Tag Archives: trust

That’s Just My Friend: Signs They’re Cheating On You With A Friend Of Yours.

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Duck. Duck. GREY GOOSE!

By now, nearly everybody has heard about Robby Pardlo’s episode of the A&E show, Intervention, where he’s exposed as an alcoholic. In said episode, he admits that part of his unwinding into a raging drunk was because his girlfriend of years, Claudette Ortiz, dumped her for their bandmate Ryan Toby, who she eventually married and apparently cheated on AT LEAST two times (she has 3 kids, two of which aren’t his, but were both born WHILE she was married to him).

Da f*ck? Where dey do dat at?

While I’ve never knowingly had a girlfriend cheat on me with one of my boys, I did have an ex openly ask me if she could pursue something with one of mi hombres after I broke up with her. Me? I said, “sure, go ahead.” I really didn’t give a flying frog f*ck about her at that point and had she been hit by a rhinosaurus driving a Silverado I wouldn’t have given two sh*ts. Mostly because she cheated on me with a dude I DIDN’T know. But I knew she cheated.

I’ve lost my point. Oh John the Rabbit, oh yes. So, the whole time we were dating, apparently she was scheming on my homey though she never pursued until we broke up. And I knew something was up. How’d I know? Well, I’m a beast, I’m a dog, I’m a motherf*cking problem. But more simply, people will tell you everything you need to know. Follow me.

1. They start randomly mentioning your friend out nowhere.

You ever been out with one of your friends and they can’t stop talking about somebody new they know. But even worse, they find odd ways to bring them up. You need an example, don’t you. Cool.

Shaniquilt: I really love what NASA’s got planned for the future of hydrogen-carbide O-rings and staples.  What do you think?

Shalulu: Yeah, James was just talking to me yesterday about apples and I was thinking about NASA when he  had said…”apples”.

Shaniquilt: Da f*ck?

So imagine that scenario if you and your girl are in the car and you say:

You: Baby I love these Skittles you bought me. They so tart.

Her: James loves Skittles too.

You: Um, yeah. Why’d you bring him up there.

Her: No reason. * whistling *

Sign number one you silly sucka.

2. Not only do they bring them up, they COMPLIMENT them.

If your girl starts doling out compliments to one of your friends all willy nilly, you should definitely give her a stern side-eye and make a mental note of it. Be clear, there is NO reason that you’re girl should be paying THAT much attention to any of your homeboys that she knows what king of cologne smells best on him.

3. They always want to invite your friend to functions.

Beware your gf/bf who ALWAYS wants your homey to be there because “they so funny.” Remember fellas, humor is what charms the drawz off of any woman. Thing is, initially it will seem really benign and actually nice and sweet that they want to hang with your friends but there will come a point where it jus seems odd to invite them – like to the bedroom or ice cream.

Her: I’m tired. You think James wants to come and watch movies with us and then possibly spoon. Don’t you think that would be great? What if he rubbed on my booty too! *shriek* Yay!!!!

4. They find ways to hang out with your buddy without you.

Not sure this needs and explanation, but you should definitely kill them if this happens and any of numbers 1-3 have occurred.

5. You catch them cheating.

Sorry, pal. We’ll see you on A&E’s intervention.

That’s a quick list for you.  Good patrons of the VSB, did I miss any signs???

Lay it on me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

I Work, I Get the Job Done

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If you look around, inappropriate behavior is everywhere. Mothersmurfers are out everywhere smurfin’ people they have no business smurfin’.

Well nowhere is this statement more appropos than the world-famous workplace romance. And just to be difficult, let’s throw the Academic Brain T(h)rust in there for good measure (might have to address this one on its own, actually).

Generally, I poo on pooh-poohing where one dines. What with today’s recession, you’d think people would do everything in their power to make their jobs as cushy and drama free as possible (to include visiting VSB.com assuming it isn’t banned at your job yet), yet some people don’t give a flying copulation and throw caution to the wind like Charles Barkley at a casino buffet.

However, who am I to judge really? I’ve never done the workplace romance but I’ve seen more than enough to know that there are some rules to this sh*t. I wrote me a manual. A step-by-step booklet for you to get, your game on track…with no more drama.

Word to Mary J. Blige.

By the way, this doesn’t apply to Hollywood where a workplace romance is almost mandatory. How else could Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey be explained? Then again, I’m convinced Mariah has some bats in her belfry so perhaps it’s a fitting romance.

