggish day and dem’ dere’ leftovers was the silver lining on your cloudy day. One is especially salty if the selfish rat bastid ate their leftovers AND yours!
“You get home and some one ate your food.”
^This has happened to me a few times and salty ain’t the word! This is especially true if you had a thuggish ruggish day and your leftovers were your silver lining on a cloudy day. One is especially salty if the greedy rat bastid ate their leftovers AND yours!
“You get home and some one ate your food.”
“i’m very special when it comes to food.. to this day…”
@Humble_One & Nickerz, I identify with both of you. It always seems to happen when that food was the silver lining on an otherwise sh!tty day too! Salty ain’t the word!
This happened to me just last week…
I was halfway through the burger before i was like “d*mn, i ordered chicken.. EFF!!”
@Humble
my brother is GOOD for this!! aside from the fact that he keeps snacks in his room.. almost every time i’ve been screaming in my house is because my brother ate (or drank) something that was mine..
“WHO THE EFF TOOK MY CHICKEN!!!”
i’m very special when it comes to food.. to this day…
and the fries are burnt with a mega heaping of salt like it was at the bottom of that tin thing. They’re almost inedible. That’s why I don’t do crackfood anymore.
@DG
or the you feening for an item of choice…lets say….. a Mocha Frappe from McDonalds and you wait in that long azz line (looking at the pics of said Frappe glistening above the cashiers head) and when you get to the register they tell you they are all out or the machine is broke….
*bastards
Also, “Date Tease” can also be called The Raincheck Tease b/c he knows good and damn well he ain’t never going to cash it.
YOU AIN’T GOT TO LIE, CRAIG, YOU AIN’T GOT TO LIE!
LMAO @ calling Craig out.
*extra bonus points if you post to FB and tag him in it. hahahahaha!
The Commercial Tease:
How come Taco Bell’s tortada (wtf does this mean) look all thick and ish (let your imagination go wild with that one) on the commercial but when I got one during a late night post-drunk run, that mofo was flatter than a 2520 chick with a muffin top wearing low rise jeans? I took the order back like, “Um…I didn’t order a quesadilla.” Taco Bell Lady like, “Oh that’s the tortada” I probably looked back and forth between the picture on the menu and what was in my hand like 7 times. Bishes lucky I was drunk-hungry. In fact, it STILL sucked. If something sucks when you drunk, then it sucks Kat Stacks level. On. the. real.
LOL! This made me choke on my tea. Commercials do it to me every time! Dominoes Pizza got me one time. I ordered the pizza right after the commercial cam eon. When it go to my doorstep, it didn’t look much like the one I’d just seen on the commercial.
Like the Subway turkey/bacon/avocado sandwich. I had to pay 60 cents extra for the girl to make it look like the picture. smh
LMAOOOOOOOOO!!!! (all the way OFF!) @ you lookin back and forth between the tortada and the one on the menu…!!!!
it played out like a sitcom in my head…
The Atlantic City Tease
Im sure this takes place in other parts of the country, but I’ve only experienced this in AC.
Boy meets Girl
Boy and Girl have nice conversation
Boys thinks there’s chemistry between the 2
After a few hours and a few drinks
Boys ask Girl to come back to his hotel room
Girl tells Boy that will cost him $200
LORD HAVE MERCY, GOD!!!!!
and for the yahdies..
“LOX hav-es MERCY!!
@eff yo couch
I believe you’ve been “chopped and screwed”
Yeah I swear I read eff you couch’s comment in autotune.
hey peeps.. the girl formally known as keisha brown is mentally in palance mode for the next 4 days.
just wanted to say i approve this post in its entirety. i laugh because it’s true.
thank you one and all.
I am really mad at you for straight changing your name and everything for Caribana. Then again, I would, too. Have a blast, girl. Wish I was there.
Yeah, I’m so envy green right now.
Have fun, girl!!!
