Just like everybody hurts, everybody judges.

Me and you.  Your mama and your cousin, too.

It’s a fact a life.  Of course, you will run into people who swear up and down that they don’t judge anybody, but you usually find THAT out right after they’ve judged you, looked at you like you were a diaphragm, then said, “hey, I don’t judge though.”

Liars.

Me?  I’m honest about my BS.  I’m not perfect and I make misstake.  See there, I misspelled “mistakes”.  See, I owned that sh*t.  But there are definitely certain things that I’ve seen or witnessed (for some reason, there’s a difference there) that have gotten me all umguferschlagen on the inside.

Here are a few things:

1)   Really cheap toilet tissue in the guest bathroom

I’m not completely sure why, but something about cheap toilet tissue offends me.  I don’t know if its the papier mache feel of it or that it seems like if you’re not careful you might make a “mess”.  But you know good and well that nobody is putting cheap toilet tissue in their main bathroom.  No, they’re putting the double-ply Charmin with the diamond designs and lucky charms and sh*t.  When I see cheap sh*t (no pun intended) in people’s homes, I really think that the hosts are just bad people.

2)  Walking out of the bathroom without washing your hands

As obvious as this seems, this needs its own ring of hell.  In today’s day and age of H1N1 and just nasty a*s motherf*ckers,  you’d think that everybody would have the decency to make at least a quick stop at the sink.  At least fake the sh*t.  For me.  Please.  I’m not a germophobe but I’m ready to break out the swine flu mask and flamethrower and start torching people.

And by the way, if you have EVER done this (and don’t carry around Purell or any other anti-bacterial something or other) you are a NASTY MOTHERF*CKER and should be slapped.

3)  Taking money away from the tip b/c you feel the waiter is receiving too much

We’ve already established that bad tippers are the debil, but that compares nothing to physically seeing somebody determine for their self that the waiter is receiving too much and just pull money out of the tip AFTER THEY HAVEN’T OVERTIPPED.  So basically, they just made a PROFIT on dinner.  That annoys me with the passion of Mel Gibson making another movie about Jesus.  I might actually slap your hand if you do this around me.

4)  Being cruel to animals

Despite thinking that Mike Vick deserves a second chance to make a living, I REALLY despise people who are cruel to animals.  I’m an animal lover (not on PETA levels though) so if I see you kick a cat I might run you over with my V8 engine.  Real talk.  Of course, if you kill a chicken and then manage to fry the hell out of it, you get a pass.

What can I say?  The food chain is a b*tch.

(By the way, this show “Brothers” is not very good.)

5)  Screaming on homeless people

Now I realize that some homeless, hobo arse ninjas really do deserve to be screamed on so this is more of a case-by-case basis, but I’ve seen some folks that I respected get totally beligirent for no reason on some less than fortunate cat.  And not the dude in a 3 piece suit who used to stand outside the Checkers on Abernathy in the West End asking for money because he’s homeless.  Sorry cat, you gets no love from me if you are wearing a suit I can’t afford but asking me for money.

Ditto the dude who used to be under the bridge at Lee Street rocking $150 Nike shoes that I tried to save up to by only to have the money saved up too late to purchase them in stores.  It was the only time I ever considered robbing a homeless dude.

What was I saying?

6) Not supporting other Black folks

Just because

All of these behaviors make me question the evildoers mothers like they are the Vick brothers mother.  But I’m sure there are a million other reasons to look at folks sideways.

So good people of VSB, just in case I’m missing prime judgement opportunities, what are other behaviors I should be on the lookout for?

-VSB P aka TANGLE JIG P aka THE ARSONIST aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

*By the way, we’re locking down a spot for the VSB NYC Meet-n-Greet.  I’m getting hella lazy though so I’m considering just doing Dave & Busters in Times Square and calling it a day. That way, if we all hate eachother, we can all at least go play games.  More details shortly.*