Being an expert in this here relationship game (I’m really not but whatever, I’m sexxier than you), one of the most recurring issues that women bring to myself and The Champ is a desire for us to explain to them what happened?

What do you mean what happened?

Glad you asked.

You see, quite frequently, women will meet a chap, engage in a little bit of courting, and then somewhere along the way, the relationship tanks faster than a Tyrese rap album.  Most of the time the women cannot understand and as usual, want some closure.  Now, this is pretty textbook and cookie cutter for us.  Hell we could probably write up a standard response to those questions that mentions puppies, not sleeping with dude, and paper clips and call it a day, but the fact this, we here at VSB believe in helping out our sisters.  We love women.  Our mothers are women.  That helps.

So in the interest of world peace and throwing my hat into the whole “giving away too much information to the dames” I’ve decided to give women a little help early on so that hopefully they won’t get to the what happened stage.  Perhaps they’ll actually end up with a boyfriend, like Lamar Odom.

Here are 5 ways that women go wrong when dealing with us menfolks:

1)  Women don’t make us earn the booty

I know this sounds like heresy to my brothas out there, but let’s just keep it one hunnid.  Men need motivation to stay around and if we get to hit too early on, the thrill is gone.  Why should I give a sh*t what your favorite movie is if I don’t HAVE to learn what it is?  Men love the chase and despite what you may think, we actually do enjoy learning new things and working for things.  If we respect you anyway.  If a dude is mad because you didn’t put it in 6  hours, he’s probably not the cat for you anywya.

2)  You think you you must give up the lovin’ early on to compete

Truth be told, you probably do, but that would totally contradict number 1 and I don’t want to do that.  I know the percentages and the stats are grim.  Most of you women out there will die lonely, bitter cat ladies.  Sorry.  But that’s still no reason to just drop the drawers early.  Newsflash chica, early chop sessions don’t guarantee you a slot on a roster.  It guarantees you a slot on the 10 day contract list.

3)  Don’t require us to care about you as a person first

I guess this one really is #1 reincarnate but I suppose it can’t be reiterated enough.  I know so many women who tie themselves up into trying to show how much they care for the dude they forget that it would probably help if he cared about them.  And most men, despite some of our assholish ways really do have a heart and will trip and accidentally fall in love with you if show us sides of you that force us to examine ourselves.  Then again, this requires the chicks to have esteem in the first place which is like asking for a hamburger on a Wednesday in Somalia.

4)  You try to convince the man to like you, you need to reverse that…don’t be whipped, whip that…

Women…STOP convincing the man to like you.  Turn that sh*t around.  Make him convince you to continue dealing with him.  For the life of me, I could never understand why women were so hell bent on proving to men that they were worthy (clearly not all women do this).  You’re the prize, act like it.  Just like he had to do the night you met, he should have to convince you to take a chance on him.  If men do the most sucking (no pun intended…like for real you know what I mean) then you women need to make us prove we’re the worthy candidates.  Not sure why women don’t get this one.

5)  Stop being so damn pressed

You are not a wrinkled shirt.  Once again, I know the stats, but damn, there actually are men out there, and probably one for you.  So realize every man isn’t for you and let some of the crappy ones go.  All of us ain’t worth it.  And trust me…WE KNOW IT TOO.  Fall back, take two of these and walk it out.  You’ll thank me in the morning.

I realize these are all generalizations and all women don’t fall into these traps.  But enough do.  And I apologize to my hombres for letting some cats out the bag (though I feel like Steve Harvey selling common sense to people), but can we help our sisters out here?

What else are women doing wrong??

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3