People don’t say “bats in the belfry” enough.

5 Ways To Ensure Your Workplace Romance Doesn’t End Up Going Postal

1) Avoid them at all costs

Generally you shouldn’t be schlumping anybody who constantly works within 10 feet of you all day. That’s just bad mojo. The cutesy stuff like sending mango-scented paper planes and hoping nobody sees it will only last for a good week. After a while, seeing them every minute of the day will get older than John McCain. Keep the space unless you’re…invading the space.

2) If you must have constant contact, don’t be awkward

You know, after that first physical encounter, somebody’s gonna have questions. 9.12 times out of 10, the chick is going to be wondering what’s going on now. The best thing you can do is not act awkward towards her. If you do, she’ll try to stab you with a letter opener. And she can get one too. Most offices have them.

3) Shut your trap

Like most criminals, things generally go wrong once one party starts yapping. The optimal situation is for both parties to hush-the-fudge up. The quieter its kept, the more fun the two of you can have while you pretend your both samurai’s of the XiuXiang Order with a secret only for the King of China. In this case, the king is Xerox, but the game is fun, no?

4) No unnecessary flirtatiousness with the office help

Since you met them at work, they might be a little more attentive to see if you’re just a workplace pimp out there trying to give everybody “raises”. Even if you don’t want them for anything more than just a little “work-out”, the least you can do is NOT obviously dismiss them by showing interest in the chick who gives you staples. Keep your supplies to yourself, Mister!

5) Piggybacking on #4, don’t get caught taking some body from the 4th floor to lunch

Not.a.good.look. The quickest way to get stabbed, at work, is to blatantly start taking some other person out to eat during lunch. Oh my goodness, and don’t pay for the cookie. Hmm…that has a double meaning.

Fact is people, if you must make the funtime with somebody that you work in close quarters with, the least you can do is be as conspicuous as possible and not just use them for copy-room fun. We here at VSB.com promote a sense of relationship unity and support.

So I suggest quitting.

But since you won’t do that…what are some other ways to avoid workplace fun-time drama?

And I KNOW some of y’all got workplace stories and experiences. Let’s do the knowledge!

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST

Eastside of Long Beach

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I’ll never understand for the life of me why two people who are dating will give one another the passwords to their personal email or voicemail accounts. There’s no way in high Hell that I’d ever give up that information. I really don’t see a reason or a need for a significant other to have it. Everybody is entitled to some semblance of privacy in a relationship and chances are that email and cell phones are the last bastions of privacy for both parties involved.

Now it can be said that if you have nothing to hide then it shouldn’t matter. And you’re right. Except you’re not. Just because you have nothing to hide doesn’t mean you should share everything. But of course, not everybody is as smart as I am and many people get duped into giving up their personal information under the guise of full disclosure. Which brings up two questions:

1) If you have your significant other’s password, does that give you freedom to peruse their accounts?
2) Say they didn’t give it to you, but you have it, if you find something that causes you discomfort, are you allowed to bring it up?

Oy vey. Can of worms? Consider yourself opened.

Somehow, in my brain of brains, I don’t think having passwords gives you the freedom to search as you please. But I also realize that temptation is a mother and if a relationship is having issues, the urge to surf thru email to potentially find a culprit is hard to fend off.

(Which is of course why I’d never give up my passwords. Why give somebody the keys to a car you don’t want them to drive? It’s like Halle Berry standing in your living room dripping wet with a condom in one hand and a bottle of Patron in the other with a sign around her neck that says “Don’t touch or I’ll disappear” – that just sucks all the way around.)

However, I think that if you do search through email, then you reserve the right to shut the fuck up about whatever you find and you should deal with it on your own. For one, you have no business going through emails. In the second place, you have no right to question somebody about some shit you found while you were doing something you shouldn’t have been doing in the first place. And I’m an evil enough bastard that I would hope you’d come across something that would drive you apeshit — so apeshit, in fact, that you’d have to bring it to me and hang yourself.

For me, once I’ve lost trust, you might as well just go on ahead and walk it out like an usher because I probably don’t want to see you again.

Babyface asked when could he see you again. Me? Give me the keys to the range and don’t forget to move, bitch. Get out the way.

I’m genuinely interested in responses to those two questions. I tend to think that women are more likely to go through their man’s shit than a man is to go through a woman’s…however, I know both men and women who’ve done both.

To snoop or not to snoop? That is the question.

–PANAMA JACKSON