I’m not sure if you know this or not, but we here at VSB.com are here to help – like Jesse and Al, except way more focused and with better hair. Oh yeah, and minus the whole making a mockery of Blackness since 1968 thing.
With that in mind, I know a lot of women who’ve gone through painstaking processes just trying to figure out if a man was interested in them. In fact, let’s take it a step further…I often get asked by my goodbreasted companions about what they should do when they’re in those initial stages of mental bliss. You know, the stage after you meet but before you play put the lime in the coconut and twist it all around.
So today, I’m going to provide a little 5 step manual for what you womenses should do in the mean time between time while you’re flipping the fuck out waiting for us to show you that we actually do like you. Mind you, I’m aware that men play mental gymnastics as well. But so do squirrels. And that has nothing to do with the price of condoms in Amsterdam. Today’s it all about helping the ladies out.
And with that said:
VERY SMART BROTHAS PRESENTS: 5 THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHILE WAITING FOR HIM TO SHOW AND PROVE
1. Calm the f*ck down. You solve nothing by going apesh*t and overanalyzing every single email and/or text he sends you. And trust me, all men know that b*tches love the smiley face. It’s why Forrest Gump created them.
2. Don’t call him all the time. For one, he won’t answer. For B, you’re putting all of yours cards on the table by letting him know how pressed you are. The same way that we like to imagine what’s in your jeans is the same way we like to think about the chick we just met who might be the 3rd to last chick we ever see naked. The only thing that should be open 24/7 is 7-Eleven.
3. So…get a little ghost on occasion. Don’t be so available. Make the dude feel like he’s working for something. You best believe that if my job one day decided that I would just be working for the love and no paycheck, I’d be dipping THE f*ck out. Mind you, you should be in relationships for the love but that wouldn’t make my analogy work so f*ck it.
On a side note, though I don’t think anything is wrong with having some good ole fashion lovin’ while you’re trying to figure out where you stand, if you give up the goods early and often and he never calls you again, consider yourself lucky. He was just going to break up with you later anyway for a chick who held out.
4. Don’t accidentally be where you know he’s going to be. Just because he tells you where he’s going doesn’t mean he wants you to show up there. In fact, unless he says, “You should come here…” keep your happy ass 100 feet away at all times unless your presence is specifically requested. I knew a chick who somehow liked to pop up where I was going to be. I almost shot her once on accident though. She popped up at my home and was hanging outside my window just in case I wanted to see her. By the way, I lived on the 22nd floor.
By the way, I’m lying.
5. Perhaps you should continue dating. Just because you two met and hit it off doesn’t mean that he’s ready to bet the farm on you. In fact, most of us don’t even have a farm to bet so why in Sam Hill would we be ready to close up shop when we don’t even own one? Think about that. It’s deep. Don’t get so caught up in that one dude that you forget that YOU’RE NOT DATING.
Also…check out the price of tea in China.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST
HAHA. Love that scene from The Boondocks. Unfortunately, it’s true. I love smiley faces in e-mails and text messages, and I literally will be like, “oh look! he did the winking smiley this time!”
Ur hilarious, bro. Just hilarious.
I’m guilty of that too. I love the smiley faces…
whats the big deal about the smiley face?
I don’t know what it is about the “smiley” I mean they take less effort than an actual msg…but they still make me smile…**shrugging**I feel silly for it now though, thanks, D
Haha me too! But I still like them, they’re cute. Like, oh he took three key strokes to express an emotion to me LOL.
@Deviant. There is not big deal about he smiley faces I use them all the damn time just for fun. It’s almost most feminine when a guy uses them unless he is being freaky. Js (just saying)
R u really trying to tell me that you’ve never gotten the warm and fuzzies when receiving a smiley from a guy? Man, who are you texting…lol.
@Teacia. NEVER!
Lol…so sad.
i use them sometimes!! not as often as the exclamation points, but i use the smileys every now and then!! its usually the winking one when asking am i going to get some that night or in the near future or the one with the tongue hanging out for…well, use your imagination!!
great list for us gals…….I think guys are still hunters and enjoy the chase; when the prey runs fast, he runs faster after it.
True, but dont run yourself out the race either, turn around and try to figure where I went. I just pull of the road for a nap.
“True, but dont run yourself out the race either, turn around and try to figure where I went. I just pull of the road for a nap.”
its a fine line. a fine-ass f*cking line
That fine line is what confuses the ladies.
- Don’t call all the time but don’t be too distant
- Don’t give him your heart but don’t be stuck up
- Don’t be too emotional but show him you care.
I can keep going but I am sure you get the point. Women are constantly trying to balance themselves on that fine line.
Whew…exhaling
A smart hunter let’s his prey run themselves tired. Then he just walks up and bags them.
“A smart hunter let’s his prey run themselves tired. Then he just walks up and bags them.”
this sounds…datelinespecialesque
“this sounds…datelinespecialesque”
This literally made me LOL. Dateline is a trip.
hey, isn’t that what the Christina Hansens here are all doing, trying “To catch a predator”?
Lol @ Calm the fuck down… I’m guilty just like every other women who reads VSB, hell even the ones who aren’t enlightened enough to do so are guilty too.
“I’m guilty just like every other women”
just this line by itself is lovely
These are good “rules” to follow ladies. It will save you a world of heartache. However I also want to point out that it is important that we pay attention to how people act. Anyone can talk a good game but actions speak louder than words.
I learned the hard way that sometimes it’s good to not be the one always calling. It comes off as pressed. On the other hand I think men need to be mindful that if you are trying to date a respectable woman, communication is important. I understand that some of us have crazy work schedules (I work 70+HRS per week so I understand) but men should at least pick up the phone twice a week to touch basis with the female he is trying to date. I recently dismissed a man because he thought it was okay to not to call me for three weeks but then act I should be excited to hear from him when he did decide to call. I also believe that if a man is really feeling a woman, his actions will show that. Many woman, including myself, do go apeshit if a guy we are trying to date sends mixed messages by not calling but then act like you are the greatest thing since chocolate cake. It comes off as bipolar.
Shoot since we are on the topic of dating, why can’t men be upfront? Women don’t like our time wasted either. If you just want to hook up then say so. Everyone is at different stages of their life and if a guy meets a woman who is looking for a long term relationship while he just wants to bed someone, leave her the fuck alone serious. I can’t stand men who think that it’s okay to string a woman along in hopes of getting some booty.
“I can’t stand men who think that it’s okay to string a woman along in hopes of getting some booty.”
see. if dudes followed that credo, there would be a lot fewer slashed tires in the world.
Word.Life.
Are you my twin?? You are right on everything you said especially about the phone calls, that makes me so mad. I am like you if you want to just be a fuck buddy you might get more play “not from me” but from other females that are like minded if you just keep it real….
“Shoot since we are on the topic of dating, why can’t men be upfront? Women don’t like our time wasted either. If you just want to hook up then say so”
I don’t think men always know that. Most times we give their dyck too much credit. I think a man’s primary focus is to ALWAYS bed. The woman really ends up steering the ship.
So you can steer the ship…
or
ride the titanic…
HILARIOUS!
i feel you on that last comment – sometimes i just want some ass. lemme know upfront if you feel the same, i don’t need to meet your mother for it. women get bored of waiting too. $.02
“sometimes i just want some ass.”
best. t-shirt. ever.
HA!!!
Puff!!!! Love it!!!!
**women’s prayer conference**
“However I also want to point out that it is important that we pay attention to how people act. ”
***Romans 1:17***
“If you just want to hook up then say so.”
Years ago a guy told me that. I believe the phone conversation went like this…
Janky Negro: So what’s up? How come you never call?
Me: Sorry, I’ve been really busy but I’m free tonight. Do you wanna meet for dinner or something?
Janky Negro: No.
Me: Okaaaaaaaaay. How about a movie?
Janky Negro: No.
Me: So what DO you want to do?
Janky Negro: I wanna freak you…
Me (laughing hysterically): N!GG@!!! Are you for real right now!!?? Thanks for your honesty. *click*
he actually said “i wanna freak you”????
Yes!!! Can you believe that ish? He used those exact words.
Perhaps he was listening to Silks seminal debut album “Lose Control” for song #5 “Freak Me Baby”.
At least he didn’t say, “let me lick you up and down, til you say stop…”
I like a few songs off of that album, but I don’t know track #s!! You’re too much.
I don’t care what song may have inspired him. That was out of line.
I was gonna say jodeci’s album!!
I think he was listening to Jodeci’s The Show, The After Party, The Hotel album, with the classic “Freek’N You”.
Wow… I never heard anyone use those exact words. HILARIOUS!!!!
perhaps he was a member of SILK?
True, and nobody’d actually know it b/c I sure as hell couldn’t point them out on the street. And I can point all the members of Klymaxx and Hi-Five.
I could recognize the two Gary’s from 15 feet probably….the other members…not so much….
Hi-Five
Tony Thompson is no longer with us.
@miss t-lee: well yes this is true…so i guess i won’t be pointing him out on the street then, huh?
Gangsta Lean.
A member of Hi-Five passed away? omg! I loved that group. I still have their first album. I gotta call my girl now and let her no…damn.
btw, I Like the Way was my favorite song. *holding up lighter*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hvSu5JScYc
check out these cougars in the video, that sh*t always cracked me up in 80′s and 90′s videos.
yeah Tony passed last year…I think…he OD’d at an apartment complex in Waco…word was he was trying to get “clean” and rebirth his music career…it was a sad day for alot of people I knew..so I was sad for them…
LOL! No! He was too young and there’s no way I would’ve dated a member of SILK.
Great, now I can’t get “If You” out of my head.
That song was a hit for real!!!! On some real sh*t… I was one of the original members of Silk…things didn’t work out though…we just had creative differences.
**looking at you sideways, lips furled**
I.H.,
I’m assuming you are looking at 2Degreez sideways. If so, that’s ok. But don’t bring it this way.
@D*Stroy…I loved that song!!!! Especially those banshee-like falsetto notes the little funny looking bald dude would hit (I think that was his part). It’s still one of my favorite songs to sing along with.
Were you in Silk before or after you dated Beyonce’?
“I’m assuming you are looking at 2Degreez sideways.”
D*Stroy, I’m thinking the slanted eye is for you.
Well it was before the whole Beyonce thing…which I would prefer not to discuss…
But, yeah…I actually did a lot of the lead vocals until that lil bald n*gga came in on some Frankie Lymon falsetto sh*t. To make a long story short, they decided they wanted to go in that direction with the lead vocals so I said “F*** this sh*t! You scumbags are dead to me!” then I bounced out the studio.
I still followed their progression but if you notice they didn’t have any longevity. Why (you ask)? Cause they don’t have me lacing tracks.
SO WE CAN BE CLEAR
@D*STROY AKA D*PAIN AKA D*LERIOUS
**looking at you sideways, lips furled, laughing under my breath**
“Janky Negro: I wanna freak you…”
damn….what grade were you in ? this couldn’t have happened in the millennium…no way!
I was in the 16th grade.
I totally agree with everything you said. I do believe that a lot would be saved if we get rid of the mixed messages.
I agree men need to be upfront about what they want.
Also women should continue to date other men instead of cutting other men off when they THINK they’ve met “the one.” Until you’re in a committed relationship, it’s an open market, so why close yourself off to other possibilities.
I think that’s where a lot of women make their mistake–they take away choices and settle for the one guy.
Thank you! The biggest mistake a lot of women make is that when they meet a guy they are feeling, the other guys get dismissed. I stopped doing that all together. Men need to know that you are also desired by other people and if he messes up, he needs to know that he can be easily replaced without a second thought.
@Ebony. If you never take yourself off the market how can you explore the magnitude of the relationship with the new guy you met? Meeting new guys often break ones focus and kills 1 on 1 attention. I don’t know about ya’ll but I am too old to be a player. Hell one guy can barely hold my attention so I know I am not going to juggle 2-5.
