Signs You Think #wegotogether

"How is he gon' take a call from President Obama while he out with me. He must don't realize #wegotogether. And when you go together with me, you don't take calls from other people while I'm around."

Quite obviously the most ethering relationship chasm is the lack of communication. Bedroom wars have been fought. Multiple canisters of Comet have been purchased. Multiple simultaneous relationships have been forged!

Scrrrrrrrrrrrr!  Say heffa say what? Oh no he didn’t! How is it possible that lack of communication could cause somebody to be in more than one relationship at the same time?

Glad you asked.

You see, opaque communication can lead people to believe that they are in relationships that they might not actually be in. I believe Earthlings call it, “leading on and delusion.” I’m not sure how you say “leading on” in Russian, but I’m also sure it leads to death over there whereas here, in America (F*ck Yeah!) it leads to hurt feelings, potential misdemeanor property damage, and social media slander. To be clear, it’s never a good idea to lead anybody on. And I think that most of us know when we’re doing it, even if we don’t want to acknowledge it because it would be admitting that perhaps we are at worst bad people and at the very least, emotionally lazy. But it’s been done to and by the best of us.

I’m sorry. For 2011. I ain’t apologizing for 2010 though.

Oh and how does that lead to multiple simultaneous relationships? Well it might cause some people to operate like #wegotogether, even if we don’t.

See there are some people who eschew common sense and traditional rules of boundary, expectation, and decorum because they don’ no dey daddy. Yes, there are just some motherf*ckers who either don’t know, don’t show, or just don’t care about what’s really going on before they bring the ruckus to your front door. Which, you might happen to be looking out of. Think Twice. Woo woo woo. No Jeffrey Osborne.

So here are a few sure fire ways to determine if you are dealing with somebody that thinks #wegotogether. Or #yougotogether.

But we don’t. Or you don’t.

(These will all be written in first person despite the fact that they’re general ideas.)

1. #youmustthink #wegotegether if we’re texting and I tell you I’m doing something and when I tell you I’m doing something else later, you try to call me out on not being where I said I was.

Not your fight. Not your business how or when I decided to change tasks, vocations, addresses, drawz, or pr0n favorites.

2. #youmustthink #wegotogether if you see me out with somebody that ain’t you and get in your feelings, publicly.

You know, this actually happened to me once. I was with my sister. But because #wedontgotogether she didn’t know my sister was coming in town nor did she know what my sister looked like. My sister likes to give hugs and was hugged all over me (plus she triflin’ and tries to make other women jealous). You know, basketball-wife-in-training type. Ole girl ran up on me like she was MOP and I had jewels on. She should have known the jig was up when I stood there looking at her like she was stuck on stupid, as did everybody else. She wanted my DNA. She got it. DoNotAnswer.

3. #youmustthink #wegotogether if while I’m at your house, your mother calls and you ask me to talk to her. And then SHE proceeds to tell me details about my life.

I’ve always been surprised by how some folks will go hog-f*ckin-wild with their interests to the point of bringing other family members completely into the fold…a month after meeting. Then end up surprised when my momma doesn’t know who they are. Because yes, that happens.

4. #youmustthink #wegotogether if you seriously ask AND expect me to get you a Christimas, Birthday, Easter, St. Patrick’s day, Momma’s retirement, or Valentine’s Day present despite the fact that I spend less time with you than a daddy doing quadruple life behind bars.

It is indeed trickin’ even if I got it. Gifts are for certified boothangs. Web developers have to get certified. Accountants too. What makes you different?

5. #youmustthink #wegotogether if you think I’m obligated to get you into the club for free cuz my boy is throwing the party.

Ruh-roh. This is how you end up on YouTube. Kirk out in the line? Everybody’s gonna catch that on film. I know it’s a recession. If you can’t afford it, recede yourself home.

Ladies? Fellas? Any other signs out there of wayward souls? Is there a heart in the house tonight?

Stand up.