Have fun KB! Wish I was there…pics please!
Im jelly I palanced in DC playing mud mas but I miss Caribana the parties are so much fun!!!
@CBG, Cheekie & SFG:
My bday is on Tuesday! (I mean really.. a Tuesday?? da hell am i supposed to do on a Tuesday?!?!). Anywho.. this is the official bday weekend (I’m trying to steal some of Cheekie’s bday shine..lol). And Monday is a holiday.
I’ll send some pics via le twitter
*cough cough.. CBG..get on it..cough..cough.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
woop woop!
If you’re reading this, then you ae now a victim of the “response tease”.
*DEAD* ____________________
I hatechu a lot.
A tease can be good and stimulating, if you actually know you are gonna get some, so the ANTICIPATION is delightful, the build up, but if you aren’t gonna get any ever, phcuk a tease!
like Window shopping, esp for a fiend like myself LOL, that sh*t makes me angry, for real its a blower LLS.
If I cannot purchase, I don’t tease myself in that manner, by going with other folks etc I just can’t do it.
Hilarious thread! I was wrapped up w/ a Relationship Tease for quite a while, glad I finally came to my senses on that one.
“cunnilinguify” – I must use this!!
“spaghetti peen” – LMFAO!!!
the Hookup Tease – so true!
& the gym tease, I’m half watching a few right now – lolol
Relationship Tease
“keeps a woman around and treats her like a girlfriend but refuses to be locked down into a title…”
I was with a relationship tease for 3 years….
Now he’s my husband (I WIN!) ha ha ha ha
Late Entry – The “I got the bomb p*$$y” tease
You know:
Whenever the conversation gets ‘warm’ she’s the bragadocious type that feels the need to let you know how bomb her ‘stuff’ is, how you wouldn’t be able to handle it, how she’ll have you launching your rocket prematurely, etc, etc.
Finally, after weeks of dirty talk and anticipation, you get down to business, only to find out that her love pocket is more loose than pocket change.
Your sliding around flailingly like a lost blindman in the middle of an ice skating rink trying desperately to feel for a wall of some sort.
Meanwhile, her ‘stuff’ is letting off so many queefs, you thought the instrumental of ‘Freak’ was playing in the background. Almost every stroke is accompanied by a putty poot. No Tweety Bird.
If that aint the biggest hoodwink and bamboozlement known to man, I dont know what is.
*Disclaimer: Any similarity between this example any real VSS is merely coincidence and not intentional.
Ni@@a, you are a fool. LMAO.
In the words of Jamie Foxx: “That’s air. You went too far up in there. That’s air.”
Thats a bama ass brawd for one,
for two “the proof is the pudding, so Hush” Diamond D
that was SEVERAL shades of RIDICULOUS!!!!!!
“love pocket.. queefs…instrumental.. putty poot!!”
Most hilarious comment all day..
her love pocket is more loose than pocket change
HAAA!!! This sounds like an example of Canyon c00ch (ref. Caballeroso)….
Now that’s just nasty
@ “Your sliding around flailingly like a lost blindman in the middle of an ice skating rink trying desperately to feel for a wall of some sort.”
I died
OMG Sobo that is ridiculous!!! I’m dyin laughing. And ya’ll love Roxy Reynolds huh? I bet that’s loosey goosey.
Mr. So Bo
I can’t take, I can’t take it!!!!! I’m laughing so hard a little drop of pee fell in my panites awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww lauuuuuddd
@Mr SoBo…I rarely log on after I leave da office, but I logged in just to tell you that I heart you so much for this comment and the disclaimer!
@SoBo
dead and gone. TI feat JT.