Elenda, I’m not advocating being a player and dating more than one guy does not make you one unless you are committed to one or more. Unless you are in a committed relationship with a guy, you should not be cutting yourself off from the rest of the dating pool. I’m not saying go out with every guy that asks or even exchange phone numbers with every guy that asks, but don’t COMMIT before it’s time to commit.
When you meet a new guy, just because he shows interest, you shouldn’t immediately cut yourself off from the other guy (s) that you know. Take the time to get the know the guy and don’t get too “into” the guy before discovering things underneath the surface. Know that you have options and choose not to settle.
“Also women should continue to date other men instead of cutting other men off when they THINK they’ve met “the one.” ”
***Resurrection Sunrise Service***
I won’t cut them off…but I will let them dismiss themselves with random acts of coonery that certain “tripods” are predisposed too…like your pregnant, live in, fiancee calling my phone at 3.17am…not that that’s happened or anything, I’m just saying…
“like your pregnant, live in, fiancee calling my phone at 3.17am”
I wish a monkey frogger would…
“Shoot since we are on the topic of dating, why can’t men be upfront?”
Allow me to be highly controversial here…but if men were completely upfront about what we wanted, the species would die out in something like 100 years.
Most women don’t want to just hit. We do. A lot of us want to hit and end up falling in love b/c you made us get to know you. Now sometimes, it’s possible to do both, sex you down and freak your mind at the same time and get all smitten that way.
But generally, if you never spoke and we got to see you naked all the time, I get the impression that most men would be happy.
So, men not being upfront and playing the game ensures the continuation of mankind.
“Shoot since we are on the topic of dating, why can’t men be upfront?”
I actually prefer that you are upfront. That way I know if I want to deal with you or not. Just don’t waste my time. That’s my stance.
@Miss T-Lee. ” Just don’t waste my time. That’s my stance.” I totally agree. Don’t make the decision from me either. If you are married and need a side chick let me know. Don’t hide stuff from me.
Honesty is the best policy.
I always tell my homeboys that if you lay it out and let us make the decision, 9 times outta 10 we will still get down. It’s the lying and e’re thing else that gets you caught up.
“Most women don’t want to just hit. We do. A lot of us want to hit and end up falling in love b/c you made us get to know you”
ok yall need a book agent. This needs to be told from a black male perspective. Black Women just don’t believe other (white) women. And then there’s usually the male heckler whose mad as hell that you just gave up the “secret”..something everybody’s mama been telling them since they were toddlers.
Panama,
I understand what you are saying about men and sex, but after a few weeks a guy/girl usually knows if they want to date someone long term. If a man only wants the booty and he is getting the vibe from the female that she wants a long term commitment, he’s an asshole if he continues to see her knowing that he isn’t interested in anything deeoer than a vaginal canal.
Doesn’t that make him an asshole? Or does that make him an opportunist? It’s one thing if he’s lying to her telling her that he wants to be with her always. But if he is just going with the flow and she is too, how is he a bad person? Maybe she’s just irresponsible with her oochy coochy (la la la).
@Pana-Montana….”oochie coochie la la la”?? MC Brains is that you?
It just makes him, him…you can’t get mad for the grown up ish you do, just because (in the very near future) you may regret it…suck it up!
Pana-Montana is the best one yet!!!!
…damn i’m mad i didn’t think of it first.
“Pana-Montana”
HA HA HA HA HA…. That is the best one ever!!!!
I can’t stop laughing
thanks ya’ll…I was saving that one…but I couldn’t hold it in any longer…LMAO
Even when I re read it it makes me BURST out laughing
Pana Montana.
Best. Nickname. Ever.
Tits McGee has officially been dethroned…viva la Pana-Montana!!!!
“Tits McGee has officially been dethroned…viva la Pana-Montana!!!!
tits will always be where she’s supposed to be. on top
@ CHAMP…I second that…just the thought of TITS McGEE on top makes me smile…LOL…she could NEVER be “de throned”
I was in the mall last night with my 6 year old niece and we saw a Hanna Montana stand up thingy… I busted out laughing and spilled my Ben & Jerry’s smoothie all over the place… all I could think about was Pana-Montana
Truly hilarious!!!!!
@IH…I think it was quite clever too…but if you notice…the Pana-MAN hasn’t even dignified it with a response…this…makes me sad…
True! This is way women need to stop having sex with men they are not in a committed relationship with. It’s been proven that most women cannot separate sex from love. I’ve made the mistake of getting physical before knowing where the guy stood with me. If a woman’s goal is to be in a long term relationship and/or get married, she needs to hold off on a sex. Don’t play games but make your position known if it starts to lead in that direction. If a guy is really feeling you mentally he will respect your wishes. If he’s not, consider yourself blessed that you didn’t give yourself to some random man who only sees you as a piece of pussy. I consider the power of my vagina a bullshit filter.
Yeah I took a vow of celibacy like 4 weeks, so far this ish is for the birds…but I have a goal, this negro will be mine…he he he *evil laugh*
@Muse. I agree. Women who want serious relation ships should put rules on how quickly they put out. I remember my last year in college I put out a “30-day rule” and I was shocked but pleased at how easy it was to weed out the p* chasers, within two weeks. They just don’t have motivation to chase something for too long.
I waited nearly a full year before my wife decided that I was going to be that negroe. Hardest time of my life (no pun intended). But what she didn’t know is that I would’ve waited to the wedding day.
@D*Stroy…
damn you a real live caker huh?
ole duncan hines lookin boy…love blind lookin boy…woulda waited to hit til weddin night lookin boy…
sorry…I just hate you cuz I ain’t you…I could NOT help myself….e-smooches!!!
“But if he is just going with the flow and she is too, how is he a bad person?”
this is an entry topic by itself.
opportunist = asshole tendencies in my book.
if a dude is doing that, he’s probably exhibits other asshole tendencies as well. exhibit enough of them and there’s a good chance he’s an asshole.
yes, it also makes her clueless and a lil bit naive. but it doesn’t negate his asshole-ishness.
@Tiffany. “opportunist = asshole tendencies in my book. ” I concur.
Panama has a point. A lot of times guys will tell you and show you what they are all about but we ignore what they say and continue to live off of hope and then want to turn around and blame them for our misery.
Take a man for what he says and what he shows you via his actions instead of trying to make it into something else.
@Muse…I agree. I am abstinent because I do want to taken seriously and wanted for what I offer outside of the bedroom. Its been 6 months of nothingness and I couldnt be happier.
@D*Stroy…thank you for letting me know that what I’ve heard from my friends and loved ones “there’s not a man in the world who would be faithful and wait on you to have sex with them, when he can get it from someone else. You are kidding yourself” isnt true for each and every man. That made my heart smile.
Yeah…that sh*t is not true. Especially if the man wants to take it slow to truly cultivate a lasting relationship. I knew from the first day I met my wife that I wanted to marry her…But, I wanted to make sure that everything was as real as it felt, so I never even pressed her to do the nasty…I wanted her to come to the decision on her own. I guess I should also mention that I was her first…that may have amplified the gravity of the situation.
Now you got me reminiscing….
Our first time was on Valentine’s day of 2002…I hung white orchids from my ceiling, filled the room with white candles and other white flowers. I hid a bunch of gifts around my room for a scavenger hunt. The bed (a futon) was dressed also in white sheets. The room was pristinely white except for the bed which was covered in red rose pedals. We drank champagne and ate chinese take out (a n*gga spent all his money)….ultimately ending the evening on a bed of roses.
The good thing about being a sensitive n*gga is that we know how to make memories last a lifetime.
RIP Thomas J. ( see “My Girl”)
@ D, I don’t l know if I want to laugh, cry or swoon and throw my panties at you. I will be back when I figure it out.
First time or rebirth………I already knew it could happen and will held out until my hymen regenerates itself if I have to. I was tired of things, so I changed them. You have sex for a while and still wind up single, you have to do some self reflection and start eliminating things until you figure out the problem. Like her first, my 2nd first will be memorable.
@D*Stroy…I am with IH on this with respect to the fact that I don’t really know how I feel about this whole mental jog down memory lane…but I know that is absolutley beautiful…if/when my “relationship” heals…I want to grow into that kind of genuine shit! I give you a hard time…but it’s all love, luv…you know that…
(slow clap, single tear drop)…
will somebody hand me a tissue and rub my back? *weeping with office door shut*
There’s also another part of me that wants to throw up when I read your post and spend the entire afternoon hating on you. but i won’t, but if i did it would go something like this:
“so?! who the f*ck cares? and who wants chinese food on yr breath before you’re about to do it? oh i’m sorry ‘MAKE LOVE’, petals? get the f outta here! like i want petals in my ass when i’m about to lose my virginity? bet that champagne was from rite aid too… sheeeeeeeeeeeet. plus this ish don’t even count, you were like 19 and college sprung…”
but i’m so glad i’m not that girl. phew! carry on…
the laugh part was more because I am a visual person so I actually, in my mind, saw you prancing about Fresh Prince style, I have no idea why FP, preparing all of this and it was funny to me. Yet sad because I remember that, the feeling I had for my first, the man I spent half my lifetime with that I thought I was going to marry and bare children for, all of the romance and sincerity that went into events such as these.
and swoon and throw my panties at cause damn stuff like that makes a girl quite damp.
I’m a closet romantic and I believe in love, I hope you don’t let that feeling and expression of romance ever leave your relationship
and RIP Thomas J (pass the tissue)
“You have sex for a while and still wind up single, you have to do some self reflection and start eliminating things until you figure out the problem.”
Much props to you…I completely agree with you. I have grown to place very great value on intimacy. I personally believe that it should be reserved for someone with whom you are in love. I didn’t always feel this way but I got it eventually.
My concern is that intimacy loses its significance when you view it as simply a physical experience. What’s worse is that I think it may be difficult to change that mentality. I can honestly say that EVERY time that my wife and I are intimate, it is earth-shattering…spiritual even. You know the type where you have to say “thank you” when its over.
I don’t think I would have gained this sense of respect for intimacy had I not taken time away from it while waiting for my wife.
Can i get a tissue???? I am crying too…
that’s great…I am straddling the fence on this here…I know that intimacy is special…sacred even…thing is…that whole cellular level reconstruction I alluded to in a previous post has rendered me with a severe intimataphobia…satisfying my physical self isn’t the same as intimacy…not for me…not anymore…sometimes I want the two experiences to come together again…and then I think of the disruption of having infinite affinity and having it removed from my life…(sigh) and then I charge that desire for the “I” word up to listening to too much Jill and Floetry…***shrugging*** I ain’t ready yet…but it’s comforting to know that it’s out there…and it’s real…so I thank you for that…
@GOODEness… I definitely feel you on that…it actually sounds somewhat like a male ideology. We often separate emotional attachment from intimacy and in that way we mentally separate ourselves from our sexual organs. I think what I am saying is that I believe this kind of separation places too much emphasis on the physical aspect of intimacy. My concerns became:
1. When I find the right person, am I going to be able to wholly connect with them (emotionally and spiritually) if my understanding of sexual value derives from how much physical pleasure I recieve?
2. What psychological impact is there when I give my body to someone that I don’t care about during sex?
3. Will I be able to control my sexual appetite when it is time to be with one person? (Can I break old sexual habits?)
Just my thoughts on it and I concede that my understanding of women and of relationships is quite limited.
