5 thoughts about Rape-aXe, the new female condom with teeth (yup. teeth.)

1. south africa has always been a bit ahead of the curve when thinking of unique ways to deter crime. for instance, as a response to a rash of increasingly violent carjackings that plagued that country in the late 90′s, the “blaster” –an anti-carjacking device that shot flames from underneath both front doors if you were being carjacked– was created in 1998 by a south african inventor who apparently decided to take full advantage the country’s lax flamethrower laws (apparently, it’s perfectly legal to own and carry flamethrowers there. yes, flamethrowers. as in “big ass weapons that spit flames at sh*t”. and you thought america’s gun laws sucked.)

while installing a device that shoots liquefied petroleum gas from your car to ward off potential carjackings is like sharpening your hand into a human meat shank to scare muggers, i understand the mindset that leads to someone inventing that. remember, south africa has only been free from apartheid for 16 years. this is also a country where whites still control roughly 90 percent of the wealth, despite only being approximately 9 percent of the population. when you combine this dynamic with rampant unemployment, lawlessness, and a general sense of sexual recklessness, you have a country that shows you what would happen if you put all of america’s fear-based racial issues on crack, smack, meth, and mushrooms. basically, it’s west baltimore with shanties.

anyway, this is exactly the type of socioeconomic climate that leads to a fear-based reactionary thinking where the impractical and short-sighted seems practical. problem with carjackings? duh, just make cars that burn carjackers alive! that’ll fix em. problem with rapes? duh, stupid! just invent Rape-aXe¹, a device that calls for women to insert a contraption with “jagged rows of teeth-like hooks” in their vaginas.

i won’t pretend to be able to grasp the level of emotional, spiritual, physical, mental, and sexual agony a violent rape has on a woman (or man) or the pressure of living in a place where rape is so prevalent (28% of men polled in a medical research study there last year admitted that they had raped a woman before. 28%!!! can you imaging being in a place where almost one out of every three guys is a rapist?), but there has to be a better solution than giving women portable p*ssy piranhas.

2. for those who think i unnecessarily played the race card in the last few paragraphs, i just don’t think it’s coincidental that the inventors of both rape-aXe and the blaster happen to be south african whites. there’s a certain type of subconscious fear that allows a person to think of something so vile and dehumanizing as a response to vile and dehumanizing acts. and, a place like south africa is a perfect breeding ground for that level of latent terror.

3. out of all of the crimes you can commit, sexual assault is the only one with no possible justification. think about it: you can just about justify anything under the right circumstance (“yeah, judge. that army of five year olds would have killed my wife if i didn’t torture their leader for information“), but there’s nothing you can say to make non-consensual sex ok. it’s the world’s only unconditional wrong. i can’t think of any other deed that would qualify.

4. maybe i’m missing something here, but it seems like rape-aXe doesn’t actually stop the rape.

while it might stop a man from finishing, i haven’t seen or read any evidence that it would stop a man from entering. and, once a woman is entered against her will, it’s rape. plus, i’m no rape expert, but i don’t think most rapists do thorough cavity inspections to check for sharpness before they start raping.

i guess you can say that it would serve as a mental deterrent, but i can only see it deterring someone who got got by the vampire condom from doing it again. basically, he’d have to actually rape somebody to stop him from raping again…which sucks for the women serving as sacrificial deterrent lambs.

5. despite the fact that i think this condom with teeth idea is wrapped in a big-ass gang of wrong, i’ll admit that i’d like to be a fly on the wall of the holding cell where all the rapists with latex hyenas stuck to their d*cks are being held, especially since you can’t remove it or even pee without a doctors assistance.

i guess i’m a bit of a sadist afterall. hmmm, maybe i should move to south africa and invent something.

anyway, people of vsb.com, what are your thoughts about rape-aXe? do you think it’ll be a useful deterrent, or just another medieval invention by someone with african castration fantasies? also, would any of the vss’s actually wear one, and would any of the vsb’s advise a woman they care about to?

the carpet is yours

¹am i the only one who thinks “rape-aXe” definitely sounds like a new and intentionally douchy line of axe body spray? sh*t, i could even envision an ad where ben roethlisberger or kobe are standing in a bathroom stall while a voiceover says ” rape-aXe…where “no” means “no problem”

—the champ