Yes It’s True…Black Guys Can Like White Girls AND Black Girls Too

Posted on 12/21/2011 by The Champ

Do you realize that being seen with you means I can never go to the Essence festival again? Damn you cavewoman! Damn you!!!!

A week or so ago, our favorite least favorite (and newly single) professional athlete was spotted at The Watch The Throne concert with professional wifey Sanaa Lathan. Now, whether they just happened to run into each other there or were filming Loving Brown Sugar Basketballs Just Wright has yet to be determined, but apparently they were quite cozy. So cozy in fact that they were reported to be togethertogether, a rumor Lathan quickly shut down.

From her Twitter feed

Can a girl have some fun at a jayz/kanye concert w/out being linked 2 a breakup? I AM NOT, NEVER HAVE BEEN, INVOVLED W/KOBE IN ANY WAY.

Whether they’re actually an item or not doesn’t matter to or interest me. They’re both rich, famous, black, and named after yoga poses, so I guess they’d be a good match. What does interest me, though, is the assumption that Kobe wouldn’t touch Sanaa in a million years, a sentiment she reiterated in her next tweet.

@justsanaa: Anybody who pays attention knows I’m not his type… Blank stare. #blackgirlsrock #dontbelievethelies¹

What exactly was she getting at? I mean, we’re all pretty certain that, despite his propensity for prolonged bitchassness, Kobe isn’t homosexual. He definitely does like women, so why wouldn’t he be interested in a woman as good-looking as Sanaa Lathan?

Ohhh, I get it now. Kobe was married to a non-black woman for a decade. This must mean that he’s definitely, automatically, unequivocally, and unquestionably not attracted to black women at all.

Now, I don’t know Kobe at all. He may very well hate black women with the white hot heat of 1000 AKA thongs. His favorite movies might be “The Imitation of Life,” “Othello,” and “Jungle Fever,” and his favorite animal might be the panda bear. Who the hell knows? I do know, though, that the widely held “fact” that if a black man dates outside of his race, it automatically means he’s not into black women is completely f*cking wrong.

Admittedly, I do understand where this sentiment comes from and why it’s so widely held. Centuries of having to deal with people like Satoshi Kanazawa can produce a circle-the-wagons mentality where any affront to black women’s desirability — real or perceived — is met with immediate rebuke. Also, there are some black men who, as soon as they reach a certain status level, put sistas on permanent ”ignore.” (This doesn’t happen as often as many of us think it does, but it does happen.)

Thing is, this theory ignores two vital facts.

1. Proximity and availability are easily the two most important factors when men are choosing mates. If you see a black man with a non-black women, 9 times out of 10 it’ll be because she happened to be around, happened to be single, and happened to be interested in him. That’s it. No self-loathing. No hatred of black skin. No angry tweets about Michelle Obama’s gums.

And, most importantly…

2. Women are all the same.

Now, I’ve made no secret of my love, adoration, and admiration of black women. I’m completely attracted to and infatuated with them. Sistas are the sh*t and sh*t. But, when it comes down to what makes a woman a woman, I also do realize that black women, white women, Asian women, Hispanic women, Indian women, aboriginal women, and women from Detroit aren’t really all that different. Sure, from an individual perspective they all have their own personal quirks and characteristics and nuances, but collectively all chicks are pretty much the same. (I feel the exact same way about men, btw. Despite my world-renowned awesomeness, there’s really no difference between me and some random New Zealand-ass n*gga.)

I’m bringing this up because, once you realize that women aren’t really all that different from each other, you start to see how a man could be equally attracted to Jill Scott and Natalie Portman. (If you think this is too far-fetched of a comparison, you obviously don’t know me very well, and you obviously didn’t click on those last two links) In fact, you start to understand how a man could date/marry a white women even if he’s still much more attracted to sistas. Sh*t, I love female teachers, but that doesn’t mean that I’d never date a lawyer. (That last analogy was much more clever in my head than it is on screen, but I think you get my point.)

Anyway, people of VSB.com, I’m curious: When you see a black man with a non-black woman, do you automatically assume he’s just not that into sistas? Do you think you’re right to feel that way? If so, why, and how many hugs did you miss as a child?

¹This tweet has since been deleted

—The Champ

Beating Dead Horses: An Honest Assessment About Why I Couldn’t Date A White Woman

Posted on 06/01/2011 by Panama Jackson

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"Wait, we can't even watch the movie together and you think I'm going to TAKE you down there? Ninja please."