@D…honestly…I feel like this…
number 1 – doesn’t concern me…only because I KNOW I can connect the two, I am just terrified of the fallout of being reset (again)…I can make the connection…I disconnected them as a defense mechanism, to preserve the sanity that I was losing…the readily dissolving remnants of it…
number 2 – I am not sure how it will affect me…but I care about those I lay with…just not in love with them…BIG difference…at least in my mind…
number 3 – again…I am one of the most faithful woman I know when I am in a relationship…period…I enjoy the context of monogamy, but the expectation of fidelity and the ability to trust that I am getting what I am giving has rendered me with committment issues…(sigh) I know it’s bad…but I recognize it for what it is…and I know this existence is temporary…just not sure HOW temporary…
but this is my last public comment on this…gmail me…but I really can’t take typing this right now…it’s getting to oa ni99a and shit…I feel oober-expsed and shit…
oh yeah…er’time I hear Kindred “Woman First” I think of you and the wife…and it makes me smile…
she-crest…out…
#1. This is the purpose of my soul search. I truly believe that if it is the right person you (I) will be able to wholly connect with them (emotionally and spiritually) because my understanding of sexual value does not derive from how much physical pleasure I recieve. Its a spin on something Goodeness says, you have to rock my mind in order to rock my body.
2. In my eyes I feel I am less than, its like selling my soul to the devil. I cant even look God in the face after giving myself to someone who I could care less about.
3. If sex is used soley to please the flesh then I believe that you cant be with just one person. When sex pleases the soul, thats when you have that level of intimacy that goes beyond, the flesh, beyond the physical, beyond the warm breaths on the neck. Its those solitary touches, gazing and conversations that arouse you. And only that one person can do that. Sex has been objectified by the world. Sex is like gum, you dont like the flavor, you throw the pack out and buy a new flavor. Hell we know how many flavors of gum there are out here??? Its sad.
@ABC and GOODEness! You guys are really some very intensely introspective women. It’s amazing how few of you are out there. I wish all of our young women could read these comments. Eternal props and admiration.
thanks hunnymuffin…ABCDE is my real life BFF so you should hear some of the conversations we have…we go from “bout to wet yourself” hilarity to this ole “depth perceptive soul sister” ish…all in the course of a day…I know that if/when I get back in the real live “L” word game…she will be watching these cats, so I won’t have to…I love her…and she’s got my back…now if I could get a man I could trust like that…BINGO! LM(red)AO
… and I need you to email me for real… goodeness@gmail.com…I have a “kwerstchun”
Thanks D*Stroy. We try to be the protype. And I try to be the me I want to see in the world. (Corny I know) Thank you for being an positive and truthful example of what real love can be. I’m gone sit over here and apply some lip gloss, bat my eyes and hope that the next brotha comes correctly.
@ Goody-GOODENESS-The Goddess…much love too. Your “relationship” is going to have the cast removed soon. You just gotta stop trying to do stuff you aint supposed to before it fully heals. But thats why I’s here. I got your back mami!
Honesty doesn’t guarantee 100% success. Thats why men are not upfront. Sometimes you do what needs to be done to ensure higher odds of success. Being upfront about just wanting to fuck is a 50-50 thing. 50% just isn’t high enough.
Now that’s some honesty for that azz.
Had to be said I’m tired of hearing girls say that shit. had to make people aware when a guy says something to you he really isn’t concerned about your decision process he wants to suck tiddies. Why is that even a mystery?
REAL TALK!
It’s a mystery b/c many women would still like to believe that men wouldn’t stoop to all time lows to “get what they want.” Sucks for them though. I already know that men are azzholes.
how does that make a guy an asshole? I’m just curious not excusing the behavior. If you know he is out to fuck and you let him fuck how is the guy wrong?
**praise dance practice**
LMAO!!!!!!! so so so silly.
yeah she’s a nut!
Um, being dishonest/manipulative to get what you want makes one an azzhole.
So True.
if you can only guarantee success through dishonesty than you REALLY don’t need to be f*cking that person. D- I’m not saying that you personally subscribe to that method, but if two grown ass adults want to just f*ck wouldn’t it work out in everybody’s favor if 100% honesty were on the table from the get? when you talk the talk and all you wanted was sex, well that’s just playing with fire. there are alot of crazies out there, male & female… (Watch a Thin Line Btwn Love & Hate and read Goodeness’ post yesterday abt that snot slanging man running after her truck)
My personal belief is that if a guy can’t be straight forward and get what he wants through honesty, he doesn’t have much game to begin with. Men who get the panties through false promises and deceit are pieces of shit and the reason why there are so many bitter women running around. Adults should be able to honestly communicate their wants and needs without resorting to lies.
You know…through all of this honesty talk, when was the last time most of you womenfolks really told a dude that you just wanted to fuck?
You want a dude to be straight up and honest and tell you that so you can decide if that’s what you want. However, shouldn’t you ALSO just speak the fuck up as well? Honesty is a two way street. If I do all the talking and you just sit by and make your decisions based on what I’m presenting, that makes you an opportunist.
And thats what most men are. We both talk the same shit. We just use different accents.
Panama-sterbater asks…”when was the last time most of you womenfolks really told a dude that you just wanted to fuck?”
ummm…last night…needless to say I have big plans for the weekend…LOL
I stopped playing games with men years ago. When I want what I want I just tell him, just like when we are done I tell him to go. That is only when it’s just about the skins, no romance or emotion involved, I don’t want y’all to think Im a Black Widow Spider or anything like that.
P, I can’t speak for all womenfolk, but me personally…I am honest about what I want. You yourself stated earlier that most women don’t want ‘to just hit it’, so I think the more appropriate question here is ‘when was the last time you womenfolk told a dude you were looking for a relationship and not an f-buddy’. Again, I have been honest in these situations as well. HOWEVER, my experience has been that he responded with the same exact sentiment only to discover that he really did want an f-buddy. Now, I’m not saying that I’m not to blame for NOT paying attention to his actions, but the issue of dishonesty still plays a major role in all of this. Why pursue me like you want to get to know me if all you wanted in the end was the p*ssy? The dinner tab, the hallmark cards and sweet nothings are totally unnecessary. You can still be a gentleman without sending mixed signals of true courtship. All that dishonesty seems like a waste of time for both parties if you ask me.
**raising hand from the corner**
when I want a relationship…or I am at least open to one…I make that clear, too (although at this point the devil may be rocking a chinchilla onesie, polo boots, and minc earmuffs before that time comes again) …I say what I mean and I make my speech plain…however…at this point in time…my “relationship” is severely sprained…doc said I should stay off it for a while, so it can heal properly…and I have always been one to follow doctor’s orders…
“We both talk the same shit. We just use different accents.”
i have always had an issue with accents, maybe I’m a hypocrite but I really don’t do well with them.
At times it seems men’s accents are quite thick and incomprehensible and really who has time to get a translator, so I say “keep it moving”
I’m pretty straight forward about how I feel. There was this one guy who really liked me and started buying me all this stuff. I had to pull the breaks and tell him that I wasn’t feeling him romantically and returned the gifts because I didn’t want him to feel used. Also now that I’m 26, I’m looking for a potiential partner so fucking and dating without a purpose doesn’t really suit me. I usually know in two dates if I’m feeling a guy or not.
*hand raised* … and i’ve also told dudes that i wanted a relationship. i’m really clear about my intentions and i will ask you about yours if i’m confused.
@PJ. ‘You know…through all of this honesty talk, when was the last time most of you womenfolks really told a dude that you just wanted to fuck?”
The entire year of 2002 that’s all I ever said. In fact my exact words were:”I am trying to get my life together so I am not looking for a relationship. I mean we can f*ck but I ain’t trying to be your girl or anything.”
Hey…I’m honest, if you’re honest.
thas all well and good if you care about everyone being happy and getting what they want and blah blah blah. If all you care about is getting ass you could give a shit if it works out for her cause the assumption could be if she is gettin dicked down its working out well for her. Ultimately the guy is getting what he wants so it was a success. As far as crazy goes there is no deterrent for that cause no matter what you do if you get mixed up with a crazy you’re screwed either way.
“Many woman, including myself, do go apeshit if a guy we are trying to date sends mixed messages by not calling but then act like you are the greatest thing since chocolate cake. It comes off as bipolar”.
LMAO…!!!
@Muse. I so agree. If it is not a match move on. If you are on a different stage don’t act like it’s a challenge, just kick rocks to the next chick that is on your stage.
Trust if I meet a man that is not looking for anything and I am looking for a lot, I keep it moving. Men should do the same.
you’re ridiculously…and i love it
re: #1. analysis is how we bond with out homegirls. asking us not to over analyze is like asking y’all to stop playing madden. although any woman over the age of 30 knows it’s girl-bonding doesn’t take that stuff seriously.
re #5: some folks just ain’t the dating type. i date one person at a time because it’s too much work trying to remember who does what and whether he’s vegetarian or not. had a couple of embarrassing moments like that.
ultimately, though, if a dude likes you, you really won’t have too many questions about it. whether he’ll eventually make you want to put a brick through his windshield is another story. but you will never doubt how he feels if he’s feeling you.
You sound like you need a hug!!!
are you just in a hugging mood or sumthin? i generally tend towards cranky smart-assery, but, uh, naw, i don’t need a hug.
“are you just in a hugging mood or sumthin? i generally tend towards cranky smart-assery, but, uh, naw, i don’t need a hug”
i think he just wants an ass peak
unlike some men, not all men hug women to get an “ass peak”
“unlike some men, not all men hug women to get an “ass peak””
lol…keep believing that.
hey english teacher…it’s “peek”, not peak. gheesh.
“hey english teacher…it’s “peek”, not peak. gheesh.”
this is why i’m no longer an english teacher. my grammar nazi tendencies come and go.
“ultimately, though, if a dude likes you, you really won’t have too many questions about it.”
***Deuteronomy 31:6***
The name “Deuteronomy” always makes me chuckle. Is that bad?
You dare laugh at Deuteronomy! Blasphemy!
LMAO!!!!
it sounds like a dance or something: Do da Ron-0-Me
what is with the bible quotes today Champ? I never knew you were so spiritual lol….
thanks for asking him Liz cause I was wondering too. I actually went to the Bible to see if he was being authentic or not.
googles a lovely thing. you can even google bible quotes, if you believe that
“ultimately, though, if a dude likes you, you really won’t have too many questions about it. whether he’ll eventually make you want to put a brick through his windshield is another story. but you will never doubt how he feels if he’s feeling you.”
um… maybe im not adept at reading signals that well, but i have had A LOT of men go gaga for me and then just drop me. and i mean like call me every day (even when they just woke up), wanna see me everyday, run all this game about this and that, introduce me to mom, etc, and then be ghost before the year is up. wtf is up with that? so these days, i can never tell… i just fall back and enjoy the dinners til it ends.
well if he got ghost, he must have stopped feeling you.
@Or he met someone else.
“@Or he met someone else.”
this is usually it
“whether he’ll eventually make you want to put a brick through his windshield is another story.”
this makes me so glad I am not a man…there would be brick-age for some of the stunts I’ve pulled on dudes….I’m sure of it!
I got some throw a brick in the windshield moments myself!!!
Wow, you never really hear or see men writing about women showing “restraint”. EVER. It usually translates into “you’re playing games”.
I think its more about self-respect. A man really shows you who he is and what he is made of in the courtship phase anyway, by a woman calling (and playing the pursuer) she’s adding more buffer. But let the man show his hand. let him show you that he can a) keep his promises b) that his plate is clean (ie, not entangled in a serious/committed relationship and c) is really into you.
I was sure that there was some kind of faternity of botherhood that had laws about not exposing the truth.
“I was sure that there was some kind of faternity of botherhood that had laws about not exposing the truth.”
ummm…there is, and by creating this site, we’ve both been placed on probation. its a touchy subject with us, and i’d like for you to never bring it up again.
(btw, is your “r” key broke?)
the girl misses a couple of r’s at the end and you just had to point it out…lol.
btw, is your “r” key broke
yes that key is boke. How did you know.
Teacia
its ok.
i’m sorry, i can’t help it. its the former english teacher in me.
I appreciate your keen eye. When my keyboard isn’t “boken”, I get this overwhelming urge to diagram my own damn sentences. I too on occasion like to save the world one transitional phrase and dangling participle at a time.