*does the waynes world “we’re not worthy”
You hit the nail on the head with #2! I can’t stand the date tease!! You’re wasting my time and text messages (if you’re not IN on Verizon) suggestung we hang out and then not follow through. If you really don’t want to go out on a date, don’t suggest it. It’s that simple. And if someone really wants to take you out, the entire exchange should definitely NOT take place via text message. Technology has made people lazy. It’s still nice to pick up the phone and make a phone call every once in awhile
Afterr crushing HARD on VSB the first 2 weeks of discovering it? It’s official: I’m calling the whole thing off. I stepped away a few secs ago and unbookmarked ya after a mini-string of whackness (so much so, I didn’t read the comments, which often make me LOL).
So, I peek back in today and am furious all ovah AGAIN. For me? The past two posts have been about ONE thing: men who love puzzay deciding that the only problem with it is that women have ALL of it. That we decide to GIVE it up when and how WE choose to? That’s called OWNERSHIP, you effers! Just because you want my car, shoes, cornbread, floss, credit card, jet ski, yadda-effin’-yadda doesn’t mean ISH. Just because I may or may not choose to give you a piece, a loan, or turn over any of the above items to you or anyone on ANY or NO terms is too effin’ bad for you. You don’t HAVE to like my/our rules or lack thereof; you don’t HAVE to agree with how we store or dispense it. You don’t HAVE to agree with my standards or lack thereof. Don’t judge me for what I do with MINES. Thomas Jefferson.
Lean close to your Droid, iPad, hand held (no, the OTHER one) and read the following words carefully: IT’S.OURS. EFF.YOU…or not.
P.S.: You bishes really ARE two sides of the same coin.
(
P.P.S.: An especially vile EFF YOU after Black men threw Sherrod under the bus, backed it up, rolled it over her again, dumped the nasty recyclables on her head, talked bad about her to Miss Anne and Mr. Whitefolks, spat on her rep, and shat on her professionalism.
P.P.P.S.: Ya’ll gonna REALLY talk about cockteases???! SERIOUSLY? For REAL?
PMS sucks, don’t it?
“Mr” SoBo? Grown folks are talking.
@Lever – hmmm…no. but thanks for playing.
Correction: Grown folks WERE talking.
That was, before you decided to interject your ranting…and a condescending one at that.
Your passionate spiel was more poison dart coated in a lethal combination of estrogen & emotion than it was a sensible attempt at open dialoge. Even an ‘effer’ like me can see that.
However, you are completely free to express yourself anyway you see fit. Much like your puzzay, you are entitled to OWN your rant as well, no? Rant on Lever. Rant on.
Hmm. How do I phrase this eloquently, pithily, considerately?
Yo momma.
)
Awee. Isn’t that cute.
Don’t worry Lever. One day you’ll be able to have big people conversation like the rest of us. Maybe even eat with a knife and fork too instead of drinking out of the bowl underneath the kitchen table.
@SoBo…rat-tat-tat-tat!! (machine gun going off). those weren’t just shots fired…
Dead @ Bajan’s KERPOW.
If I wasnt afraid of Nickerz and her FLOTUS (aka Michelle Obama) arms…
******JUST HAD TO HOLLA @keisha brown on da new new avi & say mi love love love it****** get yo flag & wave gyal….caribana next year****mi dere, no joke* and mi feel ya too bad on di wholada FLOTUS ting too
LATAH!
@bajan: i expect to see you AND many more vsb peeps in my city next July 29-31, 2011. i’ll even host an actual vsb bbq on the island.
sorry I didn’t get back here sooner*****brraaaaaaap braaaaapppp, shots fired**Unicorn Posse in di place……KERPOW…..as you were, Mr. SoBo, *adding to additional lost of qualities that make you a certified member of the VSB unicorn posse #thatisall!
Sobo you are a damn fool and got me laughing my @ss off over here. You are def a unicorn. I think you should wife up Nickerz and come to her october thing so her and SmartFoxGirl can meet you.
Btw…Smart Fox Girl is wise and smells good. You should listen to her always. She is the ruler of all vsb land. That is all. Good night.
So…. if these teases are the story of my life, does that mean I need to start over?!? :/