Nearly every time anybody finds out that my mother is white, the conversation veers towards my dating preferences and if I’d ever date a white woman. And my answer is always no. I usually rifle off some statement about not being rejected by all of the beautiful Black women yet, and while that may be true, that really doesn’t speak at all to any sound, valid based god reasoning.

So one day, while eating things white people eat – like arugula and rosemary paremesan bread – I decided to really think about if there was any good reason aside from disappointing the million sistahs that don’t want me already. And that’s when it happened.

What?

I’m finna tell you, be easy.

So that’s when it happened.

Rick James, b*tch. My iTunes media player randomly played one of my favorite songs ever.

And then the floodgates into my mind’s eye opened and the reasons flowed like champagne at a strip club featuring the talents of future Basketball Wives. Allons-y.

1. I couldn’t dedicate nearly any of my favorite songs to her.

“Ebony Eyes”? Out. Once we break up: “Pretty Brown Eyes (Breaking My Heart)”. Gone. While it’s wholly possible that I could date a white chick with brown eyes, with my luck she’d have green eyes and splicing every time Erick Sermon said “the green eyed-bandit” into a dope song is just not a good idea. So many songs about Black love mention a woman’s brown eyes, which must suck for our sistahs with hazel or green or Thriller eyes.

2. I like to go to exhibits about Black history.

Nearly all of these exhibits haarken back to a time of discord between our two races. And while I’d know beyond the shadow of a doubt that it wasn’t my girl’s fault that things went all the way wrong…maybe, just maybe…she ain’t do enough to prevent it!!!!! True story: I went to go see the America I Am Exhibit while it was here in DC and this man came with his white wife. They started out cool, but over the course of the exhibit they must have gotten into some racially charged argument because they kept arguing…HISTORY…while we were there. It’s almost like he was taking it all personal while she was just trying to see the exhibit. Poor white woman.

3. I’m bald.

This means that I don’t have a comb. But I do have a daugher. And I swear fo’ God and three white men that I’d be the most hairdressingest Black man in America before I let somebody who’s hair acumen is effectively “wet and go” do my daughter’s hair. I’ve seen that with my own two eyes before. It was no bueno.

4. I like to watch bad Black movies.

I like sequels to questionable Black movies like Belly 2, Why Did I Get Married To: That Guy Right Three. And movies with Vivica Fox. I’m only gonna explain front weaves once. Or what if we are watching Precious and she thinks its funny. I mean it is…but I’m Black. After laughter comes tears. SHE should want to go volunteer and make a difference after!

5. I could never own or watch Rosewood again.

I remember the first time I watched this movie. At the home of my white mother and my entire white family. And I was enraged for a solid fifteen minutes. At nobody and everybody. I mean…they kilt Aunt Sarah dead. How am I supposed to tell her that I can never watch a movie again without her WANTING to see why? And then we’d have to watch it…and then we’d be done and what then class??

I couldn’t dedicate any songs to her that I love cuz well, “Pretty Brown Eyes” is out remember? See what I did there?

6. I honestly feel like I’d be disappointing my community.

Why? No good reason. Ridiculous logic? Absolutely. Love is and should be bigger than all of that. But I feel how I feel and I hate pepper because it’s Black. Again, I’m a f*cking walking paradox. No I’m not.

7. Most importantly, I’d have to stop using the n-word. And my n*gga, that’s just too much to ask of one man.

Now, don’t take this as me saying nobody should date outside of their race. Frankly, my dear, I couldn’t give a f*ck less who anybody decides to date as long as it’s not some horse or an ocelot. But these are reasons I’d tell my momma…right before she told me I need to have more diverse dating tastes. Oh, parents.

Anyway, folks of the VSBpora, have you ever actually thought about why you could or couldn’t date outside of your race? Like actual reasons? Do share?

Just say, say, say, what you want.

Posse out.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

****DMV RESIDENTIALISTS: Come celebrate Panama’s B-day on Thursday, June 2, a VSB Happy Hour and Game Night at Tap& Parlour at Bohemian Caverns located at 2001 11th Street, NW (corner of 11th and U) from 530-until. Game 2 will be on the TVs, games will be available, and happy hour prices. It’s a win-win-win.****

No rapture means that God wants you to stay on Earth and purchase the paperback or the $9.99 Kindle version of��Your Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime�

Lastly, we�d like to thank all of you for coming through and nominating us for FIVE Black Weblog Awards. We�re on the final ballot for Best Humor Blog, Best Writing in a Blog, Best Sex & Relationships Blog, Best Group Blog, and Blog of the Year. Please�vote for us here.

