“you’re always a student”

this statement, along with “never go down the up stairscase” and “eat bacon like noone is watching you” has always been one of my personal edicts. with this in mind, i’ve decided to celebrate verysmartbrothas.com 200th entry (damn!) by sharing a few of the relationship-related things ive learned in the past several years.

1. np (new p****) is overrated. seriously. the only thing that can potentially make np better is the concept of np and the realization that you’re actually getting some np. the np itself, though, usually pales in comparison to fp (familiar p****).

2. sh*t is better now, in every context imaginable. f*ck nostalgia.

3. women with their own names displayed anywhere on their bodies, whether its on a necklace or a tat or whatever, tend to be irrationally insecure and high-maintenance assholes.

4. men with their own names displayed anywhere on their bodies, whether its on a necklace or a tat or whatever, tend to be irrationally insecure and high-maintenance assholes.

and gay.

5. nice eyeglasses make women more attractive, potentially increasing their scores by at least a point and a half, and i have absolutely no idea why.

6. sunglasses have the opposite effect. in fact, i always feel that women rocking “stunna shades” are more likely to give random brains in bar bathrooms.

7. tasteful weave isn’t the worst thing in the world. just don’t be going from sinead…

…to sade

overnight and sh*t, and you’re good

8.  the two best places/times to pick up women?

a) while shopping (anywhere, except whole foods)

b) while waiting in line (for anything)

the two worst?

a) the zoo

b) whole foods

9.  what a woman likes and why she likes it is just as (if not more) important than what she’s like. basically, her fav book list holds much more resonance than her resume.

10. black men with tribal art tattoos tend to be cornballs…with no exceptions. theyre also more likely to dress like p* rn stars.

black women with tribal art tattoos tend to act like porn stars, unless, of course, they’re related to me.

11. the reason why most adult virgins are undateable has nothing to do with their virginity and everything to do with them letting their virginity completely define them. having a hymen doesn’t make you a freakin martyr.

12. a woman consistently laughing while you’re not even trying to be funny, or consistently not laughing while you’re trying to be funny means that she’s either completely unnerved (and turned on) by you or completely unattracted to you. theres no inbetween. sadly, i still haven’t been able to differentiate which from which. i guess i still have a bit more to learn.

so, people of vsb.com, share in the magnanimousness and sh*t.

what relationship-related things have you learned?

—the champ