OMG! an ECON teach and an ENG instructor…if I could just mix you two in a bowl…there would be some MAJOR yummy-ness going on!
“OMG! an ECON teach and an ENG instructor…if I could just mix you two in a bowl…there would be some MAJOR yummy-ness going on!”
**gentlely motioning goodeness back to the corner**
@ GOODENess~ you always say what I’m thinking. I’m glad you say it before me cause the corner makes me claustrophobic.
how in the world can proclaiming my “philos” for educated, educators land me in the corner?? I mean really…now you’re just showing out…I mean…I like it…but I’m just saying…
I think there should be a “corner” at the not-so-imaginary VSB shindig too, because the ish I type is the ish I say in real life…me and ABCDE just stopped laughing from our lunchtime escapades…I’m just saying..
G…you make me laugh out and regularly. If they make you go back to the corner, I’ll bring you some comfort food and a pitcher of margaritas. wait, unless khan is joining you again…no alcohol for him. LOL!
WTF, Goodeness! Fine! I’m no English or Economics teacher…but I taught some youngsters around my way how to play basketball once (granted I dunked on ‘em afterwards)… but you should mix that sh*t in a bowl too!
“how in the world can proclaiming my “philos” for educated, educators land me in the corner?? I mean really…now you’re just showing out…I mean…I like it…but I’m just saying…”
you’re right. i just liked having you in the corner, thats all. i miss it.
i miss your laugh.
your scent.
your musk…
@ D*Stroy(ing my cyncism on the “L” word one post at a time)… you, my sweet, genuine, thoughtful, intelligent (happily married) man…you not IN the bowl, babe…you ARE the bowl…believe that!!
@CHAMP…you missed me? I am blushing…who knew a red sista could turn red…
ok, ok. Goodeness, you can have your econ/english fantasy bowl then. Tell me how it turns out, k? details, please! Brothas…go off the corner and give G some of that good lovin’. I left her some ham, some mac& cheese and a pitcher of margaritas. Enjoy. PatteCakes, out. (i think i just earned a spot myself, damn)
D*stroy!!! off to the corner. (& i don’t need vsb permission to put you there neither!) And you know why, look at your left hand. uh-huh…
I just wanted to feel cool like the other guys…
**slithering off to the corner**
@ Pattee Cakes….it’s just harmless e-love…he felt left out, lol…plus, we all know I don’t do committed/married d!ck… (I’ve heard it tastes funny, LMAO)… so why torture me by sending HIM to MY corner??? huh? I thought we was cool cupcake? at least send me something single I can play with dayum! lol…
@ Good… I think D has been plotting this all along, see how he “slithered” off to the corner without complaint. **shaking lowered head @ D**
BTW: “I’ve heard it tastes funny” LMAO, I heard the same thing.
observations like this are why you are the champ….
it has been duly noted and preserved for your hall of fame induction speech!
thanks killa. that made my day and shit.
i’ll make sure you get a shout out too.
Champ, I feel you. I can be a GrammarNator & TypoCop sometimes too.
LM(red)AO @ GRAMMARNATOR…I take a red pen to poorly written emails/text msgs/MySpace exchanges etc… I rarely return them to the offender all “marked up like the subway in Harlem” but it makes me feel better to correct it…it gives me peace…
Amen, Which is why in my earlier post I mentioned that women should hold off on sex. The old school folks knew exactly what they were talking about when it came to young women keeping their legs closed. Women would save themselves a world of trouble if they don’t give themselves to men who don’t value them beyond being cum deposits.
“Women would save themselves a world of trouble if they don’t give themselves to men who don’t value them beyond being cum deposits.”
muse, next time tell us how you REALLY feel
Yo this list would have helped “that one girl” from back in the day, when I was a “young-AO.” She straight up pressed me like “fresh creased jeans!” You know how you pick up your phone to make a call and somebody is on that joint like, “hello?” WTF!? Mad nuts!!
Sh*t like that can drive a brotha to drink!!
You know how you pick up your phone to make a call and somebody is on that joint like, “hello?”
Oh hell naw. LOL
That actually cracked me the f*ck up too.
“You know how you pick up your phone to make a call and somebody is on that joint like, “hello?” WTF!? Mad nuts!!”
this made me choke on my peanut butter crackers and grits
I’m pretty upset you eating peanut butter crackers and grits. What in the breakfast combo hell is dat??
“What in the breakfast combo hell is dat??”
the breakfast of champions. duh.
Hilarious! But that is a little on the creepy side when it happens. Especially when its someone who you “really” don’t want to speak with at the moment.
i’m just saying, the reality of my life would fill a sitcom! i’ll have to tell you the story about me and my homie at the golf course, and this cat asked us for our papers to be in the country, WTF!? son caught a severe blazing!! despite the fact, that we are in the “grayest” part of new england anyway, but c’mon, common sense is out here too, right!?
LMAO!!!!! I am waiting for the day that someone asks me for my papers to be in the country legally… I’m itching for it….
Yeah, see I don’t know how I would have reacted to that situation. I mean besides the fact that he would have gotten cursed out, I don’t know if I would have swung on him or not, lol. That’s crazy and just plain stupid to ask someone. Just goes to show how insensitive and ignorant people still are.
i haven’t seen a part of New England that was gray. yo that’s pilgrim territory dude. cept maybe the celtics locker room. he asked you and your homey for papers to be in the country? WTF! he was certainly being a racist prick even if he worked for the I.N.S. he would have caught a nigg* knock out. dam, im getting all pissy and shit.
“You know how you pick up your phone to make a call and somebody is on that joint like, “hello?”
I don’t even know how that ish happens on cell phones…but when I am listening to music on my phone, it’s on auto-answer! I HATE AUTO ANSWER!
“I HATE AUTO ANSWER!”
why the hell would someone put auto-answer on their phone?
“why the hell would someone put auto-answer on their phone?”
For real, that’s a suicide move right there!
@I agree. “Auto Answer” I only for old people! LOL
it’s a new phone…I don’t know how to turn it off…anybody got a T-Mobile Dash?? hit me on gmail on how to disable that crap! I mean I can’t not listen to music, I am parking and riding in response to petro-terrorism…you THINK I stay in the corner…those D-Town bus-dwellers would skine me alive if I didn’t have a distraction…”shawty is a teeeeen” on public transportation…LOL
That shit has happened to me before too. LOL!!
Yeah I got a call from this dude last night saying that he fucks with me more now because I did as he requested as calmed down…lol. Yeah I was on a mission at the beginning of the year and was definitely pressed, I think I even stopped dating other men in hopes that it worked out, what the hell was I going through…whoooa, I can’t even believe I said that out loud. *feeling exposed*
Well thankfully, I’m back to my wonderfully pimptastic self, and he and the other starting four are competing like crazy to vy for my time and afftection. I wonder if the celibacy thing plays a part. Oh well I couldn’t be happier…decisions, decisions…Comeback the end of August is rapidly approaching…I’m not sure I’m going to be able to let 4 of them go. Just the thought of my roster makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.
@Teacia: sounds like an email i recieved a while back…lol…you may be walking a fine line messing with four men. What if u fall for all four of them or even three. Could happen you know, then it makes shit all complicated….unless your referring this email I received about the four different types of guys a girl dates:
1. Husband material- you can take this one home to meet the parents, he has all the qualities you want in a man, but just not quite ready to commit just yet…a work in progress
2. Baby Boy- worships the ground u walk on, is a romantic and wants to be the husband, but just doesn’t quite measure up to #1, but is he’s next in line if number 1 messes up…
3. Side Piece- is called on whenever your bored and want to hang out (go to a movie or dinner); nothing to call home about. (Drought Goggles)
4. Jump Off- is called on for his bedside manner and cash flow. Doesn’t stress u, but can’t see it going anywhere because he’s too in love with his money and hustle..thuglife
naw, they’re actually a lot alike, some differences but for the most part i could be happy with 3 of them long term.
hey i guess i’ll cross that bridge if/when i get there…they are aware of the others…i actually think it encouraged them to work a little harder. i have a main starter, but then someone else steps up..and so forth and so on…but i’m assuming that 3 of them will lose interest b/c of the work and that will leave me with 2 to choose from…consistency being the deciding factor.
…of course this plan could totally backfire…which would actually suck.
Yep. this was real talk.
From guys with good hair no less.
Can I add mine?
Dating…it’s called dating for a reason. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket because dude paid for your rooty tooty fresh ‘n fruity at IHOP after the club.
Make him work for it.
Any man who buys you the rooty-tooty-fresh-n-fruity is a keeper and the red carpet should be rolled out for him.
The Denny’s grand slam???
YOU should be proposing to him!
Um….no.
“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket because dude paid for your rooty tooty fresh ‘n fruity…”
Or in my case the Combo Bucket at Spondivits…that sh*t was $25! That’s alot of money for a dude to spend on you when you know he’s only making $10/hr! and we got appetizers! damn…
*i should note, we were both fresh out of college and broke as hell*
Or for the Rattlers in the house…a chicken box from the infamous Guthries…also known a “gutbox” and the recipient “chickenbox hoes.”
Ahh man, Tally-ho…now those were some good times.
Now I’m hungry, and no where near Tennessee Street.
i’m hungry too. can somebody send me some real food with some grease in it? i’m in la-la-land where the cooks leave out all the good stuff in the sauce.
Teesh i love you for bringing up the good ol days. i.e chicken box ho’s. LOL! a chicken box went a looooonnnnggg way back in the day. i wonder what its worth now? LOL! a ol chicken box brought me miles of pleasure i tellya. you could put about 40-50 miles on a ho wit a chicken box at the right time. LMBAO! am i wrong for this memory? i feel shameful. LOL!
Guthries…damn, I thought that was an Athens staple. Stopped eating that when I learned you can clean old pennies with the sauce…
Wow!!!! He was trying to make an impression.
He prolly had to eat tuna for a week after that splurge.
“rooty tooty fresh ‘n fruity”
another t-shirt in the making
“rooty tooty fresh ‘n fruity”
another t-shirt in the making
yea. it would be perfect if our url was verygaybrothas.com (not that theres anything wrong with that)
“In fact, unless he says, “You should come here…” ”
You still shouldn’t show up. That’s really just the homie being polite and trying to avoid an argument about never inviting you anywhere later. Take it as a compliment that he actually cares about your feelings and is willing to possibly sabotage a night with the fellas to prove it.
“That’s really just the homie being polite and trying to avoid an argument about never inviting you anywhere later.”
***1 Corinthians 16:13***
Wow! Even though this list is something like common sense (from the male’s prospective), I wish I would have known this a year ago-lol…would have saved sooo much time! I always had a problem with #3 and #5. But, you live and you learn! And yes, ya girl has learned!
“And yes, ya girl has learned!”
this makes me smile and shit
Good List.
Especaially #5. I usually keep a few guys around but on the occassions that I have managed to have only one dude in the rotation that is when they start to act the fool. But we all know they can smell it when another man is around you.
“But we all know they can smell it when another man is around you.”
this just sounds nasty, for some reason
“this just sounds nasty, for some reason”
lmao I was thinking that too, like what does he smell my neck and it smells like ball juice or something ?? *lost*
“ball juice”
*crying laughing*
“ball juice” LMAO
and on your neck no less. **shaking head**
lil kim should make a song called: “ball juice on my neck” LMBAO! deeeez nuuutttss! ahhhh ha ha ha ha….
that would be funny except the likelihood of it happening and the song becoming a hit is too real and makes it actually sad and not funny at all.
LMAO!!!!!!
“lil kim should make a song called: “ball juice on my neck” LMBAO! deeeez nuuutttss! ahhhh ha ha ha ha….”
this entire comment might have earned you a place in the corner
(rubbing hands together) oh yeah…that’s what I’m talking about! send him…(clearing throat) ummmm… I mean ….dang CHAMP…that’s messed up…
ummm.. “ball juice” on the “neck”…
WTF kind of f*cking are you doing where “ball juice” can get on your “neck”??? holy crap…LOL
That’s some new millenium type loving going on!