10 Ways That Black Women Stay Winning

Posted on 04/27/2011 by The Champ

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It is the season of champions. What do UConn men�s basketball, LeBron James and Charlie Sheen have in common? They are all winning. Do you know who else is winning? White women. More specifically, when it comes to playing for the ultimate title of Wife, white women are the All-Star MVPs

This paragraph is from�“Why White Women Are Winning” — an article published by UPTOWN Magazine last week that gives reasons why white women are, well, “winning” in the game of love�while clearly implying that since white women are winning, black women are definitely losing.

As you probably guessed, this created quite a stir in the black blogosphere. In fact, if you google “white women winning,” the first results page will show five different responses to that article written in the past three days, including “Paper Thin: Why the white women are winning argument is a losing one” from the homie Sister Toldja.

(It’ll also show a thread from Yahoo Answers titled “How can us white men start winning back our women once again from other races” — a topic that proves once and for all that everybody is wrong about everything, all of the time.)

Anyway, while the other responses are a bit more reactive and defensive, I thought I’d go a different direction and list ways that black women are in fact winning.

Here’s 10 of them.

1. They’re usually not the protagonists in super shitty romantic comedies

While some might interpret this as proof that black women aren’t as desirable as the Katherine Heigls and Jennifer Anistons of the world, I tend to look at it a different way. You see, because most romantic comedies revolve around thimble-headed white women making thimble-headed white woman decisions, people who’ve seen enough of these movies can’t help but begin to think that, well, all white women must be thimble-headed. This thimble-headed/silly bitch stigma largely escapes black women, a fact which definitely helps them get high scores while playing Words With Friends.

2. Their “window of bangingness” is much, much longer than all other women’s.

Between the fine wines – women who seem to get better looking as they get older (think Halle Berry), the steadies — women who seem to look exactly the same as they did when they were 25 (think Stacey Dash), the seasoning salts — super fine 20 year olds who are now super fine 40 year olds (think Nia Long), the martians — women whose combination of age, fineness, and proportions defy the laws of the universe (think Kenya Moore), the shirleys – legitimately old women who still look like they’ll wear your ass out (think Jenifer Lewis), and the loomers — women who decided to wait until they were 43 to become dimes (think Regina King), it’s not a game with black women’s “aging well” game.

3. Their relationships with their girlfriends are better than any relationship you’ve ever had with anyone.

While the dynamics of the black female/black female close friendship aren’t always perfect or even understandable (still not clear why many women choose to include women that they clearly abhor in their inner circles. Seriously, I think we’ll learn who else shot Kennedy before we get a good answer to that), the otherworldly connections they seem to have is laudable, commendable, and, to be honest, even enviable.

(If I was an asshole I would have said “They’re laudable, commendable, and enviable..at least until you introduce an appealing man to the equation. Then, all bets and bras are off.” But, since I’m not an asshole, I didn’t say that.)

4. Their hair gives them an easy excuse to not do, well, anything they don’t want to do.

Even if it’s complete bullsh*t, the reverence and respect others have for black women’s hair allows them to use this reverence and respect as a means to cop out of any undesirable task.

Don’t feel like giving head tonight? Just say that the neck motion will make you sweat, and you don’t want to go to work with your hair looking like you were just adopted by a white celebrity.

Don’t feel like staying at work today? Just tell your boss some bullsh*t about how you “need to leave before your ends explode.” Even though he’ll have absolutely no idea what the hell you’re talking about, he’ll let you bounce because he doesn’t want to risk having to go to sensitivity training again.

Don’t feel like staying faithful to your man? Well, every time you visit your secret lover, just tell your man that you’re going to the hairdresser. That’ll give you a 12 hour window to basically do whatever the hell you want, especially since most men prefer not to know why the hell it takes women an entire Wendy’s work shift to get their hair done.

While we’re still on hair, we can’t forget the fact that…

5. They can change their entire identity with one trip to the hairdresser.

While identity changes happen when non-black women switch up their hairstyles, these changes tend to be more superficial. I mean, so you went from blond to brunette and people take you more seriously. Whoopdy f*cking do. That still won’t get you into Heaven. But a black woman can alter everything from the type of music people assume she listens to the types of men who’ll approach her (and what they say when they approach) just from going from perm to natural.

6. Everyone assumes they’re automatically great cooks, great dancers, competent singers, soulful, community-minded, full of wisdom, unflappable, and sincere.

In fact, the only thing black women ever have to “prove” is whether or not she’s angry, able to find a man, able to keep a man, able to think like a man and act like a lady, and able to find the one eligible, attractive, and available man in the sea of HIV-infected, middle school dropout, homosexual atheist rapist goons she has to choose from.

