earlier in the week, vsb.com regular muse (who’s probably riding a pyramid as we speak) forwarded me a link to an, ummm, “unique” marriage contract.

originally posted on thesmokinggun.com, this contract was devised by 33 year old iowan travis frey. titled “contract of wifely expectations“, this document was to be signed and explicitly followed by his wife (who never actually signed sh*t)

(click here for full contract)

sample gems from this insane four page manuscript:

“when we are home and alone as a family, you will be naked within 20 minutes of the kids being in bed, and sleep naked unless instructed otherwise”

“misbehavior is when you complain about what is requested or expected of you, or when you try to negotiate something other than what was requested or expected of you. if this happens you will lose 5 gbd’s (good behavior days) per incident”

“i will select your sleepwear for you, and you will find it under your bed if there is none you will be naked. during your menstrual cycle you can wear a top and panties. the top is to be no longer than to cover your buttchecks”

“you are to pose for 20 pictures per quarter, unless your quota is filled”

“by the end of the first day of each quarter, you are to choose your pet name that you want me to call you by. your choice must meet my approval, and noncompliance will be a 20 gbd loss”

complete and utter insanity notwithstanding, i think we all have some variant of a contract in our heads as we try navigate the murky shark-infested waters of courting, dating, and relationships. maybe we’re not all as crazy as mr. frey, but we all have certain rules and expectations we’d like our potential and current mates to follow.

so, occasionally intelligent and outrageously lascivious people of vsb.com, what rules (if any) would be in your contracts?

oh, and btw…what ever happened to mr. frey?

he was eventually charged with first-degree kidnapping and domestic abuse assault causing injury (as well as child pornography) and convicted of third-degree sex abuse and domestic assault. he’s currently serving 11 years, and sharing a jail cell with beanie segal.

moral of the story: maybe its not a good thing that obama won iowa.

—the champ