You ain’t ready!!!!
damn…apparently…I read it with a stink face though…lol…
Goodeness wants to know: ummm.. “ball juice” on the “neck”…
WTF kind of f*cking are you doing where “ball juice” can get on your “neck”???
good good it’s called a pearl necklace unless of course i’m “doing your make-up” and then technically ball juice would be on your face instead. …stop playing, you all already know this. LOL!
@GK…you’re right I did…but when I read “ball juice” I somehow saw “ball sweat” in which case…I was like (scooby doo impression) “arrrr?”…but leave it to you to clear it up for me…
“this just sounds nasty”
hmm
These are very good suggestions, however, women should still remember to be available sometimes, call sometimes, and express a certain degree of interest. Although most men enjoy the chase, he has to able to know that what he’s chasing is within his reach.
For instance, I’ve been in situations where the chick has played TOO hard to get and I eventually lost interest. Then, when they DO call, I’ve already moved on or wasn’t no longer available or just wasn’t interested anymore.
I guess what I’m saying is that you have to give some inclination that you’re interested before the guy chalks you up as a loss.
If she returns phone calls she is interested if she doesn’t returns calls or make them ” on occassion” then she isn’t feeling you or has to many people on her roster.
Phone calls are big on my list, I can make them but I can’t do all the calling, if you call me once every 3 weeks im going to believe your not interested.
I agree… Mikki “women should be available sometimes” is male speak for “you still need to do some work, cause there are other women who most certainly will”.
Men know damn well when a woman is interested. Not returning a call IMHO is a clear indication she’s NOT interested. Repeatedly turning down dates, is not interested.
Yep comeback you know we know to well, I think we can write a book on the “Art of calling”
can we get a manual on how to know when a guy just wants to f*ck??
*editing that copy right now*
“can we get a manual on how to know when a guy just wants to f*ck??”
I think that would be all up and through the manual and on every page. Most men do. Actually I’m thinking a guy who doesn’t is “how you doin”..like I wrote above its up to us to navigate the situation.
“can we get a manual on how to know when a guy just wants to f*ck??”
My all inclusive manual on deciphering if a man is only interested in makin the beast with two backs (aka rump-romping):
1. He does something nice for you.
Explanation: The man may think you are wonderful and beautiful and great… but at the end of the day, each nice gesture is accompanied by a secret and desperate desire to rump-romp.
“can we get a manual on how to know when a guy just wants to f*ck??”
Step 1: Breathe.
Step 2: Breathe.
Step 3: Breathe.
Wash and repeat.
lmao!!
Thanks how much do I owe you $9.95??
$19.95 actually. That’s gospel right there. You can’t go selling gospel for less than 10 dollars.
“can we get a manual on how to know when a guy just wants to f*ck??”
I’m not a guy, but I’ve taken the liberty of answering this question anyway. Here goes:
1) He has only 1 phone voice and it’s a cross between the Quiet Storm dj and a Jodeci song intro.
2) All you do with him is f*ck
3) All he talks about is the next time you two are gonna f*ck
4) Your dates with him consist of f*cking and getting take out food to refuel for more f*cking.
But as far as the grey area goes…when you both want to f*ck but everything else seems r-shippy…i’m lost. (i guess that’s why we have vsb to steer us) great, now i have f*cking on the brain. thanks alot.
“great, now i have f*cking on the brain. thanks alot.”
no problem. thats what vsb.com is for
@Miss Patterson. You forgot the ultimate way to find out. Tell him you are on your *ahem* and see if he still wants to spend time with you! LOL! And if he suddenly changes his mind or something came up, hi-5 mother nature for filtering the b.s. out of your life.
yeh…that’s a good one Elenda. Except for the guys that think that just because your p*ssy is out of order doesn’t mean your mouth isn’t. Why do men think that time of the month equates to unlimited bjs for a week? (n.t.t.a.w.w.t.)
Comeback knows what’s good: ““women should be available sometimes” is male speak for “you still need to do some work, cause there are other women who most certainly will.”
this man doesn’t do all the chasing, i just want to determine the tempo and if you think that’s bitchass then you’re a bitchass for thinking it. this shit is mack-tritious, is what it is. get some in your life, it’s good for your bone.
who was that?: (metaphor for relationships) “men are the hunters the harder the prey runs the more the predator chases.” (i’m paraphrasing) i believe this was supposed to justify why men should do the chasing? it’s natural we like it that way. heh, heh, heh…
exception: the male lion has his lionesses hunt for his meal. i wish the lionesses would fix their lips to touch the big piece of chicken. shhhhii…
oh and you know i feel too many women have that sense of entitlement anyway even in “the chase.”
i can’t tell you how many women have called me before and after a relationship of some sort has begun and been like:
Q: (all expectant and confrused) why you didn’t call me?
i’m like: What’s wrong with your hands? fuck i didn’t call u. (in a mumbled tone)
now there’s a difference ladies, in sweating a dude out and expecting him to chase after you. (two different ends of the spectrum) do neither. ladies if you like the dude you better stop chasing your own azz long enuf to chase his tail some too.
a man with a lil self confidence and experience knows he doesn’t have to put up with not setting the tempo for the chase on both sides and if he likes you he will enjoy both sides of the chase.
men, we have been conditioned and trained like monkeys to think that we should be expected to do all the chasing. in my opinion thats a self limiting belief.
paying for the coochie, making it rain on ho’s, basically taking the responsibility financial and otherwise to win a womans favor or prove something to her. i don’t seek approval, it’s a needy state of mind. i do however desire and will.
even in sex women seem to feel like you owe them something. i gave u some d, u gave me some p. sex should be a fair exchange and no robbery. women say that there is no such thing as bad sex for a man because we can always cum. da shiiiit.
women say: we don’t always cum and atleast you came.
i say: came where? over to your house to get this sorry assed knutt and sometimes not even that. you lazy sum ma ma…..
unfortunate but at the end of the day we are all ho’s (in a sense) just with different price tags.
remember this fellas:
The begging tongue and fleeting pocket are to busy in pursuit to ever be truly sought after.
seek after the greatest in all things but not so much that you lower your own value in being sought after.
sometimes you must sacrifice what’s better for what’s best.
genius khan has left the planet.
i’ll be back before you had a chance to miss me.
I need a shot of tequilia just too marinate on all of this…the courtship dance is just that ITS A DANCE. Men and women don’t and should not use the same “language” to pursue, signal interest and and be “caught”.
You can chase a man by NOT CHASING HIM. You can signal interest by NOT doing most of the calling. Perhaps this will give us ladies the opportunity to learn about what makes us special, besides our secret garden (“circa Al B Sure and them).
Also I agree with other posters that men need to be put on rosters. We slow the party down TOO damn fast for a man who hasn’t even proven himself.
“Multi-task” dat azz.”
tee shirts anyone???
“Multi-task” dat azz.”
tee shirts anyone???
hmmm…maybe
I likes a good multi-tasker!
::snicker::
@Champ
You’re awfully testy today…was it my keyboard infraction..can I get a bible passage if I can’t get a tee shirt…damn!!!
“@Champ
You’re awfully testy today…was it my keyboard infraction..can I get a bible passage if I can’t get a tee shirt…damn!!!”
lol…i’m sorry. i had a 5 hour curriculum meeting today at work. i guess you can say i’m a bit on edge.
**gives comeback girl apologetic hug, while keeping chin up so he doesn’t sneak an ass peek**
**gives comeback girl apologetic hug, while keeping chin up so he doesn’t sneak an ass peek**
I’m proud of you for trying but I know you peeked, cause I know you
Hedo …I was just about to ask for a bible scripture…but yall messed it up with the ass thing…
welll maybe we’ll do negro spirituals tomorrow.
I can’t agree with you, Genius Khan, more. I KEEP telling my brethren we need to put more value on our jimmies, fa real. Too many women out there think that men are just suppose to crumble and succomb to the power of the p-u-s-s-y.
“I’m comin’ atcha like this / Cause your pussy ain’t no more important than my dick, miss”
-Willie D “I’m Not A Gentleman” (1991)
Sex should never be used as a reward. Both parties are getting something out of the deal.
“Sex should never be used as a reward. Both parties are getting something out of the deal.”
***pastor & wife anniversary***
***pastor & wife anniversary***
LMAO! You know something… I was on your side before…but now I really do think you need to just stay in the corner. LOL!!!!!!!!!!
I’d like to take my poms poms out and do a cheer for “pen*s power”.
“I guess what I’m saying is that you have to give some inclination that you’re interested before the guy chalks you up as a loss.”
yeah…if someone is playing “hard to get” too long she just won’t get got.
It’s a fine line between being coy and completely unavailable.
This was the original title for, ” A Thin Line Between Love and Hate” until the producers realized it was a terrible title for a movie.
Shut up!!!!
I am all for phone calls. I have a 3 message rule. If I leave a guy 3 messages over any given period of time and he does not return my call, I assume he is not interested. I delete his number and keep it moving.
And will someone please, please, please tell me what the hell is the deal with all the damn text messaging. I am all for a few text messages and the occassional IM conversation, but who said it was ok to ask me out on a date via text message!!
That drivs me nuts and a guy can rest assured I will not be responding to that request. I will tell him to call me when he gets a chance it he doesnt then….ah well to that.
“That drivs me nuts and a guy can rest assured I will not be responding to that request. I will tell him to call me when he gets a chance it he doesnt then….ah well to that”
I actually am trying to find a way to disable text on my iphone. The only reason why men are doing it -is because its socially acceptable to women. If we got together and STOP replying to a text date, men wouldn’t ask you out that way.
I’m curious about the 3 message rule. What do you say on the 2nd and 3rd message??
The second message is usually something real casual like ‘Hey, its Suga. Thought about you and realized, I hadnt talked to you in a min. Just calling to see how you are doing and to make sure everything is good with you. Give me a ring. My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx’ The only reason I give the number is because I had a couple of guys actually lose their phone and were unable to return the call because they didnt have the number.
The 3rd messages is a different story. It depends on the type of rapport I have built with the guy. One guy and I had been seeing each other for a couple of months and had a very sarcastic/asshole-ish kind of rapport so I left him a message and said, ‘Oh so I see your happy ass has decided to ignore my phone calls. This is my 3rd time calling you and leaving a message, after this I am not calling you anymore. Smooches.’ He called back about 5-10 mins later and was like ‘girl you are a hot mess! I have been busy work and shit.’ I told him well you need to let someone know cause you were on Delete Pending Status.
But usually the 3rd message is something along the lines of ‘Hey, I hadnt heard from you in awhile. Hope everything is well. Hit me up when you get a min or whenever I cross your mind. Smooches.’
“The only reason I give the number is because I had a couple of guys actually lose their phone and were unable to return the call because they didnt have the number”
you better than me….I’d be like “if this man is really tryna holla and he “lost his phone”…he better go searchin through his phone bill to find it.”
I’ve had business contacts and relatives who I REALLY NEEDED TO FIND. Girl I’mma calling the phone company and asking for a reprint of my bill for the month the number “went missing”
@Comback girl. I am with you! You have access to your detailed phone bills online for a year. Even if you lost your phone, you DID NOT lose your account. **rolling my eyes hard**
If you want to find my number, you will! Hell, if I am feeling you, I might even excuse a stalker pop-up.
Thats right if a man is lookin…he may even google and call your mama. No excuses. No excuses.
This is the way I look at it, I don’t lie about my name. If your phone, got stolen, dropped, lost, committed seppuku and you wanted to get in touch with me GOOGLE my name, I work for the state so my work information comes up. I’m the first two options listed for my name when you google me. I would be impressed if you told me that you did that and give you a second chance based on the effort you made to get back in touch with me.