7. They’re given carte blanche to beat their kids in public.

If little “Johnny Whitemommy” took out his d*ck and started peeing on the mannequins in J Crew, the most he’d probably receive from his mom would be a slight scold and a half-assed teachable lesson. (“Remember Johnny, if you pee in public, at least try to pee in the mannequin’s pocket next time so it doesn’t spill everywhere”)

Why? Well, as soon as the first drop of Johnny’s urine hit the ground, the PC police would have been poised and ready to attack; thumbs ready to call CYS on speed dial while they’re paying close attention to how Johnny’s mom reacts.

On the other hand, black women have no such worry, and in a similar situation, they’d be free to drop kick and punt little Jaheim as far as they’d please.

8. Other races of men write songs specifically about them.

From the Rolling Stones’ “Brown Sugar” to Fleetwood Mac/Santana’s “Black Magic Woman,” history is filled with examples of non-black artists writing songs directly inspired by black women. Whether this is fetishization or homage (or somewhere in between) is debatable, but the fact that both of these songs are about 150,000 times cooler than Mighty Casey’s “White Girls” isn’t.

9. They have magical vaginas.

What exactly makes their vaginas magic? Well, that’s the only way to explain how the same woman can produce one kid who looks like Blake Griffin and another who looks like Eddie Griffin.

10. They’re not black men.

Which means that they’re approximately 1752% more likely to stay alive long enough to read this entire list.

Anyway, I’m sure I forgot a few. Can you think of any other ways that sistas stay winning?

The carpet is yours.

—The Champ

***Just in case you missed it, here’s a video recap of “Three Deez” our book signing/anniversary party in D.C. Shout-out to Tim at Jamos Studios for the production***

10 Things You Need To Know If You’re a White Woman Who Wants to Date The Type of Black Man Who’s Only Dated Black Women

Posted on 12/21/2010 by The Champ

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***Before reading today’s entry, I just wanted to let everyone know that “The VSB Files � Episode 006: It�s The Return�Again” — our latest and greatest podcast — is up and ready for mass consumption. Carry on***

From Jezebel’s “This Goldman Sachs Lady Will Teach You How To Date Black Dudes”:

Meet J.C. Davies! She’s a blogger, former investment banker, and the author of a book about inter-racial dating. In it, she addresses questions including, “Are Jewish men really cheap?” and “Are all Indian men well versed in the Kama Sutra?”

I’ll spare you the rest of the article, but I will answer what I’m sure is the most prominent question on everyone’s mind: No, this article wasn’t cross-posted from The Onion. She really does exist (Her book really exists, too) Continue reading →

3 completely practical reasons why he’s with a white woman

Posted on 03/01/2010 by The Champ

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: who knew i’d find true love at the celery garden co-op board meeting?

while i was sitting with a female friend last week at my favorite place to people watch and steal wi-fi, an interracial couple (think of a much shorter, darker-skinned isaiah mustafa� [the old spice commercial guy] with a younger, curvier, taller, and straighter� mariska hargitay) walked in, ordered a couple smoothies, and left.

my friend, who’s usually all kumbaya when it comes to interracial dating, watched them leave, punched me in the shoulder and said:

“champ, if this were a tyler perry movie, this is when my character would roll her eyes and ask you something like “what the hell do brothas see in becky’s?” Then, a keyshia cole song would come on with a slow-motion montage of� black men and white women ice skating and eating ice cream together while a group of sad-looking sistas drank mojitos at the bar by themselves.

anyway, omnipotent relationship guru: even though this aint a movie…give me four good reasons why he’s with her instead of all of this nubian loveliness.”

my answer? (paraphrasing)

1. your breath stinks
2. you just used “nubian” in a sentence
3. she probably smells like almond torte cake
4. he already was with you. you’ve just been with so many men that you can’t remember

although my friend and i were obviously joking, her question stuck with me.

i mean, even considering the fact that you can’t possibly know why some anonymous person chose to be with someone else, and that we all know that black men are much more likely to date black women than “others,” if i had a dollar for every time i’ve read or overheard the “why is he with her?” discussion, i’d have enough to buy the winter olympics a dozen token blacks.

usually, the answers given range from insulting (“cause educated black bitches ain’t shit“) to just plain freakin weird (“white woman never run out of syrup“), fitting into whichever pre-conceived accusatory racial or sexual narrative is popular that week.

but, in every discussion i’ve encountered, they always seem to ignore the three most common (and practical) reasons why he is with a white woman: Continue reading →