[***ADMIN NOTE: This post also appears on Guyspeak.com, where Panama Jackson is a featured writer. Feel free to head over there to enjoy some of the lovely mental wanderings of the fellows of Guyspeak.***]
Tag Archives: theory
Fantasy Island: 5 Things That Are Probably Better In Theory Than Reality
People by nature are an inquisitive bunch. We all take several flights of fancy throughout the course of the day. Most of us envision what we’d rather be doing instead of working the job we don’t want at the company we don’t like. I spend more time sitting envisioning what my life would be like if I became a Samoan who dabbled in the fine art of origami while noodling a Swedish Nigerian Oriental Pygmy Amazon than I do what my life looks like as a sexxy debonair couch f*ckin’ gangsta mac.
While that may seem a little odd to you, just imagine what I’d do with a clothes hangar and some shotgun shells.
Things is, they’re fantasies for a reason. Generally, they’re not possible or all around ridiculous. Yet and still, many of us think that our fantasies are what life is all about. Some of these fantasies are also better in theory than in reality. Such as:
1. Threesomes
I can neither confirm nor deny that I’ve ever been involved in one. But logistically speaking, threesomes really don’t make much sense. For one, 2 girls 1 cup guy, while seemingly a male fantasy really isn’t constructed to be good for anybody but the dude. Why two chicks who aren’t being paid to perform would indulge in such is beyond me. Not that I’m knocking it, just saying I don’t get it. And two dudes? I’ve seen some film of ill repute where sword fighting ensued and quite frankly, that terrifies me. How do you look at your boy the same again after you’ve grazed one another? I feel like there has to be a support group for those guys. Crossed Swords Support Society or something.
2. Cougar love
So I half-a**edly watched the BET Honors last night with Gabrielle Union hosting. She sucks. And not in a good way. In fact, Gabrielle Union has become so vapid and boring that she’s increasingly becoming less attractive. That has nothing do with cougar love. Cicely Tyson was a recipient and my mind immediately thought about how old she must really be (and no I don’t trust Wikipedia, I’m sure I saw Cicely Tyson in a Charlie Chaplin film) and further, how unexciting it must be to smack bellies with a woman who actually invented sex. Something about old stank scares me. While I’ve said that I’d schlong down an old chick, the truth is, I felt truly bad for Eddie Murphy in Boomerang. How he managed to take that one for the team made me respect him as a gentleman and a scholar.
3. Being bound
You know, I have NO desire to be apart of any S&M behavior, but I can’t lie, I’ve thought about it before. Except, whips and chains…like didn’t we kind of hate that sh*t back in the 1800s? Or were we just upset that we really didn’t have any say so? Plus, what if somebody actualy forgets the key and handcuffs you to a bedpost. Sure it looks funny on TV in a sitcom, but what if that happens in real life? Plus, what if you’re chick (or dude) ends up going all Kathy Bates on that arse and you can’t do nothing because you’re all bound up and what not…which reminds me of…
4. Candle wax
Hot.Like.Fire. <——-It seems all sexxy and sensuous but really its just hot. It’s hard to stay in the mood when you can smell your flesh being absorbed into the lavendar wax that’s being dripped all over your torso. Plus, you’re gonna need that candle after you all drink coffee later. Matches don’t cover up ALL the smell.
5. Food
I remember watching the movie Trippin’ and one of the characters put a banana in the crack of a young aspiring stripper’s heiny. Now, as opposed to that just looking sexxy – and let’s face it, what could possibly sexxier than seeing a banana in all of its unpeeled glory laying flush in the crack of some suspecting supple derriere - I immediately thought about how disgusting that actually is, and further about the fact of how nasty it actually is to use some certain foodstuffs. Like whipped cream. Like whipped cream on the schlong and then vaginal insertion? Um….that sounds like asking for more trouble than three Black guys walking down the street in Boston with a drugged up white chick singing “She Swallowed It”.
Anything else that seems better in theory than it does in reality?