“I have a 3 message rule. ”
mine is 2, and i really had to convince myself to change it to 2 from 1. there’s no way in hell i’m leaving someone i’m just dating 3 messages without a call-back, lol.
actually, now that i think about it, its 1 call, 1 message, and maybe a follow up call (but no message). yeah…one message is enough. i’m a grown-ass man….what do i look like leaving multiple voicemails??
The only reason it is a 3 message rule is because I take in to account my inability to check my vm on a regualar basis. I just hate doing it. For instance, right now I have 28 new vm messages. I have told myself when it gets to 30 I will check them.
30?? dang imma need you to make checking messages your weekend project!!! THIS WEEKEND!!!
crazy as hell!!
I’m the same way…it’s get to like 20 before i force myself to check them…and sometimes i find my phone calling the voicemail on it’s own. *eerie *
i do the 1 phone call 1 message and 1 follow-up and no message too Champ but i like to encourage the ladies who go a lil further to keep up the good work. it’s not often women don’t display a sense of entitlement. LOL! thats’ some grown ass mayne shit you’re talking. LMAO!
“And will someone please, please, please tell me what the hell is the deal with all the damn text messaging. I am all for a few text messages and the occassional IM conversation, but who said it was ok to ask me out on a date via text message!!”
I’m with you here. I hate how text messages have taken over interpersonal communication. I know a dude who’s girl texts him from inside their home.
I’d never ask a chick out on a date via text. Now, a homing pigeon? That right there is the new hot shit. My pigeon’s name is Aguilera.
I will only go back on forth on text with anyone a max of 3 texts. Anything more than that requires a convo, and especially not to ask anyone out. That’s so tacky. Have we lost all common sense?
LOL! I don’t even respond to those types of texts…especially from new dudes. Then they’ll call talking about “I texted you and you didn’t respond!” Texting is for “I’m on my way” or “just saying hey” or “be there at 6.” I just don’t enjoy tapping on an itty bitty keyboard for longer than 30 seconds when I have all these minutes on my plan!
and just because we have a lot of minutes on our plan doesn’t mean everybody does or that we should spend them gabbing about things we could share via text unintrusively.
being on the phone talking demands a lot of undivided attention. that’s probably why it’s against the law in some states to talk on the phone and drive. texts allow you to respond convienently. you can afford to have some dead space in between comm. it also allows you to think about what you are saying. how do you know what you think if you dont read what you write. all communication shouldn’t require voice to voice phone calls. just one black mans opinion.
Well on the flip side I don’t want to pay xtra for a big texting plan as it’s not a necessity. And I can talk & drive but sure can’t text and drive.
Texting as it’s used now has been around for what, 5 years? Now all of a sudden actual talking is too intrusive? LOL…ok do what you do.
@K. Most dudes don’t have a lot of minutes. I don’t know why, they just don’t. That is the only reason I allow the text messaging game to take place.
How do you know what ‘most dudes’ have? If you enjoy texting, that’s cool do you.
Elenda…you’re hilarious but so on point. Our brothas do have a shortage on the minutes and/or plan variety. I met a dude once who gave me his # with the explanation that it was cut off until he could put some more money on it…yep a ‘to go’ phone. (uh…next) Back in the day all they had was a pager and a disconnected house phone. (lol)
The shit drives me crazy. I am like dude it is called text message NOT text conversation.
“My pigeon’s name is Aguilera” that should be a tattoo on your chest… lol
“know a dude who’s girl texts him from inside their home. ”
this sounds like some christie shit
@PJ. ” know a dude who’s girl texts him from inside their home. ” Me and mine texts for different rooms. LOL. We usually do it when we are mad at each other though.
“We usually do it when we are mad at each other though.”
Eff that. If I’m mad at you I don’t want to talk to you. In any way, shape or form.
@Miss T-lee. Hell, I need to know if you are going to take the damn dog out before I jump in the shower. And, why you playing, I am quick to ask for something via text message “ummmm, could you go to the store and get us some wine?”
Hilarious.
Me and mine email when we are mad @ Elenda
Yours is 3? Mine is only 2…lol
3 messages? that’s two too many.
ok let me clarify this 3 message rule. this is not for the guy i just met a week or so ago. this is only when I have been dealing with a dude for a while(couple of months) and am really feeling him. This is only when we have established what appears to be a path to a relationship and things start to look a little shady. And it is done over an extended period of time. It is not at Tues, Wednes, Thurs of the same week kind of deal.
This is not done with the cutie I met this week at the BP while we both bitched about the cost of a tank of gas.
But still, whether you’ve known a man for 3 days or 3 months, if he doesn’t call back after message 1, he just doesn’t really want to talk to you. I just chalk it up.
I guess since I know I dont check messages or return calls regularly I give a little extra room on this one. I hate feeling like I am a slave to my vm or phone. Sometims I just dont feel like answering the damn thing. Anyone who knows me knows if you really want to talk to me you better call back or send a text to get my attention.
ok K. i hope that all your oppurtunities and fukupz from now on come with only 1 strike. have a nice….
naw not really but you see the point.
every situation needs to be judged on it’s own merit. hard and fast rules get ur ass kicked hard and fast.
loosen up find some reprieve.
Screw all that. If someone leaves me a voicemail and I don’t call them back it’s b/c I don’t wanna talk to their azz.
That’s how women get all caught up – by trying to see the nuances in every situation. Sometimes a spade is a spade and you need to just keep it moving.
K pops off: “Screw all that. If someone leaves me a voicemail and I don’t call them back it’s b/c I don’t wanna talk to their azz.”
aight wit ya bad ass. live by the sword die by that mu fu**a too.
ok K. i hope that all your oppurtunities and fukupz from now on come with only 1 strike. have a nice….
“aight wit ya bad ass. live by the sword die by that mu fu**a too.”
LMAO! Yo man, you are funny mofo for real!!!!!
YESS!! I met a guy in the club, and the mofo never called me. He text me the next day talm bout “so what do you do? what r your likes?” MOFO, how bout you CALL me instead of tryna find out bout my inner AWESOME via text. I cussed him out and told him that if he couldn’t just call me, then he can’t see me.
I hate people.
“tryna find out bout my inner AWESOME ” I’m going to borrow this but I promise to cite you when I use it.
‘I hate people’
lololol. This used to be my slogan.
I say this daily.
I’m starting to believe it though.
yeah. me too.
Word. I, too, hate people. I still utilize a landline in addition to the cell. So, if I met someone I think I may be interested in I give the home number. For me, it makes sense because you have my undivided attention when you talk to me on the home phone. Cellular access is reserved for the inner circle, folks I don’t care about hounding me at any giving moment. That said, a sista misses out on opportunities because the brotha I thought had potential texted the house phone. Troll. How do I know this? Cause I’ve run into cats months after the fact tells me that I’d be texted. Maybe it’s a good way to avoid fuckery…
I have a 3 msg rule too. It’s a 3 vmail/3 missed call rule. If I call u 3 times in a row and no answer or callback, I just stop calling. Might delete your number too.
I will leave ONE voicemail message, and usually only in response to a missed call…I give my number out so I don’t have to make the first call…if you never call, you weren’t that interested and would have ended up in the “DNA” section of the phone in a week or so anyway…
your 3 phone call rule seems reasonable Sug. me likes it a lot. i don’t think this is typical behavior for a woman but it’s just too dam good for yourself.
texts are smooth for me because they are unintrusive. people can get back to you at their convienence. takes the pressure off of on the spot responses. i tend to like this because witches like to call me and attempt to paint me in a corner. e.g.
trickwitch
hey u, what you doin?
khan
not a whole lot, what’s good?
trickwitch
that’s good. where r u?
khan
i’m in my drawers, where are u?
trickwitch
ha, ha, very funny, im in my panties. are u at home/work/restaurant etc.?
khan
why wussup?
trickwitch
well where are you? …cause i was gonna let you meet me @ whereeverthefux or cum by……..
khan
hey ahh, hey let me…. let me hit you back.
Suga Suga i don’t have a problem talking on the phone to someone when their is good purpose but a lot of times it’s smoke and mirrors, hidden agendas and bullshit. if we don’t know each other well then yeah a phone call may be better for letting you know what i’m planning on doing and asking if you’d like to join. …but if i know ya what’s wrong with a text that asks if you want to meet me at suchandfux? …or a text just to shoot the shit and keep in touch. do tell?
believe me you might love to receive some of the words i could write just for u.
“texts are smooth for me because they are unintrusive” I live by this.
When I text and he (whoever he may be at that time) doesn’t get back to me immediately its not a big deal, or we can engage in some banter if he is available, if it starts to get to the point where either one of us need further explanation regarding the texts then we call. I don’t mind the text invite. I do however feel it doesn’t replace the sound of his voice.
Hedo you deserve to hear his voice if no particular situation DEMANDS a call. i promise you do. salute!
and he deserves to hear mine
“I do however feel it doesn’t replace the sound of his voice.”
this is why we get along so good…it’s a convenient compliment to actual VERBAL interaction…
***lent***
@IH. I guess I am a text hoe because if a nigga don’t hit me back in 60 seconds (after I text) I got a serious attitude. And don’t let us be texting and that nig disappear for about 5 minutes. It’s a wrap. Yeah, I’m crazy and I know I am addicted to my crackberry. SO?
@ Elenda, we are Kindred spirits, I’m a text whore too. LOL!!
“don’t let us be texting and that nig disappear for about 5 minutes.” I hear you, I hate when that happens.
@Elenda, yup, you are so addicted to that crackberry. Sending texts while on vacation and at Screen on the green (lol). You should invest in their stock.
Now to comment on text messaging, that’s just another tool for cheaters to add to their bags of tricks. Sending a quick text or two is cool, but an hour conversation through text is pushing it unless ur at work or church. Its also another way to avoid talking to that person. Its way too impersonal, don’t get me wrong sometimes it comes in handy, but a quick phone call can get straight to the point and keep it moving. It makes me want to pull my hair out when people text me a question that requires a 5 paragraph letter through text messaging (ahhhhhhhhh)
@Ny. I agree to a certain extent. I am a fan of texting when it’s with my BFF or when I am in areas that I can’t talk. Now I don’t text when I am in church, that is where I draw my line. LOL
You are right about it being a extra tool for cheaters (rolling my eyes) but real texters like myself know when it is a cheating conversation or when it is not.
i think booty calls work better as texts
FIRED.
If you can seal the deal via a phone call a text isn’t gonna work either.
^^
Can’t.
“believe me you might love to receive some of the words i could write just for u.”
(swoooooon)
sih like this^^^^ is why I enjoy texting…
Yeah, the being painted into a corner shit is for the birds. Texts are great when they’re used properly.
Where were you guys with this 6 weeks ago!!! Coulda saved some people some hurt feelings….then again maybe not!
I digress though, for me, all of these rules apply and I was just telling a lady friend how someone near and dear to her effed up with me along these lines….overaggressive and pressed is NOT a good look….
1,2, and 4 especially will get you called crazy by all sorts of people who haven’t met you….
I think one message is good enough 3 is stalkerish
Um yeah I don’t even have a one message rule. She needs to see missed calls. I will call twice if she can not see that missed call and call me back. Dah Well. I don’t do voicemails.
I hate when men don’t leave a message.
I don’t check my VM regularly…I prefer text msgs if I really wanted something…quick and to the point…9 times out of 10 the voicemail just says “call me when you get this” anyway…but I will leave ONE…and if I see a prospect called…then I will check it to see how he expresses himself…
I fuggin hate the “hey cutie, it’s ME…hit me back…one!”…ni99a really? do you think you are that much of a standout that I know WhoTF “me” is? booooooo!!!
