the do’s and dont’s of dating for “nice” guys and girls


at least 50 percent of the email we get at vsb is from self-proclaimed nice guys and girls having romantic difficulties. while i’m always tempted to just write back “be more attractive“, as a nice guy myself (heh), i have a soft spot for those still unable to navigate the shark-invested relationship morass without getting eaten alive

so, as another example of crime-fighting ideals, here’s the do’s and dont’s of dating for nice guys and girls, a simple guidebook for those allowing their niceness to continually dry panties and mush wangs quicker than lady gaga, sabotaging their relationship success.

do be yourself

despite their vicious tongue games, chameleons are extremely unsexy. stop trying to be one. be you, not who you think they’ll be most attracted to.

do show your passion

women (and men) love being around people who are good at something and passionate about that subject. being able to command a duty or subject projects a certain magnetism that makes people more attractive. while it may not be in your nature as a nice guy or girl to toot your own horn, if you’re a crocheting ass ninja, don’t be scared to let everyone know that you’ll thread the sh*t of a shower curtain.

don’t settle for friendship

you already have enough friends. what the hell do you need another for, especially one who’s made it clear that your odds of reciprocation are less than a white mans chances of boning khloe kardashian? if they’ve given you a romantic raincheck after you’ve made your intentions known, f*ck staying around as a lame-duck friend because they’re your tuesday lunch buddy. burn that dry-ass bridge and never look back.

do limit the self-depreciating humor

because they’re generally non-confrontational by nature, making people as relaxed and comfortable around them as possible to avoid potential conflict is as deeply embedded in the nice guy and girl dna as saying please, thank you, and shopping at the gap. the best way to do this is to make yourself seem non-threatening, and the quickest and easiest way to appear non-threatening is to laugh at yourself.

thing is, while a little self-depreciation is good because it implies a sense of maturity and level-headedness, hosting a daily solo roast of yourself and your flaws will make it extremely difficult for anyone to take you seriously. plus, if you’re perpetually pin-pointing and joking about your imperfections, eventually your flaws are all anyone’s going to notice.

do wipe your goggles

lets just say that for some people, the distance between who they usually pursue and who they actually might be compatible with is farther apart than seasons of curb your enthusiasm.

don’t let them hook you up with a friend

basically, if someone hits you with the…

“hey, bud. even though i think you’re great, we will never, ever, ever be a romantic match. if “us never hooking up” were “being a gay man that straight men can openly admit to find entertaining” it’d be neil patrick harris. on the brightside, i have a much less attractive friend who, if they could ever get past the fact that i’m passive-aggressively implying that i’m better than them because i think they might be into someone i’ve personally found unworthy, might be a good match for you. are you interested?”

…punch them in the f*cking face


don’t forget that you’re competing

while you shouldn’t have to openly pursue for another person’s affection, remember that every unattached person is in indirect competition for each other. basically, you need to bring something to the table other than just being a nice person.

sh*t, leather couches are nice, but i’ll continue to sit, sleep, spill sh*t, and fart on them until one of them gives me a convincing reason to date em

thats it for now. people of, did i miss anything? is nice and black woman an oxymoron? is there any advice you’d give to “nice” guys and girls, or is “being too nice” just a tactful way of saying “not hot enough”?

lastly, do nice guys truly finish last, or is that concept just game devised by a smart-ass not-s0-nice guy to get sympathy panties?

the carpet is yours and sh*t

—the champ

can’t trust it: 9 women to avoid at all costs

Robin Givens-AGM-007750

although i know most many of us will stick it out with an aint sh*t chick as long as her medulla’s mean and she stays extra right in her jeans, i’ve seen too many relatively good dudes wasting their time with them to stay quiet any longer.

swayed by a great smile, a sexy voice, a top-notch ride game, or that bomb-ass tomato sauce she always seems to make when she’s on her period, we have a tendency to be so entranced by the view at the beach that we fail to realize all of the fish are dead. Continue reading

shake and bake: 7 surefire ways to make yourself seem much more important than you really are

yeah, b*tch. i know you see those feathers.
yeah, b*tch. i know you see those feathers.

in order to efficiently survive a recession, a time putting excessive strain on employment, friendships, romance, and finance, you need to be able to sell yourself better than karrine stephens.

today, as another example of how seriously the verysmartbrothas take our crime-fighting ideals, the champ has decided to bless the vsb pulpit with seven recession-proof ways to make yourself seem much more important than you really are.

take notes and sh*t Continue reading

staying alive: the vsb do’s and dont’s of dealing with the police


“i’ll speak with yo mama outside”

along with being the working title for the sequel to “i’m gonna git you sucka”, this phrase was also apparently uttered by esteemed harvard professor henry louis gates when arrested outside of his home july 16th.

although you can seriously side-eye the strange logic in charging a 58 year old man with a cane, a noticeable limp, and the same izod shirt michael evans rocked in the “love has a spot on his lungs” episode of “good times” with disorderly conduct, there’s no doubt in my mind that dr. gates probably could have handled the situation a bit better. Continue reading

the bad rap: 4 unnecessary and undeserving villains of the black community


“…and fake b*tches like beyonce and tyra banks need not apply”

–seen on a friend of a friend’s facebook profile last weekend, sandwiched somewhere between a “set it off” movie poster and an excessively airbrushed photo of benjamin bratt.

while we’ve already documented the peculiar feelings born from the idea 0f beyonce, the animus many hold towards tyra banks seems to be just as intense, and i’ve never really understood it. Continue reading