Gimme what you got.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
Quiet Is As Kept: How Video Hoes And Hoodrats Get In The Way of Sound Theory and Science
“Treat someone like an object, and they’ll behave like one.”
The objectification of women is a problem in current pop culture. For years, women have been used as mere visual trinkets intended to make men look more virile in videos. In song, women are usually relegated to derogatory and derisive terms like b*tch, ho, slut, Lil Kim, etc. As the objectification continues, the thought is that the men of tomorrow will view women less and less as equal partners and more as property and possessions to be owned and commanded. A recent study conducted by Tamar Saguy discovered this:
Leading a team of Israeli and US psychologists, she has shown that women become more silent if they think that men are focusing on their bodies. They showed that women who were asked to introduce themselves to an anonymous male partner spent far less time talking about themselves if they believed that their bodies were being checked out. Men had no such problem. Nor, for that matter, did women if they thought they were being inspected by another woman.
It stands to reason that as women feel objectified, they reveal less about themselves. To wit:
Saguy’s study is one of the first to provide evidence of the social harms of sexual objectification – the act of treating people as “de-personalised objects of desire instead of as individuals with complex personalities”. It targets women more often than men. It’s apparent in magazine covers showing a woman in a sexually enticing pose, in inappropriate comments about a colleague’s appearance, and in unsolicited looks at body parts.
Wow, that is tragic. And I’d buy it lock, stock, and barrel except…
…video hoes and hoodrats seem to have not gotten the memo. In the past three years, more video hoes have started spilling the beans on their trysts and triumphs, have hit the circuits to talk about how it feels to be objectified, and they seem to love it. Hell, very few even take issue with being called video hoes.
Okay, I have no proof to back that one up but like Chris Rock said, if you show up to work wearing a hoes uniform, you can’t be mad when somebody treats you like one. An entire cottage industry has grown out of video hoes making a name for themselves in entertainment. Think about it, mainstream America actually knows the NAMES of quite a few of them now.
Where dey do dat at?!!!?!?!?
Oh yeah, Oprah.
Zing!
From Superhead to Angel Lola Luv to Melyssa Ford, even to the Paris Hilton’s and Kim Kardashian’s of the world, reality TV and the public’s insatiable desire for gossip and non-sense, video hoes and women famous for their sexual (de) merits have caused objectified women to share more pieces of themselves than Jenna Jameson. Now, of course this study was done with women who didn’t know their male counterpart and when they felt the man was solely focusing on their assets, they spoke up less. So it’s not really an apples to oranges comparison. However, video hoes on the other hand have created an entire life out of exhibitionism and won’t stop yapping. The game is to be sold, not to be told, but they won’t shut their traps, flying directly in the face of this study.
And well, hoodrats, they just don’t stop yapping anyway and loves them some objectification. Use it or lose it. Though ironically, I’ve heard quite a few successful and professional women indicate that they realized the values their bodies had and that while it was still how they liked it, they would do best to benefit from the attention they received.
Now, I realize that a video ho is probably more prone to attention whoring given her desire to share her assets to the world for as many to see as possible anyway, so once again, apples and hand grenades, but I’m sure there is an entire segment of the population out there that not only relish the opportunity to speak more because of their assets, they look for opportunities to do so, and perhaps weren’t captured in the expansive 207 person study. The fact that they’re students doesn’t help either since they probably read and reading makes one more conservative.
So says Panama anyway.
Plus, when you factor that the reason for less personal revelation is because half of the women probably were saying, “I’m up here, thank you…so I’m a Scor…ah ah…focus…” After a while you just stop trying and exchange numbers so you can talk that way.
Note that men don’t care one way or another. Testosterone win.
Anyway, ladies do you tend to speak less when you feel objectified and how objectified do you feel on a daily basis? Further, to the guys, do you ever really just stare at a chicks boobs when trying to holler at her? It seems like it would be counterproductive to procuring the digits or BB PIN number?
Share, because sharing is caring.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3