“I don’t do voicemails”
ok I think you should atleast do one voicemail. You can’t see a missed call when the phone is off. I don’t have a car charger so when my phone dies and im out and about its a rap, how am I gonna know you called if you don’t leave a message….
Well if she has Sprint I can hit that trusty 2 button and send a numaric page. Lol.
If the phone is off it usually goes str8 to voicemail. In that case it just depends on how hard I am feeling the chick if I leave a message or not. I just generally do not leave voicemails unless it is a business call.
If you didn’t leave me a message I would assume you started to call and got into something and couldn’t talk. If you leave a message I would at least know why you were calling.
**INSIGHT** Some women, save men’s VM so they can here the voice later.
here = hear
**I type to fast, my brain catches up later**
Totally guilty of that one…All the time!
Hedo how bout, i call and didn’t get an answer and when it rolled to voice mail i opted not to leave a message (no ones dead, i can always call back if you dont 1st) or is the only reasonable alternative that you: “…would assume you [I] started to call and got into something and couldn’t talk.”
Insight: saving a mans’ voice message just to hear it later is just the thing that sounds good initially in a relationship and begins to sound way shityy later. (for instance when you bring up how he used to do something loosely realted to the call you saved and now he doesn’t and you’ve got his voicemail to remind YOU) irritating to that man and probably you 2.
@ Genius K~I have no problem with your hypothetical so long as we are able to speak at some point later that day/week. In general though if every time you get my voice mail you don’t leave a message. I don’t like that, its like you on some ole mission impossible/secret service/CIA don’t want your voice recorded mess.
I try (keyword “try”) not to bring up past shit. **whispering in Genius ear*** when I save a man’s voice its usually for my personal use later. So GK when you call, leave a message
What is my phone is turned off, dead or I dont have a signal?
You should leave a msg b/c you never know if the person is in a bad signal area or what have you. Cell phones are far from perfect (especially if you have Sprint lol).
*Suga slowly backs away from the group hoping no one notices her Sprint Employee badge*
a couple of good things about sprint, their sprint business PLANS and you. and i’m not exactly sure about you. btw, sprint screwed nextel right on up.
Yup! It’s best to leave a message in case the person didn’t see your call. I’ve gotten into arguments with people who swear they called or sent a text, but it never came through.
Mikki from Remax, 3 calls in a day might be stalkerish, its dam sure impatient if you left a message. …but say over a week or 2, not bad. i’m cool wit that. it shows some patience and interest and hopefully you had a life in between those 3 calls. anything could be happening with a phone as people have mentioned. oh yeah and f**k sprint
“He was just going to break up with you later anyway for a chick who held out.”
Say it again Sammy!!! If I hear one more lying ass chick say how she’s screwing some dude she just met to get hers, I’m going to go off and start wearing lime green suits with clear shoes (go crazy)! Chicks lie. They seriously think if they give it up early and often, under the guise of getting theirs, their platinum yak is gonna make dude want to be in a relationship with them. Nine times out of ten, while he’s getting the easy skut from Easy Chick, he’s thinking, “Yeah but why won’t Hold Out Sally give me the time of day?” His ass will be sitting there with Easy Chick looking off in the distance. Easy Chick will be assuming he’s trying to figure out how much of an engagement ring he can afford to buy her. But nope. His ass is thinking about Hold Out Sally. Obsessing even.
“I’m going to go off and start wearing lime green suits with clear shoes (go crazy)!”
You are from the D. That shit sounds like normal behavior.
haha im from Detroit and I don’t have lime green nothing!!
Sure you don’t.
Seriously!!!
“haha im from Detroit”
Is this the property owning Mikki ? who is also a RE ??
lmao comeback uhhh yea its me why you had to go n blow my cover lol.
incognegro…you are rather uncensored this way…but you aint foolin me k???
well actually you did for a couple of days. The “d” was a dead giveway. Please give my regards to Dwele.
Mikki if you don’t have lime green something and you’re from the Dusty D, D-Rock then perhaps you’re an implant. If ur born and raised in the motor city and don’t have lime green anything i bet you got orange or some loud ass yellow. …and dammit go buy some lime green bra and panty sets then. the key is to match shit in an overbrearing fashion. now go ahead for Christ sake, you’re from the D.
“haha im from Detroit and I don’t have lime green nothing!!”
i dont believe you/ you need more people
Aye, all folks from the ‘D’ aren’t like that. There’s a LOT, but not all.
*hollering* “DETROIT WHAT!!”
lol…this is true…if Easy Skut is trying to “build” with the dude…and funny ish about Hold Out Sally…once he taps that…he will probably get bored or lose interest in her too…her dance was just more interesting…
moral of the story…learn to DANCE ladies…
@ Good this whole time I have been thinking. The mating ritual is very much like a complicated Tango.
Damn I need to sign up for some Tango lessons
It’s such a double standard though. Why is it okay for men but not women? I’m the type to wait but I don’t get this logic. If 2 people are feeling each other, why is there this hold-out rule?
It’s a double standard, but a guy might think that if a woman didn’t hold out for him, she probably didn’t hold out for anyone else.
<ebonics>and um… what that got to do with anything? </ebonics>
asked rhetorically… sort of.
“and um… what that got to do with anything? ”
I don’t think it would be a double standard if there were a legit answer to that question.
“It’s a double standard, but a guy might think that if a woman didn’t hold out for him, she probably didn’t hold out for anyone else.”
seriously though, the older you get, this becomes less of an issue. shit i cared about when i was 21 (“damn…i wonder if she bangs everyone after just two dates”) i could care less about now.
Same here. I’m 29 now and don’t want to know. Anything that happened before is not an issue. When I was 21, it was a different story.
People still hold out??
Being the equal opportunity employer that I am, I feel like this is the game you have to play with brothas. Even if you knew the moment that man breathed in your general direction, you’d let him tag it, you can’t do it. BUT the non-brothas…omigod…if you are vibing and you are feeling each other…within a month, the goodie will be given up AND you’ll have a boyfriend!!! With brothas you gotta hold out for like 6 years, so that man will feel special.
I used to date more than 1 guy at a time in college, but now I’m so busy that I don’t have time so I’ll date 1 guy if I’m into him. Guys send a lot of mixed messages. There was this one dude that I was seeing and we completely hit it off in the beginning. We saw each other every day and spent so much time together. We had so much in common and instantly clicked from the second that we met. I hung out with his family and his boys. I’m the type that usually takes a while to start really feeling a guy so it threw me off. After a couple of months, it went downhill and no explanation. I would hear from him every couple of weeks and I had no idea why. I wish guys would just be upfront about what they’re feeling.
That’s just a situation where he was feeling you in the beginning, but for whatever reason that changed so he bailed. I think we’ve all been on both sides of that coin before, which is why I continue to meet guys and date even if I’m feeling the current dude.
Yeah I’ve been on both sides of that too. This one felt different because he was planning a lot for our future so I took it more seriously. We were together for the first month but then went back to school in different states (he was in Florida and I was in New York) and the long-distance was hard.
These rules would have been more helpful if this site existed while I was in college…and for the first 6 years after college. (yes, 6 i’m hard-headed) This is when I played myself the most. In fact #1, 2, 3 and 5 were my middle name. I never did 4 because a friend of mine in college did this repeatedly and she was labeled a stalker. (actually she was a stalker, but let’s move on)
I’m still guilty of #1 and will be until the day I die. It’s the English Lit major in me. And #5 I’m working on, but doesn’t that actually require you to meet people that are worthy of a Denny’s all nighter and a french toast slam? (sorry folks I don’t do IHOP, the ATL ruined it for me).
*On a side note, Panama do you remember Guy-Hop in Atlanta? I have some really foul memories of that joint that have forever ruined that restaurant and my palette.*
Which one would that be? You can’t be talking about the infamous North Avenue IHOP. That might have been my absolute favorite entertainment spot during my 4 years of college…actually, make it 3 since that shit closed down b/w my junior and senior year. It’s the only IHOP i’ve been to where the 40-year old female manager actually packed a gat in her pants for everybody to see. And I’m so not joking.
yes…the North Avenue IHOP. that sh*t was nasty. although it was frequented alot bcuz it was so close to the clubs and wherever i happened to be during freaknic. We called it Guyhop because so many trannys worked there. During my freshman year my date went to go use the bathroom after seeing two men exit and found a used piece of plastic wrap in lieu of a condom. I guess necessity really is the mother of invention.
To this day, esp. in diners, I always hold the community syrup & ketchup containers with a napkin bcuz I’m never certain what sticky substances I’m actually touching…I’m working on this.
“To this day, esp. in diners, I always hold the community syrup & ketchup containers with a napkin bcuz I’m never certain what sticky substances I’m actually touching”
thank you for skeeving me out to the point that I will walk with my own syrup from this point forward.
You and me both.
And I like that butter pecan syrup.
I am UPSET!!!!
found a used piece of plastic wrap in lieu of a condom
FYI–I just threw up on my keyboard. thanks…
found a used piece of plastic wrap in lieu of a condom
FYI–I just threw up on my keyboard. thanks…
shit, i think my monitor just threw up on me
LMAO!!!
“found a used piece of plastic wrap in lieu of a condom”
And then women wonder why they get vaginal infections/situations
the original disco dinner @ Miss Patterson. Those were the days!!!! It was a nasty, nasty place but always packed. What about Majestic after the Star bar. Can a sistah get a holla back? Well maybe not. Not many sistahs in the Star bar, but cheap azz drinks. Well back in the day; haven’t been there in years!! I love the A
oh snap! whatchu know about the StarBar? I used to go there with a friend of mine who was super rock-a-billy. Next door was the greatest pub of all time…The Brewhouse Cafe…that’s where I first started to watch soccer or at least pretend to…
Holla to the A-town OG’s. Yea yeahaaaa!! Whatch know about the Brewhouse Cafe!! ok, ok I got one for you…The African Brown Bag in Rio mall. Across from Lettuce surpise you.
Listen I went to the brew for free drinks, but when I was just chillin with the folks it was Neighbors all the way!!!!
whoa! i was just telling my girl that i feel like i unlocked a whole portion of my brain that was filled with suppressed atl memories. Rio Mall?! daaayem homie. i only went there a handful of times but you just took me back in time. Lettuce Surprise You!- i loved that spot. btw…i still say “yea yeahaa & dooo eyyyy”…but i usually sound like a fake rapper.
Nut did u know Youngbloods upstairs in Rio Mall?
Maybe @ Genius. It sounds familiar.
isn’t this spot now a 24 hour chinese food buffet or something?
@ tiffany: Yeah, I think it’s called the Mandarin House or somethin’ like that. Before then, it was called the Disco Diner. Needless to say, I haven’t been inside that joint since it was Club IHOP.
hey folks…
first of all…I would like to let my VSB luvmuffins know that the sobbing, snot slangin truck runner after-er called me out the orange (even more random than “out the blue”) last night to give me his new cell #..as if I used the old one…(rolling my eyes) I think ur laughing at his antics conjured him up!
now…to todays joint…LUVITMANE! I learned all this ish the hard way and I still catch myself slipping on my own pimpin as it were… this superwomans kryptonite is still a creative, culturally aware gentleman that challenges and stimulates my mind…dudes w/ game can smell that sweet power coming a mile away and groom their representative to meet those needs… even though I where glasses, I see them…lol…nowadays anyway…
my thing is…I hit it…and lose interest…**shrugging** so since physical attraction is understood, I tell them…”sex is easy, what else you got?”
is amazing how little people know about their non-sexual value… $.02 for real….
“the sobbing, snot slangin truck runner after-er called me out the orange (even more random than “out the blue”) last night to give me his new cell #..as if I used the old one…(rolling my eyes) I think ur laughing at his antics conjured him up!”
That must have been the most annoying thing ever. I hate when I talk someone up clowning him/her and then they show up. It makes me want to stab myself in the eye.
Sorry we laughed him up.
