Words I Hope My Daughter Never Says

As a father, this is the scariest.possibility.ever.

Father’s Day was yesterday so shoutouts to all the dads out there. I came across something that I think all men who either have children or aspire towards fatherhood could appreciate. So I figured I’d share. And it comes from the wonderful world of Kendra Wilkinson.

Admittedly, I don’t much about Kendra outside of the fact that she used to be one of Hugh Hefner’s girls and then married and got knocked up by a pro-football player of various levels of success in the NFL. She somehow got two television shows out of it. I respect her hustle.

If you spend any time on Twitter, you’ll hear somebody mention her on occasion and she was all over various gossip blogs and pop culture sites. So when I came across this video on Global Grind, I figured, what the hell, let’s see what she’s talking about. Plus it was entitled, “Kendra Reveals What She Loves About Black Men!”

I’m always curious when these types of questions (“what do you love about Black men?”) are asked of white women who are dating or married to Black men. It’s such a loaded question and there’s (usually) no way for these women to answer without sounding like some type of fetishist who is hypnotized by the wang. Even Kendra alludes to the myth without saying a word. But then she goes into the most original yet non-sensical answer I’ve likely ever heard in my entire life about what she loves about Black men.

Apparently, Kendra is the Black man whisperer. She’s able to relate and talk to Black men more than anybody else. She can talk more to a Black man than a white man, a white woman, a Black woman, a llama, etc. Hmmm…that’s…different. I wasn’t even aware that our conversations were that different in general, but somehow she can likely talk for hours to a Black man whereas she runs out of stuff to talk to a white dude.

Well, I do declare. That is new. And likely horse manure. But I’m sure she means it. It’s probably true in her life, if only because she creates the atmosphere that way. She thinks she can talk longer to Black men so she DOES talk longer to Black men. Self-fulfilling swag proper. It’s still a sort of ridiculous thing to love about Black men. Mostly because that has nothing to do with Black men and everything to do with her and her ability to “relate” to Black men. Which I also think is probably not quite accurate. So the title of the article the video comes from is a bit mis-leading.

But it’s my fault for being curious about her response to a question like that anyway, even if it was mostly just for kneejerk science research purposes. You get what you pay for, or so they say.

There’s something else worthy of note here, and hence the reason for this post anyway. In the video she states that her two mentors are Too $hort and Hugh Hefner. I’m not a psychologist so I won’t offer any in-depth analysis here, but let’s just say that if my daughter were to ever tell me that either of those two men were her mentors in life, I might actually kill myself. It would signal to me that I’ve failed as a parent, as a man, and as a father. I’ve let one slip away. Granted, she’s a Playboy Bunny and was one of various girlfriends of the Hef and she can talk to Black men better than anybody else so I suppose it makes sense in her life. But damn, that one hurt me a little…as a father.

In the grand scheme of things that you hope that your daughter never says in life, “Too $hort is my mentor” has to be somewhere near the top. It’s nowhere near as bad as “Daddy, those guys ran a train on me and I liked it” but definitely in the same league as “I’m a stripper, dad, deal with it!” In fact, if your daughter tells you that Too $hort is her mentor it’s because you’ve not only NOT been there but you’ve been such a piss poor reflection of manhood that a man who has non-ironically nor accidentally dedicated his life towards pimpdom has provided guidance to your kid. Yes, you should one yourself if that were to happen. The mere thought alone gives me the willies. And you do NOT want the willies.

Hearing her say that actually brought me some sadness. Le sigh and sh*t. But it also struck fear into my heart because hell, it’s a motherlovin’ possibility.

I will say this, just in that short video I realized that she is an interesting individual if only because the way she got to this life HAS to be interesting. Why the hell does she know Too $hort well enough for him to be considered a mentor ANYWAY? These are the types of questions that keep me awake at night.

So in honor of Father’s Day, but opening the floor to the people of the VSB-ora, what are some things that you hope your child, boy or girl, never ever says either to you or definitely not in public forum? Let’s do some preventative parenting today.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. OH NO YOU DIDN’T SAY THAT LIL NINJA aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

For the DC area folks: Come out for a relationship panel brought to you and moderated by Jasmine of TheJasmineBrand.com featuring Panama Jackson as a panelist, today, June 18, from 6-8pm at Lace Lounge (2214 Rhode Island Avenue, NE). Sponsored by Qream Liquer, there will be complimentary Qream cocktails from 6-630pm. Peep the flyer for details and information on additional panelists.