**sending you an e-hug**
BTW:
thanks for my new slogan, “sex is easy, what else you got?”
thanks…it was irritating and thump-worthy all at once…ya see, this is the same dude that made me see the LAWD!! I swear it took alot in me to not be like…ok…just one more time…the thought of him running behind PBJ was enough to ake me laugh my way to sobriety…cuz I had to sober up QUICK on that ish…that “one more time” ish is how stalkers are re-born….
“this superwomans kryptonite is still a creative, culturally aware gentleman that challenges and stimulates my mind”
So you’re kryptonite is a rapper…from France?
I hate you…a rapper from France? really? you suck…and not in a good way!
(rolling eyes and trying to look like I am not laughing)
Man o’ man. I am so here.
Why do women try to analyze every dang action?!?! Like OH he text messaged me at 8am to tell me good morning and he hopes I have a good day … that means he really interested in me right?!?!
I lovehate this phase of meetingdatingdom. I just wanna get to the comfortable part where no one feels they have to prove anything anymore and we can just be happy and in love and shit.
But good list – I shall keep this in mind.
I give no credence to morning texts, I text several people each morning.
Ok Rev Run!!!!!
LOL
I said several not my flock, they get a morning email.
Why was I thinking the same thing? lol
Same here, I just gave an example. I try to out text folks early in the morning.
I think the morning text holds weight with some because it alludes to being one of the first thoughts of the day…I don’t text nobody first thing in the morning…I got too much going on in the AM…but it’s sweet…to me anyway…
*my thoughts*
if you just want some azz, why go out to dinner? Skip right on past Baltic Avenue, and head straight to the Electric Company. yah mean?
Skip right on past Baltic Avenue, and head straight to the Electric Company. yah mean?
This has me crying!!!
gigi asks: “if you just want some azz, why go out to dinner?”
A: sometimes ur right gigi but sometimes i may want some azz at the restaurant. sometimes i like to play with my sex before i devour it. dam woman flash me a crotch shot or something. maybe u wanna give me some knowledge on the way home in the ride. …besides you’re gonna need some fuel for the fury i produce. a quickie is an appetizer and i’m looking forward to that 8 course meal.
get dressed up just to get undressed. i’ll help you luv.
GK…how in baby Jesus’ name do you make pimpin’ look so damn easy?
Salute!
D*stroy, don’t encourage him…
He deserves props though.
@GK…
“…i like to play with my sex before i devour it…”
“…give me some knowledge on the way home in the ride…”
“…get dressed up just to get undressed. i’ll help you luv…”
I was reading this…biting my bottom lip in total agreement…smh…(inhaling…arch in back…exhaling…eyes closed…) total fuggin agreement…am I going to have to start bringing extra boyshorts to work??? damn!
“if you just want some azz, why go out to dinner?”
fuel
that’s what lunch meat and kool-aid is for…going out to dinner is so unnecessary. Actually, i think i would laugh my ass off if someone made me a ham sandwich and then tried to hit it.
bottom line is, men should always have stocked cupboards.
“Actually, i think i would laugh my ass off if someone made me a ham sandwich and then tried to hit it.”
this made me laugh aloud. seriously
If feel like I’m always odd chick out or something in here.
Playboy, you’re gonna hafta spend some change.
Go in the cupboards if you want to.
The offer will be rescinded immediately .
Ok, I’m right with the 5 rules…ladies, we’re doing too much. “Complexity” is a song, it shouldn’t be for the relationship. Sure this too would have saved me about…hmmm…nine months ago because I was “giddy like high school”, but it’s implemented today. The truth is no one is gonna throw all their cards on the table in the first round, we’ve got to take our time…really believe that if it is meant to be it will come to you. Like my best MANfriend said once…”Dating is like poker, you bet the minimum to keep playing to start, then you when the cards start turning in your favor you bet everything you’ve got….that way you’ll always walk away with more than what you started with.”
Unless the competition was pulling a believable bluff the whole time. But that’s just splitting hairs.
Well it would seem that if the competition planned a bluff then the objective would have been to split hairs…right?
Yep and thats why I don’t play poker if that isnt the most “Complex” game there is then I dunno what is
Reading the comments has made me even more thankful for the current crush. He calls me real regularly. I get a little salty if I haven’t heard from him in 36 hours LOL. I will calm down now, thanks.
awww…that’s so cute Liz.
awwww…that is adorable…I know I would be less cynical if I had a dude that was actively in pursuit…but umm…I don’t…so I am happy you’re getting it…
(((hug)))
you go girl!
WOW! Steps 1-5 just sound like “Stay away and don’t call.” Really?? Is that how men really think?? F*CK that! Give me the real!!!!
I need answers to questions like this…
Will a man really drive 2.5 hours to meet you at a hotel and fit the bill if he don’t “like you like that?”
What does it mean when a dude call you all the time and then disappears for 2 days? Was he trying to act “not interested?”
What does it mean when I guy stops showing you affection unless you are boinking?
Bring the REAL advice please!!!!
Will a man really drive 2.5 hours to meet you at a hotel and fit the bill if he don’t “like you like that?”
-first you have to define WTF “like that” is…if by “like that” he means enough to “gal” you…then, maybe not…he’s trying to hit it and the money spent is worth the “prize”…if by “like that” he means enough to sleep with you…then NO…any man that puts forth that kind of time/money/effort is def trying to hit it…
What does it mean when a dude call you all the time and then disappears for 2 days? Was he trying to act “not interested?”
-the first thing that pops into my mind is OWT (other woman treatment) either he has a gal that is getting too close and he has to back off of you as to not get caught, or she’s feeling neglected and he has to concentrate his efforts on her…also could be jail…and unpaid cell bill…a car accident…take your pick…but if he shoots you ghost and then reapperas like his ass never bounced…it’s probably OWT..
What does it mean when I guy stops showing you affection unless you are boinking?
means that he is only interested in you for BOINKING…sorry to be the one to type it…but if he’s only affectionate, during affection…that’s all he’s after…and he’s getting it…
*sighing*
Niggas.
It’s funny how natural that response has become when talking about men.
“Niggas.
It’s funny how natural that response has become when talking about men.”
***Vacation Bible School***
“*sighing* N*ggas.”
LMAO!!!! We men do act “N*gga-ly” sometimes…
On another note can somebody please tell me what “SMH” means? I have spent weeks trying to decode this cryptic code that everyone has been using… I give up.
@D*Stroy. SMH= Shaking my head.
damn…I thought it meant something like “Savory Muhfuggin’ Hamhock.” well, whatever…Good lookin’ out Elenda!
@D*(muhfuggin)Stroy – “Savory Muhfuggin’ Hamhock.” really ni99a? who does that? (pointing at D..) can I get a random drug test on aisle 5?
you’re not alone D*stroy…i just found out what it meant like 2 months ago. It means ‘shaking my head’.
*Shaking My Head*
smh=shaking my head.
@Good. Thanks for breaking my questions down. I had no idea men would go through such lengths for a piece of a$$. I guess I really do take sex for granted it. It just seems like getting a$$ is as easy as drinking water so why jump through hoops for it?
MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY… thats why i get so confused at all the excessiveness of the “g..” its like, you just spend 300+ on a jumpoff? u kno u got some free poon lying around here somewhere.. lmao
“It just seems like getting a$$ is as easy as drinking water…”
****Watch Night Service!****
“****Watch Night Service!****”
Damn! I was gonna use that but you beat me to it.
I been saving them up DIRTY DEUCE DEGREEZ…I gotta be extra on my toes around you clever knee grows!
“DIRTY DEUCE DEGREEZ”
LOL!
***Revival***
“What does it mean when I guy stops showing you affection unless you are boinking?”
because this is the most prominent way we communicate our affection, and we figure if she’s not “reciprocating” she must not be feeling me that much
“because this is the most prominent way we communicate our affection, and we figure if she’s not “reciprocating” she must not be feeling me that much”
***Repass to be held in the basement of Holy Tabernacle Community Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints Episcopalian Anarchist Worshippers***
YOU
ARE
THE
WORST.
*just FYI*
D*Stroy! I almost typed your gov’t name for this one. You get a time out.
dayum you knowd his gobmnt name?
he is a damn fool for this
Yeah. He’s my boi.
***Repass to be held in the basement of Holy Tabernacle Community Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints Episcopalian Anarchist Worshippers***
I fuggin love it!! you just couldn’t help yourself huh? I wonder how long you been holding that on in… lol
(psssttt @Degreez…what’s his gubmint name??)
I caint do dat. He has to tell you. But I can give you a hint. It’s starts with the letter D.
It’s=It
***Repass to be held in the basement of Holy Tabernacle Community Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints Episcopalian Anarchist Worshippers***
classic, lol
“Repass to be held in the basement of Holy Tabernacle Community Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints Episcopalian Anarchist Worshippers”
This should be a VSB t-shirt off of merit alone.
“because this is the most prominent way we communicate our affection, and we figure if she’s not “reciprocating” she must not be feeling me that much”
Now at what time and place do you ask her why she’s holding out?
“Now at what time and place do you ask her why she’s holding out?”
see, the problem with that question is that no guy wants to actually ask it (for fear of being labeled a “whiner”) because seemingly no woman wants to hear it, so, you just get stuck making some assumption
its not a problem if you’ve never had sex with the guy before, but seriously women, if you’re having consistent sex with someone, and you cut him off just to make a point, f*ck benchwarmer status, your ass is either getting waived or traded for a 2nd round pick and some chicken.
“its not a problem if you’ve never had sex with the guy before, but seriously women, if you’re having consistent sex with someone, and you cut him off just to make a point, f*ck benchwarmer status, your ass is either getting waived or traded for a 2nd round pick and some chicken.”
So that’s what happened.
Excellent list, especially #3 part two. Hard to put into action sometimes, but definitely worth it when you do.
This post is very true. If you are not in a committed relationship always keep your options open. If he is really digging you then you won’t have any questions about it. It will show in his actions. If you have to question it then he must not be feeling you that much. A man knows how to show a woman he cares about her. If you decide to be intimate with him before you know were you stand with him accept the ‘rules of the game/dating’ that he might move on because he got what he wanted.
There are ‘rules to the game/dating’ if you don’t know then I would advise not to play. It can get crazy…lol
Number 5 shoulda been number 1 to me
I’m not as eloquent as most of you all- here’s my story:like to hear it? here it goes—This guy wouldn’t call -much. One time he said you’re the first person I call when I’ve got time. I won’t lie- I was feeling him. I wanted to be his one. Since I’m not lying and all…I waited for over a year for him to throw a bone, a piece of crumb at me. He’s sweet, edumacated, thoughtful and all that. I just wanted some more communication and maybe a little more together time. I did not want to monopolize his time..cuz I still need “me” time. But he was focused on his career. I cheered him on in his career goals. But after a year of not getting enough attention I decided that’s not what I wanted. I wanted him but just a little more time. It’s been a year later and well-he’s the standard that I unfortunately compare “all” the others to (minus the I’m busy all the effing time) I guess I learned I need to be patient but at the same time I learned that I still want communication and together time.
“it’s been a year later and well-he’s the standard that I unfortunately compare “all” the others to (minus the I’m busy all the effing time) I guess I learned I need to be patient but at the same time I learned that I still want communication and together time.”
I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news…but it sounds like ‘he’s just not that into you’. I think that people make time for what the really care about, and if this guy really wanted to be with you he would make more time. period.
I know its really hard to face that, but its not about you at all. Someone out there, will be really into you and waiting around on this guy will just keep you from seeing what we call in real estate, a ready buyer!
oh it’s over. it’s been over. I sent him away a long time ago even when I wasn’t sure if that’s what I wanted for myself but-somewhere deep down inside I knew it was best for me. Yes, he wasn’t that into me. Clearly I know this–now LOL
“You know, the stage after you meet but before you play put the lime in the coconut and twist it all around.”
hysterical!